Chapter Text
“Zanka, eat,” he says, holding out a spoonful of soup that Alice said was ok for him. He got a small portion, just enough so that it doesn’t cause any harm. Zanka groans, turning away. Teenage attitude sure is a thing… Enjin tells himself, sighing. “Zanka, you need to eat. I’m not asking, I’m telling.”
“Stop babying me,” Zanka spits out, his words almost like venom. “I’m fine,” the kid insists, but Enjin knows better than to trust Zanka right now. The kid lies when it comes to his own wellbeing, something he now has to keep track of.
“Zanka, I’m not babying you. I’m just trying to make sure you don’t pass out on the ground or die,” he says calmly, and Zanka freezes slightly, the prospect of dying scaring him a bit, but he refuses to acknowledge it. He can’t let Enjin see him as weak.
“Sure ya aren’t…” he says, and Enjin’s jaw almost drops from the sheer amount of sass coming out of this boy right now. “I don’t got nuthin wrong wit me, so stop babying me,” he insists, but Enjin doesn’t move. Zanka looks away for a second, hoping that maybe Enjin will leave. But alas, he still has a spoon in front of his mouth. Enjin cocks a brow, and Zanka graons before finally giving in.
It taste good. He forgets how good food tastes sometimes until he eats it, but he doesn’t know if he can manage to finish the whole bowl. Slowly, with shaky hands, he takes the soup from Enjin and starts eating slowly. He manages a few more bites before he feels sick at the thought of eating, putting the soup down on the side table.
Alice warned Enjin that it might take a bit of time to get him comfortable eating whole servings, so he tries not to be too upset. He’s just glad he got the kid to finally eat. A win is a win in his books, and he thinks that this is a pretty big win.
“Sorry… Can’t eat anymore…” Zanka says, looking down at his hands before glancing over at Lovely Assistaff. “You’re all good, Zanka. I’m just glad you managed to eat something,” he tells the boy, watching as he smiles a bit. “Wan’t me to grab Lovely?” He asks, and Zanka nods enthusiastically, his eyes wide with happiness when Enjin places is vital instriment in his hands.
They sit in silence for a bit longer before Enjin takes a deep breath and asks the question he’s been dreading asking. “Hey, Zanka?” The boy looks up at him, the previous excitement quickly washed away. “When did, uhh… this start?” He asks, and Zanka freezes, looking at Enjin with shock before lowering his head slightly.
“A while ago…” he says, and Enjin wonders if he can get more out of the kid. “Do you remember why you started doing this?”
“Uhh, it was cause my dad never let me eat if I didn’t earn it…” Zanka tells him, and Enjin decides that’s enough questions for today.
.
.
Slowly over time, Zanka started being able to eat more and more food without feeling guilty. He did slip up sometimes, ending up with nights where he would go over to Enjin, tears streaming down his face as he apologizes for messing up.
The first time it happened, Enjin was originally a bit pissed off at the kid. But then he realized just how distraught the kid seemed, and he suddenly became very glad that Zanka would come to him when he messed up rather than stewing in his room.
.
.
It had been a few years since he’d slipped up, and he was genuinely pretty proud of himself and his progress. That is, until Rudo came around. He tried so hard to stop himself from falling back into his old habits from his Hell Guard days, but they slowly started to come back.
It started off small. Small enough that no one really recognized it, not even Zanka himself. He started missing meals to go training, but no one asked him any questions because it had been so long. Eventually, Riyo forces him to join them for what she called “family dinner,” sliding a tray in front of him. He rolls his eyes but eats anyway.
He feels sick as he eats. Almost as if the food he’s consuming is going to kill him somehow. By the end of dinner, he finds himself moving to his bathroom, sticking his fingers down his throat. He has to get it out. He can’t eat until he’s better than Rudo.
The trance lasts for a few hours until he looks in the toilet and realizes what he just did. No… No, no, no, no, no… He flushes the toilet, his breath coming in short, labored gasps as he looks at himself in the mirror, his eyes shot from what he just did. Tears begin to well in his eyes.
Without thinking, he grabs Lovely and heads over to Enjin’s room, glad that no one else is awake right now. Would Enjin even be awake right now? He doesn’t care. He needs to talk to Enjin. He has to.
.
.
A knock on the door startles him from his sleep. He groans, slightly annoyed, but stands up. He expects Rudo to be there, complaining about a nightmare, or maybe Riyo just wanting to bother him because she can’t sleep. The last thing he expects is for Zanka to be crying outside his door, his eyes bloodshot and his shoulders trembling. He knows this look. He’s seen it multiple times before, but that was years ago. Surely Zanka hasn’t relapsed after going this long without one?
“‘M sorry,” he mumbles, and Enjin knows that sound well enough to know that this is, in fact, about him relapsing. “Please don’t hate me, ‘m so sorry, Enjin,” he says, and Enjin grabs him by his shoulder, moving him inside the room, guiding him to the bed like he has done so many times in the past.
“Zanka, look at me,” he says, and the boy looks up at him, his face one of guilt and disgust. “I don’t hate you, Zanka. I just wanna know why. Why now after so long?”
“I–” Zanka’s breath catches in his throat. “Rudo… He’s so much better than me–”
Before he can finish talking, Enjin grabs him and pulls him into a hug, lying down in the bed. Zanka sobs, and Enjin just rubs his back. He knows how Zanka gets, especially when he’s like this. He knows that the only thing he can do is offer comfort to the boy and wait for him to stop crying.
“Rudo isn’t better than you, Zan,” Enjin tells him, and Zanka nods into his chest. “I asked you to train him because I know you can, ok? You’re one of the best we have, Zanka, and I can’t have you thinking so poorly of yourself that you end up going back to past habits, ok?” Zanka nods into his chest some more, tears and snot covering the older mans chest.
After a while, the crying subsides, and Enjin pulls his head to look at him a bit. Zanka pouts a bit, trying to move his head away. “I forget that you’re just a kid sometimes, ya know?” Enjin jokes, squeezing his cheeks together as Zanka protests. Enjin just laughes, pressing a kiss to the top of his head like he does to all of his kids. “‘M not a kid,” Zanka pouts.
“Sure you aren’t,” Enjin says, releasing his face from his grip and letting him burry his face in his chest again. “Love you, kid,” Enjin says. “Love you, too…” he admits. It’s not often that Zanka admits to loving anyone, so he can’t help but smile at the admission. “You should tell us you love us more,” Enjin tells him.
“I tell Riyo I love her all the time,” he admits, and Enjin fakes being shocked. “But you don’t tell me that you love me?” He asks, and Zanka chuckles slightly. “I feel weird telling you I love you,” he admits, and Enjin rolls his eyes.
“Goodnight, kid.”