Chapter Text
IlyaRozanov81 is now live!
[Ilya stares straight into the camera, gives a mischievous smile, and winks. His curls are damp from a shower and his voice is lowered to a whisper.]
Ilya: Hello everyone, would you like to join me in ambushing my good friend Shane Hollander? He is making us a post-game snack right now. Here we go.
[The camera rotates, showing a dimly lit apartment. The images bobs as Ilya walks past a large brown couch and approaches the kitchen island. Shane Hollander stands at the counter, plating up some chicken and rice.]
Shane: You wanna grab drinks? This is pretty much… why are you pointing your phone at me?
Ilya: No reason, don’t worry about it.
Shane: Are you videoing me? I’m just making food, why is this interesting?
Ilya: Oh, I think people are very interested.
[Shane’s eyes narrow, then go wide in horror.]
Shane: …is this live? Are you live streaming right now?
Ilya: Maybe?
Shane: Ilya, what the fuck?
[Shane lunges for the phone. The image shakes as Ilya quickly takes several steps back, then whirls around and sprints into the living room. He’s tackled onto the couch, and the whole room seems to spin. The camera rotates several times between the ceiling and the chaos of wrestling bodies. Voices are still audible from off-camera. Shane sounds dead serious. Ilya is laughing.]
Shane: Give me the fucking—
Ilya: But the people want to see—
[The image stabilizes. Shane is laying on top of Ilya on the couch, his forearm propped on Ilya’s chest near his throat while his other arm reaches up toward the camera. Ilya looks delighted.]
Ilya: Save me, internet!
[The livestream abruptly cuts off.]
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hollanova: he calls him ILYA
bostonbb14: why are they having dinner together after a game wtf
luludelulu: are they…friends????
whatandwhy: can i be on that couch too?
ScottHunterOfficial: Is this the first sign of the apocalypse?
↪ IlyaRozanov81: you lived through the death of the dinosaurs, you’ll probably survive this somehow too. the cockroach of hockey.
↪ ScottHunterOfficial: You are exhausting. Hollander, blink twice if you need help.
↪ ShaneHollanderMetros: It's okay, I know how to handle him.
IlyaRozanov81 is now live!
[Ilya props the phone up against something on a table, revealing he and Shane sitting side by side in a booth at a bar. They each have a sweating beer glass in front of them, Ilya’s nearly empty and Shane’s about halfway full. They’re sitting close enough that their shoulders occasionally brush.]
Ilya: Hello! I am here to declare victory! I have successfully convinced Shane Hollander to have a single beer during the season. You may now clap for me.
[Shane rolls his eyes. Ilya’s grin is huge and bright as he gets closer to the camera, his eyes darting around the bottom of the screen. After a moment, he leans back and bumps his shoulder against Shane’s, jostling Shane as he picks up his beer.]
Ilya: Chat is saying that I have corrupted you! Please, I corrupted you a long time ago.
Shane: You did not corrupt me.
Ilya: I’m pretty sure I did.
[Shane and Ilya turn to look at each other.]
Shane: Ilya.
Ilya: Shane.
[Ilya looks directly into the camera.]
Ilya: I am right about this, but he will not let me tell you why.
[Shane huffs.]
Shane: Obviously.
Ilya: But I will tell you that we were eighteen–
Shane: Nineteen.
Ilya: I am counting the night of the draft.
Shane: Nothing happened the night of the draft!
Ilya: Ah, but your thoughts were impure, were they not? Corrupted, one could say. And then the next summer…
[Shane’s stares him dead in the eye, then reaches out and ends the livestream.]
-
virgovibes: Anyone else DYING to know what happened when they were 18 and 19???
its_21_pucks: I’m betting Ilya got him drunk underage
hollanova: 👀👀👀
thefingmetros: Have they secretly been friends since they were 18? This whole time???
thereshewent: WHAT A LORE DROP
IlyaRozanov81 is now live!
[Ilya Rozanov sits with a seatbelt across his chest, his back turned a bit so Shane is also visible in the driver’s seat. Out the window, verdant countryside zips by.]
Ilya: Hello everyone, we are… somewhere in Vermont? Supposedly Hollander has found some hiking trail we have to try, so I have been forced into his terrible car—
Shane: It’s a normal car. Just because I don’t spend all my money on fucking Ferraris—
Ilya: Hey, I am going to be selling that one to fund our charity and I miss her already, it’s too soon.
Shane: Oh, so sorry for your loss. Thoughts and prayers during this difficult time. Also, we haven’t announced the Foundation yet, asshole, so shut up. If you’re gonna be my passenger princess you could at least get me a protein bar from the bag in the back seat.
[Ilya leans into the back seat and rummages around for a moment, then returns with two protein bars, which he holds up for the camera. One is in sleek modern packaging in white and silver, and the other is more colorful. He flips to the other camera and holds each one up in turn, with Shane in the background, shooting him an annoyed look every few seconds.]
Ilya: Ah yes, we’ve packed two kinds because this is the nasty one Shane eats because it’s “healthier” or something, and this is my favorite.
Shane: Yeah your favorite is full of sugar, shocker.
Ilya: It is full of joy and sunshine. Yours is full of sadness.
[Shane signals and changes lanes, carefully checking his mirrors.]
Ilya: Look at him, he is such good driver, using his turn signals and everything.
Shane: Everyone should use their turn signals all the time. Everyone.
[Shane shoots Ilya a significant glare.]
Ilya: Turn signals are a suggestion.
Shane: They’re literally the law. Also it’s fucking annoying when people don’t use them.
Ilya: Shane Hollander, are you calling me fucking annoying?
Shane: Literally every day of my life, yes.
Ilya: I don’t think he loves me, chat.
Shane: Oh, don’t you dare pull that shit.
Ilya: It is so sad to be so unloved. See, Shane, chat is demanding justice!
Shane: Can I have my protein bar yet?
[The bar disappears from view as Ilya brings it to his mouth and presumably rips open the package with his teeth. He holds out the open bar for Shane, then pulls it back when Shane reaches for it.]
Ilya: Ah-ah, what do you say?
Shane: Please.
Ilya: And?
Shane: …I’m sorry?
Ilya: And?
[Shane heaves a put-upon sigh, and levels a flat look at Ilya.]
Shane: …I love you.
Ilya: There it is, chat, we did it! Victory is ours! Okay, more later, bye bye!
[Ilya hands over the protein bar and the livestream ends.]
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dontmindme: Foundation?? They are starting a charity together?
pucksinnetsplz: Why Vermont?
↪ hollanova: Look, I’m not starting any rumors, but it IS kinda the halfway point between Boston and Montreal…
bluelineboy: both teams have a three day break at home right now… are they spending their break together?
ohyesshedares: “I LOVE YOU”
IlyaRozanov81 is now live!
[The camera bounces as a sweaty Ilya trudges along a wooded trail, wrapped in a puffy coat and wearing a beleaguered expression.]
Ilya: We have a rare day off and this is how you want to spend it? I do not understand this impulse. What is the point?
Shane: Quit whining, city boy. Don’t break an ankle because you’re livestreaming instead of watching where you’re going.
Ilya: The people want to see the view!
[The camera flips, showing a perfect view of Shane’s ass. The fabric of his pants pulls tight as he scrambles up an incline.]
Ilya: (whispering) You’re welcome, chat.
[Shane reaches back to offer Ilya a hand, helping him up the steep bit as the image bobs. Their hands stay linked a second longer than is truly necessary. Shane has a small smile on his lips.]
Ilya: Surely we are getting close to the top. I’m starting to think you have brought me deep into the woods to bury my body.
Shane: Mm, maybe I’m secretly luring you up to this beautiful scenic overlook so I can push you off and finally be free of your bullshit.
Ilya: No, you would miss me too much.
Shane: Or I would finally have peace.
Ilya: Mm, I do not think this is what you want. I think you like it.
[Shane pauses, turning to look at Ilya for a long moment, chewing on the inside of his lip.]
Shane: Race you to the top!
[Shane takes off running up the trail.]
Ilya: Hey! You see this cheater! Hollander!
[The image bounces wildly as Ilya takes off after him. The livestream ends.]
-
shanesazz: ilya rozanov the service you have done
hollanova: oh we are feasting
thereshewent: okay but a beautiful scenic overlook is so romantic
↪ puckboy34: cant two bros go hiking without you people making it weird
berry_berry: not rozanov admiring that view
ShaneHollanderMetros: Ilya take this down.
↪ IlyaRozanov81: No ♥
IlyaRozanov81 is now live!
[A seatbelt crosses Shane’s chest as he angles his body so Ilya can be seen in the driver’s seat behind him. The car is flying down a tree-lined highway.]
Shane: Hi everyone. Ilya wants you all to see him driving his Ferrari because thinks it needs a “proper goodbye” or something before he sells it. So. Here he is. Driving his Ferrari way too fast. If I die in this car, tell my mom it was all his fault.
[The camera swings around, aiming out the back windshield of the car. There are flashing blue lights behind them.]
Shane: Are we seriously getting pulled over right now?
Ilya: We seriously are.
Shane: Chat, I really want to say it. I think I’m gonna say it.
Ilya: Yes, yes, I know, you told me so. Shut up and look pretty while I talk my way out of this.
[The camera flips around so we just see Shane shaking his head in exasperation. The livestream ends.]
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pucksinnetsplz: One last speeding ticket. Pour one out for the Ferrari.
hollanova: shut up and look pretty
hollaathollander: shane is all milhouse.gif i’m in danger
bluelineboy: it just me or are these guys spending… a LOT of time together?
↪ katkatkatkat: you’re not wrong, a few months ago we didn’t even know they were friends and now it’s like they spend every possible minute together, considering they live 5 hours apart
↪ bluelineboy: yeah but they sorta said in a different live that they’ve been friends since they were like 18. maybe they just hid it so people wouldn’t freak out?
↪ katkatkatkat: which, valid, because have you seen some of the pearl clutching articles coming out of the hockey news sites?
↪ bluelineboy: yea you’d think they were single handedly dismantling the mlh the way they talking
IlyaRozanov81 is now live!
[Ilya and Shane are walking shoulder to shoulder, their hair still wet from the showers, the Bell Centre visible in the background. It’s dark outside, but the parking lot lights keep it bright enough to see the boys’ faces. Ilya is grinning. Shane is giving him a wary side-eye.]
Ilya: Hello everyone, guess where we are going tonight!
Shane: Ugh, this is you convincing me to go out, isn’t it?
Ilya: You don’t want the internet to think you’re boring, do you?
Shane: Relying on the peer pressure of the internet is a cheap trick.
Ilya: But it’s working, isn’t it?
[Shane looks over at him and licks his lips.]
Shane: Since when have you needed help convincing me of anything?
[Ilya grins even wider. Shane sighs and hands over his phone.]
Shane: Fine, just put in the address.
[Ilya types in Shane’s passcode without asking for it and scans the screen for a moment.]
Ilya: Your mom texted the group chat. She said great game, she loves us, and I am still her favorite child.
Shane: Let me guess, my dad said “proud of you, sons.”
Ilya: Word for word.
[Shane unlocks his Land Rover and the boys stash their bags in the back, then get in the front seat and buckle in. Ilya angles himself so Shane is in the shot, giving a little nose wrinkle as he stares down at Shane’s phone in his other hand. Shane moves in closer, leaning around to try to get a better look at Ilya.]
Shane: What? What’s that face? (A pause.) Let me guess, Rose texted, too.
[Ilya’s nose twitches before he forces his expression into careful neutrality. When he speaks, his voice is flat.]
Ilya: No. Why would you say that?
Shane: Your face.
[Ilya sighs.]
Ilya: She said “great game bestie, that goal in the second was nasty. Tell your boy—” Ugh, how dare she.
Shane: What? Tell you what?
Ilya: No, I am not reading this. This is slander.
Shane: Was it about your fight with Comeau? Because—
Ilya: SLANDER.
[Shane bites back an amused grin and shoves at Ilya’s shoulder.]
Shane: Can you just put in the address so I know where you’re dragging me?
Ilya: I don’t know if I even want to go out with you anymore. I think you hate me.
Shane: Oh, don’t start this again.
Ilya: Maybe we should see if Rose Landry is available to—
Shane: That’s it, I’m taking us home.
Ilya: No, Shane, wait, let’s go out, pleeeease—
[Shane, with an amused smile, wraps his arm around Ilya and reaches for the phone. The livestream ends.]
-
weighted_blankett: Home??????????
cozywithrozy: SON. The hollanders call rozanov SON.
putmeinthesinbin: He knows his phone passcode?? And hollzy trusts him to read his texts??
its_21_pucks: Why does he have a face he makes about rose landry?
↪ russianmenace81: that is a jealous face if I have ever seen one. boy has serious beef
↪ its_21_pucks: 🙄
hollanova: YOUR BOY.
starriskies: They fold so quickly for each other, why do they even bother trying to argue
IlyaRozanov81 is now live!
[Ilya looks soft and sleep rumpled, with messy curls and a pillow crease still on his cheek. He gives a little crooked smile. The camera bounces a bit while he descends the stairs.]
Ilya: Good morning, everyone. I hear cooking happening, let’s see what Shane is making.
[The camera flips, showing Shane standing at the stove, staring down at a pan, spatula in hand. He’s wearing joggers and a black shirt that looks a little too big for him and his hair is messy. Shane looks up as Ilya approaches. His smile is soft and adoring… right up until he catches sight of the phone pointed at him. His expression flattens into vague amusement.]
Ilya: Shane, what is the trick to perfect scrambled eggs?
Shane: Fuck you, I’m going to eat all these eggs myself if you don’t turn that off.
Ilya: No, you won’t. Would throw off your macros and you would whine about it all day.
Shane: Ilya, no one cares about watching me make eggs.
[Ilya flips the camera around and stares straight into it with a disbelieving expression. He steps forward and pastes himself along Shane’s back, propping his chin on Shane’s shoulder and holding the phone out far enough that they can both be seen. Shane’s mouth tugs up at the corner, but he fights it.]
Ilya: See? Look at the flood of hearts you are getting. The people want to see you! Everyone say hi to Shane! (A pause.) Aw, see, look at them all, they love you!
[Ilya plants a big smacking kiss on Shane’s cheek and Shane breaks out into a big grin, giving a soft laugh. They look at each other for a long, quiet moment, then Shane reaches out to end the livestream.]
-
hollzyballzy: HE SPENT THE NIGHT????
↪ its_21_pucks: calm down my guy friends stay over all the time when we go out
hollanova: Okay um I swore I wasn’t going to do this but uh… I’m starting a ~rumor~
starriskies: Look maybe it’s just me, but… did it look like he was leaning in for a kiss right before the stream ended?
↪ hollanova: YOU ARE NOT WRONG HOLY SHIT
↪ its_21_pucks: they’re probably fucking w you guys chill out