Chapter Text
Luffy can’t even really pinpoint the exact moment when their relationship changed. When it went from crewmates to friendship to romance. Because truth be told their relationship was always extreme. It started off extreme. Luffy basically dangled freedom in front of Zoro. Only agreeing to free him after the latter agreed to join his crew. Zoro, who was hungry and sleep deprived and on the verge of getting attacked by marines, did end up agreeing to the trade. Zoro pledged his loyalty in exchange for Luffy freeing him from the ropes. In retrospect not the start to a typical romance.
Luffy probably should have freed him first then offered him a spot on his crew. Have it so Zoro only options weren’t literally join him or die a painful death. Maybe give Zoro an actual choice and not just the illusion of one. But Luffy was, and is, selfish. Luffy wanted Zoro from the start. Wanted him on his crew. Wanted him to join. Wanted to make sure he’d say yes. So Luffy asked while Zoro was still tied up. Dangled freedom in front of a man that was about to die a violent death. Gave the illusion of choice. Luffy was selfish. Luffy got what he wanted.
But maybe Luffy did go about it the wrong way. Maybe Luffy could have been more altruistic. Less selfish. Maybe Zoro would have still said yes, if Luffy freed him first, helped him escape regardless. Asked once Zoro was fully healed and rested and not have death looming over him. Maybe Luffy being too selfish in the beginning set the wrong tone for their relationship. Maybe Luffy just messed things up from the start. Unintentionally planted some resentment into the foundation of their relationship. Maybe Luffy just deserves to be punished. To be given a false illusion of choice too. To be given a false sense of control.
Because Luffy does have choices. Luffy is choosing this. Luffy not protesting, not fighting back. Luffy not saying “no.” Even when his arm is getting twisted more and more. Even when he feels a hand, (Zoro hand, Zoro hand is doing this to him) grab more of his hair, push his face more into the mattress. Luffy still has a choice. Luffy is being given a choice.
Luffy can easily push Zoro off. Can easily pull his arm out of Zoro grasp if he wanted too. Luffy stronger than Zoro. It’s a fact. Zoro even readily admits it. Luffy is strong. Luffy is the Captain. Luffy chose Zoro. Luffy has choices. Luffy is not the victim in this, there’s no victims in this scenario. Luffy choosing this as much as Zoro is. As much as Zoro is choosing to be the one twisting Luffy arm and pushing Luffy face down. As much as Zoro is choosing to dig his nails more and more into Luffy arm. They’re both choosing this.
And maybe it’s selfish for Zoro to choose these things. Maybe it’s selfish and mean for Zoro to choose to ignore the tears. Choose to ignore how Luffy not enjoying this. That the only one getting off to this is Zoro. Maybe it’s selfish and mean and wrong. But Luffy was selfish first. Luffy set the tone of their relationship. Luffy was selfish first and has been selfish throughout. Luffy always asks a lot from Zoro. Zoro gives alot to Luffy. Sacrifices a lot for Luffy. Was willing to give up his dream, his ambition for Luffy. Zoro done more for Luffy than anyone ever has. Zoro deserves to be selfish. To be mean. To not focus on Luffy for once and just himself. Luffy was selfish in the beginning, it’s only fair for Zoro to get to be selfish too.
And it’s harder to breathe. It’s harder to hold back the tears. Luffy has to move his head around till his cheek pressed up against the mattress so he can breathe better. And it really does hurt Zoro being this selfish. But Luffy been selfish from the beginning so it’s only fair. Luffy can’t complain. Luffy always been selfish. Zoro should get to be selfish too.
Luffy reminds himself of this because his arm is really hurting. And there’s definitely blood now from nails and biting. And there’s a lot of pain. And it hurts somewhere deep that Zoro can still be enjoying this. Seeing Luffy crying. Hearing the “stop” in Luffy crying. But Luffy was selfish, too. Luffy saw Zoro tied up, starved, threatened with execution and still didn’t free him till Zoro agreed to join him. Luffy was selfish and mean first. Luffy planted selfishness into the very foundation of their relationship. Luffy has always been selfish.
And Luffy still has choices. Luffy can push Zoro off if he really wanted too. Can say “stop” louder. Keep repeating it till Zoro actually listens. Luffy can tell Zoro it’s really hurting. Zoro would stop if he knew. Zoro would stop because Zoro loves him. Even though Luffy is selfish Zoro still loves him. Zoro is loyal and self-sacrificing. Zoro bowed down to Mihawk in order to get stronger for him. Zoro offered his head to Kuma for him. Zoro has been selfless throughout their relationship. He’s allowed moments to be selfish. To focus on his needs.
Luffy tries to ignore the pain in his arm. The way his neck is hurting from the angle it’s being pushed into the pillow. That his crying is making it hard to see. Which is probably for the best. Because Zoro doesn’t look like Zoro when he gets like this. There’s no warmth in Zoro eyes. There’s no smile on his face. Luffy doesn’t really want to see Zoro looking so mean anyways. It’s for the best. Luffy has options to choose from. He can push Zoro off or just endure this. Luffy has a choice like Zoro had a choice. Zoro being selfish and mean like how Luffy was selfish and mean. Luffy has a choice. Luffy is in control.
Chopper is used to seeing Luffy hurt. It comes with the role of being the crew's doctor. It comes with the territory of Luffy being King of Pirates. Luffy will get injured, very badly injured sometimes. Chopper heals him. Chopper fixes him and patches him up. Chopper chastises him for being reckless and not knowing when to avoid a fight. Luffy just laughs and plays off his injuries. Acts like they don’t hurt, even when he’s actively bleeding from an open wound. Luffy will smile and act like he’s not in pain. Will want Chopper to focus on the others before him. “I’m fine Chopper, go check on the others.” Was a common thing for Luffy to say to him after any battle. And Chopper response is usually the same. Chopper says he’s the doctor of the crew he decides who gets to be treated first. That Luffy needs to listen to him and actually rest and take his injuries seriously. And sometimes there’s tears on Chopper's end. Sometimes there’s threats of getting Nami to make Luffy listen.
The conversation between Luffy and Chopper when it comes to injuries can be boiled down to that Luffy says he’s not in pain and Chopper will insist he must be. Chopper has bandaged and healed Luffy when he was barely clinging to life. And through tears Chopper will cry to Luffy about needing to slow down, not take his pain so lightly, to listen when his body telling him to slow down, to rest, to just stop moving and lay down. Chopper is always the one with tears while Luffy tries to pretend he’s fine. Luffy will laugh and say he just needs food to feel better. Luffy downplays and ignores the reality of his injuries. Chopper cries and stomps his feet. Shouts at Luffy to take his injury seriously and insists it’s a big deal.
That’s the way it’s been for so long. It’s a routine at this point. It’s a set script. Chopper is the crier and worrier. Luffy the ignorer and the laugher. And it’s so routine. So fixed. It’s unnerving when the roles switch.
Because now Chopper the ignorer and Luffy the crier. Chopper the one ignoring the reality of the injury. Chopper the one who’s ignoring the obvious truth of the injury. The way Luffy got the injury Chopper currently trying to patch up. And its not the worst injury Chopper dealt with in a purely medical sense. The injury to Luffy arm will heal. It probably will stop being sore by the end of the week. The wound was not that deep, medically speaking. What’s concerning, what’s worrying is how the injury occurred. What Chopper is purposely avoiding asking Luffy is how his arm got injured. There was no battle. No fight. Luffy didn’t try ransacking the fridge and got caught in one of Sanji traps again. Luffy wasn’t careless and accidentally fell overboard.
Chopper knows how the injury didn’t occur. Knows it wasn’t caused by the usual ways Luffy gotten injured. And the more Chopper treats the injury the more apparent it becomes. Chopper been a doctor for years. He can tell how people got themselves hurt. Can tell how old a bruise is by its coloring. The more Chopper bandages up Luffy arm, the more the ugly truth stares back at him. The more he slowly realizes how Luffy got the injury on his arm.
And Chopper is now the one ignoring the truth. Ignoring the reality, the severity of the situation. Because Chopper can treat any injury. He has to when he’s the doctor on this crew. He can treat broken bones and blood loss and sicknesses and many other things. But Chopper cannot treat, cannot fix the cause of the injury. The why of the injury. Chopper can barely comprehend the injury. It shouldn’t have happened. Luffy shouldn’t have the injury on his arm. There was no fight or battle. No trap he got himself stuck in. Luffy shouldn’t be injured. Luffy is on The Sunny. Luffy is surrounded by his crew, his nakama. Luffy is safe and loved and protected with his crew. And that’s how Luffy should feel at the moment, safe and loved. Luffy shouldn’t be in the infirmary. Shouldn’t be having his arm bandaged. Shouldn’t be crying and covering his face with his remaining good hand. Chopper the one who always cries about injuries not Luffy.
And Chopper doesn’t like this role reversal. Doesn’t like that he’s the one downplaying Luffy’s injury. That he’s telling Luffy the injury wasn’t that bad, there wasn’t that much blood. That the bruise will heal soon so it’s not a big deal. Chopper doesn’t like the words coming out of his mouth. But the lies keep slipping out. And Chopper keeps saying it’s not a big deal. And Luffy the one who’s crying and getting more upset. And Chopper really hates how their roles have changed.
Chopper finishes bandaging up Luffy arm. And Luffy still on the bed which is another strange thing. Usually Chopper barely finished dressing a wound before Luffy already trying to get up and run around. As if already on the hunt for more ways to cause chaos. And it’s awkward because Chopper not used to Luffy just being still for so long. Not used to see Luffy crying from an injury. Luffy will cry when being told no to extra servings of sweets but not from an injury. And Luffy still in the infirmary bed now just staring at his arm. And Chopper is unnerved by the silence. By the uncomfortable truth. Luffy knows that Chopper knows how he got injured. Which makes Chopper feel more ashamed about his comments downplaying the injury.
Chopper doesn’t know what to say. This is a heavy and uncomfortable situation. Honestly, Chopper would usually go straight to Zoro for most situations that were too hard for him to deal with. Obviously, Zoro was out of the question for this though. And Chopper can’t help but think if he tried and told Sanji there’d be a lot of anger which wouldn’t help Luffy feel better. And would make Chopper feel worse too, which is a selfish thought to have. Chopper going through mentally all his beloved nakama and trying to guess how’d they handle this. And none have good reactions. To be fair, Chopper can admit he’s not handling this good either.
And Chopper can’t figure out what the right step to do is. This situation was never in any medical book he read. He never imagined he’d have to deal with this. Honestly, Chopper just wants to go to bed and forget tonight. Hopes Luffy won’t ask him to check on this specific injury again. Which makes Chopper feel ashamed and undeserving of being called nakama.
“I’m ok Chopper, it wasn’t- it doesn’t hurt anymore.” And the lie out of Luffy mouth is said so unconvincingly. So forced. It’s so obviously untrue. Chopper feels even more guilty about all his earlier comments. Of downplaying the injury. Chopper feels himself tear up and his chest tightening. Feels like he let Luffy down in a big way. Feels like he just made a big mistake, like he broke something very valuable. Like he did a bad thing.
And the roles are finally switched back. Luffy now pretending everything ok. Chopper is the one back to crying. Luffy the one having to comfort Chopper. Which just makes Chopper cry harder. Luffy is the one who got hurt. Yet Chopper the one who’s crying. Chopper, who’s suppose to be the doctor and treat all injuries and help his nakama heal, is the one getting comforted. Getting told it’ll be ok and not to worry. Which makes Chopper hug Luffy tighter and cry harder.
“Luffy, can you stay here tonight?” Chopper chokes out through the tears. The infirmary is where healing happens. Where rest happens. It’s where Chopper makes his nakama feel better. It’s his safety. His anchor. Chopper just wants Luffy to feel better.
“Can you please?” Chopper asks again this time with his face buried into Luffy chest. And Chopper feels a bit better when he feels Luffy hug him tighter. Feels Luffy stroke the fur on top of his head.
“Ok, Chopper.”
And Luffy is impulsive. Actions come first and the thinking comes later. Luffy lets his body control his moves. In fights it’s less about plans and more about doing what feels right in the moment. Luffy rarely thinks far in advance what consequences his actions might have. His body is detached from his mind at times. It does its own thing.
And that translates to other areas besides fighting. Luffy goes overboard with affection. Hugging too tight, not just Zoro but the rest of the crew as well. Luffy forgets in the moment at times his crew mates aren’t rubber like him. Sometimes jumping from too high of heights to land on someone’s unsuspecting back. Not realizing a normal person knees would buckle and stumble forward. When he wraps his arms around his crew, his nakama, to carry them along as he flings himself head first to the next location. Too impatient to walk, Luffy forgets in the moment his crew would get serious whiplash. Luffy has, many times, unintentionally hurt his crew. Not out of malice but just plain forgetfulness. It’s closer to clumsiness then meanness. And his crew forgives him. They’ll grumble and swat at him but they always forgive him. Nami sometimes takes longer to forgive him, and swears at him more, but she forgives him too in the end. It’s always an accident. Accidents are blameless after all.
Luffy is impulsive and so it makes sense Zoro is too. Zoro spends so much time with Luffy, it makes sense for him to adopt some of Luffy mannerisms. So sometimes Zoro gets too impulsive in the moment too and listens to his body more than he should. And so sometimes Zoro accidentally, it’s always an accident it’s never intentional, hurts Luffy too.
Zoro is passionate and strong. Zoro is just like Luffy and doesn’t think before his body moves sometimes. Zoro doesn’t think he’s hurting Luffy when he gets too worked up. Zoro not thinking about wanting to hurt Luffy even though Luffy on the floor of the shower. Zoro can’t tell Luffy crying because the water from the shower still running and is mixing with the tears. Zoro not stopping because he’s not hearing Luffy cries. It’s getting muffled by the water running and Zoro hand on his throat. Zoro is loyal and passionate and Luffy knows this. Luffy knows Zoro loves him so deeply. And sometimes love just gets a persons body too worked up. Luffy knows this. Luffy understands this.
Luffy reminds himself of this every time Zoro gets too worked up. Luffy is currently reminding himself of this as Zoro is still on top of him. Still holding him down. Still not seeing the tears or hearing the cries. Zoro still too worked up to notice the small details. Zoro is just like Luffy. Zoro body has a mind of its own at times.
And it’s the water that’s making things worse. The water constantly hitting him from above that’s making Luffy feel more panicky. Feel more afraid. And it’s nonsense. It’s irrational. There’s no reason to panic or be afraid. Zoro here with him. Zoro would never hurt him. Zoro is loyal and loving and the best first-mate. The water is just making Luffy head hurt. Messing with his emotions. Making him feel things he shouldn’t. Luffy should never feel afraid of Zoro.
It’s just the water messing with his head. The water that’s freezing now. The water that feels like needles poking him over and over again. Luffy head is just hurting. Luffy head is still being held down against the bathroom floor.
And Luffy tries to think of Zoro and his loyalty. All the times Zoro risked his life for Luffy. How Zoro was willing to give up his dream for Luffy life. Zoro did all this for Luffy. It doesn’t make sense for Luffy to be afraid of Zoro. It’s irrational, it’s nonsense.
The water still running. Still hitting Luffy. Still messing with his mind. Making him think things he shouldn’t. About how Zoro holding his neck too tight. Pressing it against the floor too hard. Everything feels worse because of the water. And Zoro is passionate and impulsive. Zoro isn’t aware of his own body at times. Zoro moves without thinking at times too. Zoro is just like Luffy.
And Luffy feels the water coming from above. And its too harsh. It’s too cold. It’s making him feel more panicky and stressed out. Which is weird. It’s wrong. He’s safe there’s no reason to panic. There’s no reason for stress, he’s here with Zoro. Zoro always protects him. There’s no reason to panic. It’s just because of the water raining down on him. It’s messing with his head. Making everything hurt more.
He’s safe. He’s fine. Everything ok. Zoro is with him. Nothing bad is happening to him. Zoro is with him and everything is fine. Zoro body just has a mind of its own sometimes. Zoro acts without thinking sometimes. Zoro is impulsive and brash and just like Luffy. Zoro still on top of him. Hovering over him. Zoro seems so much taller when Luffy looking up at him from the floor. And it’s kind of romantic how the water rolls off Zoro. How Zoro body acts like an umbrella, shielding water away from Luffy. That Zoro always seems to want to protect Luffy. Even when he gets like this, too impulsive and too worked up, Luffy still knows Zoro loves him.
And it’s because of Luffy insistence that Zoro even with him in the shower. Luffy hates showering alone. His arms get tired too easily to rinse himself good. To scrub out all the dirt from his hair. Zoro only started joining him because Luffy insisted on it. And Zoro usually is good at scrubbing all the dirt out of his hair without getting soap in his eyes. Zoro lets Luffy lean against him when he gets too tired of standing and makes sure the water is a nice temperature. Zoro dries him off good and carries him back to their room; it’s the Captains room technically. Showers are usually a nicer experience. Tonight's experience is just an outlier. A one-off. An accident. Accidents are blameless.
And Luffy head is hurting from the water and its hard to tell how long he’s been on the floor. It can’t be that long though. Zoro would never be hurting him this long, even accidentally. It feels like a long time but it can’t be that long. And after what feels like a really long time Luffy getting lifted off the shower floor. Zoro helping Luffy lean against the wall. Helping scrub his hair and clean his face and wash his whole body. Zoro helps him dry off and the towels seem extra soft. And it feels really nice when Zoro carries him back to their room. Luffy body still sore but it’s more the waters fault that Zoro’s. Zoro is loyal and caring and the perfect first-mate.
Luffy body so tired it’s easy to fall asleep. It’s always easy to sleep when Zoro next to him. And Luffy last thoughts before he dreams is about how soft the towel felt and how nice it felt getting his hair scrubbed.