Chapter Text
From: [email protected]
Date: November 20, 15:19 UTC
Subject: Help wanted
Dear T,
Do you have any suggestions regarding how to avoid a person that you cannot seem to stop running into?
Please advise,
M
From: [email protected]
Date: November 20, 17:02 UTC
Subject: Re: Help wanted
Dear M,
Is this connected to that Jungian synchronicity phenomenon you were talking about before? If so, I’d say you should try not to read too much into things. Sometimes a coincidence is just that.
But to answer your question: I think my first and most effective tactic for avoiding people I do not wish to see is to throw myself into my work (yes, I understand the profound contradiction that my life presents, seeing as I do not actually like my job). Sadly, I am unable to wield this specific strategy with any success at present, since the one of the two people I wish to avoid most at the moment is specifically tied to my work. You can guess who that person is (spoiler alert: it’s R). The other person is the woman from the bar, who thinks I am the Worst Person In The World. You may be quick to provide reassurance that I am incorrect about this. Let me very gently dispel this notion, as I am absolutely certain that she wants nothing to do with me. We have run into each other several times since our disastrous first meeting, and she can barely stand to make eye contact with me, let alone talk to me.
Unfortunately, our mutual friend has not given up on trying to match us up. Every time that she invites me out, the woman from the bar (shall we call her WFB?) is also there. I’d use the work card to get out of it, but my friend also makes sure to invite R too, knowing full well that he will find a way to drag me out of the office. It works every time, because (and this may be ungentlemanly of me to say) I also feel a compunction to protect WFB from R, even if she doesn’t like me. I acknowledge the fact that I sound terribly patronizing, but it has less to do with her and more to do with him.
Wish I could be more helpful,
T
From: [email protected]
Date: November 20, 17:19 UTC
Subject: Re: re: Help wanted
Dear T,
We can talk more about the R friend/work situation after, but I can’t help but be distracted by what I just read about you “protecting” WFB from R. Are we about to have our first fight? Because you are correct in saying that it’s patronizing. I obviously don’t know who WFB is, but speaking as a woman, please give her a chance to figure things out on her own. You cannot and should not assume to know her own mind.
With all seriousness,
M
From: [email protected]
Date: November 20, 17:59 UTC
Subject: Re: re: re: Help wanted
Dear M,
I don’t want to fight! Trust me, I know I’m being an ass. Email posturing notwithstanding, I am painfully aware that I don’t have the right to interfere (it’s not like there’s much I can do anyway, aside from standing there looking cross).
It’s just…I know my friend. R is very engaging. People can’t help but love him, even when he’s annoying the life out of them. But he has the tendency to be cavalier with people’s feelings – not maliciously so, but certainly reckless. I also happen to know that he’s interested in her in a more-than-friendly way, which (and maybe it’s just a byproduct of having sisters, which is also a little ridiculous since they’re all older than I am) makes me feel oddly uncomfortable/protective.
Or maybe…maybe I’m just envious that he’s able to make friends with people as easily as he does, and it annoys me that it’s so much easier for him to talk to WFB than it is for me. I feel quite childish for saying it, but the more I see her (not just with R, but in general), the more I think I actually would like to be friends with her. Does that sound as terribly pathetic as I think it does? Because I have no idea how to begin, and since it’s clear she does not have a similar interest, I’m trying my best to give her space…hence my very unsuccessful efforts to avoid her.
Regardless, you’re right. Please forgive my presumption. I am clearly struggling here.
T
PS- This would not be our first fight. Our first fight happened in the early days of our email acquaintance, when you said that you preferred nonfiction over fiction/poetry…your exact words were “I prefer facts to whimsy.” Luckily, our friendship survived, but it was touch and go for a moment there at the beginning.
From: [email protected]
Date: November 20, 19:59 UTC
Subject: Re: re: re: re: Help wanted
Dear T,
Fight is over. You clearly need a hug.
Please allow me to remind you that you are an amazing human, and any person would be lucky to call you their friend. I understand the inclination to compare yourself to R— trust me, I have spent my entire life comparing myself to my much more beautiful and accomplished sisters, and it takes more effort than I’d like to admit to not give into that instinct— but R’s behaviour shouldn’t affect how you go about things.
I stand by my previous comments, though. WFB is an adult. Let her struggle through the journey of human interaction just like the rest of us!
R aside, I actually don’t think you should try to avoid WFB at all. If you want to be this girl’s friend, just…be your usual fantastic self. She will come around. I’m absolutely positive about this.
And don’t you dare tell me to take my own advice when it comes to my own social anxiety, or we will fight anew.
M
PS- I had nearly forgotten about that! I still prefer facts, by the way. But the whimsy is growing on me.
From: [email protected]
Date: November 20, 21:17 UTC
Subject: Re: re: re: re: re: Help wanted
Dear M,
I do not deserve your forgiveness, but I thank you for it all the same…and I will certainly attempt to take your advice to heart the next time I see WFB (which will probably be sooner than I think).
Let’s return to your current predicament. Who is this person you keep running into, and why do you feel the need to avoid them? Is this the same guy from the bar, as well? Even if I’m not able to impart much in the way of advice, I can still try.
T
“Mary, I’m going to have to insist on this. You’re not working on Friday.”
“But I always work on Fridays.”
“I know, but for once I want you to think about yourself and have a fun evening,” Madeline replied.
“I have fun evenings,” she argued, waving a hand in Ann’s direction. “This one here has been forcing me to go out nearly every night for the past two weeks.”
Ann pointed a finger at her. “You cannot use the words ‘force’ and ‘fun’ together in a single statement and honestly think either of us will believe you’re actually having a good time.”
“Well that’s hardly my fault, is it?” Mary retorted. “Besides, we’re hosting trivia on Friday night! I love trivia. I don’t want to miss it so that we can go to yet another bar.”
“You don’t need to miss trivia night,” Madeline reasoned. “There’s no reason you can’t have some fun socializing here.”
“She’s right,” Ann agreed. “And it’s not like Clarke is going to feed you the answers just because you work here. She’s got a reputation to uphold as Quizmaster.”
Mary looked from Ann to Madeline and back again.
“So you won’t let me work, because you want me to have fun playing trivia?”
The two women nodded solemnly.
“Go on, Mary,” Madeline said. “You’ll have a much easier time socializing if you’re in a familiar place doing something you enjoy.”
Mary considered this. “All right, I’ll do it.”
“Great!” Ann and Madeline both looked delighted, which pleased Mary…just before suspicion set in.
“Wait a minute. What’s the catch?”
Ann smiled at her, all innocence. “No catch, Mary. You’ll be the perfect addition to our team.”
“Hold on. You already have a team?”
“Oh, I didn’t tell you? Tom, Will, and I do pub trivia— or at least, we used to when we were in uni. Will’s really just there for the drinks, and Tom’s often too busy to play most weeks, but I already asked them and they'll both be here on Friday.”
Mary frowned. Why did it feel like the universe was constantly conspiring against her?
“Ann,” she said warningly, “you can’t keep doing this.”
“And you can’t keep trying to avoid Tom,” Ann argued back. “No matter how many times you tell me that he hates you. I’m sorry, but I don’t see how it could possibly be true. I've known him since we were teenagers, and he doesn’t have a cruel bone in his body.”
“I think Ann is right,” Madeline agreed. “Tom is lovely.”
Mary did a double take. “You’ve met him?”
Madeline hesitated for a moment. “We had him round for dinner a few days ago,” she said. “He was great company. Even the kids loved him.”
“Wait. He shows up at our shop out of the blue one day, and suddenly you’re having him over for dinner?”
“That’s not important right now,” Madeline replied. “The point is, Tom is a sweetheart. I can’t imagine him hating anyone. I don’t want you to feel like I’m dismissing your feelings— if you truly believe he dislikes you, we can’t force you to be friends— but I do think you should consider the possibility that this is all just one big misunderstanding.”
“Yeah,” Ann piped up. “You’ve barely spoken to him. You can form your own opinions about him, but you can’t just assume—”
“Let me try putting it this way,” Madeline cut in gently. “When I was on my gap year before university, well before smartphones were the norm, I travelled to Spain for the very first time. Before I left, everyone had told me that while I was there, I had to try gazpacho. So, when I arrived in Sevilla, that is exactly what I did. And I hated it. I thought the waiter was trying to play a trick on me by serving me incredibly runny salsa and calling it soup. I was very upset, perhaps because I was very young and traveling alone…but then someone at the table next me kindly explained that gazpacho is actually meant to be served cold. I’d had no idea! But once someone had given me that extra context, I was actually able to enjoy my meal.” She paused, looking thoughtfully at Mary. “Do you…do you understand what I mean?”
Mary paused. “Um…that you should thoroughly research food customs before you travel to foreign countries?”
Ann threw her hands up in the air. “She means that Tom is the gazpacho!”
“Tom is the human equivalent of cold tomato soup?”
“No!” Ann cried. “Tom is a lovely man who deserves to be given a chance!”
Madeline stepped forward, putting her hand on Mary’s shoulder. “Just…try to keep an open mind come Friday. Ann will be there, and I’ll be in the background helping out. If you need us for any reason, we will be right there with you. But you never know…you could actually end up enjoying being on the same team.”
Mary sighed. She could not help but admit that when it came to the big picture, there was little evidence that Tom Hayward was anything other than a stand up guy. She just didn’t feel like acknowledging that to them.
She also didn’t want to acknowledge the little flip her stomach had done when she’d seen Tom roll up his sleeves to play darts at the pub the other night. It felt horribly objectifying considering how little she actually knew of him.
Still. Nice guy or not, she wasn’t convinced Ann and Madeline were right about Tom’s perception of her. Their interactions, limited as they were, all pointed to the same conclusion: he didn’t want anything to do with her. Avoiding Tom simply made life easier for both of them.
Unfortunately, Mary also knew that she wouldn’t be able to avoid him forever. Especially not if Ann had anything to do with it.
—
From: [email protected]
Date: November 21, 09:59 UTC
Subject: How many friends does one actually need, anyway?
Dear T,
At this point, I’m not even sure advice on how to avoid this person will make any difference; doing so seems impossible given my friends— okay, my one friend— and her determination to engineer social situations where both of us will both be present. I’m pretty sure she has gone so far as to enlist my boss’s help, seeing as they share a similar interest in having me meet more people. I really don’t understand why, to be honest. Isn’t it enough that I have people in my life (them, you) with whom I can actually be honest and open? Do I really have to do the same in other environments? I feel that has to be too much to ask.
I wish more people knew that having too many close friends is actually more detrimental to one’s health than having a few; studies have indicated that the optimal number of close friendships is four, and I feel like I’m pretty close to that.
I will say, though, that I am envious of your ability to be a functional human being in social contexts. Please, teach me your ways.
I await your wisdom,
M
From: [email protected]
Date: November 22, 19:56 UTC
Subject: Re: How many friends does one actually need, anyway?
Dear M,
I hardly think that I am any more of a sage than you are when it comes to dispensing adulting advice, especially since you have a far greater command of psychological studies than I do. The only real reason I am pretty good in mixed company is that I ask people questions and then let them do all the talking. It’s not hard to at least pretend to be interested (at least half the time, it turns out they are legitimately interesting, anyway). My trouble (as you can probably guess) seems to be afterwards, when it comes to forging more meaningful relationships and connections. Case in point, the WFB situation. Unfortunately I think that I sometimes hold even my closest friends a bit at arm’s length. The only person I really feel I can be truly open and honest with is you, and we don’t even know each other’s real names. So you see, I’m not as put together as you might think.
Wouldn’t it be nice if we could trade skills, so that you could interact with people on a surface level like me, whereas I could be more like you, and actually develop deeper friendships with the people I already know? Together we seem to make two halves of a well adjusted adult.
At the risk of getting into another fight, though…I have a feeling that you’re underestimating how much people would like to get to know you. If you keep running into this person despite the fact that they hate you, perhaps your assumption is incorrect? Maybe they don’t hate you after all? I won’t pretend to know them, but I know you, and I’m just saying…it’s hard for me to imagine anyone disliking you, let alone hating you.
Instead of my usual poem of the day, let me close this email by offering a proposal: I will resist the urge to assume WFB hates my guts, and make an honest effort to engage her in conversation…if you promise to do the same with this person you have been trying to avoid (or indeed, any new people your friends try to introduce you to in the near future). I feel like if we hold each other accountable, we both just might have a chance…
Virtual pinky promise,
T
From: [email protected]
Date: November 23, 08:43 UTC
Subject: Re: re: How many friends does one actually need, anyway?
Dear T,
You have yourself a deal.
Pinky promise activated,
M
Tintern had been right, of course.
Or maybe it had been Madeline’s suggestion about trivia night that had made all the difference.
Whether because she’d been distracted by the competition, or simply because she’d been in familiar territory, Mary’s mood that evening at The Game Garden felt so much more at ease than in all the other spots Ann had dragged her to. Tom, she noticed, seemed to feel the same way. The awkward silences that had characterized prior interactions were replaced with intense whispered debates over the correct responses to Clarke’s questions. The answer sheet passed back and forth between them so frequently that Ann insisted Tom trade seats with her so that he and Mary could sit and work together. Neither of them had protested, determined as they were to win.
Mary quickly discovered that beneath his cool, relaxed exterior, Tom Hayward was an incredibly competitive guy— and absolutely brilliant at trivia. What’s more, he was brilliant in all the areas Mary struggled in. She had an edge in science, while he had an encyclopedic knowledge of literature. Both seemed to be well matched when it came to history, sports, and music. They complemented each other so perfectly that, between the two of them, they had solid answers to nearly every question that came their way.
Ann and Will, for their part, contributed to the team effort primarily by trekking to the bar area downstairs to fetch drinks and snacks.
When the game was over and their victory announced, Tom turned to Mary, grinning as he held up a hand to give her a high-five.
“Really well done, Mary,” he said. “You’re a genius!”
Her traitorous stomach did that little flippy thing again. “You’re pretty good as well, Mr. Hayward.”
“I think this calls for another round,” Ann announced. “Will, could you give me a hand?”
“Of course,” he said gallantly. “I think I owe Mary a drink for saving us from ruin during the space exploration round. I had no idea that fruit flies were the first animals to be sent into space.”
“It’s a common misconception that a dog was the first,” Mary said matter-of-factly. “But in reality the fruit flies beat Laika by about eleven years.”
“Incredible,” Will replied with a grin.
“Come on, Will!” Ann scolded, pulling him away from the table. “I want to get to the bar before there’s too much of a line.”
Ann cast a pointed look over her shoulder at Mary as they walked off, leaving Tom and Mary alone. Silence fell between them.
“I feel—”
“I think—”
They both stopped suddenly, laughing awkwardly.
“Sorry, what was it you were going to say?” Tom asked.
“I was going to say, I think tonight might be the most we have talked to each other since Ann introduced us,” Mary replied. She cringed as she spoke, hoping that her words didn’t come out wrong.
Tom smiled faintly. “I think you might be right,” he agreed. “You should know, it’s not that, well—”
“No, no, of course not,” Mary said, fighting the urge to blush. “I know what you mean. Ann can be very…assertive. Sometimes it feels like a lot.”
“Is that why you leave whenever I enter the room?”
“What? No, I don’t—” Mary stopped herself. “Okay, yes, I do. But only…only because I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”
Tom seemed bewildered by this. “Uncomfortable? I thought I was the one making you uncomfortable.”
“Oh, God, no. I just…I guess I figured…since Ann seems so hell-bent on playing matchmaker…you didn’t want to give me the wrong idea, or something.”
“That’s not true at all! I mean, I’m not exactly…listen, it’s not that I don’t think you’re nice or anything, but I—”
“It’s okay,” she assured him. She looked around to see if Ann had returned before continuing. “If it helps, I feel the same way. Ann doesn’t know, so please don’t say anything, but there’s kind of…a thing. With someone else. She doesn’t know him—”
“Oh, I would never—”
“It’s fine. I mean, thank you, I appreciate that,” she replied, surprised at the relief she felt that he had promised to keep her confidence. She shot him a tentative smile. “I know she means well with you. If you’re friends with her too, you can’t be all bad.”
Tom chuckled. “You can’t be all bad, either.” He paused, as if trying to work out something in his head, before coming to a decision. “You know, I feel like you and I could be pretty good friends. Do you think we could maybe start again?”
Mary smiled, more brightly this time. Friendship could be good. “I’d like that.”
From: [email protected]
Date: November 23, 23:56 UTC
Subject: Important question
Dear T,
What are your thoughts on trivia? I went this evening and it was incredible, we completely destroyed every other team there. It might be one of the few things I am truly competitive about.
M
PS- I also successfully made friends with one of my trivia teammates! Be proud of my new and improved social prowess. This whole accountability thing might actually work.
From: [email protected]
Date: November 24, 00:19 UTC
Subject: Re: Important question
Dear M,
Pub trivia is not something I get to do as often as I’d like, but all I can say is that if you think your team is good, you will unfortunately meet your match if you ever encounter mine. I attended a trivia night tonight as well, and it was no contest. My team swept the floor with the competition (we adopted a total ringer into our group tonight, and no, I won’t be sharing my new friend with you), and I fear that your team would encounter the same fate were we ever to cross paths.
With all apologies,
T
PS- I’m so glad you made a new friend to witness your brilliance! That may be an even better prize than winning at trivia (but not by much).
From: [email protected]
Date: November 24, 00:38 UTC
Subject: Re: re: Important question
T-
Challenge accepted. Your team has no chance at all.
M
PS- I’m pretty sure my new trivia friend is better than your new trivia friend.
From: [email protected]
Date: November 24, 00:52 UTC
Subject: Re: re: re: Important question
M,
I feel like this competitive nature is a side of you I haven’t seen yet. Not complaining at all— I am very entertained and more than a little intrigued. Perhaps one of these days we can combine forces and rule the trivia roost?
T
PS- With regard to new trivia friends, this will have to be one of the few times that I must be forced to correct you. However, I will confess that friendship with this person is very new and potentially tenuous, especially since it happens to be WFB (!)
From: [email protected]
Date: November 24, 01:10 UTC
Subject: Re: re: re: re: Important question
Dear T,
I’m afraid that trivia is not the only thing I am competitive at. If we were to join forces, as it were, that would require an assessment of your proficiency with word games, Pictionary, charades, and karaoke.
If you could speak to your qualifications in any or all of these areas, we may be able to undergo proper negotiations in earnest.
Yours etc,
M
PS- WFB came around??? I knew it! That said, seeing as this is the same girl who didn’t notice you before, she cannot possibly be as brilliant as you claim.
From: [email protected]
Date: November 24, 01:29 UTC
Subject: Re: re: re: re: re: Important question
Dear M,
Your mention of Pictionary has struck me at the weakest point. My artistic talent is so unbearably awful that if you were ever to see one of my drawings for yourself, I’d fall into a shame spiral so deep that you would never be able to pull me back to the surface.
This is not an exaggeration. You would be loath to call me a man of feeling or creativity of any kind.
Charades, however, I can do. Same goes for the word games (I feel like this should not surprise you). As for karaoke…I have been told I have a moderately good singing voice. I did not, however, realize that karaoke was inherently competitive in nature…please expand on this at your leisure.
Yours sincerely,
T
PS- Agree to disagree? It’s okay though, we talked it out and agreed that we are better off as friends anyway. At some point I’m going to have to come clean about the reluctant threat I pose to her livelihood, but for now, I’m just happy that we cleared the air. Hoping this means my social life gets a little less awkward moving forward.
From: [email protected]
Date: November 24, 01:39 UTC
Subject: Re: re: re: re: re: re: Important question
Dear T,
I’ll need to see an example of your art in order to develop a more informed opinion; as you seem to have tendencies toward self-deprecation, I remain skeptical.
Karaoke is absolutely competitive in nature. Do you seriously mean to tell me that you do not, at minimum, have a go-to song for when you’re forced to perform in public?
M
PS- I’m glad you cleared the air. Keeping fingers crossed for both of us that things go more smoothly on the IRL friend side.
From: [email protected]
Date: November 24, 02:01 UTC
Subject: Re: re: re: re: re: re: re: Important question
M,
It is with deep regret that I humbly submit the attached drawing. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
I don’t have a go-to karaoke song per se; I generally go with the classics, I guess, but I will admit to gravitating towards artists that I at least know fit my vocal range. What about you?
T
Attachment: destroythisimmediately.jpg
From: [email protected]
Date: November 24, 02:35 UTC
Subject: Re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: Important question
T,
I’m so sorry. You were right— you’re quite terrible at this. I’m sad to say I don’t quite know what it is that you’ve actually drawn? Please forgive me for doubting you. I’ll never do it again.
In terms of karaoke songs, I actually have a small repertoire of songs that I choose from. I update the list on a semi-annual basis and have them ranked based on criteria such as theme, difficulty, and current popularity. However, I can’t tell you the song titles— I keep the list a closely guarded secret. Even if I know we’re unlikely to ever meet, one can never be too careful.
If you can’t tell, karaoke is very important to me. Not because I get to do it often, but because it’s one of the few places I actually come out of my shell. If I’m not going to wow the audience, why even do it?
Sorry not sorry,
M
From: [email protected]
Date: November 24, 02:55 UTC
Subject: Re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: Important question
M,
That is a duck. Yes, I am aware that it has too many legs. I’ve decided that it is stepping on a plant.
May I say that your top secret karaoke playlist is incredibly intriguing? I clearly need to step up my game and be more intentional about my own song choices! You must have an amazing voice. I had no idea that these kinds of pursuits brought out this side of you, and I have to admit that I’m a little sad I’ll never get to witness your superior skills in person.
As much as I’m enjoying this exchange, unfortunately I must sign off as I’m realizing I’ve been awake for nearly 19 hours. Feeling very grateful I don’t have work in the morning…
I’d already had a really good night tonight, but thanks for making it even better.
Sweet dreams, wherever you are-
T
Despite the late hour, Mary still felt a little too giddy to sleep. Between the triumph of winning trivia, making friends with Tom, and emailing back and forth with Tintern, it had truly been one of the best evenings she had had in a very long time. She smiled to herself as she pictured what it might be like for her and Tintern to do all the things they had talked about— arguing over his awful drawings, belting out songs at karaoke— and how much fun they could have in each other’s company.
Of course, that would mean breaking The Rules, so it would never happen. It probably wasn’t a good idea to dwell on stuff like that.
Instead, Mary’s mind turned to Tom, who she could actually do all these things with. They were friends now, or at least, they had agreed to try. She still had questions about him— questions like how he’d managed to befriend her aunt and uncle, for one thing— but Ann and Madeline had been right. Tom really was a genuinely nice guy, and one she wanted to know better…and for some reason, he felt the same. She could work with that. At minimum, it was a relief to know that they didn't have to avoid one another anymore.
Mary’s thoughts strayed back to Tintern. Like her, he had found a way to turn the awkwardness with WFB around, and the two were now on the road to a tentative friendship. She was happy for him, even if she still had doubts about the woman. But why had she neglected to tell Tintern that the new friend she had made that night was the same person she had been avoiding so assiduously?
A stab of guilt pierced the bubble of giddiness as Mary realized that she had done it on purpose. For some reason, she didn’t actually feel comfortable talking to him about becoming friends with Tom. She didn’t like the weird feeling it stirred up inside her.
Mary wasn’t used to hiding things from Tintern. Of course, technically that wasn’t true at all; The Rules made sure that most of the specific details of her life remained obscured. But when it came to talking about her thoughts and feelings, at this point Mary had become accustomed to the frankness with which she could talk to him. It was an odd feeling to sit with, knowing that she was keeping part of her life, small and insignificant though it may be, out of the conversation.
And yet, it felt very necessary.
If there was one thing she knew, it was that TinternAbbeys and Tom Hayward were two men that she could not have occupying the same space in her brain. There was only room for one of them at a time.