Chapter Text
Peter heard sobs. Confused he got up and noticed the light behind Sirius's covers. It wasn't a lot but just enough to see two people inside, the larger one with a hand on the other's shoulder. Peter looked around, James was asleep and Remus's bed looked like the sheets had been thrown haphazardly. He assumed that Pads had a nightmare and Remus went to comfort him. he hated how often it happened for both of them. Sirius woke up from his nightmares almost always worried for Regulus, crying for his father to stop and his mother for help. He woke up screaming Regulus's name over and over again reaching out for help to anyone that could. Remus on the other hand, always woke up quieter , performing daily tasks with focus as if one small mistake and people around him would break their facade and be unreasonably angry. he never let anyone touch him when it got like that, except Sirius , who would gently hold him till Moony broke down in his arms.
" They hated me there" Sirius spoke" They hated me and I hated them" Peter wasn't trying to eavesdrop but he needed to know if his friend was okay. He assumed Sirius was referring to the Black manor. Personally, Peter had never been there, but the stories he'd heard made it sound like a haunted house. The pictures on the walls literally judged you, for Merlin's sake, he did not even need to hear the rest to tell that the place was not the best home. " Why does it hurt when I say I left the wretched place? When I left them? " Peter felt a wave of sympathy for his friend. He wished he could comfort Sirius but right now Sirius didn't need an audience, Peter would figure out something nice to do for him later. " I left Reggie, Remus. I left Reggie!" Remus was humming a soft melody, trying to calm Sirius. "Sometimes" Sirius spoke after a long pause, " I feel like a monster" Peter could not have been more surprised. Sirius was not a monster. He was the farthest thing from one, except maybe Remus who was a complete sweetheart. Sure, Peter had been jealous of how James and Sirius clicked instantly when they first met, but Sirius grew on him and they were fast friends
"… first family I had" Peter missed the first few words, partly because he was lost in thought and partly because Sirius spoke the words so softly as if they were thoughts in his own mind rather than words that he said. " And all of you are the second family, the best I can have. But I pushed the Blacks away, I made them hate me, I'll make you hate me too" Sirius said. Peter was vehemently shaking his head, momentarily forgetting no one could see him. The Blacks didn't hate him because he made them hate him, they just hated him because they're terrible people and even worse parents. " Oh! Darling" Remus said with affection, "You could never! I would never hate you, no matter how much I tried. " Peter never agreed more.
The next day, Sirius found a bag of Halloween candy on his beside table with a note that said "From the littlest of the pack to the one that needs a leash" . Peter saw Sirius smile fondly in the middle of the morning rush and knew that losing the candy was worth it.
Now, Peter almost always slept with a silencing spell, not wanting to let anyone hear if him cry. Remus never came to the dorm anymore and Sirius looked devastated, no that wouldn't suffice, he looked like he was on the verge of tears like he would burst and cry until salt water flooded the Great hall, like Remus was the only thing holding him together and he lost him and worst of all he looked resigned to it as if he knew this would come and it was meant to be this way.
Peter had woken up to James screaming to go get Pomfrey and Mcgonnagall. He turned to look, but James blocked the view and ushered him out of the room begging him to call the teachers. So he did confused and scared. Hours later he was tired and terrified. His friend was dead. Sirius was dead, never coming back. He had killed himself. He couldn't believe it. He never saw the body, the wreckage to him Sirius was just on a slightly long vacation. He couldn't believe that when he got Halloween candy, Sirius wouldn't be there to say that he'll take one and then devour half the bag, he couldn't believe that Sirius wouldn't be there at the study sessions in the library correcting his star charts, making a fool of himself in the Gryffindor tower, coming up with fun pranks, riling up Minnie, cheering on James in quidditch like an enthusiastic cheerleader, helping Moony after nightmares and baking cookies with Effie. He just couldn't believe it. It would be a long time before the three of them ever laughed again, and at that time they would have a spot empty for Sirius. It would be even longer for the Marauders to laugh together and at that time they would laugh with Sirius.