Chapter Text
Jule: happy new year 🎉🎆
Kai: it’s like 6pm here, but thanks
Jule: you’re so in the past
Jule: move on
Kai smiled. He could almost picture Jule, already a little drunk, watching fireworks, arm slung around a friend, drink in hand, moving along to whatever song was playing.
He wished he could be there.
Instead, he still had a few hours to kill before going out himself. So he decided to get a workout in, then shower and get ready.
His outfit for the night was all black, wide jeans, a sheer tight mesh top, silver jewelry catching the light whenever he moved. The bar they were going to was high above the city, all glass walls and a view on the skyline, the kind of place that made you feel rich and poor at the same time.
By the time they neared midnight, the space had filled completely.
Partners, strangers, and everything in between leaned into one another, clinging close like the world might vanish if they let go. Kai stood with his friends, drink in hand, ready to toast.
But as the final seconds of the year slipped away, his gaze drifted past the crowd to the skyline, to the same moon and the same stars shining over someone who wasn’t here. And he couldn’t help it, he wished he was holding a certain blonde. Close enough to hear him laugh over the noise, close enough to feel his breath on his skin, close enough to—
The countdown hit zero.
Cheers erupted around him, glasses clinked, and people melted into kisses. Kai smiled, hugging his friends and letting himself be carried by the moment.
But a few minutes later, he slipped his phone out of his pocket.
Kai: happy new year jule 💫
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Jule was sitting at the table with Jannis, halfway through dinner, discussing vague plans for the weekend, when his phone suddenly rang.
Kai's donkey profile picture lit up the screen.
Jule frowned. Usually, they planned their calls to some degree, or at least sent each other a quick heads-up.
Still, he picked up immediately.
“Kai?”
He immediately noticed that something was wrong. Kai’s breathing came through the speaker, fast and uneven, almost frantic.
“Jule,” Kai responded, voice breaking.
Jule was already on his feet. He gestured briefly to Jannis that he needed to step away for a moment and left the kitchen.
“Hey, what’s going on? Are you okay?” His voice softened automatically. “Where are you? Are you hurt?”
It took a moment before Kai could answer, his breaths catching.
“I’m at work. It’s just—” He cut himself off, a strained sound coming trough the speakers. “It’s really stressful right now, and I—”
“Hey, it’s okay. Try to breathe,” Jule said, trying to keep his voice as steady and calm as possible. “Slow and steady.”
Jule deliberately breathed loudly and evenly into the phone, giving Kai a rhythm to follow. Nearly a minute passed before Kai spoke again.
“There’s this event. Or, like, multiple events kinda. And I’m just messing everything up.” His voice cracked. “I’m so tired, and I just want to go home, but I can’t. I'm scared, everyone's going to be mad at me. They’ll see how bad I am, and I’ll lose my job.”
“Kai,” Jule said gently, “I know it feels like that right now, but it’s probably not as bad as it seems.”
“But it is,” Kai insisted. “There was this guy, he looked at me and went, oh, you look different in pictures. And then he just kind of… looked me up and down and he looked so disgusted.”
Something sharp flared in Jule’s chest. How could someone treat Kai like that? Kai, who was so kind and gentle, with such a sweet soul.
“That’s not okay.”
"No, it's..." Kai sighed shakily. "In the situation, it made sense."
Jule had to bite back the first response that came to mind, which was mostly a string of curses.
“No, it doesn’t,” he said instead, more controlled. “I don’t care what you think you looked like, or what the situation was. No one gets to talk to you like that.”
Kai made a small dismissive sound.
Jule wanted to argue, wanted to tell him how wrong he was, but he knew that was probably the last thing Kai needed right now.
Instead, he took a slow breath, forcing himself to stay calm.
“Is there anything I can do?” he asked.
There was a pause.
Then, almost too quietly to hear, Kai whispered, "Can you just talk to me? About anything. I don't care. I just want to hear your voice."
It sounded so sincere that Jule didn't even have to think about it. Even if he had wanted to deny him, he wouldn’t have been able to.
“Yeah,” he said immediately. “Of course.”
So he talked.
He told Kai about his day, about the new recipe he'd tried that evening, about Jannis nearly setting the kitchen towel on fire, about anything that came to mind. His own words faded into the background as all he really focused on was the gradual slowing of Kai's breathing.
After a while, Jule could hear someone call for him in the background.
“I have to go,” Kai said quietly. “Thank you. Really. Thank you so much.”
Before Jule could answer, the line went dead.
He stared at his phone for a few long seconds before slipping it back into his pocket and returning to the table. Jannis said something, but it barely registered. His mind was still elsewhere. It wasn't the first time Jule had noticed that Kai was struggling with whatever was going on at work, but never like this. He had sounded frighteningly close to a panic attack.
And beneath the concern, something else lingered.
Anger.
Kai was already deeply self-conscious, and his looks were one of the things he worried about most. Always careful to never show his face when they were calling, always keeping parts of himself hidden, and every now and then, little comments would slip out that revealed how deeply he believed he wasn't good enough. And now someone had managed to make him feel like that was true.
Jule clenched his jaw slightly.
Whoever that had been, they didn’t know anything.
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This time, Tessa couldn’t accompany him to the fashion weeks outside of New York.
And New York had already been bad enough.
Calling Jule had helped in the moment, but, fuck, Kai had been embarrassed afterwards. He’d texted later to apologize for bothering him, but Jule had just told him he could call anytime, that it wasn’t a problem and that Kai should take care of himself.
On the long flight to London, Kai had nothing to do but think.
It had been sitting at the back of his mind for a while now, but there was no ignoring it anymore. It probably wasn’t normal how much Jule’s voice calmed him down, how he’d been the only person Kai could think of in that moment and how important the blonde had become to him.
By the time the plane began its descent, Kai had to admit to himself that his feelings for Jule were more than just a crush that would fade away. None of his crushes had ever lasted this long, felt this intense, or kept growing like this.
What he felt, it felt a lot like falling in love.
Having the busiest weeks of work without any help, and dealing with the realisation that he was falling for a guy he had never even seen in person, made for an all-around terrible time. By the time he was in Milan, he seriously considered just flying home. New York or Germany, it wouldn’t even matter. Just away from here.
He sat in some backstage area, waiting for someone to tell him which clothes on the rack were meant for him, his whole body shaking with a mix of stress, anxiety, and fatigue. He had no idea how he was supposed to do his job normally when he felt like he could barely stand.
It would have been easier if he could just stop thinking about Jule for five minutes. Calling Jule wasn’t an option, he didn’t want to bother him again. And in his current state, there was a very real risk he might say too much.
Someone crouched down in front of him.
Kai looked up.
A girl, her hair already styled and her makeup perfectly done, sat beside him, still wrapped in a robe, just like him, and rested a hand on his shoulder.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
“Yeah, it’s just…” He let out a shaky breath. “You know, stress and no sleep. And I’m in love with a guy who doesn’t even know who I am.”
“Oh.”
She blinked, clearly not expecting that.
“I’m sorry,” she said after a second. Then, more gently, “Do you want to come with us? We’re about to get ready.”
She gestured toward a small group off to the side.
Kai nodded and let himself be pulled up.
He was so tired, he followed them without really thinking. Only when they slipped into a small bathroom did something feel off.
He opened his mouth to ask, what they were doing here, when someone pulled out a small bag of white powder.
Kai froze. Fuck, that was really not his world. He should leave. That would be the smart thing to do. But the thought slipped away almost as quickly as it came.
He was exhausted, falling apart and barely holding it together. And this looked like a solution. Maybe this was like a divine sign or something like that.
The others passed the bag around, each putting a small amount onto the back of their hands. Someone held it out to him. Kai hesitated for a fraction of a second, then accepted it with a shaky smile and did the same.
“Everyone good?” one of the guys asked.
A few people nodded, while others answered with a quick, "Yeah."
“Alright, then, let’s go.”
They leaned down, and Kai followed.
It burned horribly, his eyes watered instantly, his nose stinging as he blinked rapidly, trying not to react too much.
Someone next to him laughed, someone else cheered. Kai barely registered either of them, too focused on keeping himself from crying or sneezing.
Back in the dressing area, they were finally assigned their outfits. As Kai got changed, he could feel something shifting.
His heart was still racing, but not like before. The exhaustion that had nearly driven him to tears was suddenly gone. His thoughts felt sharp and his body felt lighter.
By the time a stylist gave him one final once-over and directed him toward the lineup, Kai felt good. More than good. Like he could do this. Like he was going to be great.
In the following days, he started noticing it everywhere.
Drugs.
They were everywhere. He didn’t understand how he’d missed it before.
It was almost irritating, proof that everyone who had ever called him naive had been right.
But more than that, it felt like he’d found a secret to not only surviving stressful situations, but actually performing through them, while quieting the worries in his head.
It was easy. Ask the right person, or honestly, almost anyone. If they didn’t have anything themselves, they’d point him somewhere. Send about eighty bucks, and that was it.
Simple.
And it worked.
Things became easier, he wasn't questioning himself all the time anymore. His tiredness was like muted and he actually talked to people between shoots. Even if the conversations were short, they made his day a little better. The girl who had first brought him along looked worse every day, but no one said anything. During the shows, though, she still looked perfect.
On one of the few jobs he shared with Alex, he told her about it.
She stared at him, incredulous.
“How did you even survive the first time?”
Kai didn’t have a good answer.
For the rest of Milan and Paris, he felt like he was on top of the world.
At least during the day. At night, he collapsed into bed feeling terrible, and in the mornings, he woke up feeling like death.
Still, he fell asleep quickly, and he’d figured out the best way to get through mornings anyway, so, fuck it.
There was a small voice in the back of his head telling him this was a terrible idea, but he ignored it.
He had enough to deal with at the moment, he’d figure it out later.
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No one could have told him how right that little voice truly was.
Back in his apartment, Kai barely made it to the bathroom before he threw up. It was mostly airplane food and water, thin, bitter and unpleasant.
Even after his stomach was empty, retching up only bile, he still felt awful.
His head was pounding, his hands trembled slightly and he felt like he was starving, but at the same time, the thought of food made his stomach twist again. It felt like he might faint if he stood up for too long.
So he went straight to bed and hoped it would pass.
It took a long time before he finally fell asleep, his body too restless to settle, no position comfortable enough to stay in. When he did sleep, it was shallow, waking up again and again, never really resting.
By the time he woke properly the next morning, his skin was damp with cold sweat.
Somehow, he managed to drag himself out of bed and into the kitchen.
He filled a glass with water, taking small, careful sips. The cold helped immediately. He drank another glass, then swallowed a painkiller and stepped into the shower.
Clean and dressed in fresh clothes, he felt a lot better. Enough to notice things. Like how awful he looked.
At the beginning of fashion week, he had weighed a little more than usual, which was probably why that stupid comment had hit him so hard and sent him spiraling.
Now, though, he looked like a freaking zombie, or like he had some medieval plague. His ribs jutted out beneath his skin, his complexion was ghostly pale, and dark circles hung beneath his eyes. How had he not noticed until now? Why had no one said anything?
The hunger from the night before came back with a vengeance, his stomach cramping painfully. Now that the nausea had mostly subsided, it felt unbearable.
The only thing he cared about right now was getting something to eat. He left the apartment and went to a diner down the block, sliding into a booth and ordered three different dishes, cause he felt like he needed that.
The waitress gave him a look but wrote it down without comment.
By the time she left, the hunger had turned almost frantic. His stomach cramped, his hands restless against the table. For a moment, he genuinely considered getting up and grabbing food from somewhere else, anywhere, just to eat faster.
Then his phone rang.
Yeah, he'd ignored pretty much everyone for the past two days. It was probably Tessa checking in on him, or Alex making sure he was still alive. He was about to decline the call when he glanced at the screen.
Jule.
Kai answered immediately, guilt flickering in his chest.
He hadn't exactly been great at replying to Jule these past few weeks. Sure, he'd warned him that work would have him traveling constantly, but he'd also promised he'd call as soon as he got back. And technically, he'd been back since yesterday.
“Hey,” he said, a bit sheepish.
“Did you forget me?” Jule asked.
There was a lightness to it, but Kai could hear something underneath.
“No, never. I’m sorry. I just… I wasn’t feeling well after I got back.”
“Oh. Okay.”
“I’m serious,” Kai added quickly. “I didn’t mean to ignore you.”
“It’s fine,” Jule said. “I believe you.”
“You sound like you got hit by a truck,” he added lightly.
Kai let out a weak laugh. “Then I sound a hundred times better than I feel.”
Jule huffed. “Come on, don’t be dramatic.”
“You don’t understand—”
At that moment, the waitress returned with his food.
Kai nearly sighed in relief. “Thank you,” he said quickly, his hands were shaking slightly as he reached for the food.
“Kai? You still there?” Jule’s voice came through.
“Yeah, sorry. My food just got here. I’m starving.”
He glanced around to make sure he wasn't bothering anyone, then put the phone on speaker and started eating.
“What did you order?” Jule asked.
Kai swallowed. “Pancakes, scrambled eggs, grilled cheese—”
Jule laughed. “What the hell?”
“And fries,” Kai added.
“That’s borderline illegal,” Jule joked.
“Let me live. I had a horrible time.”
Jule’s tone shifted into something softer immediately.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Kai considered, for a moment, how much he wanted to tell Jule, but he really trusted him.
“Okay… so I was really busy for about a month. And at some point someone offered me something to help. And I—yeah. I said yes. And it worked. So I kept doing it.”
There was a pause.
Then Julian exhaled sharply. “Please tell me you didn’t do drugs.”
Kai winced slightly. “I was really stressed, okay?”
“Oh my god,” Jule groaned. “That might be the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”
Kai frowned. “It helped. Don’t judge me.”
“I’m not judging you,” Jule said quickly, voice tighter now. “I just don’t want you to get addicted, or end up in serious trouble.”
He sighed. “I just…Fuck, I don’t want something bad to happen to you.”
That made something twist in Kai’s chest.
“I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “You don’t have to worry. I’m okay now.”
“Good,” Jule said, still sounding terse.
He didn’t say anything for a while as Kai continued eating. Kai almost thought Jule had hung up.
“Just… take care of yourself,” Jule mumbled eventually.
“I will.” He felt guilty for worrying Jule, but a small part of him was glad Jule cared. "Promise."
“So,” Jule continued after a beat, tone lighter again, “now that you’re done, you’ll have more time?”
“Yeah,” Kai said. “We could play something later. Maybe Fortnite?”
“Ready to lose?”
Kai huffed. “As if.”
“You’ve been gone for a month. Don’t get cocky.”
“Doesn't matter, it's natural talent.”
“Sure.”
Kai smiled as he could practically hear the blonde rolling his eyes.
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Since that call, they had somehow grown even closer.
At first, Kai had been terrified that Julian would immediately notice something had changed. After all, Kai knew now. He knew exactly what the feeling in his chest was every time his phone lit up with a message from him.
He was in love with Jule.
Thankfully, the blonde kept acting completely normal.
Well. Mostly.
They still had their usual conversations. Kai sent him endless animal pictures. Julian continued to joke about what Kai's mysterious job could possibly be. They yelled at each other while playing Fortnite, usually while Jannis rolled his eyes so hard Kai was surprised they didn't get stuck.
One time Kai had seen a rat dragging an entire slice of pizza through a subway station and taken a picture of it. Julian had laughed so hard he'd ended up drawing the rat and proudly sending Kai the finished sketch.
But there was something else now, too. Long conversations after midnight, sharing secrets, worries and hopes for the future.
The kind of things people usually kept to themselves.
Sometimes Kai caught himself wondering if maybe—
But no. That way lay disappointment. He was probably seeing things because he wanted to see them.
Still, sometimes Julian said things that made it difficult not to hope.
Like telling him, completely casually, I like falling asleep while we're on call. You're the only person I feel like that with.
Kai had stared at his screen for a solid minute after that one.
And other times, he seemed outright flirty.
The other day, he’d even insinuated that Kai must be a good kisser. Kai’s brain had completely short-circuited, leaving him sputtering out something incoherent while Jule just laughed.
And then there were the little comments. We should do that together, when we meet, we could try that, or, you'd like this place.
None of them were actual plans, not concrete enough to hold onto, so Kai told himself Julian didn't mean anything by it.
It was easier that way.
Kai watched the stream while curled up on his couch. Julian's eyes kept flickering toward the follower count every few seconds.
9.992
99.993
Back to 99.992.
That was the reason for today’s stream, to be live when he crossed that important milestone of 100.000.
Kai knew how excited he was and kept reassuring him that it wasn’t silly to care so much, or vain to want to celebrate it.
Jule looked like he was vibrating with nervous energy. Jannis sat beside him for the special occasion, and every now and then Kai noticed Julian squeezing his brother's hand.
The number changed.
100,000.
Kai actually cheered out loud in his apartment. On screen, Julian and Jannis completely lost their minds.
"Oh my god. Oh my god. Thank you guys. Ahhh, this means so much to me."
Julian folded both hands over his face, visibly overwhelmed, as he tried to read the flood of messages in chat.
Kai quickly typed a congrats, u deserve it, knowing there was barely a chance Jule would see it among the hundreds of messages still pouring in, but he still wanted to show support in his own small way.
Jannis held up a slightly crooked little cake with 100K written in uneven sprinkles. “Congratulations,” he said with a grin, lighting the sparkler stuck in dough.
Julian dissolved into giggles, glowing with happiness. The sparkler crackled on top of the cake while he smiled so brightly it must hurt his cheeks.
For the rest of the stream, he couldn’t stop smiling, and that made it impossible for Kai not to smile too. When they finally ended the stream, Julie thanked everyone another dozen times before the screen went black.
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"Sooo..." Julian began.
Kai immediately became suspicious.
"What?"
"I was wondering..."
That definitely wasn't a good sign.
"Julian."
"Do you maybe want to come visit for my birthday?"
The last part came out rushed, like he'd been gathering courage for it.
Kai's brain stopped working.
"Jule—"
"I know," Julian interrupted immediately. "You're a bit... you know."
Kai groaned.
“A bit private,” Jule continued, “but I promise I won’t judge you. We don’t even have to talk about it. I just think it would be fun to actually meet you.”
Julian kept talking. “If you don’t want to, or if you don’t have time, that’s fine. Seriously, no pressure.”
Still, Kai said nothing.
“And it’s not some huge party either,” Julian added quickly. “Just some friends. They’re all super nice.”
The thing was, Kai wanted to go.
God, he wanted to go.
He really wanted to find out if his smile was just as cute as on camera, whether his hair was soft or completely fried from all the bleach. Would Jule's laugh sound the same as it did trough a microphone? Maybe they would hug and Kai could inhale his smell for the first time.
But then again, it was a stupid idea.
He'd have to fly all the way there. And what if it was awkward? What if he wasn't anything like Jule expected him to be? What if his feelings were obvious the moment Jule laid eyes on him? Jule knew he was shy, sure, but what if it was too much? What if Jule thought he was boring?
Were Jule's dimples really that noticeable in person?
"I can't promise anything," Kai finally said. "But I'll see if I can get time off."
Julian let out a relieved laugh, "That's good. I really hope you do."
"Me too," Kai mumbled.
After they hung up, Kai spent nearly an hour considering whether he should just lie and tell Julian he had to work or make up some other excuse.
Instead, he called Tessa. She answered after only two rings.
"Hello?"
"I wanted to ask something."
"That sounds dangerous."
Kai laughed nervously.
"Could I maybe go back to Germany in May?"
There was a pause.
"May is not a good time," she sighed, "Can't you go in July?"
For a moment, Kai almost gave up.
Then he remembered how hopeful Julian had sounded.
"It's really important to me," he said quietly.
He nervously bit his lip as he waited for his agent to answer.
Then Tessa sighed.
"Okay."
Kai blinked, surprised.
"You've never asked me for anything before. I'll make it work. Just tell me the dates and I'll clear your schedule."
A grin spread across Kai's face before he could stop it.
"Thank you."
"You owe me."
"I know."
He was going to see Jule.
And that realization was somehow both the most exciting and most terrifying thing that had happened to him in months.
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Tessa had actually managed to free up his schedule for a full week. She really was the best manager he could've hoped for.
But first, he still had to survive the day. Probably the most important day of his career.
The fact that the Met Gala fell on Jule’s birthday felt almost twisted. It was cruel, really, that he couldn’t already be in Germany, and on top of that, didn’t even have time to properly call him. He had texted, of course, apologizing in advance for being busy, and Jule had just said he didn’t care because they’d see each other soon.
Kai felt a little ungrateful for even thinking about it. He knew it was an insane opportunity to even be here, that he was lucky to have gotten one of the few invitations his agency had managed to get their hands on.
Over the past few weeks, he had done six fittings all for the same outfit. It looked good. A little costumey, maybe, but that was probably the point. He could have gotten something much worse. It had a certain elegance to it, almost mesmerizing when it caught the light.
His makeup artist tilted his head back slightly and dusted powder along his chin. As always during this part, Kai zoned out as much as he could. Being touched by strangers still made him uncomfortably aware of himself, so he let his mind drift back across the ocean.
Even if Jule was celebrating on the weekend instead, maybe he still had plans for today. Maybe he was at dinner at his favorite restaurant right now or maybe he was spending time with his family.
Kai hoped so, he really deserved it.
The red carpet felt like it lasted forever, even though it was only a few minutes. Afterward, he did the interview, repeating the facts on the flashcards he’d been given by the designer and trying very hard not to say anything embarrassing.
At least he was seated at a table with Olivia, so he knew one person there and didn’t have to spend the entire night talking to strangers. The other guests seated at the table were nice too, though he didn’t know them. He ended up having a surprisingly good conversation about basketball with the woman seated next to him, who played in the WNBA.
Later, he wandered through the exhibits for a while, mostly because that was easier than trying to make small talk with people he barely knew and was, frankly, a little scared of.
Sadly, he hadn’t been allowed to bring his phone, so he couldn’t text Jule. Not that he could have really shared much anyway without revealing who he was.
After one especially awkward exchange with Rihanna about the exhibition, during which he mostly just stuttered nonsense, Alex finally caught up to him.
“Man, it sucks that they didn’t sit us together,” she complained immediately.
“Yeah,” he said.
Then he lowered his voice. “Actually, I need to tell you something.”
“In private.”
Alex dragged him to the bathroom, which turned out not to be very private at all. If anything, it felt more crowded than the main event. There were more people in here than outside, all mingling like it was perfectly normal. Someone was definitely smoking, and Kai wouldn’t have been surprised if other things were being passed around too.
He spotted Rachel talking to a guy, and a few people he recognized from modeling scattered throughout the crowd.
Kai sighed and turned back to Alex. “This is not a good place.”
“Who cares? It’s not like anyone’s spying on you.”
He couldn’t really argue with that, so he leaned in anyway.
“I’m going to visit Jule for his birthday.”
Alex actually squealed.
“Finally! Oh my god. It took you long enough.”
“Shut up,” Kai muttered, already regretting saying anything. “I’m not even sure it’s a good idea.”
Alex rolled her eyes. “What’s the worst that could happen?”
“Well,” Kai said, lowering his voice, “maybe all his friends hate me because I’m weird.”
“You’re not that weird. Also, who cares what his friends think?”
“He does.”
“Who does?”
Kai flinched.
“Jesus,” he muttered, not having noticed Rachel suddenly appeared beside them. “What are we talking about?”
Alex grinned. “Kai is visiting his boyfriend—sorry, his not-boyfriend—and is panicking.”
“And you didn’t tell us?” Rachel asked, offended.
“I’m telling you now,” he said defensively.
“Also,” Kai said quickly, “I’m not even sure it’s happening yet. I could still just say I’m sick.”
The two of them gasped in unison.
“Don’t you dare,” Alex said, pointing at him. “You are going, and when you come back, you’ll be a married man.”
Rachel nodded gravely. “Married.”
Kai stared at them. “You’re all moving a bit fast. This is the first time we’re meeting, remember?”
“Yeah, but you talk about him all the time,” Rachel said. “And when you’re not talking about him, you’re talking to him.”
“I do not.”
Alex gave him a look. “You do. Constantly.”
Kai deflated a little. Then, after a beat, he admitted under his breath, “He doesn’t even know who I am.”
“What?” they both asked at the same time.
Even some guy nearby looked like he wanted to hear more.
Kai rubbed the back of his neck. “How was I supposed to bring that up without making it weird?”
Alex blinked at him. “I don’t know. Just say it?”
Before Kai could launch into about a hundred reasons why that was a terrible idea, someone shouted, “Traditional bathroom selfie!”
And just like that, the entire conversation got derailed as everyone rushed to crowd together for the picture.
Damn. So he could have smuggled a phone in.
But he didn’t have time to dwell on that, because he ended up with an arm around both his friends, smiling for the camera.
As the group shifted around him, dissolving after the shutter clicked, giggling, restarting conversations, Kai caught a glimpse of some white powder still sitting near the sink. Probably abandoned before the picture.
For one stupid second, he stared at it. Everyone was here for networking anyway, so surely no one would mind sharing, right?
It would have been so easy. One night of getting through the crowd, one way to just enjoy the night and stop his thoughts from spinning so fast. The chance of gaining just enough confidence to tell Jule everything. Who he really was, how hearing his voice could brighten even the worst day, what he felt for him.
His chest tightened. No. Jule. He’d promised him. And besides, Jule didn’t deserve that. He deserved someone who could tell him the truth without needing courage scraped from a line of powder on a bathroom counter.
Then someone laughed, Rachel shoved his shoulder, and the moment was gone.
They didn’t talk about it later, mostly because they were kicked out of the bathroom by a security guard worried someone would get hurt. After that, they had to leave and get ready for the afterparty.
On his way out, Anna Wintour stopped him and complimented his outfit. Kai did the only thing he could do: praise the designer, nod politely, and try not to look like his brain had short-circuited before immediately turning to Alex to squeal a little.
For the afterparty, he changed into black suit pants and a silvery artistically draped, almost fluid looking, silk shirt.
After that, there was no time for serious conversation.
The drinks were free and strong, the club was packed, and everyone seemed excited to mingle with people they rarely saw all in one place.
The next morning, Kai finally got to look at all the pictures from the day before.
It always shocked him how nervous he felt during events, and yet it never seemed to show in the photos. The photographers really were magicians. Or maybe he was just good at his job. Who knew?