Chapter Text
‘Shane, let me get this straight, well, as straight as makes sense in this case,” Dr. Jensen laughed with Shane at her own joke. “In the past two years, you almost lost the love of your life in a plane crash, you got engaged and decided to come out, you have been outed, not only as gay but being with your supposed archrival, by a video posted by your supposed best friend, you got benched from your team, your team stopped talking to you, you tripped very publicly and were accused of doing so on purpose, your team and an entire fanbase accused you of throwing that game and several others, they turned your back on you, you became a free agent, moved back to your hometown, got married, moved in with your husband full time after only seeing each other, what? Ten to fifteen times a year? And for maybe, max, what two weeks at a time? Started on a whole new team, changed your entire routine, are no longer a captain after nine years, lost your position as starting first line, then got it back this year, watched your husband get injured on the ice, and you think that you are not going through a massive transition? And shouldn’t be having big emotions about this? That maybe everything should be sunshine and rainbows immediately? Shane, if anyone came to me and said all of this happened to them and they had no complex feelings about it, I would be concerned about them. I would probably be worried enough; I would have them institutionalized for evaluation. Just because some of these changes have been positive does not negate all the negative or that it is still an absolutely massive change.’
His psychiatrist's words from his appointment the day before were still running through his head over and over again. When she had laid out everything that happened in the last two years, it felt like getting unexpectedly checked into the boards. It felt like his breath had been knocked out of him and he needed a moment to catch his breath.
‘Shane, are you sure you feel fine about this? Just fine?’
Dr. Jensen had been adamant that Shane accept that he had been through a lot. She had made him write down a timeline of everything that had changed and occurred since January 2021 during their fourth appointment together. Writing it out had been easy; it was several major milestones in his and Ilya’s relationship, after all, but the verbal confirmation that this was considered a lot and overwhelming was what actually made him reevaluate. They spent most of his fifth appointment talking about him feeling bad because he was finding this year so difficult, and how that connected to him feeling worse because this was everything he wanted in life and shouldn’t he be happy? Dr. Jensen then pulled out the statement that Shane’s brain was repeating and had him work through several exercises to understand his feelings about certain events.
It was a lot of work, and it wore Shane out more than he expected. He had been trying to find a therapy schedule that worked well with his schedule. It was recommended that he do therapy on days when he has nothing else to do after, but that limited him to evening appointments or rare days when they finish almost everything in the morning. Dr. Jensen was willing to be flexible with their schedule, but also said that the recommendation didn’t need to apply to every single appointment if their schedules wouldn’t align. Shane thought she was great to work with, even when she was torturing him by making him talk about his feelings.
Even now, as her words repeated over and over again, he felt mentally bowled over. It was the All-Stars break, and they had found some time to go visit the Pikes. He was staring out the window as Ilya drove them to Montreal, stuck in his own mind. He felt Ilya squeeze his hand and lift it to his lips to kiss his hand before lowering it back to Shane’s lap.
“What are you thinking about, Hollander?” Ilya asked after turning down the music. He was glancing at Shane from the other side of the car.
“Nothing much, Rozanov,” Shane replied. He gave Ilya a smile before turning back to the window.
“You sure? You can tell me.” Ilya teased, squeezing his hand again. “I probably won’t tell anyone.”
“Probably?” Shane said, feigning exasperation. “We are married. You have to keep my secrets.”
“But your secrets are so boring,” Ilya whined. “I cannot keep them all to myself.”
“You asshole,” Shane laughed. “You will keep my secrets or else.”
“Or else what, Hollander? You cannot threaten me; I am your husband.”
“I…” Shane had to think. “I’ll think of something.”
“Hmmm, I think no. Maybe I will keep your secrets if you tell me what you were thinking about.” Ilya said lowly.
“Fine,” Shane said, giving in to his husband before he could start pouting. “Just thinking about something my psychiatrist said about our lives changing in big ways.”
“Ah, a fun topic to think about right before seeing the Pikes, of course.”
Ilya was being sarcastic, Shane thought. Unlike other people, he could always tell with Ilya. The other man would always smirk and do something with his eyebrows, just slightly, when being sarcastic with Shane. It made Shane feel like he was in on a little secret.
“Yes, very fun,” Shane replied. “Thanks for coming with me, by the way; I know Hayden isn’t your favorite person.”
“Ah, is not true. He is my favorite person after you, your parents, Svetlana, the rest of the Centaurs, Marly and most of the Bears, the Pike children, Jackie, Rose Landry, the dinosaur, his younger hotter boyfriend, and,” Ilya was probably going to go on forever.
“Okay, I get it,” Shane interrupted. “Still, thanks for coming. I did not want to make this trip by myself.”
“I know, Shane,” Ilya replied. “I am happy to be your fancy man driving you around; what is word? Chaffer?”
“Chauffeur.” Shane supplied.
“Da, chauffeur, I should have worn a suit and put on a little hat too. Could be your sexy russian chauffeur and bodyguard.” Ilya teased him again.
“Absolutely not. I would hate to sit in the backseat so far away from you.” Shane responded.
He didn’t think about what his psychiatrist had said for the rest of the drive. Content to let Ilya fill his head with imagery of him being his ‘sexy russian chauffeur and bodyguard’ while they navigated the rest of the two-hour-long drive between Ottawa and Montreal.
***
Their visit with the Pikes had been good so far. They only had one brief moment of tension when Hayden had answered the door and realized that Ilya had come with, asking Shane why he brought the ‘Russian menace’ as he started calling him. Ilya had brushed it off, but Shane had tucked it away for later. Shane had been very specific in telling Hayden that ‘they would be coming’ and that ‘we had meetings the next day and would be staying in Montreal for the night’ when discussing their visit.
Shane was with Hayden in the living room watching some West Coast game from the week before. Shane had already seen it, but Hayden wanted to ‘relive old times’ and had insisted on watching the game of Montreal’s upcoming opponents. Hayden had been asking him questions about his thoughts on Sacramento’s defense and lines, and then started his onslaught of questions about Ottawa.
“How’s Boodram’s ribs? Did they get bruised during that hit a few weeks ago?” Hayden asked.
“You know I can’t talk about that, Hayden. His ribs are perfectly fine though.” Shane responded with a sigh. J.J. had asked him similar questions right after the game, and had argued that he was just checking on a friend. But Shane knew that J.J. had spoken to Bood very rarely, choosing to ignore the man before the Centaurs became an actual challenge to Montreal. Hayden rarely spoke to players on other teams unless he had to, and definitely was not speaking to Bood regularly.
“Oh, come on. He has to have been hurt.” Hayden was whining. Shane thought it sounded remarkably like when his children were whining.
“He was not. And even if he was, I cannot and would not tell you about it.” Shane replied bluntly.
“Oh, come on, you’re telling me you never told Ilya about injuries on Montreal? Help a man out.” Hayden was begging.
“No, I did not. Cause I respected my team and would never provide information about their injuries or lack thereof to someone else. Especially if that person was on a rival team and might use it inappropriately.” Shane said, even more bluntly. Shane considered picking up his phone to text Ilya about leaving soon. They had only been there about two hours, and Shane had barely gotten to spend any time with the kids, as Hayden had pulled him away from the kids almost as soon as they had gotten settled in the playroom. It was only 5 pm, though, and they had said they would stay through dinner. So instead, he remained staring at the TV, paying no mind to the game.
“I don’t believe you. There is no way you kept all of our injuries a secret for 11 years,” Hayden argued. “I cannot keep anything from Jackie; it’s what good partners do. Keep no secrets from one another.”
“Hayd, do you ever think that maybe my relationship and yours are different? That perhaps me and Ilya were under different circumstances, and that may mean our relationship is different?” Shane could feel rather than hear his voice rising. “Or maybe have you considered that I am a professional and have never shared team secrets with anyone, including my partner? Have you ever considered that?”
“Dude, calm down, it was just a joke,” Hayden said. Throwing his hands in the air in surrender.
“Was it? Cause this is now at least the second time you have verbally accused me of cheating or allowing Ilya to win games. Do you even know who I am? Or how much hockey means to me?” Shane was now staring directly at Hayden. He saw as Hayden’s face twisted and then relaxed at the reminder that he had done this previously. “I am going to go see what the kids and Ilya are doing. Maybe you should see if Jackie needs help with dinner, since your relationship is so perfect.”
“Shane,” Hayden called after him. “Shane, wait.”
Shane did not wait or look back. He walked straight back and down the stairs, waving at Jackie as he went. He made it down to the playroom where the twins and Arthur were playing with Ilya. He took a minute to just breathe before stepping up to the doorway. Shane leaned on the door to the playroom, watching Ilya play video games with the twins. It looked like some weird version of Mario Kart, but they were fighting each other. Shane had never seen it before, but Ilya had a small smile on his face as he pretended to throw a fit at losing to one of the twins. He was happy to just watch and enjoy his husband playing with his godchildren.
“Uncle Shane!” Arthur said, looking up from his Legos. “Come see what I’m building!”
Shane pushed off the doorway and walked into the room as the twins and Ilya looked up from their game. Ilya winked at him before going back to playing with the twins. “What are you building, buddy?”
Arthur proceeded to ramble for the next 30 minutes about everything from what he was building to what he had been doing at school that day. Shane was happy to listen and provide opinions every once in a while. Arthur, however, was happy to just keep talking no matter what. And Shane was happy to let him. Taking the time to think about what happened with Hayden and how he should fix it. He thought he might be overeating, but at the same time, he was really tired of people accusing him of cheating.
***
The problems didn’t arrive until after dinner. Ilya was in the kitchen helping Hayden clean up while Shane and Jackie were getting the kids ready for bedtime. Shane was sure that Ilya and Hayden had gotten over most of their issues and could handle putting the rest of the dishes into the dishwasher without a problem. And the kids had been adamant that Uncle Shane and mommy had to do the bedtime routine tonight. Shane was happy to get an excuse to hang out with the kids more.
It was once they finally got Arthur to sleep, who was fighting sleep, the girls had been easy this time, exhausted from school and daycare and playing games all afternoon, that they heard it. Jackie and Shane were in the upstairs hallway when they heard a dish break and then low shouts. Shane sighed before heading down the stairs and rounding into the kitchen. He could hear Jackie do the same before following him.
When Shane rounded the corner, he saw Hayden grab Ilya by the shirt and punch him in the face. Ilya was just standing there; he put his hands on Hayden’s arms to try to push them off, but made no move to hit Hayden back. Hayden hit him again, which pushed Shane out of his shock. He and Jackie whisper-shouted at the same time, “What the hell is going on?”
Hayden made no move to let go of Ilya and tried to hit him again, but Ilya was able to duck out of the way just in time. “He’s a fucking asshole; that’s what’s going on. He’s a dick and shouldn’t even be in my house.”
Shane walked up to try and separate the two when Hayden tried to punch Ilya again. This time, though, he landed a solid hit. Shane grabbed Hayden’s arm to pull him off his husband. Hayden, seemingly forgetting he was in his own kitchen and that Shane wasn’t trying to attack him, proceeded to also hit Shane in the face, narrowly missing his nose. Shane was stunned; Hayden had never hit before, even accidentally during a scrum.
“What the fuck, Hayden? You just hit me!” He shouted.
“Hayden! Let them go! What are you doing?” Jackie, even being married to a hockey player who got into fights at least once a month during the season, sounded rattled to Shane. She was also yelling now, despite the kids asleep upstairs.
“You can hit me, but not my husband.” Ilya was now gearing up to fight Hayden back.
Shane managed to get in between the two right before Ilya could hit Hayden and separate them. “No. Not here. There are children upstairs, and this is not a game. Come on, Ilya, we are leaving.”
Ilya stepped out behind Shane and went the long way around him and Hayden. He stopped at Jackie to check on her and say their goodbyes.
“Bye, Jackie, thank you for letting us come over and for dinner. I am sorry about all this. Are you okay?” Ilya asked her.
She nodded her head. “Yes, yes, I am fine. Do you want an ice pack or anything for the road?”
“Don’t offer him anything! He doesn’t deserve it,” Hayden said before Ilya could respond.
“I am fine. Is short drive to our place. I think it best we go.” Ilya said.
“Yeah, me too. We are going now.” Shane said, shaking his head at his supposed best friend. “Bye, Jackie, I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Shane, wait, I can explain,” Hayden said, as if realizing his situation.
“Save it. You just attacked my husband after we drove all the way here a day early just to see you. We are leaving.” Shane responded, already guiding Ilya to the door and putting their shoes on.
They were out of the house and in the car before either one of them said anything.
“Are you okay?” They both asked at the same time.
They stared at one another for a moment before softly laughing at their jinx moment.
“No jinx,” Ilya said, making Shane laugh slightly. He had learned the phrase from a rookie years ago; he had explained the first time he had used it in front of Shane. “I am okay, you?”
“I am okay; face kinda hurts,” Shane replied.
“Yeah, looks like you’ll have a black eye,” Ilya said quietly, grabbing Shane’s chin to inspect his face more closely. “Think we might have matching ones.”
“Haha, very funny; we are going to have to be careful getting photographed. Mom is going to be pissed.” Shane replied. He also grabbed Ilya’s chin to lean his face closer to the light to see the damage. He couldn’t see any blood or split skin, so no hospital trip was needed. “What happened in there?”
Ilya took a deep breath and turned towards the steering wheel, “I don’t really know. One second he had dropped a plate, and I said, ‘Be careful, plates are slippery when wet,’ and he called me an asshole, then grabbed my shirt. We were talking about Amber not eating ketchup before that.”
Ilya looked genuinely confused at the turn of events. Shane knew that chirp wasn’t worth getting into a fight over, but trusted Ilya’s side of events. “I’m sorry, he shouldn’t have attacked you. I cannot understand why he thought that was okay.”
Shane, much like his husband, was also confused. This was now the second time Hayden had hit Ilya off the ice since being introduced to him as Shane’s partner. Shane could not understand what Hayden’s problem with Ilya was. Ilya had even toned down the chirping he normally did towards people he liked, because it seemed to actually upset Hayden. But Hayden had still not come around to Ilya, even after they had been married for more than a year and a half.
“It’s okay, moy malen'kiy boyets, not your fault.” Ilya reassured him, leaning across the center console, “gimme kiss.”
“Little fighter? I didn’t even hit him.” Shane said before giving Ilya what he asked for. It was gentle and quick.
“Are you sure you are okay to drive? I can drive us.” Shane asked as he pulled away.
“Yes to both. It is not the first time I have been hit and then had to drive home. We aren’t going too far.” Ilya replied, leaning back to fasten his seatbelt and start the car.
“I guess that’s true. I don’t think this was your fault either. Hayden shouldn’t have attacked you like that.” Shane said. He was really disappointed in his friend’s behavior today; after accusing Shane of cheating and then attacking Ilya, he wasn’t sure he would call Hayden his favorite person. “I really don’t understand what set him off.”
“Let’s go back to your apartment here, and we can try to work it out tomorrow, after everyone has slept. Maybe Hayden had a good reason that I don’t know about,” Ilya said. He grabbed Shane’s hand as they navigated the street’s back to his Montreal apartment.
“Absolutely not, there was no good reason to hit you when we aren’t even playing. He could have just asked us to leave.” Shane sighed. “I think I am too mad to even speak to him. Let alone hear him out.”
“That’s okay, moy lyubimyy, I still love you,” Ilya said, before kissing Shane’s hand where he was holding it.
“I love you, too,” Shane replied before turning to stare out the window at the dark sky.