Chapter Text
The lull of sleep after a long, disorienting day pulled at Nell's mind, urging her to rest. She wanted to so badly, despite the irritating material of the bed, but every time she closed her eyes and the silence began coaxing her mind into submission, there was the same interruption.
Buzz. Zap.
Nell's eyes shot open for the 10th time in the past hour. The crackle of what seemed to be an electric shock continued to her left, and Nell turned her head in its direction. She sat up just enough to prop herself up on her elbows before she tried to get her neighbor Allison's attention.
"Hey," Nell whisper-shouted after a single psst didn't work.
The blonde pushed the covers away from her face, looking only somewhat irritated. Multiple hair rollers covered her head, and she held an odd taser-like rod.
Nell narrowed her eyes at Allison. "What are you doing? It's," she checked the alarm clock to her right before whipping her head back around, "nearly 1 a.m."
"Aversion therapy. It's super fun—my personal favorite form of therapy, and I have a lot of experience in that area."
Nell only blinked at her, unimpressed.
"You… like pain." It came out as a statement, an assessment of Allison as a person rather than a question like Nell knew it should've been. She didn't understand masochistic tendencies.
Allison sent a curious glance Nell’s way as she considered that for a moment before she responded, "Eh, pain is whatever. What I like about AV is that I get to think about anything—” she waggled her eyebrows suggestively— "I want, and it counts as progress."
The eyebrow movement was unnecessary, in Nell's opinion. She got the gist from Allison's tone alone.
She didn't actually care what Allison, or anyone, got up to in that regard. Attraction to the same gender never mattered to Nell, and she had never allowed herself to dwell on anything like that anyways, so that's not what she had a problem with right now.
"I’m pretty sure that’s not how progress works. You've gotta stop it," Nell said, irritation slipping into her words. "I can barely sleep with the constant zapping."
Before Allison could defend herself or complain about Nell telling her what to do, another voice joined them in the darkness.
"Everyone has to hear her audible yearning. Welcome to the club. It's not important enough to keep me up.”
Nell leaned forward to get a better look at Andrea past Allison's bed. The girl was almost completely covered by the blanket—were there two layers?—and she was flat on her back, staring, unblinking up at the ceiling.
Andrea angled her head toward Nell slightly. It ruffled the layers of her hair. “You should try it.”
"Try what?” Nell asked. “AV?"
“No,” Andrea said. “Indulging in the art of not giving a fuck.”
Nell rolled her eyes and sighed, sure that continuing this anymore would get her nowhere, and settled back down on her bed with an exasperated thump. She closed her eyes, tried to relax, and then—
Buzz. Zap.
In one swift motion, Nell’s pillow was wrapped around her head, covering both ears and muffling the onslaught of zapping that followed.
"Just stop caring."
The sound continued from where Allison was holed up under her blanket again, and Nell pushed the noise to the back of her mind until it barely registered.
When she still couldn’t sleep, she gave in to the urge to argue. "You care enough to join this conversation," Nell spat.
"Not a conversation," Andrea pointed out, "an unsuccessful request and interrogation. Really, Josten, I figured you'd be better at that sort of stuff given your insatiable curiosity."
That felt like a jab at her confession hours before, and Nell tried not to feel embarrassed about it. She wasn’t interested in girls, wasn’t interested in anyone, and asking questions was the only way to make sense of this completely insane situation she found herself in.
Nell turned on her side, the mattress cover crinkling below her. She kept her back to the rest of the room so she faced the door, bits of moonlight streamed in from the windows.
“I guess not,” she said to no one in particular.
When deep breaths and consciously relaxing every muscle didn’t work, Nell tried to remember her method of falling asleep when her parents would argue; she imagined a different situation, a different life, usually one where her parents were happy, or, at the very least, where she was. But that barely worked then, and it definitely wasn't going to work now. Bits and pieces of Exy came to her instead, the heavy weight of a racquet in her hand, wrapped in old, rough grip tape. The echo of a ball sent all the way down court. But even that felt tainted now, and she was mostly unsuccessful, only falling asleep when exhaustion forced her.
✭
“Please let me use it,” Nicole begged.
The bathroom stall Nell was in made everything echo. She’d brought her bag in there five minutes after they were all meant to start getting ready and slogged her way through getting changed. It was a tight squeeze in there—the bathroom was clearly not meant to fit so many stalls or people—but Nell made it work.
“I don’t have one.”
“Oh, come on, Allison,” someone responded, Dan, maybe? “Don’t lie to her. No matter how many curlers you use, those front pieces are not heat-less.”
Nell pushed open the door and set her duffle bag on the one open part of the counter, squeezing in next to Boyd where they were drying their face. Nell started getting ready quickly as the other girls continued… whatever it was they were talking about.
“Fine,” Allison sighed. A cupboard creaked beneath the sinks, some shuffling. “Don’t,” she emphasized, and Nell looked up from where she was pointedly avoiding her own reflection to see Allison handing a curling iron to Nicole, “tell anyone else that I snuck this in. Especially Lola.”
Nicole took it gratefully and nodded. “Aye aye, Barbie.”
“Lord knows rule breaking is completely against the standards of femininity,” Boyd mocked.
Nell finished and gathered her bag, dropping it off by her bed before heading to the kitchen as quickly as she could. Almost everyone else was already there, preparing breakfast with Mike leading them enthusiastically. She didn’t know what to expect from the kitchen, but the chaos she found was definitely not it.
Despite everyone’s, or at least Nell, Andrea, and Allison’s, rough night, they were all very active—bread bags, condiments, and spreads were scattered across the island with what Nell believed was some sort of human conveyor belt. Mike stood at the end assembling sandwiches, Renee running toast back and forth, and Jean cutting up the in-between parts. Nell could’ve sworn kitchen duty was only assigned to the girls, but Jean was French, so maybe that’s why.
Those who were just behind Nell filed in and picked up something or leaned on a counter and started talking, or dozing off, like Nell started doing when she let herself slump against the wall.
Off to Nell's right, something hard hit the counter and jolted her awake.
Andrea almost grinned with satisfaction. “Rise and shine.” She stood in front of a waffle maker that had batter spilling over the closed edges. Andrea opened it to the overwhelmingly sweet smell of chocolate.
“Hey,” Nell said, sleepily but still managing to sound a bit irritated at being woken up. “Got enough waffles in your morning chocolate?” It was a gooey mess of rich brown, burned on the edges, with barely any of the supposedly cooked batter.
“No way,” Boyd interjected from somewhere deep in the pantry. “Is that chocolate I smell…” They poked their head out, staring down Andrea’s breakfast from where she was moving it to a plate and started drowning it in syrup. “Where the hell’d you get that from? Mike won’t even let me have coffee from Lola’s office. Saw it when she interrogated me,” Boyd clarified when the mentioned coffee peaked Dan’s interest.
“I got it from the man in the wood,” Andrea shouted, knocking on the thick wooden door frame while heading out to the cafeteria.
Mike sighed dramatically. “You girls can’t have coffee because it masculinizes, messes hormones allll up! See.” He flexed his arms. “Pure black coffee did this to me. It’s the epitome of heterosexuality!”
Nell noticed Jean flush and fumble with a tomato for a split second, nearly slicing his finger.
“You’ll learn all about it soon!”
✭
After breakfast—at which Nicole and Andrea were still isolated at their own table, Nicole looking a bit like a kicked puppy, but only for a second—they moved on to group therapy. It was held at a collection of tree stumps and logs turned on their sides near the woods. The grass was dying and faded from being so far from the house, where Nell had already seen Mike gardening to keep it vibrant.
They were sitting in a semicircle with Lola and Mike standing in front, and most of the session passed smoothly, if not boringly, with Renee talking about her faith for most of that time. Nell only started paying attention when Kevin cleared his throat.
“I haven’t grown up in the best environment.” He glanced at Jean then, his eyes neutral. “I think that might be part of it.” He said the last part to Renee.
Lola picked up from that concerning and vague comment. “And that is a great example of the kind of self reflection that will help you find your root!” She turned to Nell. “Have you given any thought to what your root might be?”
“Not really.”
“Don’t worry.” Jeremy put a hand on her shoulder, and Nell suppressed a flinch at the grating of her shirt against a sensitive patch of skin. “It’s hard to figure out sometimes.”
“If you need any help, you can ask me,” Dan said.
Nell didn’t really get the root thing. As far as she knew, there wasn’t some big event that made her like this. She said as much to the group.
Lola considered that. “Does anyone wish to report out their root as a reference for Nell?” She looked around the circle, then dipped her head toward the person on the end. “Andrea.”
“No.”
Lola looked concerned, or maybe irritated. “Andrea…” Condescension dripped from the name. “I think yours is a strong one and could benefit Nell in her own journey.”
“I don't think Nell needs any help. She’s got something up there in her skull just like the rest of us,” Andrea retorted.
“Deflecting,” Nell scoffed.
“No, not deflecting. I won’t be the example for an idiotic exercise.” Andrea leaned farther back on her stump.
“Funny,” Nell said. “Because it sounds like you're too arrogant to bring yourself down to our level.” Nell gestured to the others. “We’re all stuck here.” Nell felt the corner of her mouth twitch upward in sick glee. It was almost comical that this place—full of sunshine and bright colors—would be where she felt truly trapped, after everything she's been through. She was sent here like everyone else, and she might as well do the stupid steps to try and get out.
Andrea was making that difficult.
Lola sighed. “Fine, we can move on I suppose, Jean! How about y–”
“Oh, come on,” Nicole interrupted. “Andrea’s isn’t even crazy, she’s a twin.” She faced Nell then, her curled pony tail whipping around her shoulder. “Fraternal, so, you know, all genetically confused.”
Tension filled the air, and Nell couldn't bring herself to respond, looking to Andrea instead. Andrea stared her cousin down from across the semi circle. “I don’t need you to speak for me,” she said in a flat, almost menacing tone.
“I know,” Nicole started. “I just—” Andrea’s narrowed gaze was enough to silence her. A few painful seconds went by before Nicole tried again. “I’m sor—”
Lola roughly cleared her throat. “Jean! Please, share your root with the group!”
“I was born in France.”
A scattering of applause spread through the group that Nell belatedly joined in on.
Roots must be biographical facts. In that case, Nell might become known at this camp for being deeply disturbed.
✭
Not having anything to do was not something Nell had ever been particularly good at. Free time was not proving to be her thing. And reminiscing on Nell’s childhood would put anybody in a foul mood.
Boyd took a seat next to Nell on the edge of the rose garden’s brick wall where she sat, contemplating. Well, they weren’t exactly next to her—a safe foot away, but still. Nell’s pen scratched against her notepad as she crossed out a fourth attempt at a sentence. She put it down, still in her hand where it rested against her knees, and tilted her head at Boyd. The garden wall was barely high enough for Nell to sit without her knees touching her chest, so someone like Boyd—a nearly 6’4 giant—had to extend their legs out, rolling their heels side to side.
“Watcha working on?” Boyd asked.
“The stupid root thing,” Nell answered, exasperated. “Why do we even have to do this anyway? It’s conversion camp. Can’t they just… I don't know… tell me what it is. They’re the experts.”
Boyd looked uncertain and gave a slight shake of their head. “Yeah, not sure it works like that, man.”
Nell wished it did, so much of her life had worked that way. Her father had controlled who she was, what she did and did not do, and her mom had done the same, although her way seemed different. Her mother may have hit her at any sign of blossoming attachment to anything—and anyone—but Nell knew it was in both of their best interests that she stay away.
“You know,” Boyd started, “I don’t know what my root is, either.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah.” Boyd rubbed the back of their neck. “Roots are meant to be about, like, some childhood issues making you a homosexual, and that’s not my experience. Maybe that's because I’m not.”
“You don’t like girls?” Nell asked, confused.
Boyd chuckled. “Oh, I like girls. I definitely like girls, but I’m not gay.”
They looked at Nell expectantly, but she only frowned and said, “Huh?”
“I’m a trans guy,” he said simply. “Straight and a guy, in an unconventional way, sure, and I know the pink uniform doesn’t hint at it very well. That’s why I can’t find a root.” Boyd stared past Nell and after a moment looked back and added, “I’ll probably just make one up though. Hey, you got any crazy ideas I could use?”
Nell took in the information easily, maybe with a bit of shock, but it made sense—the use of his last name and reluctance to call himself a homosexual when they met. Nell didn’t mind and didn’t understand why anyone would. Boyd seemed to trust her, possibly even get along with her, and that meant the world.
Nell considered his question. Familiar reluctance to share any part of herself tugged at Nell’s mind, but she also felt that heavy need to be known pounding behind her ribs; she wanted to let something through. “Oh, do I. I have enough crazy childhood issue ideas to get you sent out of this place for loss of sanity.”
Boyd grinned at that and at Nell’s easy acceptance of him that he had shared despite their situation.
“Let me hear em!”
✭
A very important step was the process of rediscovering the correct—Lola emphasized that word and pointedly looked at each person not fitting in their assigned box, which was most of them—gender identity. For the girls, it included a fully teal room that made Nell miss the neon orange of Palmetto that she’d once complained about.
No one took well to being told they had to clean the entire thing from floor to ceiling. There was a nearly collective groan. Renee, for one, looked content.
“But I barely got any sleep,” Nicole complained, taking one for the team.
Lola considered that before shrugging. “When you all get fine, hardworking husbands, you will have to clean even while tired. Great practice, might as well start now!”
She began directing everyone to various cleaning equipment while Nell clenched her jaw to repress a yawn. Nell forced her eyes open—if she could stay awake for that tortuous nine hour drive to make sure her mom didn’t fall asleep at the wheel before they made it to Palmetto, then surely this was doable.
“The more you listen to it, the more it’ll merge with the buzzing between your ears,” Andrea said from her place next to Nell—the only other person not moving on to the task. She didn’t look as exhausted as Nell felt, as if she didn't need a full night's rest.
Lola instructed on the exact method and forms of vacuuming a carpet—forwards, backwards, repeat. The hand held vacuum part got a little weird. Lola had Boyd hold the handle for the demonstration and she repeated, “In and out, in and out,” while thrusting it in the air. Nell could feel the restrained laughter in the room.
Allison looked to Nicole, a brow raised humorously.
“God, what I wouldn't do for a good vacuuming right now,” Nicole whispered loud enough to make Dan laugh from a couple spots away.
The next activity was so, so much worse, because taking care of a baby, even a fake one, was not something Nell was interested in. It’s not that she hates kids, she doesn’t, but she doesn’t really want to be around them either. And these dolls are the worst, the kind that have realistic bodily functions, fluids and all.
Two of the boys came in, covered in some grass and what looked like grease.
Lola placed delicate hands on Kevin and Jean’s shoulders. “These young men put effort into rediscovering their masculinity, so they’ll be rewarded by participating in our activity!” Lola gestured to the changing tables. “Parenting is done by both men and women, together. So, Kevin with Nell, and Jean with Renee.”
She turned her full attention onto Nell and Renee.
“You girls picked up cleaning the fastest! I trust you’ll work well with these young men?”
Renee nodded emphatically, but Nell just stared before remembering she’s supposed to do the same. Nell did know how to clean, and that’s only because her father had treated her and her mom like personal maids. He would get angry if any of Nell’s toys were left out as a child. She had quickly learned that keeping him calm was the best thing she could do for herself, and stopped playing with toys all together. Once Nell became a teenager, she helped her mom around the house to help keep her safe, too.
Some part of Nell’s brain finally caught up to the fact that Kevin Day was standing next to her. And even though she wanted to ask questions about Exy—drills and his previous season—what he had said during group therapy about his environment stuck with her. Nell had heard rumors about Edgar Allan, everyone in the sport had, but they always seemed so absurd that Nell brushed them off as gossip about the only team with legacy players.
Despite her attempt to shake it off—they had a plastic infant to care for, afterall—Kevin noticed Nell’s curious look anyway and answered the wrong question. “Car stuff,” Kevin said, pointing to a dark smudge on his face. Nell was even more confused. The girls had been deep cleaning a room straight out of Candy Land while the guys apparently did an oil change in 97 degrees. “My dad taught me.”
Nell had to ignore how her heart skipped at the mention of David Wymack, one of Kayleigh’s proteges. She didn’t want to believe that Wymack was the not-the-best environment Kevin had talked about. But, most of Nathan’s coworkers, employees, and friends did not know how he truly was. Trusting kindness is dangerous; it clouds your judgment. Nell’s mom taught her that.
They attempted to follow Lola’s instructions, but the corners of the diaper just wouldn’t stick together. Nell and Kevin ended up arguing over new strategies to make it work. Lola tried to help, but then the doll released a stream of purple over her face.
“You’re doing it all wrong!” Lola shouted and pushed Kevin and Nell to the side. She had to wipe her face and blink a few times before continuing her demonstration. Nell checked to see if anyone else was struggling, most were already done and waiting patiently, but Nell noticed that Andrea wasn’t behind any of the tables.
Nell turned around to find her sitting cross-legged in the small alcove in the wall, right on the ledge, with ripped up paper in her hands and smaller pieces scattered around her. Andrea regarded Nell with a tilt of her head, expanding the bundle to reveal a chain of middle fingers, rough around the edges where she had ripped the paper away.
Nell forced her attention back to the table, but wondered why Andrea wasn’t participating.
✭
A few days passed in that same pattern: barely sleep, prepare meals, go through reorienting exercises, group therapy, repeat. The only reprieve was free time, which Nell felt more comfortable with now that Boyd started bringing her under his wing, trying to get Nell to talk to others and participate in whatever they chose to do that day.
On one of these days, a group of them were throwing a ball around and complaining about not getting enough sleep, either from the mattress covers or the incessant zapping sound from Allison every night.
“I don’t blame her,” Nicole said with a smirk and a pointed glance at Nell. “But I don’t think it's helping her a whole lot.”
Cody threw the ball to Boyd. “I’m glad I don’t have to deal with that all night. I could go without all the heart eyes from these guys though.” They jerked their head and shoulder past Kevin and in the general direction of Jean and Jeremy where they were walking a little too close to each other around the house. Nell wasn’t sure if Kevin was included in that observation.
Nell excused herself from the group and moved to a small hill nearby while they continued complaining and tossing the ball around. She settled in a spot near Andrea. Her arms were still covered in the black bands, despite the heat, and her eyeliner was smudged.
Andrea had been listening in on the conversation from a distance. Nell noticed that Andrea didn’t typically stray too far from Nicole.
“They’re still complaining,” Andrea noted coolly. “Its a waste of breath.” She took out her lighter and a pack of cigarettes, opened it to shake one out.
“So is smoking,” Nell retorted. Andrea looked at her, considering, and then shoved the cigarettes back into the pocket of her baggy shorts under the pink skirt. “You could join them, you know. No one’s making you stand here all brooding.”
“I would just be bored.” Andrea held the lighter between her thumb and forefinger, spinning it with her other hand.
“Do you get bored easily?” Nell asked.
“Yes.”
“Must be terrible, then, not being able to sleep. Boredom extended.” Nell recalled their conversation the first night, and added on, possibly to piss Andrea off, “Allison’s still keeping you up as well. Have you tried not caring?”
Andrea’s hand stilled for a second and she leveled Nell an uninterested stare. “My insomnia is unrelated to her.” She continued fidgeting with the lighter.
Nell wanted to respond, a snarky comeback to Andrea for acting holier than thou and staying away from everyone, or, maybe an insane part of Nell thought she should ask what was causing the insomnia. But she knew better than to ask too many questions and push her luck with someone as seemingly on edge as Andrea was. And it was not as if Nell cared anyway, so she settled on silence.
Nell felt the empty air beside her when Andrea left. She let herself look over her shoulder and saw Andrea standing before the porch steps, where Renee sat reading a book—the bible, Nell guessed.
She had no idea what those two could possibly have to say to each other.
✭
One day a week, free time was replaced with chore duty, referred to by Lola as ‘homo rinsing’, which sounded far more suggestive and gay than Lola must have realized.
Nell was assigned to sweep the wrap around porch, and she didn’t exactly love doing so at peak heat with sweat making her shirt cling to her back. She balanced the broom against the railing and went to rest in the girl’s dorm for a few minutes but stopped short a few steps in.
Andrea was in there, crouched in front of her bed, and definitely not making it up like she was supposed to.
A thick film of plastic was hanging on by an intact sliver on the corner. The entire end panel of the mattress was bare.
Andrea swiveled at the sound of the door closing. Metal glinted in her hand as she took in Nell, and Nell, in turn, took in the fact that Andrea had a knife. Nell didn’t want to think too hard about how she got it in here—shouldn’t there be a search for weapons at this place?—but she hoped Andrea wasn’t planning on doing anything else with it.
Nell moved further in.
“What?” Andrea nearly spat, accusatory.
Andrea was only taking off her own plastic cover. Nell hadn’t assessed her to be very giving over the past few days, but Nell looked over the rest anyway.
“It's not a bad idea,” Nell said. “A great idea, actually. You should keep it up for all of them.”
“Not my problem.”
“Fine.” Nell crouched in front of Allison’s bed, only a foot away from Andrea. “Let me try.”
Andrea’s eyes roamed over Nell, hovering over her left cheekbone for a fraction longer than the rest of her. Everyone did the same when they were close to her. The faded scar from a dashboard cigarette lighter was only noticeable close up, but a scar was a scar—unusual, jarring, and carried a story. People were always too curious about Nell’s story.
Andrea said nothing, though, and looked her in the eyes once more before putting her knife down. Two fingers slid beneath her arm band and pulled out a short blade with a different handle than the one she had been using. It was sleeker, less intricate. Andrea held it out, blade first.
Nell grabbed the offered knife close to the hilt, her fingers cool against the metal and hot where they grazed Andrea’s.
Nell got to work on the cover in front of her. The plastic was surprisingly easy to cut through, and she finished with the first bed while Andrea was still working on her own. Nell realized that the blade on her own knife was sharper than Andrea’s.
The silence was comfortable for a while, but when Nell was on her third bed, she started itching to talk to Andrea, to get a hint of something from the most apathetic girl at the camp.
“Has anyone ever gotten lost in the wood over there before?” Nell landed on the question while tearing a portion of plastic off the bed.
“How the fuck would I know,” Andrea said, only a bit prickly, which Nell saw as an improvement.
“Why not escape that way? Seems easy enough, and I doubt Mike is willing to run through the woods.”
Andrea paused then, and Nell almost thought it might mean something, but Andrea covered it by ripping the final part of her cover off. Oddly, she didn’t stop there. Nell watched as Andrea crossed the room to Renee’s bed and stabbed the tip of her knife into the plastic, starting the process again.
“No one escapes,” Andrea answered eventually. “Kevin would be the only one to make it.”
“Why do you think that?”
Andrea glanced Nell’s direction. “Have you not seen him?” Nell shrugged in response. “Well I’ve seen him. He runs every morning. Turns out he’s as much of a jock freak as you probably are.”
“Maybe I should join him,” Nell said. The idea of going on runs with Kevin Day seemed insane, but it was in her reach. Nell missed Exy desperately, and if she couldn’t have that, then maybe she could have running, something her coach had always praised her for. Nell remembered where she was and hesitated. “... would you report me to Lola, then?”
Andrea’s reply was immediate. “I don’t care what you do.”
Nell's face split into a smile and she let out a breath close to a laugh. At least Andrea wasn’t a snitch.
The comfortable silence returned, and they finished up with the covers, hopefully leaving everyone with a marginally better time spent in this house.
✭
Water cooled Nell’s throat as she chugged an entire bottle, leaning heavily against the porch railing, elbows the only thing holding her up right. Her pink shirt was tucked into her skirt, leaving her in only a tank top, but it wasn’t enough. She let the empty bottle fall to the ground and swiped her forearm across her brow, pushing off the sweat that had collected. It was too fucking hot for this.
Nell jumped a bit at Cody swinging around the corner, their hand slapping the wall to get her attention. “Lola wants to see you in her office.”
“Oh, okay, yeah. I’ll be there soon.” She pulled her shirt from her waistband and tried to shake the wrinkles out before putting it on.
Cody looked at her curiously. Nell returned the look.
“What,” she said.
“Nothing, nothing.”
When Nell got to the office, she wasn’t the only one called in. Andrea sat purposefully collapsed in one of the chairs. Realizing what might be happening, Nell tried to swallow the lump in her throat. She took a seat beside Andrea without glancing her way once. Lola started her lecturing terrifyingly strong.
“I know what you girls did.” Her voice was deeper with authority. “Vandalism is not welcome at True Direction, and it is never an activity for any young woman. And using our kitchen knives to do it? Disgraceful.”
Andrea uncrossed her arms and laid them on the arm rests instead. So, Lola didn’t connect the dots about Andrea having weapons on her. Nell didn’t know if that was a good or bad thing.
Andrea could probably feel the shape of the blades pressed into her skin beneath the bands. Nell could imagine this was quite funny to her.
One at a time, Lola aimed her stern glare at them. “One more slip up, and it’ll be a report to your parents.”
For a second, Nell thought Andrea might bring up that Nell had started going on morning runs with Kevin just to shift the blame, but she didn’t. Andrea nodded and raised her eyebrows.
“Are we done here?” Andrea asked.
“Yes.” When they started to get up, Lola added, “Back to free time, to be good! No scandalous activities!”
Nell followed Andrea to the back of the house, and once they stepped off the porch, Nell let her lips twitch upward for a moment. Andrea noticed.
“What’s wrong with your face, Junkie?”
“Nothing.” Nell pretended to wipe something off her mouth, put her hands on her hips, and kicked a pebble. A small part of her felt like what happened back in the office was progress. That Andrea letting Nell get away with their scheme made them… not friends, Nell didn’t have those, but not really strangers either.
Nell had to be careful about how she brought it up; talking to Andrea was like talking to a feral cat, bargaining with a paranoid creature using only her words, which famously got her in trouble.
“Why’d you let both of us take the fall back there? You could’ve easily pinned it on me,” Nell said. “It was my idea.”
“And it was my knives,” Andrea pointed out. “You have too much against me now, and I don’t have enough against you. It seemed like a lose-lose situation was the best choice.” She took out a cigarette and lit up. Nell watched the first clump of ash land in the dirt before speaking again.
“I wouldn’t have said anything to get you in trouble.” Andrea said nothing. “Backing people into a corner isn’t my thing, especially if I end up stuck there too. And given your hidden knives,” Nell trailed her eyes to Andrea’s forearms and back up, “There were a lot of things you could’ve done to tip the scales in your favor only. Are you sure that it didn’t have anything to do with m–”
Nell was cut off by Andrea walking away mid conversation with a sigh. Nell gaped at her as she headed swiftly toward the tree line.
“What are you doing? It’s very flammable out there!” Nell shouted at her back. Andrea still had most of her cigarette left, and she had a whole pack in her shirt’s front pocket before she turned away.
“I sure hope so!” Andrea called out without looking back, disappearing between the tall oak.
✭
Nell ended up in the front lawn and was greeted by a hug from Nicole.
“My savior!” Nell went stiff in the girl's arms. “You should’ve told us you were the one who got rid of those awful mattress covers. They were seriously killing me.”
Nell extracted herself from Nicole and saw how the others were looking at her.
“It was Andrea too,” Nell clarified. “Not just me.”
Everyone’s surprise was palpable. There were a few ‘oh’s. The only one to actually respond was Renee.
“Tell her we all say thanks.” Her smile was bright like usual, but Nell swore this one was a little different. She’d seen it before during orientation when Nell had met Andrea the first time.
“Yeah,” Nell said. “I will.” She glanced over her shoulder to the woods and swore she could smell the acrid smoke from there.