Chapter Text
Hard wood scraped against his cheek, as Akutagawa slowly pried open his eyes. His vision was still blurry, but it's not like he could've made out much in the dark of the room in the first place.
He made no effort to move his head from where it was still resting on his desk, only blinking slowly to try and clear his head.
His office was was pitch black and the only sounds that could be heard were the ticking of the antique clock on the wall and his own heavy breathing.
Despite the sleep that had suddenly overcome him, Akutagawa still felt exhausted and the dull pain in his chest had not lessens either.
He sighed softly. His eyelids felt heavy so he let them fall shut again, not sleeping, just resting his eyes.
For how long had he been out? He should care, but he simply didn't.
The room was momentarily drenched in light as the heavy door swung open.
The siluette of a young women could be made out against the bright backdrop of the hallway lights.
Higuchi had returned.
She shut the door behind herself, shutting out the light along with it, and crossed the room to set a steaming cup of tea on Akutagawa's desk.
The fact that she had not yet made an effort to greet him could only mean that Higuchi had not noticed that Akutagawa was infact awake.
For some reason he felt content in keeping in that way for now.
His eyes rested on her figure, watching her every move as she nervously fiddled with her cellphone.
She muttered something under her breath that Akutagawa could not make out, before taking a deep breath and quickly diling a number.
Akutagawa blinked again slowly turning his head.
The phone rang once, twice, then somebody picked up.
"Who's calling?"
came a distorted voice from the phone.
Higuchi swallowed.
"This is Higuchi Ichiyo, from the Port Mafia. I have business to discuss with you."
Her voice sounded determined with a professional tone to it, but Akutagawa could feel the nervousness radiating off of the women.
"Higuchi huh? Now I remember, aren't you the little one who's with the Rabit Dog? What kind of business do you seek with me–pray tell.
If you're looking for another fight with the Agency, I'm afraid you're not in luck at the moment."
The voice from the phone had a mocking tone, their words peaking Akutagawa's interest.
The Agency? Was Higuchi talking to a member of the Armed Detective Agency? If so, what business did she have with them? He could only say for certain that Akutagawa did not recognise the voice.
But whoever was speaking seemed to know who he was.
Higuchi continued: "Indeed, I am with Mr. Akutagawa. He is actually the reason I'm calling."
Akutagawa perked up at that. He was what now? What idiocy was Higuchi plotting now?
"Oho, that so ey? How interesting. Are you sure I am the one that should be bothered with this? I can refer you to Atsushi or Dazai if you'd prefer?"
"No need. You are just the person I was looking to speak to.
It has come to my attention that ever since the temporary shutdown of the Detective Agency, you have resumed your work as a doctor. Is that correct?"
The voice on the phone huffed.
"Perhaps, what's it to you?"
The aloof tone in Higuchi's voice disappeared, softening to something awfully close to pleading.
"I am not looking for trouble. I greatly respect your work in the medical field, and I am calling to seek your aid. I ask of you that you let me bring Mr. Akutagawa to you–that you examine him.."
Akutagawa way fully stirred awake at that. What did she say?
His body ran cold with adrenaline, and he forgot all about his previous exhaustion as he pressed himself off the hardwood desk.
His blood was pumping and his heart was racing. If he was angry or scared did not matter to Akutagawa this time.
He did not hear the voice on the phone hesitantly agree, he was to focused on grabbing for his coat and immediately sending one of Rashomon's tendrils to shatter the device in Higuchi's grip.
"What stupidity has befallen you, Higuchi. I did not think you were this much of a Moron. You don't really expect me to yield to this foolish idea of yours–dragging me to the Agency's physician and begging the enemy for support! Have you lost your mind?!"
His voice was still raspy, and Akutagawa didn't manage to raise it to a volume that would satisfy his urge to berate the women, but the venom in his voice made up for that.
Higuchi flinched, dropping the shattered remains of the device as she spun around to face him.
"Mr. Akutagawa! Y-you're awake."
"Akute observation." He growled.
"Tell me Higuchi, what has possessed you to give you the idea that it is your place to go begging the Agency for help in my name?!"
Higuchi lowerd her head sheepishly.
"Sir, please hear me out on this. Doctor Yosano is an excellent healer. Her ability is truely one of a kind, if she's unable to help, then I don't know who is. Besides she's not technically part of the Agency at this moment-"
Akutagawa cut her off by using another one of Rashomon's tendrils to hurl the still steaming tea cup her way, only missing her narrowly.
"What utter nonsense! I do not require the medical attention of an Agency member! How dare you soil my name like that!-"
This time it was Akutagawa's ramble, that was cut short, as Higuchi stepped towards him slamming her hands down on his desk.
"Sir. With all due respect, stop acting so irrationally. If you don't receive help you will die! Can you not even let go of your pride to save your own life?"
Akutagawa's eyes widened. He had not expected her to fight back.
She never did.
A sudden and unexpected rush of regret filled him. He had not meant to attack her, not really.
I'm his sudden burst of panic, he had almost forgotten how shamefully grateful he was for her support.
Why did he lash out at her? Was violence really his only form of defence? What if Higuchi was right and he was really tossing away his only chance at survival to protect his fragile sence of pride?
Akutagawa wished to agree with Higuchi, to apologise to her, ask if she was alright.
But he couldn't.
It felt like something hard and cold had wound around his gut, like a snake made of steel that threatened to crush is vitals.
He was afraid, but of what?
Akutagawa couldn't ask that question, he could not face his fear, not if he was unable to admit he was scared in the first place.
No matter how much he lashed out around himself, in the end he always did choose to flee instead of fight.
So he pushed himself off his desk and stormed past his shocked assistant and out into the hallway.
He could hear the wooden door thud close behind him, and how it creaked open again mere moments after. And he could hear his hurried steps on the carpet, the blood rushing in his ears and his rapid heartbeat.
He did not register where he was walking, rushing down the halls and finding his way outside.
The expected storm had finally arrived and rain was beating down around him.
Akutagawa only came to a halt once his chest felt like it was about to explode, making him unable to draw another breath.
His vision blurred and his knees threatened to give out as Akutagawa attempted to catch his breath.
He did his best to stay upright, trying not to collapse and promptly spat up a few more handfuls of blood soaked petals.
The rain quickly washed away the remains of his blood, almost returning the petals to their former coloration.
Akutagawa watched them for a moment, mesmirized by their beauty, before a particularly heavy gust of wind blew them from his loose grip and down the street.
Dark eyes followed the white speakles in the wind, and only then did Akutagawa realise where his hurried escape had led him.
The street before him was located at the border of the Mafia's territory. Close enough to civilian life that it held plenty of little shops that weren't Mafia property.
Even with the grim atmosphere the weather brought and the lack of pedestrians, the view was still unusually domestic.
Akutagawa slowly straightened his posture, smoothing down the folds in his coat, before making his way down the street.
The windows of the storefronts cast a warm reflection onto to wet bricks. Akutagawa's eyes skimmed over the various wares and products displayed in them.
He walked past a bakery and a few different clothing stores, before his eyes landed on a familiar sight.
Akutagawa froze in his step, as he stared at the bouquet of withe flowers.
He was stood in front of a flower shop. And there under the striped canopy, in a bucket that stood close to the storefront to shild it against the storm were the same flowers he had been spitting for the last couple of days.
Big, white blossoms with curved petals that were freckled with darker spots close to the centre. Long stamen emerging from the point where the petals split and it all rested on a delicate stem that was littered in thin, pointy leafs.
"Good afternoon sir! Is everything alright?"
Akutagawa startled, ripping his eyes away from the plants and up to the person who was speaking to him. It was a women he did not recognise, fairly average looking and dressed in green overalls.
An employee of the shop, Akutagawa guesses.
"Ah, yes.." He mumbled in response.
"That's a relief! You've just been standing there, out in the rain without moveing. I was starting to wonder if something was wrong!"
She laughed softly and Akutagawa awkwardly stepped out of the rain and underneath the canopy.
"Anyway, is there anything I can help you with today?"
Akutagawa hesitated, stepping further towards the flowers.
"Well yes, I would like to enquire about these flowers."
She followed him, stopping next to him and casually leaning forward to look closer at the plants.
"These mh? You've got a good eye sir! These here are called Tiger Lilies! They're commonly found in brighter shades of orange or yellow, so finding them in white or cream is rather rare."
Akutagawa's eyes widened softly and his heart clenched, as an unknown sensation flooded his body. He wanted to throw up, or die and leave his body behind, and yet, somehow, the feeling wasn't entirely negative.
It just hurt. It hurt so bad..
"They're– Tiger Lilies you say..?" The soft tone of his own voice surprised Akutagawa.
He slowly crouched down next to the bucket, gracing his fingertips across the blossom.
A white Tiger Lily.
Of course it was.
How ignorant he had been...
"That's right! Are you looking to buy some? As a gift perhaps? I could tell you about their flowers language if you wish to hear it!"
The flower shop employee beamed at him, and Akutagawa's stomach churned again.
Did he wish to hear it?
"Yes.."
"Tiger Lilies are quite the popular flower, they have different symbolisms depending on the context. Some of them may include Mercy and Compassion, Resilience and Strength as well as bravery, and sometimes they symbolism health and healing too, thanks to their antibiotic property's.
The white coloration specifically is also associated with purity."
The flowershop employees voice was light hearted as she spoke. It felt forgein.
Mercy and Compassion. Resilience and Strength. Bravery. Health. Purity...
"Of course, that's what they symbolise.."
Akutagawa muttered under his breath.
All of them were virtues Akutagawa did not possess, he wasn't merciful, neither was he strong or brave, and he mostly definitely wasn't blessed with health or purity.
He was a soiled creature, barely deserving of being titeld a human. His failing body was almost to weak to support his own ability, he fled whenever something overwhelmed him or killed without a second thought.
No, that's not right– he used to kill without a second thought...
Akutagawa knew exactly who these properties did apply to.
He did not need for the flower to be called a Tiger Lily to accosiate it's meaning with that fool..
How cruel the Gods were, and how painfully foolish Akutagawa had been.
"Damn Jinko.." Akutagawa croaked out, voice breaking. His hands where shaking, still clutching the flower.
"Sorry?"
The flowershop employee looked at him with confusion in her eyes.
"It's nothing. I would like to buy some.."
She smiled softly again, picking the bucked up off the ground and walking inside the shop, Akutagawa following her.
"Of course! How many would you like?"
"How about five.."
"Coming right up!"
He watched her carefully pull the flowers from the bucked, plucking a few rotten leafs from their stems and wrapping them in a light blue paper, along with some random decorative weeds.
Akutagawa payed before tucking them away safely in his coat.
The storm still had yet to let up, so he called a cab to bring him back to his apartment.
________________________________________________
The vase on the kitchen table made for a violent breach in the apartments atmosphere. It's white blossoms should have blended in with the neutral colore palette of Akutagawa's apparatus, and yet they didn't.
They contrasted with the room, drawing all attention and making everything around them appear meaningless.
Akutagawa hadn't moved since he put them there, unable to avert his eyes. How could a stupid plant possible be this captivating, this magnificent?
The soft clicking of the door lock ripped him out of his trance.
"I'm home"
Akutagawa slowly turned around to face the entrance of the apartment.
"Welcome back"
His voice sounded meek. How unlike him.
"Oh Ryuunosuke, I did not expect you to be home so early"
Gin smiled softly at him, but Akutagawa could tell her subtitle confusion and concern from the way she spoke.
His sister had finished slipping of her shoes and slowly walked further into the room, towards him.
"Is something wrong, Ryuu?"
She tilted her head ever so slightly.
Akutagawa lowered his head, not daring to meet her eyes.
"It's nothing."
He knew it was useless. Gin had always been able to read him far to well. Where Akutagawa was unable to read and comprehend the emotions of other people, his sister made up for that tenfold.
She wouldn't confront him with it though, Gin knew that prying into her brothers emotions was ill advised. She had other, less comprehendable, ways of getting Akutagawa to open up.
"Those flowers are nice. What's the occasion? Someone gift them to you?"
Gin walked closer to the kitchen table, leaning down to inspect the bouquet.
"No, I bought them.."
"Did you now?"
She huffed softly.
"They're Tiger Lilies."
The words left him so easily. Even if Akutagawa had not intended to speak them. But so be it. Hiding anything from Gin was impossible afterall.
She turned back towards him and this time their eyes met. Identical pools of darkness. How could her eyes hold so much light in theirs?
"Is this about the Tiger kid then?"
Akutagawa clenched his hand, nails digging into his palms.
"Where did you get that idea from? Am I not permitted to enjoy flowers, simply because of their looks?"
It sounded forced, hat Akutagawa always been such a bad liar? It's embarrassing really.
Him sighed softly, walking back towards her brother.
"I thought the two of you might have settled some of your issues after the battle with Dostoyevsky. From what I've heard you two fought together quit well."
He scoffed, averting his gaze from hers again.
"What nonsense, I could never get along with that obnoxious moron. We're not meant to get along either way. I've only put up with him because of Dazai. And very soon, I shall end his pitiful existence!"
"Ryuunosuke."
The soft tone of Gins voice made his head snap back into her direction.
"What you're relation to Nakajima is, frankly isn't any of my business. But you know that you're not obligated to hate him, right? Not hating him won't make you worse in anyway. You don't have to be indifferent to everyone you meet.
I don't think that killing him will do you any good."
Akutagawa swallowed hard, his throat felt tight and the familiar clenching in his chest returned.
"I need to be better than him.."
His voice was pressed, it sounded pathetic.
"Do you really?"