Chapter Text
It had been a few months since the start of his exposure therapy. The first month was the hardest. It took so much for such short moments of contact, it made Grace feel pathetic.
But Simon was so sweet and patient that it helped to encourage him to push himself.
There were plenty of breakdowns in the beginning but overtime Grace grew more and more comfortable with touch. It helped that it was Simon guiding him as well. Having someone you want to touch definitely helps.
But now he can comfortably have contact for several minutes without wanting to run and hide in a hole. His longest time being 17 minutes when they had watched a movie and he had moved so their knees were touching. Simon had flooded him with praise after, another thing that Grace was getting used to.
Simon made sure that he knew how much progress he had made, celebrating every tiny win like they had just won the lottery.
Grace grew to love it and in turn, him.
That had been a tough realization he came to about 2 months in. It had caused him to take a few steps back in his healing process, but it didn’t take long to get back to where he was, thanks to Simon.
But now he finds himself in a bit of a pickle. He finds himself craving for a touch he had loved back on Earth. One that would be much more involved as well as close to his neck, a spot he still had a lot of trouble with.
He craved having someone play with his hair. His girlfriend when they had been together did it all the time and it always felt so soothing. And now here he was craving it, but unsure how to ask for it.
It was kind of an intimate thing, at least for him, but he wanted to feel it again, if only one more time. He wasn’t even sure he could handle it but he wanted to try, like he always did.
He walked slowly into the living room where Simon was watching another documentary on the couch, sitting cross-legged and leaning against the arm. He moved to where he was standing next to him, fidgeting his hands nervously.
He opened and closed his mouth, trying to figure out how to ask for this craving. Simon silently paused the tv and looked up at him with a gentle and careful gaze.
“What’s on your mind?”
Grace rocked back and forth on his heels, looking everywhere but at Simon.
“I- I uh…” He trailed off, feeling heat rush to his face.
Simon turned more so he could look at him directly, legs coming out from under him, feet settling on the floor. “Want to work on it?”
Grace nodded, not trusting his voice.
Simon hummed, tilting his head. “Alright, what do you want to do? You’re in control.”
The last line always helped to ease his nerves. A gentle reminder that yes, he was indeed in control. If he found himself unable to continue, all he had to do was tell him to stop, or tap twice if he couldn’t speak.
He nodded, taking a deep breath before stepping around the couch so he was directly in front of Simon. He tried to ask but again found it impossible to ask for it. He frowned, frustrated at himself. Simon noticed.
“Ryland.” He shivered at his first name. Simon only ever used it when he was serious and needed him to listen. He looked him in the eyes, resisting the urge to run. “Remember, you are in control. If you can’t do it right now that’s okay.”
He sighed, closing his eyes. “I know. I just… I don’t know how to ask.” He confessed.
“Take your time.”
Damn okay. Yeah that was hot. Oh boy. He could do this. Simon believed in him.
He gave up trying to verbally ask him, settling on showing. He crouched down between his knees until he was sitting on his heels. Simon watched him, confused as Grace reached out and took hold of his hand.
Grace could touch his hand forever, it was so warm and his touch was always so gentle, it never failed to make him feel safe. With the grounding warmth pushing him to continue, he pulled so his hand rested on top of his head, and guided him to run his fingers through his hair.
He sighed as that itch had finally been scratched. And oh, how good it felt.
“You want me to play with your hair?” Simon asked, always careful to make sure he understood completely what the man asked for.
“Please.” It came out a whisper but it was all he needed. Simon obliged and continued to glide his hand through his hair, blunt nails lightly scratching his scalp a little.
His eyes fluttered shut as he hummed in satisfaction, leaning forward till his head rested on Simon’s knee, hands lightly placed on his ankles.
There were so many points of contact, and usually he would already be at his limit, but the fingers in his hair helped kept him grounded. He felt lighter, like a weight was lifted off his shoulders. He was safe and he was comfortable.
“So glad I asked…” He mumbled into his knee, smiling when he heard Simon chuckle softly.
“And here I thought it was because you just didn’t want to touch me.” He said it so quietly Grace almost missed it. Almost.
He lifted his head enough to look up at him confused.
Simon didn’t stop his movement but looked away. “Sorry I shouldn’t have said anything.” Grace squeezed his ankle, encouraging him to continue. He sucked in a breath, looking back at Grace. “I just… well I had assumed you were avoiding touching me because of, well all my scars and mutations.”
Grace froze, wide eyed. He was an idiot. A complete and total idiot. He had never once considered how Simon would have taken his distance to mean. He had just assumed he had been able to keep his distance subtle.
He grabbed his wrist and leaned back so he could really look at Simon.
“I know now that wasn’t the case.“ He defended. “It’s okay-”
“It’s not okay.” Grace interjected, catching him by surprise. He sighed as he glanced down and began rubbing circles into his hand, silently noting how much he actually liked doing it. “I’m sorry. I should have just told you from the start. I know you know, but it was never because of your mutations or looks. Believe me, it could never be about that, you’re handsome as hell, like so much it’s actually unfair. I just had a lot on my mind but I took that out on you, and somehow despite that, you still helped me, which I will always be grateful for.”
He was rambling; he knew that, but he needed Simon to understand. He glanced back up to find him wide eyed and flushed. Grace stopped his mindless ministrations and let go of his hand, no longer having any contact, and he was surprised to find he felt cold.
“Simon?” He croaked out. Crap what had he said?? He was rambling for half of it and he can’t remember.
“... You think I’m handsome?" Simon managed after a moment. Grace stilled, realizing now what he had said. His mouth dropped open as he burned. He tried to save what little dignity he had left by hiding his face in his hands.
“Oh my god. I am so sorry, that just slipped out- I mean it’s true but still- I’m sorry. Cheese and crackers just kill me now.” He groaned. He couldn't handle it. He stood up to escape this disaster only to be cut off by Simon.
“Ryland.”
He just stood there, back to him, afraid to look him in the eyes.
“Ryland.”
He dug his grave, he may as well lay in it. He finally turned around, revealing the tears that had begun to trickle down his face. Simon slowly reached out a hand, face edged with worry at the sight of the tear faced man.
Grace took the lifeline, thankful for that grounding warmth again, it was beginning to feel intoxicating. He let himself be led so he was now sitting next to Simon on the couch, facing him, Simon turning so they were face to face.
Grace squeezed his hand, unsure of what to say.
“You are too, you know. Unfairly handsome.” Grace’s eyes darted to Simon’s, who was looking at him with what almost looked like love. Grace almost choked, fully processing what he had just heard.
Simon gave him that annoyingly sweet and gentle smile that never failed at making him melt.
“Can I… Can I kiss you?” He sounded so nervous. It would have been adorable if Grace hadn’t completely overheated at his words.
Grace stuttered, face somehow even hotter than before.
“You- what- with me??” The room felt like it had tilted as he tried to kickstart his brain.
“You can say no. You are in control.”
There it was, those 4 words. Those words that had saved him from himself time and time again, that grounded him when he drifted elsewhere. The words spoken by the man, that despite how he had been avoided, chosen to help him. Had been so patient and understanding, making his healing process as smooth as it could be.
And despite his problems and quirks, Simon wanted this. Him. And Grace wanted the same.
He squeezed his hand and nodded, pulling his hand up to his face, giving him permission to hold him.
Simon cupped his cheek gently, of course, and leaned forward. Grace met him in the middle as their lips met in a soft chaste kiss. Grace lingered, savoring his soft lips on his. It felt so good, that rising fear, nowhere to be seen as he let himself melt.
He felt Simon smile against his lips, unable to keep himself from doing the same. He pulled back first, resting his forehead on Simon’s as he sighed happily.
“Thank you.” He blurted, Simon huffing in amusement.
“For kissing you?” Grace could practically hear the smirk.
“No- well yes- but no. I mean-” He took a breath. “For helping me and being patient with me. I know I am a lot, and I still have a long way to go, but I really want this. You make me feel the safest I’ve ever felt in a long time. So, thank you.” He leaned back and disconnected their hands, the touch starting to get overwhelming.
Simon gave him his space as he smiled.
“I want it to, if you’ll have me.”
Grace smiled wide, looking him directly in the eyes.
“Always.”