Chapter Text
The date seemed to flick a switch between the both of them because they were suddenly inseparable. Any awkwardness between the two was long gone. Even their friends had started to notice the change, which was rich coming from the kings of public displays of affection.
“Dude, gross, stop that.” Hoseok hissed disgustedly at Yoongi when they had all ended up in a McDonald’s late one Wednesday night. Jimin had been eating his burger rather messily and Yoongi wasted no time in swiping a thumb across the corner of the younger’s mouth and then licking the remnants with a smirk. Hoseok had pushed his tray away from him to prove a point he was too disgusted to eat, but his resolve broke no more than two seconds later and he was back to happily munching on his fries.
“How can I stop being gross when this beauty is sitting opposite me.” Yoongi purred sickly sweet, trying to wind Hoseok up. Jimin blushed and Hoseok blanched.
“You went on one date,” Jeongguk deadpanned. “And now you’re acting like you’re soulmates. You’re already on fifth date territory.”
“Little Jeonggukie.” Jimin hummed, and Jeongguk gulped because that was the tone that meant the elder was going to rip him to pieces, “How would you know anything about fifth date territory when you haven’t been on a date in god knows how long? The last time you got any action was with Taehyung-ah.”
Cue the rest of their friends choking on whatever was in their mouth. Seokjin had to give Namjoon a solid whack on his back to dislodge a gherkin from his throat. “You did what?” Namjoon spluttered once he had finished coughing up his lungs. Jeongguk and Taehyung both sent the most terrifying death glares to Jimin. He was going to die later but it was worth it.
“It wasn’t really us that did it,” Taehyung tried to reason. “It was more the alcohol, I would say.”
“Alcohol is never an excuse.” Namjoon tutted, causing everyone else to roll their eyes. While having a dad of the group was great in times of need, he also drove them crazy from nagging. They had become incredibly grateful for Seokjin, who knew just how to shut Namjoon up, and this situation was no exception. Grabbing as many fries as he could fit in his hand, he shoved them into Namjoon’s mouth with an innocent smile and the subject was dropped.
Once they were all suitably stuffed and caught up with each other, they decided to part ways. As soon as the four housemates returned to their apartment, Taehyung and Jeongguk went to their respective bedrooms and Yoongi made his way towards the living room.
“You know, you can stay in my room.” Jimin suggested a little nervously, “Bring the laptop with you. I sleep like a log anyway, you won’t disturb me.”
“You sure this isn’t going too quick?” Yoongi asked, the look of concern on his face making Jimin melt a bit.
“I’m asking if you can sit in bed next to me, not for you to suck my dick.” Jimin huffed, giggling. “I’m sure we can both control ourselves.”
With a shrug, Yoongi grabbed the laptop and made himself at home under Jimin’s covers. He swaddled himself up in the duvet up to his eyes and he looked adorably soft. “I didn’t realise you could feel heat.” Jimin said in surprise.
“Kind of, I guess? Not much, and it’s not like I can die of hypothermia anyway.” Yoongi explained, “It’s more of a comfort thing. Don’t you feel much safer when you’re all snuggled under the duvet?”
Jimin just smiled and nodded, smitten with how innocent Yoongi could come across. In front of others he always had an edge, a cold exterior, something mysterious about him. But around Jimin he was just a grizzly teddy bear, a little grumpy but with a kind heart and mushy feelings. He climbed into bed next to the elder, snatching some of the duvet to roll himself up in before placing a gentle kiss on Yoongi’s cheek. It was the elder’s turn to smile then, muttering a sweet “good night” before knocking off the bedside lamp.
Jimin had the best sleep he’d had for a long time.
***
Days turned into weeks, and Jimin had almost completely forgotten that Yoongi was only meant to be here temporarily. He had slotted himself into the younger’s life so easily, made friends with all his friends, and soon enough he had become an official member of the apartment.
“Hey, hyung, I got you a key cut. Seen as you’ve moved in now I thought you’d probably need it.” Taehyung had pressed the silver key into Yoongi’s hand one afternoon, and while he beamed brightly at the younger, there was a flicker of something strange through his eyes. Was it guilt?
There were no questions asked. Yoongi had just placed himself into the apartment and he had fit in so well that they didn’t even expect him to look for anywhere else. Since the first night Jimin had asked him to spend the night in his room, he had stayed there every night, so now that he had a room there really was no need for him to leave.
The pair were falling hard. If you had told Jimin that he would end up falling this hard for Yoongi after the first time he met him in the afterlife, he would have laughed right in your face. If you had told Jimin that he would be baking muffins with the elder, or going for walks next to the pond in the park with the elder, or going on late night fast food runs that always ended in a mini food fight with the elder, he would have thought you were a liar. But here he was, having the time of his life, unimaginable without Yoongi by his side.
Weeks turned into months, and soon enough it was time for Jimin to start back in university. He only had the one semester to finish and so he was starting in January rather than the September prior, but he was worried. With him busy working for the next few months, he didn’t know what Yoongi was going to do with his time. Sure, he worked in the grocery store, but only for a couple of hours every morning and then the rest of the day he and Jimin would hang out together. But Yoongi had promised him that he was happy for Jimin to go to university, that he could finally try his hand at doing some producing work, and Jimin reluctantly left for his first day back feeling a little less guilty.
To say Jimin enjoyed his first day back would be a lie. He didn’t not enjoy it, nothing bad happened, but he knew he would really have to work hard this semester to get a good grade overall. There was no gently easing him back in. He was hit with assignments and deadlines from the get go, and coming out of his last lecture of the day Jimin felt rather drained. All he wanted to do was go home, curl up onto the sofa with Yoongi and watch a film that didn’t require any brain power. He thought back to all those months ago, to the first time he had met Yoongi, and right at that moment he thought he should have just let the elder cart him off so he didn’t have to do all this work.
But he was out of luck it seemed, as he turned the corner to leave after exiting the lecture hall, he felt a light tap on his shoulder. If this was another lecturer telling him he had a lot of work to catch up on if he wanted to graduate he was going to scream right in their faces. Swivelling round, Jimin spat out a curt “What?”.
“Ok, so I know the lunch I packed you wasn’t my finest work, but I didn’t think you’d be this pissed about it.”
Yoongi stood with his shoulder resting against the wall, a half smirk playing across his lips. He brushed off Jimin’s sharpness with ease, knowing the boy well enough to understand that he wasn’t annoyed with the elder.
“Sorry, it’s been a long day. What are you doing here?”
“Am I not allowed to wait for the most handsome man on the planet to come out of his lectures so that I can walk him home?” Yoongi cooed, his voice sickly sweet.
“Shut up, stop being an ass.” Jimin huffed and gently shoved Yoongi with a giggle, “By the way, you were right about the lunch not being your finest work. The box of noodles had exploded all over my bag before my first lecture even started.”
“Did they taste good, though?” Yoongi asked, swiftly linking his fingers with Jimin’s and tugging him gently to start walking home.
“I don’t know. I thought it would look a bit weird if I was sitting in the canteen eating noodles from my bag.”
“Did you throw them away?” Yoongi sputtered, his eyes wide in fake horror.
“No, I decided to let them ferment in my bag.” Jimin replied sarcastically with an eye roll, “Of course I threw them away.”
“I didn’t know you could be this cold.”
They both chuckled softly, before falling into a comfortable silence. One thing Jimin had noticed from his time spent getting close to Yoongi is that while they tended to fall into silences a lot with each other, it was always the comfortable kind. It was as if they could communicate with each other in so many different ways they didn’t need to talk. Like when they came across two dogs playing together in the park that they walked through on the way home, and Yoongi just gently nodded his head in their direction knowing that Jimin loved to look at stuff like that. No words needed, just Jimin’s gentle gasp and his beautiful eye smile before carrying on their walk. Yoongi noticed Jimin looking at the pond with a weird look in his eye, remembering that this was the place where he almost drowned. Yoongi gave Jimin’s hand a little squeeze, something they used so often nowadays to show that they were there and it was all okay. Jimin squeezed back to show that he knew and he was thankful, and he peeled his eyes away with a soft smile for the rest of the walk home.
It became routine for Yoongi to meet Jimin after his lectures. The elder never had anything to do in the afternoons and so they would often see where the rest of the day would take them, whether it be a quick shopping trip, or a walk in the park, or bowling and a burger for Jimin. And it was pretty exciting, albeit it kind of scary, how quickly Jimin was falling for Yoongi.
***
It was one Friday afternoon, after a long day of university, when Jimin realised he really should see his parents after all the accidents he had been in that year. They were worried sick, and while Jimin hadn’t been in an accident in a long while and he was pretty much healed, he knew it would ease their minds if he went back to Busan to see them. While things with Yoongi were going well, Jimin decided it was too soon for him to introduce him to his parents, and so with a ridiculous amount of apologies and the most heartfelt kiss they ever had, he left Yoongi to his own devices the very next morning. Which was totally fine. No problem.
Except for the fact that the rest of the boys had gone into protective older brother mode. And Jimin wasn’t here for reinforcement.
It started out innocently enough. Yoongi was lazing on the sofa, finishing a drama that he had started watching before he had died, when Jeongguk announced that the rest of their friends would be coming over for a pizza and movie night. Yoongi was a little sad that he wouldn’t have Jimin to use as a giant pillow while they watched a movie but he knew he should probably be social instead of sitting on the sofa all day. He even made an effort to be presentable, changing out of Jimin’s baggy hoodie and his own sweatpants and into a nice pair of jeans and a comfy yet stylish white t-shirt. He was applying the finishing touches to his tousled hair when the doorbell rang and the rest of his friends poured into the apartment.
Yoongi isn’t sure when it all started to go downhill. Everything seemed to be going as normal; the pizza was ordered (“None for me, thanks. I had a big lunch.” Yoongi had said when they asked him what they wanted. “I didn’t see you eat any lunch, hyung.” Jeongguk had replied, looking at him accusingly. “It was when you were in the shower. I’m a quick eater.” Yoongi had shrugged, and it was dropped), and the movie chosen. The blankets were draped across them all and they had somehow managed to mostly squeeze onto the small sofa, and it seemed like the perfect night.
“So, Yoongi.” Seokjin said in a tone that struck fear into every single one of Yoongi’s nerves. Sickly sweet, in a way that could only mean trouble. “Things with you and Jimin-ah are going well, huh?”
“Yes, they’re great.” Yoongi said a little fondly, but he was cautious. “We really get on well.”
“What’s your previous relationship history?” Taehyung blurted, squinting at Yoongi, and Hoseok gave the younger a little slap on the shoulder. “We were meant to be easing him in gently, dummy.” Hoseok hissed.
“I kissed a girl once when I was fifteen behind the big tree in the school field.” Yoongi admitted, “But I don’t know what that has to do with Jimin.”
“We just want to know your intentions.” Namjoon said slowly, “Jimin is a wonderful guy. We only want the best for him and we just want to make sure that you’re right for him.”
“Isn’t that up for Jimin to decide?” Yoongi replied, and it was apparently the wrong thing to say because all six other pairs of eyes were now looking daggers at him.
“Let me explain.” Jeongguk answered calmly, grabbing at Taehyung’s wrist as he looked like he was about to swing. “Jimin-hyung is a very trusting guy. He sees the best in everybody. We like you a lot, but you’re so different to him. We’re just worried that this maybe isn’t the best idea.”
“Since when were you the adult?” Yoongi sighed, chuckling sadly, “I promise, I care about Jimin more than you could ever imagine. If it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t be the person I am today. We may be different but I think that’s why we get along so well, because our personalities complement each other rather than mimic. I don’t know what I’d do without him.”
“You love him.”
All heads swivelled to face Seokjin, who had said that last part so casually Yoongi started to doubt if he had even heard it. “He means a lot to me.” Yoongi replied carefully.
“He means a lot to you because you love him.” Seokjin smiled, “I know what you’re thinking. It hasn’t been long enough to fall in love, he’s too young to know what love is, probably some other shit too. But let me tell you, he’s old enough to love and sometimes you just know that it’s meant to be, even early on. You love him.”
And while Yoongi felt like he’d just been sucker punched in the gut, he realised that maybe Seokjin was chatting some sense.
Maybe he was in love.
And that was a really, truly terrible thing to come to terms with.
***
On Sunday evening, Jimin burst back through the door of the apartment looking rather worn out. He kicked off his shoes by the door, flung his coat haphazardly over the hook and practically lobbed his suitcase into his room before throwing himself on the sofa with a groan.
“Parents weren’t thrilled to see you, I assume?” Taehyung asked, coming in through the doorway.
“It wasn’t that they weren’t happy to see me. They just nagged the life out of me for getting into so many dumb accidents.”
“That’s understandable.” Taehyung replied, coming up behind Jimin and running a soothing hand through his hair. “I’ll make you some hot chocolate and then we can watch a trashy movie, okay?”
“This is why you’re my best friend.” Jimin giggled, draped over the sofa like a slug. “Where’s Yoongi-hyung?”
“He’s probably got his headphones on. I’ll go tell him you’re home.”
Jimin could hear muffled voices through the wall before a bedraggled looking Yoongi shuffled into the living room. “Why do you look so rough?” Jimin asked, concerned.
“Just had a lot to think about. I’m fine, honestly.” Yoongi smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes.
“You know you can talk to me about anything, right?” Jimin reminded him.
“I know. Thank you, Jimin-ah.” Yoongi said, a bit brighter this time. He made his way over to the sofa and sat next to Jimin, wrapping an arm round the younger’s shoulder. “But I’m fine. I know what I’m going to do to fix everything.”
Yoongi placed a sweet kiss onto Jimin’s cheek, letting his eyes flick down towards Jimin’s lips briefly and that was all the younger needed before leaning in and pressing a soft kiss onto Yoongi’s lips. Yoongi deepened the kiss, wanting to feel as much as he could, give them both as much as possible to remember. They broke away when there was a cough behind them, an awkward looking Taehyung standing in the doorway with two hot chocolates.
“I’ll leave you guys to it.” He nodded, placing one of the mugs onto the coffee table. “I’ll drink mine in my room. Might convince Jeongguk to play Pokémon with me.”
Jimin giggled softly before sending a nod in gratitude towards Taehyung. His friend just winked in reply before giving a small wave goodbye and skulking off to his room. Once Taehyung was firmly out of earshot, Yoongi grabbed both of Jimin’s hands and looked him right in the eye.
“Jimin-ah, I need to tell you this. It might be a little soon, but I just really have to get it off my chest right now.” Yoongi stuttered, struggling to keep eye contact but forcing himself to keep going. He took a deep breath. “I love you. You are the reason that I stayed, the reason that I’m the happiest I’ve ever been, the reason that I feel alive again. You mean the world to me and I love you. And I need you to remember that, okay? No matter what happens.”
Jimin sat with his mouth agape, silent for a few moments. Yoongi started to think he had fucked up royally but then Jimin’s small hands found their way onto Yoongi’s cheeks and he was being dragged forward into the most loving kiss he had ever had.
“I love you too.” Jimin mumbled into Yoongi’s lips, puffing hot air gently onto his face. “No matter what happens, I will always be by your side.”
They both giggled gently, spending the night curled up into each other and talking about anything and everything, happy to be in each other’s company. Jimin started to feel his eyelids getting heavy a few hours later and while he tried to hide his sleepiness, Yoongi seemed to be completely in tune with him.
“You’re tired.” Yoongi stated, caressing a thumb across Jimin’s cheek. “Go to bed, love.”
“But it’s only ten o’clock.” Jimin mumbled.
“You’ve had a long day. It’s okay, I have some TV shows to catch up on anyway.”
“Okay, if you say so.” Jimin yawned, stretching before hopping off the sofa. “Let’s go to bed, then.”
“Uh, I’m going to stay here for a little while.” Yoongi replied, and if Jimin wasn’t so tired he might have noticed something off. “Just want to give Namjoon a quick phone call. About, uh, a gig that’s coming up. I’ll follow you in a bit.”
Yoongi just hoped that Jimin would forgive him.
***
Jimin had woken up wary when a beautiful day popped its head through the curtains, warm sunlight trickling down onto his skin. His experience of the last year had told him that whenever he woke up to a good morning, bad things happened afterwards. Like some sort of reverse pathetic fallacy. Still, Jimin always tried to be optimistic and so he laid for a few moments just soaking up the sun. And then he stretched out his arms. The bed next to him was empty.
It wasn’t unusual for Yoongi to have left the bed before Jimin woke up. After all, the elder didn’t sleep and so sitting quietly in bed twiddling his thumbs wasn’t exactly the most exciting. He would often wake up early and potter into the living room where Taehyung was usually up bright and early. Something just felt off this morning though. The bed was a little too cold, the sheets a little too made, as if no one had slept there at all. After the events of the night before, Jimin couldn’t help but let a weird sinking feeling wash over him. The calm before the storm, as they say.
After a small pep talk to himself, Jimin eventually managed to convince himself out of bed even though he could have quite happily laid in there for the rest of the day. He pottered into the living room and found it was empty, and so Jimin assumed the elder must have been with his other roommates in the kitchen.
But as he walked into the kitchen, he could only count two other people. Sure, maths wasn’t his strongest subject, but he was pretty sure there was two people in the kitchen when there should have been three. Jeongguk looked unusually perky and awake as he ate his cereal, and for once Taehyung was also eating a somewhat normal breakfast of Cornflakes (although the squirty cream on top was perhaps a touch unconventional).
“Where’s Yoongi-hyung?” Jimin asked sleepily, throwing himself onto one of the chairs by the dining table.
“Wasn’t he with you last night?” Jeongguk replied.
“Nope. I went to bed before him and he said he’d follow but he wasn’t there when I woke up.”
“Weird. Maybe he’s gone for a walk or something.” Taehyung shrugged, and Jimin had a weird feeling bubbling in his chest. Yoongi never just went out without telling Jimin, and while the younger didn’t expect to be informed about everywhere Yoongi went, it was out of character. He couldn’t even text the elder because he didn’t have a phone.
Jeongguk clunked his spoon against the bowl. “Oh, by the way, there’s a letter for you in the living room. It didn’t have an address on it so I think it was posted by hand? Who do you know that would be hand mailing you letters?”
“No idea.” Jimin mumbled, a little confused. He tried to rattle his brain for anyone that would possibly send him a letter but came out blank. Instead of spending the next five minutes trying to guess, he thought it was probably wiser just to go have a look. He went to the living room, seeing a hastily written Jimin on an envelope on the coffee table and picking it up slowly. The bubbling feeling in his chest was getting worse and his hands were a little shaky as he ripped open the envelope.
To Jimin,
I’m sorry that I didn’t say goodbye. Please look after yourself well.
I love you,
Yoongi.
***
“I’m going to kill him.” Namjoon seethed, scrunching up the note in his grip. “We told him not to mess you around and here he is, leaving without any explanation! I never thought he’d stoop this low.”
“It’s okay, hyung.” Jimin pleaded, trying to calm the elder down. Taehyung had dragged him for an emergency meeting with all of his friends in a very busy and public coffee shop, and Namjoon having a freak out really wasn’t going to help anything.
“He seemed like such a decent guy.” Seokjin sighed sadly, giving Jimin’s shoulder a sympathetic pat, “I’m sorry, Jimin-ah.”
“It really is okay. I shouldn’t have let myself get so attached.”
“Don’t you dare blame this on yourself Park Jimin.” Hoseok argued sharply, giving Jimin an apologetic hand squeeze for his tone, “He’s the one in the wrong, not you.”
Jimin just blinked, really regretting coming to the once again very public coffee shop to talk about this. All he wanted to do was cry and scream and shout and sleep and anything else he could do to stop feeling sad.
He knew there was only one thing that could stop him being sad.
It was going to be tough. He knew that his friends were going to be watching his every step at this point, not trusting him. He needed to plan this well, be alone, no interruptions. It was going to be a challenge, but it was one he simply had to take.
***
“What the fuck are you doing?”
Namjoon had apparently just let himself into the apartment, even though Jimin had waited specifically until all of his roommates were out before doing this. The scene that had greeted the elder was a weird one; a full bathtub and Jimin hovering their old toaster over the top, one foot already in the water. A pretty grim scene to have to witness, but Jimin wasn’t really sure how else to go about it. He hadn’t planned what to do in this situation, seeing as he didn’t think it was going to happen.
“I just wanted some toast. In the bath.” Jimin tried to convince Namjoon. He didn’t know why he was bothering, because there was no way he could talk himself out of this one.
Namjoon just stood silently for a few moments, before his face twisted up and he dropped to the floor, a very unattractive sob leaving his lips. “Jimin-ah, I know you miss Yoongi. But this isn’t the answer. Please don’t do this, we’ll help you get through.”
Waves of guilt washed over Jimin. He knew that if he had walked in on a similar situation with one of his friends he would have been traumatised. But he really needed to see Yoongi, maybe smack him in the mouth for disappearing on him, and he knew this was a fool proof way to find him again. Jimin sucked in a breath, trying not to panic.
“Please, hyung. You need to leave now, before you see something you don’t want to see.”
Those few sentences seemed to open up the floodgates, and Namjoon snorted again and clutched at Jimin’s legs, begging into Jimin’s shins as he pressed close against them. There was no way Jimin was going to be able to go through with this while Namjoon was here, and now that he had seen him attempt it the elder was going to watch over Jimin any chance he got. Jimin needed to act fast, get this over with before Namjoon made it impossible for him to do it later.
Suddenly, Jimin felt his legs pulled from under him and he toppled on top of Namjoon, before the elder grabbed onto the younger’s wrists and flipped them over. He pinned Jimin to the floor, the toaster a broken heap next to them as Jimin had dropped it as he fell. Namjoon’s eyes bored into Jimin’s, full to the brim with tears and there was a dribble of snot above his mouth. Hopefully Seokjin never saw him like this because he would run for the hills, as it was frankly quite a disgusting sight.
“I’m going to call Seokjin now. He’ll be the best to help.” Namjoon said surprisingly calmly, a stark contrast to his messy face.
“Are you sure you want Seokjin-hyung to see you like this? You look ugly.” Jimin commented, but quickly shut up when he realised just how serious Namjoon was being. He had never seen him so upset, so angry, not even in the hospital after all his accidents. Namjoon didn’t even grace Jimin with an answer, rearranging himself so he could hold onto both of Jimin’s wrists with one hand and call Seokjin with the other.
“No, everything's not okay.” Namjoon barked down the phone after Seokjin had presumably said something. “Please come round to Jimin’s place as soon as you can. He’s not coping, hyung, and I don’t know what to do.”
There were a few more hums and grunts before Namjoon hung up the phone, still pinning down Jimin but this time in complete silence. “Hyung, you’re kind of hurting my wrists a lot.” Jimin piped up after a few excruciatingly long moments.
Namjoon scoffed, leaving no sign of loosening his grip. “If I let go you’re going to do something really dumb, so we are going to sit like this until Seokjin gets here and then we are going to come together and talk about this.”
And that was exactly what they did. Fortunately, it didn’t take Seokjin all that long to turn up, his face red and sweaty and his chest heaving. Jimin felt another pang of guilt at the thought of Seokjin literally sprinting to the apartment to make sure he was okay. Namjoon got off Jimin so that he could stand but didn’t let go of his vice like grip on his wrists until they were sat on the table and Jimin showed no intention of bolting.
“Jimin-ah, I know it’s tough,” Seokjin sympathised. “But you have to let us know when you’re struggling. We’re here to help, and I know plenty of people in work that can help too. especially considering your background.”
Jimin was about ready to rip his hair out. “I have no background! I’m just a dumbass!”
“Please, Jimin, you need to stay calm. Being all riled up won’t help you or anybody else.” Seokjin sighed sadly.
“I’m not doing this because I’m all heartbroken and I feel like this is the only option.” Jimin stressed, “If I told you the real reason, you wouldn’t believe me.”
“Try us.” Namjoon challenged.
“Fine.” Jimin deadpanned, his face blank, “Min Yoongi is actually the Grim Reaper that’s in charge of processing deaths and sending people to the afterlife. I met him after my few near death experiences and it’s because of him that I ever came back to life. He’s gone back there for some reason that’s beyond me and now I need to go back and see him.”
Jimin didn’t think he had ever been in a room so silent. It was so silent that it was deafening, the rest of his senses in overdrive. His two friends just stared at him, dumbfounded, until a few moments later Seokjin snapped. “Do you not understand how serious this is? How concerned we are? This isn’t the time to be making jokes like that!”
“I told you that you wouldn’t believe me!”
“Because you’re not being serious!” Namjoon snapped and Jimin decided not to argue it any further. What was the point?
Jimin was going to need a new tactic to go about all of this. He needed something quick, something unexpected, so that he could just get it over with without any of his friends being able to stop him. What could he do that didn’t give anyone the opportunity to save him before he got to Yoongi.
“You’re right. I’m being selfish and stupid.” Jimin found himself saying. He had a plan. “I didn’t actually want to do anything that stupid, I think it was just a cry for help, you know? What I need is some closure, to know that Yoongi-hyung isn’t coming back so I can move on.”
Both of his friends seemed to lap his lies up, Seokjin leaning on his hands and looking sympathetically at Jimin. “How do you think you can get closure?”
“There’s somewhere I want to visit.”
***
It’s funny how much a certain smell can bring back so much nostalgia. As Jimin climbed out of Seokjin’s slightly beat up car, far too small for all of their friends to have squished in all the way here, the smell of salt hit him with far too many emotions. He had always related the smell to good things, spending time with the family, hot summer days, his first date with Yoongi. But now it had almost a sadness attached to it, a bitter sweetness, of the good things that were lost. Coming back to Chaeseokgang Cliffs was going to be hard, but it was the only way he was going to see Yoongi again.
“I’d forgotten how pretty it was here.” Seokjin sighed wistfully. Slinging a backpack on his back, the elder waved for all of the friends to follow as he made his way up to the peak of the cliff. Everyone had decided to come with Jimin for this adventure of closure. They had picked the weekend so that the four in university would be free, and Hoseok had rearranged all his appointments to come and support his friend. In all honesty, Jimin didn’t want all his friends to come, making him feel even more guilty, but he couldn’t blame them for wanting to be good friends.
The weather was still a little chilly, nothing like the harsh January but still sharp. Walking up the steep cliff was enough to heat the boys up, and by the time they reached the top most of them were taking off their jackets and tying them round their waists. Looking out over the sea below them, Jimin remembered the fond memories of giggling about the silly names Yoongi came up with for the stars. It was the middle of the day now, no stars to be seen, but the sky was clear and the sun glittered over the sea beautifully. It almost made Jimin not want to go through with this, but he knew he had to.
Jimin waited. He put on a brave face, acted like this was helping. When Seokjin looked over and nodded he nodded back to show that yes, this was giving him closure. When Taehyung hugged him and asked him how he felt he smiled brightly and told him he was a lot better. While he felt immensely guilty, the look on his best friend’s face of pure glee and relief was worth it.
“I still think you should go see someone when we get back. This isn’t going to make everything go away.” Seokjin whispered sadly at one point, just quietly enough for Jimin to hear, “But I’m glad you’re feeling better today.”
“I will, hyung. You have my word.”
Seokjin moved away with a soft smile to go and admire the view with Namjoon. Jimin, meanwhile, was inching closer and closer to the edge of the cliff, as slowly and inconspicuously as possible. No one seemed to notice, too busy chatting amongst them and leaving Jimin to find his peace or whatever. Soon he was right at the edge of the cliff, one step further and he would hit air.
“Hyung, you’re pretty close to that cliff edge. You might want to step back a bit.” Jeongguk called, the first to see the boy on the edge. He thought nothing of it, just worried for the boy’s clumsy reputation. No one other than Namjoon and Seokjin knew about the bath incident, after all. They just thought they were on a day out to brighten up Jimin’s spirits. Seokjin and Namjoon, however, were much sharper, and wasted no time breaking into a sprint to try and pull the boy away from the cliffs edge.
But it was too late.
“I’m sorry, I have to do this.” Jimin apologized, before bending his knees, leaning forwards, and jumping. He could feel the wind tangling his hair, his friends shrieking from the distance, and never had he felt so at peace.
***
“I should have known you’d do this.”
Jimin could feel something cold and hard flat against his back, and when he managed to get his eyes to flutter open he saw that he was at the bottom of the cliffs, lying on the rocks that were on the sea edge. Yoongi was sat on a small pile of rocks to the side of him, looking at his thumbs with a doleful look on his face. The younger forced himself up so that he was sitting, facing Yoongi with defiance.
“You think you could just leave and me not look for you? Without any sort of goodbye?”
Yoongi sniffed, looking away from Jimin, “I had to do it, Jimin-ah. If I had told you I was going you wouldn’t have let me leave.”
“Of course I wouldn’t!” Jimin cried out weakly, his body feeling drained. “Why would I have let you just leave?”
“Because I had to!” Yoongi snapped, “I told you this from the beginning! I’m not meant to be alive, I couldn’t be there forever!”
“So you just thought you’d just tell me you loved me and then walk out, is that it?”
“I had to leave because I loved you, Jimin. Don’t you get it?” Yoongi asked, finally lifting his head up to meet his eyes with Jimin, “I realised that I was ridiculously, hopelessly in love with you. I couldn’t stay for a while, indulge myself, and then leave later when we’re both even deeper in love. I needed to end it before it got too difficult.”
This seemed to hit a nerve for Jimin, as his shoulders started shaking gently as hot tears trailed down his cheeks. “Why couldn’t you stay? If you stayed that long, why couldn’t you have stayed till the end?” Jimin sobbed.
With Jimin’s tears breaking his heart even more than it already was, Yoongi threw himself over to Jimin and pulled him into a tight embrace, the younger burying his face into the elder’s chest. Yoongi could feel the tears seeping through his already sodden shirt from where he had pulled Jimin out of the water, and every single one felt like another blow to the heart.
“You know I couldn’t stay.” Yoongi breathed into Jimin’s hair, wet and slimy from the seaweed but still beautiful, “I shouldn’t have stayed in the first place. If I had stayed, what stops anyone else from going back and staying? I would have been caught, eventually. Plus, Taemin has been covering my shifts for months, I think he would have died from exhaustion if he wasn’t already dead.”
“What happens if you get caught?”
“You go to Hell. And trust me, that’s not a place you want to be.”
Jimin wiped his snotty face into Yoongi’s shirt, too sad and angry to care about how disgusting it was. “Well, if you can’t come back, then I’ll stay here with you. Do your thing, send me to Heaven.”
“That’s stupid and you know it, babe.” Yoongi sighed, brushing the wet strands of hair out of Jimin’s eyes. “You have a whole life waiting for you back home.”
“But what’s the point if you’re not there?”
“Do you hear how ridiculous you sound right now?” Yoongi chuckled wetly, and no those were definitely not tears in his eyes thank you very much, “You can’t give up your entire life because of a boy ! There’s plenty of those out there, but you only have one life to live. Think about all the people you’d be giving up. All your friends, your flatmates, your family.”
“I’d never see them again.”
“Well, that’s not strictly true.” Yoongi wavered, “But it would be a very, very long time, yes. Too long. It’s been eight years already but I still feel broken every time I think about my brother probably doing amazing things in his life and me not being able to see it.”
“Hyung, I’m sorry.” Jimin sobbed again, shaking in Yoongi’s arms, “But I don’t want to leave you, how can I go back knowing you’ll never pick me up from university or watch a trashy film with me?”
“Trust me, Jimin-ah. There will be someone else out there for you do all that with. But you have no choice in the matter anymore, because I am sending you home.”
And with that, Yoongi untangled himself from the weeping boy and took a step back, the tears freely flowing now. Taking a deep breath, Yoongi stuttered, “I love you Jimin. Do good things in your life. Make me proud.”
“No, hyung, please don’t do this, I’ll come right back, don’t think I won’t.” Jimin was hysterical now, his face scarlet, tears dripping onto his own shirt.
“If you do I’ll just keep sending you right back, and I won’t say anything. Don’t waste your time.”
“Just please promise me that you’ll wait for me. That when I come back when I’m old and wrinkly we can pick up where we left off.”
“Asking for a lot there, what if I want a good dicking in the meantime.” Yoongi teased with a wink, even though he himself was still crying, “Of course I’ll wait. There’s no one here that could ever even come close to comparing to you, Jimin.”
“I’m going to miss you so much, hyung.” Jimin said thickly, laying back down to prepare himself for what was coming.
“I’m going to miss you too.” Yoongi choked out, the sobs washing over him. “I’m going to send you off, now. I’ll see you in sixty years. When we’re both old and wrinkly.”
“I’m going to miss you so much.” Jimin wailed through his sobs, as he felt himself tingle. It was time to go back, “I’m going to wait for you, Min Yoongi.”
“Hey! It’s hyung to you!” Yoongi sobbed back with a small smile.
And then darkness.
***
Jimin lays in his bed, crisp white sheets tucked in underneath him, the soft beep of a heart monitor beside him. A doctor fusses with the cables attached to his arms, and he thinks back wistfully to the time when it was Seokjin that was the one looking after him. He hadn’t seen the elder in a very long time, not since him and Namjoon had moved to America to get married and start a family there, but the letters and postcards they sent were lovely all the same. He had long since retired from medicine now, living it up in a Floridian beach house the last Jimin heard with their children and grandchildren living nearby. He smiles softly at the doctor, a pretty young woman named Sooyoung that had been looking after him ever since he’d came to the hospital.
“Your friends are here to see you, ahjussi. Shall I let them in?” She asks softly, plumping the pillow behind his head. She was sure to make his stay as comfortable as possible, seeing as she knew he wouldn’t be staying there much longer.
“Yes please, Sooyoung.”
Taehyung and Jeongguk make their way into the room, a little slower than they used to now that Taehyung’s hip is acting up. They slowly sit themselves into the chairs beside the bed, the same youthfulness in their eyes they had sixty years ago, even though their faces show the lines of many smiles they had during their lives.
“How are you doing, hyung?” Jeongguk asks, his voice a lot huskier these days. Although Jimin supposed that years of being a vocal coach would have that effect, alongside his age.
“Well, thank you.” Jimin smiles, a little weakly but no less pure, “They don’t seem to think that I’ll be here much longer. But that’s okay, because I’m ready to leave.”
His friends just nod, knowing that this was a long time coming. They had been quickly briefed outside about Jimin’s condition, told that Jimin was ready to leave now, and in some ways it was relief to the two men. They didn’t like to see their friend suffer, after all.
“How are the families treating you?” Jimin continues, slightly breathless.
“Great. We had the grandkids round for dinner last night. They definitely keep me on my toes, even in my old age. It’s a shame you never had any kids, hyung, because I think you would have loved the challenge.” Jeongguk chuckles, giving Jimin’s hand a light squeeze. The elder’s grip is lighter than normal, slacker and more clammy. It’s okay, because it was a long time coming.
“I was happy to just be surrounded by friends.” Jimin says brightly, “You don’t need to be married to have a great life.”
“That’s true! Although me and the wonderful wife did go strawberry picking yesterday. Got the juiciest strawberries. I’ll make sure to bring some next time we visit.” Taehyung beams, adjusting Jimin’s sheets so that his little toes stopped peeping out of the end.
“Yeah, make sure to do that.” Jimin replies, but it sounds far off, distant. Jeongguk doesn’t let go of Jimin’s hand and Taehyung goes to grab the other side. It was a long time coming.
“We went to go visit Hobi-hyung this week.” Taehyung continues, playing with Jimin’s fingers.
“How is he?”
“Peaceful. There were lots of flowers left for him. Even after his passing he seems to be on everyone’s minds. Probably because he never shut up when he was alive.” Taehyung chuckles, a little sadly. It had been a year or so since Hoseok had passed, but Jimin couldn’t find it in himself to be sad. Yes, he missed his friend, but he knew what was waiting on the other side.
“That’s good.” Jimin wheezes, and his eyelids start to feel heavy. He knows he should probably fight to keep them open but it’s tough, and he’s tired, physically and mentally.
“Hyung, are you okay?” Jeongguk asks softly, but his voice sounds like it’s coming from a tunnel. It’s time, Jimin can feel it.
“I will be.” Jimin simply replies, feeling both of his hands being squeezed tightly by his friends, and the last thing he sees before his eyes flutter shut is the sad but bright smiles of his best friends, a simple goodbye.
“Hello, Jimin-ah. Welcome to the afterlife. My name is Min Yoongi, and I’ll be taking you to Heaven today.”