Chapter Text
When Deku gets home he’s so dehydrated he immediately downs 4 cups of water.
He showers, cleans himself of all the sweat and grime he managed to procure throughout the day, changes into soft, clean clothing, eats good food, and… groans between his fingers.
He had been hoping that this feeling would’ve gone away by now.
He’s currently lying in his bead, eyes puffy and red from overuse, staring blankly at the Present Mic poster above his head.
He’s done everything right! He’s compartmentalized, he’s taken care of himself physically, he took around 10 minutes in the shower just to stare at the tiled walls and think!
But Deku still has that feeling in his throat. The one that says, “You’re gonna cry and you either have to deal with it or die.” And it’s not like Deku would choose death over a bit of crying!
He gets it, he’s a crybaby, but… still. This seems a bit excessive for what totals around three hours.
He hardly even knew them. He only knows two of their names, he only knows what they looked like, and he never got to know why any of them did what they did. He never got to know their favorite movies or their favorite heroes or their favorite colors.
Why does that make him even sadder?
It’s like this— this evil clawing feeling in his stomach. This feeling that he wants to know more. He wants to know everything about who they were and why they ended up throwing a goodbye party. He wants to know how long they thought about it, and why they chose the flowers they wanted, and why their family didn’t help them, and why Shizumi said goodbye even though Blue was very clearly only living for him, and why Sugiyama had bruises all over her arms, and why the Woman with Black Hair was so skinny, but he can’t because he never knew them in the first place and now they’re dead.
And he’s probably the only person left who really misses them.
Deku wonders where Blue is, and if she’s thrown a party yet.
He really, really hopes not.
Maybe, if she hasn’t said goodbye yet, he can get to know her before she does. And maybe he’ll get to know Shimizu through her, too.
Deku kinda thinks that’s a bit selfish.
But the feeling in his throat starts to ease that the thought, and he starts to breathe a bit better, and his muscles relax.
Maybe being selfish wouldn’t be too bad.