Chapter Text
as promised, hiori and karasu find themselves heading toward the rooftop of miyashita park two days after the party.
they'd spent the entirety of yesterday afternoon going back and forth about where they could go—eventually settling on this one, having been mutually drawn to it for its recreation of the atmosphere of traditional european christmas markets—after hiori had woken up at noon (following possibly the best thirteen-hour sleep of his life) to karasu's texts, where he'd suggested to hiori a few different christmas markets they could go to.
he still remembers how confused he'd been upon waking, wondering what on earth they'd been talking about at the party that led to them planning a christmas market hangout, until all of the memories crashed back over him in an instant like a tidal wave, leaving him with his beet-red face buried in his pillow out of pure embarrassment.
seriously, he still doesn't know where he'd gotten the balls to be that forward, asking if they should kiss and all. those thoughts were never supposed to leave his mind, and yet here he is, left to deal with the consequences of his prior inebriation. is there a way to kill your past self?
… at least karasu doesn't seem to harbour any kind of distaste for him, if the literal date they're on is any indication.
well—is this a date? he does remember joking about it, but he doesn't think karasu ever referred to it the same way, so maybe it's not. he probably shouldn't be making such bold assumptions, but he also doesn't really want to waste time mulling over the technicalities.
for now, he has a christmas market to enjoy. all of that can wait for later.
hiori speeds up the steps of the escalator leading up to the rooftop, turning on his heel at the top to face karasu, who's still walking slowly up them. he shoots karasu a grin with a certain giddiness to it that he rarely ever feels compelled to show so openly. "c'mon, c'mon!"
"i'm comin', i'm comin'," karasu answers through a laugh, picking up the pace. "yer real excited, ain'tcha?"
"i can't help it, i've been wanting to try christmas market food and drinks for ages," hiori admits, obvious joy seeping from his words.
"oh, yeah? anythin' specific?" karasu asks as he joins hiori at his side again, prompting hiori to start listing things off that he's seen online.
with their casual chatter filling the air, they keep walking up ahead past the gated-off skateboard park and towards the open rooftop space ahead, where others also seem to be coming and going. plenty of benches line the path that they take toward the christmas market, some empty and some occupied by people talking amongst themselves. a sign directs them to take a narrow walkway that hugs the very right of the rooftop—to the left of it, there's a stretch of a grassy area with a few trees here and there, all decorated with bright pink fairy-lights looped around each and every branch, lighting up the foliage with a warm, pretty glow.
hiori's gaze lingers on all the illuminations that they pass by, savouring the sight of them. there's something so breathtaking about how tokyo lights up completely around the holidays, making it feel like a completely different place.
at some point, karasu seems to notice hiori staring at them, with how he leans slightly into hiori's field of view to be able to see his face. "admirin' the lights?"
"yeah," hiori replies with a smile. "aren't the ones on the trees just so pretty? i love the ones they hung up 'round the rooftop railings too. it's all so… atmospheric."
"it is," agrees karasu, staring up ahead. "ohh, yer gonna love the ones at the christmas market. look at that."
hiori follows his gaze, gasping a little when he sees what he's talking about. the market is now finally in sight, with them just short of being able to exit the pathway leading up to it. even from here, he can clearly see the canopy of lights strung up high above the market, forming two blankets of blue stars in the spots where ivy would usually go on the rooftop's arches and framing the empty space in between. in combination with the lights on the railing and the trees, it bathes the entire rooftop in a soft, dreamy cerulean hue that makes it look like some sort of magical wonderland.
"gorgeous…" hiori breathes. his gaze drops down to the rustic, chalet-style stalls of the market surrounding a tall, ornate christmas tree in the centre, which acts as a backdrop for a life-size santa statue that people seem to be lining up to take pictures with. a pleasant blend of savoury and sweet scents waft through the air, drifting towards them from the many food stalls. a huge rush of excitement passes through him once more, and he reaches over to grab karasu's hand, beaming at him as he tugs him forward gently. "c'mon, let's go, there's so much we gotta try!"
"i can already hear my wallet mournin'…" karasu complains, but it's obvious in his tone that he doesn't particularly mind. hiori laughs at his little comment, looking over his shoulder at him.
"shouldn't've lost, then," he teases. karasu groans at the reminder.
"i thought ya forgot about that."
hiori's cheeks colour a tiny bit, his pace slowing so he could walk beside karasu and not ahead of him. "i mean, i genuinely did forget for the first few minutes i was awake yesterday, until i saw the texts ya sent me." he pauses, only just realizing that he's still holding karasu's hand, which he lets go of immediately out of concern that the contact may make karasu uncomfortable, his face warming even further. he quickly changes the topic to the stall at their right. "a—anyway, aren't those decorations real cute?"
they approach it to get a better look at the wares, all of which appear to be handmade. hiori can see various kinds of dolls made out of wood or ceramics, usually depicting santa or his elves. there are intricately-carved little christmas trees, and stained-glass candle houses, and a fully-functioning, tiny wooden carousel with a spinning horse and little lights on the top that he finds himself way too captivated by. on the side, hand-painted christmas tree ornaments hang, and hiori can't help rotating a few to get a full view of them.
"do ya want anythin'?" karasu asks, glancing over at him. hiori's gaze flits back and forth between the decorations, feeling a little dazzled by their charm. if he could, he'd take them all.
he cannot reasonably do that without emptying karasu's wallet—which he will not do under any circumstance—so he looks over at the vendor with his fingertips ghosting over one of the ornaments that caught his eye. "how much is this one?"
"all the wooden ornaments are 2,000 yen, including that one! we also have these glass-blown ones over here that are imported straight from germany, which come at a bit more of a premium, costing up to 4,000 yen," she explains, gesturing towards each ornament section. internally, hiori winces. that's how much a single ornament costs…? he really shouldn't be surprised, considering he's at a christmas market, but still.
"we'll take that one, please," karasu confirms, pointing at the one hiori wanted and sliding over the correct amount in cash before hiori can say anything. hiori turns to him with wide eyes, giving him a look that says, 'are you sure?' that he's certain karasu notices, but pretends not to see.
within moments, hiori's walking away from the stall with a small bag that karasu handed him, containing the ornament that the lady had nicely packaged up.
"he—hey, ya didn't have to buy that for me, wasn't that pretty expensive for an ornament…?" hiori manages to say, tightening his hold on the bag's handle, as if it holds something precious. karasu only sends him a wide grin in response.
"i knew ya'd say somethin' stupid like that. if i gave any other friend this kinda opportunity to get anythin' they wanted from here, i'd already have my pockets emptied. and yet here ya are, tellin' me shit like this. it was so obvious in yer eyes that ya really wanted it, so why wouldn't i get it for ya?" karasu asks, as if it's the simplest thing in the world.
hiori blinks at him, then blinks again. slowly, his lips quirk up, a strong sense of fondness rushing through him. "… ya really are too sweet, no matter what ya say. ya just proved me right that i made the right choice in ornaments."
"how so?"
he takes the little box out of the bag and opens it up to reveal a simple, wooden ornament of a crow flying over a frozen, icy lake towards the setting sun. it only has flat colours and barely any real intricacy to it, but hiori couldn't help feeling drawn to it the most out of anything at that stall. he takes it out and holds it up, letting it dangle off of his fingertips as he stares at it again. "this just… reminded me of us, i guess. i can't explain it without soundin' completely nonsensical, but somethin' about a crow flyin' high above a long stretch of ice in the middle of a frozen winter just feels like us as an ornament, doesn't it?" he asks, glancing up at karasu.
karasu raises an eyebrow, curiously inquisitive. "hm... does it?"
"i thought so, at least. think about it, there's barely any life out where there's nothin' but snow and ice. if the ice had a soul, it'd get lonely pretty often, i think. and so, if a crow came flying by out of nowhere, would the ice not feel a little less alone in a world where there's usually nothin' but itself and the gloomy sky?" hiori elaborates, thinking that surely, this sounds utterly ridiculous and would make zero sense to anyone but himself.
karasu's sharp gaze lingers on him for a long moment before he musters up a response. "there are still micro-organisms and the occasional polar bear or seal in these kinds of icy climates, though. it's not like the crow is the only thing there."
"but the micro-organisms are barely noticeable to something as large and expansive as ice, and the polar bears and seals are in a constant predator-prey relationship with each other. they're too absorbed in their own needs for survival to pay much mind to the ice they're on, besides usin' it for the sake of said survival without carin' about it otherwise. seein' something out of the ordinary and fully independent of itself, like a crow, would likely mean a lot to the ice. it'd think the crow was quite special, and maybe even hope for it to fly by again… in turn, i think the crow would also be fascinated by the ice. they aren't usually found in super cold climates, right? so then, the two of them mutually consider the other extraordinary."
something new flashes in karasu's eyes—pure, unguarded surprise. he blinks at hiori like he said something earth-shattering, but as quickly as any of karasu's sudden expression changes do, it shifts back to neutrality. hiori mourns the loss of that vulnerable look, wishing that karasu could let his walls down in front of hiori for even a second, to trust him with whatever's running through his mind.
"… so yer sayin' that the crow is extraordinary to the ice just 'cause it exists in the ice's vicinity, no other reason? i find that hard to believe," karasu murmurs out, gaze flitting somewhere to the left. hiori takes one step closer to bring karasu's attention back to him, giving him a small smile.
they're definitely both past talking about nature, at this point. neither of them verbalize it, but hiori can tell that karasu has understood what he's been trying to say. so when he responds, he almost forgets his commitment to the analogy.
"it's not solely because of the fact that it exists, but i think that's as good a reason as any. when someon—somethin' unique breaks up the monotony of the ice's world for the very first time, i think a bit of fascination is to be expected, is it not? the crow might see itself as ordinary 'cause it's so used to itself, but in the right environment… and around the right people, it'll be the most remarkable thing around, just by bein' its usual self. am i wrong?"
for a moment, karasu's completely silent. his scrutinizing gaze never leaves hiori, searching for something in his expression, as if whatever he sees will convince karasu whether to believe him or not. eventually, karasu looks away and down at the ornament that still hangs off of hiori's fingers, seeming rather pensive.
"unique 'n remarkable, huh…" he whispers, quiet enough that hiori almost doesn't hear what he says over the crowd's chatter and the upbeat christmas music. then, he turns his gaze back to the market as he responds to hiori. "it's nice that yer able ta see the crow that way, but i can't claim ta get how or why. in my eyes, people and things need to stand out in some tangible way to be considered extraordinary, whether it's for a good or bad reason."
"that's real silly of ya to say when crows are reknowned for their intellect," hiori says, returning the ornament into the box and setting it back into the bag carefully. he hesitates momentarily, wondering if it'd be okay to drop the analogy and just be straight-forward. he doesn't think there's a point in sticking so strictly to it any longer, so he looks back up at karasu, gaze growing soft as he lets his thoughts flow freely. "i just… can't see ya as ordinary when, on our very first meetin', ya were able to perceive me in a way that nobody has made an effort to do before, then gave me the exact words i've been needin' to hear my whole life. it's 'cause of that intellect of yours that i was able to develop any self-assurance at all. so, to me, you're extraordinary, karasu. nothin' ya say will ever make me think otherwise."
karasu goes wide-eyed, still staring off at some far-off point of the market. he parts his lips, as if to say something in return, only to seal them again after a beat. an exhale leaves him through his nose, slow and somewhat shaky. he grabs at hiori's wrist to give it the lightest tug, then lets go of it immediately after, turning and walking off on his own. "yer ridiculous. c'mon, let's go eat somethin', we've been chattin' for too long."
for a moment, hiori feels stunned by the sudden change in topic. his legs move on autopilot in an effort to catch up to karasu, and in doing so, he's able to get close enough to spot a bright dusting of red at the very tips of karasu's ears. captivated, hiori stares for a second, his lips twitching up. is he flustered?
hiori purses his lips, holding back a laugh as he joins karasu at his side once more. seems like somebody can't handle earnest compliments.
… it's really cute.
after a little while, they've settled down with their food haul at one of the nearby tables, digging in almost immediately. they'd started off with light-hearted chatter about how good the grilled bratwurst and lebkuchen are, but it somehow turned into people-watching to pass the time. it was karasu's suggestion to make a little game out of discreetly observing anyone that passes by, and now here they are, thinking up life stories for strangers, ranging from ordinary to downright outlandish.
"do ya reckon that the lady over there keeps messin' with her wristwatch 'cause she's a time traveler from the future, and the only way to go back to her timeline is with the help of the christmas market's festive spirit?" hiori mumbles out, throwing her another glance out of the corner of his eye.
"like, ya gotta be at the right place at the right time, kinda deal?" karasu asks. "and she has ta be near the life-size santa claus statue for ten minutes straight 'cause she was standin' near a very similar one when she time-travelled. it's like a really merry and really strange portal to the year 2280."
hiori starts snickering into the rim of his decorative hot chocolate mug—which he's already decided he's taking home as a souvenir, it's too cute not to—and narrowly avoids choking from laughter on a sip at the very last second. "no, exactly! and for some reason the watch refuses to let her go back 'cause she still has somethin' left to do here…" he trails off, noticing the way she gives up and walks over to a nearby food stall to view what they're selling. "ohh, she can't time-travel on an empty stomach, huh? i'd imagine it takes a lot of strength out of ya."
"the universe is literally preventin' her from dyin' by way of irresponsible timeline-hoppin', that's so considerate," karasu says through a laugh. hiori buries the lower half of his face into his palm to muffle his own giggles.
"okay, okay, what about… that sad lookin' man over there, lookin' at the wool scarves? ya don't usually see people lookin' so down at a christmas market, of all places," hiori points out.
karasu leans in a little after spotting the man, faux-whispering his guess to hiori. "he and his wife had an argument a month ago over somethin' that nearly left their marriage beyond repair, and that scarf reminds him of the one she wore that night. he can't look at the colour red the same way ever again 'cause he can only think of her upon seein' it."
hiori's eyebrows rise high up his forehead, a small gasp leaving him. "ohh, that's tragic… maybe he's lookin' for a new one to gift to her as an apology 'cause he knows how much she loves scarves, but can't make up his mind. he feels like there's always a better choice out there, and if he gives the wrong gift, it'll ruin their bond even more."
"overthinkin' things will do that to ya. chances are, whatever his first choice was would've already made her happy, and she's been waitin' for him to make any effort to come back for ages," karasu adds.
hiori gives a small sigh, feeling his heart ache for the man in this fictional situation they've made up. "it all sounds so complicated. i wish the both of 'em the best of luck."
an amused huff escapes karasu in response to hiori's expression of sympathy. his gaze darts through the crowd, scanning for more interesting people, and hiori sees the exact moment that his eyes land somewhere. a moment passes before karasu speaks again. "y'see the two girls over there, at that table? the girl in ryousangata, and the gyaru next to her. they're totally on a first date, i mean, look how nervous the taller one is. she's basically about to jump out of her own skin."
hiori subtly follows his gaze, pinpointing the pair that he's referring to. hiori's lips quiver in amusement when he spots the taller girl's tense body language and bright pink cheeks, which only darken further when the gyaru cheerily offers her a bite of her crepe. "you're right, she's losin' her mind. i think they both like each other, isn't that so sweet…"
"i just know shortie's the popular girl at school who the taller one thought she didn't stand a chance with, until her friends goaded her into puttin' a love letter in her locker," karasu says through a bite of his churro.
"and to her surprise, she actually sent a letter back sayin' she's been interested in her too, and wants to meet up to get to know each other more!" hiori finishes with a grin. "and that's how they ended up here. i mean, this really is a good date spot, isn't it? i've seen tons of couples today. i think most of the pairs here are couples, actually."
"it makes sense. christmas eve and valentine's day are the most anticipated days of the years by far for couples, so it's only natural that any christmas romance would extend to the entirety of the holiday season." karasu takes a sip of his hot ginger lemonade, eyes slipping shut momentarily. when he puts the mug back on the table, his lips quirk up in amusement, glancing up at hiori with teasing playfulness in his gaze. "but it really does look like we're on a date, when ya put it like that. should i feed ya some of my churro? is that couple-like?"
hiori goes wide-eyed, his face warming heavily at karasu's sudden boldness. he's been so evasive about calling this a date, or even acknowledging any of the recent changes in their dynamic, and now suddenly he's—flirting?!
with his heart thumping in his ears, hiori averts his gaze, blinking rapidly. he hopes that he hasn't gone too red. after all, now that he thinks about it, karasu's probably just saying that to try and pull a reaction out of him, knowing the way that he is. "th—that's okay, ya don't hafta do that…"
out of the corner of his eye, hiori sees karasu give a shrug in response. "i mean, suit yerself, but i really don't mind sharin'."
hiori looks back at karasu, immediately noting the blatant amusement that still lingers in his gaze, and the slight quirk of his lip. he narrows his eyes the slightest bit in suspicion. "i get the feelin' you're just sayin' that so i can accept your offer, only for ya to turn it around and be all 'kiddin', i'm not gonna share! get yer own!', or somethin' like that."
karasu bursts into exuberant laughter, his eyes crinkling at the corners in the way that hiori adores. for a moment, hiori finds himself enchanted by the sight of his mirth, but it quickly blends into mild exasperation at how obviously he hit the nail on the head.
"ya know me too well, i can't even mess with ya anymore!"
"we've been friends for long enough, karasu," hiori reminds, a light-hearted smile playing on his own lips. "ya'd never say anythin' that flirty in full seriousness."
"well, yeah. i don't think either of us are the type to say somethin' real bold like that and mean it. it's all in good, friendly fun, y'know?" karasu waves off, casual as ever.
hiori goes still for a moment, his eyes darting to the side for a split second, then down at the hot chocolate cradled in his grasp. there's no way he's actually saying 'either' of them, when they'd nearly kissed a few nights ago because of hiori's own stupid boldness. does he genuinely think hiori was just playing around, or is it because hiori was intoxicated that he refuses to consider it as an actual move on him? hiori did mean it—he meant it too much for his own comfort, even.
"y—yeah, it is…" he agrees a touch too stiffly, lifting the mug up to his face and taking a sip in an attempt to look composed. the sweetness calms him enough to bring his expression back to something more neutral, his mind working overtime to figure out a natural-sounding topic change. his eyes land on a stall that he hasn't yet dropped by, eyes lighting up a bit as he sets down his mug. it's the perfect chance to catch a breather. "oh, um, i just realized we haven't tried any of the candied nuts. i'll go buy us some real quick, they looked super good!"
he gets up and hurries off without waiting for karasu's response, but still manages to catch a glimpse of the piercing, all-seeing look sent his way—the one that makes hiori feel like there's nothing he can ever truly keep secret.
a shaky breath escapes him. the cold air nips at his face, and he tugs the collar of his turtleneck a little higher up, fingertips fidgeting with the fabric.
if only karasu wouldn't inadvertently pry those secrets out of hiori, if he already doesn't want anything romantic. hiori knows that their bond is a ticking time-bomb that'll self-destruct the minute his feelings come to light, and they certainly will in due time if karasu ever puts two and two together.
even so, he selfishly wants to hold onto it for just a little while longer.
the walk back is calm.
hiori had expected to be prodded at by karasu for his earlier reaction, but surprisingly enough, that never happened. it's left him in a strange, blended state of uneasy anticipation and relief. even so, the cold breeze soothes him somewhat, and their easy conversation follows them all the way home.
in front of hiori's front door, they linger in that odd middle-ground between leaving and staying. the silence curls around them—not uncomfortably, but with an undertone of something left unsaid. hiori wonders just how much has been left unsaid between the two of them, and if they'd ever verbalize any of it.
one of them's gotta be the one to take a step toward that honesty, hiori thinks. in spite of the terrifying, real risk of saying something that could give his feelings away at any given moment, and the restlessness firmly embedded beneath his skin at the thought, he decides to just start with what's currently on his mind. simple gratitude won't hurt, surely.
"… i think this is the first time i've ever had proper fun durin' the festive season," hiori murmurs near-inaudibly, staring idly at the night sky.
karasu's gaze focuses on him, thoughtful and curious. "that so?"
"mhm. my family did celebrate it with me, but i—i don't know. i've just never enjoyed it with them, it never felt warm like i've heard so many people describe the holidays to be. with ya, though…" hiori trails off, pursing his lips momentarily. his heart drums in his chest loudly enough for him to worry that karasu would hear it, but he presses on, looking over at karasu and holding his gaze. "with ya, it's completely different. i felt really happy today 'cause of ya. so, thank ya lots, karasu."
there's a flicker in karasu's eyes that hiori can't quite make sense of. it vanishes in a blink, overwritten with a downturned smile and an amused exhale. "i mean, i'd sure hope i'm more fun than yer borin', douchebag parents." his gaze drifts off to the side, lips still parted, clearly debating whether to say anything more. after a beat, he continues. "… i get what ya mean though, i had fun too. thanks."
the breeze that had been no more than a light caress until now suddenly intensifies. it catches hiori off guard, making him squeeze his eyes shut. the gust of wind messes up his hair, and he feels a few strands whip into his face, which he flicks back to the side haphazardly. when he reopens his eyes, his gaze immediately lands on a strand of karasu's bangs that got blown out of place. with how precisely coiffed his hair is almost all of the time, it's hard to ignore any imperfection.
before hiori can even think about what he's doing, he takes a step forward and lifts a hand up to the strand. carefully, he brushes it back into place, fingertips unintentionally caressing skin. his breathing stills completely when he realizes what he's done, and so does his hand, lingering on karasu's temple.
they lock eyes, and time seems to come to a halt. hiori holds karasu's wide gaze with bated breath, searching for any sign of discomfort in his expression, but he can't pinpoint anything.
"your… your hair was out of place," hiori justifies, quiet and hesitant. he doesn't pull his hand back like he should, now that he's fixed the strand, and there's no more reason to be lingering there. instead, he lets his fingers curl inward, knuckles lightly brushing karasu's cheekbone.
just as he's wondering what it'd be like to bring it even lower and cup karasu's cheek—how he'd react, what face he'd make, whether he'd melt into his touch or not, whether he'd let hiori pull him in and kiss him like he wishes he did that night—karasu sharply tears himself away from hiori and takes a step back, sending cold dread through hiori's veins. karasu stares off somewhere to the side, firmly avoiding hiori's startled gaze.
"yeah, uh. thanks. for… for gettin' that, i mean." karasu distractedly pats his pockets as he's speaking, eventually pulling his keys out and taking a few hurried strides over to his front door. his key clacks against the lock when he misses it once, then twice, in uncharacteristic clumsiness. "anyway, was nice hangin' with ya today, see ya later, bye!"
his lips part with words that die out as soon as karasu swings the door open. despite the way hiori's mind races, repeating the interaction over and over in his head in an effort to find what went wrong, his heart still weakly skips a beat when he catches a glimpse of vibrant red tinting the tips of karasu's ears at the very last second, just before he disappears through the entryway.
hiori stares blankly at the spot where karasu stood only moments prior.
should he not have touched karasu? did the lingering of his hand unsettle him, or did he see too much in hiori's gaze? he's never had the best control of his facial expressions, after all, so maybe hiori betrayed his own feelings somehow, even without words. but, well, there was that pretty flush at karasu's ears, wasn't there? that's twice in one day, now, that he's gotten that reaction out of karasu… which could mean nothing though, because blushing is involuntary. and especially with the way he fled, there's no way he would've rushed off that fast without having been at least a little freaked out by hiori.
hiori's hand finds his other arm, sinking his nails into the skin the tiniest bit to ground himself. a slow, shaky exhale leaves him.
did he mess up?