Chapter Text
Whizzer was home alone, Marvin had gone to Trina and Mendel's place after work to pick Jason up for the weekend.
He found himself staring at his reflection in the mirror and for the first time in years his mind started pointing out every feminine detail in his face. The way his eyelashes are long and dark, his eyes, his cheeks…slowly every part of his face felt too feminine.
Whizzer had top surgery as one of the few people who somehow got access to it, it’s been years and somehow his mind convinced him that he had boobs again, the fabric of his shirt hitting his chest was unbearable.
The front door to the apartment opened, Whizzer took a deep breath: Time to pretend for Jason's sake
“Whizzer” the kid called out, Whizzer got up and made his way into the living room to greet the kid.
“Hey” he said and hugged his step-son
When Whizzer and Marvin were alone again, after Jason had gone to sleep, Whizzer let his guard down.
Marvin, not realising anything was wrong at first sat next to Whizzer on the couch, his hand going to the other's thigh, to which Whizzer pulled away slightly.
“Hm?” Marvin asked as Whizzer pulled away from his lover.
"Nothing" Whizzer tried, not looking at Marvin before he felt Marvin take his hand "sorry, I don't-"
"Hey, don't apologise. What's up?” The way Marvin looked at him with concern made Whizzer feel worse about the whole situation. He couldn’t bring himself to talk, what if Marvin agreed? What if he would start touching him where he least wanted right now? What if he agreed? What if the only reason Marvin wanted him was cause he's not a 'real man'? What if Marvin just used him as a way of not being too gay?
“Whizzer? Talk to me?” it was a request, not a demand.
What was it his therapist had told him to do? 5-4-3-2-1 method?
5 things he can see?
- His camera
- Jasons homework he'd left on the table
- Marvin
- A book
- Record player
4 things he can feel/touch
- The couch
- His clothes violating his skin
- His hair touching his neck, it's gotten too long
- Marvin
3 things he can hear
- Marvin breathing
- The birds nest outside their window
- Marvin talking?
2 things he can smell
- Marvins cologne
- Coffee
1 thing he can taste
He was almost panicing, trying to think of something. Anything. He could still hear Marvins voice but it felt distant even tho he knows Marvin is right next to him.
1 thing he can taste. 1 thing he can taste. 1 thing he can taste. 1 thing he can taste. 1 thing he can taste. 1 thing he can taste. 1 thing he can taste. 1 thing he can taste. 1 thing he can taste.
"WHIZZER" he felt Marvins arms around him, he could feel his body trembling against his lover "shhh, you're okay."
As he closed his eyes a single tear fell down, he could feel Marvin wipe it away. He tried to get out of Marvins grasp.
"Marv...don't" he said and the other finally let go. "I think I need some space"
Whizzer got up and made his way to the door, put on a coat and shoes and walked out.
He just wandered, without a destination. Then he somehow found the way to Charlotte and Cordelias place and knocked on the door.
Charlotte opened the door "Whizzer?"
"Can I stay here?" He said with a shaky voice.