Chapter Text
Everything was numb still. It shouldn't be, right? Jon pulled Martin out of the lonely. He should be fine right? And yet... He still feels the same; that same feeling of emptiness that he learned to live with when it came to the lonely. He just feels... Gone. Like he was fading again. Maybe it would be nice to come back to the cool embrace of the lonely. It would be easier than learning to be normal again...
"Martin?"
Jon's voice managed to bring Martin back, and all at once Martin was aware of what was going on and where he was; his flat. How did they get here again? Why were they there? He wasn't quite proud of how long it took for him to realize there was a large suitcase in the middle of the floor.
It all rushed back suddenly, like how certain smells will trigger some lost childhood memory.
"Thought I lost you again there. Everything alrignt?" Jon had stopped helping Martin pack and instead was sitting directly in front of him, staring him in the eye in a way that was so unnerving yet also comforting?
"Y-yeah I'm alright. Just... Getting used to being back I guess." Martin hated how distant his voice sounded and began to berate himself; at least try not to act like you did in the lonely. You should be fine by now! Just stop acting like you're still alone and sad. Because you aren't! At least, you shouldn't be.
Jon nods softly, reaching over, placing his hand over Martin's and giving it a gentle squeeze before going back over the the minor mess on Martin's floor.
"Alright so I think we're good on clothes. I didn't want to over pack since we can always buy more or have Basira send us some but I haven't quite finished in case there's a particular shirt or jumper you want packed. Now I'm sure Daisy aould have a first aid kit in a safe house but just in case i packed one of those too. I also think we're good on medication. I've got the basics; Tylenol, Ibuprofen, about three bottles of melatonin, and I grabbed your allergy meds since I know how bad they get. I've got basic hygiene stuff and I also have your hormones and what not but just in case there was something else you needed?"
Is there anything he needed? It seemed like Jon did really cover all the basic needs. He didn't even think he needed anything else. He saw his favorite jumper in the suitcase and Jon is right, they shouldn't over pack on clothes.
"I... I think I'm good, actually. Thanks, Jon."
"In that case that's everything. I've got my luggage and everything else in the car already. Basira gave me the address to the safehouse and the sooner we leave, the better. I've already got the train tickets for this evening so we should probably head out soon."
Martin wasn't really paying attention, he was spaced out, feeling the cold but oddly welcoming sensation of the lonely scratching against his mind. He doesn't like being alone so why does he want the lonely to take him back? Wait no he doesn't! He has Jon for gods sake why would he want to be alone? And even so he can feel himself slipping back into the lonely...
"Martin, look at me. Don't let the fog take you over. Don't give into the lonely. I need you here with me, please." Jon's voice was desperate and soft, like Martin was all he'll ever need. And for a moment, the fog clears and he allows himself to be vulnerable.
"I'm sorry Jon... You deserve more than this." Oh god was he crying? Martin the sadness should be behind you now. You're out of the lonely stop acting like a child.
"It'll be okay, Martin. Once we're at the safehouse we can just... Exist. Without any stress of attacks or some ritual to stop. It'll just be us together."
God he sounds so sure of himself, so determined to make things betterment to the point it hurts. He needs to just fall in his arms and cry. And he does. He cries longer than he's willing to admit.
"S-sorry I'm such a mess right now... We probably should be leaving."
Jon nods and he grabs Martin's bag, loading into the back of the car and the two set off.
The car ride is intense to say the least. A lot of silent tears from both of them, the occasional fog creeping up Martin's leg when he let his thoughts wander for too long, and quite the number of apologies from both of them. Despite that, there wasn't much talking going on. Once they got to the safehouse they could really talk.
The train ride was definitely more peaceful. While still quite a bit of tears, they were both physically and mentally exhausted, so they ended up sleeping on each other a majority of the train ride. Well, more like Jon passed out against Martin's side and Martin attempted to fall asleep. Though, something about Jon's touch was able to ground him and keep him away from the lonely. He eventually did end up falling asleep though.
"Martin... We're here.." The quiet, groggy voice of Jon managed to wake Martin up as he suddenly became aware of his surroundings. The train stopped. They're in Scotland now.
Martin helped Jon get the luggage out of the overhead shelves that were a tad too tall for him, rubbing his eyes and realizing he had a sore spot in his neck. To be fair, sleeping in the position he slept in is less than ideal. Oh well.
"Alright, now we need a taxi.."
It's almost embarrassing how long it took for them to get a taxi but they did. They gave the driver the address and they were on their way. It hits Martin suddenly; they're really getting away from the institute. It's really happening. He's really excited but too tired to really react properly.
Well, there it is. The safehouse. Granted it isn't much, just a small house hidden in rural Scotland, but it feels much more like a home than his small flat ever did. Maybe that's because now he has Jon with him. Regardless, he's happy. But lord is he absolutely exhausted.
Jon hands the driver some money and they retrieve their stuff and walk in. It's pretty dusty, and empty. But that's A problem they can handle another day. For now, Martin just needs to sleep. The bed isn't anything worthwhile, its just a standard queen size bed with two pillows and a couple blankets but god does it look like heaven to sleep on.
"Uhm Jon...? Are you okay with... Cuddling and all that..?" He hates how pathetic he sounds. Martin act normal for once god dammit.
"I'm fine with cuddling but not..." He makes some vague gesture that could mean literally anything, but Martin knows what he means.
"O-oh yeah no that's totally fine. Just wanted to make sure you were alright with cuddling since..." God how does he say this without sounding pathetic?? "I feel like I sort of need it yknow?" No yeah that was extremely pathetic. Dammit, Martin.
Jon smiles, the look on his face unmistakably fond with a hint of emotional exhaustion behind them. Hopefully that wasn't Martin's fault. It probably was though.
Seeing Jon pat the space on the bed next to him, Martin doesn't miss a beat, crawling under the covers and wrapping himself around Jon. And for a moment, he doesn't feel so lonely.