Chapter Text
Leo's Bedroom
Age 6
If Leo was going to start changing the future, then he had to start now! But there wasn't a lot he could do at 6. Leo was smart enough to know that. He flopped onto his back with Skye cuddled to his chest, chewing his lower lip. 'So, what can I do now?'
Though it made his head (and heart) hurt, Leo began thinking about the...memories he gained. (He still wasn't sure if it was the right word, but he couldn't ask Donnie.) If everyone was telling him what he was doing wrong, then he could change it. Instantly, a human with shaggy black hair was glaring down at him. "You're impulsive, you're arrogant, and you don't see that every decision you make could cost someone their life!"
Then the image warped until it was Raph standing in front of him. But older, and a lot bigger. "Dang it, Leo. Everything's not about you. How are you gonna grow up and start acting like a hero?"
"This is not about you," came the echoing voice of Splinter.
Another second of a twitching image and it was Donnie there, just how he looked earlier this morning. "You just had to try and take it like you always do with everything!"
Leo's eyes snapped open again, tears welling up once more. He scrubbed at his eyes with one arm. He had his answer now. Kinda, the first person ('CJ,' his mind whispered,) had used some words Leo didn't understand. He'd have to borrow the dictionary from Donnie later to look them up. But he knew what his family wanted.
Donnie thought Leo tried to take everything from him, and Mikey and Raph probably thought that too. So Leo would...stop doing that. The slider sniffed and nodded. 'I don't need stuff like Mikey's crayons or Raph's toys or Donnie's...everything. I don't need it. It...it's not about me.' Both Raph and Dad said so, so it had to be right. It wasn't about Leo. (Leo wasn't important.)
Raph wanted Leo to act like a hero too. But wasn't Leo already doing that? Lou Jitsu was always striking cool poses and saying cool things, and Leo was always doing that too! Except...Leo was always falling over or dropping things...and his family never acted like what he said was cool or funny. 'Maybe because it's me? ...It's probably me.' Leo rocked back and forth on his shell, drumming his fingers against Skye. So if he wasn't good enough to be a hero, maybe...he could act like someone else? Someone else who could still help heroes?
Maybe...Leo could be a sidekick...A part of him wailed at the thought of being relegated to 'sidekick', but Leo squashed it down. Sidekicks were still good, they got to help the heroes and save the day. They just...weren't the heroes. And Leo wasn't good enough to be a hero. 'Raph could be a hero. And Donnie, a science hero. Mikey too, he's the nicest.' Leo loved his brothers, and they could be the heroes, so Leo would be the best sidekick instead! He'd make sure they were safe and happy and his brothers could be the heroes! That way...Leo wouldn't mess up again, right? 'And Red Fox is cool too. Jupiter Jim couldn't save the day without her.'
Leo lifted his arms up so Skye was dangling down, looking at him from above. "You think I could be a good sidekick, Skye?" he whispered. The bear bobbed his head like he was nodding and Leo giggled a little. "Okay. I'll do it then."
The decision made, Leo sat up. If he wanted to be the best sidekick for his brothers, he could start now! Leo carefully set Skye down against his pillow, and then paused. He'd been crying a lot. His family couldn't know; they'd ask questions and Leo might blurt out something about how he'd ruin everything in the future and then they'd hate him and- Wait! His mask! Leo grabbed his mask and dragged it down, twisting it until the eye-holes were in the right spot. A quick peek in the mirror showed that the tear streaks were hidden. Maybe his eyes were a little red still, but that would go away before Raph and Dad got back!
Carefully, Leo poked his head out from behind the curtain. There was no one in the center of the lair; Donnie and Mikey were probably in their rooms. Instead, Leo's eyes were drawn to the large pile of toys and pillows lying around. 'Oh. I forgot. We were gonna play hero and villain.' But then Dad had called them over to pick their birthdays...Leo bit his lip again. He'd have to tell Donnie sorry about that. That it was okay they...weren't gonna be twins. But the manhole cover for Donnie's room was still sealed shut, so the softshell was probably still really mad. 'So, what can I do now?'
Staring at the mess on the ground, Leo's eyes lit up. He could clean up! That was easy, something he could do! Sure, cleaning was boring, but wasn't that what sidekicks did anyways? The boring stuff so the heroes could do the cool stuff? Leo darted over to the first pillow and grabbed it. He was about to throw it into the corner, only to pause. Dad was always telling them to put things back where they found them. And all his brothers, even Mikey, got mad when Leo would throw stuff randomly around and sometimes break them or lose them. Except their angry faces weren't funny anymore. Now, the thought of them made Leo's stomach twist. 'I...I can do this,' Leo thought as he forced himself to walk over to the set of boxes they stored the spare pillows in. 'I can do it right.'
So Leo went slowly. He put the spare pillows back in their designated boxes (sorted by color, how Mikey liked). He put the toy weapons they used in the corner by the weapons case in the den. He gathered up the teddy bears they were planning to use as an army (or hostages, depending on the story Raph came up with), and carried them up to Raph's room. Leo thought about jumping on Raph's bed to put the bears on the shelf, but decided not to. (He'd probably mess it up and break something. It's what he always did.) Instead, Leo set the bears down on Raph's bed. His brother could sort them later.
Sighing, Leo stepped back out and blinked at the clean room. 'I...I did it. And it didn't take that long too.' The slider smiled a little, rubbing at the spot on his chest that suddenly felt warm. He'd done it, he'd done it right, and it hadn't been hard. Maybe...maybe Leo could do this!
"Hey Leo!"
"AAAAAHHHHH!!!" Leo screamed, arms flailing as he tried to jump. But his left foot slipped as he landed, and Leo wound up falling hard on his side, banging his elbow. "Ow..."
"Leo!" Mikey's hands flew to his mouth and he rushed over. "Are you okay?"
"Y-yeah." Leo worked up a smile, even though his elbow was hurting a lot. "I'm okay."
There was the grind of metal on metal, and then Donnie poked his head out of his room. "Who-oh." He spotted Leo on the ground, glared, and then slammed the cover shut once more. Leo winced; Donnie was still mad.
"You made him really mad," Mikey said solemnly.
"Yeah..." Leo bit his lip again. He'd really thought...he'd hoped...he was so stupid. (Why had he thought Donnie would like being his twin?) "I'll tell him sorry later, when he's less mad." Mikey stared at him blankly, making Leo squirm a little. "What?"
"Did you break something?"
"Huh?" Now Leo was the one staring. "No? Why?"
"Cause you only say sorry for stuff when you broke something and want to fix it before Dad finds out." Mikey locked his hands behind his back, rocking back and forth on his toes. "And if you're saying sorry to Donnie, it's cause you broke something big." His eyes suddenly went wide. "Leo, did you break the projector!?"
"I didn't break anything!" Leo blurted out, but his mind was racing. Was Mikey right? He was probably right, right? That meant...Leo shook his head. It was just another thing to fix. He could fix it, easy. He just had to...say sorry more. (That would be easy. Leo had a lot to be sorry for.)
He was pulled out of his thoughts by Mikey poking the side of his face. "Why you wearing your mask again? I thought you were being a pirate."
"I-uh-changed my mind," Leo answered, working up a smile. It didn't come as easy as it usually did. "Pirates are cool, but ninjas are definitely coolest."
"Oh. Okay!" Mikey beamed, and Leo swallowed. If he had to say sorry a lot, maybe he'd start with Mikey. That would be the easiest.
"Hey, Mikey?" The box turtle tilted his head to the side and Leo took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. For all the times I only said sorry when I needed something. And for taking your crayons yesterday without asking, and for..." He trailed off, wanting to cry and forcing himself not to. "For not being a better brother. I'm really sorry!"
Mikey stared at him as Leo panted a little. It had been hard, saying that. But now that it was out, Leo felt a little better. Why hadn't he said sorry before? (Maybe he was just a bad brother and a bad person, but he could be better now.) Then Mikey's eyes welled up and covered his mouth with his hands. "You broke the Lou Jitsu movies, didn't you!?"
"I didn't break them, honest!" Leo's heart was in his stomach. If Mikey didn't believe he was sincere, then how would anyone else?
"We're back!" Raph called out, striding into the den with arms full of worn bags. "Dad found twenty whole dollars, so we're getting pizza tonight! With breadsticks!" He set the bags to the side to be sorted later, then turned to his brothers with a frown. "Leo, why you on the floor?"
"I-uh-" Leo scrambled to his feet, blushing. "I slipped."
"Oh." Raph nodded; Leo slipping on stuff was pretty normal. Then he took in the clean room and scowled at the blue-clad turtle. "Leo, if you made Mikey pick up all by himself-"
"I didn't clean up," Mikey volunteered before Leo had to say a word. "Leo did. I saw."
Now Raph's gaze turned questioning, and Leo fidgeted under the stare. "I...I put everything back right. I couldn't reach your high shelf though, so I put your bears on your bed."
The snapper stomped over, poked his head in his room to count the bears, and turned to look at his brothers. "...Leo, what did you break?"
"I didn't break anything!" Leo could feel tears starting to well up and hastily blinked them away. "Honest! I was just-"
"Cleaning up without anyone asking? Putting things in the right place the first time instead of throwing them everywhere?" Raph crossed his arms. "You only do that if you broke something big."
"He's told me sorry too," Mikey added as Leo sputtered. "And he said he was gonna 'pologize to Donnie too, even though Donnie is really mad at him."
Raph's expression turned panicked and he grabbed Leo's shoulders, shaking him a little. "Leo, if you really broke all the Lou Jitsu movies, Raph don't think Donnie can fix them before Dad gets back!"
"I didn't touch the Lou Jitsu movies!" Leo didn't mean to shout, but he was getting tired of being accused of something he didn't do. (Instead of all the things he did do, or would do?) "I only went into the den to put the swords back; I didn't touch anything!"
"Annoyed sigh." The three turtles jumped as their brother pushed open the cover to his room. "I was trying to read, but someone is being too loud for me to concentrate." Donnie pointedly looked at Leo, who flinched a little. "This has already been a trying day, so could you just not make it worse?"
"I...I..." Leo wanted to apologize, but the words just wouldn't come out. Not under Donnie's icy stare.
Unfortunately, Mikey decided to say the exact wrong thing. "Leo wanted to say sorry, Donnie."
"Oh?" Donnie didn't look away from Leo. "I suppose Raphala put you up to this?" Leo shook his head, eyes falling to the floor in shame. "Tired sigh. What did you break this time, Leonardo?"
"I DIDN'T BREAK ANYTHING!!!" The words came out in a pained scream. 'They're right, the memories are right, I'm a bad brother, they hate me, my family hates me, hatesmehatesmehatesmehatesme-' Mind screaming, breaths coming too fast, Leo sank to his knees, rocking back and forth.
"Wh-'s ha-ning?"
"L-o!? Ar- -ou -ka-?"
"G- -ad n-w!"
His vision was spotty black and white. His mouth felt swollen, sounds bounced against his ears, but Leo couldn't really hear anything. Everything felt like he was covered in cotton. Then a familiar softness surrounded him and he was pulled from his knees into warm arms. "Breathe, my Baby Blue. Breathe with me." The sound of his father's voice had Leo finally break, half-gasping and half-sobbing. Tears poured down his cheeks, staining his mask as he looked up into Splinter's worried eyes. Slowly, he turned to see his brothers staring at him. Mikey was crying as hard as Leo, clinging to Raph's arm as his big brother watched him worriedly. But worst of all was Donnie, staring at him with that frozen look he got when confronted with strong emotions.
"I'm sorry!" The words came tumbling out without Leo's full permission. "I'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI-" 'I'm sorry I'm a bad brother. I'm sorry I'm a bad person. I'm sorry I ruin things and break things and make you fix them for me. I'm sorry I screw up. I'm sorry I make you put up with me. I'm sorry I never say sorry enough, say how amazing you are, say the right thing, do the right thing, I'm sorry!' At that moment, even Leo didn't know who those words were for. Maybe for Donnie, maybe for his family. Maybe for the world.
Splinter gently shushed him, turning away so Leo couldn't see his brothers anymore. "It's alright, my son. It's alright." Leo didn't answer, just buried his head into his dad's shoulder. It wasn't alright. It wouldn't be alright, and Leo knew it. Not until he fixed things. (Not until he fixed himself.)
Leo's Bedroom
Late Night
His dad had put him to bed immediately, insisting that Leo needed rest. But Leo hadn't slept much, just curled up with his back against the wall and face buried in Skye's fur. He couldn't hear much, just the muffled questions from everyone about what had happened, why Leo had broken down. (Why Leo had messed up again.) Sidekicks weren't supposed to make the heroes worry. 'Can't even do that right,' Leo thought, sniffling a little.
His curtain moved a little, and to Leo's shock, it was Donnie stepping inside. He was carefully cradling a place in his hands, with a slice of pepperoni pizza and two (TWO!) breadsticks on it. Donnie carefully set the plate down next to Leo's bed and turned. He flinched, likely realizing Leo was awake. For a minute, the two turtles silently stared at each other. "...Dad said you should eat."
Leo shifted a little so his mouth wasn't covered by teddy bear fur. "Not hungry. Raph can have it." It was true; the thought of eating made Leo feel sick.
Donnie rubbed at his arms, then dropped to sit on the floor. "I...I didn't...I'm..." The rubbing started to turn to scratching, and Leo could only feel relieved that Donnie was wearing his hoodie instead of clawing at his bare arms again.
"I'm sorry, Donnie." The softshell froze as Leo lifted his head to look at his brother. "Y-you were right. Your birthday is your day. I shouldn't have tried to-" He hesitated, not wanting to cry again. That would only upset Donnie more. "We aren't twins, and that's okay. I'm really really sorry."
"That's two reallys," Donnie mumbled. "...Raph said you might have broken the Lou Jitsu movies. But I checked, and you didn't." He started rubbing at his arms again. "I...I don't understand why you are apologizing if there's nothing for me to fix."
Leo really was the worst, wasn't he? "I'm sorry about that too," he whispered. "I shouldn't just say sorry when I want something from you. I should say it cause I'm sorry." He tried to meet Donnie's eyes. "And I'm really really sorry for that too."
Donnie's rubbing began to pick up speed. "Why did you even want to share my birthday?" he snapped. Leo flinched a little, but tried not to take it personally. Donnie sometimes got mean when dealing with feelings, even when he didn't mean to. "You could've shared with Mikey or Raph if being a twin was so important and-"
"Because I think you're cool." Donnie paused mid-sentence, jaw open and gaping at Leo. The slider absently rocked Skye's arms back and forth as he talked. "You're the smart one and if you don't know something, you can learn it in five minutes and I just..." He hesitated a little before pushing himself to keep talking. "I thought if maybe we shared a birthday, if we were twins, maybe I could be a little more special sharing it with someone who's really really special."
"...But you call me nerd all the time." Donnie's voice was flat and his face was blank. He usually got like that when feelings were really strong.
Leo ducked his head a little. "I know. I won't do it anymore. I'm sorry."
"Stop apologizing." Donnie shot to his feet, grabbing the plate as he moved. "We will discuss in the morning with everyone when you aren't..." He waved a hand at Leo. "Like-like this!" He stormed off, sending the curtain fluttering more dramatically than Leo ever could.
The slider sighed and pulled the covers over his head, but just enough so that the light from outside could get through. "I did it," he whispered in Skye's ear. "I told Donnie I was sorry." Donnie hadn't said he forgave him yet, but that's fine. Leo really really really messed up, so maybe Donnie wasn't ready to forgive him yet. "I'll tell Raph sorry tomorrow too. And Dad."
Maybe Leo wasn't a hero, or even a good sidekick. But he could be better. He would be better. He knew what was wrong with him now, his eyes had been opened. So Leo would fix himself and things would be better. So much better! (His family would be proud of him, right?) Yawning, Leo pressed his face into Skye's fur and closed his eyes. A good sidekick would need his sleep. A good son would go to bed like his father wanted. And this time, Leo was going to be good.