Chapter Text
Joel woke up to his unbearable alarm with a groan. He fumbled for his phone to snooze his alarm until:
Be my fake boyfriend.
As if on cue, that impending thought rushed to the front of Joel’s mind, slapping him awake. He quickly got up to go get ready and head to school as soon as possible.
Be my fake boyfriend.
The words were still as clear as day in Joel’s mind. He had spammed Etho after that, messages like “WHAT?” or “WDYM BY THAT,”, but got no response. He clicked on their text thread while brushing his teeth (he decided to skip breakfast). “Read?! This stupid idiot left me on read?!” Joel gaped. How could anyone leave him on read? Who wouldn’t answer to Joel’s charm?
Joel rolled his eyes and continued to get ready, making sure he was fresh and didn’t smell. Once he was satisfied, he sprinted down the stairs, grabbed his bag near the door and slung it over his shoulder, while struggling to slip his shoes on at a quick pace. When he had his shoes on, he bolted through the front door, locked it, and ran in his path to school.
Joel lived near enough to the school where it was a quick 10 minute walk. Sometimes, if he felt lazy, he would take his car there instead, but it was a total waste of gas, so he would ride his bike to school. He was unsure why he didn’t take his bike, but it was too late anyway.
Why do I even care so much? Why am I rushing to get answers? Joel reeled at the new found thought, slowing his pace down to a regular walk. Why did he care so much? It’s not like he hasn’t done something much worse for an IOU (he had to publicly humiliate himself after eating Lizzie’s chocolates when she was on her period). Joel pondered for the answer for a minute, but instead just shrugged it off as pure curiosity. So Joel walked the rest of the way to school, seriously regretting skipping breakfast.
He finally approached the school entrance, but then spotted a certain white-haired masked man…
Joel ran towards Etho, calling his name. “ETHO!” Etho turned to look at him after flinching from hearing his name, then looked around at other people. “Do you seriously have to yell my name the loudest you can?” Etho sighed, turning to face Joel. “Oh, who cares? Anyways, would you mind explaining what you sent last night?!” Joel prowled. “I don’t know what you mean,” Etho replied after a few seconds of silence. Joel groaned in frustration.
“Don’t be like that Etho! You know blummin’ well what I mean!” Joel fumed, waving his arms to exaggerate. Even behind the mask, Joel can tell that Etho was smiling in amusement as his watercolor eyes crinkled in the corners. Joel rolled his eyes. “I don’t know what you mean though,” Etho said (Joel could practically hear the condescending tone in his voice).
Joel’s eyes narrowed at him as he looked up at his eyes. “Don’t make me spell it out.”
“Is that a threat?”
“Yes.”
“I genuinely don’t know what you’re talking about. A lot of stuff happens in my life, I can’t remember everything that happened.”
Joel groaned again in frustration, but gave in anyway. “What did you mean when you asked me to ‘be your fake boyfriend?’” Joel mumbled embarrassingly, lowering his voice so only Etho could hear. Etho’s eyes crinkled. “Wow, and I didn’t think you would even know how to talk quietly.” Joel rolled his eyes again (wow, he did that quite often with Etho).
Etho continued to look at him, definitely with a smug grin. “Have to get to class,” Etho suddenly said, quickly walking away from Joel. Joel, who wasn’t ready for that, was taken by surprise. “Hey—hey! Etho!”
Joel had to run to catch up with Etho. “Stop avoiding the question! Why are you avoiding the question?!” Joel panted as Etho kept looking and walking forward. Etho finally glanced towards Joel, and looked forward again. “You’re annoyingly entertaining like this,” Etho answered, leaving Joel dumbfounded. “What do you blummin’ mean ‘entertaining?’”
Etho continued to toy with Joel and Joel continued to fall for it everytime. Eventually they walked together to Joel’s locker first, then Etho’s, then Etho’s class, bantering and talking to each other the whole time.
“Just tell meeee, please!” Joel begged, still trying to get answers. He failed once again as they arrived at Etho’s first period. They stopped in front of the door. Etho started heading in. “You know I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s going on, right?” Joel tried one last time, hoping to catch Etho’s attention. And he did.
Etho looked back at him, and those stupid eyes crinkled again, indicating he was smiling. “You did. We walked around school—together—the whole time. Thanks for that.” Joel’s jaw dropped. “You—you little shit! You baited me!!” Joel fumed, storming after Etho. “Mr. Beans, I suggest heading towards class. You have a minute left until the bell rang,” the computer science teacher, Dr. M, said, blocking Joel off from entering.
“Yup! I was just leaving! Sorry Doc!” Joel played off, shooting finger guns at him. Doc looked at him, unamused, and turned to walk back towards his desk. Once he turned around, Joel flipped Etho off angrily and Etho winked back, his face saying, I’ll obviously tell you later.
Joel turned and walked towards his 1st period. Bloody hell, why do I care so much anyway? Joel thought, rolling his eyes thinking back at his and Etho’s banter. He brushed it off as curiosity again, but it was probably because he was glad to make another idiotic friend to argue with, but he would never admit that.
“Stupid Etho,” Joel grumbled unhappily. Stupid Etho and his stupid grin, and his stupid eyes, and his stupid face—
This continued on for a while.
-
Second period finished, and Joel is not in a better mood than he was earlier. In fact, he was in an even worse mood.
Joel practically sprinted out of the classroom when the bell rang, glad to be out of his least favorite class (which is physics. Fuck physics, but Joel literally can’t switch because he needs it for architecture). He opened his locker dreadfully, careful of items spilling on the floor, which thankfully did not happen today.
He looked for his binders and books needed for his next period, stuffing his arm in his (messy) locker in search of the items. When he found them, he exchanged his things. As he slammed his locker door closed, a masked, white headed man stood in its place, leaning against the lockers with his hands in his thick jacket’s pockets (why does he wear such warm clothes at this time of year anyway).
Before Joel got a good look at who it was, he flinched back in surprise. “Etho! You bloody scared me!” Etho seemingly smiled in reply. “I thought you said you wanted answers?”
“Well duh, you could’ve at least said ‘hi’ first,” Joel scoffed, rolling his eyes. Etho shrugged. “Whatever, let’s just get to class.”
They walked together to their class, mostly in silence because they had nothing to talk about (no, it was because Joel was clearly in a bad mood).
Etho gave Joel a look. “Is something wrong? You’re different from this morning,” Etho asked, eyeing Joel as they walked. Joel just glanced at him briefly then continued looking ahead. “…No. Just insanely pissed off from my classes this morning. I hate school,” Joel grumbled. Etho chuckled quietly, but coughed and cleared his throat to cover it up.
“What?! What’s so funny?!” Joel fumed, glaring at the taller man. Etho tried to keep a neutral expression. “Nothing, but is that all that it takes to put you in a bad mood? Just your first 2 classes and you’re done with the rest of the day?” Etho continues to snicker, Joel looking so done with him.
“That doesn’t answer how it’s funny but okay,” Joel seethed. They arrived in front of their history class and continued to walk in.
Joel saw everyone in their usual seat, except Bdubs was sitting with Impulse. Since Joel was more familiar with Etho and his friends and actually had names to their faces, he started realizing how often he saw and noticed them. Joel saw Lizzie sitting in the back corner, which was their usual seat. He started walking towards her, until he felt someone grab his hand (more like his wrist, but honestly it’s the same thing).
Joel turned to see who grasped his hand. Etho was looking at him with anticipation. “Sit with me?” Joel looked at him and tilted his head. He grinned. “Sure, why not?” Etho took the lead and led them to his usual seat, where Joel knew he and Bdubs used to sit together. Joel gave an apologetic look towards Lizzie.
Lizzie just looked at him and Etho, back and forth at their (still) conjoined hands. She gave him a smirk and thumbs up with a face that said tell me about it later.
Joel smiled and turned towards Etho, who was subtly staring and Bdubs and Impulse giggling and talking. “Soooo, why am I here again?” Joel asked, clearly still waiting for his answers. “Oh, I wanted to actually tell you why—“
“Good morning everyone! Class is beginning so please keep your voices down and—“ Joel stopped listening to False after she said that (yes, he uses his favorite teachers’ first name in his head). Etho sighed. “I’ll tell you after class.” Joel threw him a lazy thumbs up.
Fifteen minutes pass by, but it feels like fifty to Joel. Damn, since when did history class feel so long? Joel sighed and put his head down, stomach aching from lack of nutrition. So much for skipping breakfast…
He doesn’t know what happened after that, except the times when False yelled his name, causing him to flinch awake and sit up straight.
“—oel? Joel?” Joel quickly sat up again, until he realized it was just Etho whispering quietly to him as he shook him awake. “That’s like the fourth time you’ve dozed off in class, are you okay?” Joel glanced at the clock. Twenty five damn minutes left in class.
Joel groaned in frustration quietly, and turned to answer Etho’s question. “Honestly, no. My first and second period classes pissed me off, especially my second period because I hate physics. And I skipped breakfast, like I usually eat a bar or something, but nothing! So I am incredibly hungry right now and there’s still twenty five minutes until lunch,” Joel huffed. Etho eyed him for a bit until he reached for something in his bag.
“Here,” Etho whispered, handing Joel what seems to be a granola bar. Joel shifted his gaze back to Etho. Huh. Joel never realized the scar running down Etho’s red eye until now. “Are you gonna take it, or what?” Etho asked teasingly, those silly eyes crinkling again. Joel shook out of it and timidly took the bar. “A-are you sure?” Joel doesn’t know why he was hesitating, but thought it was unusual for Etho to hand food to him when he looked like a person who mostly kept to himself.
“Yeah, it’s not like I’ll eat it anyway,” Etho shrugged, then finally Joel took it. “Thanks.”
“No problem.”
Joel began to quietly unwrap the granola bar under the desk. He couldn’t help but see Bdubs in the corner of his eyes, staring at him and Etho.
-
The bell rang, signaling the end of the first half of the day. Kids rushed to go to lunch. Joel decided to stay with Etho (per Etho’s request), walking by his side to his locker. Joel took this as a chance to search for answers again.
“Can you finally explain what you mean?” Joel asked, Etho opening his locker and taking his books out of his backpack then hung it on the hook. Joel took a look at his locker.
It was neatly organized (unlike Joel’s), binders and books lined by subject. He had minimalistic locker decorations, only a picture of him and Gem (Joel found out they were cousins. Crazy he didn’t realize sooner because he and Gem were close) and he and Bdubs magneted on the door.
Etho answered when he closed his locker door, preventing Joel from analyzing it any further. “Right, so remember how you said you think Bdubs and Impulse aren’t dating at all and they’re just pretending?” They walked towards Joel’s locker, which was on the way to the cafeteria. “I don’t ‘think,’ I know,” Joel snorted, opening his own locker and bracing for impact (thankfully nothing fell out).
Etho looked into his locker as well, Joel feeling his stare from beside him. Joel’s locker was a mess; books and binders were everywhere, stacked or lined, in no particular order. There were wrappers of gum and food and his locker door had lots of pictures of him and his friends. Joel suddenly felt self-conscious of his locker.
Joel shoved his bag inside, quickly trying to close the locker, but Etho stopped him. “That’s it? You’re not even gonna hang your bag on the hook? Or take out your stuff?” Joel looked at him with an are you serious look. “Yeah? Just because you do that, doesn’t mean I do,” Joel scoffed, rolling his eyes, but before he could close his locker again, Etho suddenly gasped.
“Shut up. Look busy.” Joel made a confused noise, but followed his directions anyway. Joel picked up his bag and unpacked his things.
He felt Etho squish against his left side, Etho’s arm finding its way to Joel’s waist. Joel stared at his arm for a second, and stared up at Etho next to him, where they were close enough that he would’ve felt Etho’s breath if it weren’t for his mask. “Etho, what are you do—“
“Pretend we’re talking about something. Ask for forgiveness, not permission, right?”
“‘Ask for forgiveness, not permission?’ What kind of blummin’ motto is that?” Joel was going to say, but he shut up as he caught sight of Bdubs and Impulse walking towards the cafeteria. Joel quickly caught on. “Hey, um, thanks for the granola bar earlier.” Joel internally cringed at the way he’s acting. Ugh, I feel like a twink, he thought painfully. He still looked inside his locker, trying to ignore the arm around his waist. “Yeah, it’s nothing. Also, you want me to swing by your place for tutoring?” Joel looked up at Etho, squinting his eyes at him.
“Like actually? Or like.. is this an act,” Joel whispered, leaning towards his ear (he had to tip toe just a little bit because of how damn tall Etho was). “Genuinely. I have to pay you back, you know.” Joel shrugged. “Sure. My parents are out of town anyway.” He felt Etho’s gaze shift from him to someone behind him.
“Okay, the coast is clear.” Etho immediately let go of Joel, giving them distance again. Joel dropped his bag in the locker and shut it closed. “Alright, care to explain—“
“Joel!”
Damn it, why do we keep getting interrupted?! Joel turned towards the call of his name. Grian and Jimmy approached them. “Hey guys!” Joel greeted normally, praying they didn’t see what Etho just did. Grian’s eyes narrowed at him and Etho.
“So.. what was tha—“
“I actually have to go eat lunch with Etho! Tutoring stuff. I’ll tell you guys later. Tell Lizzie that too, bye!” Joel chuckled awkwardly, grabbing Etho’s hand and running to the cafeteria. They finally talked when they were in line for food.
“You think they saw us?” Prompted Joel. “One hundred percent.” Joel sighed mournfully. “Ugh, that’s so embarrassing. Guess I’ll just explain it to them later—“
“No!”
“What d’ya mean ‘no?’”
“Joel, you can’t tell anyone about this.” Joel stared at Etho, not comprehending. Etho sighed. “This is between us. We can’t risk anyone knowing this is an act,” Etho said quietly, picking up a tray as Joel followed. “Ugh, nooo. I physically can’t keep a secret from them though. They’ll either pry the answer out of me, or they’ll find out themselves,” Joel frowned, already annoyed by the questions his two Bad Boys will bombard him with once he and Etho announce their “relationship.”
“I’ll explain everything once we go outside,” Etho said, addressing the big, unanswered question lingering in Joel’s mind: Why?
-
They sat outside, awkwardly eating their lunch together (well, more like just Joel. Etho wasn’t eating. Joel suspects it’s because of the mask). Joel usually doesn't eat his lunch outside. He spends his lunch break inside the cafeteria, even though students were allowed to eat lunch anywhere as long as they didn’t make a mess.
“So, back to the thought of Bdubs and Impulse not actually dating,” Etho began, breaking the silence. “It got me thinking: what if I do the same thing to him?” Joel hummed to reassure Etho he was listening.
“I’ve already said before that Bdubs has always tried to get back at me; what if he’s doing that right now? It makes total sense. So I might as well make him jealous too.” Joel slowly nodded in agreement. “Yeah, makes sense. But why—,” Joel began, but stopped himself. He smirked and looked at Etho and spoke with a teasing tone. “You want him back, don’t you?”
Etho recoiled from that sentence and looked away from Joel, his face and ears getting pink. “Maybe.” Joel burst out laughing, Etho throwing him a look of annoyance as Joel caught it with open arms, embracing the moment. “Etho. The Etho is so desperate to get his ex back, that he decides to fake date me? The Etho? Like the nonchalant, mysterious Etho? Wow, yesterday-me would not have guessed that,” Joel cackles, his sentence true because he wouldn’t have even known or met Etho if it weren’t for his ass grades.
Etho grumbled in annoyance, probably cursing Joel, but nonetheless didn’t say anything back. “But seriously, you can’t tell anyone, even your closest friends.” Joel sighed as he finished laughing, waving Etho’s remark as no problem. “Yeah sure. If I told Jimmy, he’ll just rat it out to Tango, even if he didn’t mean to.”
They fell into an easy silence after that, until a thought rang into Joel’s mind.
“Oh.. must’ve been a nasty break up, huh?” Tango considered giving him the answer. “Yeah, it really was. Our whole group heard it, but you can just ask one of them yourself,” Tango answered.
Joel hesitated before asking a probably pushy question, but then remembered: he was Joel Beans; he was the epitome of pushy. “Hey, I know we still have to work the details on this whole… act, but do you mind telling me why you guys broke up in the first place..?” Etho looked up from his not-eaten lunch.
“Well—“
The bell signaling the completion of their lunch break rang, blaring to Joel’s ears. Joel whined at this, dreading going to class.
Etho sighed. “I’ll tell you at our tutoring session today. We can walk to your house together. I saw you walking to school, correct?” Joel nodded. They walked with the mob of students, until they reached Joel’s locker, where they decided that they (Joel) had had enough of each other and wanted to part ways (because Joel wanted to actually talk and hangout with his friends).
“See you after school, Joel.”
“See ya.”
Joel watched as Etho walked away. He couldn’t help but feel giddy inside.
He’s always been playing Cupid, and he loved doing it for Jimmy and Grian, don’t get him wrong. But this time, he’s directly involved in this situation; it’s not like he’s telling Etho what to do, he’s physically going to be there every step of the way. What he says and does won’t be altered, unlike if he just told Jimmy how to get Tango’s number, Jimmy could obviously say something different from what Joel told him to say. Plus, this will fill up Joel’s already-boring life.
Nothing can go wrong, and Joel genuinely can’t think of a reason for how it can.