Chapter Text
MARCH 7
——
As Yuji looked at himself in the mirror, he could tell he was older. Despite only being seventeen, anyone could, with the jagged scars that took up space on his face. They were a statement passing strangers would curiously have to ponder on.
He brought his hand up to his hair, combing through its softer strands as a few fell forward over his forehead.
He wondered if he looked young.
His jaw had sharpened, and his eyebrows became heavier set on his face, but that was all natural.
Dropping his hand, he would sigh.
Yuji didn’t care what others thought- he had never been a self-conscious type-of-guy. The only thing that had motivated these thoughts was how much of a pain growing older was. Responsibilities piled, the world desaturated, and more often than not, choices were out of the average person’s control.
But it wasn’t the scars or the body ache or mental fatigue Yuji had experienced so far in this journey of age that greatly upset him. No- what sucked the most, as Yuji saw it, was Megumi leaving, and the fact he had no control over that matter either.
Yuji’s thoughts would be disrupted from the soft buzz of his phone in his pocket. Appreciating the distraction from his wandering thoughts, he took out his phone and answered the call.
“Hello?” He said, fixing his hair in the mirror once more and adjusting his shirt.
“I’m done getting ready for a party- what the hell is taking the both of you so long?”
It was Nobara- her voice coming off annoyed from the other line, but Yuji knew that was just her regular tone.
With a smile, Yuji replied quickly, “Sorry, lost track of time,” he looked at the digital clock on his desk before grabbing his jacket off of his chair. “I’m ready, so I’m sure Megumi is, too. I’ll grab him and we’ll be there in a second.”
Nobara sighed through the phone, “Yeah, yeah- be quick.”
It fell quiet between the both of them, with Yuji heading towards the door before Nobara would mutter, “Don’t make it weird, okay?”
Her words caused Yuji to pause, his hand hovering above the door knob. His hand grazed the cool metal before falling back to his side.
“What does that mean?” Yuji huffed, a curt laugh escaping him, trying to humor the situation despite inwardly taking offense.
He turned his back to the door and held his phone with a firmer grasp, wearing a false smile as if Nobara could see, and appealed to whatever lie he was trying to front.
Nobara’s voice had lowered, thinking of what to say next carefully. “You know, about him leaving,” she paused again, “I’m just saying we should enjoy tonight without certain plans for the future looming over.”
Yuji had to swallow the nerves and rushing feelings that fought to resurface as Nobara casually mentioned Megumi’s nearing departure. He didn’t understand how they were all so lax about it- how Megumi saying he was flying off to Northern Japan indefinitely barely caused anyone to bat an eye. And despite having gotten the information weeks ago, the idea made less and less sense the further it settled into Yuji’s brain. Megumi was a good sorcerer, even with a limited technique.
In spite of the doubt, Yuji smiled to himself and exhaled a chuckle into the phone.
“Megumi’s an adult now- we all are. He’s…flying off, and I can’t stop him.”
His last spoken words left a bitter taste on his tongue, but Kugisaki quickly followed with “Whatever,” and a, “I know how you can get.”
Pulling the phone away from his face, Yuji cut short whatever else Nobara was trying to say, firmly pressing his thumb over the call button. The line beeped before his screen went black, leaving him to stare back at himself from the phone.
Looking at himself made him feel an angst he didn’t yet want to address. Feelings only he knew that he kept inside was all he could see when he was met with his own face. Feelings that tried to come out before inevitably being suffocated back into silence.
Maybe it was his unresolved feelings for Megumi that wanted to keep Fushiguro tied down in Tokyo with him until he managed to express his affection fully. Strong, if not stronger, after a year of realization, Yuji’s infatuation with Megumi burned inexhaustibly. Yet, only strife was produced on account of it never being “the right moment.” After all, how do you profess romantic love to your best friend?
Sliding his phone back in its pocket, Yuji opened and locked his door before heading to Megumi’s dorm. A familiar, short walk he’d taken countless times before.
It was a habitual routine- he’d knock, be met with a low yet audible “Come in,” and their usual loose hangouts would ensue. But now…
Bringing his hand up to knock, Yuji’s fist stilled against the door, grazing the wood. He could feel his nerves slipping out into his actions, and trying to understand what the issue was only left Nobara’s words playing back on loop inside his brain.
What was so crazy about being concerned over this? Megumi might not come back, or what if something happened to him-
The door suddenly swung open, and by grace of another distraction or an embarrassment, Yuji could stop thinking.
Now, he was absorbed by Megumi.
This was routine too- the door opening to a boy with constantly bed-head hair and appealing emerald eyes. His lips were usually set into a frown, but face relaxed and oddly welcoming.
Today was no different, except that it seemed Megumi had put a few more minutes of his time in making his hair look less like a wild urchin, and instead a tidy one (if such existed). But there was also the things impossible to ignore- his darker undereyes, the exhaustion presented in just opening the door.
The results of Megumi throwing himself into mission after mission.
“What were you just doing?”
Sharp words derailed Yuji’s contemplative concerns. Widening his eyes and greeting him with a smile, Yuji chose to ignore Megumi’s scrunched look of confusion of why he had just been standing there.
“C’mon, Nobara’s rushing us. She might tear our heads off if we're not in the lobby in five.” Yuji joked, stepping aside to let Megumi out of his room as Megumi continued to look at Yuji with an obscure stare.
Yuji pretended not to hate that look.
With the initial stun from Yuji’s forwardness gone, Megumi huffed out a small “Okay,” and closed his door behind him.
Megumi began walking first with Yuji easing into the same steps beside him.
It was typical for Yuji to brush shoulders with Megumi while sparking conversation with his buoyant talk that would transition into banter. Tonight, he was uncharacteristically silent.
By the time they turned the corner to the main hallway, Megumi had already noticed.
“Are you okay?” He’d asked bluntly. Megumi caved his body to face Yuji, his face softening while he surveyed Yuji, who was chewing his lip in thought.
His eyes snapping at attention, Yuji faced Megumi, his teeth lifting off of his bottom lip. His smile that Megumi thought to be nothing more than static in the moment returned onto his face.
“Peachy,” Yuji answered, “God, it seems everyone’s just worried about me today,” He murmured, scratching the back of his neck. Megumi was sure Yuji had attempted drollery, but it fell short on him, and Megumi only looked down in silent concern.
“Well then maybe you should be asking yourself why,” Megumi frowned, his voice so much of a mutter Yuji was unsure if it was intended that he heard him.
He stuck his arm out to reach for Megumi, but he stopped for whatever reason again, and Megumi slipped away as they came up to the main lounge. And as Megumi walked further ahead, Yuji could feel his throat close until it felt the only thing he had control over were his eyes. They tracked Megumi as he walked up to Kugisaki.
Nobara had been leaning against the couch, her phone held tightly in her palm. A purse was slung under her arm- it’s mere appearance having as much attitude as her.
When she realized they’d finally arrived, she rolled her eyes and pushed herself off the couch.
“I swear my makeup’s already gone stale, let’s get a move on. Megumi, you drive,” She asserted, beginning to walk towards the exit as she tossed Megumi the keys to her car. He caught them with one hand, following after her without protest.
Yuji followed quietly, hands stuffed into his pockets.
The night air felt nice. Its cold breeze chilled the heat from his skin and the stars above slowed his mind to a manageable pace.
Nobara’s car was spaciously small- how she preferred it. Climbing into the backseat, Yuji sat himself in the center. watched as Megumi climbed into the driver's seat, subconsciously looking over him.
Nobara pulled up the address to the party on her phone. The route appeared on the car’s tablet screen above the dashboard.
ETA was fifteen minutes.
At the front of the car, Yuji’s attention was grabbed after Kugisaki burst out laughing at whatever Megumi had said, with Megumi softly chuckling with her.
Yuji couldn’t think of the last time he made Megumi smile, let alone laugh. Not in a while- even before Megumi broke the news of him leaving. That smile that was so rare to see it was like it was reserved for him. It was one of those small things that meant everything, so much so Yuji could ramble about it for hours. Or, he could have, given he thought they had more time.
“Whatever, I’m so excited for this party,” Nobara smiled, trying not to gush, “think of all the cute guys I’m gonna meet.”
As she smirked to herself, Megumi shrugged, “Yeah? Well, knock yourself out. Just don’t do anything more stupid than your usual amount.”
“Tsk, wouldn’t think of it,” Nobara gibed, looking over at Megumi again. “Well, what are your party plans, then? I’m honestly surprised you’re even going, given you’re such a recluse.”
Her teasing remarks didn’t raise much reaction out of Megumi- nothing ever really did. But, he did tilt his head, and his eyes whisked up to the rearview mirror. They landed on a soft tuft of pink hair before quickly returning to the road. Kugisaki didn’t seem to notice, locked on her phone.
With a shrug, he murmured a quick reply to satisfy her, “Seemed like a fun way for us to spend time together.”
“Fun? Didn’t realize you knew what that word entailed,” Nobara poked.
“Hilarious as ever, Nobara.”
Yuji’s back sank against the seat as he looked towards the rearview mirror, catching Megumi’s eyes. Megumi looked away first, followed by Yuji looking down towards the driver’s window, trying to pretend that was where his attention had been all along.
Megumi was leaving because he was unwell, Yuji was certain of it. But, like others, Yuji watched Megumi tire himself just to ease whatever was on his mind, all the while he sat and watched as a bystander. He should’ve been the one to help him. During his time gone, what if he wasn’t okay without him? Worse, what if he was?
Maybe he wasn’t as mature as he thought.
Subsequently, a cool voice cut through the bass-heavy car: “I’m surprised Todo let us come along, Yuji,” Megumi began, “I thought he would have only invited you out tonight.”
It was almost embarrassing how attentive Yuji became when Megumi said his name. Suddenly, this conversation was the most interesting thing in the world.
“You guys should give Todo more credit,” Yuji chimed, “he’s actually a really nice guy.”
Nobara laughed, “Yeah, super kind guy- especially when he beat Megumi’s head in.”
With little effort to prevent it, Yuji began laughing with Nobara. Megumi let out a small grumble with that memory from their first year resurfacing. He waved his free hand in the air to whisk away the picture. “I thought it was a kind gesture.”
“Yeah, I’m sure Maki and Yuta pulled more of the strings to get us in, though.” Nobara added, looking down at her phone again.
Yuji raised an eyebrow, “What, like it’s exclusive? I thought it was just some college party.”
“All I know is Todo has college friends, and for whatever reason, helped them throw this party. And, that Maki and Yuta are going, too. So, it’s a guess.” She continued talking while skipping another song that had been next in the queue, “Goes to show how much stress being a sorcerer has been lately- even with Gakuganji trying to keep us sane with the rest days.”
Megumi scoffed, “And what better way to relax than a crowded, loud party.” His sarcasm wasn’t short on Kugisaki, who only rolled her eyes, choosing not to care.
For the next nine minutes before they reached the party, things felt normal. Laughing and poking fun at one another- light-hearted moments that reminded Yuji of why they’d been so close in the first place. And that normality was of course threatened by Yuji’s chewing anxieties. Because in spite of it all- the beaming smiles and sincerity- there was that swimming feeling at the pit of his stomach.
But he was able to push past that dread and wear a sincere smile, if only for a bit.
Soon enough, they arrived in the isolated woods. Quickly, Yuji scooted to the side door and exited the car, standing alongside Nobara. She gave him a once-over, her lips forming a thin-line.
Taking note of his surroundings, Yuji would see the cars that lined a winding gravel pathway, secluded in trees. He could hear faint music that was stark against the quiet night and summer cicadas.
Yuji admiring the scenery was cut short by Nobara yanking him by his forearm, tugging him closer to his side.
“Nobara, what the-“
“Quit being such an airhead.” She grumbled, keeping her voice low as she yanked him down towards her. “We need to talk, for real this time.”
Fushiguro would come around the car, his hands shoved in his jacket. He looked between the two of them, but held his words, despite the visible confusion in his eyes. Yuji stood up straight and glanced up at him, but he didn’t bother to explain whatever situation Kugisaki had put him in- that was her job.
“Megumi, you go on ahead and try to call Maki. Just tell her to meet us in front of the house.” Nobara smiled, waving her hand ahead.
The dark-haired boy frowned, “I’m not entering the party without either of you-“
“Relax, dude,” she interjected, “we’ll be right behind you.”
He still looked hesitant, Nobara’s words doing anything but reassuring him. With a small sigh, he turned around and whipped out his phone, dialing a number before beginning to walk forward along the gravel path.
Once Megumi was a sizable distance away, Nobara began walking on the path. Yuji followed her and walked by her side, keeping his hands stuffed in the pockets of his jeans. Clearly, any puzzled glare Yuji shot at her, she chose to disregard.
“You told me to not make things weird, but this- this is pretty weird.” Yuji gruffed, narrowing his eyes at her.
Bluntly, Kugisaki said, “Megumi and I have been worried about you, and how you’ve been behaving so far isn’t helping. Just doesn’t seem like you’re doing okay right now.” She shrugged, trying to offer a look that seemed sympathetic.
It caused Yuji to wince- why would he need their sympathy?
Still, Itadori managed to calm himself, looking up at the stars as if they offered an answer to something even he wasn’t sure of.
“I don’t know, what do you want me to say? Stress?” Yuji mumbled, “Because right now- it feels like I’m the only one who’s fine.”
He spoke so quickly he hadn’t had time to fully process what he was saying as he was saying it, but, as the quiet solidified his words in linger, he realized how defensive he might have come off.
Yuji didn’t bother to look at Nobara and see what her gaze held. He only swallowed quickly and kept his eyes ahead.
“Really? Because I think you and I know that’s not the truth.” Nobara’s voice cut the air with halting precision, “It’s him.”
It almost stunned Yuji how that dark-haired boy instantly popped into his mind. His lowered eyes, his smooth skin, his chilling touch.
“Huh,” Yuji had to clench his jaw from immediately dismissing the idea. What was the use in lying to Nobara, anyways? She had surely already sniffed the truth from him like the bloodhound she was. “Yeah, it’s Megumi. It always is.” He murmured, his voice deflated.
Nobara would pause, her face scrunching as she shivered, murmuring to herself the loathing she felt at feeling like a mother figure before she’d continue on with caution, “You’re upset he’s leaving- we all are. But, you don’t have any authority to make him stay. So the best thing to do tonight is to make good memories and get whatever last feelings you have off your chest.”
Yuji demurred, "I just think it’s clear he’s leaving because he’s unwell. We could help him here if he let us. What does going off into the mountains do?”
“He’s taking a break for his health and making himself well again. You trying to keep him here isn’t helping- you can’t be the savior every time, Yuji. Let him be.”
Yuji was sure Nobara didn’t mean for her words to come out as hurtful as they did, but they stung. Her bluntness always seemed to ground Yuji, though, as he realized this was one of the cases he couldn’t help, despite how badly he wanted to.
“You’re a really sweet guy, but your oblivity over this makes me think you might actually be dumber than the main guy of Human Earthworm 5.” Kugisaki would add, hoping to lessen Yuji’s quiet melancholy with humor.
Yuji frowned at the comparison, but managed to digest Nobara’s words to a degree. Potent was a drive to prove her right. Thinking and worrying about himself wouldn’t help anything. After all, sulking wasn’t who he was- actively trying to mend a relationship, was. He and Megumi had saved each other countless times- how hard could it be to save their friendship?
Continuing to walk along the trail, the sight of a large, open gate would enter their sights. Behind it, the even larger house that spilled its loud music into the air with vibrant light that highlighted windows. The house appeared more modern than other traditional homes sparse in the area.
Entering through the gate, a few people loitered on the lawn. They held glass bottles of beer comfortably in their hands, taking swigs between who they were talking to. Scouting around, Yuji would spot familiar, spiky, dark hair. His back was to them, facing someone with short, dark green hair- Maki.
“There’s Megumi and Maki,” Nobara pointed, dropping her lipgloss back in her purse after having just reapplied some. “Alright, time to make tonight last.” She smiled, patting Yuji on his back before picking up her pace, walking towards them quickly with open arms.
“Maki!” Nobara exclaimed, her loud voice causing not just the two to turn around, but others in the lawn. She caught Maki in a hug, with the latter embracing her with her long arms in return.
The embrace didn’t last long thanks to Maki tugging Nobara away to stop her from gushing all over her. “Alright, that’s enough, quit it,” Maki said sternly, yet a faint smile still adorned her face.
Yuji stopped to stand at Megumi’s side, looking to Maki, “Is Okkotsu inside?” he asked, slightly shifting his weight towards Megumi.
“Yeah, I think I left him by the drinks table,” Maki answered, wrapping an arm around Kugisaki, whose lips curled at the touch. “You guys aren’t kids so I shouldn’t have to be your guardian. If you drink, be smart. Celebrate your upcoming grad and have fun.”
The concept of a party wasn’t foreign to Yuji- he’d been to a few, both formal and informal. And each time, he was able to radiate an energy that made the room comfortable to stay in. An unintentional charm he possessed that he’d become vaguely aware of. He only hoped that charm would work wonders this time around, seeing that a college party with twenty-somethings and illegal drinking was a first for him.
Following behind Megumi, who was following Nobara and Maki, Yuji would clench his palms in anticipation.
Entering the party, the cool night air was quickly replaced by the lively atmosphere of moving bodies shifting against one another. As the door shut behind him. Vibrant hued lights that streamed the walls were the main light source. It was loud, but it wasn’t as nerve-wracking as Yuji thought it’d be. He exhaled a breath he didn’t know he was holding, walking further and following Megumi.
Maki weaved through the crowd so efficiently, Megumi lost sight of her in the dimmed room. Nobara, who managed to keep up with her pace, disappeared with her as partygoers clogged the path.
Megumi stopped to avoid collision with someone, but Yuji, not realizing he stopped, walked into his back.
“Shit- sorry, Megumi,” He apologized, taking a step back. Rubbing his head, he realized Megumi had already turned around to face him. Despite his composure, Megumi was more disoriented in the crowd than he cared to let on.
“It’s fine,” He mumbled, the eye contact he kept with Yuji keeping him poised.
Even after time apart, Megumi hadn’t changed, Yuji realized. Fushiguro’s eyes revealed everything when his lips couldn’t.
A smile spreading onto his face, Yuji grabbed Megumi by his forearm, “Let’s just find somewhere to breathe at.”
They would find a comfortable space along the wall, towards the back exit of the house. People were sparse, and they could hear each other speak.
A soft huff of appreciation would come from Megumi, the ends of his lips slightly curled up. Yuji would smile at Fushiguro, his eyes holding Megumi’s without wanting to let go. It made Yuji’s stomach squirm at how soft Megumi was being with him, and how bubbly he was tonight. Even if “bubbly” meant a subtle, but slightly more expressive smile than normal.
Sincerely, Megumi smiled, “I’m glad we can talk one-on-one. Feels like it’s been a while since we have.”
“Oh, yeah,” Yuji shrugged, as if the distance hadn’t been taking a toll on him for a bit. Taking a teasing tone, he’d add, “Hope I haven’t left you lonely.”
“Never,” Megumi tagged, “but since I have you now, can I ask a question?”
“Go ahead.”
“What do you plan on doing after graduation?”
Yuji swallowed thickly. Talks of the future still made him uncertain.
“Well…” He paused to think of what to say. Not because he didn’t know what he wanted, but rethinking made him realize Megumi wouldn’t have a spot in his life in the near future. “I wanted to become a teacher at the Tokyo branch. Help the new generation- like Gojo-Sensei. But of course, I’d probably be busy with missions for a bit.”
“A sensei? That oddly suits you, Yuji,” Megumi nudged, “although, you’d probably spoil the kids- worse than how Gojo did with us.”
The two shared another chuckle over the old memories, edging closer together against the wall.
It was only natural that Yuji would have to ask Megumi about his future now, he figured.
“And you…you’re heading North, right?” He couldn’t help how the corners of his mouth twitched. He truly was incapable of bullshitting his feelings. “Big choice.”
The slightest crease came from Megumi’s brows. “Temporarily, but yes, I’ve had my mind made up for a while,” The spiky-haired boy crossed his arms, huffing out a sigh. “It wasn’t an easy choice to make.”
“Obviously, why would it be.”
Pertness was clear in the statement he made. It wasn’t a question, and he left no room for ulterior arguments. Both of them were raising their guard, words of defense spilling from their mouths with less care for the other’s regard.
Megumi’s eyebrows knitted at Yuji’s words.
“I just thought you’d be upset by it- that you were.”
Yuji’s hand came to scratch the back of his neck, trying the best thing to say, “Yeah, it was…shocking, to say the least, when you told me.” Yuji inhaled deeper as he thought- had the conversation already gone sour? “I guess I was more focused on figuring out your reason why.”
Fushiguro didn’t have a direct reply, either, titling his head, as if to rush the answers to his brain, his hand coming to his temple. Staidly, he replied, “My technique, being a sorcerer- it’s a responsibility: an obligation to protect others from things they can’t themselves. I want to help others with my technique- but to what extent? Being alone with my thoughts can help me see what I want for my life, not just what I think I should be doing. This is more than just a break to me.”
“What if you don’t find the answer you were hoping for?”
“Then it doesn’t matter. There was never going to be a direct ‘answer’ regardless. Any direction winds to the same path I'll have to take. What's important is how I deal with it.”
After Shinjuku, Yuji thought Megumi had started seeing his purpose was more than living for others. Megumi had wired his own brain so absolutely to see himself as an afterthought when Yuji knew that was so much more. Megumi’s words seeped into the air and etched themself into Yuji’s heart.
But the thought of addressing those words in conversation was too great of a task. Nobara was right about how he would act.
Yuji backtracked to the “temporarily,” Megumi had mentioned earlier. “So you plan on returning?” He’d asked lightly, his voice quieter, tighter.
“Yes, well,” a sigh broke apart his words, “actually, it’s not that simple.”
The false safety Yuji used to cope began to quickly crumble underneath him with a mere simple four-word reply.
His silence led Megumi to explain further, meticulously, “It depends on what I learn from the trip. This place reminds me of pain and mistakes as much as I’m fond of it. Being a sorcerer abroad, living amongst regular people, despite my lack of desire to be regular, could be nice. I might not come back for a while.”
Megumi let out a somber chuckle. Hesitant words spilled from his lips, “I still can’t look at Tsumiki or Gojo’s grave without feeling shame.”
Yuji’s face crinkled with concern. He took an instinctive step closer. All Yuji wanted to do was hug Fushiguro and make everything okay for him. He had no clue how much plagued his conscience.
A heavy exhale came from Megumi, like a burdening weight had been lifted from his shoulders. “I feel like I'll finally be able to breathe and think for myself on this trip.”
Snapping out of his daze, Yuji’s eyebrows perked and his eyes rose. “Yeah, I understand,” he hushed, his throat becoming tight, as if to keep his sorrow down. His eyebrows furrowed and his finger rapidly tapped at his side.
The only solace Yuji had in Megumi leaving was the reassurance he’d given himself over him coming back. If only he’d given Megumi the support he needed when he needed it, then this whole thing wouldn’t be happening, right? With missions piling up as they got older, Yuji recalled how he stepped away with Megumi’s insistence he was fine. And in his desire to not be a bother, he let that space grow.
Why couldn’t he have been enough? Why couldn’t Megumi let him be enough?
“Yuji,”
The floor suddenly provided immense entertainment to Itadori. He shifted his weight on his feet and crossed his arms. Lifting his head was a chore, like his neck was supporting lead.
“It’s okay if you’re upset.”
Megumi’s voice had never been so soft. He might as well have been talking to a baby.
Yuji clenched his jaw as he studied the intricate wood patterns. He didn’t need coddling, he needed…
“Upset?” Yuji asked, looking at Megumi like he had an absurd concern. “My best friend’s leaving and might not come back, but no, I’m fine.” The words flew out of his mouth before he could try and contain them again. They felt like bile, especially with the rush embarrassment that came after.
Megumi’s frown deepened on his face. Red blotched Yuji’s cheeks as his palm ran across his mouth.
Yuji would swallow thickly, his throat barrenly dry, suddenly. “Shit, I’m thirsty. I’ll go get us some drinks.” He would blurt, a low grumble of irritation present in his voice at his own blundering.
Before Megumi even had the chance to reply, Itadori had already sharply turned on the heels of his feet, away from the conversation. Hastily, he was gone in the crowd, feeling nauseous.
The people Yuji began to move through were in slow motion. His eyes still tracked the floor. His chest was rising and falling, but he couldn’t feel it. Everything was so quiet, yet mouths were wide open, as if belting song lyrics at the top of their lungs. “Shit, shit, shit,” he panicked, repeating it like a mantra as his hand went to clutch at his chest. What was this, a panic attack?
He tried to remind himself to think, but even that was troubling. Why was he out here? He paused before remembering. Drinks- where were the drinks?
He reminded himself to breathe as his eyes searched the room rapidly until he saw the kitchen illuminated by dimmed, warm ceiling light. In the center of his view was the island counter. Atop it, drinks.
Swallowing another lump in his throat, he found it wasn’t as dry. Instead, it was slick with his nerves and saliva. People began to slow, their movements and words beginning to resonate in his mind. They were muddled, but audible.
Yuji felt like he was on autopilot, his legs moving him on account of his brain’s objective. In a singular blink, he was by the counter.
He couldn’t hear his heartbeat pounding in his head anymore- that was a good sign.
His clammy hands came to grab at the edges of the counter, squeezing and releasing the glossed stone. His head drooped, taking another breath before he would straighten himself out.
If Megumi left for good on the 25th of this month, that meant he only had two weeks to fix this.
Thanks to his blunder, the idea of confessing was a lot more daunting. His love for Megumi made him rash- he didn’t know how to handle himself. The confidence Yuji had in Megumi feeling the same dropped dramatically.
How weird it felt to envy a younger him who had Megumi right in his arms, yet struggled to profess love even then.
“Did you hear me?”
The loud voice of a woman in front of him grabbed Yuji’s attention. Peeking his head up, he would see, actually across from him, was a young woman who looked back at him with slim brown eyes.
She looked like all the other girls at the party: long-hair, pretty, a blinding smile.
Yuji swept away his thoughts once again, holding eye contact with her as he looked over her face.
He didn’t recognize her.
“Sorry?”
“I asked which drink was your preferred poison,” She repeated.
Amber eyes flickered down to the numerous bottles set on the table. It was a spritz bar with lots of alcohol Yuji didn’t know anything about. He planned on coming back to Megumi with bottled waters, but maybe a small sip of a drink could settle his inner turmoil. Liquid courage, as they said.
Shrugging, Yuji murmured a short, “I don’t know,” and looked back up to her. “Which do you recommend?"
Squinting her eyes at the question, she took a beat before grabbing the neck of a long bottle. Sliding a cup in front of her, she poured the clear alcohol mid-way into the cup. Reaching across, she added club soda, the liquid fizzling before it settled.
“Based off your looks, I made a quick vodka soda,”
Yuji seemed skeptical, wondering exactly what message his looks provided. The scars always seemed to deter people about his character in one way or another, and nobody seemed to look past them.
Taking the cup from her hand, Yuji brought it to his nose. He didn’t smell anything off, other than the poignant stench of alcohol that made his nose crinkle. Regardless, Yuji drank from the cup without much care.
He wasn’t sure what he expected, considering this was the first time he drank vodka, but the taste burned his tongue and throat so viciously unlike anything else. Face scrunched, Yuji stuck out his tongue to fan away the taste. It hurt, but the aftertaste was better than anything, with the idea of getting tipsy being the biggest aiding factor.
A laugh and a snort came from the girl as she watched Yuji set the cup down adamantly, wiping away mock-tears at his reaction.
“How old are you?” She asked cheekily.
Yuji, unsure if he had given the taste enough time to settle (despite a still uneasy stomach), would take another harsh sip before answering a blunt: “Seventeen.” to her question.
“So, a freshman? I am too.”
“Huh? No, I don't go here.” He’d weakly smile back at her to be polite, but his mind was elsewhere.
Looking out of the doorway, he scanned the crowd to make one face out of the blur of them. As his eyes hopped from one to the next, the girl forced his attention back to her.
Unbeknownst to Itadori, Megumi had retired from their corner and was walking through the mass of dense heat to find him. Arms glued to his sides, he weaved through drunk college kids, viewing the surrounding area. His eyes landed on the kitchen. With it being the only room with actual lights on, it might as well have been a beacon.
Motivated to get out of the crowd, Megumi got closer to the door, hoping to find Maki or Yuta at least. As he got closer, he noticed a familiar mess of pink hair standing in the kitchen. A sharp jaw, toned frame, a scarred face- that was Yuji, alright.
Relieved, he hurried his urgency to get there. They still had to finish their conversation, because he’d be damned if-
His train of thought was disrupted as he saw Yuji laugh. Or rather, who he was laughing with. Across from him was a woman. She was pretty, he noted.
Her eyes were locked on Yuji. She fluffed her eyelashes at him with every blink and looked at him as if he were the most intricate thing.
Megumi’s eye twitched, involuntarily.
Not as confidently, Megumi continued to approach the door, fighting to keep his mind clear for a reason he didn’t know.
The idea of Yuji shaking him off to go talk to some girl was hurtful, yes, but that wasn’t something he would do. In the time he’d known him, Megumi knew Yuji to be compassionate. Itadori surely couldn't like her- it wasn’t in his character to like someone he presumably just met.
Yuji was just a smiley person, he knew that, but it didn’t cease to make him feel any less way.
Why did he have to smile at her like that?
Sharply, Megumi turned right, choosing to walk back into the crowd then continuing to watch the two’s gushy encounter. How easily he snapped led his face and neck to heat as his fists clenched into balls at his sides.
Slowing down, he leaned against the wall, a few inches away from the doorway. He massaged his face.
Fushiguro scoffed; he was being stupidly immature.
Abruptly crashing into his side, Maki appeared out of nowhere, catching Megumi off guard. His resting frown was replaced with a grimace as he actively tried to scoot away along the wall.
“Is that Megumi I see?” Maki smiled, wrapping a strong arm around to keep him from moving away. Nobara appeared from the crowd shortly behind Maki, with Yuta following her.
“Fushiguro, it’s good to see you,” Yuta greeted. Megumi would smile back at him softly before looking over to Nobara, whose face held skepticism.
Her tone quizzical, Nobara asked Megumi, “What’re you doing here alone? Weren’t you with Itadori?”
The rest of the group looked to Megumi, noting that Yuji was nowhere to be seen. Maki unwrapped herself from Megumi, taking a sip of whatever drink she was sloshing around in her free hand.
“Yeah,” she would chime, “the last time I saw you two, you both were walking off together.”
Fushiguro crossed his arms, “He just went off, I didn’t bother to ask where he’d gone.”
The annoyance clear in his voice caused the few to exchange glances. Nobara’s frown deepened, now wondering how bad their fight was.
A curt scoff came from Maki as she stared at Megumi. Her amusement caused Megumi to give her a sharp glare in return.
“Something funny?” He scowled, his expression rigid.
Yuta’s eyebrows shot up in concern, as Maki’s smirk sharpened.
“No, I just thought you two had finally made up and were off kissing somewhere.”
Maki’s jeering tease wasn’t what Megumi had expected, and he felt his neck grow hot. Furrowing his brows, he sputtered, “What? Why would we-“
“I thought so, too. After all, they almost dated, it was a whole thing.” Nobara interjected, nodding affirmingly with a serious expression. Whispering, she would add, “But you know how they get so shy about it.”
“Awe no, why didn’t they?” Maki chuckled, covering her mouth with her cup to snicker.
“Well, I remember Megumi rambling about how he wasn’t sure-“
“Alright, that’s enough!” Megumi barked, raising his voice. Maki and Nobara silenced themselves, even if their eyes still glimmered with amusement.
Quieter, he murmured, “Nothing has happened or will happen between Yuji and I, so quit it.” Megumi managed to steady his voice, even if his face refused to cool.
Maki looked at Megumi with a softer smile. “Sorry, Megumi, we were just messing with you.” She’d apologize, Nobara nodding along as well.
Mentally, Megumi noted that at least she sounded sincere.
The moment of peace between them was short lived as Maki would grab Megumi by the back of his shirt.
“You know what it sounds like you need? A drink!” She’d grin, disregarding Megumi’s protest as she led him towards the bar area in the kitchen.
“Not really all that thirsty,” Megumi grunted, realizing he couldn’t escape Maki’s stupidly strong grasp. All he could do was writhe in his shirt until he was launched into the kitchen by Maki. He struggled to find his balance after practically being thrown, stumbling a few steps before managing to stop himself by bracing against the kitchen counter.
Now, despite his will, Megumi stood in the kitchen, on either side of Yuji and the girl. His sudden entrance caused the both of them to look his way. Yuji’s eyebrows lifted in surprise while the girl only tilted her head in mild confusion.
“Oh, there’s Yuji,” Nobara called, coming to Megumi’s side. Her eyes would narrow as she noticed who Yuji was talking to, glancing between them.
As Maki and Yuta entered too, the girl looked back at Yuji, a hand coming to rub her neck. “I’m guessing you know them?” She asked, keeping her voice polite despite the odd look she got from Kugisaki.
Yuji exhaled from his teeth, “Yeah, they’re my friends.” Itadori looked towards them, but his eyes landed on Megumi. He couldn’t look away, even if Fushiguro chose not to reciprocate his attention. Instead, his arms were crossed, looking off.
Suddenly, the realization that him leaving Megumi alone amidst their needed conversation to go talk with a girl didn’t look all that great. Nobara’s analyzing glare and Megumi’s standoffish demeanor told him that much.
“This here is Fushiguro,” Yuji introduced, his smile feeling tight on his face as he brought an arm around Megumi. He squeezed him towards him to show their bond, but his movements were slightly stiff on account of his hesitance. Megumi’s attention finally snapped to Yuji on account of the touch. He didn’t care how it might’ve looked towards the girl, and shot Itadori a disgruntled stare.
Still, Yuji smiled at him, before moving onto Nobara, who looked even more confused than Fushiguro
“And that’s Kugisaki.”
Nobara had the decency to turn towards the girl and offer a small wave before her expression scrunched at Yuji again.
“We have to steal Itadori away for a second. You don’t mind, right?” Nobara chirped, looping her arms around both boys and pulling them out of the kitchen before the girl could finish what she wanted to say. Maki and Yuta shared a look from the corner of the room.
Whirling past all the other partygoers, they would end up outside towards the back of the house, it only being the three of them.
“Neither of you are going anywhere until you hash things out!” Kugisaki exclaimed, releasing both of them as she took a step back. “I hate to see you both like this.”
Yuji struggled on his feet to steady himself. When he felt like he had managed to stop himself, his body still wobbled unsteadily. It was the alcohol, he assumed, the choice a lot more grave in hindsight now that his body had stopped listening to him.
Megumi, tired of people dragging him, grunted when Nobara finally released him. He glanced over to Yuji, who was looking down at the grass with distant eyes. His arms were stuck out on either side of him, trying to find balance.
“Are you drunk?” Megumi snapped, his words causing Yuji to stumble slightly, as if they had enough fury to knock him over.
Yuji’s lips curled downwards, “Sort of,” he murmured, blinking up towards Megumi slowly. “I didn’t even drink that much, I swear.” His voice held the unusual sound of a pathetic whine coming from him, his eyes wide and sorrowful.
Those doe brown eyes could make Megumi forget how badly he was upset with him to begin with. His own affection made him cringe.
Taking small steps towards Megumi, Yuji began to speak in a low voice, “I know how bad that looked, but I really was just tryna get drinks. I thought that if I drank a little it would give me the courage to finally say what I needed to say to you.”
Megumi didn’t shift from where he stood, looking at Yuji with crossed arms and lowered eyes.
Yuji let his eyes rake over Fushiguro, struggling to analyze how well this was going so far. Megumi wasn’t moving away, even if his eyes were filled with mild contempt. That was good, Yuji figured, given the circumstances.
Megumi glanced over to Kugisaki. He didn’t want her to watch them like their issues were a television-drama. Yet, he kept quiet, focusing on Yuji. He let Itadori stagger closer until he was a few inches away. Megumi would press his hand gently to Yuji’s chest, seeing that Yuji kept lumbering closer to him with no intention of stopping.
Hushed, Megumi murmured, “It’s not the girl I care about, it was the fact you left so suddenly without a care.” His hand fell to his side, causing Yuji to
timidly lean forward.
Yuji shook his head, “Megumi, I got scared. If you don’t come back, I don’t know how I’d be able to handle it.” His voice broke, causing him to hold his tongue. The filter between his brain and what he was able to express was seemingly gone.
They were so close that Meguni could smell the alcohol on Yuji’s breath. But he didn’t pull away, feeling his stern gaze turn into something more understanding, even if anger still swirled inside him.
Megumi’s voice was hushed but clear as he spoke, “I had expected more resistance when I told you of all people that I was leaving. It’s relieving to see that you do actually care a lot more than I thought.”
It made Yuji’s heart beat hurry with how Megumi expressed himself with him, and how intensely he looked at him. But, thinking back to how he’d unintentionally led himself to be the source of Megumi’s anxieties made him feel sick.
“I didn’t want to add to the problem.” Yuji slurred, leaning forward again. “I'm always outspoken with these types of issues, but when it comes to you I just get- I don’t know, confused.”
Face scrunching, Megumi asked, “You’re not a burden, Yuji, you could never be…” he trailed off, eyes looking past Yuji before focusing on him once again. “I make you confused?”
Trying to come up with the words, Yuji shook his head, shoulders tensing. “No, well, I guess, yes. You’re just confusing sometimes. You’re cryptic and ambiguous, so can you blame me?” Seeing Megumi’s shoulders tense, Yuji’s eyebrows furrowed.
“You barely let me in, how was I supposed to know if you did or didn’t have an issue with me?”
As the silence came, Megumi’s frown and anger dissipated. In turn, disappointment that hurt more than anything. He confided in Yuji more than anyone else, and yet Itadori had the audacity to sit before him and assume he didn't know him.
He clenched his jaw and scoffed, “That's bullshit.”
“Is it? ‘Cus for the longest time, I thought of myself to be the reason you were running away.” He backed away from Megumi, "I know that’s shitty of me, I know, but you had to see what the news was doing to me.”
His words spewed out faster.
“And regardless of what you say, even if I’m not why you’re leaving, I should’ve pushed harder. Maybe if I forced you to speak when you didn’t want to so that we wouldn’t even be having this conversation, we'd actually be in the party enjoying ourselves!”
“That’s your problem.”
Megumi’s body language had relaxed, like he’d finally had an epiphany. But his voice was still sharp, like how his words cut the air.
“You think everything is your responsibility- somehow constantly convincing yourself you’re to blame.”
Megumi came closer. Yuji couldn’t step back any further, frozen. “I know because I was the same,” Itadori winced as Fushiguro continued, “but it’s impossible for every bad thing that’s happened to be your fault.”
“I don’t- no,” Yuji shook his head as his voice cracked, “no it’s just you, Megumi.”
He managed to look up at Megumi, who was suddenly as frozen as he was.
“No one else can make me turn at night or consume my thoughts like you do. I-It’s my own messed up head that tortures me constantly over you.” Yuji laughed humorously, voice dropping. “I haven’t felt good about myself, or anything, since we stopped talking.”
Megumi's heart began to race, never having considered the large impact he could have on someone. It felt painfully, wrongfully good- the magnitude of effect he had inflicted on Yuji.
He reflected on the past before he spoke, shaking his head softly, “I didn’t realize I made you feel that way.” Megumi murmured with quiet concern, “but I don’t need you or anyone else to fix me. I am running away, but you’re not at fault.”
Fushiguro had never been keen on leaving any of them- especially Itadori. But his decision made sense, there wasn’t a doubt in his mind about it. He needed a life where things felt right and natural, not a life where he was putting on his best act to make it seem that way.
“Megumi-“
“I don’t need your help,” he snapped, “I just need to be alone.”
Yuji tried to get closer, but Megumi pushed him away from him from his chest. The strongest emotion was fear- Megumi could feel it consuming him unwillingly. Worse, it heightened when he looked at Yuji. Unresolved feelings that felt impossible to address.
It repelled Megumi away. Still, Yuji kept moving forward no matter how much Megumi backed away.
Why was Yuji still trying with him? How else could he get it through his head?
“You’re not even upset with me, you’re upset with yourself.” Fushiguro blurted, saying anything to just have Yuji give him space. Still, it felt wrong to say, and by the way Yuji’s face recoiled, Megumi could feel his own body tense.
As Megumi turned away towards the door, he noticed Nobara had gone. Without glancing back to Itadori, he made haste to get back to the party before Yuji would grab his arm. Megumi, stunned, yanked himself out of Yuji’s gentle hold.
“Megumi, I lo-“
Yuji cut off his words as abruptly as they’d come out. Megumi had paused, body going rigid, his eyes wide.
Suddenly, Yuji’s words were caught in his throat.
“…I can’t make you stay,” he managed.
That was all his brain would allow him to admit.
Yuji had received lots of disappointed looks from Megumi before, but this one was different.
Because before the glimmer in Megumi’s eyes were gone, and the mystery had disappeared back into the party, Itadori would swear he had seen anticipation.