Chapter Text
For the sun loved the moon so much, he died every night just to let him breathe.
It was a quiet, calm and serene night when Alhaitham ventured to that very same hospital. The only sound being the gentle night breeze, the only source of light being the moon decorating the sky.
A full moon today. Settled in a calm sky.
But a moon is only completely full for that of nanosecond
Alhaitham hadn’t ever been one to be heavily superstitious, nor spiritual. But he had always found immense comfort in the moon. It had always been accepting of his condition, in a world where very few things could ever be.
In a world where his eyes were forever barred from access to the sun’s blinding rays… where he had to wear protective gear whenever he was in the sun’s presence to prevent a seizure…
He never had to take such precautions with the moon. The moon had always welcomed him… never asked for him for anything other than his naked eyes. All while providing just enough light for him to travel through the near pitch black surroundings with ease, the strain on his eyes barely noticeable.
The moon had never changed its appearance either. It was one of the few things that Alhaitham could see the same way as any person with color-detecting eyes. Even on the days he used his color-detecting glasses to observe the new world around him, whenever his gaze was placed upon the moon, nothing would ever be altered.
It was grey, it was still grey, it would always be grey. The shade of grey did not matter, just that they were.
Even if the world itself abandons you, I will be there for you. Even if I am only full for a nanosecond.
In the midst of his awe he felt his hand being squeezed, the owner of such a gesture trailing slightly behind him.
Kaveh’s presence was equally as grounding. If not more. But unlike Alhaitham, the atmosphere of the night had never been Kaveh’s forte.
Kaveh’s eyes could barely see anything, his night vision practically non-existent compared to Alhaitham’s. In these circumstances Kaveh was nearly completely blind, and yet, he had no fear. His hand that was connected with Alhaitham’s was all the navigation he needed. And Kaveh trusted him ardently and absolutely.
A true reversal, yet complete replication of how it was when they were younger. When Kaveh helped to guide him through a world he could only partially make sense of. Alhaitham smiled softly, while squeezing Kaveh’s hand back in response.
It wasn’t long before they arrived at the building, Alhaitham wincing a bit at the bright lights illuminating from a few of the windows.
Even in the dead of night, the hospital never acquires sleep. It is simply not a privilege it is given.
Once they enter the building the fact becomes even more clear. Although it is not as busy as it would be in the morning or noon or even evening, there are still many signs of life and work taking place. Of course there would be.
Which is why the next part is even more ironic.
It had been over a year since that fateful day. During that time period, countless numbers of humans would’ve passed in and out of this hospital. Life entered the world through this building, life had left the world the same way
But the appearance of those fatal stairs had not changed one bit. To him, the stairs still looked like a white slope, heading upwards without very little to pinpoint where one step finished and where the next began.
He couldn’t help but feel a level of annoyance and frustration at the sight. How could a hospital, of all places, lack in such an accommodation?? Or was it simply that they didn’t think it was needed?
Perhaps they thought that a blind person wouldn’t bother… or even be capable of using stairs.
…Perhaps they hadn’t even considered that someone could be sighted and blind at the same time.
Above all else… beneath the annoyance and frustration, Alhaitham felt a much stronger sense of panic. His circumstances last year flashed through his mind. The seizure, the coma, struggling to navigate these very same stairs
He hated to consider giving up, especially when he had pushed for it, but a further assessment of the situation proved that perhaps he would never be able to—
He suddenly felt his hand being squeezed tightly, the pressure jolting him from his deep thoughts.
He turned to look at Kaveh, only to see red eyes staring right back at him. Determined and focused in their nature.
“I know, Haitham. It infuriates me too.” Kaveh honed his gaze upon the stairs, glaring as if his ruby eyes could set all 50 steps alight in rage.
“It is fucking ridiculous and utterly inexcusable how a hospital of all places cannot provide you with the proper accommodations needed.” Kaveh squeezed his hand again with a softness that did not at all match his tone.
Nevertheless… The sheer anger radiating from Kaveh strangely did wonders to help soothe Alhaitham’s own nerves. Not completely, but the feeling of panic wasn’t anywhere near as intense as it had been mere minutes before. Maybe because:
You are my eyes. You have been the only light my eyes have never strained to look at.
Alhaitham felt himself smile, felt a chuckle erupt from his lips. He also felt Kaveh’s eyes on him, his expression one of confusion, but Alhaitham subsequently ignored that.
He instead walked closer towards the steps, only then taking note of something he hadn't been able to do before. Something that was so simple, but in his panic had forgot to consider
The steps were not completely white
They were never completely white
Upon each of the steps lay a faint grey shadow, covering a good portion of the steps.
Just like the steps he had practiced on… time and time again
Alhaitham thought back to a conversation he had with his grandmother around 2 decades ago. The topic of conversation being the highest points of lands within Teyvat.
“In the north west of Fontaine, lies a mountain known as ‘Mont Esus’. It’s described as one of the highest points of Teyvat that a human is able to reach by foot. Your grandfather had plans to visit and climb it. He would try to encourage me to join him, but I have always been someone who prefers my feet on the ground.” She chuckled, as she often did when sharing stories of her late husband.
“Why would someone want to climb that?”
“Oh, there are many reasons as to why. Although I prefer my feet on the ground, there are sights one can only witness at that height. And it brings a sense of achievement.”
“I see.”
“But since we are on this topic… Alhaitham, what do you think is the dangerous part of climbing any mountain?”
The answer was immediate. “Getting to the top.”
His grandmother ruffled his hair affectionately, but shook her head at his answer.
“Which is easier? For a well rested bird to open their wings and fly, or much later on - attempt to land when their wings are fatigued?”
“…The former.” He wondered where she was going with this.
“Climbing upwards is the simple part. Returning back to the ground once you have reached the top is where most accidents and fatalities happen. Your body has adapted to a higher altitude, you are much more tired.”
“Does that mean it’s not worth it?”
“Not quite.” She began. “You have to consider the choices. It is safer to stay on the ground. But… some sights can only be seen when you make the choice to take a step forward.”
Alhaitham wondered what his grandmother would think, if she were still alive today, if she knew what he was about to do now. Would she be shocked, worried?
No…Rather…
“Whatever you choose, my child, I will support you.”
“…Kaveh, I am ready.”
The blonde’s response was to simply nod, before calmly asking:
“Where is the startling point?”
“…We can only go upwards from here.”
The first step was the easiest. Alhaitham stepped forward without even thinking. Without worrying if his foot would hit solid footing, or cause him to trip.
His first step was one of confidence. He didn’t even have to analyse. It was done with perfect precision. Alhaitham breathed out, looking upwards at the white diagonal slope.
Meanwhile Kaveh held his breath as he witnessed the action. He was positioned just behind Alhaitham, arms fastened at his sides, hands twitching just in case —
He knew. He knew Alhaitham could handle the first step. Of course he knew. He also knew that even if Alhaitham couldn’t, falling from this height wouldn’t be painful, let alone fatal.
It didn’t help his anxiety. It wasn’t only Alhaitham who had been traumatised by that night.
It’s not that he didn’t trust Alhaitham on the stairs… more he didn’t trust himself to catch Alhaitham if he were to slip and fall.
Breathe, breathe
When Alhaitham took the 2nd & 3rd step, his pacing & movement were slightly less unsure than before.
Kaveh followed him, his movements silent, always and only a mere step behind.
At the 7th step, they were both halted by the sound of another pair of footsteps, the noise getting louder and louder with each step. The recipient of the noise was walking down the flight of stairs in a brisk manner, echoing against the surface.
Both Alhaitham & Kaveh scooted to the side, Alhaitham immediately wrapping a hand around the railings.
The man eventually passed the pair, making his way to the end of the stairs and exiting out of sight. But the echo of his steps remained a presence for much longer.
It must have been a minute while the pair stood in complete silence. Alhaitham did not look back once, but Kaveh's eyes stayed fixed on him, monitoring his posture. Alhaitham’s breathing was a little more shallow than before, his hand still upon the railing.
Alhaitham closed his eyes, not knowing if he was more annoyed at the stranger, or at himself. It was a public staircase, made for the general public to maneuver up and down floors. It was not supposed to be a practicing ground for learning how to walk… a task that that man was able to do so easily, so carelessly.
Alhaitham was not one to be jealous, but it was beyond frustrating to come across something that his brain couldn’t immediately solve. Climbing stairs was so easy for the majority, such a simple task.
Alhaitham wasn’t even halfway towards the first landing, and was barely a fraction to the very top of the staircase. He knew he shouldn’t compare his circumstance to others, knew it was ridiculous and unfair to himself to compare his abilities to someone who had full sight.
He wasn’t going to turn back. Turning back would signal defeat. Still… he was allowed to be annoyed.
“The Jade Chamber stairs do include a railing.” Kaveh calmly stated. Alhaitham turned to look at him. The blonde shrugged simply shrugged back, in a way that was too casual for it to be natural.
“You don’t have to perfect it.” Kaveh continued. “Or overthink it. If you fall, I will catch you. And has your stupidly annoying yet intelligent brain forgotten that your sight is not your only sense??”
“Are you even strong enough to catch me?” Alhaitham joked, although he knew the answer full well.
“Oh please. For all the muscles you like to parade around, you are surprisingly feeble. You need to eat more protein. But only I’m cooking— otherwise we’d both get food poisoning.”
Alhaitham rolled his eyes, but his smile betrayed his warmth.
Kaveh was not only his light, his eyes, but also one who could make him see sense.
He clutched onto the railing, familiarising himself with the cold, but sturdy texture. Though the sight railing disappeared up the slope, Alhaitham had no doubt that the railing would remain throughout the staircase.
He continued to climb. Still hesitant. Still taking a moment to hear, feel, sense his surroundings,
By the time he reaches the first landing, Alhaitham isn’t entirely sure how much time has passed. All he knows is that when he looked downwards, he can no longer see the beginning of the stairs.
Breathe, breathe
“How many?” How many steps? How many more steps? How many steps are left?
“We’re on step 17.” Kaveh answered. “There’s 33 steps left. We’re a 3rd of the way up.”
“How much time?” - Alhaitham wanted to enquire next, but refrained himself at the last minute. He wasn’t sure if he regretted his previous question.
Step 17, Landing 1, 33 more steps to go.
Almost a complete repeat of what he had just done, and then repeat again.
Just as he was about to figure out what direction to switch to, in order to take the next step forwards, the dreadful sound of footsteps were heard once more.
…Only this time, they were approaching from below.
Alhaitham’s night vision was better than most, but even he had limits. When he turned to look below, it was as if he was looking down from a mountain, at the foggy atmosphere below.
But he could hear the footsteps more from his left ear as opposed to his right. He quickly shifted to the right, hoping that the stranger was the type to walk in a straight line.
The pace of the steps were not as hurried as the person from before, but nevertheless — in less than a minute, the human passed by Kaveh and reached Alhaitham’s step.
Alhaitham felt the person, as opposed to hearing them, as they bumped into his shoulder.
And then the person stopped. Their legs were completely static, but their neck was craning to look straight in Alhaitham’s direction.
He was an older man, his attire that of an Akademiya scholar. If Alhaitham had his glasses, perhaps he would’ve even recognised the man.
“Alhaitham.” The man began, having clearly recognised him. And although it was difficult for him to decipher the man’s expression, he could clearly hear the disdain in his voice.
As Alhaitham tried to put a name to the voice, the man scoffed in annoyance.
“Still too arrogant to even acknowledge your prior professors. I see you haven’t changed at all.” He commented. “So much so you don’t even have the decency to make way for others trying to use the stairs for their intended use. Are you just loitering here…
“…or are you truly that blind?”
In that moment, Alhaitham felt a familiar rush of coldness flow throughout his veins. At that moment, he was taken back to his time in nursery, where no matter how hard he tried, no matter how much he stayed in the lines, he couldn’t color in correctly, the way the other kids could.
He remembered all the times his peers and professors in school regarded him as rude for ignoring them, when in reality he greatly struggled to tell the difference between faces.
And now it was happening all over again.
This was not something he was unused to. Even from someone who supposedly worked in the Akademiya. Someone who supposedly should know better than to make haste assumptions like this.
He felt Kaveh grab his wrist, likely gearing up a response to the man. But Alhaitham tapped the blonde’s hand back, signalling otherwise.
Instead:
“So what if I am blind?”
The man’s eyes widened.
“Ex— excuse me?”
“So what if I am?” Alhaitham repeated, more firmly this time.
He was not one to ever be open about his disability. Sharing his blindness was a weakness, something that could inevitably be used against him.
In his entire life, only his grandmother and Kaveh knew. Aether and Lumine knew, but only because they figured it out. His doctor knew, but only because it was necessary to monitor his health and prevent him from having seizures in the future.
He had spent his entire life hiding his disability, in a bid to try and fit into a world that he could only ever partially make sense of.
But had that same world ever accommodated him?
Has the world ever…aside from a treasured few ever taken the steps to make his life easier?
The man stared at him for a moment, his eyes then looking below, likely trying to locate the existence of a cane or perhaps even a guide dog.
“Don’t give me that nonsense boy. You are not carrying any sort of assistance—“
“I have achromatopsia.” He couldn’t help but feel anger and exhaustion simultaneously fuel through him.
“Come again? Did you make that word up just n—“
“It means I am completely colourblind. Since birth my eyes have been unable to detect colour. Surely a professor like yourself would understand that blindness is a spectrum, and that no two people who experience blindness see the exact same.”
Once again, the man remained silent, staring at Alhaitham before shaking his hand in disapproval and scoffing.
“If your eyes are truly that incompetent that using stairs poses this much of a catastrophe, then you should simply use the lift. It is there for a reason Alhaitham, stop being so arrogant.”
The man began his journey upwards whilst muttering under his breath, his steps becoming quieter as he ventured up the staircase.
Kaveh had silently watched the entire ordeal unfold. He was enraged, but for Alhaitham’s own sake held back. The man had had enough interruptions for one day.
And although he was certain Alhaitham was unable to recognise that professor, that didn’t matter, because ultimately, Kaveh would always cover Alhaitham’s blind spots
And he’d be swiftly filing a complaint to the Akademiya tomorrow morning.
For the time being, he placed one of his warm calloused hands on Alhaitham’s cheek. The touch seemed to work, immediately pulling Alhaitham out of his spiral.
Kaveh eyed the other carefully. Alhaitham’s eyes were glistening, but no tears had touched his cheek.
He chose his next words carefully.
“Don’t worry about time, love. Just keep stepping forward.” He rubbed his thumb over the other’s cheek, hoping it would soothe some of anxiety
“As long as we’re on these stairs, time does not exist.”
“…Kaveh, that’s theoretically impossible.”
“O-Of course it is, but I didn’t mean—“
Kaveh then heard the other laugh lightly, which for Alhaitham was beyond unusual. Alhaitham was one to smirk, he was one to snicker.
But this laugh, you can practically hear the smile on his face.
“I know. I know exactly what you meant, dear.”
No matter how long it takes, I’ll be there. One step at a time, every step of the way.
“I’m okay.” He reassured the blonde. He had spent his entire life being misunderstood, and it was something he would inevitably deal with for the remainder of his life.
Kaveh shook his head. “It shouldn’t be this way.”
“No.” Alhaitham agreed. “It shouldn’t.”
But he had long made peace with the fact that the world was unfair. That he lived in a world that he was only able to partially make sense of.
He may be partially blind… but there are those with full vision who still managed to see even less than he did.
And even when he did try to show them his perspective…
Alhaitham looked back up towards the flight of stairs, where the professor had travelled to.
“…He was still blind to it.”
Alhaitham’s eyes darted around - studying his surroundings in order to decipher the direction he would need to take after this landing.
After turning his direction to face a more eastern direction, he took a step forward.
And slipped—
A portion of his foot did manage to hit the surface, but not enough to establish a proper landing, making him falter.
He felt Kaveh grab his shoulders, preventing him from falling & allowing him time to use his arm to grab onto the railing.
Alhaitham’s hand clamped onto the metal, feeling immense relief but also panic. His hands were clammy, his forehand and arms were becoming damp with sweat.
How can something so simple for most be so fucking diffcu—
Kaveh tapped the back of his shoulder.
Are you okay?
He nodded wordlessly in response.
He knew in theory he could end it right here, if he asked Kaveh to take him, to carry him off these stairs — whether going up or down — the blonde would do so in a heartbeat.
But that would defeat the entire point. All the hard work he had done to get to this point would be in vain.
He looked up at the path in front of him, closer to the top than he was when he first started. But no closer to seeing it.
…And maybe that was the problem
Maybe instead…
Just maybe
“When one sense is struggling, the others will compensate.”
Alhaitham closed his eyes.
He then reached for the railing, getting a feel of the texture of the material. He moved his palm upwards, feeling the metal following suit. He used his foot to probe the step, determining where it started and where it began. He tapped the same foot upon the surface of the step, taking note of the difference in sound depending on where he made the noise. Faintly, he could smell the painting of the wall, the metallic scent of the railing, and the subtle but comforting presence of padisarahs.
Right there, right then. He made his choice.
He was going to climb the rest of these stairs with his eyes closed.