Chapter Text
No matter how much better I was feeling, it would be easier to move both heaven and hell than it would be to get me willingly into Araragi’s apartment. When he first suggested it, my only response was, “It would be easier to get my corpse instead than to bring me in alive.” That was truly how I felt.
It wasn’t just being disgusted by his existence. It wasn’t just the deep-seated hatred that I had for him. It went beyond that.
I had other things I wanted to do.
Ever since Hitagi had convinced me of her ways, I’d realized that there were things like fun and joy in the world. No longer did I feel miserable in my own skin. No longer did I dread putting on my clothes in the morning. With those simple matters solved, there were so many more options for me in the world. Practicing makeup made it feel like there was an extra dimension to the world I had never known before. Femininity was a blessing that I had uncovered. It was all thanks to my dear galpal, Hitagi Senjougahara.
So, no, I was not about to be dragged into Araragi’s apartment without a fight. I had better things to do.
Not even my dear friend Hitagi could get me in there.
I had other plans. While the little shopping trip I did with Hitagi was nice enough, I still felt like my closet needed more work. As such, there was only one person I could call. That was the world’s little sister, Tsukihi Araragi. While Hitagi had been the one pushing me to put more effort into myself, I knew that Tsukihi would be better suited for helping me fix my life and my femininity.
We were going to meet at my apartment and head out. Little did I know, that devious little sister had other plans.
As soon as we were out the door, she grabbed my wrist. Now, by no means was I a weakling. I did the bare minimum to ensure I remained healthy. Still, I could tell that Tsukihi did more than that. Maybe she worked out or maybe the life of a high school was more strenuous than the life of a college student. One way or another, once she had my wrist in her grip, I couldn’t escape.
“Open the door, I got her!”
When she said that, I realized the ploy. The door to Araragi’s apartment swung open and Tsukihi dragged me in.
What was going on? It was one thing for Araragi to be pushy and another for Hitagi to take his side. For Tsukihi to do so as well? I know they’re siblings, but I had as much a right to the world’s little sister. It was still a betrayal.
Tsukihi didn’t even linger once I had been delivered to Araragi’s apartment. Araragi simply opened his wallet, handed her a 10,000 yen bill, then let her leave. She didn’t need to be a part of this at all!
“What’s wrong with you, Araragi? Why are you doing this?”
Araragi sighed and Hitagi looked troubled. They both seemed uncomfortable with the situation. Araragi tried to explain, “I can’t tell you, but it’s important. I’m sure you’ll feel better once this is all over.” It was a strange thing to say.
Tsukihi had dragged me over to the couch, so Hitagi took this as her chance to sit down with me. She grabbed my hand and looked at me deeply.
It felt like I was in the middle of an intervention, but why? I felt better than I ever had in my life. Sure, I was a little tired, but I was holding up just fine. I needed more sleep, that was all. What college student hasn’t been a little sleep deprived here or there?
Were the two of them about to invite me into their relationship? I wasn’t interested in either of them to begin with and neither was I interested in two-timing romance. Besides, surely if that was their intent, Araragi wouldn’t have also wrangled his sister into it. Unless their plans were criminal, kidnapping me made sense.
All these thoughts kept running around in my head. The situation was overwhelming. How could it not be? Hitagi kept talking about mundane things, as if she was trying to calm me down. Unfortunately for her, it only made me more concerned. At the same time, Araragi was pacing the room and mumbling something under his breath. I was like a rabbit trapped between two predators. If something didn’t change, I was going to break my spine out of stress.
No matter how much I begged or pleaded, I didn’t get any answers. At first, I was annoyed, but the longer it went on, the more that turned into straightforward concern.
Eventually, Araragi’s pacing brought him behind the couch. I tried to turn around to keep my eye on him, but Hitagi told me not to do that. Whatever it was he was doing, he would need to be able to see my neck… I guess. I still didn’t get it. Maybe he was about to strangle me to death and all of this was just a ritual my best friend and childhood friend were putting on together before my death.
Wasn’t that a strange thing to think? Shouldn’t I be thinking nicer things? Accusing my friends of attempted murder, even in my own head, wasn’t something a proper woman did.
For some reason, those thoughts were bubbling to the surface. I’d been so good and not having them lately. It was a shame for them to come back like this.
Suddenly, I felt something brush against the back of my neck. I turned around suddenly to see Araragi withdrawing his hand. So it had been him, huh? But he didn’t strangle me. Seemingly, he just tapped my neck. He seemed to be holding something small between his fingers, but I couldn’t tell what.
What a creep. I stood up to storm out of the apartment. I could barricade myself in my apartment. Every moment that I stayed in his felt like I was being boiled alive and that was only getting worse. In fact, it felt like my skin was crawling. The very clothes I was wearing felt uncomfortable. Everything felt uncomfortable.
All at once, it was like a million different kinds of discomfort were crashing onto me.
What the hell did he do to me?
Hitagi must have sensed my discomfort, because she grabbed me by the arm and dragged me out of the apartment. It was a day for getting treated like a ragdoll, I suppose.
Once we were back, Hitagi said, “You can change if you want. I’m sure those clothes are uncomfortable.”
They were, but I wasn’t sure how she had figured that out. I wasn’t sure that other clothes would feel much better, but it did feel appealing to wear a sweatshirt and sweatpants than a dress. Thus, I headed into my room and re-emerged more comfortable. I sat down, ready to demand Hitagi tell me what was going on. Instead, she beat me to it. She began an explanation that became a conversation which lasted all evening.
I don’t know how she figured those things about me that I hadn’t discovered myself. I was grateful to that sudden bout of mania for making it clear, because it seemed that’s what had tipped her off. Of course, part of this was an apology on her behalf, for the things she had said during that group study session. If she had known, she kept claiming, she wouldn’t have said anything.
It was a lot to take in. Perhaps if it had happened more gradually and I had been able to figure this out on my own, I might have been more comfortable with it. As it was, I knew I would need some time for the revelation to settle in. Still, it felt right. The fact that it felt right created an odd feeling within me, but that didn’t discredit it.
Is this how other trans people felt when they learned? I doubt it, unless close friends kidnapping others was unusually more common than I had been led to believe.
Eventually, Hitagi bid farewell. She would be staying the night with her boyfriend, so she had a long walk left to go. That left me alone with my own thoughts, but for the first time in a while, that didn’t seem so bad.