Chapter Text
As the screen faded back to the scene of the crime, Lee could be seen pleading his case to his new principal. "But, sir, I was in the washroom the whole time. I-it couldn't have been me."
“A valid point,” Mirio pointed out. “But his absence can still be used against him.”
The strange beeping started up again, inducing a short-lived panic among the students. The beeping! It's happening again! HIDE!"
"It's coming from over there!" one student shouted, pointing in the source’s direction. The object in question turned out to be Lee’s backpack; the beeping tone increased in speed until it finally stopped with a puff of smoke.
"Whose bag is this?" Principal Barrage demanded, lifting the bag for all to see. Mrs. Ping's eyes widened as she recognized it clearly.
"Kinda looks like...mine," Lee reluctantly admitted.
“Aaand… Boned,” Juzo, Setsuna, Mina, Sero, and Mirko stated bluntly.
Principal General Barrage rushed over to the accused teen for some answers. "If you didn't do it, why do you have blueprints for the school?" To drive the point home, he held up Lee's partially open bag in the boy’s view, stuffed with said blueprints and other items relevant to the prank. "Schematics of the sound system? Recipes for stink. Bombs?!?"
The assembled crowd began to murmur angrily. Despite everything, Lee nervously let out a few giggles.
“Why is the Lee boy laughing when he’s in trouble?” Eri asked innocently.
“He couldn’t help it, Eri,” Aizawa answered. “Sometimes stress makes us react inappropriately at the worst time.”
“Which is why ‘Dad-zawa’ has yet to make me ‘Mama Joke’, sweetie,” Ms. Joke teased.
“The day that happens is the day I find you remotely funny,” the ornery hero put bluntly.
"Well, well, you think this is funny. Well, let's see what a knee-slapper it is reporting to the sub-basement every single day at FIFTEEN FIFTEEN!" The students’ confused mutterings prompted Barrage to clarify himself. "THAT'S THREE-FIFTEEN PM FOR YOU YOGURT-EATING TREEHUGGERS!"
“It truly baffles me how there are still nations that haven’t adopted the twenty-four-hour clock,” Endeavor criticized. “This and unstandard measurements are feeding grounds for inefficient confusion on the field.”
“I see it more like an ingrained preference,” All Might argued half-heartedly. “Much like how people in some nations drive on the right side of the road instead of the left.”
"Everyone is gonna hate him!” Camillio whispered to Holger on the sidelines. “And us! 'Cause we hang with him!"
They noticed Mrs. Ping walking towards her son. "Ja. But at least his mummy still loves him," Holger commented, somehow missing the scowl on her face.
Mrs. Ping got right in her son’s face, ready to rain down her own punishment. "When you get home, you go straight to your room! YOU ARE GROUNDED FOR A FULL YEAR, EH?!?"
“That’s that, then,” sighed Kyoka. “His social life is officially over.”
“But that leaves the reason as to why he escaped detention based on the opening scene,” Izuku wondered.
“How so, Deku-kun?” Ochako asked.
“He might not have been skateboarding through the halls just for the thrill of it,” the green-haired teen guessed. “Maybe he’s out trying to find proof to clear his name?”
“That’s quite the assumption, Midoriya-chan,” Tsuyu stated plainly.
Wading through the gunk yet looking untouched compared to everyone else, Vice Principal Victoria approached her new boss with a proposal. "Principal Barrage, maybe we should cancel class for the rest of the day. I think everyone could use a good clean shower."
"No, Vice Principal Victoria," the living mismatch of man and machinery declared. "We might smell like Sam Hell, but this is A. Nigma High. We stay the course, so Mister Ping here CAN GET HIS THREE-FIFTEEN DETENTION! DI! SMISSED!" Barrage punctuated his order by taking out a remote from his decorated jacket and pressing a button.
“Recovery Girl would not like him,” All Might shuddered, recalling the lecturing he’s received from the medical professional hero every time he was in his care from his school days to the twilight years of his hero career.
“The symbol on that remote,” Nezu noticed. “It greatly resembles those hazmat suit-wearing people from the cold open.”
“So, they were most likely summoned here to clean up the room after all is said and done,” Midnight concluded. “Say what you will about military types, but their efficiency can’t be denied when applied.”
The scene skipped to 3:00 PM, and the unwashed masses were filling hallways as the school day ended. Lee walked towards detention with Camillio trailing behind him.
"Hold up! I got small-ish legs," the shorter teen requested.
“The struggle is real,” Mineta affirmed with a clenched fist.
While he stopped for Cam to catch up, Lee noticed several student groups glaring at him. That was enough motivation for him to resume his march while avoiding harsher looks. "I gotta go,” Lee stated swiftly. “I gotta get to detention before someone kills me."
Unfortunately, Lee’s trek was interrupted by Holger’s sudden appearance in front of him. "How did Lee Ping make school go kafloofashoop? How? How?" the eccentric friend asked candidly.
"I didn't do it, Holger!" Lee shouted frustratedly.
That response proved to have an opposite effect. "Oh, kay, Holger make secret face," Holger acknowledged slyly, complete with a wink and a nod.
"But your bag, cabron. It was right there,” Camillio countered. “And the stuff, it's like…I don't even know my best friend anymore."
“‘With friends like those, who needs enemies?’” Present Mic sighed.
“I’m not sure how that would work for us heroes,” Kirishima wondered.
Frustrated, Lee took out a random bra from his supposed bag. "Does this look like mine?" he asked the two, only for Holger to eagerly grab the item.
"Who knows?” Camillio sassed as he flicked one of the bra’s straps. “Maybe it's all part of your new secret life."
"Seriously, dude, come on!” the punished teen fumed. “Would I even try to pull off something this epic without your help? Or start wearing bras without telling you?"
"Okay, point taken, you didn't do it," Cam accepted while Holger still played with the bra.
“It was that easy to convince them, huh?” Sen Kaibara mocked.
“They are still friends at the end of the day, after all,” Yui Kodai affirmed.
Camillio and Holger suddenly gasped at Lee. "But they don't know that," the former stated, pointing behind his friend.
Lee turned around and was face-to-face with a quartet of intimidating students who looked like a rock band.
"Killer song you made for that prank, man," said the boy wearing a top hat that hid his eyes. On that note, he and the rest of his band walked off.
“So, Slash’s lineage did survive into the modern day,” Kyoka murmured.
"Whoa," Camillio mouthed. "I thought he was totally gonna twist you up into a guitar and burn you onstage. This is kinda the opposite of what I thought was gonna happen."
Holger laughed as he played with the bra before Lee grabbed it and stuffed it back in his backpack. Just in time, too, as another set of students approached them, the dour-looking group from that morning.
The apparent leader indignantly got in front of Lee’s face. "Hey, Ping. My dad's totally gonna sue you for ruining my clothes," he declared in a mix of anger and monotone before he and his clique walked off stoically.
"Yeah, I pictured more of that," Camillio surmised before pretending to punch his friend. "With a hundred and sixty percent more punching!"
“So, that’s what’s up,” Monoma sneered.
“Care to share with the rest of us?” Kendo asked skeptically.
“No need,” the Class 1-B hype man shrugged. “The show is bound to spell it out for the audience.”
"Prank ruled! Total supremacy, bra!" shouted Zed from down the hall as he and his fellow skaters rolled away.
"Now I'm so confused!" Camillio groaned in his own frustration.
A gaggle of cheerleaders walked past the trio of friends, giggling all the way with their eyes fixed on Lee.
That was when Camillio had an epiphany. "Hold up! I think I figured it out!" he interpreted with increasing glee. "This might be the greatest thing to ever happen to us, bro!"
Lee looked at his friend with stunned anger. "Do you have a head injury? I gotta spend every day in detention. And then I'm grounded."
"Bro! You might actually be the most popular kid in school now," Camillio continued as he pulled Holger close. "That means we look cool next to you looking cool, and that's, yeah, cool! So let's not be uncool with the whole 'I'm innocent' thing, okay?"
“Told ya,” Present Mic confirmed.
“So, they’re going to coast on their friend’s ruined reputation just for a taste of popularity? That’s very unmanly!” Kirishima and Tetsutetsu growled, almost word-for-word.
Before Lee could respond, a microphone was shoved in his face. Said microphone was held by the school news reporter/Lee’s not-so-secret crush, who was joined by the cameraman using an ancient camcorder.
"Lee. Tina Kwee with A. Nigma High News. Looking to score an exclusive on the scoop of the day," the young lady asked professionally.
Framed as being put in view of the actual camera, the screen took a sepia-toned monochrome with a round edge on its reduced aspect ratio. Whether it be antique or state-of-the-art, Lee’s camera shyness was made apparent in his awkward delivery. "Uh, hey. Heh. Hi. What?" The last bit was in response to another microphone put in his face.
"Chaz Monerainian," announced the smarmy reporter right behind his counterpart, the screen returning to normal for his reveal.
"Chaz, I've got this one!" Tina claimed, elbowing her co-anchor away.
Unfortunately, Chaz wasn’t going down easy. "Ahh! No ya don't!" To prove his point, he got in front of Tina and shoved his microphone into Lee’s face. "C'mon Ping, how'd ya do it? Student minds wanna know."
"Really, Chaz?! Lee! Lee!" Tina cried as she battled her news rival for the scoop, prompting the perspective to shift to the vintage camera’s view.
"Touch the hair again. Do it," Chaz dared. Instead, Tina went for a different target: his foot. "AAH! Man down!" he cried while collapsing.
After a brief victory giggle, Tina regained control of the interview. "Really Lee, please, give me the scoop."
In another twist of fate, Camillio took on the unofficial role of Lee’s press agent/hype man. "How did my man Lee Ping pull off the biggest, baddest, most kick-booty prank in high school history? Is that your question? Huh?"
“Ooh! This girl’s got some bite in her,” Mina grinned.
“For an aspiring media vulture, this ‘Tina’ could be a lot worse,” Aizawa admitted.
“But she’s not a bird,” Eri stated. “Don’t be silly, Eraser-san.”
“It’s just a figure of speech, Eri,” Mirio explained.
Before the interview could continue, Holger grabbed the camera to exuberantly examine it, giving the screen a surprise close-up. "How come you use 1928 black-and-white camera with reflex viewing and 9.5 millimeter gauge?" As Holger spoke, the screen returned to normal as it focused on him and the cameraman.
"Well, we lost the other one back in the gym,” the cameraman lamented. “Sucks 'cause I caught the whole thing on video. Everything!"
The mention of video evidence drew Lee’s attention. "The whole thing? The gym? Are you serious?" he panickly asked.
A simple nod was all Lee needed for him to bolt for the gym, passing several confused students. He pushed the doors open just enough to look inside, where some men dressed in white hazmat suits were cleaning up the mess with industry-strength vacuum hoses.
“Hey, it’s the guys from the opening,” Togaru Kamakiri pointed out.
“But why couldn’t he just ask them to let him search for the camera in the first place?” Kojiro Bondo asked.
“I doubt he has much pull considering that he’s currently the school’s most notorious student,” Shoda assumed.
Before Lee could sneak in, he was stopped by a shrill "Leaping!" behind him, which came from the voice of Brandy, the popular girl who demeaned him and his friends that morning.
"It's Lee Ping," the boy corrected. Unknown to either of the two, a familiar shadow appeared in an adjacent hallway to eavesdrop.
“So, the mastermind couldn’t help himself and returned to the scene of the crime,” Rikido Sato noted.
“Knowing Lee’s luck so far, the villain would be gone the second he was free from whatever is going on now,” Mashirao Ojiro assumed.
"That thing you did today? Totally hot,” Brandy shared in teen lingo. “Bumped your rep to the, like, ceiling maximus. So, we, me and you, are totally going around now. FYI."
"Around? FYI? What?" Lee asked in confusion.
To clear things up, Brandy grabbed Lee and slammed his back up against the wall. "Hello, we're dating. Duh. You're my man, so be good to me,” she explained before walking off. “You know, when people are watching and stuff."
“... Well, at least she’s staked her claim early,” Present Mic conveyed nervously.
“That definitely wouldn’t fly if the roles were reversed,” Ms. Joke stated.
“True that,” Midnight affirmed.
“Problem children,” Eraser Head muttered.
“Regretting your ship now, Pinky?” Kyoka teased her friend.
“Far from it, girl,” Mina answered. “What’s a romance story without a false lead?”
Tsuyu glanced to her left. “I think Ochako-chan & Midoriya-chan are frozen.”
“It should’ve been me, not him!” Mineta and Kaminari cried simultaneously.
Lee watched her leave until a large metallic hand landed on his shoulder.
"Party's over!" Barrage ordered, grabbing Lee and taking him mid-scream to detention. That movement served as a time transition, making it look like Lee was suddenly dropped onto the detention room’s floor, with only the “3:15 p.m.” time sticker betraying the illusion.
"Welcome to the first day of the rest of your life," the cyborg principal announced before shutting the reinforced steel door behind him.
Lee observed his new holding spot. He spotted a sleeping teacher, a bunch of empty desks, and an angry school bully looming over him with a clenched left fist. His large cellmate, Biffy, growled at him, and Lee instinctively shrank back before the screen faded to black.
“Well, he’s dead,” Yosetsu Awase joked.
“Nah, it’ll be more like the bully will let off some steam before helping him,” Manga Fukidashi theorized. “A classic enemy-to-ally move.”
As the scene continued, Lee tried to shield his face with his arms as Biffy reached down, picked him up by his shirt… and set him on his feet.
"That...was the craziest thing I've ever seen!" Biffy said with a grin, confusing Lee just as much as he was brushing off the dust on the smaller teen.
"But I didn't do it," Lee stated.
"Oh, of course not,” Biffy affirmed nonchalantly. “You don't have the devious mind, skills, or physical know-how to plot such epic, archaic, righteous chaos."
“OK, that makes three people who believe he’s innocent,” Kosei Tsuburaba counted.
“Of course, that’s not enough to free the poor soul from his nigh-eternal punishment,” Reiko bemoaned.
"If I wanted to, I could," the partial redhead argued.
"Naah. It’s not your style," the larger student countered as he sat on the top of one of the chairs and took out an unfinished knitted sweater that he was keen on completing. "No offense, but you're just not that hardcore."
“Getting blamed for the prank and then being told that he couldn’t pull it off,” Kamui Woods commented. “This child just can’t win either way.”
After realizing he was losing this battle, Lee changed his focus to the other person in the room. "What's his deal?" he asked, addressing the sleeping teacher. "Doesn't he –?"
That last question was answered before it was completed by Biffy tossing a yarn ball at the teacher’s head. Rather than waking up, the teacher grunted from the impact and automatically rubbed the struck area of his head before returning to his original resting position.
"Nope," Biffy affirmed.
“Should this be considered assault against a teacher?” Tenya judged.
“It’s not that deep, Iida-chan,” Tsuyu snarked.
“Aizawa-sensei wishes he could be that rested,” Sero joked.
“No, that would be irresponsible,” Aizawa’s words spread through the students as an eerie chill. “I don’t know what his deal is, but I only take naps because my hero patrols have destroyed my biological clock.”
Lee finally took a seat, but his nerves were far from calm. "I gotta get outta here. I need to get to the gym and get this camera that can prove I didn't do it," he fretted before an idea popped in his head. "Or..." The teen took out his phone and dialed out.
The scene changed to a new location: Camillio’s bedroom/basment where he and Holger were playing video games on the couch. Camillio’s phone was vibrating in the crook of the couch, left unnoticed by the noise from the TV and players.
"Very good. Uhf. How many bounce do you have?" Holger commented just before losing, taking it in stride. "Oh no. You kuhfluffled my shiffilshafen."
Camillio moved back to create some distance between him and his eccentric friend. "Dude. Too weird."
“Is there a translator for the Holger character?” Melissa asked half-heartedly, somewhat aware that her request would go unanswered.
“They must live pretty close to school to waste time at a friend’s house,” Shinso noted.
“It must be a lucky break if they also didn’t get homework on the first day,” Kaminari assumed.
Back in detention, Lee found himself unable to reach his best friend. "Camillio! Pick up!"
"No big whoop,” Biffy spoke while still knitting. “Just grab the tape after detention, and once everyone sees it, you're clear."
"Yeah, but it won't be there after detention,” the titular detentionaire protested. “There's like these psycho cleaner freaks in there."
The scene quickly shifted to one of those “psycho cleaner freaks” who were indeed hard at work vacuuming up all of the debris from the prank. They even spoke in a garbled, near-robotic tone that didn’t resemble any known language.
As the camera returned to the detention room, Biffy offered a suggestion. "Well, escape is always an option."
“So, the repeat offender did in fact encourage the show’s protagonist to escape,” Vlad King concluded.
“I’m more curious as to how they think they could get away with this,” Present Mic voiced.
"What about Sleeping Ugly?" Lee’s question was conveyed over a quick shot at the sleeping teacher.
"What is your obsession with him? I told you, he never wakes up!" To prove his point, Biffy walked over to the supposed authority figure. "HEY! YOUR FACE IS ON FIRE!" Biffy shouted in the man’s face. He poked the sleeping man's face twice, walked back over to the array of desks, picked one up, and hurled it directly at the teacher’s desk. The teacher didn’t awaken or even react to any of that. "Trust me," Biffy stated as he used the remaining leg of the desk he smashed as a teaching pointer aimed at the exit. "You could walk right out that door."
“Just this scene alone would’ve gotten that man fired,” Nezu commented. “And this Biffy is showing plenty of reasons why he belongs there.” ‘Then again, this teacher could be suffering some sleep-inducing condition,’ the fuzzy principal thought.
Lee needed some more convincing. "And what if Barrage catches me?"
"Well, if we knew where he was,” Biffy plotted with a slight grin, “you could avoid him and get back here before he found out."
"Pft. And how are we gonna do that?" Lee scoffed.
"Hello?" Biffy pushed the teacher away from his desk. "It's the twenty-first century!" He opened a drawer and took out a phone. "Plant a confiscated phone on him, I can track his GPS." He tossed the phone to Lee, who struggled to catch it before it shattered on the floor. "Aw, nice catch." Biffy tossed another, which Lee managed to catch this time. "Hold out both your phones." As Lee did so, Biffy synchronized his phone with the others with a sort of tracking software.
That’s when Lee needed to clear the air. "Biffy, why are you helping me?"
"I could give you a beating if you prefer," Biffy answered with a sinister grin.
"I vote for helping," Lee nervously insisted.
“That’s one hell of a deal,” Setsuna remarked.
“Gift horse and all that,” Pony confirmed.
The phones beeped, signalling that the process was finished. "Okay, you're hot-synced. Forty-three minutes to get to the gym and back," Biffy informed his partner-in-crime. The camera zoomed in on his phone, displaying the same school map layout akin to the very first scene of the episode, with the current time of 3:32 p.m. and counting.
Lee eased the door to the detention room open and made sure the coast was clear before looking back at Biffy.
"Man! This is like a spy movie or something!” Biffy voiced excitedly as he took out his laptop. Then, a thought occurred to him. “Wait. But wouldn't that make me–?"
"The computer nerd? Sure looks that way,” Lee answered smugly before slipping away. Biffy could only growl in annoyance.
“Cat-Hat walked himself right into that one,” Katsuki smirked.
“This reminds me of the few times David or Mirai were stuck at HQ, only able to monitor my exploits,” All Might reminisced.
“Really?” Melissa looked back at her honorary uncle.
“Yeah, your father would drill me on the best approaches on certain structures,” the former hero admitted abashedly. “Saved a lot of American landmarks that way.”
“What about Sir Nighteye?” Izuku asked, with Mirio even perking up with curiosity.
“I sort of dumped the excess paperwork on him for the more dangerous operations,” All Might confessed. “To make it up to him, I’d arrange advanced reservations for any new merch drops.”
“That would explain Sir’s office,” Mirio mused.
Lee raced through the school and planted himself flat against the wall next to the principal's office. "I'm here!" he whispered into his earpiece before dropping the spare phone on the floor. "Do your stuff."
Shortly after Lee hid off-screen, the dropped phone started ringing and drew Principal Barrage out. The principal looked around, spotted the phone, and picked it up. After looking around for the owner, he tucked the lost phone in his pocket. "Hoo-yah! Con-fis-cated!" the military man declared.
The camera zoomed in on the phone’s red light, then transitioned to the electronic map of the school, with the red dot representing Barrage walking away. In contrast, the green dot representing Lee remained stationary.
"Got 'im. Gym time,” Biffy informed the agent as the camera shifted to the latter’s perspective. “Now I know a shortcut. Head up the stairs, and hang a right."
Lee followed the directions, putting himself in front of the gym’s double doors. Opening was a different matter. "Locked," he stated in frustration. To make matters worse, Lee heard footsteps fast approaching, and their source prompted him to hide against a nearby locker row.
Entering the hallway intersection was Mrs. Ping, who mouthed a soft "What?" as if she had heard something.
"My mom's right here! Did you set me up?" Lee whispered accusatorily.
“Sheesh, paranoid much?” Mirko laughed.
“To be fair to the kid,” Fat Gum argued, “his life was just turned upside-down, and he can’t be sure about who to trust. Even getting help from the oddly generous school bully has to raise some alarm bells.”
Mrs. Ping looked on with a brief hum before walking away, none the wiser to her son’s presence.
After Lee sighed in relief, Biffy relayed the backup plan. "Easy, Captain Paranoid! Try the entrance behind the stage, around the corner."
Lee did just that, but that entrance was seemingly locked as well despite his twisting of the knob. "Ha ha. C'mon!" the boy pressed, growing more irked.
"Kick the lower left corner, then bump your shoulder into it." Biffy’s latest direction did the trick, and Lee practically fell into the gym after opening the door.
The gym was still filthy despite the work of the small hazmat-suited janitor platoon. To avoid detection, Lee got on his hands and knees to crawl around them.
Back in the detention room, Biffy sipped on a soda while tracking Barrage and Lee's locations. Suddenly, Barrage’s marker moved quickly towards the gym, causing Biffy to do a spittake. "Whoa! Uh, Barrage is coming back; he's on his way, he's like super close!" he warned the wannabe agent.
"Where should I go?" Unfortunately for Lee, he was met with static. "Hello? Hello?" Still no answer. "What a jerk!" he insulted quietly.
“With how finicky those handsets can be, Lee should consider himself lucky that they work at all,” Kyoka asserted.
“Even if he finds the evidence in question, he’s only going to come out of this predicament with severe trust issues,” Momo assessed.
As luck would have it, Barrage’s marker passed the gym entrances entirely and instead stopped at a distant wall. The camera briefly shifted to a scene where two delinquents tried to graffiti the school, just to be busted by the cyborg principal.
"Oh! Oh, false alarm,” Biffy’s voice came through with relief. “And hey! Keep trash-talking me, and I'll feed you to Barrage! Got it?"
Lee gasped as he spotted the school news team's camera. He began crawling towards it, but instinctively plunged himself into the muck when a cleaner walked by carrying a vacuum hose. Upon reemerging, Lee’s upper face was covered in the disgusting muck, prompting him to try to wipe the filth from his eyes. However, even with impaired vision, Lee could see that the camera had disappeared.
"It's gone," Lee gasped. That’s when he spotted the shadowy figure from before sprinting out the gym’s double doors, presumably making off with the camera as well. "Who is that guy? No!" To make matters worse, Lee’s outburst caught the attention of the cleaners.
“Shitty Hair just keeps screwing up,” Katsuki growled.
“This was also the first time he’s done something like this,” Sero pointed out.
“It also could’ve been his last,” Aizawa assessed.
With everything falling apart in front of him, Lee started chasing after the shadowy figure. Of course, he slipped and landed hard on the filthy floor. "Whoa..." Lee breathed as he spotted a lone digital camera right in front of him.
"You got it?" Biffy asked through the headset.
"No. It's the wrong one," Lee answered but still took the camera with him as a possible backup. Either way, he burst through the gym doors and just barely spotted his perp running away. "Hey, you! Stop!" Lee cried out. The shadowy figure didn’t stop, forcing Lee back in the pursuit. Just as quickly as he ran off, two of the hazmat-suited cleaners emerged from the gym and chased after the teen.
“When has yelling ‘stop’ ever stopped a villain?” Shinso asked rhetorically with a smirk on his face.
“Never,” echoed every other soul in the theater, with varying degrees of amusement and annoyance.
The camera portrayed the chase scene in two different perspectives. The first was focused on Lee kept in the frame’s center as he ran, with the background becoming a blur of lines. The second was through the door of an empty classroom as the shadowy figure, Lee, and the cleaners ran past its obscured window.
"Dude! Bogus, bra!" Zed’s voice was Lee’s first indicator that he and his fellow skaters were loitering in the hall, seemingly unaware of the chase happening near them. With no time to ask permission, Lee grabbed a board from one of them and hopped on to catch the camera thief faster and with less effort.
Lee followed the shadow to the pool room, taking a moment to skid to a stop before stepping inside. However, the area was empty of both water and the perpetrator. "Aw, where'd he go?" Lee fussed frustratedly before reaching for his headset. "Hello, you there?"
The boy received loud radio interference as his answer, and the two cleaners burst in behind him. Thinking quickly, Lee dropped the skateboard into the empty pool and used it as a half-pipe, reaching the other side swiftly and falling off the skateboard as he ramped out of the pool.
“I call bull crap on that stunt,” Mirko frowned. “There’s no way he can get back up when no side of the pool floor slants upward.”
“Just bear with it,” Endeavor stated. “Shows like these tend to cater to their protagonists in some ways while also giving them hell.”
“At least he didn’t stick the landing,” the Rabbit Hero begrudgingly accepted.
Spotting the cleaners running on each side of the pool, Lee quickly got back on his board and skated out of the pool room. He jumped over a small staircase, but the camera fell out of his pocket upon landing. "Crap," he cursed before turning around to retrieve the camera. "Gotcha," he exclaimed before staring at his quarry. "All this trouble for a camera." Lee gasped as he saw two cleaners headed directly for him, seemingly caught up after his brief setback.
Like an answer to prayer, Biffy’s voice came through to guide him. "Still alive? Okay, left…now!" Lee pulled a hard left as instructed, sending him into another hallway.
"Which way now?" Unfortunately, Lee's earpiece crackled, giving him an electric shock. He tried to fix it, but he lost his balance and fell off the skateboard. With the cleaners catching up, Lee quickly ditched his ride and ran through yet another hallway. Just a moment later, the shadow appeared once more to glance at the abandoned skateboard.
“Hang on,” Ochako noticed. “This isn’t how the opening portrayed the chase.”
“Maybe what we saw before was more of an exaggerated retelling?” Toru reasoned.
“That makes it even more confusing,” Kyoka groaned. “Just get that part right the first time.”
“You know, if the shadowy figure is the true prank mastermind, then they likely know Lee had snuck out,” Izuku speculated. “They could make things worse for him in a variety of ways.”
“Come on, man,” Denki jested. “That’s way too unrealistic for another student to pull.”
Back in the detention room, Biffy observed the electronic map, checking on the two marks’ locations. "Yo! Lee, Barrage is getting real close! Uh, hello?" The red marker (Barrage) was moving very close to the strangely frozen green (Lee).
The camera shifted to Barrage, who had assembled a squad of four cleaners to help him patrol the halls. He stopped at an intersection and signaled for them to head off to his right.
The cleaners failed to notice Lee hiding on top of some lockers right under an air vent. The hazmat-clad figures only passed right by him. “Hello?” came Biffy’s voice through the unstable earpiece. "Lee? Can you hear me?!"
"Yeah. Hey, welcome back,” Lee answered hurriedly. “I'm screwed!"
"Yeah, I know,” Biffy sighed. “Look up."
Lee did so and saw – "A vent?"
"You wanna make it back or not?" Biffy’s prodding made it clear that Lee was out of options.
The boy pulled the cover off of the vent. Almost immediately, a moan emitted from deep inside the vent system. "There's something in there," Lee worriedly reported.
"It's probably just a rat."
"Yeah, or something killing a rat!" Lee retorted as he peeked inside.
“Before anyone asks: no, I don’t take offense to those comments,” Nezu assured. “Besides, U.A.’s ventilation system was designed to prevent such breaches.”
"Ugh, whatever, go already!" Biffy’s annoyed prompting pushed Lee to crawl through the vents, using his phone’s light as some semblance of guidance.
"Left," Biffy instructed. "Keep going. Keep – DUDE! He's coming! He's almost here!"
Biffy’s tracking screen shifted to a split-screen of both Lee and Barrage, with Lee’s vent trek covered in a green glowing circle and Barrage’s stomping walk being superimposed by a red glow positioned over his robotic leg.
"What? You gotta be kidding me!" Lee cried while picking up the pace. But it might be all for naught.
"He's here!" Biffy whispered tensely as the cyborg principal could be heard stopping right by the detention room’s door.
“Well, he’s screwed,” Katsuki summed up. “The ‘worst day of his life’ talk from the opening was prophetic in its own way.”
“Doubt it, Kacchan,” Izuku countered. “It’s far too early for him to get caught like this.”
“Tsk. We’ll see about that, Deku.”
“... That’s literally why we’re here…”
"Open this door! Stat!" Barrage ordered as he somehow couldn’t turn the knob.
The reason was Biffy holding the knob in place on his side of the door. "Wow, this door is being bad! That's a – that's a bad door! O-pen!" he playfully chided before switching to a whisper directed to Lee. "Hur-ry up!"
At that moment, Lee reached the vent outlet separating him from the detention room below. Unfortunately, the cover wouldn’t budge. "Come on!" he cried.
"Stand back, soldier," the military man ordered before backing away from the door and assuming an attacking stance. "I'm taking 'er down!" The principal rammed himself shoulder-first into the door at full speed.
It took all of Biffy's strength pressing against the door to keep it from budging. "Drop down!" he growled at the vent.
Good news: Lee finally managed to wrest the vent cover loose. Bad news: the Red Tazelwurm raced directly for Lee like the wild animal it is. "The Tazelwurm! AAH!" Lee cried in terror as the creature climbed on top of him and hissed.
“Potentially being mauled by a wild animal definitely would put a damper on anyone’s day,” Ojiro commented.
“I wonder if we can figure out what it’s hissing?” Sero wondered aloud.
“One, I can’t do that with recorded creatures as it requires actual conversation,” Koda explained with a frown. “Second, I couldn’t do that here anyway because of the Quirk dampening field.” ‘And third, I want an apology for being ignored when I pointed the beast out several times earlier,’ he thought.
Down below, Biffy propped the sleeping teacher, chair and all, as a barricade, all while keeping up his false assistant talk with the principal. "Uh, let me try it again! I'll–I'll push, and you pull, okay?"
The LED in Barrage’s foot glowed a deep red as though it was charging up, and he raised it to the door with the intent of kicking it down.
Back in the vents, Lee was still fending off the Red Tazelwurm. At last, he scared it off by shining the phone’s light in its eyes. Lee chuckled as the small dragon slithered away… until the vent cover gave way beneath him, and he fell through towards the ground. "Aah!" he cried as he barely held on to the vent and the camera fell out of his pocket and shattered on the ground. Lee immediately lost his grip and landed in the waiting arms of his detention mate.
Biffy nudged the wreckage of the camera under the desk with his foot while Barrage continued his attempts at breaking down the door. Biffy set Lee and himself into their seats just in time, as Barrage kicked through the door.
After taking several suspicious glances around the room (accompanied by a musical sting at each shot change), the principal decided that everything was in order. "DEEEEEEE-SMISSED!" Barrage bellowed before switching to a lower, raspy voice. "And Ping, we'll see you...tomorrow." The principal chortled sinisterly before marching out of the room, satisfied with the students seemingly serving their sentences.
“I don’t think I’ve held my breath this much outside of my work study,” Kosei sighed.
“This truly was a harrowing experience, even if it was fictional,” Jurota concurred.
Now that the coast was clear, Lee rushed over to the desk and rummaged around in the wreckage of the camera. Lucky for him, its memory card survived the crash. "Imagine what could be on here," Lee thought aloud with a contemplative frown.
"It could be a clue!” Biffy guessed. “Or it could be pics from a chick's slumber party! Either way we win!" Lee only rolled his eyes at that last bit.
“Well, someone just lost the goodwill of a large chunk of the audience,” Midnight frowned.
“Please don’t actually be a creep,” Mina chanted. “Please don't actually be a creep.”
"Alright, see you tomorrow," Biffy stated casually as he went back to his seat.
"You're gonna be here?" Lee asked in muted surprise.
"Yeah, of course," the larger student affirmed as he pulled out his knitting project. "I gotta finish my sweater."
Tenya tried to rationalize what he witnessed. “Wait a moment. This program means to say that the bully character has been willingly getting sent to detention this whole time.”
“Maybe?” Itsuka shrugged.
“But why would he intentionally risk his academic standing just to be sent there?” the Class 1-A representative argued as if his brain was beginning to short-circuit.
“There’s bound to be an explanation as we’re subjected to more episodes,” Shoda soothed.
The scene changed to Lee’s bedroom, with the clock caption reading 9:48 p.m. Lee had just finished pinning a blueprint of the school to the bulletin board in his room.
“If I'm ever gonna get my life back, I need to know who planned this thing, so I can prove to that half-cyborg principal and my mom that I didn't do it!”
“It begins,” Shoto voiced ominously. No one wanted to ask what “it” meant.
After Lee circled the gym on the blueprint, a piece of electronic equipment on his desk started beeping. "Finally." Lee pressed the button on what appeared to be a memory card reader and sat down at his desktop computer.
"Let's see what we got,” he told himself, starting to go through the pictures taken of the prank. “Nothing...nothing..." The investigation was interrupted by a video chat window opening up, showing Camillio.
"Yo, homes. I just realized. If you have detention all year, who am I gonna hang with?” Camillio asked. “Who's gonna be my wingman? Who's gonna like–"
Suddenly, another chat window popped up. "Holger be wingman!" the surprise caller declared like a mind reader.
“His best friend is stuck in detention for a year, and that’s his main concern?” Kirishima asked incredulously. “So, unmanly…”
"Later, guys," Lee chuckled before closing the chat windows and resuming the picture hunt, parsing through rather low-quality snapshots. "The tazelwurm?" Next. "Eww!" Next. "Whoa! Someone did mess with my bag!"
Sure enough, Lee found a close-up of someone’s hand partially in his backpack during the prank. He stared closer, hoping to make out more details on the blurry picture.
"Lights out!" his mother shouted from outside his room. Lee immediately shut off his monitor, and his mother’s hand flipped off his light switch and shut the door. Once he was alone, the teen switched the monitor back on and took another look at the hand.
"One way or another, I'm gonna find out who did this – and nail them," Lee declared with his face reflected on the monitor screen to add to the dramatic effect.
The theater lights came on as the credits rolled. The captive audience started to regain their bearings, with mixed reactions.
“So, how was it?” rang the host’s question from above.
“It certainly was… an experience,” All Might stated uneasily.
“I don’t think it’s the best idea to have impressionable kids watch the exploits of a severe problem child,” Eraser Head grumbled.
“What my colleagues and staff are trying to say,” Nezu explained, “is that it’s rather odd to follow a protagonist who’s willing to take dubious risks. Since we’re in the business of raising the next generation of heroes, we try to minimize those measures unless they’re necessary in life-or-death scenarios.”
“He comes off more like a vigilante in the making,” Endeavor growled.
“Well, you might have a point if Lee was planning to be a hero in the modern sense,” the host shared.
“So, did his school drill non-Quirk use in their heads or something?” Kaminari asked. “I’d understand if it wasn’t remarkable or if he was Quirkless, but Lee could’ve used something to deal with those hazmat-suit guys.”
Everyone slowly turned to the Electrification Quirk holder; each face showing varying degrees of concern and annoyance.
“Why are you guys staring at me?” Kaminari asked nervously.
“Dude, no one in the show has a Quirk,” Mineta spelled out bluntly.
“What?”
“Oui, mon ami,” Yuga Aoyama confirmed. “There were an abundance of signs that made that quite clear.”
“The access to centuries-old tech,” Shoda stated.
“The lack of any hero presence or mention throughout a densely populated city,” Ragdoll mentioned.
“The population devoid of any features beyond the regular genome yet ethnically diverse enough to discount any Creature Rejection Clan involvement,” Shoji described.
“Even if you ignore all of that, Cat-Hat flat out said it was the twenty-first century,” Katsuki expounded. “Since society hasn’t gone to shit yet, they’re still about a couple of decades before the Glowing Baby showed up.”
“... You guys didn’t need to be so blunt about it,” Denki pouted.
‘You can’t even hide behind your fried-brain excuse!’ the other Class 1-A students mentally screamed.
“Indeed, this show is set in the early 21st century,” the Host declared. “Specifically, in the year 2012.”
“I couldn’t help but notice the episode title was a riff on a pretty old song, even by pre-Quirk era standards,” Kyoka brought up. “Would the rest of the episodes do the same thing?”
“Hang on, that was a song?” Ochako asked.
“‘The Blitzkrieg Bop!!’ by Ramones, an American punk band from the late 20th century,” Izuku answered. “While it was popular in its own right, the opening chant had a much farther reach.”
“Well, well, well, Midoriya,” the Deep Dope enthusiast smirked. “I didn’t know you were into that scene.”
“Erm - Not really, Jiro-san,” Izuku admitted abashedly. “I just came across it while looking up examples of Americana. Though the song is really catchy.”
“In that case, we’ll have to squeeze in a visit to either a karaoke bar or that V.R. thing to expand your musical horizons,” Kyoka suggested. “I mean, if you’re up for it.”
Izuku couldn’t respond as his mind was stalled at that proposition. ‘Did – Did she just –?’
‘ – Ask him out on a date?’ Ochako mentally finished her hidden crush’s query. Her face mirrored Izuku’s, but hers was based more on dread than shock.
The rest of the Class 1-A girls looked on in surprise, too fearful to intervene.
“Well, that was unexpected,” Mineta commented, ignoring Kaminari’s eye twitching.
“To answer Ms. Jiro’s question,” the Host finally said, “nearly all titles are based on certain pop culture references for the time. The first one just happened to be the most blatant.”
Kyoka’s confidence had evaporated in an instant. “Just to get rid of any confusion,” she clarified briskly, “that invitation was for anyone and everyone.”
“Of course!” Izuku coughed. “It sounds like a fun activity. A fun group activity.”
“Anything else?”
“What exactly is the tazelwurm?” Koda asked. “Is it a made-up creature for this show?”
“No, the tazelwurm is a rare example of a confirmed UMA, Mr. Koda. It’s respected enough to be the school’s mascot and coat-of-arms,” the Host explained. “Unfortunately, I’m not allowed to disclose anything further than what the show will reveal on its own. Also, congrats on spotting it before it was named.”
“For real?” Setsuna piped up. “Sorry, didn’t mean to step on your toes, Dr. Dolittle.”
Any lingering feelings of resentment the Anivoice user had were washed away by bashfulness as positive murmurs gave him his due.
“Feel free to roll the next episode,” Nezu assured. “I believe this is the extent of our commentary regarding the pilot.”
“As you wish, Mr. Nezu,” the disembodied voice declared before the lights dimmed again.
‘Having a story where the hero and the bully have to work together feels way too close to be a coincidence,’ Izuku thought in the fleeting moments before showtime. ‘Just how much do the people behind this resort know about me? … And what was up with Ochako and Kyoka?’