Chapter Text
Jungkook spent three days trying to gather courage. Three entire days which felt ridiculous considering he used to be fearless about almost everything. But this was different.
Because for the first time in his life, Jungkook had something he genuinely couldn’t afford to lose and maybe that was the real punishment. Not heartbreak. Not guilt.
But realizing too late how deeply Seokjin had rooted himself inside him.
“You look insane.” Jungkook glanced up tiredly from the convenience store table.
Taehyung sat across from him holding ramen “You’ve been staring at that strawberry milk for ten minutes.”
Jungkook sighed “I’m thinking.”
“You’re spiraling.”
“Same thing.”
Taehyung studied him quietly for a moment “Are you finally going to talk to him properly?”
Jungkook rubbed his face tiredly “I don’t know how.”
“For starters, stop making this about what you want.”
Jungkook frowned “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You keep approaching this like you’re asking Seokjin to forgive you so you can feel better.” The words landed sharply. Because maybe—maybe Taehyung was right.
“You need to understand something,” Taehyung continued quietly. “Seokjin hyung loved you honestly from the beginning. If you talk to him now, it can’t be because you’re lonely or jealous or scared of losing him.”
Jungkook stared down silently “Then why should I talk to him?”
“Because you love him enough to finally stop lying.” That sentence stayed in Jungkook’s head for the next two days because Taehyung was right. This couldn’t just be about Jungkook wanting Seokjin back. If he approached Seokjin now, it had to be honest.
Completely honest. No manipulation. No desperation disguised as love. Just truth.
Even if the truth ended with Seokjin walking away permanently.
Meanwhile, Seokjin was trying very hard not to think about Jungkook. Unfortunately, Jungkook kept appearing everywhere. Mutual friends mentioning him accidentally. Songs. Places. Even stupid hoodies. It was exhausting.
“You should see someone.” Seokjin blinked at Ara from across the couch “What?”
“A therapist.”
Seokjin snorted softly “That obvious?”
“You haven’t smiled properly in months.” The honesty made him look away immediately. Because maybe she was right. He’d become quieter lately, colder too. Like loving Jungkook had exhausted something inside him permanently.
“I just don’t understand,” Seokjin admitted quietly.
Ara waited patiently.
“If he loved me…” Seokjin swallowed hard. “Why wasn’t that enough to stop hurting me?”
The question shattered her heart slightly because she knew the answer already. Jungkook had loved Seokjin while still hating himself and people who hated themselves often destroyed good things before believing they deserved them.
But Seokjin wasn’t ready to hear that yet. So instead Ara moved closer and squeezed his hand gently. “What he did was cruel,” she said softly. “Loving you doesn’t erase that.”
Seokjin nodded quietly. Still hurting yet still loving and unfortunately, those two things were tangled together now.
The opportunity came unexpectedly. It was raining heavily when Jungkook saw Seokjin again. Outside the university library. Of course. Somehow Seokjin always ended up near books. Jungkook stood frozen beneath the café awning watching him through the rain.
Seokjin looked tired, hair damp from weather, glasses slightly fogged. Beautiful. Painfully beautiful.
Jungkook’s chest tightened instantly. Then Seokjin noticed him. The moment their eyes met, Jungkook saw the hesitation immediately like Seokjin was deciding whether to walk away again. Panic rose fast.
“Please,” Jungkook said before he could leave. “Just five minutes.”
Rain poured heavily around them. Seokjin looked exhausted already “Jungkook…”
“Five minutes,” Jungkook repeated quietly. “Then I’ll leave you alone if you want.”
Something in his voice must have sounded different this time. Because after a long silence—Seokjin nodded once.
The café was nearly empty because of the storm. They sat across from each other awkwardly while rain hit windows loudly enough to fill silences. Jungkook suddenly realized he’d rehearsed speeches for days. Now none of them felt right.
Seokjin looked down at his coffee quietly “You said five minutes.”
Jungkook inhaled slowly “I know.” Then silence again. God!! He’d never been this nervous before. Finally, Jungkook forced himself to speak honestly “I was angry when Ara left.”
Seokjin remained quiet.
“So angry that I wanted her to hurt too.”
A tiny flicker crossed Seokjin’s face. Pain.
Jungkook continued anyway because he owed him truth now “I found out about you accidentally.” His throat tightened. “And at first… I approached you because I wanted revenge.”
There it was-ugly, raw and completely honest. Seokjin’s eyes lowered immediately. Even now, hearing it directly still hurt.
Jungkook felt sick seeing that expression “But then I met you.”
Seokjin laughed softly “That didn’t stop you though.”
“No,” Jungkook admitted immediately. “It didn’t.” Because excuses would insult him now.
“You trusted me,” Jungkook whispered. “And I kept telling myself I’d fix things before you got hurt.”
Seokjin finally looked up then “And when exactly was that supposed to happen?”
Jungkook had no answer because every time he almost confessed, selfishness stopped him. He wanted more time, more warmth, more Seokjin.
“You know what the worst part is?” Seokjin asked quietly.
Jungkook stayed silent.
“I still can’t figure out which moments were real.” The pain in his voice nearly destroyed Jungkook instantly.
“All of them,” Jungkook said immediately.
Seokjin looked away “You don’t get to say that so easily.”
“I know.”
Rain hammered harder outside. Jungkook clenched his hands beneath the table. Then finally forced himself to say the one thing he’d been terrified of- “I don’t love Ara anymore.”
Seokjin froze completely. Jungkook’s heartbeat slammed painfully.
“I think…” He laughed weakly at himself. “No. I know.” His voice softened. “I fell in love with you a long time ago.”
Seokjin stared at him silently like he wanted to believe it but no longer knew how.
“You don’t have to forgive me,” Jungkook continued quietly. “Honestly, I don’t think I deserve it.”
“Then why are you here?”
Because I can’t breathe without you.
Because every room feels empty now.
Because losing you feels like losing the best part of myself.
But Jungkook forced himself to answer carefully. “Because you deserve the truth without manipulation attached to it.”
Seokjin’s expression shifted slightly, surprise maybe.
“I was jealous,” Jungkook admitted next.
“When?”
“Every time I saw you with someone else.” The confession sounded embarrassingly vulnerable.“You going on dates made me realize how badly I ruined things.” Jungkook swallowed hard. “And for a while I thought maybe watching you move on was what I deserved.”
Seokjin looked down quietly.
“Part of me still thinks that.” Jungkook’s chest ached.“But then Ara asked me something.” He smiled bitterly. “She asked if I could live with losing you forever.”
Silence. Heavy silence. “And?”
Jungkook looked directly at him “No." The honesty in that single word filled the space between them. Seokjin’s eyes flickered slightly - still hurt, still guarded. But listening. Really listening.
“I love you,” Jungkook whispered finally. “Not because you healed me. Not because I was lonely. Not because I wanted revenge anymore.” His voice cracked slightly. “I love you because somewhere along the way, you became home to me.”
Seokjin’s breath caught softly.
Jungkook continued before fear stopped him.
“You made me softer without trying.” A weak laugh escaped him. “You made me honest eventually too, even if it happened too late.”
Seokjin looked visibly emotional now which terrified Jungkook because he had no right to make him cry anymore.
“I know apologizing isn’t enough,” Jungkook whispered. “I know love alone doesn’t erase what I did.”
For a long moment, only rain filled the silence. Then Seokjin quietly asked:“If I never found out at that café… would you have told me eventually?”
The question hit brutally because Jungkook had asked himself that every night too. He could lie. Make himself sound better. Instead, he answered honestly “…I don’t know.”
Seokjin closed his eyes briefly and somehow the honesty hurt both of them more. But then Jungkook added quietly: “That’s the ugliest truth about me.” Silence. Then finally: “But losing you made me realize I never wanted revenge anymore.” Jungkook’s voice shook slightly. “I just wanted you.”
Seokjin stared at him for a very long time. And Jungkook let him- No excuses now. No hiding. Just truth sitting painfully between them at last.
Seokjin didn’t answer immediately and honestly, Jungkook didn’t expect him to. Not after everything. The café remained quiet except for rain tapping endlessly against windows and the faint sound of coffee machines in the background.
Jungkook sat still across from him, forcing himself not to reach out because he had lost the right to touch Seokjin casually a long time ago. Meanwhile, Seokjin felt like his chest was being torn in two directions at once. One part still deeply hurt. Still angry. Still unable to forget the humiliation of realizing the man he loved had approached him with revenge in mind.
But the other part—the weaker, more pathetic part—still loved Jungkook so much it physically ached. And hearing Jungkook say "I just wanted you" had nearly shattered the little composure Seokjin still had left.
“You always sound sincere,” Seokjin whispered eventually.
Jungkook’s expression faltered immediately.“That’s the problem.” The words landed painfully because they were true. Even now, Jungkook sounded heartbreakingly honest.
But Seokjin had once believed honesty existed in every smile and kiss too. Look where that got him. “I don’t know how to trust you again,” Seokjin admitted quietly.
Jungkook lowered his eyes immediately “You shouldn’t force yourself to.” That answer surprised him. Jungkook continued softly:“If I were you, I wouldn’t trust me either.”
The self-hatred in his voice made something twist painfully inside Seokjin’s chest. Even now he still cared that was the worst part.
After the café conversation, nothing magically fixed itself. There was no dramatic reconciliation. No immediate forgiveness. Just uncertainty. But for the first time in months, Jungkook and Seokjin stopped running away from each other completely. And somehow—that alone changed things.
Three days later, Seokjin received a message. From Jungkook. Not desperate this time, not even pleading. Just simple.
did you eat dinner?
Seokjin stared at the text for nearly five minutes. Then finally typed back:
yes
The reply came immediately.
okay
sleep early tonight
Seokjin’s chest hurt instantly because it felt so normal. So painfully familiar. And before he could stop himself, he typed:
you too
“You answered him.” Ara looked far too smug while chopping vegetables. Seokjin sighed tiredly “Can you not analyze my life while cooking?”
“No.”
“I regret moving back temporarily.” Seokjin sighed
Ara grinned “But you did answer him.”
Seokjin looked down quietly. Because yes -He did and worse—part of him had waited for Jungkook’s message. “That doesn’t mean anything.”
“Mhm.”
“It doesn’t.”
Ara’s expression softened slightly “Oppa.”
He looked up.
“You don’t have to forgive him immediately.” She hesitated briefly. “But you also don’t have to pretend you stopped loving him.”
The honesty made Seokjin’s throat tighten because he hadn’t stopped. Not even close.
Jungkook, meanwhile, treated every tiny interaction like oxygen. One reply from Seokjin genuinely improved his entire week which was pathetic. But also terrifyingly real. He found himself smiling at his phone again, sleeping slightly better. Existing without feeling constantly hollow.
Then immediately hating himself afterward because Seokjin was still hurting while Jungkook selfishly clung to scraps of hope.
“You’re disgusting,” Taehyung informed him one afternoon.
Jungkook frowned.“What now?”
“You smiled at a text again.”
“Mind your business.”
Taehyung snorted.“Was it Seokjin hyung?” Jungkook stayed silent and that was answer enough.
Taehyung’s teasing expression softened slightly. “Did he forgive you?”
“No.”
“Good.” Jungkook looked offended immediately “What the hell?”
“You deserve suffering for at least a little longer.”
Despite himself, Jungkook laughed quietly. First real laugh in weeks. Taehyung noticed immediately too.“Yeah,” he murmured. “You’re really gone for him.”
Jungkook looked down at his phone again. At Seokjin’s simple message sitting there and realized he probably had been gone for a very long time.
The next meeting happened naturally. Almost awkwardly normal. Seokjin was at the bookstore café when Jungkook walked in unexpectedly. They both froze slightly upon seeing each other. Then Jungkook carefully approached.
“Can I sit?”
Seokjin hesitated. Then nodded once. And suddenly Jungkook felt irrationally relieved over something so small.
“You cut your hair,” Seokjin said quietly after a moment.
Jungkook blinked “Uh. Yeah.”
“It looks nice.” The compliment startled warmth directly into Jungkook’s chest.
“Thanks.” Silence followed, not unbearable this time. Just uncertain like they were relearning each other carefully.
Jungkook noticed Seokjin looked tired again -dark circles beneath his eyes “You’re not sleeping properly.”
Seokjin stared immediately “You noticed?”
Of course he noticed. Jungkook noticed everything about him. “You always rub your eyes when tired,” Jungkook muttered before thinking.
The familiarity of the statement made both of them go quiet because once upon a time, Jungkook knew Seokjin intimately. And despite everything—he still did.
“Minhyuk asked about you.” The sentence came unexpectedly.
Jungkook stiffened instantly. Seokjin noticed the reaction immediately too. And somehow—for the first time in weeks—a tiny bit of amusement flickered through his sadness.
“You still get jealous.”
Jungkook looked away immediately “I can’t help it.”
The honesty startled them both. Seokjin stared quietly.
“You really liked him,” Jungkook muttered.
“Minhyuk?” Seokjin shrugged slightly “He was nice.” The answer made something unpleasant twist inside Jungkook’s stomach again. “ And he still is,” Seokjin added carefully.
Jungkook clenched his jaw and Seokjin—despite himself—almost smiled. Because Jungkook looked so obviously bothered. The realization should’ve satisfied him. Instead it only made his chest ache more. Because the jealousy looked genuine. Painfully genuine.
“You know,” Seokjin said quietly, “part of me wanted you to get jealous.”
Jungkook looked up sharply “Why?”
“Because I wanted proof.”
“Proof of what?”
“That losing me actually hurt you too.” The vulnerability in his voice made Jungkook’s expression crumble instantly.
“Hyung,” he whispered, “it destroyed me.” And the terrifying thing was—Seokjin believed him immediately.
Weeks passed slowly after that, carefully like both of them were standing near broken glass afraid of bleeding again. Jungkook stopped pushing for forgiveness. Instead, he simply stayed -consistent, patient, honest. He answered questions directly now. Even uncomfortable ones -especially uncomfortable ones.
And Seokjin—despite himself—started letting him back in little by little. Dinner conversations, walks home, texts throughout the day. Tiny pieces of normalcy returning carefully between them. But the hurt still existed underneath. Always -especially during quiet moments.
Like tonight. They sat together on Seokjin’s couch watching a movie neither was paying attention to. The atmosphere felt soft, warm and dangerously familiar.
Then Seokjin suddenly asked quietly: “Did you ever laugh at me?”
Jungkook froze instantly. The question clearly came from nowhere and everywhere at once. Old wounds resurfacing quietly.
“No,” Jungkook answered immediately.
“Not even at the beginning?” Jungkook looked down.
“At the very beginning…” He swallowed hard. “I thought getting close to you would feel satisfying somehow.”
Seokjin’s chest tightened painfully. Jungkook continued before he could retreat. “But then you smiled at me.” Silence. “You trusted me so easily.” Jungkook laughed bitterly. “And suddenly I started feeling guilty instead of satisfied.”
Seokjin looked at him carefully “You should’ve stopped.”
“I know.”
“Why didn’t you?”
Jungkook’s expression broke slightly “Because I’m selfish.” The answer was so honest it hurt.
“I kept thinking I’d tell you tomorrow,” Jungkook whispered. “Then tomorrow became another week because every time I was with you…” His voice softened helplessly. “I just wanted more time.”
Seokjin stared down at his hands quietly. Because deep down—that sounded true too and maybe that was what made this whole thing so unbearable. Not that Jungkook never loved him. But that he did -Deeply. And still hurt him anyway.
“You really made a mess of us,” Seokjin whispered.
Jungkook smiled sadly “Yeah.”
Then after a long silence, very carefully—Jungkook moved closer. Slow enough that Seokjin could stop him. But Seokjin didn’t move away. Jungkook’s fingers brushed gently against his hand -warm, familiar.
Seokjin’s breath caught softly.
“I miss touching you,” Jungkook admitted quietly. The confession settled heavily between them because Seokjin missed it too. Missed him too, which was dangerous. Terribly dangerous.
Still—he didn’t pull his hand away.