Chapter Text
Crack.
There it was. That ominous sound.
‘What is this?’
Now that Cale had gained a certain level of clarity after being submerged in…
‘Let’s not think about that.’
He shook his head. This seemed to help with the blurriness in front of his eyes. So he shook his head again. And again.
Pat.
A hand ruffled his hair.
‘...Ron? No.’
It didn’t feel like Ron’s hand. He couldn’t imagine the vicious butler doing a gentle action like ruffling his hair.
He blinked his eyes out of blurriness. Perhaps the pats on his head also helped him shift back to reality. Away from all the messy stuff he would much rather not deal with at the moment.
It was only after a solid three minutes that he could see the person next to him.
“Father.”
It was Deruth. Next to him were Violan and Basin. And behind them were Choi Han and Eruhaben.
Cale lifted his hand to pat his children, but his hand touched emptiness. There was no one else on the bed except for him.
Thump. Thump.
The kids averaging nine years were not here. On, Hong and Raon were not here…
‘They must be outside.’
Yes, they must be somewhere else. The kids need to eat and go out and play. They can’t stay with him all the time. They’re alright. They should be just fine.
“...ale. Cale! Breathe.”
The words brought him back to the present.
No wonder he felt uncomfortable. He wasn’t breathing at all.
‘Come on. It’s just taking in a breath then taking it out.’
But for some reason, it wasn’t working well.
He managed to take small gasps, but they didn’t help. What little clarity his mind had gained was already starting to go hazy.
Someone maneuvered his hands over cool reptilian skin and over soft fur.
Pat. Pat.
He patted the children. Each pat was bringing him back, little by little.
‘Did they teleport back? Or did they enter through the door?’
Cale wasn’t sure. He didn’t notice when or how they had come back. He vaguely heard a sigh of relief.
It took Cale a good while to realize that it was because he had started breathing properly again.
“Young master, would you like some water?”
Good. He heard the whole sentence. Should that be considered progress?
‘Yes.’
Saying that Cale was thirsty was an understatement. He had sweat a lot and whatever he had eaten or drunk was vomited mere moments later.
‘I need to answer.’
Cale opened his mouth to say yes, but nothing came out. Great, now he can’t even speak properly.
‘Come on, just one word.’
Before he could manage to utter anything, a hand propped him up. It was Ron.
Cale looked at the butler, and then took another glance at the room.
The Duke and Duchess weren’t here anymore. When did they leave?
He felt something warm in his hands.
“Oh.”
It was warm water.
Cale brought the cup to his lips as he took in his situation. Though his hands were shaking, they weren’t shaky enough to spill the water from the cup.
‘The kids are worried.’
They’d been too quiet. Either that, or maybe he didn’t hear them talk.
“Raon?”
“Yes, human?”
Okay, there probably wasn’t a problem with his hearing. It was just the children averaging nine years that were quiet.
And it made sense. Perhaps they were scared of triggering a record, or perhaps they were scared of making him uncomfortable. Either way,
‘It’s still uncomfortable.’
Children should be cheerful. They shouldn’t be like this. Like…
“Should I bring you some tea instead, young master?”
He wanted to refuse. Just a few sips of water made him queasy. Bitter tea would probably make it even worse.
A warm cup was gently placed in his hands before he could refuse.
The warmth grounded Cale a little.
Cale’s eyes opened wider as he sipped his tea. It wasn’t the usual bitter tea. Rather, it was sweet. Just the right level of sweetness.
“Human, do you like it?”
Cale nodded his head. Of course he liked it.
“That’s a relief, younger master. I was scared you wouldn’t like it since this isn’t the tea you usually drink.”
“Hah, as if. Bitter tea is terrible.”
Cale froze.
And so did everyone else in the room.
“...”
If the silence before had been for Cale’s sake, this time, it was because everyone was genuinely speechless.
Cale shuddered.
‘What even…?’
He had been quiet all this time, and the first thing he said was this? It was ridiculous.
For some reason, no records related to Ron popped up this time. Instead, it was one related to Park Jin-tae. The time when he’d opposed the tyrant wannabe, about how it went against what Lee Soohyuk had asked of the guy he was leaving in charge.
Pat.
A pat to his shoulder brought him back. But it was just for a second.
He felt everything go hazy again. His senses grew dull as sensations from his record took over.
‘At least it took a while for it to go this way…’
He had been aware of his surroundings longer than before. Should he count it as a victory?
‘The hell.’
This wasn’t like him. It wasn’t like him to just let something take over him for no reason.
‘I have to snap back.’
He tried. But it was difficult to distinguish record from reality. He could see ten overlays of different scenes. He could hear a hundred different sounds. It was noisy. It was getting too noisy.
He was sick of this.
This can’t go on.
Crack.
‘Huh?’
Even with his fading consciousness, Cale could hear a sound distinct from the rest. For some reason, this sound was more of a feeling than a sound.
And accompanying that sound was tearing pain. A pain from somewhere deep within.
He dug his hands into his chest.
‘Someone took away the teacup.’
That was to be expected. Perhaps Ron had taken it back. Or maybe Raon used his magic to put the cup to a table or something.
Either way,
‘What is with this pain?’
It almost made him tear up. And he could feel his breathing stop. It was too painful to move. He couldn’t move his chest muscles, if he had any, at all. They had gone rigid. Too tense from the pain to let him breathe.
Crack.
There it was again. This time, it made Cale sense impending death. For some reason, he felt that this was it. Perhaps this might be how he dies.
It wasn’t fair.
They had worked so hard.
Everyone had shed literal blood, sweat and tears to get rid of the White Star and his minions.
Everyone had done so much.
And yet,
‘I haven’t let them enjoy this peace.’
The peace his friends had fought so hard to achieve.
They should be living a carefree life. A life free of worries that anyone was going to take away what they held dear.
And yet,
‘I might be the one to take away their smiles this time.’
That can’t happen.
He shook his head.
He couldn’t let this happen.
He clenched his eyes shut and held back a grimace as pain wrecked his body.
“Gasp.”
He clutched at his chest again.
He imagined the sad looks on their faces. On the faces of the ones dear to him.
It made the pain even worse.
But,
It made his determination even stronger.
“Eruhaben-nim.”
He didn’t know if the golden dragon was still here or not. He probably was.
“Didn’t you say there were two solutions? Let’s hear them.”
For some reason, he was able to speak this with less effort than he imagined.
“Ah, can you write on my palms instead?”
He could feel someone gently tear one of his arms away from his chest. It made his curl up, but there were no better options. His hazy senses could barely feel his hands. The rest of his body felt like nothing. At least, nothing but pain, with a bit of numbness mixed in.
He focused on the finger tracing words on his palm.
Sealing records or,
Knocking you out.
‘What is with these options?’
These solutions were just as shitty as his shitty situation.
“That motherfucking Go… ugh.”
He couldn’t even curse the culprit behind his current predicament. Not with the pain suddenly getting worse.
He had to make a choice. Quick.
Sealing his records meant sealing away his memories. Taking away his memories meant…
‘Sealing away myself.’
Would a Cale without his records be the same Cale that everyone knew?
‘No.’
They say a person’s experiences shape their personality.
Conversely, take away a person’s experiences and they wouldn’t be the same.
Cale shuddered. He couldn’t stop shivering.
Was someone calling his name? Even if they were, he couldn’t tell.
But he hoped they were.
It was scary.
He didn’t like to phrase it like that, but he found that that was an accurate description of how he felt.
It was frightening to imagine himself wiped away from existence.
‘There’s another option.’
The option to knock him out. Putting him in a coma.
“How long would I need to be knocked out?”
He couldn’t feel if anyone moved his hands anywhere or if they were still on his chest, but he got the message.
A decade or two?
Yes, there was a question mark at the end. It wasn’t Cale questioning his senses.
‘That means, depending on the circumstances, it could be more or less than that.’
And his hunch told him it would probably be more.
Two decades was a lot. Twenty years was a lot of time. In twenty years, Ron would be eighty. And not many people lived till 80. He also didn’t know how long Eruhaben had left.
Deruth and Violan would also be a lot older. Basen and Lily would be in their thirties or early forties. Raon would be a young dragon. On and Hong would also be all grown up.
Everyone would be different.
Everything would be too different.
He didn’t want that.
He wanted to find a way to extend Ron, Eruhaben, Deruth, and Violan’s lifespans. He still needed to see Raon and the other children grow up.
He wanted to be with them.
But,
“Heh.”
The laugh was not one of amusement. It was utterly hollow.
Cale let out that sound when he realized one thing.
He didn’t trust himself.
‘What would me without memories do?’
He was trash even with his memories intact. Without them…
He didn’t trust himself to not hurt those around him.
He knew he couldn’t hurt them physically. But emotionally?
‘Haven’t I done that enough?’
He struggled to open his mouth through his waning consciousness.
“Knock me out.”
Even though he wanted nothing more than to spend his time with them, he didn’t want to hurt them by forcing them to face a version of him that wasn’t himself.
He imagined what he would feel if he saw Choi Jungsoo or Lee Soohyuk not recognize him.
Crack.
It had seemed impossible for a pain of such severity to intensify even more, but somehow, it did. It was excruciating.
He didn’t want to be in pain anymore.
He felt his senses grow even duller. The records overwhelming him gradually blurred before quieting down. He could feel his vision turn darker and darker.
He was falling asleep.
It didn’t feel bad.
There was just one regret.
He would miss the children growing into adults. He wouldn’t be with them for many of the important times in their lives.
He wouldn’t see Basen become an even more capable administrator. He would miss getting the chance to see Lily grow stronger each passing day.
There were so many things he was going to miss. But did he have another choice? Perhaps there was one. One he might have come across if only he could think more.
But with all this pain and haziness in his consciousness, he couldn’t.
‘I’m sorry.’
That was his last thought before darkness claimed him.