Chapter Text
Marinette dropped onto her bed, Tikki whooshing out with the detransformation.
Her arms stretched wide over the bed mattress, she quietly mulled over the exchange today with Cat.
It was…nice.
Her heart just wasn’t healed enough to completely let him in yet.
Letting Adrien go was definitely not going to be easy. She had made him her entire world for years. Yes, it was one-sided, but she had fallen quite deep. She couldn’t imagine how long it would take for her to completely fade him out or act normal around him.
“Tikki, I really hope this doesn’t end in a disaster.”
“Marinette, you know it won’t.” The kwami reasoned with a chirp.
“This is just a reason to grow your partnership with him! Think about it, you’ve been fighting evil alongside him for so long.”
It certainly didn’t feel that long at times. Marinette felt her brows furrow.
“How well do you actually know him?”
She raised her hands towards the ceiling to retort that she knew her partner very well—only to put it back down.
“See? You don’t.”
With a groan, she curled into a fetus position.
Tikki flew over with gentle concern, “Tell me, Marinette. What are you really afraid of?”
Closing her eyes, Marinette let the words overtake her mouth as she vocalized the weight off her chest.
“This is a big leap in our partnership, Tikki. I’ve always tried my best to keep the interactions professional. Cat is the only person I would trust with my life, but what I’m really scared of is losing him in the process of all of this.”
She felt frustration latch itself on with furor, “So we spend the next few days, weeks, maybe even months getting closer with these questions. What happens when he finally realizes I’m not the perfect person he thought I would turn out? What if he thinks halfway through this that he’s seen enough and wants to bail?
What if this ends up hurting us in the end? We spend all the next few days growing closer. What if an argument arises after a specific question. Will we be able to put it behind us?”
Even voicing these outloud, Marinette could not make sense of what these emotions truly were.
“I mean, we got into disagreements before this, but they were more so related to me leaving Cat out of the conversation. That's easier than this.”
Marinette covered her eyes with her palms.
“Then there’s Adrien. I feel so guilty not being completely honest with Cat upfront. I mean, he probably knows, but I feel like there’s a lot I still haven’t told him about the boy I love.”
“There's no need to know everything tonight, Marinette.”
A spot on the pillow dipped slightly, letting Marinette know Tikki had joined her on the pillow.
“Cat Noir won't pressure you. You know him. He will never push you into something you don’t want. Not when you finally allowed yourselves a chance to grow closer.”
“I guess so, Tikki.”
A flick sounded, and Marinette realized Tikki had gone to turn off the lights.
“Good night, Marinette. Tomorrow will be another day.”
She closed her eyes at that, letting the lulls of sleep pull her under.
Marinette wanted the sounds to stop.
Tap tap tap.
It was starting to drive her insane.
Pushing the annoyance and sleep out of her eyes, she tried her best to locate the source.
A familiar shadow loomed, and she realized someone was waiting for her outside.
Or rather, they had been trying to get her attention for a while now.
Marinette slowly reached for her trapdoor, pushing it open. The moonlight flooded in, as well as the wind, and she shivered.
She popped her eyes open, surprised to find Cat Noir in front of her.
“Oh, sorry,” she could hear the wince in his voice, “I didn’t mean to wake you. I mean, I didn’t want to wake you. I just…I don’t know. This shouldn’t have happened.”
As quick as he came, he twirled, ready to leap off into who knows where. Ladybug’s reflexes kicked in, and Marinette lunged forward to grab his leather tail.
“Cat,” her voice croaked from sleep, “You can stay.”
Clearly, something wasn’t okay. She could tell from the way he was hunched over, like he had a heavy thought weighing him down.
His eyes looked timid, and she felt her heart pang at the obvious distress in him.
“Here,” she pointed towards her room, “Why don’t you come in? I don’t feel good leaving you alone when you’re like this.”
“I—Are you sure I’m not bothering you?”
With a huff and a strength Cat didn’t know Marinette possessed, he was falling onto Marinette’s bed with an oof.
Marinette dropped down carefully next to him, reaching for her blankets to wrap around his shoulders.
“Trust me, Cat. You’re not bothering me.”
She couldn’t remember the last time he had come to her house at night. In their earlier years of being a superhero, Cat had appeared a couple times post-akuma villains to check up on her. Maybe it was because she had been a frequent cause or source of akumas.
It had started when Nathaniel had turned into the Evil Illustrator.
Then it became weekly hangouts on her balcony, discussing everything related to Ladybug and their battles. Most of them turned into ways to win Ladybug over. Marinette was pretty sure her ability to lie only got better with every hangout. It made it easier to differentiate the two personas she had to become throughout the hours of the day.
When Marinette found out Cat actually liked her back, that’s when he stopped visiting her completely. Months went on with her habitually peering up at her trapdoor, thinking it would be him at her door.
The sense of loss that crept into her at late nights became one she learned to live through, because he was okay. Ladybug was with Cat Noir fighting villains day and night. He hadn’t appeared distressed, but Cat had always been better respecting Ladybug’s boundaries after her outbursts.
But where Ladybug couldn’t step in, Marinette could.
He peered into her with his green eyes. They appeared to be glowing in the darker ambience.
“What happened, Cat?”
When he broke eye contact, she took the hint that he wasn't ready to talk about it. She thought of Tikki’s words and bit her lip, wondering if Ladybug might have kept their walls up too tall for too long.
“I’m surprised you remember where I live,” she decided to ramble. “Remember when you stopped by my door to protect me? Ladybug’s orders. Then the time you came over for lunch, because everyone thought we were dating? We’ve had a couple more hangouts at my balcony, but the last time we met was…”
Memories of their hushed kisses floated to mind, and she felt her cheeks warm. Raising the back of her hands to press some coolness into them, she tried to keep talking. He probably wasn't taking it all in.
“...And there's been minimal contact since then! Wow! Can you believe that? That makes this our first intentional interaction in three years!”
“Marinette?”
She snapped her head back to Cat, arms in a swirling motion mid-air. He slowly moved his eyes to where her hands were before coming down to her face. Seconds passed.
He promptly bursted into uncontrollable laughter with both arms wrapped around his stomach.
Marinette opened her mouth to express her annoyance, but knew she wouldn't mean it. Instead, she soaked in the sound of his laugh.
He hadn't laughed so hard in a while, she realized.
Did that have to do with Gabriel Agreste raising the stakes or because of Ladybug?
She selfishly hoped that it was due to the former.
“Are you okay, Marinette? You have a frown here.”
Leather fingertips pressed into her forehead. She looked up at it, feeling slight tension, and shrugged her shoulders.
“It’s nothing I can handle.”
She made a gesture towards Cat, “We should focus on your feelings tonight. It's been so long.”
His eyes turned into slits as he pursed his lips, “I don’t want my feelings to get better at the expense of yours, Marinette.” He lowered his hands from her forehead, sliding it down her arms and interlocking their hands loosely.
His gloved hands were smooth against her palm, and his ring was cool against her fingers. She wondered if Cat was remembering the relationship they used to have before superhero duties started carrying more weight.
“I know we lost contact,” Cat started, teeth digging into his bottom lip. He always did that when a serious talk was needed.
The tip of her tongue was ready to retort, but Cat’s stern look stopped her.
“Please give me a chance to properly apologize.”
His voice was serious, so she let him speak.
When he was sure she would let him continue, he went on. “It wasn’t fair to you, and I should have found a way to tell you why I stopped visiting.”
Cat sighed, “The day we kissed, Marinette, I realized I had to distance myself from you to protect you.”
She figured that would have been part of his reasoning.
“As the holder of the Black Cat, I felt like people would eventually get injured. With Ladybug, I was confident she’d be able to defend herself from harm, but with you I could never be sure. Hawkmoth was always looking for ways to manipulate people, and I couldn’t imagine him finding out you were important to me.”
“Cat, I would have been safe.”
He pursed his lips. “You don’t know that.”
“Cat, my friends are superheroes. They’d know if something happens to me first hand.”
“But you wouldn’t have been around them all the time. If Hawkmoth caught a wing of our camaraderie, something would have happened to you.”
“Nothing would have happened.”
“Well, something always does,” his eyes burned bright, and she was shocked to see unshed tears brimming. “I always hurt those around me, Marinette. I lost my mother, and my fath-family. I couldn’t lose you, too.”
With that confession in the air, he let go of their hands, opting to pull her into his arms. His body was trembling, and she caught the smell of the night breeze and mint from him.
“Oh, Cat,” she breathed out. With one hand to the back of his head, the other around his shoulder blades, she let him cry. His sorrow came in unpredictable waves—so strong she couldn't help but grip him harder. She hoped he would find comfort tonight.
“Was it another nightmare?”
“It felt so real,” he anguished. They were probably going to suffocate at this point from the way they held onto each other.
Ladybug knew how often he had them. Especially with Hawkmoth’s defeat, they had increased insurmountably. When he came to the rooftops some days, the remnants of it would show on the eyebags. He still reacted to what was exchanged between them, but lacked the enthusiasm. Exhaustion screamed at her whenever he had them, even if he insisted everything was fine.
She hadn't known they were still plaguing him constantly.
That was the issue with their relationship. They were both convinced that if one person was ruined, the other had to stay strong. This was the way they’ve always operated. Secret identities in the equation have turned this dynamic into one that requires intense tic-tac-toe.
Something had to change about this. Now that she knew, perhaps there was a way to alleviate his distress. They were probably always going to be stronger together.
“What was this one about?”
Cat squeezed his palms into a fist.
“You.”
Her eyes widened as she drew back. He held her gaze through teary eyes.
“He had you in his grasp. There was a bleeding wound by your rib cage. You were so, so pale.” He gasped for air, clawing at something abstract across his chest. “I was running faster than I ever have in my entire life. My lungs heaved from effort, but I had to get to you.”
A panicked look on his face settled, “I thought I’d make it—I could save you. Then I checked your pulse and it wasn't there.” His eyes were blown wide. “You weren't m-moving! The more rational part tried declaring this all a dream, but it was useless.”
A dry laugh came out, sounding more like a strangle. “I pretty much transformed with Plagg half awake. Leaped out my windows without really grounding myself into reality, because the dream had convinced me you had passed. All due to my incompetence.”
Marinette knew his train of thought. She's felt it many times as her alternate self. Once a speckle of doubt made its way past your self defenses, there was nothing much that could be done to dispute it. The only times these episodes were able to stop itself was when someone else was there.
Marinette was here with him. She needed to help him.
“You’re too harsh on yourself, Cat,” she told him. Reaching up towards his leather ears, she tugged at the ends gently. That redirected his thoughts back to her.
“Superheroes are still human beneath the mask. I’m sure no one expects you to have everything together all the time. That’s just unrealistic.” She flicked his bell, and internally cheered at the genuine smile that peeked through. “But if my words still lack promise, you are always welcome to my house, Cat. I can guarantee that.”
With his mouth slightly ajar, Cat gave a small shake of his head.
Marinette peered into him, “What is it?”
“Sometimes you really surprise me. It really shouldn't, though. You're Marinette.”
He pulled her in again, “Thank you. Your friends are lucky to have you.”
Pulling away to meet his eyes, she let the sentiment known, “You’re my friend, too, Cat. I mean it. You have another confidant in this city.”
He nodded and flicked the tip of her nose. “I should go. Good night, purrincess.”
She stood there long after he pounced away, deciphering the tumbled weed of feelings left in his presence.
Saturdays for Marinette were designated days to catch up on passion projects, which were usually commissioned pieces for Jagged Stone.
When there weren't any commissions, articles of clothing were created. Hours would fly by if Tikki didn't pull her away for short breaks.
This was what she found herself doing—taking a break. Tikki held a small piece of croissant as Marinette munched away as well.
“Once these next commissions are complete, I’ll be able to spend more time designing.”
Tikki looped in the air, “You might be able to finish a dress in time for Hero’s Day!”
“Maybe,” Marinette said with a grimace. “Although I don't see the entire point. Ladybug is no hero.”
So much of what she showed to the people of Paris were limited to positive things, she could only imagine the outrage if the truth ever was revealed.
“Paris knows you saved them from Hawkmoth’s terror. Of course they’ll view you as one, Marinette.”
A scoff came out of her mouth as she wiped the corners of her mouth clean with a napkin. “Only because Ladybug chose to alter the truth. Two years ago.”
She plopped down onto the chair, “Do you think I should have…done it differently?”
The uncertainty swirled in her, curling into the depths of her mind like it oftentimes did. The two years post Gabriel Agreste’s death has changed her. Perhaps forever.
Lying was never her strong suit, but she had been inclined to take this one to preserve Gabriel’s remaining integrity.
“You know there’s nothing you could have done, Marinette. He had his mind set on leaving this world with his wife. You tried your hardest until the very end to let him stay.”
“Maybe if I hadn’t been so naive, I could have stopped him altogether.” The image of him levitating slowly into the air with Emilie was practically imprinted. The Bee Miraculous had been extremely effective to venom the subject in place.
“You can’t always dwell on the ‘what-ifs.’ If there’s one thing I learned living alongside my many holders, it’s that there’s always a price to pay. The world is fair and just, and gives reward and consequences accordingly. You might feel like the decision you made has led you down a tumultuous path, but there’s no guarantee the alternate reality would play out exactly the way you want it to.”
She sighed, knowing her kwami’s wisdom was correct. “You’re right. I know that. I’ve seen it with Shadybug. I just wish it’s easier sometimes, you know? If I have to lie to the entire world about who Hawkmoth actually was, I would rather do it knowing someone else is sharing the burden with me.”
Tikki giggled, doing an unusual eyebrow waggle, “Would you have really let down your emotional baggage, Marinette?”
At her attempt to lighten the mood, Marinette couldn’t help but roll her eyes, “Ha ha. Of course not. You know me too well.”
Her ringtone cut through the air.
“It’s Alya,” Tikki announced.
She put it on speaker, falling back onto the chair with a, “Hey Alya. What’s up?”
“Hey girl! Saw you and Adrien running into each other yesterday. How was it?”
“How do you know?” She was pretty sure she kept their hangout to themselves.
Alya’s laugh sounded through. “You were with the Adrien Agreste, Marinette. The entire thread was full of you two on your dinner dates. I’d be more surprised if you two managed to get away unnoticed the entire afternoon. Never mind that you’re also pretty famous yourself.”
Marinette made a small noise that was neither agreement or disagreement. In hindsight, it had been pretty rare for them to spend hours together without rumors flying. Then again, the paparazzi were probably used to seeing them. They’ve been friends for so many years; nothing has developed between them, so it made sense to leave them alone.
Alya hummed on the other end, “How is Adrien?”
“He’s…doing fine.” Marinette twirled, eyes falling on a picture of her and him. She rolled the chair closer to her desk to pull it off her picture board. “I had to save him from a group of strangers staring at him from holding up the line, but he’s the same.”
“And you? How are your feelings?”
“I don’t know.” Marinette sighed. “He was out to get a bouquet for a girl.”
“Adrien has a girl?!”
“Who knew, right?” Tracing a finger down the edge of the picture, she laid it flat on her desk. “I didn’t think he would have had someone. I mean—I guess it was strange for him to be single for so long. He’s so nice and handsome and kind—You know.” A hand reached to pull at the ends of her hair, “I just thought we would have known about it. Finding out like that was not…great.”
“Oh girl, I am sorry. Did he say who she was? I can’t believe he’s had it stay hidden for so long! That boy is usually an open book!”
“Well, we all have our secrets.”
“Not us, though.”
Despite Alya’s laugh, Marinette could only return a half chuckle. She was no better than Adrien hiding this mysterious girl from them. At least his secret was harmless minus the emotional damage made to one girl and several fans in the future. Her secret was never going to be laid out in the open. She has to keep her promise to him—keep Adrien’s memory of his father intact.
“Maybe you need a night out. Something to keep your mind off him.”
“I should at least try,” she entertained the idea. “Girls night soon?”
“Girls’ night very, very soon. I’ll gather the girls and let you know the date. Deal?”
“Deal. Thanks Alya. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“Oh, don’t I know it,” Alya cackled, and Marinette let loose a few giggles. “Keep your head up, girl. Adrien is good and all, but there are more people out there. There’s also a certain feline you could hit up.”
“Alya!” She felt her cheeks flush at the mention of Cat Noir. “I thought you were putting that ship down.”
“Hey, I was one of the pioneers of Maricat.”
Marinette squeezed her eyes shut at the ship name. “Alyaaaaaaaa!”
“Just, think about it. He’s charming, powerful and protective! Remember when he’d step in to walk you home at night? No one asked him to do that. Cat Noir just offered. I might have joined the team later, but I know when something used to be there between you two. He doesn’t just love you, Marinette. He worships the ground you step on. He’d do anything for you. I could tell that all from just his eyes.”
“Does it matter? He doesn’t like Marinette. He likes Ladybug.”
“You have the Miraculous back in your possession, Marinette. There’s no harm in letting him know who you are now.”
Tikki gave an affirming nod from her corner spot with a smile. Marinette gave a good-natured eye roll.
“Noted. I’ll see you.”
“See you! I love you, Marinette.”
“I love you, too.”
Hanging up the call with Alya, Marinette thought about her friend’s advice.
Was it really that obvious still that Cat Noir loved Ladybug? With how many years they’ve fought alongside one another, she thought the affection would have subdued. That’s the way love usually transitioned with time. Love gradually lightening to a slow-burning fire pit—this was the way it felt to her.
“I guess he wouldn’t have asked me to do the 36 questions if he felt nothing,” she supposed.
Stretching her body, she noticed how time had passed. It was now evening, with only a couple more hours left to see Cat Noir again.
She wondered if he was better. Seeing him so distraught…made her feel terrible. A part of her wanted to make it all go away, because she knows the person he is. Cat Noir was tough in appearance, emphasized by his power of destruction, but the team knew he was really a mood maker. Ladybug was more so the tough one being firm.
“Maybe I should prepare something for him. What do you say we go down to grab some pastries and goodies from the kitchen, Tikki?”
“I think that sounds like a wonderful idea, Marinette. I can already smell it all from here. It’s a new batch of cookies! Chocolate-chip flavored.”
Chattering with Tikki down the stairs, Marinette felt a rush of gratitude. Even though her life had a whole lot of obstacles, trading it in for a regular life wasn’t even an option she’d entertain. Marinette liked the purpose it gave to her life.
This time Ladybug was the one that appeared later than Cat.
Since the last meeting was done at their usual spot with the Eiffel Tower as the view, Cat had suggested they meet at the tower. He had everything set up, and a set of blankets on the side.
“M’lady!” He stood with arms outstretched and a bright smile. At least that meant he was feeling better.
Ladybug walked over with her yoyo in hand. “You’re early today, Kitty. Couldn’t wait to see me, hmm?”
She watched in fascination as a slight blush coated the skin beneath his mask. It was subtle and barely noticeable in the dark, but somehow she saw. Her heart warmed.
“It’s to make up for yesterday. You were so much earlier than me. I thought I’d come out to set everything up so that we can spend more time together.”
Ladybug nodded, settling down on a spot beside him. He handed her the blanket, which she gratefully took around her form. She couldn’t feel the texture of it beneath her gloves, but it looked furry and insulating. Cat watched her carefully, making sure she was comfortable.
Today’s question wasn’t supposed to be too difficult, but he had a feeling it was going to make for some interesting answers.
He thought to himself that this really did feel like a dream. There were a lot of scenarios in his mind for how this could have gone. Truthfully, he had anticipated the worst case—Ladybug denying him. Yet, she had been receptive, even going beyond to participate in earnest.
It was feeble, this hope in him. Yet, it was hope nevertheless. He clung onto that to give him strength for tonight.
“I hope you’re ready for today’s question. Did you take a look beforehand, Bugaboo?” He asked.
She shook her head with a laugh.
A bite down on the chocolate chip cookie she brought blew his eyes wide. “Holy, bug. These are the best cookies I’ve ever had.”
She laughed because his expression was goofy. Sliding her yoyo out of position, she snapped a shot of Cat. When he noticed, he gave a “Heyyy!”
“Sorry, Cat. You looked dorky.” Ladybug laughed, putting her yoyo away. “Also these cookies are also from Dupain-Cheng’s bakery.”
“They have cookies?”
“I would assume so from Paris’ biggest boulangerie,” she teased. “Yes, they’re a hidden gem, but delicious the same.”
Cat tapped a finger on his chin. “Remind me to go get these next time. I’m going to be dreaming about these in my sleep.”
Ladybug shook her head, adding in a face palm for humor. The two shared a glance, smiles hanging off their faces like idiots. Neither looked away, even as their wide grins simmered down to a look of understanding and trust.
“You should ask the questions,” she reminded him. There was something in the air she couldn’t pinpoint. All she knew was that his gaze grounded her in the moment.
“Okay,” he cleared his throat, breaking his gaze. She took that moment to also look away, noticing the city lights by the roads. The city really was the prettiest at night. Her heart leaped.
“Alright! The second question is: Would you like to be famous? In what way?”
Ladybug flicked a brow, “We’re already famous, Cat.”
He shook his index finger, “Set all of that premise aside, M’lady. Imagine you’re a normal person offered a chance to be famous. Would you want to?”
She thought about it. “Are we taking our real identities into this?”
That perked his interest, “Ooh, am I hanging out with a real-life celebrity?”
Ladybug gave a playful push, “That’s not what I meant—and no, I am not famous as my civilian self.” She huffed.
“I don’t know, Bug…that feels like something someone famous would say to shake people like me off their tail.”
At those words, she could only roll her eyes. “Interpret it how you want. I’m also torn about this question.”
“How so?”
Tugging at the ends of the blanket around her frame, she let her gaze wander down to the streets of Paris again. “I would want to be famous for the right reasons. Take our superhero selves as an example. The city holds us in high regard because we’ve saved them from so many disasters. Without us, they would have succumbed to the Butterfly.” She curled tighter into herself. “I don’t love the responsibility that comes with being famous, but if I could choose this life again, I would.”
“Really?” Cat twisted the ring on his finger, “You don’t despise Master Fu for dropping this onto you? We were only fourteen, Bug. Don’t you sometimes think he should have chosen someone older that knew the full consequences of their actions?”
“It would be a lie to say I don’t,” she admitted. Part of her youth was forever torn to shreds by becoming Ladybug. Yes, she had hated it at first, being the klutz in life that she was. It burdened her knowing that one action could easily snowball the city into one of living hell. “But if I dwell too much on it, there would be too many things to hate, and I would rather focus on the positives. Besides—” his breath caught in his throat as she looked at him. “I got to meet you. I’d call that a pretty big win on my end.”
Feeling more than vulnerable, Ladybug flicked her eyes away. “What about you? Do you want to be famous?”
“No.”
Ladybug looked at him, surprised. “Really? I thought you would want the attention. You’re always so proactive saving akumatized villains after they’re reverted.”
“That’s…true.” Cat could agree with that. He couldn’t bear leaving the civilians confused. “But that’s different from wanting to be famous. I like helping people and putting them back on their feet, but I would rather avoid the attention that comes with it.”
He could feel Ladybug looking at him. “I grew up surrounded by paparazzi out of my own will. They’re ruthless, M’lady. You’ve seen how invasive they can get especially when a new ‘hook’ has been detected. It’s not a good environment to be in when young.”
For a long time after being flash-bombed by cameras, Adrien couldn’t stand being in a fully lit room. Hours after events, he’d crash out on the bed with his face down on the sheets in a completely dark room. Even with his eyes closed, his eyes burned.
“I think I’ve had enough fame in this lifetime,” he smiled, though Ladybug could tell he was just doing it to ease her mind. “It’s not something I want to go through again.”
Ladybug saw through him. He was clenching his fists tight by his thighs. Reaching a hand over, she grasped his hands, pressing her palms into his. She squeezed their interlocked hands tight, hoping he’d know what she was trying to put into action. Cat got the message and gave a light squeeze back.
“Thank you for sharing, Cat. I didn’t know you grew up like that.”
He closed his eyes and shook his head. “You make it easy to share things like that. Thank you.”
They sat in quiet, heart a little lighter despite the heavy insinuations of a not-so-perfect past.
“For all things that happened, I’m also glad fame brought me to you, M’lady.”
Cookie scene:
Marinette couldn’t sleep a wink after tonight.
There was so much of Cat she’d been learning.
First, he was likely an orphan. That thought made her stomach twist. They weren’t kids anymore, but this was something new she’d have to remember.
Second, he was famous. There was no saying how famous he actually was, but she would have to guess that it was on a national scale at the very least. Otherwise, he would not have expressed his strong opinions against fame.
Finally, he loved their cookies. She’d have to remember to bring more of them tomorrow.
She closed her eyes with a small sigh. Hopefully things would be okay.