Chapter Text
"Is something wrong?" Mikae's voice drifted from somewhere between the library shelves, soft but still worried.
Niko barely looked up from his homework over the tiny and low desk, startling. "What?"
But she frowned, like she already waited for that response.
"Yes, that's exactly what I'm talking about. You've been acting weird this days, and don't pretend otherwise..."
He blinked, only then did he realize she'd been starting at him for several seconds.
Maybe she was talking about his attitude. With classes taking up most of his schedule again, he hadn't paid much attention to his own behavior lately. And, apparently, someone else had in his place.
"Sorry", the boy managed to said, rubbing at his tired eyes under his bangs. "I'm fine. I just haven't been sleeping very well these past few weeks..."
Mikae continued studying him, doubtfully. "Hm... Are you sure?"
"Yeah. What else would it be?"
"I don't know, man", the girl crossed her arms, which wasn't exactly reassuring. "The only thing I really know is, that you look the same way I did when I liked that girl. Do you remember her?"
"The one with blue hair?" Niko sighed, and Mikae nodded. "Of course I remember..."
For several days, she stared a little bit too much dramatically out windows and complain about her feelings. A scene straight of a romcom show, or from a shoujo manga. It had been impossible to forget.
"And that's exactly how you look right now."
Abruptly, Niko froze.
He always knew that Mikae was too good at analyzing others. For example, him.
"It's because of that foreign guy, right?" As she spoke, she narrowed her eyes. "The one from last summer."
"What— No!"
The answer came out far too quickly, what made it worse; his face immediately grew warm, turning reddish. A fucking traitor.
Mikae blinked in concern. "I can hear you perfectly with that calm tone of yours. Don't scream, Niko-chan."
Niko groaned, a little vexed. "I can't have peace even with you..."
A year ago, they had met during their first year of high school and quickly become friends. Back then, Mikae had spent months hopelessly in love with a senior who barely knew about her existence. Eventually she confessed, but the girl rejected her.
And yet afterward, Mikae had admitted she felt relieved; at least she no longer had to carry those feelings around by herself.
Unfortunately, remembering that only brought another image to Niko's mind: Charles.
His bright blond hair. That sharp, tiny fang peeking from his mouth. His endless complaints. The type of smile that somehow appeared only the times Niko entered a room.
Nearly a year had passed since he'd returned to France. They didn't exchange phone numbers, no social media, nothing. Mostly because Niko had convinced himself it was better that way. Distance would solve everything, right?
Eventually, he would stop thinking about him. Eventually, the rising attraction would disappear. At least, that had been the plan; a plan he forced himself to believe in.
After a cemetery silence, Mikae blurted. "I know who you are. Don't lie to me."
But that only annoyed Niko more. "Well, fine! So what if it's because of him? I haven't seen him since he left, since he left me like his confession meant nothing for the two of us! Nothing's going to change that, and it's not like he's suddenly going to appear out of nowhere!"
His voice broke mid-speech. Yet, his friend just raised an eyebrow, looking delighted with his aggressive answer; that was deeply unfortunate. Maybe his words came out louder than intended.
Niko slumped back into his chair, trembling.
"God, I hope he does", Mikae shot back. "Because you're literally dying in front of me, and I'm not dragging your damn corpse to a funeral home."
Again, he twitched. Somehow, she looked far too entertained by all of that.
Maybe it was easier to her. Then again, that wasn't fair.
Back when she liked that senior, she spent months staring into space and acting like every love song in existence had been written specifically to ruin her life. Maybe she suffered just as much as he was doing now.
The realization did absolutely nothing to make him feel better.
Unfortunately— wait.
Why was he thinking about Charles again?
Niko dropped his forehead against the table. "I give up."
"Here we go again."
"I'm fucked up, aren't I... ?"
"Absolutely, but since you're my friend I wouldn't call it that way. You're just done." Mikae didn't hesitate, but then she cleared her throat calmly. "Anyway. Teieri-san asked me to reorganize the groups for this year. Where do you want me to put you?"
Niko lifted his head, and he really thought about it for a moment.
If Noelle had been seven last summer, then she wouldn't be attending the kindergarten anymore. Niko didn't know much about the French school system, but the little girl was definitely old enough for elementary school by now, so she wouldn't be there.
Noelle wouldn't come running through the courtyard anymore. She wouldn't ask impossible questions. She wouldn't expose her brother's feeling in front of half of the staff —actually, just Mikae—.
And most importantly: she would no longer be the excuse for Charles and him to see each other. It was simple logic, a perfectly ordinary conclusion.
But, why did it hurt so much?
"Anything is fine for me", Niko said at last, pushing himself to his feet. "I don't care anymore."
Before Mikae could answer, he headed for the door, drifting away. If he stayed any longer, she might notice how affected he was because of everything that was going on in his mind.
Winter.
As the volunteering period drew closer to its end, Niko slowly resigned himself to reality. Charles was gone; he was gone for over a year. How could he promised nothing but stupid illusions?
Worse: how was Niko supposed to tell anyone that, even with that, he still thought about him?
That some days a random memory would appear out of nowhere and ruin his concentration for the rest of the day? That he could still remember the exact expression Charles had worn during his confession?
It was ridiculous, even embarrassing. And yet, the thoughts remained.
Time kept moving forward regardless. All Niko could do was endure it. Or at least try to.
Maybe distracting himself would help, it usually did.
His parents noticed the change, too. His mother asked if something was bothering him, Niko didn't answer. His father attempted a more direct approach, a man-to-man conversation maybe; that go nowhere as well.
Then, one of those mornings, Mikae burst into the kindergarten looking completely out of breath, which was unusual on her. Her hair was disheveled, she was still wearing her school uniform from the previous day.
Clearly, she ran the entire way there.
"Hey—" She bent forward, a couple of pants came out from her mouth. "So—"
Either she was exaggerating, or she really was dying. There were two options.
Without thinking too much, Niko barely looked up from the manga in his hands.
"Yes. Good morning to you too."
"I'm serious!"
"M-hm."
"You need to come see it!"
"What is it, girl?"
"Just go and look..."
Niko sighed. "Are you messing with me?"
"No, damn!" She got closer, grabbing him and shaking him by his shoulders. "Get your ass up!"
"Mikae-"
"Now."
Something in her expression finally convinced him; in a way. Reluctantly, Niko stood and headed toward the door.
Honestly, she'd been acting strange for days. He still had no idea why.
Outside, winter already swallowed the last traces of autumn. Snow blanketed the courtyard, and several families chose to keep their children home because of the cold weather.
As Niko stopped by the shoe lockers, a freezing gust of wind slipped beneath his scarf and sent shiver dow his spine.
"Just three more hours..." He complained.
And when he stepped outside properly, after walking a section, he froze.
The keys slipped from his hand, clattering onto the ground.
For a second, he simply stared. Then blinked.
Once.
Twice.
No.
That wasn't possible.
"Charles?"
That name. It escaped before he could stop it.
The same blond hair.
The same golden-like eyes.
Familiar. Terrifyingly familiar.
The moment their gazes met, Niko's heart nearly stopped.
Charles pressed his lips together. Tense. Nervous. Almost as nervous as he looked the day he confessed.
"I hope you're not busy..."
After an eternity, Niko forced himself to move. To breathe, to think; anything that could help. Because standing there, staring, wouldn't do at all.
He shook his head once and bent down to retrieve the keys from the snow-covered grass. His fingers felt numb, or maybe that was just the shock, it was difficult to tell.
By the time he reached the gate, Charles was still standing exactly where he'd left him: watching, waiting.
"It's seven in the morning", the Japanese one said with a sigh as he pushed a hand through his hair, nervous. "How early did you leave for the flight?"
He tried to say something else afterward; anything to ease the tension, or to slow his violent heartbeats. Instead, the blond crossed the distance between them in two quick steps— and hugged him.
Just like that. Desperate. Confusing. Warm; very, very warm.
For a second, Niko forgot how to function. His entire body locked up.
"What are you—" But his words died immediately.
Charles was shaking.
"Please", his voice cracked. "I'm sorry..."
The black-haired one's breath caught. Their hair brushed together, and the other's face felt hot against his shoulder; even the tips of his ears were red.
"Sorry for what?" Niko asked quietly, with a tone softer than intended.
Charles pulled back, just enough to look at him; not enough to let go, never enough to let go.
"I promised I'd come back", his grip tightened. "And I didn't."
Niko stared, mistrustful. "I know. I unfortunately know."
"No, listen..."
"The what?"
"I graduated."
A nervous laugh escaped him. So typical of him.
After, he took a breath.
"My grades are decent now, and Noelle's doing really great! My parents wouldn't let me bring her this time because—" He suddenly stopped. His hands trembled where they rested against the other's back.
For the first time, Niko noticed that Charles looked terrified. Absolutely terrified.
As if crossing half the world had somehow been easier than talking to him again.
"Because?"
The foreigner swallowed, then finally met his eyes. Directly, fearless.
"Because I told them I wasn't coming back because of the vacation, nor because of the punishment", then he smiled; small, calculating, and too sincere. "I came back for you. Because of you."
The winter wind swept through the courtyard, neither if them moved.
The black-haired one's heart pounded painfully against his ribs.
"Only you, Ikki."
Oh.
That familiar, uncommon accent.
How beautiful...
Once again, Niko found himself at a complete loss of words. Maybe it was the French one's sudden reappearance. Maybe it was that tiny, self-satisfied smile. Or maybe it was the familiar scent of his lotion, now lingering on his scarf after that ridiculous hug.
Whatever the reason, his brain seemed determined to stop working after preserving that memory.
"So you didn't waste your time after all..." The Japanese one muttered, looking away shyly.
Charles just brightened, delighted. "Nope. I missed you a lot."
The grin on his face was unbearable.
God. Niko felt his ears warming.
"Especially those faces you make."
"You—" He whipped the blond's head back toward him, as his voice cracked shamefully. "You're making fun of me! You nasty, little demon!"
"I have to", he shoved his hands deeper into the other's coat pockets. "If I want to survive this weather. Right here."
For a moment, the black-haired one remembered they were still standing outside, in the snow, at seven in the morning.
Oh, right. That.
"What am I going to do with you... ?" He mumbled, reaching the French one's hand before he could think better of it. He was frizzing, so he tugged gently. "Come on. You're not dying on my shift."
Charles followed him, of course he did.
Inside, the hallways were unusually quiet. With so few children attending during the season, the kindergarten felt strangely empty. Only the sound of their footsteps echoed through the corridors. And unfortunately, both of them were far too aware of their own heartbeats because of that silence.
"So— anything new happen while I was away?" Charles spoke after a while, finally matching Niko's pace.
He glanced at the other. "Not really. But, maybe some out of topic, you usually already knew whenever something happened in my life."
"That's because I pay attention! I'm talent, you see", the foreigner laughed, then he stopped walking. "And because you never tell me anything directly."
"I do— Well, not really..."
"The excuses won't work this time", he continued, grabbing his shoulders. "This time you're actually going to talk to me!"
Silence.
"Talk about what?"
"Anything!"
"But I don't—"
"Hey, you two."
Both of them jumped. A familiar voice echoed from a nearby doorway.
Mikae peeked out from inside one of the rooms; the look on her face was deeply suspicious, and entirely too amused.
"Keep it down", she said. "You're not alone here."
Then she stepped fully into the hallway, with something cradling in her arms: a baby.
Right! The kindergarten also accepted infants. Niko had completely forgotten.
"Anyway", Mikae cleared her throat. "Since Charles really came back, like you kept hoping he would, could you watch this little one for a minute, Niko-san?"
The other boy nearly choked. "Mikae—"
But the blond was faster. His eyes lit up immediately.
"Leave it to us!" His smile returned. "Like co-parenting, right?"
"Exactly", Mikae nodded once, and disappeared back into the room before anyone could stop her.
But Niko turned back, gasping. "Excuse me?"
Charles remained silent for a moment, stroking his own chin. He stared thoughtfully at the door where Mikae and the baby were, then at Niko, then back at the door.
The Japanese one already hated whatever it was the other was going to say. Some dumb shit.
"I think you'd be the mom."
"What— If that's an insult, it's the weirdest one I've ever received..."
"The strict one", the French pointed. "The one who's always scolding everyone, too!"
For several seconds, Niko simply stared at him, probably too confused to be offended.
"Just shut up", and he turned around immediately, walking quickly into the room, mostly because of Charles' laughter following him down the hallway.
Once inside, Mikae gave them a few quick instructions before leaving again —apparently, she still had paperwork to finish before her volunteering officially ended. She disappeared almost immediately afterward, far too happy for someone abandoning her responsibilities —from Niko's point of view—.
The baby fell asleep within minutes, and the black-haired boy held him carefully, supporting his head on his chest with practiced ease. The child's expression remained perfectly peaceful, which was more than he could say for himself.
While he watched the sleeping infant, Charles drifted closer and rested his chin on the other's shoulder.
"He's so tiny", the French whispered.
He hummed. "A little. He appears to be no more than six months old."
"Isn't it dangerous for him to be here when it's this cold outside, then?"
"Hm, maybe", he shrugged. "But some parents don't have much choice."
And the blond nodded. For a moment, neither of them spoke.
It was comfortably, too good to be real. Just the two of them, and the baby of course; he wasn't a rock in the pat anyway, he was just there, keeping them company in silent. Almost like a family...
"Pass me the formula, please", Niko suddenly asked, and the room fell in froze.
Oh. That was perfect, absolutely.
He wasn't upset anymore, or at least he didn't seem upset, which meant—
"Chill, Plankton."
The other turned so quickly he nearly laughed. His expression looked genuinely offended, even with just the half of his face out.
"I'm literally just trying to feed a kid? Oh my God..." His tone became harassing.
Charles raised his arms in surrender. "Okay! Okay! I get it!"
"Thank you. And shut up, he'll cry if you yell too loud."
"But, don't look at me like that. You'll get ugly..."
"I swear I'll kill you with my bare hands, even while holding him, if you don't move."
"Fine! Fine!"
Still muttering to himself, the French hurried toward the counter in search of the formula. Behind him, the black-haired one released a long sigh, lulling the baby when he threatened to wake up crying out loud.
"You really haven't changed at all, have you?" He murmured, but his words were soft enough that Charles couldn't hear them.
Niko smiled anyway, his cheeks blushing.
Small, foolish. Just meant for himself.
"How's Noelle?" Charles didn't look up from his notes as he spoke quietly.
Outside, night had already settled over the city; the rain stopped hours ago, but the damp air still lingered around the apartment. The day was coming to an end.
Several months earlier, after a truly embarrassing number of failed attempts at flirting, he had finally given up and asked Niko to be his boyfriend outright.
Ironically, the bouquet he'd brought for the occasion had triggered a mild allergic reaction. Niko just laughed at him first, then accepted.
But since he still hadn't finished processing his passport, Charles was usually the one flying to Japan during college breaks, which meant that whenever they managed to spend time together, they made the most of it.
"She's asleep", Niko replied, closing the door behind him, sighing before a pause. "It's late. Are you still studying?"
"If I don't, my philosophy professor is going to murder me..." The blond complained, shaking his head with weariness.
"Hm... I'm pretty sure Aristotle wouldn't thank you for losing sleep over him."
That finally made Charles look up. He blinked, then laughed.
The textbook was abandoned on the coffee table, totally useless the second he put his priorities first —like he always did, honestly.
"You're right", Charles turned toward the Japanese, gently wrapping an arm around his waist over his warm clothes. "I've been spending more time with the coursework than my boyfriend, even when I don't get to see you that often..."
As his expression softened, Niko leaned against his shoulder almost automatically, but with caring. His movements felt familiar, too comfortable.
"You're being suspiciously sincere..." He murmured.
Charles smiled, surrendered. "Aw, you don't believe me when I'm honest."
"Maybe because you're usually ridiculous."
"How rude..."
"Accurate."
As Niko chuckled, Charles actually laughed, like before.
The apartment fell quiet afterward. Not an awkward silence, the cozy kind; the sort that only appeared after years of knowing someone.
After a while, the French shifted slightly, carefully. His hands rose to cup the other's face, making him look quickly.
"Something's wrong?"
"Nothing", he suddenly seemed much less confident, like it was something new in his behavior. "It's just been a while..."
Niko slightly frowned. "A while since what? Kissing? Do you want a kiss?"
For a moment, Charles' gaze drifted downward, just briefly.
Those lips. Of course he missed them, specially since the Japanese didn't allow him long kisses. The two-minutes-long ones they usually gave each other felt like milliseconds for the blond.
But then he went back up again.
"Your eyes", the French said quietly, his smile almost shy. "I've missed those too."
Niko laughed softly and shook his head. "Don't play dumb. I know you move my bangs out of the way whenever we sleep together."
Charles looked innocent, an actually terrible sign, so he raised both hands. "Augh. You caught me."
Even so, there wasn't an ounce of guilt in his voice.
"But that's different. It's not the same when you're awake. You know that..."
His smile melted Niko's defenses. How could he say no to that expecting expression?
"Unfortunately, I do."
Gently, he took hold of the other's wrists and moved his hands at his sides in the air. Then, instead of creating distance or something else, he leaned closer; their foreheads touched, just lightly, close enough that Charles could see through his darks curls that usually hid them.
Jade-green eyes. Bright. Comfortable. Beautiful.
Charles knew Niko disliked drawing attention to them. Back in middle school, people had mocked the way his eyes seemed to shine whenever he got excited; he never talked about it much though, but Charles remembered, he always remembered.
Personally, he thought they were prettier than any gemstone in existence. Not even comparable, really.
"Like this?" Niko whispered, rubbing carefully their lips' tips, maybe playing along with the other's tolerance to the not directly kissing.
Charles felt his face warming, too dangerous, and hummed in other way of nodding. "If showing them is still difficult for you, then this is more than enough."
His expression softened. Everything around them did.
"Thank you, mon ange."
Niko's smile became gentler. "Je vous en prie."
The blond would never admit it out loud, but Niko's French was embarrassingly good; too good. Sometimes he thought he could listen to him speak forever.
Unfortunately, his body had other priorities —more natural and unconscious.
His eyelids felt heavier with every passing second; weeks of late-night studying were finally catching up him, and naturally Niko noticed.
"Sleepy?" Although the question was entirely unnecessary, the other hummed in acceptance. That made him stood from the couch. "We should join Noelle, then."
Charles reached for him automatically, hugging him from the waist, leaning to rest his face on the connection of his neck and his shoulder. "If you keep touching my hair like that, I'm definitely going to fall asleep..."
"That's the idea. Come one, big boy —I can't take you with this arms."
"You're as muscular as me..."
"Not when it comes to carry."
The trip to the bedroom felt impossibly short, but that was a relief. Noelle was already asleep against the wall, curled beneath the blankets, hugging a doggie plushie with fondness. Completely peaceful, completely unaware; the way children often were.
Niko helped Charles settle beneath the covers before pulling another blanket over them; by then, he was barely keeping his eyes open.
"Honey."
"Hm?"
His voice was barely loud than a whisper. Charles shifted closer and wrapped his arms around him again, like it was the most natural thing in the world.
Actually, yes; they slept like that every single time they were together, in the same bed.
"Can you sing me a lullaby?" His eyes finally shut, defeated. "The one you used to sign for Noelle..."
For a moment, Niko just blinked; then he chuckled, caressing the other's hair.
"Of course."