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“Showtime starts in 20 minutes!” a stagehand cried. After a few moments, he repeated himself. “20 minutes until showtime.”
In the back of the changing room, Koyomi groaned. He was only halfway done getting dressed, which meant he had to rush. And that was to say nothing about his makeup… The only comfort he had was that he wasn’t alone.
Next to him, Sodachi also sat, outfit only halfway on. It was easier for him, at least, since his outfit was less complex and his makeup little more than stage basics. His hesitation was of a different nature. He was trepidatious where Koyomi was nervous.
The only member of their group that seemed in any way eager for the show was Suruga. She had no need to get dressed, because she showed up at the studio in her outfit. All she had needed to do was put on her makeup, which had only taken a few minutes. With no other responsibilities, she was busy chatting with a blonde idol on the other side of the room.
Hitagi was busy with a phone call, but when she finished, she approached Koyomi and Sodachi. When she saw the state of their outfits, she groaned. Then she turned towards one of the other groups. “Tsukihi,” she asked, “Can you help with your brother’s makeup?”
Tsukihi had been chatting with one of her fellow idols, a mousey girl with brown hair. When Hitagi called out to her, she turned, then got up. “Sure thing!” she giggled.
Hitagi started pulling on Koyomi, trying to get him to his feet. Once he was standing, she pulled up his dress. Koyomi let out a resigned sigh, then began putting it on with her help. If he had any hope of getting dressed in time, it was with her help, and he wasn’t about to go on stage with an improper outfit, so he had to.
The second he sat down again, Tsukihi attacked him with makeup brushes. Since Hitagi didn’t need to worry about him anymore, she turned her focus to Sodachi.
Sodachi diverted his gaze from Hitagi to avoid making eye contact.
“Come on. It won’t be that bad.”
Sodachi bit his lip, then shrugged. He started putting on his shirt, but as he did, he groaned, “You’re not the one who has to go on stage being labeled a crossdressing idol.”
Hitagi rolled her eyes. “We can talk about the label later. Maybe we can retool it. But for now, you’ve got to get out on stage.” After a moment, she started murmuring to herself. “We already have a crossdressing boy and a crossdressing girl, so maybe…” Sodachi glared at Hitagi, but the effect didn’t take, so he just kept getting dressed.
20 minutes later, everyone was huddled just out of sight of the camera. The show’s host was running through the introduction. There were no first-timers on this show, so everyone knew the drill. Instead, there was an air of excitement or nervousness.
Eventually, the host called out, “First up is Laura!”
The blonde girl from earlier stepped forward. Once she was in view of the camera, she began preening as she waved to the audience. She bowed, then continued waving.
The host laughed. “Where are your sisters?”
“You know how they are,” Laura giggled. “I’m sure they’ll make an appearance later, but they’re running late.”
“It seems like your family is never on time. It must be genetic.” The crowd laughed along with his not-quite-joke.
“It’s the damndest thing, isn’t it?” Once the words left Laura’s mouth, she quickly covered it with her hands, knowing she wasn’t supposed to say that. The audience laughed once more, finding amusement in a girl her age talking like that.
“I suppose it is. Well, why don't we get on with the song. Laura?”
Laura nodded, then gave a sign to someone off camera. They tapped away at a computer until music began to play. Laura nodded, waited for her cue, then began to sing.
Sodachi wasn't impressed. Laura and her sisters were the kind of idols that could coast on good looks and blonde hair. Sure, [placeholder] had the crossdressing gimmick, but Sodachi still prided himself on putting out music that he felt was worthwhile. If he wanted to put out disposable trash in sonic form, he would just go join AKB48. Sure, Laura could sing, but she wasn't anything special and the backing track didn't do anything to complement her. The product she created was something that nobody should be proud of, which was ironic, considering her brazen attitude. Laura was the kind of person that Sodachi couldn't stand.
Her sisters weren't much better.
A few minutes later, Laura was done. After some more small talk with the host, she and her agent quickly scurried off. They made for a strange duo, not the least because Laura's agent wasn't much older than her. They were always rushing to places, which was ironic for how often she and her sisters were late.
Next up was [placeholder]. Suruga hurried onto the stage, while Hitagi had to push Sodachi and Koyomi forward. Once he was on camera, Sodachi faked a smile and waved to the audience.
When Suruga had walked out, there was a raucous cheer. Koyomi also provoked a lot of excitement. The two of them were the main idols of their informal group. Sodachi, on the other hand, was the ugly duckling. He was the odd one out, even before he came out as trans. The audience could tell there was something strange about him. Awkward, unseemly, and strange.
Sodachi would have beem better off staying in the closet. That’s how he felt. That way, he could continue playing the role of the boyish girl. With his husky voice, if he kept his hair short, he could play androgynous roles.
It had been Hitagi’s idea to come out in the first place. Her suggestion was that by coming out, Sodachi could be an icon to queer idol fans. She figured that the news could draw fans who would otherwise not have known about her. It couldn’t hurt his CD sales. Sodachi hadn’t been convinced. After all, he was the one with firsthand experience with transphobia.
Well, in the end, Hitagi had been correct. It didn’t hurt Sodachi’s CD sales. It also didn’t help them. Sales didn’t change. Sodachi gained a lot of online followers, but that didn’t mean much, especially when a lot of them were foreigners. He appreciated the support, but online followers weren’t going to pay his bills. They weren’t going to cheer when he stepped on stage during a TV broadcast.
The announcer ran through their introduction, but Sodachi was hardly paying attention. He responded when asked questions, and since his media training was strong, it didn’t come across as fake. Still, his heart wasn’t into it. He felt a bit better when the song started, because he could focus on that.
One song after another. Sodachi, Suruga, then Koyomi. Since he was first, that meant Sodachi had to wait on stage while the other two sang. While he would have had to wait either way, he preferred to go last. That way, he could leave as soon as his song was over. Still, once Koyomi was done, Sodachi hurried off the stage.
He couldn’t go back to the changing room just yet. It was common courtesy to stay behind to watch everyone else’s performances. Unless you were a certain blonde brat, that’s just what you did. It wasn’t even a matter of real support. In an industry full of backstabbing, it showed that you were willing to play along with things. It showed you didn’t have too much of an ego to not respect.
Sodachi could at least take off his binder and relax a bit. Most everyone here already knew him well, so he didn’t have to stress too much about interaction. Besides, now that he was done, he could enjoy catering. He hadn’t eaten yet that day, so it was greatly appreciated.
Several more groups came up on stage. Sodachi was familiar with them, but they weren’t close. They never talked. Their relationship was only a little above that of coworkers. The music they made was fine, but nothing significant. Sodachi often ended up on sets with them, once a month on average. It wasn’t a lot, but it was enough to build up a relationship over the course of years.
There were some idols she was friendlier with, though. Some of them were in the penultimate spot for the show. That came with prestige.
In fact, she had been talking with them earlier in the evening.
Nadeko and Tsukihi stepped onto the stage and were met with wild cheers. Their popularity was absurd to Sodachi, especially considering they were still only children. High schoolers, as Tsukihi liked to insist, but still children.
Sodachi always felt awkward on TV shows like this. He wasn’t suited for smalltalk. Maybe that meant he wasn’t suited to be an idol, but in his mind, he was a singer and dancer first and foremost. Personality should be a secondary element.
Nadeko and Tsukihi clearly felt otherwise. While Sodachi could recognize a lot of familiar things in Nadeko, as a pair, the two took to TV like a fish to water. Their banter was light, but enjoyable. Tsukihi seemed to have a supernatural sense for timing, since she always cut things off before they ran over their time. It was spectacular.
Sodachi did often find himself wondering about their play-flirting, though. Sodachi was no stranger to that kind of thing. When he was younger, skeevy producers had pushed that material onto Sodachi and his fellow idols. However, if Nadeko and Tsukihi were being pushed into this, they showed no signs of it. In fact, Sodachi often wondered if they weren’t flirting for real. If it was an act, it was an act they kept up behind the scenes.
Not that it was his business either way. Act or not, it worked. That’s what mattered. Even if they didn’t think of it that way.
Once those two were done, it was time for the last idol of the show. With how much she overshadowed everyone else, she very well might have been the last idol ever.
Tsubasa Hanekawa was one of a kind.
She was the only idol on the show who didn’t have a manager or an agent. Not only that, she self-produced her own music and wrote her own lyrics. Any one of those things would be remarkable on its own; she did all of them. Normally, someone like her should have been relegated to releasing her music on YouTube and performing shows that attracted a single digit number of fans. Instead, she was the industry’s rising star. She had gotten signed to a major label entirely off her own skills and effort.
Her music was good, too.
This was the other reason why everyone stuck around afterwards. Nobody, even her fellow idols, wanted to miss a Tsubasa Hanekawa performance.
They were lucky to even be in the same room as her. A national treasure like that deserved to be preserved for future generations.
Once the show was finally over, Sodachi breathed a sigh of relief. Nearby, Koyomi did the same. They fled back to the changing room, where they could return to their street clothes. Sodachi knew that Koyomi was eager to wipe off his makeup. He would be too, in that situation.
It had been a long day, but it was done. Sodachi was ready to get home and be alone. Once he was home, he could turn off the stage persona and decompress. He was ready to fall asleep for a week.
Not that he had that option. Tomorrow was a TV interview. The day after was a fan meet and greet event and a live. The day after that, he had to shoot promo videos for the new CD. Forget sleeping for a week, he might not be able to sleep for another week.