Chapter Text
"Thought you could sleep through the lesson, stupid Deku?"
Katsuki's voice was soaked in venom and hatred, sending shivers through Izuku's body. The blonde continued to stare daggers at the younger, watching him as he tried to physically hide behind his shoulders. Feeling substantially much smaller underneath the elder's gaze.
Izuku hated feeling helpless, he couldn't even talk back, let alone fight for his own corner. The elder boy never failed to make him feel weak and worthless. Ever since they were kids, he never stopped his cruelty towards him, foul language and violent behaviour, Izuku was always the punching bag.
The blonde bully leaned smugly against the front of Izuku's desk, lowering himself to become eye level with him in a childish manner. Icy glare staring into glazed, watery, emerald eyes.
Izuku clutched his lamb, which lay limp in his grasp, hugging it closely to his chest and pressing it snuggly against him, trying to feel as safe and secure as possible. The lamb was still in its unique All Might costume, and Izuku was currently fiddling with the ends of the fabric, trying to keep his hands occupied and busy.
His lip made its way between his teeth, gnawing and chewing in an attempt to further calm his nerves. Izuku always felt the need to keep his hands and mouth busy. He found that when he did it, it majorly helped calm him down. So whether it was chewing on his lips or sucking on his thumb, it soothed his mind and calmed his overall demeanour.
He tends to suck and chew on his thumb when falling asleep because it helps to relax his body and send him to sleep faster. He really wanted to do it at this current time, but he didn't want Katsuki and his lackeys to view him as a baby or a child, even more than they already did.
It was embarrassing. Needing to suckle on something to feel safe, it was babyish and childlike. Izu hated feeling like a baby.
A baby who needed help with everything,
A baby who couldn't voice his own needs,
A baby who needed childish things to feel happy and safe,
A baby. A toddler. A freak.
The green-haired boy was so caught up in his own thoughts, trying to calm his own nerves, He didn't realise that Katsuki wasn't looking at him anymore. Instead was looking at his other 2 friends having what looked to be a silent conversation that made the other two laugh smugly.
The ruby-eyed boy's smirk seeped deeper into his face as his eyes projected evil intentions.
He backed up and began to walk away, disappearing back to his seat while the other two boys retreated behind him, following like sheep.
Allowing Izuku to let out the heaviest sigh that he wasn't aware he was holding in.
Looking around, he realised he should be safe enough to lower his guard again, thankfully due to Katsuki now sitting at his own desk while talking to his friends.
He bowed his head and rested it on the edge of the desk, just enough that he was still able to see into his lap. Watching his lamb that was still held roughly to his chest, brushing the fluffy fur with his thumb, relishing in the feeling of the soft, fuzzy texture.
He hated school, not just being bullied every day by his other classmates, but also the atmosphere in general. School was far too loud, children shouting and talking loudly like they weren't aware of what an "indoor voice" was.
Izuku thought that sometimes life would be so much easier if everyone were like him, non-speaking. He believed that if everyone were to be quiet, they'd realise how much better life was in calming silence.
Everything was getting far too loud for his ears, they were hurting and making his head pulsate with pain. He wished everything would stop making him feel so weak and incapable of simple human feelings.
Picking his yellow-tatted bag up, he unzipped it and dug through all its contents to find and pull out his headphones. He always carries them around with him because they make everything a little more manageable for him. He doesn't know what he’d do if he forgot them at home.
Izuku had attachments to his belongings. He didn't like change, and it depends on what it is, but usually, he also doesn't like getting new things. Therefore, that is the reason he still uses the worn-out bag he has had since he was a young boy.
His family was in no way poor, they weren’t rich but in no way did they struggle. He was probably richer than the average family you’d meet, but his family wasn't loaded with money.
His mama had offered to buy him a new bag. She’d actually gone and bought him a new one before but he’d simply hung it on the back of his door and continued to use his favourite yellow one, discarding the newer one to collect dust for a living.
You could say his bag was some form of comfort to him, taking it everywhere even when he knew for sure he wasn't going to need it. It was another item that made him feel safe, knowing that he’d always have it there no matter the occasion. Plus it meant he was able to bring his stuff with him wherever he went with no worries about losing or forgetting anything.
Setting the headphones over his ears, they did help a lot actually.
They helped with blocking out the noise, blocking out all the other people, everything was much better when it was quiet. Although, when these senses were blocked out, it wasn’t always a positive thing.
Considering it took away his ability to hear his surroundings, he wasn’t aware of what was happening around him until it was already happening and he had no control over it.
He didn't realise that people were approaching behind him in a cruel attempt at a sneak attack.
Katsuki's two friends, his sidekicks, his own personal sheep, had been watching the vulnerable boy closely and were waiting for the right moment to make a move. So when they noticed that he had put his headphones back on and was resting on the desk, completely unaware of his surroundings, they shared a look that spelled out ‘trouble’ in the worst way.
Gasping out of pure shock, the green-haired boy's body had started to go into a state of fear and panic. He didn't know what to do as he felt his chair slide out from underneath him, he began flailing his arms and bringing them up to his head out of reflex.
The boy began preparing himself to make contact with the hard, classroom floor with a deep thud, but it never came.
Instead he felt the rough housed hands of the two other boys wrap securely under his arms, preventing him from moving or wriggling away.
However, that didn't stop him from trying, flapping his hands and kicking his legs in a feeble effort to get them to let him go. All the whilst the other two boys laughed boisterously, watching the mute boy squirm and wriggle like a fish on a line.
They pushed and pulled him around trying to hold him still while treating him like he was nothing more than a ragdoll they could play with, or a fragile doll made of porcelain that they could play around with until he inevitably cracked and smashed.
Izuku's vision blurred into one big mass of colour as his headphones were ripped off his head and thrown onto the floor, the culprit?
Katsuki Bakugou.
A sadistic look plastered his face, watching the younger boy as he squirmed uncontrollably with tears running down his freckled cheeks, gaze cast on the elder with a saddened expression.
No matter how much he flailed and flung himself around, he couldn’t escape their firm grips.
The main factor of this was because of how lightweight Izuku was, due to his unhealthy and dangerous eating habits. Therefore, it wasn't difficult to lift and drag him around if somebody wanted to.
However it only added to Izu’s insecurity of being incapable and babyish, as being held above the ground against his will, meant that he was unable to do anything to stop it and led him to sobbing like a baby. Everything got too much and too overwhelming.
Breathing rapidly, tears cascading down rosy freckled face, Izuku felt helpless.
“Ha! You look so stupid Deku!” The blonde boy spat nastily.
“Crying like a baby isn't going to help you, you're only embarrassing yourself.” He spoke while barely putting in effort to hide his amusement of this whole situation.
The student he aimed his words at had since given up his efforts to wriggle free, instead stood effortlessly in their hold, tears still leaking from his eyes like an overboiled pot of water, bubbling over the sides of the pan.
“Oh and who's this? I can't believe it! You still bring this stupid thing around with you? Pathetic, honestly.”
Filled with curiosity, He centred his sight on what Katsuki was talking about, and to his surprise, he was talking about his lamb.
During the shock and commotion of the other two boys grabbing and pushing him, he must have accidentally dropped it from the sheer panic he felt in the moment. But now, all he felt was shame and worry creeping up his spine.
That's HIS lamb, he must be scared now he's been noticed by the blonde, being picked up between thumb and pointer like he was full of disease and incurable illnesses.
Katsuki inspected the stuffed toy while still keeping a reasonable distance.
He noticed that Izuku had started to move again, this time trying to stretch himself out to grab his comfort toy back, he wanted it back. Katsuki doesn't deserve it.
It didn't take long before the Crimson eyed boy had found a new way to pick on his childhood friend. Raising his arm, with the lamb still pinched between his fingers, above his head so the smaller boy couldn't reach it. Snickering sadistically at the struggling boy, he shot his 2 friends a glare, in which they responded by loosening their grip on Izuku and spreading themselves around the classroom.
One backed into one side of the classroom while the other stood on the opposite side of the room, with Katsuki standing near the back centre still teasing the frustrated boy in front of him.
Shooting one of his lackeys a look before he positioned his arm slightly back behind his head, before launching the floppy lamb across the classroom like a game of piggy in the middle. This ‘game’ went on for minutes, being thrown around the room to each other while laughing at the still sobbing boy as he unsuccessfully tried to catch his lamb in between getting tossed around.
Until all of a sudden Izuku's life shattered before his eyes, when he notices a small part of the inner stuffing of the farm animal floating to the floor.
It was as if time had frozen suddenly.
His body had locked up while his eyes focused on the stuffing that now rested on the cold classroom floor.
Dropping to his knees while he crawled over to where the stuffing lay. Crawling along the dusty, dirt ridden floor, currently unbothered as the only thing he was currently thinking about was that his favourite form of comfort was now broken forever.
He let out small pathetic whimpers as his eyes became storms, filling with water that threatened to fall any minute. Suddenly something collided with his head, knocking the tears from his eyes and splashing on the floor, creating small puddles. Raising his sight in the direction of the object thrown at him, seeing his sad looking lamb laying helplessly next to his knees.
Snatching it from the floor to closely inspect it, but not before taking one last look at Katsuki's laughing figure, only to realise that he had gone back to sitting at his desk.
Focusing his attention back to his stuffed toy, his eyes widened after noticing a rather large rip in the crook of the neck, stuffing still generously spilling out.
Holding it in his arms carefully before rising to his feet and walking silently over to where his headphone had been discarded due to Katsuki ripping them off his head previously.
His bag slumped against the leg of his chair while he put his headphones inside and zipped it close. He then slid it onto his shoulder while running out of the classroom as fast as he could, holding his torn lamb to his chest.
He couldn't stay in the same room as him for any longer, he needed to leave.
He needed to get out, all their gazes were suffocating.
He couldn't breathe.
Why was it so difficult to breathe?
Before he knew it, his legs had faithfully carried him into the school toilets and into the larger disabled cubicle at the end, before lowering himself to the floor and proceeding to let the tears fall effortlessly out of his eyes. Draining out like a wet cloth that was begging twisted and squeezed.
Hugging his knees close to his chest and wrapping his arms over his little lambie.
After he’d managed to reduce his rapid breathing and gotten himself into a semi calm manner, he started to look over the damage involving his special fluffy lamb.
The damage done isn't as bad as he thought it would be, but his brain is too busy tricking him to believe it's unfixable, causing another wave of uncontrollable tears and soft whimpers to escape his eyes and mouth.
He was working himself into a state of panic and he began to quite frankly feel scared of himself.
Izuku found himself instinctively reaching for his bag and opening the front pouch, he’d hoped it was still in there otherwise he didn't think he’d be able to calm down properly for a long long time.
Eventually he found what he was looking for, a little hidden bag hidden in the bottom corner of the front pouch of his bag. Its contents contained nothing more than two, small, almost identical pencil sharpener blades. They were almost the same in looks except one had a tiny trace of a dull red substance stained along the edge.
Izuku found himself, without hesitation, pulling his sleeve up to reveal past scars laddering across his forearm. Some were old and scarred and others were allegedly only days old.
Some were small, while others looked like small chasms or cracks in the pavements, alarmingly showing that he should have seen medical attention for them, yet he didn’t.
The green-haired boy believed that he did not deserve to get medical help, due to the fact that he was doing it to himself, he wholeheartedly believed that he’d only waste the doctors and nurses time when they could be dealing with other people's more serious injuries.
Not his pathetic excuse of a self caused injury that he’d done, just to feel pain that he could control, just to calm him down when nothing else worked.
Using his thumb and pointer, he gently positioned the blade between his fingers and brought it up to his arm gently. The graze of cold metal against his skin sent a chill up his spine, before he closed his eyes and pushed down harder and pulled his hand across quickly, filled with a lack of precision.
Izuku’s shoulders visibly lowered as he threw his head back slightly, pushing it against the cool bathroom wall tiles. A euphoric smile etched onto his face as he began to calm down.
Again and again,
Over and over.
Time progressed onward, but Izuku wasn't aware or maybe he simply didn't care. Nobody would come looking for him, not even the teachers, nobody at the school liked him so what did it matter.
He remained hiding in the toilet cubicle.
Hiding from curious eyes and snarky laughter.
By himself he felt better.
A smile still beamed from his face but tears still fell down his cheeks.
He felt so much better, so why did he still not feel good about it?
Lowering his blurred, leaf-green eyes to his now blood covered arms, viewing his own personal art piece, a wave of guilt filled his body. Why did he have to ruin himself to feel better? Why was he made like this? Why was he born this way?
He hated it, He hated himself, He hated his school, He hated his life. That was when a sudden idea appeared in his mind.
What if he made everything stop for good.
What if he ended everything bad.
If he stopped living then so many issues would be solved!
His mama wouldn't have a mistake of a son like him,
His class wouldn't have to bear witness to him being bullied everyday,
Katsuki could go to class and actually learn and not be distracted by him all day everyday.
And Izuku?
He’d have no problems left to deal with if he was dead..
Maybe it was a good idea after all…
Wiping the tears off his cheeks and out of his eyes, he smiled gently and raised the blade to his wrist, just beneath his palm, where his veins were painted like bright, blue branches.
Just as he squeezed his eyes shut and prepared to forever remain a part of the school's history, The end of day bell rang throughout the halls, and echoed off the bathroom walls.
Rushing to clean up his mess, while aggressively pulling his sleeve down to cover up the evidence of his guilty pleasuring activity.
His eyes fell upon his torn lamb, snatching it from the floor and leaving the cubicle, coat now stuffed into his bag, with said bag hung over his shoulders as he fled from the school hastily.
The weather had brightened up slightly from the morning, it wasn't as cold but it wasn't extremely sunny either, Izuku padded along the street towards his house, still hugging the lamb to his chest, hoping his mama would give him a hug.
As honestly, that's all he wanted right now, he wanted to snuggle up in his mama’s comforting hold and stay there forever, curled up and covered in blankets, toasty and warm.
Pushing the handle of his front door open, carefully removing his shoes and leaving them neatly next to the door. Letting his bag slide off his back and thumping onto the floor, falling next to his shoes before he ran into the kitchen to find his mama doing the washing up stood by the sink.
He slammed himself full force into her legs and wrapped his arms around her middle, still clutching the soft item of comfort in his left hand.
“Hi honey, how was school today?” Inko spoke in that soft motherly tone that made you feel so safe and secure, like nothing could bring harm to you in any coming days.
Without realising, Tears waterfall from his eyes again, soaking his mothers shirt slightly.
“Izu baby? Are you okay?” Her tone was laced with a sickening amount of worry you crave from a mother, but Izuku only sniffled his little red nose, soft whimpers escaping his mouth.
Inko’s worry only grew as she was trying to look him up and down to check if anything visually was wrong, before her eyes froze on her son’s favourite stuffed lamb, specifically on its neck and the small amount of stuffing that was sticking out of a gash between the stitching.
“Oh darling it's okay, come on lets go into the living room and I'll fix him up for you, yeah?” Grabbing a towel and drying her hands off before opening a cupboard and grabbing a small sewing kit from the lower shelf, which contained thread, needles, scissors and more.
Izuku nodded his head, still leaning against his mama before unwillingly letting go and following behind her. Once they reached the living room, Inko sat herself onto one of the padded chairs and the younger boy sat next to her.
Resting his head on her shoulder as she wrapped one of her arms around him, tightening her grip to ensure his safety.
Inko began to repair the boy's broken toy, All whilst Izuku watched carefully keeping a close eye on her movements.
She wasn't sure how much time had passed by the time she’d finished her repair work, but when she lowered her eyes she noticed that the green-haired boy had fallen asleep against her while she sewed up the stuffing wound.
She smiled to herself before leaning her head down and gently pressed a loving kiss against his forehead.
“Goodnight my sweet boy, get some rest, you deserve it.” She whispered sweetly while placing the lamb, now good as new, into his lap as Izuku instinctively grabbed hold and snuggled his face into the lamb’s soft fur.