Attackoftheevilpixies



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    “Ilya, what are we gonna do?” Shane says.

    Ilya finishes whatever he has been doing on his phone, and tosses it gently to the bed beside him. He crosses the room to Shane, stands in front of him, squeezes into his shoulders with his big hands, rubbing them like he means to warm them up.

    “Looks like we will have a little vacation,” he says, with a big obnoxious grin.

     


     

    Boston and Montreal are sent to Paris to play against each other in an exhibition series in January 2017. Ilya and Shane decide to stay in Paris for one more night. Just one more night, so they can talk. Maybe finally understand each other.

    They aren't expecting a volcano to erupt in Iceland and close all the airspace in Europe, leaving them stranded there. Together.

    Language:
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    Chapters:
    14/14
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    13 Jul 2026

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    Shane steps closer, standing between Ilya’s legs. “I guess that explains it, hm? You don’t have to be confident or good when you’re packing that, do you? You just let people use your big,” Shane accentuates the word by leaning down and touching Ilya’s cock for the first time, only it’s not a caress or a stroke, it’s a rude poke that makes Ilya’s cock jerk in the air, “cock, however they want to? Is that it? Just a thick, fat cock for people to ride when you get too fucking stupid to do anything else?”

    ---

    Uni AU, loser, stoner frat bro Ilya, pining after popular, jock Shane

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    Words:
    16,549
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    1/1
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    10 Jul 2026

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    Rather than give him the joint, Ilya takes it back between his own lips and sucks in a deep breath, the tip glowing as he does so. Then, before Shane can process it, he’s reaching up and sliding one large hand around the back of Shane’s neck, pulling him down so their lips meet.

    Shane gasps softly, and Ilya takes the opportunity to blow smoke into his open and waiting mouth.

    Oh, God. Are you there? It’s me, Shane Hollander. We’ve had our differences, but I think I’d like to convert for real this time. I’m ready. Open the pearly white gates. I’m coming up.

    Shane goes to a house party, gets high, then gets on his knees. bon appetite
    now a multi-chapter saga bc i couldn't help myself

    Language:
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    93,547
    Chapters:
    5/5
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    10 Jul 2026

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    Post-cottage, Shane and Ilya quickly discover that hiding sucks, so they launch their friendship via a series of chaotic Instagram Lives. It predictably spirals out of control.

    Ch 1: Friends!
    Ch 2: …Uh, friends?
    Ch 3: Definitely not friends.

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    3/3
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    08 Jul 2026

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    No serious hockey fan or sports commentator worth their salt would have considered record-breaking Boston superstar Ilya Rozanov to be Shane Hollander’s rival exactly, but sleeping with a man who had a specific offense-related vendetta against him and a wrist shot like a jet engine to back it up was probably ill-advised just the same.

    Or, Shane is a goalie. Ilya can’t score.

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    18/18
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    06 Jul 2026