Chapter Text
“Gregory!” Hyacinth shrieked, as she stormed into the lounge and stopped right in the center, commanding attention from the few people who were still inside. “For the billionth time and last time, give me back my AirPods!”
“Hyacinth!” Gregory, who was laying on the rug entertaining some of the smaller children under his mother’s watchful eye, replied in a high-pitched mocking tone, sure to imitate his sister but sounding nothing like her. “For the billionth time and what I'm afraid won't be the last time: I.don't.have.them.”
“Don’t you think it is a coincidence that the last time I had them with me was in mum's car on the way to here, where you were also present, and that I haven't seen them since?”
“No, but I do think it's a testament to how poorly you care for your things and that Anthony should cut you off entirely.”
Not having in her to witness yet another Bridgerton row in the very short time she has been in the family country estate, Michaela makes her way quietly to the closest door as Hyacinth dashes in the direction of her brother and stands well above him, with her finger pointed and just a few centimetres from Gregory's nose.
“Fine, don't give it to me. But just so you know, I’ll find those headphones and when I do will shove them right up your—”
“Hyacinth Bridgerton!”
The voice of an enraged Violet Brigerton is the last thing Michaela hears before shutting the door. She takes a deep breath as soon as she successfully steps out onto the terrace, finally relishing a moment of silence for the first time in hours. Maybe Francesca's preference for quiet rubbed off on her with all the time they spent secluded in Scotland, but the classic Bridgerton chaos was wearing her down far easier than it did.
After enjoying a sunny June in London with Helen and Janet, Michela and Francesca decided to take Violet's everlasting standing invitation to go to Aubrey Hall in the summer. It was one of the few opportunities the entire family had to be together due to the children's summer holiday, and since the two of them hadn't been around everyone much since (finally) getting together two years prior, it was a nice chance to go family official but also so Fran could enjoy time with her nieces and nephews.
They had arrived two days ago, and Mich had enjoyed herself, remembering how they tickled her back when John and Fran first got together. Today however, the house was a hellish nightmare; it was Kiddie Pall Mall Day, a version of the game crafted for the children who long to play as well after watching their parents, uncles and aunts playing for years. Anthony was sent away to the study by his wife in a tone Michaela assumed Kate used very often with her boys and is being guarded by watchful Benedict and Simon, while she, Daphne and Colin set the field for the children. Hyacinth and Gregory were at each other's throats every chance they had, with poor Violet being able to do very little to control the hectic behaviour of her now fully grown children. Fran had been taken by Eloise to the nearby town bright and early when Michaela was still asleep, leaving her completely stranded. Phillip and Sophie were keeping the older children busy while the Pall Mall route wasn't ready.
In normal circumstances she wouldn't mind helping them out since the kids were all so sweet, but today wasn't a good day for her. Now that she was allowed to sit in solitary silence, Michaela felt unlike herself; too uncomfortable, like every nerve on her body was fried and her skin raw. It was an uncommon feeling for her but not unfamiliar — she felt just the same on those initial days when John and Francesca came back to Edinburgh with her. And again when they lost John. And again when Francesca had Michaela holding her breath if she was going to take the leap to be with her.
She just wasn't able to understand why she was feeling that way now. But Michaela didn't have time to contemplate on the matter; soon Francesca would be back from the town, and they would be summoned to the ladies-only tea Violet was hosting that afternoon. But as she prepares herself to go back to the lion's den, the old French door creaks open, revealing a mildly sweaty Colin Bridgerton, who looks as surprised to see her there as she was to see him.
“Oh, hi Mich! Didn't expect to see you here, we thought you went into town with Fran and El.”
“Just enjoying some fresh air.”
“Well, you might consider enjoying it a bit more,” he says, pointing to the door behind him. “Mum is giving Greg and Hya the dressing down of a lifetime there.”
“Now you're just threatening me with a good time.”
“You say that because you have no idea how terrifying Violet Bridgeton can be,” Colin says in a serious tone anyone ever gets to hear from him. “Ask Franny about the pool incident of ‘02; she wasn't part of it, but I’m sure she heard from the piano room every word mother shouted at Ant and Ben that day.”
“I will make sure to bring it up,” she replies in honest. “While on that note, what are you doing up here?”
“Daphne asked me to come look at the field to make sure the arches are properly placed and not too far apart for the kids.”
“Well then, I will leave you to your inspection,” she says, motioning to the door. “Fran will be back from town any minute now, so I better get going.”
“I'm sure you can spare a moment to catch up with an old friend and your brother-in-law, right?” he jokes. “I did meet you first after all.”
That remark never fails to make her laugh. “I still can't believe that coincidence. The guy I became friends with on my travels happened to be the brother of my cousin's future wife.”
“I know, right?” Colin replies, barely concealing his sarcasm. “Who would've thought the aristocracy to be such a small world.”
“And it somehow only got smaller since then,” she says, trying not to sound morbid but failing.
The longing and pain of losing John still eludes her even after all this time. It gets easier to control with the exercises her grief counsellor taught her, and it's better when she's around people who understand, like her family and Francesca. But sometimes she doesn't want to control or hide it — she wants to feel it because it means he was real and he was loved.
But Micheala still feels bad when she springs that on people, so she tries to change the subject.“Uh, how's the editing for the book going?”
With Penelope's support, Colin has decided he would be publishing his travel journals. After sending his work to what it felt like all of SoHo, Colin received a proposition from Danbury Publishing, which he was reluctant to accept. Not only was the current owner his mum's closest friend and had known him since he was a boy, but they also employed his fiance, and it made things feel all the more nepotistic. But after sitting down with Agatha and seeing that she was giving him a chance because she truly believed in the project, they decided to sign a deal on book launch and see where they go from there.
“It's coming along quite nicely actually,” he answers. “Pen is having a grand time as editor, especially since it lets her work from home, where I can spoil her rotten.”
After four years together (one of those engaged) Colin and Penelope are at the end of the second trimester of their first pregnancy. While thrilled with the idea of being a dad since the beginning, Colin has only now quieted into the whole thing. You can still see Penelope telling him off for fussing too much about her, but it seems he has finally understood that despite the precious cargo her and the baby are a lot tougher than one would think.
“A win-win situation.”
“Couldn't have come up with a better arrangement myself.”
“Well, I can wait to read what you put out, even if I was there for some of the events myself.”
“Oh, but there's tons of exclusive stuff that you were not privy to. Like the trip to the Grand Canyon,” he starts to number. “My first and only experience with ayahuasca in Colombia or the constant existential dread I faced on a daily basis.”
“Do you miss it?” she questions. “The constant travelling.”
“God no,” he says, a frown forming on his face. “I'm not saying I wasn't passionate about it or that I didn't enjoy it, but looking back now I realize I was always so tired. If not physically, then mentally, and that made the whole thing almost unbearable.”
“I find that I like the way I do things way more now. I got to keep the parts of going away that I loved, like seeing new places, learning new cultures and sharing it with people while also having what I was searching for years in all those countries,” he says softly.
When Michaela looks at Colin again, he's looking straight ahead with a tenderness that's almost unsettling. Following his line of vision, she sees Penelope, sitting in the tent set up on the bank of the estate's back garden and cradling her six month baby bump while listening to Amelia and Belinda, who are lively catching up their aunt on their afternoon shenanigans.
“Why?” he enquiries, after a beat of silence passes them. “Do you miss the bad nights of sleep and even worse company we had to keep during the day in order to play nice with our colleagues?”
She can feel herself replicating his grimace. “Christ, no. I don't even know why. There are people who would kill to live the life we lead.”
“It's the longing,” he replies. “But honestly that's not even the worst bit. The worst is to not know what you're longing for.”
It's true. They were in the most beautiful places in the world, always well-fed and dressed, surrounded by people who wanted and craved their presence and attention (for whatever reason it may be), and yet they were constantly place-hopping, looking for the next best photo or a more captivating story but never quite satisfied with what they had simply because it wasn't what their soul needed.
“But that's not the only thing about that that 's bothering you, so what is it then?”
Michaela goes quiet, still observing the field. She contemplates whether she should use her too well-known charm and take the roundabout way or be honest with the older brother of the woman she loves.
But then Michaela remembers, he isn't any older brother. It's Colin.
Colin, who was the first Bridgerton to know about Michaela's feelings for Francesca, first by assumption and then by Michaela's own confession to him on a night out where she had one whiskey sour too many and spilled the beans. The first person to give her the nudge to confess her love to Fran and one of the firsts to give them his support when they finally found their way to each other (Helen and Janet beat him to it but his congratulatory text was still very sweet).
So taking a deep breath and searching inside herself the same courage she had when telling him the truth at Mondrich’s a couple of years ago, Michaela answers.
“Sometimes it's just hard.”
“Staying in one place?”
“Staying in this place. John's place,” she says, finally looking at him. “Living this life. All of these things were meant to be John's. The title, the state, Francesca, this family.”
He doesn't look upset or weirded out with her outburst.
“This family was also yours the minute John married Fran,” Colin replies quietly. “And it would still be yours even if you weren't marrying her.”
“Marry?”
“Well, I sure hope you will make a decent woman out of my baby sister someday!”
Michaela never saw herself getting married, but ever since she's been with Fran she caught herself thinking about it constantly - them having a courthouse wedding or a ceremony at the back garden of Killmartin Castle in June, when the purple heathers are in their full bloom. Those ideas consumed Michaela so much that on a whim she bought an engagement ring. But nosy Colin didn't need to know that.
“And this is your life you're living, not John's. You don't handle the title the same way he did because you two are very different people with different visions, so even when thinking about what's best for the state, you will likely never make the same choices as he did.”
“You also fit a very different place in this family than John's,” he says softly.“I know the kids miss him dearly, but they also love their auntie Micki, who has no problem with getting a little dirty and being really loud. They wouldn't change that for anything.”
“But most importantly, you don't get the same Francesca as John.”
“What do you mean?”
“I think it would take knowing Fran before the Kilmartin clan came barging into our lives,” he teases. “But she's just not the same. And I don't mean this in a morbid way.”
Colin still remembers how hard it was to catch Francesca during summer holidays and spend time with her as kids. She rarely took part in the games mother would set up for them, preferring to stay inside and practice the piano. She would always sneak her way into movie nights, making sure to miss the chaos of picking what to watch.
When Fran got a little older, she chose to go to Kent and be with Aunt Geogie and Uncle Nick, who had all grown up children, so it was just her and the quiet of the country. She made sure to always be the last to arrive in Aubrey Hall but the first to leave, and when the time to go to university came, her pick was the furthest school away Violet allowed.
But when Francesca met John and Michaela while living in Glasgow, bit by bit that started to change. She would come home for mum's birthday and stay throughout hers and Eloise’s, since they all share the month of April. At the end of the year she made sure to stay in London for the holidays, spending Christmas at Brigerton House with the family and a quiet New Year at Stirling House with John’s and Michaela's mum. And now, coming to spend the summer holiday in Aubrey Hall for the first time in God knows how many years, playing card games with the kids after dinner, having afternoon tea with her sisters and bantering with her brothers but truly enjoying herself, no running away and no fake smiles for somebody else's sake.
“She changed when she met John. She changed when he passed. And then changed again when she fell for you. Every time becoming more and more herself, the person she was always meant to be but never got to because she would drown in the chaos and mess of our family.”
Michaela understands where Colin is coming from when she reminisces on meeting Fran for the first time; her quiet restlessness when John made their introductions. She now knows Francesca's lack of words meant something else, but she can't see the woman she knows today — her Francesca — to be so coy or evasive. She's still quiet and observant, but now she speaks her mind and allows more people to witness her quick-witted quips and perfectly timed one-liners that disarms anyone when delivered with her dry yet sweet tone. Unlike her siblings and even Michela herself, who are hot-headed and impulsive, Francesca's fire burns underneath like embers of a recently extinguished bonfire; it's there barely visible, but once met with the right conductor it can burn brighter and stronger than ever.
“You two helped her find herself, each in their own way. So I think you're exactly where you're supposed to be, and we're all so grateful and happy for that.”
She struggles to swallow the lump in her throat before answering. “Not as grateful as I am for having her. And all thanks to this crazy wonderful family of yours, who brought up that wonderful woman but gave her room to flourish unto herself.”
“I'm glad we see eye to eye on that.”
Michaela feels like the weight of ten elephants has been lifted from her shoulders. There's still some residual anxiety and guilt there (which she thinks will never go away completely,) but to now know that both their families understood and supported them thoroughly brought a peace to her heart she so rarely felt in this life.
Before either of them can say anything further, they hear a holler coming from down the field. They lean over the balcony to see Francesca and Eloise standing on the edge of the back garden, looking up at them with their hands shielding their faces from the sun.
“Are you two done with your little goss sess?” Eloise asks.
“Just catching up with a good friend for old times sake,” Colin replies, gesturing in Mich's direction.
Francesca turns to Eloise and fake-whispers,“Is this how you feel with Penelope?”
Eloise lets out a theatrical sigh, placing her hand on her sister's shoulder. “Now you know my calvary. And he's both our cross to carry.”
“Need I remind you that I'm yours to carry twice?” Colin asks, in a taunting tone that reminds Michaela a lot of Gregory earlier. “I did meet Phill before you as well.”
“Ugh, will you just come down already?” Eloise asks in a clipping tone. “Kate went to release Anthony, and Daphne asked Phill to bring out the kids, so I believe your presence is needed down here, big brother.”
“And mum's expecting us for tea.” Francesca says, cutting through her sibling’s spat.
Needing this squabble to be over as quickly as possible to finally be reunited with her girl (who she hadn’t even seen yet that day!) Michaela backs Fran up. “We will be down in a minute. In the meantime, you two get out of this scorching sun; I will see you in the informal dining room.”
“No, you will see me upstairs,” Fran said, resting her hands on her hips. “I want to show you what I bought in town first.”
As much as Michaela respected Violet and her tradition to serve tea at 4 p.m. on the dot, she could never say no to her daughter. “Then I will see you upstairs.”
Fran waives them goodbye before following Eloise, who's stomping her way into the house. Michaela watches her every move as far as the awning allows.
“God, aren't the two of you nauseating?” Colin teases but barely concealing his smile.
“Don't you have somewhere to be?”
“Yes, as do you, clearly,” he says, walking to the double French doors and holding them open for her. But before they can leave to join their respective parties and standing in the doorway, Michaela turns to Colin. “You know, Fran was right about you.”
“Oh God,” the dread in his voice amusing her.“About what?”
“You’re a pretty great big brother.”
He's so caught off guard by the statement his surprised laughter almost doesn't come out. “Well, amongst the crowd we have I try my best.”
“Well, keep up the good work then. I'm sure your little muffin in the oven will get very good use of that.” Mich says, patting him on the shoulder before crossing the double doors to at last go see Francesca that day.