Chapter Text
Shane
When Shane wakes up the next morning, he is confronted with a few different things, all that he is not equipped to handle at a time like this. First, his migraine, which had lessened in severity significantly. Enough for him to question how when he usually wasn’t able to find it within himself to take his medicine during day one. Secondly, there is an arm around his waist and it does not belong to him, not only that, but that arm belongs to Ilya Rozanov. The same Ilya who had been ghosting him for months and refused to acknowledge him on the ice last night. Third, he has no recollection of the majority of the game, or how he got home after, indicating that this was one of the worst ones he’s had. Fourth, he really really does not want to leave this bed ever.
While Shane really is feeling great, considering the blatant difference between the light throbbing behind his eye now and the brain rattling pulses he was experiencing last night, he actually wants to ignore his fundamental routine in favour of comfort. Because why would he get up when he literally has the man of his dreams cuddled up in his bed with him?
It is at this moment of decision to return to the solace of sleep, that his unanticipated sleepover buddy decides to stir. Lovely. And in spite of his sarcastic inner thoughts, the minute he rolls over and sees Ilya’s distraught sleepy face, he is immediately drawn in by the adorable boyishness of his features. God, he really is just so lovely. And Shane, so in love with this man that he can’t even think straight, just can’t help but beam right back at him.
Unfortunately, the joy of the moment slips away and Shane comes to the realization that he doesn’t know how Ilya got here or even why he is here, not that Shane is mad about it of course. Except for the fact that he is slightly irritated by the ghosting, both over text and in person, and somehow Ilya still managed to make it into his bed. Not that he wants him to leave, but a little less hot and cold would do much better for Shane. Besides, he’s not really mad at Ilya anyways, more at himself for letting Ilya come in and shift Shane’s whole heart at a moment's notice. Shane flicks on the lamp atop his nightstand, and soft yellow light floods the room.
“How are you?” Ilya’s face has shuttered closed again, too stoic for Shane to decipher his thoughts. His eyes shifting across Shane’s face being the only hint to what Ilya might be feeling at this moment.
“Fine,” that's casual enough, right? He pauses, searching for the words, not wanting to scare the other man off with just outright asking, yet there really is no way to sugarcoat it. “What are you doing here, Ilya?” And that breaks Ilya’s face for a split-second. Enough for Shane to notice the sharp intake of breath and the slight widening of his eyes as if in surprise, as if he thinks he might be imagining this. “Sorry, I just- I thought you weren’t talking to me, and I know that last time was my fault so I can’t even really blame you, but man, you are giving me some pretty serious whiplash right now I just-”
“Hollander, it’s fine. I just came to make sure you were okay, I was concerned too many sick days made you forget how to play hockey.” And while he says it in that confident arrogant tone of his, he’s shifty. Looking unsure if he should stay or start to get up and leave, and the hesitance in that alone betrays him to Shane.
“Haha, yeah okay I played like shit, I get it. That still doesn’t explain what you’re doing in my bed, or better yet in the apartment that I’ve never given you the address or code to get into.” At that Ilya looks a little guilty, it really wasn’t until just now that Shane had realized these things. What the fuck is going on?
“I tried to leave Hollander. You wouldn’t let me.” What? That doesn’t sound like something he would do. “And Pike gave me address, I guessed the code, super creative by the way.” and he says it in that dry sarcastic tone that just endears him to Shane even more. And Shane knows at this point, he doesn’t care about any of that, he’s just grateful that his Ilya was brought back to him. He wants to tell him to never leave, to stay with him forever. Both of them give everything up just to be with each other forever. But that’s not him, and he knows that would never work.
So when he tries to tell Ilya how he feels, all that comes out is “yeah, okay”. And it really isn’t okay. Especially not as Ilya begins to get up from the bed and dress, having taken Shane's noncommittal response as indication to leave.
“I- uh, I’m going to go now.” And Shane is scared, he doesn’t want to lose him again. He knows in his heart he won’t be able to survive being ghosted again, especially not when he now knows that his heart has invested everything it has to offer and more.
“Wait.”
They both freeze.
“You need to stay. What if it gets worse again and I have nobody to nurse me back to health.” It was Shane’s rare attempt to crack a joke, to ease the tension that had come over them both when he told him to wait. To try and bridge the gap that was beginning to grow between them again. To try not to scare Ilya off by asking him to stay, to not run away like Shane had months prior, funnily enough they were in a very similar position at this very moment. And Ilya had a choice to make.
Ilya
The fear and hope in Shane’s eyes was a dangerous combination. He knows it mirrors the look he’d had on his face when they had said each other's names months prior, the intimacy of breaking the wall of last names they had built over the years to protect their own emotions, ruining a good thing.
He’s about to agree and climb back into bed with him and waste away the day in each other's arms. Bask in the joy he feels every time Shane says his name. Something he’d taken to doing the whole time he’d been with him, a stark difference from the last time he’d freaked and ran out after doing. Ilya was so close to staying. That is, until he remembers Rose. Of course. How could he forget the perfect Rose Landry. The softness in his expression disappears in an instant.
“Ah I think it would be better if I go.” He nods, to emphasize his point to Shane or reaffirm his decision to himself, probably both. “I’m sure Rose Landry would be happy to come play nurse to you, Hollander.” It’s petty but he just couldn’t resist the urge to acknowledge the relationship he set into motion. For Shane he is a weak man, but in the wake of Rose Landry he knows he can’t give in the same way, even if it breaks his heart to go.
“I’m sorry,” Ah the Canadian in him, always apologizing. He smiles fondly in response. “What does Rose have to do with anything?” His Shane, trying to spare his feelings, it would be cute if it weren’t devastating.
“It’s fine, Hollander, I know she is your girlfriend, yes? You don’t have to pretend you want me to stay, I will go and you can call her.” Shane looks taken aback for a moment.
“What? No Ilya, I’m not dating Rose. Not anymore at least.”
“You’re not?” Ilya says slowly, testing the idea in his mind considering what to do with this new information. He looks to Shane for confirmation.
“I’m not, I’m really not. I’m gay, fully, completely.” He says it with a smile, looking almost serene as he speaks. Ilya is too dumbfounded to do anything honestly. He’s honestly pretty proud he managed to stay standing as Shane told him. It has less to do with the gay thing, Ilya thought this was pretty much common knowledge between them until the whole Rose thing. No, it's more the knowledge that he hasn’t lost his Shane to Rose Landry that makes him reflect on his ability to stand.
“Okay, so what?” While it is his own fault that he’s getting defensive again, can you really blame a guy who's trying to wrap his mind on the possibility of actually getting all he wants for the first time in his life.
“So stay.” This time Shane doesn’t hide behind the implication of needing care, he has found the bravery to say what he wants. It’s enough to consider dealing with a migraine itself, but having a conversation with your whatever they are that required him to find the courage and mental energy to decipher their miscommunications and reservations during the recovery stage of said migraine is to be admired. And Ilya is so proud of Shane at that moment, asking for something he wants rather than let it slip by if it's not convenient for everyone. That was always one of his quirks that Ilya wanted to help with.
If Shane can be brave maybe Ilya can too.
Ilya leaves the room. He catches Shane covering his face with his hands out of the corner of his eye. His poor Shane, probably getting another headache. When he reaches the kitchen, he returns to the same cabinet as before and repeats the same motions last night prompted from him as he fills water for Shane, exactly to his liking.
He returns to find Shane in the same position, half bent over, hands covering his face and his shoulders are shaking. He sets the water down on the nightstand and reaches a hand out to his shoulder. “Shane?”
It just about shatters his heart over again when Shane lifts his head with red rimmed eyes and tearstained cheeks to meet Ilya’s gaze. He sniffs once, and his eyes well up with tears again. “I thought you left.” he says quietly, avoiding meeting Ilya’s eyes once again.
“I just went to get you water, moya lyubov. I was coming back, I just needed a minute to process and you looked like your head was hurting again.” He feels each tear that rolls down Shane’s face as a stab in the gut. “Shane, look at me.” He turns his head until they’re face to face. “I’m not leaving. I’ll stay as long as you want.” He pulls Shane into his arms, and rolls them until Shane is on top of Ilya, and they stay just holding each other until Shane falls asleep again.
During this time, Ilya makes some calls, arranging to fly back to Boston on his own in two days, figuring he’ll stay until Shane kicks him out, hopefully not until he has to catch his flight but worst case he gets a hotel. He’s missing an optional practice, game tape review, and a non-optional practice, highly unusual for him yet, his family emergency is more important. Shane is more important. Getting every moment he can with Shane is more important.
When Shane begins to stir again, the first thing Ilya does is offer him the water that caused the previous waterworks while he reassures Shane he isn’t leaving. Shane then proceeds to straight up ask him “How long are you staying?” which is really meant to be ‘How long can you stay?’. Luckily for Shane, Ilya knows him well enough to understand.
“Wow, trying to get rid of me already?”
“Fuck off, you know what I mean.” It was good to see Shane more himself after the emotional rollercoaster they’d both had over the past day.
“I have to go back in two days.”
“That long?!”
“You sure know how to make a guy feel wanted. And give him mixed motions too.” Ilya chuckled a little bit at how bad Shane is at communicating, not that he’d ever tell him.
“Mixed signals, and fuck you, and really how are you staying that long?”
“Is nothing, optional practice, game tape I can watch on the plane, and family emergency over mandatory practice, simple.” He lists them off and tries to slide that last part in there just so Shane hopefully wouldn’t notice. Attempt failed.
“Ilya you can’t skip practice to see me!”
“Is not skipping, is family emergency, and watch me.”
“You’re insufferable.”
“And you’re boring.” This was practically their way of saying ‘I love you’ and they both knew it, but it would stay unspoken. For now.
“If you’re gonna bug me just go home then.” The sarcasm in his voice prominent as squeezes Ilya’s biceps affectionately.
“Oh you want me to leave already?”
Shane pauses, and looks up at Ilya, making sure he’s looking him right in the eyes as he says, “I never want you to leave.”