Chapter Text
the medical bay at avengers rower smelled faintly of antiseptic. peter sat on the edge of an examination table while bruce carefully wrapped fresh bandages around his ribs.
"try not to move."
"i'm trying."
bruce gave him a look, "you've said 'ow' six times."
"i've earned those."
tony stood against the far wall with his arms folded. ben hadn't left peter's side once since they'd arrived and neither had harley. he had lingered near the doorway, hands shoved into his hoodie pocket, watching every movement bruce made.
bruce finished taping the bandage into place before stepping back, "no broken ribs."
peter let out a relieved breath.
"just bruised, extensively." bruce smiled kindly, "you'll definitely feel this tomorrow."
"i already feel it today."
"i know." bruce gathered the remaining medical supplies, "i want you to take the next few patrols off."
peter immediately opened his mouth, "no."
bruce looked at tony and tony looked at peter.
"no."
peter sighed dramatically, "does nobody here let me argue?"
tony answered without missing a beat, "we do, you just never win."
ben almost smiled and bruce gave Peter one last look.
"get some rest."
then he quietly left the room, tony following him so the two adults could speak privately outside. the door clicked shut.
for the first time all night, the room was quiet.
only peter, ben, and harley remained.
ben stood, "i'll...go grab you some water."
peter knew it was an excuse. ben was giving them a moment alone.
"thanks."
after the door closed, silence settled over the room.
harley walked over slowly. he stopped beside the bed.
for a while, neither of them spoke.
finally peter looked up.
"...i'm sorry."
harley sighed, "you've apologized a lot today."
"i mean it."
"i know."
peter picked absentmindedly at the edge of his blanket, "i scared you."
harley didn't answer because there wasn't anything to disagree with.
peter had scared him, more than he ever wanted peter to know.
"i kept hearing static." harley said quietly, "i must've called your name twenty times."
peter looked down.
"i'm sorry."
harley gently nudged peter's shoulder, "you apologized again."
peter managed a weak smile.
"...sorry."
harley laughed softly.
"better."
the smile faded almost as quickly as it came. peter stared at his bandaged hands, then took a shaky breath.
"i've been thinking."
harley immediately became suspicious, "...that's dangerous."
peter didn't smile this time.
"i don't know if...if we should keep dating."
the room fell completely silent.
harley's expression didn't change.
not at first.
he simply stared at peter, "...what?"
peter kept his eyes on the blanket, "you saw what happened. you could've gotten dragged into it. i almost got caught because you were helping me and i don't want you waiting for calls that might never come."
harley's face softened.
"oh, pete..."
peter shook his head, "i'm serious, what if next time i don't come back? what if one day tony calls you instead of-"
"no."
the word came instantly with firmness.
peter blinked and harley knelt so they were eye level.
"no."
peter tried again, "i'm trying to protect-"
"no." harley's voice wasn't angry, it was certain, "i am shutting this down right now."
peter stared at him.
harley reached over and carefully took one of peter's bandaged hands, "you don't get to make that decision by yourself."
"but-"
"you asked me something the night we started dating."
"i did?"
"you were worried i'd leave if i knew you were spider-man."
peter remembered.
"i stayed."
"i know."
"i found out the person i liked spends his nights risking his life and i watched him disappear tonight but i still stayed."
peter felt tears begin to sting his eyes and harley smiled sadly.
"peter...you keep trying to decide what's best for everyone else, but you don't get to decide what i'm willing to risk. i know exactly who i'm dating. i know the risks and i know there are going to be nights where i'm scared."
harley let out a slow breath, "i hate that, but i don't hate you."
peter's eyes dropped to the floor, "i just don't want to be the reason you're unhappy."
"listen to me." harley shook his head immediately, "you remember what i told you on the roof?"
peter nodded slowly and harley smiled.
"don't put the weight of my happiness over your shoulders."
the words settled quietly between them.
"my happiness isn't your responsibility." harley continued, "my choices are my choices and i chose you. i am still choosing you."
peter's eyes filled, "and what if i can't save everyone?"
harley answered without hesitation, "i never asked you to do that."
"what if i have bad days?"
"you will."
"what if i panic?"
"i'll sit with you."
"what if i need help?"
harley smiled warmly, "then we'll get you help."
peter laughed through the tears that had finally escaped, "you make everything sound simple."
"it isn't simple." harley chuckled and leaned forward and rested his forehead gently against peter's, "it's just worth it."
for a long moment, neither of them moved.
then peter whispered, "...i love you."
the words slipped out before he could stop them and his eyes widened immediately.
"i..."
harley blinked in surprise, then a smile slowly spread across his face, "i love you too."
peter let out a shaky laugh.
"i was actually trying to wait longer before saying that."
"i know."
"you weren't supposed to almost die first."
peter laughed again and this time, harley joined him.
a quiet knock interrupted them.
ben stepped back into the room carrying two bottles of water and he stopped just inside the doorway.
peter and harley were still sitting close together, smiling through red eyes.
ben smiled to himself. for the first time that night...
peter looked like he believed he was going to be okay.
✎ᝰ.
a week had passed since homecoming. the bruises along peter's ribs had faded from deep purple to yellow and the cuts on his hands had almost healed.
school had returned to its usual rhythm.
therapy had become part of his wednesdays.
life had moved forward.
at least...
it looked like it had.
the nightmare always started the same way.
darkness, then sirens, then blood.
peter was back inside the warehouse.
concrete crashed around him.
steel screamed overhead.
he couldn't move.
couldn't breathe.
somewhere nearby, someone was calling his name.
"peter!"
it was harley.
then it changed.
"pete!"
ben.
then another voice.
"kid!"
tony.
peter had tried to answer but othing came out.
the rubble grew heavier and his lungs burned.
he pushed.
nothing happened.
then he saw may.
standing just beyond the broken concrete, smiling sadly.
she reached toward him and peter tried to reach back.
"i've got you," he whispered desperately.
but before their hands could touch-
she disappeared.
the warehouse vanished.
peter was back in the alley.
the man he'd failed to save lay motionless at his feet.
blood spread across the pavement.
then the face changed.
it wasn't the man anymore...
it was ben.
peter stumbled backward.
"no."
the scene shifted again.
now harley lay beneath twisted metal.
not moving.
peter dropped to his knees.
"no, no, no..."
he tried to lift the debris but it wouldn't move.
harley's eyes stayed closed and peter screamed-
peter bolted upright in bed. a raw, terrified cry echoed through the apartment. his chest heaved and his breathing came in panicked gasps.
the room was dark. his sheets were tangled around his legs.
for one horrible second, he still couldn't tell what was real.
a door flew open down the hall.
"peter!"
footsteps.
fast.
ben burst into the room without knocking. he found peter sitting against the headboard, shaking so hard the mattress trembled beneath him.
"pete." ben crossed the room in two strides, "it's okay."
peter's eyes darted around the room, he couldn't seem to focus.
"look at me." ben knelt beside the bed, "peter."
slowly...peter's eyes found him, his breathing remained frantic.
"it..." his voice cracked, "it wasn't real."
"no." ben nodded gently, "it wasn't."
peter squeezed his eyes shut and his hands trembled violently.
"i thought...i thought i lost all of you."
ben's heart ached and without another word, he sat on the edge of the bed and opened his arms.
peter didn't hesitate. he practically collapsed into him.
the sobs came immediately. the kind that sounded like someone who'd been fighting for too long.
ben wrapped both arms around him with one hand resting against the back of peter's head.
"it's okay."
peter buried his face against ben's shoulder, "i hate these dreams."
"i know."
"they feel so real."
"i know."
"i can't stop them."
"i know."
for several minutes, ben simply held him. feeling peter's breathing gradually slow. feeling the shaking begin to ease.
eventually peter pulled back just enough to wipe at his eyes.
"i'm sorry."
ben smiled sadly, "kid...you've got to stop apologizing for hurting."
peter looked down, "i just feel like i should be over it."
"over what?" ben frowned.
"the nightmares, the panic...the grief." peter shrugged helplessly, "it's been months."
ben was quiet for a moment, then he gently tipped peter's chin upward.
"so?"
peter blinked.
"so?"
ben's own eyes had begun to glisten, "you loved her. you don't put a timeline on missing someone...and after everything you've been through...i don't expect you to wake up one day magically okay."
peter's lip trembled.
"i just don't want to keep worrying everybody."
"you know what worries me? when you pretend you're fine. when you come to me...when you tell me about the nightmares...when you let people help...that's not something to apologize for."
peter swallowed hard, "i've been trying."
"i know." ben's voice caught unexpectedly, "and that's exactly why i'm so proud of you."
peter frowned slightly, "proud?"
ben laughed once, wiping quickly at his own eyes, "yeah."
he had never seen his uncle cry like this. ben looked down at his hands before speaking again.
"you've had every reason in the world to give up...and somehow...you still wake up every morning, you still help people, you still laugh."
peter felt tears returning and ben shook his head in amazement.
"do you know how hard that is?"
peter couldn't answer and ben's eyes met his.
"i'm proud of the superhero, but i'm even prouder of the kid sitting in front of me because every day..." ben's voice cracked completely now, "...every single day...you choose to keep going."
a tear rolled down peter's cheek and ben reached up and brushed it away with his thumb.
"i wish may could see the young man you're becoming."
peter covered his mouth, trying to hold back another sob.
ben gently pulled him into another hug, "i think she'd be so unbelievably proud of you."
peter cried into ben's shoulder and he stayed with him until the sun began to rise, talking quietly about may, about old memories, and about happier days.
when peter finally drifted back to sleep, it wasn't because the nightmares had disappeared.
it was because he knew that if they came back-
he wouldn't have to face them alone.
✎ᝰ.
saturday mornings were becoming peter's favorite. not because he got to sleep in, he never did (spider-man had apparently signed an invisible contract agreeing to rescue pigeons from billboards before eight in the morning).
no, peter liked saturdays because they were the one day everyone seemed to slow down. especially harley.
peter stepped off the elevator into avengers tower carrying two paper bags from a bakery a few blocks away. he quietly nudged open the lab door with his shoulder.
"morning."
no response.
peter frowned, "harley?"
still nothing.
he rounded the corner and smiled, harley was asleep. curled up on the couch with a blanket half falling onto the floor, safety goggles still pushed onto his forehead from the night before, half-finished prototype sat on the coffee table.
peter laughed under his breath, "you dork."
he set the breakfast bags down as quietly as he could before carefully pulling the blanket the rest of the way over harley's shoulder and he immediately grabbed peter's wrist.
peter yelped and harley cracked one eye open.
"...caught you."
"i was trying to let you sleep."
"you called me a dork."
peter looked offended, "i whispered."
"you whisper loudly."
peter snorted, "i don't think that's how whispering works."
harley smiled sleepily.
iIt does when you have super-hearing."
"you don't have super-hearing babe."
"i have boyfriend-hearing."
peter stared, "...that's so not a thing."
"it is now."
peter rolled his eyes so dramatically harley laughed.
"you've been awake this whole time, haven't you?"
"...maybe."
"you are unbelievable."
"i've been told."
peter climbed onto the couch anyway, leaning comfortably against harley's shoulder, "i brought breakfast."
harley looked toward the bags.
"...please tell me there are cinnamon rolls."
"there might be."
harley gasped dramatically.
"you spoil me."
"i spoil the both of us."
"even better."
they ate breakfast on the couch while watching the sunrise spill across manhattan through the enormous lab windows and neither of them were in any hurry to move.
"so," harley said through a bite of pastry, "therapy this week?"
peter nodded.
"yeah."
"how'd it go?"
peter thought for a moment, "...good."
harley smiled.
"just good?"
"i actually talked."
"that's progress."
peter laughed, "i know." he looked down at his coffee, "i still don't like talking about everything."
"you don't have to like it." harley bumped his shoulder gently, "you just have to keep showing up."
peter smiled.
"my therapist said something like that."
"i'm basically a licensed professional."
peter laughed, "you absolutely are not."
"emotionally."
"definitely not emotionally."
harley clutched his chest, "rude."
peter grinned, "you walked into a glass door last month."
"i was distracted."
"by?"
"...a vending machine."
peter buried his face in harley's shoulder, laughing.
"i cannot believe i have a crush on you."
"have?" harley raised an eyebrow, "present tense?"
peter immediately froze.
"...oops."
harley's smile softened.
"i like present tense."
peter looked up, "...yeah?"
harley nodded.
"i do."
for a moment, neither of them spoke. peter simply looked at him, really looked at him.
"what?" harley asked.
peter shook his head, "nothing."
"liar."
peter smiled.
"i'm just...really glad i met you."
harley's expression softened immediately.
"i'm really glad you helped the lost new kid."
"i almost walked away."
"i know."
"you looked really confident."
"i was faking it."
peter laughed, "i figured."
harley reached over, intertwining their fingers.
"i'm glad you didn't."
peter looked down at their hands, "so am i."
the lab door suddenly slid open and tony walked in carrying a tablet.
he stopped, looked at the two teenagers sitting shoulder to shoulder on the couch, looked at their intertwined hands, then at the untouched engineering project on the table.
"...you're not engineering."
harley didn't even look up.
"we're emotionally engineering."
tony blinked.
"i hate everything about that sentence."
peter laughed.
"we're just taking a break."
tony looked at the clock.
"you've been on break for forty-three minutes."
harley looked genuinely impressed, "you timed us?"
"i have access to the security cameras."
peter pointed accusingly, "that's actually creepy."
"it's efficient."
tony turned toward the door, then paused. without looking back, he said, "...good."
peter frowned.
"good what?"
tony shrugged, "you're smiling again."
before peter could answer, tony disappeared back into the hallway and the room fell quiet.
peter looked down at his lap, then over at harley.
"i think he's getting sentimental."
harley smiled.
"don't tell him i said this...but i think he worries about you."
peter nodded.
"i know."
harley leaned his head gently against peter's, "so do i."
peter closed his eyes.
for just a little while, there were no patrols, no responsibility heavier than deciding which pastry to steal from harley's plate.
and honestly?
peter thought that was a pretty perfect saturday morning.
✎ᝰ.
years later, peter would struggle to remember the exact day everything changed. it wasn't the day he became spider-man.
change, he would eventually learn, rarely happened all at once.
it happened quietly.
one decision at a time.
one person at a time.
one ordinary day at a time.
✎ᝰ.
ben still kept a framed picture of may on the living room shelf and fresh flowers appeared beside it every sunday. sometimes peter brought them, sometimes ben did. neither of them ever asked who remembered first.
they simply smiled at her photograph and talked about their week.
the sadness never disappeared, but it stopped feeling so lonely.
therapy became less frightening, then something peter looked forward to.
not because every session was easy (most weren't), but every session taught him something he hadn't known the week before.
healing wasn't forgetting.
healing was learning how to live with what happened without letting it define every tomorrow.
spider-man never became perfect.
there were still nights he came home bruised, still rescues that kept him awake, still people he couldn't save.
every loss still hurt, he simply stopped believing every loss belonged to him.
that was a lesson that took time, and patience, and people willing to remind him when he forgot.
ned and mj remained exactly who they'd always been.
his best friends.
the kind who showed up with homework when he missed school. the kind who argued over movies until two in the morning. the kind who knew when to make jokes...
...and when to simply sit beside him in silence.
tony never stopped pretending peter was the most exhausting intern he'd ever had and peter never stopped pretending to believe him.
the truth lived somewhere in the middle, hidden beneath sarcastic comments, late-night engineering sessions, and proud smiles tony always tried to disguise.
harley stayed. that simple fact never stopped meaning something.
there were arguments, missed dates because of patrol, long nights waiting for peter to come home.
there were moments of fear.
moments when both of them wondered whether loving someone who wore a mask was worth the uncertainty and every single time...
they chose each other anyway.
✎ᝰ.
one afternoon, nearly a year after may's death, peter found himself standing in the apartment kitchen. ben was making dinner and the radio played softly in the background.
harley and mj were arguing in the living room while ned attempted to prove that cereal counted as soup.
peter laughed.
really laughed.
ben looked over from the stove and their eyes met.
neither of them said anything.
they didn't have to, because they both remembered another kitchen.
another year.
another version of peter who believed he deserved pain.
who thought happiness meant he was forgetting.
who carried the entire world on his shoulders because he didn't know he was allowed to set it down.
that boy still existed. he always would, but he wasn't alone anymore.
later that evening, peter climbed onto the apartment roof. the city stretched endlessly before him. cars moved like tiny streams of light and people hurried home.
somewhere below, someone laughed and peter looked up at the stars.
"i miss you," he whispered.
the wind carried the words away.
for a long moment, he stood in silence. then he smiled.
not because he missed may any less but because he finally understood something she had tried to teach him all along.
love doesn't end because someone is gone.
it changes.
it grows.
it lives on in the people they leave behind.
peter pulled his mask over his face and the lenses clicked into place.
his communicator buzzed.
BEN: be safe.
a second later-
HARLEY: don't forget we're getting pizza after patrol.
then another-
MJ: ned is losing an argument with your uncle
NED: I AM WINNING.
peter laughed beneath the mask and he typed one message back.
i'll be home soon.
he looked out across new york one last time, then leapt.
a web caught the night sky and the city rushed toward him.
for the first time since he had become spider-man...
peter wasn't swinging because he was running from his grief.
he was swinging toward the life he'd fought so hard to keep and somewhere, if he allowed himself to believe it, may was smiling.
he had learned the bravest thing he would ever do and he kept going.
fin