Chapter Text
Est sat on the balcony of his apartment; the Bangkok air was humid, but he didn't mind it. He could hear the soft chords of William's guitar, unplugged, just a quiet metallic scratching as the boy practiced a new riff.
It was too easy—this life with William.
And that was the problem.
Est had spent five years with Pepper, and for the last two of those years, he had become a master at watching his relationship die. He had learned to live in a state of constant emotional bracing, waiting for a connection to come back that never did. With Pepper, attention was a finite resource that Est had to beg for, or worse, negotiate for like a business deal. They had spent years as roommates, sharing a bed and hollow 'I love you’s' before drifting back to their respective sides of the room.
He had expected William to be a fire. Someone bright, hot, and quick to burn out. He'd expected a twenty-year-old to lose interest once the novelty wore off.
But William didn't.
He was a presence and attentive.
Attentive to the point Est was scared how much he didn't mind it.
If Est were quiet, William would check in once, ask if Est needed space, and then actually give in. If Est wanted a drink, William was already there with a glass, not because he was subservient, but because he was actually paying attention. He didn't demand Est's time. He offered his own with a transparency that made Est's head spin. He was honest about his three jobs, his schoolwork, and his band, never leaving Est to wonder where he was or who he was with. Not because he owed Est an explanation, but because he knew Est would be upset if William fell behind in his life because his attention was on Est.
It was terrifyingly domestic.
Est never had anything like this with Pepper. He always wondered where Pepper was, and at first, Pepper cared a lot about Est. They had been in love, but it still wasn't like this. It felt like William already knew what Est wanted, like he had been watching and learning, and was doing everything he could to make sure Est was happy. Est never asked for anything from William, and yet, William was a constant even after three months.
There was a part of Est that was still waiting with his heart by the door.
Est took a sip of his wine, feeling the familiar itch to pull back. He had a strategy for this. He kept a calculated distance. A cold, quiet space in the back of his mind where he kept his heart protected. The idea was that he could slip away at any moment, pack a bag, and leave with his pulse steady and his heart intact.
No expectations of forever meant no possibility of a broken heart.
But William made that exit strategy look like a coward's errand.
Every time William looked at him with that unfiltered look of devotion, the wall got a little harder to maintain. Every time William leaned against him after a long shift, Est felt another brick in his fortress crumble.
He had spent five years wanting to be seen by Pepper, only to eventually give up and accept invisibility. Now, he was being seen so clearly it felt like he was standing under a spotlight.
Don't get used to it, Est told himself, his grip tightening on the wine glass. He's twenty-one. He's going to wake up and realize he has a whole world to explore that doesn't involve you.
But as the strumming stopped and he heard William's footsteps approaching the balcony door, Est realized he was already losing the fight. A protected heart didn't break, sure, but as he watched William slide the door open, a tired smile on his face, Est realized a protected heart didn't feel this alive, either.
He wasn't losing the fight. He had already lost.
The silence between them wasn't empty. It was thick with the things Est had been trying to keep at bay.
"You're doing it again," William said softly, leaning his hip against the railing next to Est. He wasn't looking at the view. He was looking at Est's profile.
Est didn't have to ask what it was. "Thinking?"
"Questioning," William corrected. He reached out, his fingers brushing over Est's arm, "You're back in that place where you're looking at the exit. You're wondering when I'm going to run to it, aren't you?"
Est let out a low breath, looking at William. The honesty in William's eyes was sometimes too much to take. "It's been months, William. And every day, I wait for the other shoe to drop. I'm trying not to. I really am, but I thought I was going to get married and have this whole life, only to have to learn how to be alone while someone was sitting next to me. It's… a hard thing to let go of."
William didn't flinch or offer hollow words. He knew that wasn't what Est wanted, not that Est knew what he wanted either. William stepped closer, closing the gap until the heat of his body was a solid, undeniable fact.
"Then let me make it easy for you," William whispered, his voice dropping low. "I know you're waiting for the end. I know you probably have some metaphoric plan in your head to protect yourself. But I'm not him, P'Est. I'm not interested in being a guy who occasionally remembers to love you."
He reached up, his hand cupping Est's jaw, his thumb tracing the line of his lips with a quiet purpose.
"I told you. I'm a fast learner," William reminded, his eyes unwavering. "And the first thing I learned is that you're worth the effort. Every day you wake up questioning me, I'm just going to show up and prove you wrong. I'll be here for the silence, I'll be here when you want attention, and I'll be here when you finally realize I barred the exit with several two-by-fours and a dresser."
The tension in Est's chest that had been coiling finally snapped, replaced by a bark of laughter that surprised even him. He actually imagined William hammering boards to the door, and it was exactly the kind of ridiculous intensity Est both feared and adored.
"A dresser, William? Really?" Est managed, shaking his head as the last of his somber mood dissipated into the humid air, "You're going to barricade me in my own apartment?"
"Metaphorically speaking, of course, and with utmost love," William said, his smile bright from getting Est to laugh. He didn't pull back. He leaned in, emboldened by Est's laughter. "But if that's what it takes to get you to stop looking for the exit? I'll move the heavy furniture. I'll change the locks. I'll be the most charming captor you've ever had. It's like Beauty and the Beast, but instead of a Beast, you have a very handsome, young man with the stamina of a beast."
"Oh my God," Est couldn't help but laugh, shaking his head at the playful grin on William's face. He tried to ignore the way his ears felt hot at the suggestive comment, mostly because William had proven his stamina plenty of times over their three—almost four—months together.
Est looked at him, his eyes crinkling in the corners. It was impossible to maintain a calculated emotional distance when faced with a young man who was willing to play the role of both the locksmith and the barricade.
It sounded like just the words of a young man who still hadn't lived long enough to grow jaded, but even as the years passed, Est was starting to believe that William wouldn't go back on his word. He believed those two-by-fours and the dresser were there, keeping Est in place.
"So this is all Stockholm syndrome?" Est questioned.
William shrugged, "I call it devotion, but use whatever labels you need."
"You're a disaster," Est murmured, though his hand found the back of William's neck, pulling him a fraction closer.
"I'm your disaster," William corrected softly, his voice dropping the humor for a heartbeat of pure truth. "And I'm not letting you go back to being alone just because it's safe. Safe is boring, P'Est. We're doing something better."
Est didn't argue.
He couldn't.
He wouldn’t.
He didn't want to.
He just kissed William instead, finding that enough of an answer.
—-
The feedback from William's amp was the only sound in the practice room until Lego finally hit the kill switch on his keyboard. The five of them were sprawled across the soundproof space, the usual post-set energy lingering in the air.
Tui, who had been scrolling through his phone while leaning against Nut's drum kit, suddenly let out a theatrical whistle.
"By the way, you'll never guess who I saw at the cafe near the university yesterday," Tui said, looking directly at William with a devious glint in his eyes. "Pahn."
The name landed, but William didn't look up from his guitar, though his fingers missed a chord. "Okay? Bangkok is a small city, and she attends the same University. It's not really surprising."
"Yeah, but she wasn't just eating," Tui continued, ignoring the dismissal. "She was crying into a latte. Apparently, she and that guy she cheated on you with are officially done. He dumped her."
Nut let out a sharp laugh from the couch, his head in Hong's lap, "Karma's a bitch, huh?"
"It gets better," Lego chimed in, tapping his manicured nails against his phone, "I heard from one of her friends that she's been doing a whole lot of reminiscing lately. She told her friends she had made a huge mistake and was interested in getting back with you, William. Said you were always the stable one."
William finally looked up, his expression unreadable, "Stable? That's what she is calling it now? She called me a doormat the night we broke up."
"She's definitely on the prowl, though," Hong added, his fingers pausing their movements through Nut's hair, "She even asked Lego if he knew if you were seeing anyone yet."
William felt a cold detachment from the news. Months ago, this news would have sent him spiraling into a mess of anger and 'what-ifs'. Now, it just felt like noise. He thought about Pride, the way Est's apartment always smelled like sandalwood, and the feeling of Est's hand in his.
Pahn wasn't just an ex.
She was a version of his life that no longer made sense.
Est was everything to him. It wasn't just his youth talking. It was every moment he spent with the man. He was genuinely falling in love with Est. He knew that. He didn't doubt that Est knew it. He was pretty sure the Royal family must know.
"She's late," William said, reaching for the tuning peg on his Fender, "By about three months and one very incredible guy."
Lego tilted his head, smiling, "So that's a no on the second-chance romance? No dramatic reunion in the rain?"
"The only rain she's getting is the shower I'm going to take before heading to see my P'Est," William countered, his smile back on his face. "I've got someone who actually appreciates me. And unlike her, he doesn't need to lose me to realize what he has."
—
The cooling air felt good against Est's skin as he leaned against his car, his eyes fixed on the door. When it finally swung open, and William stepped out, flanked by the guys, Est felt that familiar pull in his chest.
But then, the atmosphere shifted.
A beautiful young woman appeared, emerging from the shadows. She didn't look at the band or at Est. Her eyes locked on William. She looked small, her face pale in the dim yellow light, a contrast to the vibrant energy William had been radiating all day.
"William," she said in greeting.
William froze. A sudden tension replaced the easy smile he'd been sharing with Lego as they spoke. He didn't move toward her, but he didn't look away either.
Est watched from ten feet away, his hands shoved into his pockets to hide the way he balled them into fists. He felt the old familiar weight of insecurity pressing down on him. The memory of how easily a familiar face and a few well-timed tears could sway people came to mind. He saw his exit staring him in the face, a cold reminder of what he feared.
William could leave.
People always leave.
"I made a mistake," Pahn said, stepping closer to William, her hands reaching out as if to catch a part of him, "He's gone, William. I was so stupid. I just… missed you. I miss us."
Est's breath caught as he watched. The silence felt heavy. The band was quiet, watching the scene with a mixture of shock and protective anger.
For a second, Est was sure he was watching William make a choice. He was sure William was going to realize that the drama of a second-chance romance with a beautiful girl was more alluring than the domestic safety of an older man. And would Est blame him? No. He wouldn't.
But then, William stepped back. It was a deliberate step, increasing the distance between them.
He did make a choice, and it was closer to Est.
"You're right, Pahn," William said, his voice flat and devoid of the anger she might have expected. "You were stupid, but you don't miss us. You miss having someone who would put up with being your second choice."
It was simple. There was no anger. There was no sadness. It was just a statement, clear as day. We're over, and I'm happy now. And I'm not coming back.
He didn't wait to hear her excuses. He turned his head, his eyes finding Est. The adoration Est had been questioning was right there, more fierce than ever.
"P'Est," William called out, his voice loud and clear, a declaration in front of his past and his friends. "Can we go? I'm hungry."
Est felt his heart jump, not from pain, but from the realization that he was someone's first choice. He felt stupid for even doubting William for a single second. William had done everything to prove that he wasn't going anywhere, and Est was packing the bags and pulling the dresser out of the way before William even got a word out.
He needed to do better for William.
He didn't look at Pahn. He didn't have to. He just opened the passenger door, a smile breaking across his face.
"Let's go."
—
As soon as the car doors clicked shut, the silence felt heavy, but not with the kind of tension Est was used to. William was the reason, his nerves suddenly on fire. His hands were gripping his knees as he stared straight ahead through the windshield. He looked like he was about to vibrate right out of his skin.
"P'Est, listen," William started, his voice urgent and a little too loud for the small space. "That wasn't—I mean, I didn't know Pahn was coming. I haven't talked to her in months. I need you to know she means absolutely nothing to me. Zero. Zilch. Nada! If she calls, I'm blocking her. If she shows up again, I'll—"
Est let out a chuckle as he pulled the car out of the lot.
William stopped mid-sentence, turning to blink at him in confusion, "Why are you laughing? I'm being totally serious here, Phi. I'm not going back to that. I'm not that guy anymore."
"I know you aren't," Est said, his voice laced with amusement that seemed to catch William off guard. He glanced over at the younger man, taking in the protective set of his shoulders, "I'm just amused you think you have to give me the whole 'she's just an ex' speech. William, I watched you walk away from her without even blinking. I'm not worried."
William slumped back in the seat, surprised, "You're not? I thought… I was worried you'd be back on the whole 'he's twenty-one, and he's going to leave me for someone his own age' spiral."
"The thought crossed my mind for about three seconds," Est admitted, reaching across the center console to rest his hand on William's thigh, "But then I saw the look on your face when she touched your arm. You looked like someone who had just been asked to eat gravel. It was pretty convincing."
William's hand came to cover Est's, his fingers interlocking with his. He let out a relieved sigh, "Good, because gravel is definitely not on the menu. I'm hungry for that place with the spicy noodles, though."
"Spicy noodles it is," Est agreed, squeezing his hand.
"And for the record," William added, his cocky demeanor returning to his voice, "I'm still going to block her. And I'm still keeping the dresser in front of the door. Just in case."
Est laughed, the sound light, "Whatever makes you feel better."
William seemed pleased with the drive to the restaurant. He was chatting away about some joke Nut made, which made Hong ignore him for about twenty minutes before Nut pouted so hard that Hong had to forgive him. Then it became about Lego teaching Tui some chronically online TikTok dance that they then filmed for TikTok before they actually got any practice done.
Once inside the restaurant, William settled into his seat across from Est and watched as the older man took their order and set up their places.
"So," William said, a contemplative grin spreading across his face as they settled in. Two fresh bowls were in front of them, steam warming their faces. "Is this what it's like to date a mature older guy? Like, is this the secret?"
Est looked up from his bowl, a brow arched in curiosity, "The secret to what?"
"The lack of a total meltdown," William said, leaning forward with his elbows on the table. "I'm serious. Anyone my age, and honestly, probably me six months ago, would have absolutely flipped their shit if they saw their partner's ex standing in the parking lot like that. There would've been shouting, or at least a week of silent treatment and a whole lot of 'who is she to you?' texts."
He shook his head, looking at Est with such adoration that Est's pulse still quickened, "But you? You just laughed. You weren't even jealous. You just… trusted me. It's kind of intimidating, actually."
Est set his chopsticks down, his expression softening, "It's not that I'm not capable of being jealous, William. I'm actually very jealous. It's just that I've spent enough time being in the insecure lane to know it doesn't get me anywhere. Plus," Est added, a playful glint in his eyes, "I've seen the way you look at me when you think I'm not watching. Pahn doesn't have a chance against that. I'd have to be blind to be worried."
William let out a laugh, his ears turning a faint shade of pink, "Okay, fine. Point taken. Maturity is definitely an upgrade."
He reached across the table, his fingers brushing against Est's hand, "Just as a warning that if your ex-boyfriend ever shows up, don't expect me to be quite as mature as you. I can get really jealous."
"I'll keep that in mind," Est promised, his smile warm. "But let's hope that doesn't happen because I can't promise I'll be mature if I see him either. I might actually punch him."
"That would be really hot," William nodded, "What's his number? I'll call him right now—"
"Eat your noodles," Est warned, his voice teasing. He smiled, "There are far more interesting things than him."
"Like me, right?" William teased.
"You're by far the most interesting thing in my life," Est agreed.
—
Est was staring blankly at a spreadsheet when the door to his office burst open. Daou, Offroad, and Punch filed in as if they were staging an intervention, each carrying a coffee cup and a suspicious amount of energy.
"My office is not your playground, you know," Est pointed out.
"Meh, it kind of is," Offroad said, hopping onto the edge of Est's desk. "So tell us what happened. We saw the band's group chat was blowing up. Something about a parking lot showdown?"
"... You are all in a group chat with William's bandmates?" Est asked, his brows raised, "Since when?"
"Since Pride," Daou said, throwing an arm around Offroad's shoulder, "You and William aren't in it because we have dubbed it the 'WilliamEst Gossip Zone'. We know so many secrets about William that we plan to use them when we deem it necessary."
"Like your first fight," Punch counted on her fingers, "When he does something we deem too 'youthful' and we want to scare you—that kind of thing. Don't worry. They have dirt on you, too."
"How wonderful," Est rolled his eyes. He leaned back, a tired smile tugging on his lips, "It wasn't a showdown, honestly. It was a show, though. William's ex showed up. She wanted to get back together."
The room went quiet for a moment. Daou's eyes doubled in size, "And? Did you have to be restrained? Do we need to call legal to handle an assault charge?"
"I just laughed," Est said simply. "William handled it. He told her she was too late and then asked me for spicy noodles."
Punch actually choked on her coffee, "You laughed? Est, who are you and what have you done with our best friend?" She turned to the others, her voice rising in disbelief, "Do you guys remember the Great Pepper Meltdown of 2021? When that guy from Pepper's gym sent him a 'Happy Birthday' text, Est spent three days investigating the guy's entire family tree?"
"Investigating?" Daou cackled, leaning against Offroad, "He practically filed for a private investigator's license. He was convinced that the heart emoji was a coded message for an affair. I remember him sitting in this exact chair, steam coming out of his ears because Pepper stayed at a happy hour for twenty minutes too long."
"You once told me jealousy was your love language," Offroad added, poking Est's arm. "You were the kind of 'who is he and why is he breathing your air' look. And now you're… cool with a beautiful ex-girlfriend begging for your attention?"
Est rubbed the back of his neck, feeling the heat rise to his face. "It's different. With Pepper, I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop because I never felt like his first choice. I was jealous because I was insecure. But William?" He paused, his expression softening into something secure. "I watched him look at her like she wasn't even there. He didn't even see her as an option. How can I be jealous when he makes it so obvious that he's already exactly where he wants to be?"
The three stared at him for a long beat before Daou let out a low whistle.
"Damn," Daou hummed, "The twenty-one-year-old really did fix you, didn't he?"
"He didn't fix me," Est corrected, though the smile remained, "He just gave me a reason to stop looking for an exit."
"So there is a future?" Offroad asked, smiling.
Est shrugged, "I don't know. I don't want to think too much about that and then maybe freak him out. I'm just living in the present. Enjoying my time with him."
"Living in the present is a nice way of saying you're terrified," Offroad countered, crossing his arms and leaning closer to Est, "But you need to think about the future, Est. You can't just float in the right now forever."
Est picked up a pen and clicked it rhythmically. "Why not? The future was always the problem with Pepper. We spent five years planning a life that never happened. I'm not in a rush to build another house of cards."
"But this isn't a house of cards," Punch interjected, her tone surprisingly soft, "It's been a few months now. You introduced him to us. A very terrifying thing, I might add. You let him stay at your place more often than not. You're domestic as hell, Est. That's not living in the present, babe, that's building a foundation."
"He's twenty-one," Est reminded them, the familiar old defense mechanism slipping out before he could stop it. "In five years, he'll be twenty-six. He'll be in a different stage of his life. I'll be thirty-seven. What if he wakes up then and realizes he wants someone… else?"
"And what if he doesn't?" Daou asked, shrugging his shoulders, "What if he wakes up at twenty-six and still wants the guy who made him breakfast and laughed at his ex in a parking lot? You're so busy protecting yourself from a 'maybe' that you're ignoring the 'definitely' that's sitting on your couch every night."
Offroad nodded in agreement, "Eventually, 'not-dating' has to become 'living together' or 'getting a dog named PB' or whatever. You can't stay in the honeymoon phase until you're forty, Est. He's going to ask for a key eventually. What are you going to say then? 'Sorry, I'm just living in the present'?"
Est went quiet, the clicking of the pen the only sound in the office. He thought about the dresser William joked about putting in front of the door. He thought about how the apartment felt when William wasn't there. He thought about the drawer in his bedroom with William's clothes, the toothbrush next to his, and the coffee mug Est bought for William because it had a guitar on it, which made Est think of him.
It wasn't that he didn't see a future. It was the fact that the future felt too bright that it blinded him, and he was still trying to find his sunglasses.
The truth was… he could imagine a future with William. He could imagine them living together officially, and maybe they would get a dog. Maybe two. Maybe some cats. He could imagine William still with his friends, touring Bangkok, maybe even a trip to Pattaya. He saw a future where William walked across the stage to get his diploma, and Est was there, cheering for him.
He was accepting the part where William wasn't going to walk out the door and leave him. He wasn't ready to think about what that could really mean.
"I'll cross that bridge when he brings actual two-by-fours," Est muttered, shrugging his shoulders with a sigh. He ignored the confused looks from the other three. He didn't have time to explain the joke. "Besides, I'm not sure he even knows how to plan for more than a week. He's still in the 'let's see if I can survive midterms' phase of life."
Offroad rolled his eyes, but Daou didn't let it go. His expression shifted from something playful to something more probing.
"Speaking of phases of life," Daou started, his voice dropping with curiosity, "Has he mentioned his family? Or better yet—have you actually met William's parents yet?"
The clicking of Est's pen stopped abruptly. The silence in the office suddenly felt too much.
"No," Est said, his voice a little too tight. "And I'm not exactly in a hurry. How do you think that conversation will go? 'Hi, I'm Est. I'm thirty-two, I work in corporate, I made your son realize he was a bisexual, and we're sort of dating without putting a label on it?"
"If he's serious about you, Est, that's the real hurdle," Daou warned, giving him a sympathetic look. "Meeting friends is easy. Meeting the parents who probably still think he'll finish school and give up music? That's the 'future' talking back."
Est stared at the blank spreadsheet on his monitor, the word parents echoing in his head like a warning bell. He'd been so focused on his own baggage that he'd forgotten William had a whole world of expectations behind him, too.
"One bridge at a time, Daou," Est whispered, a sigh leaving him. "Let's just hope I don't jump off it before then."
—-
The domestic rhythm of the apartment was quiet, save for the tapping of the keys on a laptop. William was sprawled on the living room floor, surrounded by a mess of notebooks and highlighters, hunched over Est's laptop. His own ancient laptop had finally given up on life mid-essay, a 'crappy piece of junk' that William had cursed at for ten minutes before Est had staged a tech-intervention, offering up his own. He rarely used it anyway.
Est was leaning against the kitchen counter, a book in his hand, though his eyes were watching the younger man work, when a phone buzzed on the coffee table. It wasn't just once. It was a persistent vibration that suggested someone was on a mission.
"Your phone is literally about to fall off the table, William," Est noted, nodding towards the device. "What? Did Pahn finally find a new way to get through your block?"
William didn't even look at the screen, his fingers still flying across the keyboard. "I wish," he muttered, his voice thick with a weary stress, "That would be an easy fix. This is worse."
Est arched a brow, "Worse than an ex?"
"It's my mother," William sighed, slumping back against the base of the couch, stretching his arms over his head with a small grunt. He looked at the phone as it lit up with another notification. "She found out I broke up with Pahn. Apparently, Pahn made sure to let her know it was over, and it was my fault."
Est felt a small, cold knot form in his stomach. "Then I'm guessing she's not calling to congratulate you on the breakup, then?"
"Hardly," William sighed, reaching out to flip his phone over. "She loved Pahn. 'The perfect girl for our perfect son'. She's probably already got three replacement candidates lined up and a PowerPoint presentation on why I'm throwing my life away."
He looked up at Est, his gaze lingering. For a second, the confidence he always had was gone, replaced by the reality of a young man whose parents still held a lot of the cards. "She wants me to come home for dinner this weekend to 'talk'. Which is code for an interrogation."
Est stayed by the counter, "Are you going?"
"I kind of have to," William said, then he bit his lip, his eyes searching Est's. "She told me I could bring someone if I already had someone."
Est looked at William, his expression shifting immediately. He knew exactly where this was going.
"No," Est said, before William could even finish the thought. "Absolutely not."
William wasn't angry, but he pushed himself up to his feet and made his way over until he was right in front of Est. He reached up to take Est's hands in his, his eyes pleading, the same way he'd looked at the bar all those months ago.
"Please, P'Est. Just one dinner. She thinks I'm spiraling because of Pahn. She thinks I'm throwing my life away. If she sees you—"
"If she sees me, she'll think you're having a mental breakdown," Est interrupted, his voice dropping into that weary tone he used when he was trying to be the adult. "William, be realistic. Have you even come out to them yet?"
William's hands on Est's waist stilled. The silence was revealing.
"Not…. exactly," William whispered.
Est let out an incredulous huff. "So you want to walk into your family's dining room and tell your parents that not only are you not dating the 'perfect girl' they like, but you're dating a man who is eleven years older than you? Someone who was already out of college while you were in elementary school? Are you nuts, William?"
William looked up then, his jaw set in a defiant way that always made Est's heart beat too fast. The vulnerability was gone, replaced by the same intensity that had figuratively barricaded the front door a few days prior.
"I am nuts," William said, his voice raised with a terrifying amount of conviction, "I am absolutely nuts. For you! I'm tired of playing the part, P'Est. I'm tired of them talking about my future like it doesn't involve the best thing that's ever happened to me. I want my parents to meet you because I'm proud of us! I'm proud of you!"
Est looked at William. He was both the kid with a crush and the man with a purpose. Est thought about protecting his heart. Meeting his parents wasn't just a bridge. It was a goddamn fortress with a moat, and William was asking him to storm the gates.
"They're going to hate me," Est whispered.
"They won't," William promised, his hands sliding up to grip Est's forearms, "They'll see how I look at you. They'll see how you make me better. I'm finally home when I'm with you."
Est leaned in, resting his forehead against William's shoulder. Maybe that was true. Maybe they would like him, but Est wasn't convinced. He didn't for a second think there was even a remote chance this would work out, and he worried about William. What could he lose if this all went to hell?
"You make it sound so easy."
"It is easy," William's hands were gentle against his back, "When we're together, nothing else matters."
Oh, I want to believe you, Est thought. His eyes moved to the door where he imagined the metaphorical dresser and blocked door, but all he saw was an easy-to-open door.
—
The suburbs were the type of silence that made the hair on Est's arm stand on end. Every survival instinct he'd had was screaming at him to bolt. He had actually managed to turn back toward the driveway before a firm hand clamped onto his bicep.
"Don't you dare," William hissed, his fingers gripping him.
"William, look at this place," Est hissed back, gesturing to the perfectly manicured hedges and the imposing wealth of the neighborhood. "This isn't a 'hey, mom, meet my boyfriend' kind of house. And I am a decade too old, a man, and currently the most significant threat to your mother's blood pressure. I'm leaving."
Est had already pivoted towards the driveway, but he didn't get far. William's hand clamped onto his wrist even tighter, but not enough to hurt. He wasn't about to let Est walk away. He spun him around with a look of pure electricity.
The terror of the impending dinner seemed to evaporate from William's face, replaced by a dawning realization.
"What did you just say?" William asked. His voice was quiet, but it had a focused edge that stopped Est's retreat in his tracks.
Est blinked, his brain short-circuiting. What did he say? He thought for a moment, and then he realized.
Oh.
Oh.
He was in trouble now.
"I-I said I'm a threat to your mother's peace of mind, and I'm—"
"No," William interrupted, stepping close and pinning him against the porch railing. His hands were on either side of Est, trapping him between William's arms. Suddenly, that triumphant grin, something far brighter than Est had ever seen, spread across his face. "You said 'meet my boyfriend'. You actually used the word."
Est felt the heat rush to his face, more intense than any embarrassment he'd felt before. "It… It was a figure of speech, William. A tactical analogy."
"Bullshit," William whispered, his eyes dancing with a dangerous amount of joy. He reached up, his fingers brushing the collar of Est's shirt, "You've spent months avoiding that label. And now, on the porch of the house that seems to scare you the most, you finally said it."
"I'm having a panic attack, okay? Don't read into it," Est muttered, though he didn't pull away.
"I am so reading into it. I have it cataloged and highlighted, and there is a little sticky note that says, 'P'Est thinks of me as his boyfriend,' with a little doodle of a heart with a W and an E." William countered, leaning in until their noses touched. "You're my boyfriend. You said it. No take-backs, P'Est. Even if we're about to walk into the lioness's den, I'm walking in with my boyfriend."
Before Est could offer a rebuttal, the door swung open.
William's mother stood there, elegant and imposing, her eyes immediately landing on the way her son was practically hovering over the older man.
It would take an idiot not to realize that the closeness between them was anything but casual. Est saw the way her eyes took in the location of William's hands on the railing, caging Est in against it. How close they had been to kissing if she hadn't opened the door. Her eyes narrowed on Est immediately, as if she already knew everything, and Est felt sick to his stomach.
"William," she said, her voice a blade of polite curiosity. "And you must be the guest?"
William didn't let go of Est, his hand taking Est's in his, but he stepped back to give Est a chance to breathe. Est could see William was practically glowing with sudden confidence, his own worries long gone. He looked at Est, then at his mother, and the grin didn't fade. He wasn't terrified at all, while Est felt like he needed to dig his own grave.
"Mom," William said, his voice loud and clear. "This is P'Est."
He didn't add the word 'friend'. He didn't have to. The way he said Est's name, and the way he refused to let go of Est's hand, said everything.
—
The table felt like a stage, and Est was the only actor who hadn't rehearsed. William's father sat at the head of the table, a silent, unreadable face who seemed more interested in his soup than in what was happening at the table.
William's mother, however, was relentless. She moved through her list of questions with the precision of a prosecutor, her tone deceptively light as she pried into Est's life.
"So, Khun Est," she began, her eyes sharp, "William tells me you're in the corporate sector. That's very stable. What is your exact role? Do you manage a large group?"
Est navigated the first minefield of her questioning as best he could, detailing his career path as if he were interviewing for a promotion that he already knew he wasn't going to get. She did not allow him to spare a single detail. She wanted even minute details. He felt William's hand find his under the table, a grounding squeeze that was the only thing keeping him from bolting right out of the door.
"You seem… very established," she continued, her smile not quite reaching her eyes, "You have your own place and a steady career. It's a lot for someone of William's age to keep up with. Tell me, how exactly did the two of you meet?"
There was no way he could say anything about the restaurant where he had been smoking because his ex had just broken up with him. He couldn't mention they had several drinks at a bar before William was basically dragged back to Est's apartment and wrecked Est on several surfaces in his place that hadn't seen any action ever, or any action in years. Yeah, no mother wanted those details.
Before Est could craft a safe answer, she leaned in, the killing blow finally arriving.
"And I must ask…, you have a very mature energy about you. How old are you, exactly?"
The clink of a spoon against a bowl was the only sound in the room. Est felt his heart drop to the pit of his stomach. He already didn't have an appetite, but it was gone now.
"I'm thirty-two," Est said, the number landing like a brick against a window.
William's mother physically recoiled, her fork clattering against her fine china. Before she could launch into anything, William leaned forward, his jaw set in that stubborn, defiant way Est had come to both dread and rely on.
"His age doesn't matter," William said, his voice loud with a terrifying amount of conviction. "And he's the most stable, brilliant person I've ever met. He's my boyfriend, and he's the reason I'm finally figuring out who I am."
The silence that followed was suffocating until William's father finally set his spoon down. He looked at Est for a long moment, his eyes scanning the man.
"Being interested in a man… that's your business, William," his father finally spoke, his voice steady. "I can respect a man who has his life together. But eleven years? That's not just a gap. It's a different generation. You're still in university, and he's already established. That kind of power dynamic is… pushing it."
"It's not pushing it! It's insane!" His mother exploded, her polite mask finally shattered. She gestured wildly at Est, "William, you're still a child! You should be with someone your own age, not someone who's already finished the book! This will not last!"
"I am not having this," she added, her eyes flashing with fury. "This isn't a relationship. It's a phase. And I won't have you throwing everything away for… for a fantasy!"
William's hand tightened over Est's under the table. The dinner was no longer just an interrogation. It was a war, and Est was standing right in the crossfire.
William stood up so abruptly that his chair screeched against the floor, the sound silencing his mother's tirade. He placed his hands flat on the table, leaning forward, his face flushed with a mixture of grief and absolute fury.
"A phase?" William didn't shout, but the tone was thick with his anger. "You think my life is a dress rehearsal for your plans? I spent so much time with Pahn because you and Dad liked her, and I was miserable. I worked three jobs to pay for things, I was finishing my degree, you wanted me to get, and I kept the band going while she was cheating on me. Oh, did she not mention that part? Where she cheated on me? And you want me to go back to that because it's what? More appropriate?"
He gestured wildly at Est, who was sitting frozen, his own heart breaking for the kid who was currently setting his own life on fire.
"P'Est didn't pick me out of a catalog, Mom! He didn't even want this! I spent months hounding him, proving to him that I was serious because he was just as terrified of this gap as you are! But he's the only person who actually sees me. He doesn't look at me and see a kid—he sees me. And if you think for a second I'm going to let you call the best thing in my life a fantasy just because he's got a few more birthdays than I do, then you don't know your son at all."
"William, sit down," his father commanded, but it was too late.
The dam had broken.
"No!" William snapped, his eyes wet but blazing. "I'm done sitting down, and I'm done pretending. I'm bisexual, I'm in love with a man twice as mature as anyone you've ever met, and I'm done asking permission to be happy! You want to talk about my future? My future is with him. Whether you're at the table or not!"
He reached down, grabbing Est's hand and hauling him up with an immovable grip, "We're leaving."
—-
The roar of the engine was the only sound for two blocks until Est reached over, his hand firm but gentle on William's white-knuckled grip on the shifter.
"Pull over, William," Est said softly. "Please."
William steered the car to the curb of a darkened street and killed the engine. The silence that followed was heavy, broken only by the sharp sound of William's first sob. He collapsed forward, his forehead hitting the steering wheel, his shoulders shaking with the weight of years of repressed defiance finally breaking free.
Est didn't say a word. He didn't offer to try to fix anything. He reached across, his hand finally the space between William's shoulder blades. He rubbed in slow, grounding circles, just being a presence as William sobbed. He hated seeing it, but William needed to let it all out.
Minutes bled into the night as the adrenaline faded into a hollow grief. Est stayed there, quiet, offering the only thing he could. A place where William didn't have to be anything. He just let him be William, who might have just lost his family, to find himself.
Finally, the tremors slowed. William's breathing hitched one last time before settling into a weary sniffle. He didn't look up, his voice muffled against the steering wheel.
"I meant it," he whispered into the car, his voice exhausted, "Every word. I'm not sorry."
Est's hand paused for a beat before continuing their slow motion, "I know you did. And I know you aren't."
William eventually lifted his head, his eyes red-rimmed and his face far too pale under the glow of the streetlights. He looked at Est, searching for something. Even though he didn't want to, Est knew he had to say something. William deserves to hear it.
"I haven't spoken to my parents since… God, since I was your age," Est said, his voice barely more than a whisper.
William froze, his hand halfway to wiping his face, "What?"
"Yeah," Est continued, nodding slowly. "They never approved of me being gay. I walked out of a dinner just like this and never looked back. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, but it was the only way I could breathe. If they couldn't accept me for being gay, then I couldn't accept them."
The shock of the confession seemed to pull William out of his head. He'd always assumed Est being jaded and cynical might have had to do with Pepper, but it was a scar from a battle he'd fought a decade ago, and he had to relive it through William's own battle.
"Everyone?" William asked quietly.
"My sister still talks to me," Est admitted, a sad smile on his lips. "She's the only bridge that didn't burn. She calls on my birthday and sends me photos of her kids, but my parents… they chose themselves over me. Just like yours tried to do tonight."
Est reached out, his hand sliding from William's to cup the side of his face. He used his thumb to wipe away a stray tear, his gaze steady, "I spent years wondering if I was the problem, but watching you stand up for us, I realized I wasn't. And neither are you. You didn't lose your family, William. They lost you."
William leaned into the touch, the weight of the night finally feeling like something he could carry if Est held the other side. "I'm sorry you had to go through that alone."
"I didn't. I had my sister. I had Daou, Punch, and Off," Est assured with a smile, "and you have your friends, too. And me."
William closed his eyes for a moment, just leaning into Est's touch. When he opened his eyes, he could see the adoration in Est's eyes. It wasn't as if he didn't know Est cared for him, but seeing it up close right now, when he needed it, made his heart somersault.
"... I admitted I loved you in there."
"... I heard."
William's expression tightened into a moment of grief, "... Should I not have?"
Est tilted his head, "Do you take it back?"
Quiet followed. William swallowed the lump in his throat and slowly shook his head, "No…. I love you, P'Est."
He waited. One second became several, and it didn't come. His heart slowly started to break. He was vulnerable, and Est wasn't saying it back. Est didn't love——
"I love you too, William."
William's eyes snapped up to Est's face, his eyes welling with tears again. Est chuckled and leaned in, kissing the corner of William's lips, "Enough tears, you big baby."
"You said you love me," William whimpered, sniffling, "After all this time looking at the exit. You said you love me."
"I'm not looking for an exit, Will," Est assured as he kissed away a stray tear, "I'm inviting you to stay."
—
The morning of his first class since that awful dinner, William still looked like a man who had worked a double shift without any sleep. He slid into his seat next to his friends, dropping a heavy duffel bag on the floor that clattered loudly against the linoleum.
"It's done," William said, his voice raw and his eyes blank, "I've got the last of my things. I spent the morning packing everything my parents paid for into boxes. I'm only taking what I bought with my own money."
His friends traded stunned glances. Lego was the first to speak. "Everything, Will? Man…, that's a lot of boxes."
"They're pulling the plug on everything," William replied, leaning back and rubbing his eyes. An annoyed groan left him, "Every baht I have from my jobs and the band has to go towards my credits now. I can't afford to fail. Ugh, I don't even know why I care so much. I should drop out. I didn't even want to go to University."
Hong frowned, "Because having a diploma is better than not having one. It gives you a cushion. We're not exactly making money off of the band."
"Besides, P'Est will probably be upset if you drop out," Tui reminded as he took a bite of his snack, "He probably wants his young boyfriend to be educated."
Lego snorted, "At least William will be book smart. He's not exactly street smart."
"Hey," William pouted, "You're supposed to be on my side, you know?"
"Okay, let's put a pin in that. Will, where are you going to stay?" Nut asked, his concern evident, "You can crash on my couch, but it's mostly just a pile of laundry now."
William offered a small smile, "P'Est is saying I can stay with him. He didn't even hesitate. He just told me to bring my guitar and whatever clothes I have, and we'd figure it out the rest together."
"P'Est?" Tui chirped, a grin breaking through his worry, "Oh, he's so whipped."
"I would hope so, Tui. He's… the only person who hasn't asked me to be someone else today," William said quietly. He looked at the four of them, pouting, "I'm basically broke, I'm probably going to have to work crazy hours, and I'm officially the black sheep of the family. It's all very melodramatic, but at least I have my super hot, older boyfriend to keep me warm."
"Well," Hong said, reaching out to clap William on the shoulder, "We'll help you however we can. We don't have to move any furniture, though, right?"
William laughed, "No. The furniture stays. P'Est has enough to barricade the door."
After William made it back to Est's apartment, the rowdy energy seemed to leave him. William's entire life sat in the middle of the living room: a few battered cardboard boxes of clothes, a second guitar case, and a small stack of books. It was a stark, physical reminder of how quickly he had stripped away his old life.
Est stood by the kitchen island, watching William look at the modest pile. The boy looked smaller than usual, standing in the center of the room, where he'd just officially claimed as his own again.
"You know," Est said, his voice light with a forced cheerfulness as he tried to break the heavy atmosphere. "It took two years of agonizing begging, and three spreadsheets before Pepper finally moved his things in here." He gestured to the boxes with a teasing smile, "It took you almost four months and one explosive dinner. You really aren't kidding about that 'fast learner' thing, are you?"
William looked up, a tired, but genuine grin tugging at the corner of his lips. "What can I say, P'Est? I'm an overachiever. Why wait years for the inevitable when I could crash your life in ninety days?"
Est laughed, though the sound was softer than usual. He walked over and came to stop in front of William, "It's a lot less than I expected. Is this really everything?"
"Everything that is actually mine," William replied. He reached out and snagged the hem of Est's shirt, pulling him closer, "The rest was just their plans in furniture form. I'd rather have a few boxes and you than a penthouse and their ideas of perfect."
Est looked at William and realized he wasn't just a boyfriend.
He was a lifeline.
It should have scared him. It was scary, but he wasn't scared. He'd never felt so important to someone else before.
William gained so many firsts with him. He relied on Est more than Est had ever anticipated, and it was terrifying, but William still smiled at him. He was sad, that much was evident, but William didn't regret walking out. Even though his life was now going to be a lot harder, William knew he wasn't alone. Est wasn't going anywhere.
"Well," Est murmured, reaching up to brush a stray hair from William's forehead. "Welcome home. Let's go find a place for that guitar."
—
William was focused on the final parts of his essay while Est was at the office. Since William's morning classes had ended early and his shift for one of his jobs didn't start until six, he had the apartment to himself.
Or so he thought.
The insistent knock at the door didn't sound like a delivery. When William opened it, he wasn't met with a package, but with a man who looked like he'd stepped straight out of a movie. He was well-dressed in a way that felt stiff, his hair was perfectly coiffed, and his expression settled into a look that William would consider 'entitled'.
William already hated him.
"Can I help you?" William asked, his hand firm on the doorknob.
The man's eyes swept over William, taking in the oversized t-shirt, the messy hair, and the way William was clearly comfortable in the space. The stranger's lip curled just a fraction.
"I'm looking for Est," the man said, his voice smooth. "But I see he's finally replaced the furniture. And the company."
William felt a cold prickle of recognition. He didn't need a formal introduction to figure out who this was. The expensive cologne matched with the subtle way he looked at the apartment, like he still owned a stake in it, was unmistakable.
"P'Est is at work," William said, his tone protective, "And you're Khun Pepper, right?"
Pepper's eyebrow shot up, a flicker of surprise breaking through, "He told you about me? I'm flattered. I didn't think I'd warrant a mention in his new… endeavors."
William didn't flinch. Oh, yeah. He really hated this guy. This was the guy Est was upset over? This guy thought he deserved even a second of Est's attention? William only had stories to go off of, and this interaction, and all William could think was 'What a fucking asshole'.
He stepped out of the threshold, closing the door halfway behind him to block Pepper's view of the interior, "Well, don't be too flattered. He called you a five-year mistake."
Pepper's expression hardened, the polite veneer beginning to crack, "You're very bold for someone who's just temporary. Tell me, does he still keep his heart in the bag by the door? Or did he tell you that you're the one who changed him?"
"Actually, he told me he loved me," William countered, a grin spreading across his face, "And since I'm the one with the key now, I think it's time you leave. P'Est isn't interested in reminiscing, and I'm definitely not interested in your company."
Pepper stared at him for a long, tense beat, the power struggle between the two hanging around. He looked like he wanted to say more, but something in William's gaze seemed to stop him.
"Tell him I stopped by," Pepper finally said, turning on his heel, "I'm sure he'll be… interested."
William watched him walk down the hall until the elevator doors hissed open. He went back inside, locking the door and leaning his forehead against the wood. His heart was hammering, a mix of adrenaline and a sudden, fierce urge to see Est.
—-
The moment Est dropped his keys on the counter, William laid it all out. He didn't hold back the sneer in his voice as he described Pepper's insults or the way he looked at William. William was fuming by the end of it. He had been since Pepper left. He barely put a dent in his paper.
Est listened, his expression shifting from surprise to thoughtful, "I'll meet him later. See what he wants."
The words hit William like a gunshot to the heart. "You're going to meet him? The guy shows up here, insults me, insults you, and your first instinct is to meet him for a little chat? What the hell, Phi?"
"William," Est said, turning to face him. He wasn't angry. He was calm, using that adult tone that usually grounded William, but right now, it was just pissing him off. "I just want to hear what he has to say. I haven't spoken to him since the breakup. It's better to know the motive than to let him keep lurking around. Its closure."
"The motive is he wants you back because his life is empty." William paced the small kitchen, his hands flying. "You can't talk to him. I don't want you near him."
Est stepped into William's path, his gaze steady, "William, listen to me. I have zero interest in Pepper anymore. He's a closed chapter. I trusted you to walk away from Pahn without a second thought. Now I need you to trust me with this."
"It's not even remotely the same," William shouted, his eyes flashing. "I was barely with Pahn for more than a year! You were with him for five years, P'Est! Don't act for a second like it's the same thing."
The mention of the five years hung between them; it sounded bitter. William was bitter. That was five years William didn't have with Est yet. There was so much history. Est had admitted it once. They had been in love. Even if it fizzled out, there was still something there. There had to be, even if the guy was a massive prick.
Est didn't flinch, but his silence was enough of an answer. Est was still going to meet Pepper. William hated this. He hated that Est was going to go back and talk to him. For all his confidence, William had his own insecurities, and after everything that happened with his parents, he was scared he would lose Est next. Not because it means he would have to find somewhere to live. He would find something, but if Est left him….
William wasn't sure he could survive it.
"I can't be here for this," William muttered, his jaw tight. He didn't wait for a rebuttal. He grabbed his bag from the couch, his movements rushed and hurt. "I'm going to work early. Have fun reminiscing."
The door slammed shut, leaving Est standing in the quiet apartment, suddenly feeling too much again.
—
William stood behind the coffee counter, the hiss of the steam wand a perfect match for the noise in his own head. He watched the white foam swirl into a heart before sliding the latte toward Nut.
"He's actually going to meet him, Nut," William said, visibly angry, "The guy shows up at our door, insults us, and P'Est decided to see him? It's bullshit."
Nut was quiet. He took a slow sip, winced at the heat, and leaned back against the counter. "Well, P'Est is being mature about it, Will. You're the one acting like a child."
William froze, his hand tightening on the milk pitcher, "Excuse me?"
"You heard me," Nut said, shrugging his shoulders. "When Pahn showed up, and you needed to settle things, P'Est didn't breathe down your neck. He didn't demand you block her or throw a fit. He trusted you to handle your shit because he knew you chose him. After all of this time trying to make him realize you're not going anywhere, you end up being the one who walks out the door? Just think about how P'Est must feel."
"It's not the same," William hissed, leaning over the counter, "I was with Pahn for a year. P'Est was with that asshole for five years! Do you know how much history there is?"
"Exactly," Nut countered, snapping his fingers, "That's exactly why he needs to do this. You can't just walk away from five years and leave the door half-open. P'Est needs closure, so he can finally stop looking over his shoulder. If you want him to treat you like a partner, you need to offer him the same safety he offered you. You need to act like an adult."
Before William could say anything else, Nut lifted his hand, "I'm serious, Will. You have been trying to convince P'Est that you're more than just a kid, that you're not going to one day decide he's too old and walk out, but you totally lost your shit over a guy that you said was already out the door years before they finally broke up."
"But—"
"No buts, dumbass," Nut scoffed, shaking his head, "P'Est has spent months getting over the fact there are eleven years between you, but you took a couple minutes to remind him of that because you can't trust him to choose you when he already did?"
William opened his mouth to argue, but the words died in his throat. He thought about the way Est had laughed. It wasn't out of spite but a sudden, unburdened sense of security. Est hadn't been jealous of Pahn because he was sure of what he had. William realized, with a flush of shame, that by freaking out, he was telling Est he wasn't sure of himself at all.
He had been demanding Est be the mature older guy while refusing to be a mature partner in return.
"I'm an idiot," William muttered, dropping his head.
"You're in love," Nut corrected, finally cracking a sympathetic smile, "But if you want to keep the guy who makes you breakfast and bars the exit, you'd better go home and tell him you trust him to handle his own locks."
William didn't wait for the rest of his shift. He grabbed his bag, untying his apron with crazed fingers. He didn't just need to apologize. He needed to show Est that he was still learning.
—-
The clink of a spoon against a porcelain cup actually annoyed Est more than the man's presence. Est sat across from Pepper, the man he had once thought was the center of his world, but now just looked like a stranger in an expensive outfit.
Pepper leaned back, a patronizing smile pulling at his lips, "I'm honestly surprised you even showed up. Especially with the way your little guard dog was barking at the door."
Est's jaw tightened, but he didn't give Pepper the satisfaction of an outburst. He'd learned a different kind of strength in the last few months. One that didn't need to shout to be heard.
"Watch how you speak about him," Est warned, his voice dangerous. "He isn't a dog, and he isn't temporary. He's the person who actually stays. Which is more than I can say for you."
Pepper's smirk faltered for a second, his eyes narrowing. He opened his mouth to deliver a well-timed barb, but Est cut him off before he could start.
"I'm not here to reminisce, Pepper. I'm not here to talk about us or whatever version of the past you've decided to romanticize," Est said, leaning forward. He wasn't protecting his heart from Pepper anymore. He was protecting the life he had started to build with someone else. "I'm only here to tell you that I forgive you."
Pepper raised a brow, "You… forgive me?"
Est nodded, "I forgive you for checking out of our relationship. I forgive you for holding on even when you already had one foot out the door. I honestly should thank you for it."
The other man was silent, just watching the smile spread on Est's face, "If you hadn't finally left, I wouldn't have been leaning against that wall, and I wouldn't have met William. I would still be holding on to the hope that you would marry me or maybe give a shit. I don't know anymore why I stayed, or why you stayed. All I knew was I was a shell of a person, and now I don't have to be. I have someone who genuinely wants to be with me."
"And you think he'll stay? He looks like he's barely old enough to drink, let alone be reliable or stable enough for a relationship," Pepper scoffed, rolling his eyes.
Est glared, "I don't know if he'll stay. And he is young, but he's there. He's present. I never feel like I have to beg for scraps of him. He's reliable, even when he can't afford to be. He's stable when he can offer it. He's trying to figure out who he is, and I want to be there to see it."
"You're talking like you're in love with him," Pepper sneered, "He's basically a kid, Est."
"He's not a kid," Est corrected, shaking his head, "He's more of a man than you ever were."
"You've changed."
"Good," Est nodded, "It means I'm getting better after what you left of me. It took you five years to break me. It only took him three months to put me back together. And for the record, I do love him."
Pepper didn't say anything else. The silence stretched between them until the waiter arrived with the bill.
—
When Est turned the key, his shoulders were heavy with the kind of exhaustion that only comes from staring your past in the face and realizing it had no power over you. It was a relief. He got the closure he wanted. He didn't know why Pepper showed up, and he honestly couldn't even begin to care. All he wanted was to get into his bed and hopefully cuddle with William, after a very long, much needed apology.
He hadn't even closed the door before William was there, his face a mix of guilt and restless energy. The anger was gone. He looked like a young man who regretted every word he'd shouted.
"P'Est, I'm so sorry," William blurted out, his hands reaching for Est's coat, then retreating as if he wasn't sure he was allowed to touch him. "Nut talked some sense into me. I was a jerk. I was territorial and immature, and I shouldn't have questioned you after everything you've done for me—"
Est stepped forward and pulled William into a hug. He buried his face in the crook of William's neck, breathing in the scent of coffee and William's cologne.
"I love you," Est murmured against his skin.
William froze, his breath catching. They hadn't said those words since the car. William thought it was still too soon to start saying it all the time, in case it freaked Est out, but hearing it lightened the guilt. William's arms slowly wound around Est's waist, squeezing back.
"I love you too," William whispered, sounding like he could finally breathe again.
Est pulled back just enough to look at him, a tired smile on his face. He let William over to the couch, pushing aside a stray notebook to sit him down.
"I met him," Est admitted, "He called you a guard dog and tried to make it out like you were a distraction I had to pass the time."
William's jaw tightened, the old fire flickering in his eyes, but Est caught his hand before he could speak.
"I told him to watch how he spoke about you." Est continued, "I told him you were the person who was actually here. And I told him I wasn't there to reminisce, before someone was waiting for me at home who actually knew how to stay. I told him I love you."
Est watched the tension bleed out of William's face, replaced by a look of humble wonder.
"You defended me?"
Est leaned in to rest his forehead against William's. "Of course, I did. I'm protecting what we have. And Pepper? He's just the past. You're the one who barricaded the door, remember?"
William let out a shaky laugh, pulling Est into a kiss that tasted like closure and a thousand new beginnings.
—-
The scent of jasmine and the distant rumble of drums filled the air as William's graduation day finally arrived—months of juggling three jobs, a band, and a full-time degree led to this moment.
William looked different in his formal black suit and long-sleeved white shirt, the academic gown draped over his broad shoulders. Gone was the version of him at the bar, and in his place was a man who had weathered coming out and a total family collapse while he built his own foundation.
Est stood among the crowd of families and juniors, his eyes never leaving the stage. He was proud of William. William had done this all on his own, and when William and his friends' names were called, the roar from the sidelines as he, Daou, Offroad, and Punch cheered vibrated with enough energy to power a small city.
As William's name was called, Est stood there, his fingers intertwined, a way to hide the fact that they were shaking. He saw the boy who moved crates until 10 PM, made coffee for strangers, played gigs at dive bars until his fingers were sore, and funded his own final semester to prove a point.
He was proud of who he was.
He was proud of where he was going.
And he was proud of who was by his side.
William walked across that stage with a practiced gait. He never looked to see if his parents were there. He kept his head high and took that diploma when it was handed to him, and Est couldn't have been prouder.
As William stepped off the stage, his gaze swept the crowd until he found Est. There was nowhere else William wanted to be other than in Est's arms. He navigated the sea of graduates, ignoring the polite masks of families, and walked straight to Est.
"I did it," he whispered, his voice triumphant, if not a little exhausted.
Est reached out, his hand adjusting the academic hood on William's shoulder, "I never doubted you for a second."
William's grin brightened, and he threw himself at Est, his arms wrapping tightly around Est's neck. Est held onto him, laughing lightly as he hugged his boyfriend to him, beaming with pride at everything William had done. He proved himself over and over again, even as he was exhausted.