Chapter Text
“When you said you had your hesitations about Hoshirube, this is not how I thought it would end.” Kagetsu said, cocked eyebrows and crossed arms demanding an explanation.
Koyanagi let out a dry laugh, folding in the last of his clothes into his bag. His movements were slow, reluctance weighing down his arms, hindering his fingers. He didn’t want to leave.
“Believe me,” he started, “this isn’t how I imagined things to happen either.”
There was a beat of silence.
“But it’s what you wanted, isn’t it?”
Koyanagi’s silence was a response in and of itself.
“I wasn’t entirely honest when you asked me about him the other time.” Koyanagi said after a moment, putting in the last remaining t-shirt, glancing around the rest of the room for anything else that he had overlooked. His bag seemed emptier than when he arrived.
“I said that he reminded me of my classmate from school, right? Well…they’re actually one and the same.”
“Huh?” Kagetsu shuffled forward, leaving his own bag, haphazardly stuffed with clothes, behind him. “What the heck, did he not recognise you? Did you have a dynamic style change after school or something?”
If only he knew how ironic that was.
“Not quite,” Koyanagi laughed, “If anything, that’d be more apt to say of him. But no, he lost his memory in an accident-” the words sounded stale in his mouth, glossing over his own desperate searching and the still standing mystery of what had actually happened to Hoshirube, “-and forgot pretty much all of his life, including me.”
“And,” he added, cutting Kagetsu off just before he started speaking. “When I told you about him the very first time, I was still reeling after our last…” his mind blanked, blindly grasping for a vague description, “fallout, so I don’t think I painted a good picture of him. But we actually really did get along, and we get along now as well.”
His thoughts felt like they were tumbling from his mouth, his words not conveying the story as smoothly as he had hoped. He gripped his bag tightly when Kagetsu just stared at him in silence.
“I can’t lie, I still don’t really understand.” Kagetsu started.
Well, that was to be expected. To him, Koyanagi must seem so flaky, unable to fully decide whether he liked Hoshirube or not, let alone communicate all the events properly with Kagetsu, his closest friend.
“But I don’t think I have to.”
Koyanagi looked up. Kagetsu was staring at him earnestly, not a hint of confusion or disdain on his face.
“You light up around him, Koyanagi. In a way I don’t think I’ve ever seen you do before. I think you both definitely have a lot of talking to do, but I honestly like the guy, and I think you fit strangely well together.”
His words eased a knot of tension so deep in Koyanagi that he didn’t even know it was there until it dissipated. There was a knock on the door, and they both glanced at it before Kagetsu turned back to shoot him a smirk.
“Go enjoy the rest of our time here with him, Koyanagi. We can chat more on our way back home.”
Koyanagi leant forward to give Kagetsu a rare, brief, side hug, and then dashed to the door as Kagetsu started spluttering, hurriedly opening the door and slamming it shut before he could get in a word.
Hoshirube was standing outside, hand upstretched to knock again, and Koyanagi’s abrupt exit had him slamming right into the guy, who just looked down and blinked at him dumbfoundedly instead of actually moving away.
“Are you that excited to see me?” Hoshirube asked, smile teasing at the corner of his lips.
Koyanagi rolled his eyes, grabbing Hoshirube’s wrist and dragging him towards the balcony.
“No, you idiot. Not everything is about you.”
Hoshirube just hummed, but followed him without protest. The sky outside was alight with orange, and as Hoshirube rolled the door shut behind him, Koyanagi felt a frisson of anticipation dart up his spine. It was the first time they had been alone since the kiss, the others having hounded both of them the whole day for explanations and endless teasing.
They stood next to each other in silence for a few minutes. Koyanagi wondered if Hoshirube, too, was just trying to find his footing amongst his own thoughts, or whether he was waiting for Koyanagi to speak.
“I sort of feel bad.” Koyanagi said, staring up at the sky as the colours shifted, day passing the baton to night.
Hoshirube propped his elbows up on the banister of the balcony.
“Why?”
“This was meant to be the celebration party for your band, and not only did I sort of barge in, but I feel like I definitely took the focus away from the band.”
Hoshirube turned to look at him.
“Then you don’t know us well enough yet. No one here is anything but happy that you joined us, Koyanagi. As for the other matter, well… If anything, I think it just made this whole thing a lot more memorable. And anyway, it was less a party focused on us, and more a party to get everyone together and unwind a bit.”
Koyanagi hummed thoughtfully. Logically, he knew that was right, but it still did nothing to loosen the knot of guilt that had niggled its way like a parasite into the sheer contentment he had been floating in since their kiss.
He exhaled heavily as if he could physically blow out the negativity.
“What have they been saying to you, by the way?”
Hoshirube smiled widely. “Mana and Rai have been supporting it pretty vocally. Those two are always so genuine; they just want me to be happy. Ittetsu, too. He said I’ve been smiling more around you. Wen thinks it’s hilarious, he just keeps laughing at my face whenever he sees me.”
The imagery has a smile curling at Koyanagi’s lips. He could picture it perfectly.
“Usami is actually the one with some misgivings,” Hoshirube said, sinking his weight back so he was almost hanging from the banister from his outstretched arms. He tilted his head up, eyes flitting between the constellations. His eyes caught on one, and Koyanagi looked up to see which one. But, Koyanagi knew, even if he was looking at the same one, he would never truly see what Hoshirube saw. Even if he had a thesaurus on stars laid out before him, he’d probably only be able to scratch the surface of his thoughts.
He reached out, placing his hand on Hoshirube’s where it lay on the rail. He felt the other give him a glance, and then Hoshirube pulled himself forward to stand upright. The hand under his turned over to properly entwine their fingers. Koyanagi felt his mind settle.
“It’s not that bad,” Hoshirube said, jolting Koyanagi back to the conversation. Hoshirube probably thought that he was worried about Usami’s disapproval, which was true enough, but honestly rather far down the list of Koyanagi’s list of concerns. He probably didn’t realise that he himself was the greatest root of Koyanagi’s anxieties.
“Despite his bright and easygoing nature, the guy actually has some very deep thoughts.”
“Sounds like you,” Koyanagi noted in surprise.
Hoshirube tilted his head back slightly in laughter.
“Yeah, I actually think so too. Maybe that’s why we get along so well. Anyway yes, one thing he’s a bit hesitant about is how fast this all happened.”
Koyanagi couldn’t help the harsh laugh. It scraped like nails out of his throat. “Fast, huh? I mean yeah, to him, and to you, I suppose, it’s only been a few days.”
Hoshirube’s eyes were heavy on him.
“How long has it been for you?” he asked quietly.
“About three years,” Koyanagi shrugged, voice carefully neutral. Hoshirube’s stare seemed to pierce right through that farce, and his hand tightened around Koyanagi’s.
“Then I thank all the stars in the sky that no one had the foresight to snatch you up in that time.”
“I would have said no, anyway.” Koyanagi blurted out, inhibitions seemingly abandoned within the confines of this balcony. “I wasn’t in a place to date anyone. You were entrenched so deeply in my soul that it would have been a disservice to anyone else if I had tried.”
“I’m sorry,” Hoshirube said, but any sense of apology was dashed by the wide, toothy grin across his face.
Koyanagi rolled his eyes and butted his shoulder against him.
“Yes, yes, ok, I was a pining idiot. So you better make it up to me now,” he said, lifting their conjoined hands and waving them in the air between the two of them.
Hoshirube’s grin softened around the edges, and the intensity in his eyes had Koyanagi dropping his gaze subconsciously.
“I will. I promise.”
Hoshirube’s grip tightened further, to an almost painful degree.
“But there is the matter of distance to talk about, as well. That was the other thing Usami was worried about — how we’re going to deal with being on opposite sides of the continent.”
There it was. Another thing high up Koyanagi’s list of concerns. They both were currently locked within their respective sides; let alone the fact they were both still studying, Hoshirube also had his band to be there for.
But Koyanagi had learnt his lesson about waiting for the right time, for the right moment.
“I finish my degree next March. I’ll apply for jobs in the East.” The words came out curt in his desperation. He knew he was being impulsive. But it felt freeing, rather than terrifying as it logically should be.
Hoshirube turned to face him fully, taking his other hand as well. His gaze was serious.
“I appreciate that. More than you know. But don’t close off all your other pathways for this. I am not the same Hoshirube Sho you knew. I don’t want you making any hasty judgments.”
The counter stung, way more than Koyanagi knew it reasonably should. The logical part of his mind knew that Hoshirube was right, but that part of his mind felt suddenly so muted, drowned out by his emotions. If Hoshirube was so far from him, then if anything happened, Koyanagi would be once again helpless to stop it. Hoshirube already felt so fleeting. If he couldn’t see him, if he couldn’t touch him…
“Koyanagi.”
Hoshirube’s voice was firm, an anchor in the storm of Koyanagi’s racing thoughts. At some point, Hoshirube’s hands had come up to cup Koyanagi’s face, his own face only inches away.
He locked onto those teal eyes, and slowly the sounds of the night around them filtered back in. The incessant chirps of the crickets, the wind rustling through the trees, a distant hoot from an owl somewhere in the woods. Hoshirube’s hands were warm against his skin.
“I will visit every chance I get. You can call me at any time, no matter day or night. I won’t-” he cut off, and Koyanagi could see his thoughts rearranging in real time. “Perhaps I can’t promise it, but I will do everything I can to stay here, in this life, with these memories. I will fight whatever comes, no matter how supernatural it is, for this life, and for this chance with you.”
His eyes were painfully honest. Koyanagi took in a deep breath, and let it out slowly.
“Thank you. And if anything happens, anything,” he stressed, “Tell me. The Hoshirube I knew never liked to tell people about his problems, or show his own upset. Don’t do that around me.”
Koyanagi paused, and swore under his breath.
“And damn it all, but you’re right, I was, and am, equating the two of you. I’m sorry. Give me time. Give me time to learn you. All of your little quirks, all of your habits, all of your preferences.”
Hoshirube smiled at him, a small, precious thing that Koyanagi would fight the world for.
“Then we’ll learn them together. I’m still figuring things out myself. And then I can learn you, and catch up on your many years-long head start. We’ll video call, visit every chance we get, and we’ll be okay.”
Koyanagi lifted a hand to cover one of Hoshirube’s where it was still cupping his face, leaning into it as if he could ingrain it into his cheek.
“You’re right. Somehow we got here even though you… well, despite whatever happened to you. One year of long distance won't break this. I won’t let it.”
Hoshirube leaned forward to lay their foreheads together, his eyes slipping shut.
“And you won’t be alone. I’ll be there for every moment, even if it’s just as a voice over the phone.”
Hoshirube was a physical presence against him, real and solid and warm. Koyanagi kissed him gently. Hoshirube’s eyes shot open, and he moved to kiss him deeper, setting his hands on Hoshirube’s waist to pull him impossibly closer.
Koyanagi pulled back just slightly to catch his breath, transfixed on the dazed expression on Hoshirube’s face, his lips reddened and glistening.
“My next university break is in August. You owe me enough kisses to tide me over till then.”
Hoshirube laughed, his breath ghosting over Koyanagi’s lips.
“I think you’re going to devour me, Koyanagi.”
Koyanagi stared right into Hoshirube’s glazed eyes, hoping that his stare carried at least half the intensity of the emotions he was drowning in.
“And I think you’ll enjoy it, Hoshirube.”
Hoshirube opened his mouth to reply, but Koyanagi was tired of talking. Whatever comment he was readying on his tongue was swallowed by another kiss.