Chapter Text
When Kimi was announced as his new teammate, George knew his life was going to change drastically. And, God, was he prepared. George had been through good teammates relationships, and not so good ones as well. He knew which one he was going to be. After all, he had learnt from the best. Lewis had been nothing short of amazing, on their good days and bad. George knew he wanted to maintain the peace at Mercedes that Lewis worked hard to build. There was no one better than Lewis himself who knew how much of a disaster a conflict between teammates could turn into. So George took whatever feelings he had preconceived about Kimi and his rise to the Mercedes seat, and locked them away.
George knew Toto was counting on him, and as always, George would deliver. Toto didn’t seem worried though. It was George himself who brought the topic up to Toto.
“You don’t have to worry about me and Kimi, by the way – we are getting along well.”
“I know, George, I’m not worried. You’ve proven yourself to be level-headed and rational in the face of negative emotion, and Kimi is also not the type to let a conflict pollute the entire team environment.”
“I'm just saying – even if he starts beating me or when we have to fight for the championship, I’ll ensure we don’t hate each other and make it unpleasant for the team.”
Toto lets out that trademark deep chuckle of his, the one that always makes George feel like he has said something stupid.
“It will be alright if you do end up feeling resentful over him – it’s alright if you feel resentful already, George, it would be normal even. I’m prepared for you to hate him as much as I was prepared for your worship of Lewis or his indifference towards you.”
It still lands like a dagger into his chest, the reminder that Lewis never brought himself to care about George more than surface level. Leave it to Toto to say something that would absolutely burn you in the middle of a conversation like he was talking about the weather. It’s not like Toto does not know how much it matters to George – in fact it was Toto who once addressed it, advising George to “not take it personally. Ever since Nico, he never bothered to form a deep relationship with his teammate.”, and then expected George to just accept that explanation and move on. Living up to his expectations, George kept his face an unaffected mask, and Toto continued his speech.
“At the end of the day, as long as it doesn’t end up like, you know, Lewis and Nico, I’m not going to interfere.”
George laughs in agreement with Toto over the statement. Of course it was not going to be like Lewis and Nico, no one will be like them ever again. It’s one of those topics that everyone in the company knows not to talk about, so George never really got the explicit confirmation. Yet, he is certain what it was, what they were – soulmates, not just teammates.
Kimi is easy-going and confident, not in the way George was – putting up a front of forced self-assuredness and overconfidence to the point he came across as arrogant and insolent. No, Kimi is confident in the way a child could only be when he isn’t trying to prove himself at every moment. He laughs openly and childlike, not worried about not being taken seriously at his new position. He asks George questions, smart ones and stupid ones, without caring if anyone will think of him as immature. He’s not overthinking about how uncertain his future is, he’s not trying to appear older than he is, and he doesn’t scroll through the endless criticisms about himself on social media, George is sure he has no idea that everyone (including George) thinks he’s not ready yet. Kimi is also not fawning over George the way George used to over Lewis, doesn’t erode his own confidence by putting his older teammate on an impossible pedestal. He’s everything George has never been – never had the chance to be. George is grown enough that he can rationalize with himself to not feel any type of way about it.
Truth be told, George wanted so badly to be the cool, older teammate Lewis was, but it’s clear that’s off the table when Kimi doesn’t hesitate to yap to George about any and every topic under the sun, professionalism be damned.
“You met your soulmate yet?”
George wishes he could find it in himself to be stunned at Kimi’s audacity, but he really can’t. Kimi simply is not what George is – till date George has never had the guts to bring up the soulmate topic to Lewis.
“No, not yet.” George answers calmly.
“Oh, shit, that sucks, I’m sorry. You’ll find them soon, don’t worry.”
It’s such a childish reply that it makes George laugh. It’s true, the teenage years are spent with impatience and yearning over finding your soulmate – the extremely lucky ones find them but most people only find theirs in their twenties. After you cross twenty, you sort of take it into stride and calm down, seeing how most of your fellow age-mates haven’t yet found theirs either.
“I’m not. It’ll happen when it’s meant to. Everything on its own time, you know?”
“Sure, but, I mean, I would be so frustrated and impatient if I didn’t meet mine by twenty seven. I haven’t yet found mine either, and if I could make it happen earlier, I would. Sometimes I get scared I’m one of those rare ones without a soulmate, you know, it really scares me.”
God, he’s tactless, even if his heart is in the right place. George just knows already he’s going to create some PR controversies by blurting something wrong to the journalists.
“It’s not something you can change by worrying about it. Sometimes things take time, and the best ones are always worth the wait. You should try not to think too much about it, you know what they say – your soulmate finds you not just when you are ready, but when you are both ready. Both of you need to grow into the person who is perfect for the other, there should be no rush about it.”
It’s true, and George wholeheartedly believes it. He also used to worry about the what ifs – what if he is one of the rare ones who doesn’t have one? Waiting and wanting are familiar to him, and George knows things usually happen late for him – later than everyone else. His milk teeth started falling out two years later than the normal age, his speech didn’t develop until he was sent to speech therapy, his growth spurt started when everyone else’s was ending, he got his chance at a top team years after Alex and Lando got theirs, so it makes perfect sense that he hasn’t found his soulmate even though everyone else he knows has already found theirs.
It truly doesn’t matter, he repeats to himself, he is anyways focused on his career right now. He needs to establish himself as a top driver of the grid this year, and then Toto has promised him the championship contending car for next year.
And well, if he is indeed one of the rare ones, then it’s best he doesn’t spend any more time worrying over something that will never actually happen for him. It wouldn’t be the craziest thing to happen to George, and he is fully self-sufficient in case that’s how it plays out for him, thank you very much. He’s not one of those people who will be miserable over being lonely all his life, he has trained his own mind very well to stay occupied, stay focused and positive – he’s had twenty seven years of experience with that.
“Wow, I didn’t expect you to be such a romantic, George.”
Kimi’s tone is teasing, and George gets immediately defensive.
“I’m not, I’m being logical, what’s romantic about what I said?”
“Come on, It’s kind of romantic that you think it will be worth the wait of almost three decades when you find your soulmate, and that you both will be perfect for each other, admit it. Everyone always says the opposite, how it will not all be sunshine and rainbows when you meet your soulmate, and you have to work together to make it work.”
George swallows down his discomfort at the turn this conversation has taken, Why does Kimi never know when to stop?
“Oh well,” George shrugs, “I mean, I don’t really think about it that much. Ever, actually. I was just speaking from what I have seen around me.”
Hoping that his vague answer has finally put the conversation to rest, George reaches for his water bottle. Of course, it’s never the case with Kimi.
“So you date people seriously even if they aren’t your soulmate?”
George freezes, his hand with his bottle hovering in front of his face. Kimi seems to finally notice George’s discomfort, and rushes his next words out.
“I mean, I’m just asking because you are so much more experienced, and have already gone through the situation I’m going through. Personally, I’ve experienced that my relationships just naturally get over once it’s clear we’re not soulmates, you know, both of us just seem to mutually lose interest. Of course, right now, with Josie, we know we’re not but we’ve just decided to continue seeing each other because, you know, it’s been so many changes in my life in the past year and it provides me a sort of, you know, comfort, to have something constant and familiar in my life, and with so much happening and meeting so many people all the time lately, it’s not easy to make any big decision right now. So…”
Kimi trails off, looking at George expectantly, and now George feels like he needs to give Kimi an honest answer after he just unloaded so much.
“Uh, to be very honest, I’m not seeing anyone right now. In fact, it’s been a long time since I last dated anyone, a few years actually. Its just, after the move to Mercedes, it’s – how do I say it? We have to present ourselves a certain way, you know? Can’t go around showing all of yourself to just anyone. And people you meet are all usually connected to you in a professional manner, so you want to tread carefully.”
This conversation has officially gone completely off the rails. George curses himself, why did he feel the need to be so honest? It’s not like Kimi doesn’t have people already looking out for him, George needs to go back to drawing a professional line between them. Kimi doesn’t need to know that George has basically given up on looking for his soulmate. If this conversation continues any longer, he might as well tell Kimi that he doesn’t believe anyone could truly lo-
“But then, how are you going to find them?”
“Look Kimi, it’s not something I think too deeply about. If there truly is someone out there who is mine,” there probably isn’t, “they’ll eventually find me, won’t they?” Please find me, please.
“But how are you going to know it’s them, if you don’t try to find out?”
George shrugs and keeps his mouth shut, lest he ends up blurting out something insanely pathetic.
Finding one’s soulmate is, on paper, known to be quite uncomplicated. It’s characterized by feeling a very specific, very special kind of spark when you feel them on any of your physical senses. Everyone who has felt it says that it’s like feeling butterflies or lightning or burning – everyone describes it differently, except for the fact that, you just know. When you feel it, it’s such a unique and indescribable thing that you will just know, for certain, it's them.
The complicated thing about it is that you feel it by any of the five physical senses – seeing, hearing, smelling, touching, tasting – which means by physical proximity. It also varies from person to person, through which of the senses it first manifests. Some people have said to feel the spark by just seeing their soulmate, while (most) others feel it only after reaching a level of intimacy as the first kiss.
At first, most teenagers just rush through it, kissing everyone they know and meet, impatient to find their soulmate. It's faster and more efficient. If you kiss someone and don’t feel it, then you know they’re not yours, and you can move on to the next person. Then, as they grow, most people naturally want to have a smooth, reasonable buildup of a relationship with their soulmate, and so they prefer to develop a relationship with trust, communication and build up to the intimacy stage. Some of them even choose to stay in relationships not with their soulmate temporarily. However, as they grow older, many choose to build long-term relationships, especially after turning thirty, just in case they are the ones who don’t have a soulmate.
George has made his peace with it – he always knew since childhood, since he realized how much physical affection makes him uncomfortable, that it was not going to be easy for him. That stage when everyone would ask to kiss each other to confirm if they were soulmates, it was hell for George. He would always refuse, one of the only ones to do so, and it just completely alienated him from his peers. They never took the rejection well, calling him haughty and selfish and unwanted, hurling insults that have stayed with George through the years, made a home in his brain. Not to mention the few who just refused to accept the rejection, the ones who would just kiss him against his will. George was so glad when that stage of life ended and everyone seemed to come to an unspoken agreement that straight up kissing strangers was not the right way to go about it.
He sometimes wonders if he and his soulmate missed out on each other because of George being selfish, if one of the ones he refused to kiss was his. Sometimes when George lets himself think too deeply about this soulmate topic, he almost believes it – he is the one who let his soulmate go through his very fingers, and in that case, it’s only deserved he is alone the rest of his life. He shouldn’t get the choice of searching for his soulmate now when he refused when he was given the chance. And God, it’s for the best, what with the kind of person George is, prickly, selfish, haughty, desperate, pathetic, difficult. He genuinely wouldn’t wish himself on anyone.
This is why George makes sure to schedule a session with his therapist at least once every two weeks – because these thoughts end up creeping back in if he doesn’t train his mind to stay focused on the present, especially during the off-season.
Once the races start, it’s a whole different battle. George loves it, the comfort and familiarity of how intense it is, right from the start till the very end.
This year is more exciting than the previous ones. Mercedes finally having a car strong enough to fight for podiums right from the first race. George gets on the podium in the first race, and Kimi finishes an impressive P4. George has to admit, he finally sees Toto’s vision with the teenager. George is not delusional enough to believe that the driver’s championship is within reach, the Mclaren is too strong to defeat. But seeing Kimi’s skills, he knows the two of them can work together to covet the constructor’s trophy.
With George’s newfound belief in Kimi’s abilities, their relationship takes off. It’s easy to fit in his role as senior driver to his rookie teammate, guiding and advising Kimi through his first season. Kimi has his highs and lows – finishing outside the points in Bahrain, then going on to get his first sprint pole in Miami – and George is there for him through it all. Kimi is so easy to get along with, playful when the mood needs to be lightened and serious when the situation calls for it. George can also feel Toto’s regard for him increasing as he lives up to his expectations of being the senior driver. George has a really good feeling about this year, and his partnership with Kimi.