Chapter Text
***
“Why isn’t the game working?” he muttered.
***
Ragatha was shaken awake, arms tightly gripping her shoulders. They weren’t digging into her flesh, but she still felt a jolt of fear run through her.
“M-mom? Stop, I didn't do anything…” She muttered, rubbing her eyes to try and get them to focus. She had forgotten to put her eye drops before, so they were hurting a lot more than usual.
“Ragatha, get up. It’s urgent.” It was a stressed voice, but it didn’t belong to her mother. As her vision cleared, she embarrassingly realized it was Pomni. The girl was right in front of her, looking worried as Ragatha slowly blinked. Her hair was half falling out of her ponytail, and her eyes were tired, but she still looked beautiful.
Ragatha wouldn’t be lying if she said she could stay here forever.
And why the hell would she like you?
“Listen, Caine’s gone missing and Queenie’s scared so she called the group chat and she said we have to find him right now-“ Pomni was speaking a mile a minute, much too fast for anyone in their group to comprehend.
Was I the last one to wake up??
Lazy ass.
Shut up.
“Pomni, okay. We got it. We’re going to find this fucking kid and whatever happened to him. Maybe he just wandered off.” Zooble had fire in their eyes as they spoke.
How did she get so close with Caine while all I did was freak him out?
Maybe because you are a freak. It’s the eye, girly.
“Earth to Ragatha?” It was the first time in a while that she had heard Jax say her full name in a joke. “Better stop zoning out, Raggy. Pomni’s going to kill you.” He sarcastically whispered, watching as Pomni talked rapidly to think of a plan.
Ragatha smiled. She had really missed Jax, after all.
Why are you laughing? Caine is gone.
That made the smile drop off her face.
Shoot. Right.
She ignored the emptiness that she was falling through. She knew she cared for Caine, so why weren’t any feelings coming up?
“Okay, plan made. Ragatha’s coming with me, you three go together.” Pomni gestured to each member of the group. That got Jax’s attention.
“Wait- it’s fine, let me go alone.” The man quickly said.
“But…why?” Gangle was confused.
She assumed they had gotten closer with him after he came out of the closet. Guess not.
Geez, why are people so complex?
“Won’t it be better to have three groups searching instead of two?”
No one could argue with that.
Ragatha made eye contact with Jax, and he gave her a tiny nod. She wasn’t sure why he was doing this, but he didn’t seem to want to be with the others right now.
A small part of her wished that he would come with her and Pomni, but she could understand wanting to be alone.
It’s what he deserves.
Hey. No, he’s still our friend.
Maybe then it’s what you deserve.
Ragatha gave up the fight, allowing her mind to throw berating comments at itself.
It’s hard to fight a losing battle against yourself, after all.
***
Jax collapsed into his car, suppressing a yawn. He had only gotten 2 hours of sleep last night, since he couldn’t stop thinking about his friend’s reactions. He just couldn’t understand why they were so calm.
“Mom, I…think I’m a boy.” He refused to look at his mother. That was the only good thing about long hair; it could cover his face.
“Oh…Jasmine…” she muttered, rubbing a hand over her face. Jax dreaded her next sentence. Was he about to get screamed at? Or even kicked out?
He prayed for her to be kind.
“That’s nice, I guess. I don’t know what you want me to say.” She sounded monotone.
“O-oh!” He hadn’t actually planned for her to not be angry. He was ready to pack up his bag and move in with someone else, or shield himself from any hits (though that was something his dad would do, not his mom). So now, he was making stuff up as he went.
“You’re, um, okay with it?” He snuck a glance towards her.
“Are you sure it’s not a phase?”
Those words had made his blood turn ice cold.
A phase? Why would it be a phase?
Had she known how many nights he had agonized over the hideous body he was trapped in? How many times he had prayed that he would wake up one morning with the body he actually wanted?
No. She was trying. It’s okay.
“Yeah. I’m sure.” He was confident for once in his life.
“Do you,” his mom hesitated.
His eyes finally landed on her face. She didn’t look disgusted; she looked more tired and confused. Sure, it wasn’t ideal, but it seemed like she cared. “…have another name you want to go by or something?”
A pause. “Yeah, actually.”
His mom let out a nervous laugh, breaking her robotic facade. “Sorry, I haven’t done this, ever.”
“Neither have I.” Jax grinned a little, but tried to hide it (and failed).
“Could you call me…Jamie, maybe?” He had heard that name in a book, and instantly fell in love with it.
His mom smiled, and his heart ached with love. “Sounds like a plan, Jamie. I guess we’ll have to cut your hair too, right?”
He rested his head on the steering wheel in front of him. Where did Caine go?
I’m jealous of Pomni. The idea popped into his mind before he realized what he was thinking. What the hell.
Am I jealous of Pomni?
She seemed to have everything so easy. She was naturally smart and outgoing, Ragatha and the others loved her, and she was born in the right body.
Jax groaned, shaking that train of thoughts off. Right now, he had a kid to find.
He straightened up, looking in the rearview mirror before backing up.
Caine, Caine, Caine.
If I was a traumatized kid, where would I be?
***
“Hello, yes? I need the police to come to my apartment right now. It’s apartment 57 in building 19. Someone’s broken in and taken a missing kid.”
“Why didn’t you call us sooner?”
Queenie pinched her nose bridge.
“We did, but they told us to wait.”
***
“Are you sure coming here was the best idea?!” Ragatha nervously yelled. The flashlight she was holding shook as Pomni kicked the door below her in. She had jumped down from the wall that Ragatha was currently standing on, trying to bust a way into the rotting building.
It was still dark outside as the door creaked open.
“I don’t know! We’ll never know until we check!” Pomni had dragged her to an abandoned office building. It had housed a technology company called C&A, and they were known for making virtual games.
Well, that was what Pomni told her. She had never heard of this stupid building or company ever.
Ragatha slid down the wall, scraping her arms against the bricks. They didn’t start bleeding or anything, but they hurt like hell.
Pomni clicked her flashlight off as the morning light began to filter through the windows.
“CAINE? CAINE, HEY, IT’S US!” Her voice echoed through the halls, but no one responded back.
The red haired girl beside her nervously glanced around. She wasn’t sure if this was trespassing or not, but she’d rather not get arrested for it.
“CAINE?!” Pomni shouted again. Nothing. “Should we split up and search?”
“Are you insane? Hell no!” Ragatha cried out, instinctively grabbing Pomni’s arm. Walking through this building together was already horrible; going alone was like a death wish.
The shorter woman chuckled. “Okay, okay, let’s stay together.”
They walked along, shoes crunching against the shattered glass of the windows and plants that grew through the cracks.
“Caine?” Ragatha quietly called. They both fell silent, straining their ears to try and hear anything.
“Do you hear that?” There was a faint shuffling noise, coming from somewhere down the hall. “Come on.” Pomni grabbed the redhead’s hand, pulling her closer towards the source. Her palms were sweaty, so Ragatha gripped her hand even tighter.
“Are you insane?!” She harshly whispered back, trying to stop the girl. Unfortunately, Pomni was a lot stronger than she looked. “You’re going to get us killed-”
“Shush.” Pomni put her ear against the door. The noises had stopped, leaving an eerie silence. Before Ragatha could protest, Pomni carefully walked inside the room.
A raccoon slipped past her, glaring at the two before running away.
There was silence as their eyes followed the animal’s retreating body. Then their eyes landed on each other. They both stared for a moment, before bursting into laughter.
“That’s what you were scared of! My god, Ragatha!”
“Hey, you can’t blame me for trying not to die!!”
They dissolved into giggles, leaning on each other to stay balanced. Ragatha’s mouth hurt from smiling; she couldn’t remember a time she ever felt this happy.
Pomni just loved seeing the other woman looking so bright.
Finally, their giggles resided, leaving them in a euphoric state. Their hands were holding tightly onto each other. Pomni felt like she was losing herself in Ragatha’s blue eyes; they were like the ocean and the sky, mixing together into infinity.
Woah, woah, woah. Since when have I been a poet?
Pomni moved before her brain could catch up. She tucked Ragatha’s hair behind her ear, giving her another soft smile. “I’m glad you’re here. Really freaking glad.”
Ragatha grinned, dropping her head down. “Thanks.”
“I just wanted to say that before we look for Caine again…I hate seeing you so sad.” The brunette awkwardly glanced away. Was that too random?? Maybe I shouldn’t have said that-
“I mean, I’m happy you’re honest. I probably needed that.” Ragatha dully laughed a little, smile fading. Pomni rushed to try and bring the mood up.
“Hey, okay! We’re not getting sad! Let’s go find this kid.”
Ragatha nodded softly, letting go of the woman’s hands. She felt lighter now that she knew her friend wanted her here.
What if she’s lying?
She’s Pomni; she never lies.
They both walked into the room together, bearing their flashlights like swords. If Pomni closed her eyes, she could almost pretend that she was a kid again, playing with Cayla.
“Hey!!! Is your brother the dragon?” Pomni shouted, wielding her lollipop like a weapon. They were a lot, lot younger, where Cayla’s brother was still home safe.
He was only 2 years old.
He babbled something in baby language, glancing up at the two crazy girls.
“No, I am!” Cayla dramatically flipped her long hair out of her face. “MWAHAHAHA! I HAVE KIDNAPPED THE PRINCE-“
Pomni had always cherished that memory. It was what pushed her over and made her text Cayla at the sleepover. She didn’t remember the time, but she remembered everyone snoring around her. She was half asleep when she hit send.
She was still waiting on a response.
***
“Grant, sweetie, you have to tell them what happened. Grant. I know it’s hard, but please.”
The man felt so hopeless as he stared at the police officer in front of him.
His hair was red too. Kang and Caine.
Two kids that would permanently haunt him.
He had to at least avenge one.
“When I woke up this morning, I…”
***
Gangle remembered learning how to pick a lock from watching a K-drama.
So of course, she and Zooble chose to break into their school’s library. They could get in serious trouble for this, but Caine could’ve gone back because he felt safe here. And they weren’t about to abandon a kid for school rules.
Not like Gangle could mess up her life anymore.
The library was the same grand place that they had left behind less than 12 hours ago. It felt like weeks had passed, even though it hadn’t even been a full day.
Zooble ran towards the table they sat in, glancing around. No kid.
The two silently split up, frantically running up and down aisles for any sort of a clue. Gangle checked the desks while Zooble checked the bathrooms.
It felt weird to be in a gendered bathroom again, but they ignored it.
“Why does our school have no non-gendered bathrooms?” Zooble commented to her brother. After coming out to him, for the last few weeks they had just been waiting to go home and pee.
Their brother took one look at the situation and stormed off to the principal, demanding a change.
And they had (after a long battle) listened. There was now a non-gendered bathroom right next to the gym.
Zooble really missed their brother. He had moved to Paris after college to pursue his career in culinary arts, and he didn’t get to visit a lot. They still managed to call at least once a week, though.
But it wasn’t the same.
“Anything?” Gangle wrung her hands nervously when they met up again.
“No…” Zooble muttered, sitting down at the table where they first found Caine. They could almost picture the exact scene: Gangle had looked so worried and Jax was shocked for once.
Gangle kicked her legs to try and release some pent up energy.
And she heard a dull thud.
***
“Have the kids found anything yet?”
Queenie looked at the empty group chat. The last message she had received was their haphazard plan.
“Not yet.”
***
Jax didn’t know where a traumatized kid was supposed to be. So he just drove around in his beat up car, the one which Ragatha called a Corvette. He wasn’t sure why that stupid name stuck, since the car was practically falling apart, but here he was. Speeding through a neighborhood in a ‘Corvette’.
He slowed down when he reached a crosswalk, glancing around. There were no insanely traumatized looking little kids.
He tried to drive by a children’s park as nonchalantly as possible (to not get arrested), but there was no familiar head of red hair.
“Ragatha, please tell me who hurt you.” There were tears in his eyes.
The girl shook her head, eyes full of fear.
His heart was breaking again. He barely talked to this kid, but he couldn’t imagine what Caine was going through right now.
Was he scared?
He pulled into a bakery’s park lot, sighing deeply. He blew his bangs out of his face, watching as the black strands flew up. Jax felt horrible; he was nowhere closer to finding Caine than before. And an hour had already gone by.
Jax turned onto his backseat, feeling around for his secret stash of energy drinks. His eyes kept drooping while he drove, and he’d rather not get into a car crash today.
Except, when he dug out the box from under the passenger seat, there were no familiar Monster Energy cans.
Instead, there was a white box with a bow wrapped around it. It looked like one of those fancy chocolate boxes. There was also a note tucked under the ribbon, written on a tiny piece of notebook paper.
Jax felt his stomach drop.
“Imagine becoming a freak.”
“You looked so pretty as a girl.”
“Your hips are so nice, why the hell did you become a guy?”
“You’ll never be a man.”
Guys used to give him these chocolates after he came out, just to make fun of him. They didn’t even like him as a girl or boy; they just did it to bring him down.
So how had this box gotten here?
It has to be a prank.
Why would my friends even do this to me??
Are they even my friends?…
Jax ripped the note out, quickly skimming it.
And this time, his stomach dropped for a different reason.
“Jamie - wear this if you want answers about Caine.”
“- Scratch”
***
Queenie picked up the phone instantly. She hadn’t expected Jax of all people to call, but she wasn’t complaining.
He spoke like he had just ran a marathon, quickly explaining whatever strange box he found.
“Come back to the apartment right now.” She demanded, walking outside the bedroom.
Kinger was in the kitchen, gazing dully at the countertops.
***
Pomni found something strange. There was a pristine metal door in the center of a rotting room. She carefully pushed it open, preparing herself for any wild animals ready to jump.
Instead, she was greeted by something even stranger.
“Ragatha? I found something.”
There were wires running the entire loop of the room, all tied up as if they had been connected to some mega computer or something. There was a chair too, with ripped ropes on its handle bars.
“What the hell?” Ragatha murmured as they quietly stepped into the room, careful not to trip over the cords. Pomni bent down to examine them. They looked like they had been chopped clean off whatever they had been connected to.
“These look new. You think someone’s still working on something here?” Pomni raised an eyebrow.
“Pomni, why’d we even come here? It’s not like Caine’s magically lurking through the corridors.” Even though they were having fun, Ragatha still hadn’t forgotten the real reason they came here. A kid was missing, and it was their job to find him. Exploring random buildings for no apparent reason wasn’t helping anyone.
“I know it sounds farfetched but…I saw an article about C&A using children to test their new programs. And just like, think of those markings under Caine’s eyes! This isn’t just a regular abuse case.”
Abuse. Ragatha did not like that word.
But that’s what happened to Caine.
Not her.
Never her.
“So, I thought maybe we’d find a file on Chris- Caine, or something.” Pomni quickly turned away.
Why couldn’t Cayla wake up early for once in her damn life?
Maybe she should stay asleep. They had lost her brother, after all. She had failed her old best friend. Again.
No.
We’re going to find Caine.
Two white boxes caught Pomni’s eyes. Ragatha continued to pick up wires and examine them as she leaned down.
The boxes were shiny and new. There was a sticky note on them.
“Ragatha?!” Pomni’s voice was high pitched as she scanned the paper, begging the words to change. But they stayed the same, written in smudged pen.
“Yeah-” The redhead fell silent after seeing her legal name.
“Mi-yeong and Annabelle - you want to find the kid? Wear these. ”
“- Scratch”
***
Gangle glanced under the table, only expecting to find crumpled papers and broken pencils. Instead, she found two crisp white boxes.
Zooble followed her eyes to them.
“What is happening anymore?” Gangle was exasperated as she took the boxes out. There was way too much going on for any member of the group to properly process. The Indian girl could feel herself reaching a breaking point as her nerves began to fray.
Should we even be here? Isn’t this the police’s job?!
Fuck fuck fuck-
Zooble weighed the packages with their hands.
“Hey. Gangle. Should we open them or?”
Zooble themself was freaked out too, but they tried not to show it. They watched as Gangle picked up a scrap of paper that had previously fluttered to the floor.
The girl screamed when she read it, and Zooble snatched it from her hand.
Their entire world flipped when they saw loopy letters.
“Giya and Zara - I have the kid. Wear these for answers.”
“- Scratch”
***
“Quinn?” Kinger called her.
“Mhm?” She was back in their bedroom, trying to think of what they should do.
“I think you should come here.”
Two white boxes sat innocently in front of her on their counter.
“It was fucking Headmaster Scraggs.” Kinger spat out the last word.
Queenie put her head in her hands.
She had met Scratch before. Sure, he made a few weird comments sometimes, but she had never expected this.
Torturing a kid.
God dammit.
She reached for her phone again, but the ringing doorbell distracted her.
When she opened it, all their kids stared up at her in fear.
***
Everyone crowded into the living room, each member of the group carrying a white box. It looked like a strange birthday party where everyone had just woken up and bought the same gifts. Or a funeral march, but they held packages instead of a coffin.
What are we doing?
Pomni looked at Queenie for guidance. Kinger looked like he had just cried his eyes out, so she tried to shield her eyes.
She didn’t want to admit that her teacher was a human who felt very real emotions too.
Jax unceremoniously ripped open his box. There was anger flirting across his face as the ribbon was torn to shreds.
Underneath his broken tissue paper, there was a headset.
A VR headset.
“What do we do?” Ragatha whispered. The silence was filled with tension. It was obvious that Queenie did not want to listen to Scratch, but what choice did they have?
The clock chimed 7 AM as the others carefully took out their headsets. The notes were all placed in the middle and reread.
“I…” Queenie started, then faltered. She didn’t know why they had to wear headsets, but Scratch always seemed like he was extra. “I think we have to follow the instructions.”
“No!” Kinger suddenly cried, snapping back to life. “You cannot seriously believe this motherfuc-“ He stopped when Queenie sent him a look.
His students looked scared.
Scared of him?
Do this for Kang.
It’s just one video and then the kid will come back.
But do you really trust Scratch?
What other choice do we have?!
“…fine.” He muttered, refusing to make eye contact with his students.
Pomni fiddled with the headset straps. She didn’t know why it gave her so much anxiety; she had played VR games before.
What if it’s horror?
What about that news article?
The article had to be fake. Plus, they all had each other. Scratch no one was going to come take her while they weren’t looking.
But what if someone did?
Then there was a hand on top of hers. She gazed at the familiar arm with faint lines on it.
You’re okay. Ragatha seemed to say.
Pomni took a shuddering breath, praying that Cayla would wake up and see her message. But for now, if a VR headset would bring her to her best friend’s missing brother, then she’d put it on.
“D-do we need Wi-Fi or something?” Gangle asked.
“Let’s just see what happens.” Kinger couldn’t wait any longer. He needed to find this kid right now and Scratch so he could beat his ass.
“The police are on their way too, so we’ll show them the video when we’re done.” Queenie explained, trying to keep any semblance of fear out of her voice. This was the most insane thing she had ever done, but she was not about to make her kids scared too.
That makes sense. Okay, okay, okay. Ragatha let out a breath. It was just a headset. Not some crazy, serial killer coming to chase her down. Just a metal box with wiring and a screen.
She grabbed the clunky headset and slipped it over her eyes.
***
Zara’s favorite colors were always the entire rainbow. They had rainbow colored blocks, rainbow colored pencils, and rainbow colored notebooks.
Whenever someone asked them what their favorite color was, they’d always say “all of them!”
Maybe that’s why the boys and girls at school never liked them; they never chose between blue and pink.
So when they saw bright flashing colors, they couldn’t help but be reminded of their childhood. Of the good, the bad, and the ugly. But everything had worked out after all. They met their love, made their tight knit group, and had an amazing time at college. Away from her parents.
Zooble impatiently waited for the video to start playing. But the bright lights kept flashing. They were starting to develop a headache.
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, they spawned somewhere. The tile felt cool under their feet.
Zooble looked around. They were surrounded by red and blue slides, colorful blocks, and a sky that seemed endless.
In front of them were others. A king chess piece missing its queen, a red ribbon, a contrasting joker, a purple rabbit, and a ragdoll.
Something churned in Zooble’s chest. They looked down at their hands to see mismatched pieces.
What the?
Something was very, very, wrong. The others started to panic as they reached up for their headsets. Zooble dug their nails into their plastic head, trying to yank off whatever they had trapped themselves into.
But nothing happened.
Finally, after a struggle, they gave up. The rest of the group looked at each other in silence.
And as always, Zooble was the first to speak.
“Where the actual [$@#%] are we?!”
A bright digital world stared back at them.
***
.
.
.
..
……
……..loading circus.css
………loading newplayerprotocol.js
***
Cayla remembers what she had been wearing when her brother didn't come home. It was her favorite yellow pajamas with little fishes drawn on them.
She swore off wearing yellow after that.
But green was close enough apparently; close enough to get him back.
She stared down at her friend’s text, the one that she hadn’t talked with in years. Mi-yeong had been there to watch her fall apart, and she was there to support her building up.
And then they went their separate ways for college.
She hated Mi-yeong for abandoning her in this shitty town. But that was another conversation for a different day.
1:43 AM:
Cayla - I think we might have found Chris.
Please call or text me ASAP.
Mi-yeong was always stupidly formal in her texts.
But she was always punctual about responding too, usually texting back in an hour or two.
But something changed this time.
10:02 AM:
miyeong???
wtf are you talking about
1 missed call
10:05 AM:
pick up my calls
2 missed calls
10:07 AM:
Pick up my fucking call you fucking bitch
3 missed calls
10:11 AM:
Is this ur idea of some sick prank or what
Cayla's hands were shaking as she glowered at her phone. How much had she missed of her brother’s life? Him growing up, his school art projects, his everything.
And Mi-yeong isn’t FUCKING RESPONDING!
Her phone was thrown against her wall in a flash, shattering the screen. Cayla was sobbing as she thought of her younger brother. He would always smile with so much light in his eyes too.
“Fuck you Mi-yeong! I hate you! I hope you burn in hell.”
“You’ll be there beside me too.” She’d always playfully respond.
Her eyes landed on the headset she had set up the day before. She never liked video games, but her parents always bought her stuff to try and make up for the gaping hole in her chest.
It was the weirdest packaging she had ever seen. Her parents hadn't even asked her this time if she wanted it; it just popped up on her doorstep, nicely wrapped.
She gripped the headset tightly, staring at the straps that were supposed to hold her head.
And she slipped it on angrily. Just to get away from everything, from her stupid friend not responding, from her nagging parents, from her dead missing brother.
***
.
..
…….
………loading newplayer.js
……….loading frog.css
………..loading circusmaster.js
***
“I need players.”
He tied the ribbon on the final box.
***
She woke up, later. An endless amount of time had passed.
[ ] was in a strange server, with bright colors, green colored skin, and other weird people.
She woke up without a name, a family, or any memories.
The crazy circusmaster stared down at her too. He was a pair of red dentures wearing a hat and suit.
He looks stupid.
“Ribbit. That’s your n-name.”
The voice jolted her out of her whirlwind of thoughts. He was trying to sound booming and confident, but his words were shaking.
The red and blue jester stared at her, looking haunted. That girl tried to speak, but she closed her mouth without a sound.
The frog did not care. She was more concerned for herself.
[Ribbit] didn’t know who she was. Before, after, or during the digital game.
The purple rabbit gave her a strange look when she didn’t respond to the ringmaster. He seemed to understand what they had to do.
So she went along with the plot.
“Okay.”
And they were a new family, in a strange, new, Amazing Digital Circus.