Chapter Text
It was late into the night and Flux stared at the little card lying in his hand.
It was cheap material, the writing was cranky and the little doodles on the sides were not even sized, but it had probably been done with good intentions in mind. Flux could imagine Saps hunched over his desk, brows furrowed and lips pinched in focus as he drew those small animals on every corner of the card. A cat, a bird and a small flower were squished into the top-left corner of the sheet, their smiles unnatural and too big to resemble anything slightly realistic.
Flux felt the now familiar warmth return to him. This was stupid, this was probably done in a rush and easy work, but the attention to the details made him feel special.
Had Saps given the same card to everyone else? Or was Flux the only one to receive such greatness? Somehow, he did not think he wanted an answer, the uncertainty of his own delusions was far more comfortable than the harsh reality of life.
Saps might simply consider him a new acquaintance the same way he did with the rest of the Conspiracy.
Flux sighed. He threw the card on his bed, flopping right beside it, an arm covering his eyes as he groaned slowly. Feelings were far from easy to comprehend, and he now understood why Turkey and the old man refused to talk about it in front of the children. Flux had made fun of them when he was younger, but karma has a strange way of getting back at you.
Had his father acted the same way when he was Flux’s age? Clutching every piece of cardboard close to his chest, just to try and feel the love that had been poured into it. It was difficult to imagine Elanuelo Aculon acting like a lovesick teenager, but he had been a young adult once. He had married twice and had three children.
Why did Flux expect him to be born old and live his whole life as a grumpy adult?
Someone knocked on the door. Flux rose on his elbows, head tilting to the side. It was ass-o'clock in the night, who in their right mind could be bothered enough to come disturb his own peace? Cynikka was not even at the estate, she had been invited to a girl sleepover at Cass’ and would only be coming back in the afternoon.
“What?” Flux asked, the usual frostbite tone of his voice penetrating the void between him and the sleepwalker.
“It’s late, why are you still awake?”
Oh. Ender. Why would his lovely brother take the time to come check on him when he himself needed to be up early in the morning for a stupid meeting with their father. Flux was more and more delighted to not be the first heir of the Aculon Empire. He would have already killed himself if he needed to take over the old man’s position.
“I could ask you the same thing.”
The other side of the door remained quiet for a second too long. Flux’s brows furrowed. It was not in Ender’s usual behaviour to doubt.
“Can I enter?” He eventually asked.
“Sure.”
The door creaked, letting in a single ray of light from the hallway. Ender was in his pajamas, far from the persona he showed in front of the old man, draped in long capes and suits that made him look like royalty.
But then again, Flux sometimes wondered if their family had been noble at some point in history. There were no reasons for them to be so successful just because of Solev’s charisma back in the days.
This old-old man had to hide something from them.
Ender sat on the edge of the bed, the mattress squeaking under his weight.
“That hurts my feelings,” he laughed, shifting over the bed to make sure he had not broken anything.
“Don’t mind it, it’s getting old now.”
“I know, it was mine before it was yours,” Ender nodded, feeling the silk of the cover under his fingertips. “And it was father’s before… Did you know it was grandfather Solev’s first bed as well. It’s a tradition to transmit it to the youngest boy of the family.”
“That’s weird,” Flux said, bringing his knees closer to his chest and encircling it with his arms. His eyes burned and he could not hold his yawning anymore. Perhaps it was time to sleep.
“You’ve been going to sleep later than usual these days, is everything alright?”
Flux shrugged. He did not think he had been delaying his sleep schedule that much, but if someone was to be blamed, then perhaps Ender should email their university administration. They were the one piling up assignments and forcing their students underwater.
“Just thinking.”
“Don’t do that too much, you might hurt yourself in the process,” Ender ruffled Flux’s hair, forcing a sigh out of him. They were barely three years apart, what could possibly separate them so much Ender felt the need to act as a father figure?
“Yeah, you would know.”
“Exactly, you probably don’t want to end up like me.”
A bittersweet taste invaded Flux’s mouth. How could he possibly try not to resemble the one he had considered his role model for most of his life.
“Yeah.”
Ender smiled, sprawling on the bed. His hands clutched on the fabric of the card. Flux felt his heartbeat stop as Ender gripped the thin sheet of paper and brought it to his eyes, reading the first few words, a cheshire grin growing on his lips.
“Awww, Flux, you’ve been invited to a sleepover! Are you going?”
“Don’t look at that!” He whined, whirling his arms around trying to catch it. But alas, Ender was taller, he held the card high in the air, out of Flux’s reach.
“What is this? You know you don’t need to hide anything from me.”
“This is exactly why I’m not sharing anything. Your nose is all in my business and I don’t like it.”
“Hey!” Ender giggled while Flux tackled him to get his card back. Cheeks flushed and chest heaving, he barely registered his own state until he saw his reflection on the wall mirror. He looked wrecked, and not in a good way.
“This is mine,” Flux bit.
“Alright, I’m not stealing anything, it’s fine.” Ender put the card back on the bed and let himself fall against the mattress. Flux’s bed was so comfortable and welcoming that he felt himself dive deeper into the cotton without realising it. “Are you going?”
“Why does it matter?”
Ender sent him a side glance, the corner of his lips rising just slightly.
“It’s the first time you’ve been invited to something that was not organised by your little group. Saparata… Is that Jophiel’s brother?”
“Yes, now leave me alone, I’m trying to sleep.”
“Come on, you’ve been staring at this long before I even knocked on your door, don’t try to deny it. I know you, Flux. We work in the same way, and I’m not telling this just to act all mighty. I’m genuinely happy you’re coming out of your shell and meeting new people, that’s it.”
Flux blushed. He crossed his arms over his chest and refused to meet his brother’s gaze. If the texts he exchanged with Saps were embarrassing, this must be the most uncomfortable moment of his life yet.
“What do you know about meeting new people? You’re always with Burney and Kanukei anyway.”
“Exactly why I’m happy for you. You’re not following my steps.”
Ender yawned and stretched. He quickly rubbed his eyes and rose from the bed.
“Is that it? Is that why you came to my room? Just to say that?”
“Not really,” Ender shrugged. “I wanted to make sure you didn’t stay awake for too long because I know you’ll be grumpy in the morning when you leave. But I guess this also works. Follow your heart, Flux.”
“Yeah, whatever.”
He stood on his feet and pushed Ender away from the bed, leading him to the door. Once they were on the threshold, Flux sent his brother one last look before locking himself up in the bedroom.
His heart stammered. This could not be good.
“Hey, didn’t think you could make it.”
“Didn’t I tell you I would be coming?”
Flux and Saps stared at each other at the entrance door, both unwilling to move and take a step inside. The party was still dim and calm, but already, Flux could see the bottles of alcohol over the living room table and hear the sound of this upbeat music reverberating against the walls.
The last time he had come into the Robin estate, everything had been much quieter.
“What are you two doing here?” Snowbird asked as he passed by, eyeing them from head to toe. “Come on, it’s cold outside and the heater is not that powerful.”
With a cough, Saps stepped aside and let Flux in. He removed his coat and shoes without a word, letting Saps take care of the rest.
The house was just as he remembered. Carefully decorated and arranged to make it seem bigger than it was, painting hanging around, depicting the precious landscape of Pandora. From the river flowing in the city to the islands surrounding it, everything was mapped out for those with eyes to see.
Flux made a mental note of the decor, making sure to tell the old man about it. Perhaps they could steal some of those ideas and incorporate it into their own hall.
Entering the common areas, Flux noticed the presence of other familiar faces. Micro was sharing a large packet of chips with Thomas, both too engaged in their conversation to notice the newcomer. Snowbird, Gotoga, Rotation and Seraphim were playing Mario Kart on the television while Jophiel left the room, waving at Flux on her way out.
In what he guessed was the kitchen, someone was mixing drinks and shaking it with too much force to be normal. Flux winced and took his seat on the couch, starling his friends.
“None of you even said hello, should I consider finding new partners?” He asked, watching as Gotoga paused the game to face him.
“Well perhaps if you did not scare the shit out of us by appearing like a ghost, we would have.”
“Come on, didn’t you hear the door open?”
“Well,” Rotation said, “we were pretty busy you see. It’s not every day I manage to beat Seraphim at this game.”
“That’s because you’re lucky today,” she replied.
“Hell yeah, and I intend on keeping it this way.”
Seraphim rolled her eyes and quickly turned herself away from the mess that Flux had created by showing up. Even Micro and Thomas had stopped in the middle of their discussion to observe him.
Why did they all act like he was a creature from bygone eras?
“Did I ruin the mood?”
“No, of course not,” Thomas said. “We’re just all pretty surprised you showed up.”
“Why wouldn’t I show up to an event I was invited to? Plus, I knew you would all be there, so one more reason to come.”
“Yeah, sure. Nothing to do with the fact it was Saps who–”
Flux hurried to cover Rotation’s mouth with his hand, muffling the words and sounds of gagging from behind. He did not know if Saps was done organising his belongings, but he was not willing to take any risks.
This… Stupid, conflicting affliction he felt was not to be shared with anyone.
“Did I hear my name?”
Of course. Flux groaned internally. Fate might just be against him today. He released Rotation, who coughed and gasped for air dramatically. Saps chuckled and sat right next to Flux, the couch groaning under his weight.
“Nothing important,” Flux said.
“Sure. What are we doing?”
“Whatever, it’s your house, you should know.”
Saps smiled at him and grabbed a deck of cards. Everyone else collectively agreed to go back to their previous preoccupations, rather choosing to be ignorant of the strange tension around their two friends. Flux could still see them throwing glances here and there to make sure they did not miss any crumb of the show, but he decided to put them in the background of his own thoughts.
For the first time since they had met at the bookstore, Flux finally had Saps’ attention on himself only. No stupid assignment for class, no duties as exchange students to complete under Jophiel’s watch. Nothing.
Just them and their weird deck of cards. He took the Joker between his fingers and inspected the motif drawn onto it. It seemed familiar in a way, but Flux was certain he had never played with this deck before. If so, then why did he remember the small character smiling at him on the card?
“Oh, there is your inspiration,” he said as he remembered the invite hidden in a drawer of his desk back at the Aculon mansion. “I knew I had seen it before.”
Saps flushed slightly, avoiding his eyes. “I didn’t think you would notice.”
“Now come on, you poured your heart into making this card, how could I not?” Flux huffed, shuffling the cards around and distributing it evenly. “How long did that take you?”
“Promise you won’t laugh if I tell you?”
“I can’t promise anything, but I will try.”
“An hour and a half.”
Flux stopped halfway through his motion, fingers stuck between two heart cards, stunned. An hour and a half? For three characters on an invite? Surely Saps was messing with him. No matter one’s artistic abilities, a thing so simple could not take up more than twenty minutes. Or… Flux thought about the ink smudged on the side and the remnants of older pencil strokes all around the frame. Had Saps been redoing it over and over again until he was satisfied with the result? That would explain the time spent working on it, but perfectionism was not necessary for a mere sleepover.
Would the card mean something greater for Saps? Surely not.
“That’s– That’s a lot.”
“I’m not good at drawing at all, I had to ask for Jophiel’s help and then before I knew it, an hour and a half had passed and I had not even written anything. She laughed at me every time she walked by me, muttering about how focused I was.”
“You didn’t have to, I would have come to your party anyway,” Flux said as he shrugged, resuming his shuffling.
“Yeah, but I wanted it to be great.”
Flux stared at him, his heart doing its little jumping around again, unable to stop and calm down even for a second. The idea of Saps sitting down at this very table and working himself up until he was finally content with his drawing felt endearing.
“Did you do this for everyone?” Flux asked instead.
“No.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
Both of them blushed, avoiding any contact that might betray their own feelings. As Flux distributed the cards, their fingers brushed for a second too long, the contact sending spikes of adrenaline coursing through their bodies. They both retreated their hands quickly enough, but the result was still the same.
Micro and Thomas watched from afar, shaking their heads at the sight of those idiots refusing to acknowledge the slightest attraction they felt. But what could they possibly do?
Footsteps echoed in the room as glass clinking resounded. Everyone stopped to turn around and behold the sight that greeted them.
“What the fuck is he doing here?” Flux asked, pointing his thumb at the tall jock clad in basketball shorts and oversized shirt walking towards them.
“Nice to see you too, mate!”
Flux turned towards Saps and seethed. “Why is Schpood in your house out of everyone?”
“Sadly he is my sister’s boyfriend.”
Flux refrained from screaming in horror at the news. That Schpood was in this house was already scary. But him being in a relationship, with Jophiel out of all people, was even worse. How did he convince her? What exactly happened?
Now, Flux was not close with Jophiel, they were acquaintances at best, but the sheer knowledge of her suffering Schpood every day made him sympathise with her.
“That cannot be real.”
“I’ve seen them kiss, unfortunately, it is very real,” Saps said, lips curled in disgust. Flux did not want to imagine the horrors he might have witnessed already.
“Geez, your family is insane.”
“Guess it’s in our blood to like slightly strange people.”
“What do you even mean by that?” Flux asked.
“Eh, look at him,” Saps pointed at Micro, who was happily sharing anecdotes regarding his cartel friends with Thomas. Their eyes shined brightly in delight and their hands kept approaching each other without actually touching, still too shy to commit.
Lovebirds in their natural habit, Flux thought.
“To be fair, Thomas is not that bad. It could have been worse.”
“Wouldn’t you know. How do you like people?”
“I like them better when they don’t spend their time mocking me by text messages,” he spurted out, his mind betraying him.
Saps grinned, threw a card in front of him and waited until Flux was ready to start their little game.
“I see. I’ll keep that in mind then.”
“Oh shut up.”
The sleepover turned out to be suspiciously well organised and put together. Not thanks to Schpood, Flux imagined, but Jophiel and Snowbird had done a great job.
By the time they were done drinking and eating, the night sky had covered the entire Pandoran continent and lights had dimmed in every neighbouring house. It was close to midnight and people started dozing off on the couch, unable to keep their eyes open one more second. Micro was sprawled across Thomas, their legs intertwined and his head in the crook of the other’s neck, breathing slowly. Saps had taken a shit ton of pictures as soon as he had noticed them, muttering something about blackmail and retribution for all the time Micro had made fun of him in the past.
One by one, everyone started tidying up the living room, careful not to wake up those who had already succumbed to Morpheus, placing the makeshift beds and covers around. The TV still spurted its jazz sounds that nobody paid attention to when Flux lay on his back, staring at the ceiling of the Robin estate. Thomas and Micro slept right next to him, both passed out completely, muttering in their dreams.
Listening to them would have been interesting if they were saying anything useful, but instead, all they could muster were a few words of surprise and the usual affection that passed between them.
On the other side, the rest of the Conspiracy lay without issues, except for Rotation’s snores and Gotoga’s usual rummaging around, turning on himself until he finally settled on a comfortable position.
It was well past two in the morning when Flux realised he was suffering one of his usual insomnias, and that sleep would not come to him any time soon. With all the care in the world, he pushed the blanket away, stepped in between the wasted bodies of his friends and walked to the kitchen. Once he was far away, he poured himself a glass of water and drank it in one long gulp, his throat thanking him for the beverage.
The lights were still out and he could barely see in front of himself, but the darkness helped with his migraines. He let himself slide down the counter and sit on the cold tiles, exhaling slowly at the sensation.
When he blinked his eyes open, he saw a silhouette right in front of him, crouched to his heights. Flux barely contained the shriek that escaped him.
“Jesus Christ! Why did you do that?”
Saps smiled and sat next to him. “I thought I heard someone walking and I decided to come have a chat. I didn’t expect it to be you, though.”
“Warn a guy before you give him a heart attack. I thought I was dying.”
“Sorry about that,” Saps smiled sheepishly, his shoulder bumping into Flux’s. “I can’t sleep these days, it’s very unfortunate.”
“Me neither, it’s messed up.”
“We’re very similar, actually. I never noticed it before.”
“What? Because we both can’t sleep, we're suddenly soulmates?” Flux asked, nudging Saps with his shoulder. “I think you’re reading too much into it.”
His joke was met with little resistance, as Saps watched into the distance, his eyes filled with a sweet melancholy. His mouth opened multiple times, but no sound came out, all swallowed before it could escape him.
“You alright?” Flux said once again.
“It’s quiet, it’s weird.”
“Well, it’s two in the morning, I wouldn’t expect anyone to be hosting a circus fair and waking the whole neighbourhood up.”
“It’s just…” Saps started, trailing off and cutting his sentence right at the start. His eyes fell to his hands, fidgeting with his pajama shirt.
“You can tell me, I don’t mind. I won’t repeat it to anyone.”
Saps shook his head.
“It’s not about repeating, it’s about fighting my memories. When I was younger, the night was always bustling with activity, there was not one day I would fall asleep to the quietness of the city. You could hear people screaming and animals howling in the streets, gunshots in the distance and the scream of wheels on the dirt road. I would hold Micro close to me and promise everything was going to be alright, that we would escape one day and finally be free. He was terrified, how old was he at that time? Probably no older than six. I remember us falling asleep on the one bed we shared, huddled together, curtains drawn to let no light in or out. We couldn’t show anyone we were there, or else, we could become easy targets… As time passed, I started getting used to the background noise of the city. It became part of my life. I would fall asleep listening to the cries of those who still owed money to their creditors.”
This explained why Micro clutched Thomas’ shirt in his sleep, refusing to let go even for a second in this unknown environment. The memories of his childhood kept crawling up back to him, forcing his head back into the nightmare of his youngest years.
“Is this about the desert?”
“It is,” Saps sighed, passing a hand through his hair. “What do you know about it?”
“Not much, I just started reading Sir Davarit’s book.”
“Whatever you can imagine, it’s worse. It was the worst place to be born on earth. Nobody lived long in the desert, mutinies and retribution always claimed lives. Our apartment was hidden, it gave us respite when Micro and I came back from school in the afternoon. The first thing we did was to close the door, lock it and wait for our father to arrive. He was drunk sometimes, he did little to nothing to help us and simply gave us enough food to survive another day. It was Micro and I against the world at that time.”
“... How long did you live there?”
“Thirteen years. For me at least. Eleven for Micro. And then our father died. We were thrown out of the apartment and onto the streets. I don’t know how long it took for us to walk to the city, but the police found us there and took us back to their department. That’s when they discovered that we were related to other people in Pandora and the state sent us to this house. We met Jophiel a week later,” Saps explained.
“Wait, what do you mean you met Jophiel only then, aren’t you siblings?”
Strangely, Saps refuted his hypothesis. For so long, Flux had been sure he understood the Robin genealogy perfectly. It was easy, in fact. Jophiel, Saps and Micro were siblings, Snowbird was their cousin. Simple, perfect.
Only for all of this to be thrown out the window in an instant.
“She’s our half-sister, we do not have the same father. We were never aware of her existence before, and she never knew she had brothers. It was weird, to say the least.”
“I can imagine. How did you react?”
“I hated the world. She lived in such a nice house, in the best neighbourhood of the capital. She had everything, but we had nothing. It was unfair for such disparity to exist. But it wasn’t her fault. It was really nobody’s fault. We were just born in the wrong district, at the wrong time, from the wrong people. We couldn’t have done anything to prevent it.”
Flux hated the feeling in his chest, the constriction as he pondered his uselessness in helping those in need. How could he ever compare to those like Saps who were never lucky enough to experience life within the confines of comfort.
Instead of expressing himself with words, Flux grabbed Saps’ hand and squeezed it tightly, feeling the warmth of skin against his own.
“I’m here,” Flux said. “You’re not alone.”
Saps looked at him, his eyes wet and ready to let the tears roll down his cheeks.
“Thanks, Flux.”
The next thing Flux registered was the smell of home and fresh morning pastries as his eyes fluttered close, his dreams guiding him away from the harsh reality of life.
Saps’ hand was still on his own.
Saps:
Image.png
Micro took a pic of us in the morning
We fell asleep on the kitchen floor
You looked cold so I gave you my jacket btw
You can keep it if you want
Flux:
Idiot.