Chapter Text
Driver was not having a good day. The amount of people who had no idea the time and expertise to fixing cars, as well as zero respect for others, was unfortunately a lot. He grunted as he sat stewing angrily in his car in the parking lot, hands gripping the steering wheel until the veins in his arms were straining.
He needed to calm down.
Calming down was easy these days. Ryland was out on the bus lot, directing children around. He had a neon vest on that was making it easy to track him, and he couldn't help but think of Ryland like a goose directing its goslings to where they needed to be.
A cute image.
It was one that often came to Driver's mind when he saw the other man in his element while teaching. A few of his students were rather sticky and enjoyed following the other man around, in neat little lines and groups. Ryland never seemed bothered by it at all, accepting their attention with grace and using it to teach. He always look so satisfied with his work, no matter how tired he was after a bad day.
He was cute.
Driver could feel his angry leaving his body as he watched from a distance. He missed kids, he thinks, but couldn't bare to get close at the same time. Ryland being a teacher fixed that though, he had no real stake in the children's well being but he got to see them. It could also be anything was nice to see as long as Ryland was there, which… wouldn't be a surprise.
Driver thought Ryland was s really cute.
From the way the man couldn't seem to keep his hands still as he talked to his seeming excitement at the smallest of things. Ryland was an ever shining light in Driver's life, like a star that had quickly outshines any other lights Driver had seen. He was just a happy person, a trusting person. It was easy to see why people flocked to him, especially when Driver got to see it more and more on a personal level.
And he saw it a lot.
Driver found himself not regretting hitting the poor man with his car at all. It gave him ample opportunity to insert himself in the other man's life from seeing him almost daily to take him to work to more domestic things. It was easy for him to go along with Ryland anywhere, the older man obviously enjoying companionship. Driver took him to the grocery store, helped him laundry, cooked for him, and it felt like so much more. Driver wished he felt more hesitant about this but he was absolutely stuck in the human incarnate of sunshine that was Ryland Grace and he refused to step back now.
And sunshine was walking towards him now.
Driver slipped out from the car with a happy little hum, playing with the toothpick in his mouth. He looked a content kind of tired, the usual look after working a full day with surprisingly energetic kids. It was a good look on the man, satisfied and warm. Driver leaned against his car as a sigh slipped out from him, staring as Ryland pulled off the vest.
Amazing.
Ryland looked up and met Driver's eyes and started to excitedly wave. His blond hair was a little messy and his glasses were skewed off of his nose but it felt right to see him like this. Driver nodded his head in greeting as he pursed his lips around the toothpick, trying to keep his face neutral.
"Hey, give me a second to grab my stuff and we can go? I won't take too long, I know you wanted to get to the bike shop today." Ryland said as he came in close, a soft tilt to his head.
Cute.
Driver took in a breath to keep himself in control ,rolling the toothpick in his mouth side to side. He jerkily nodded his head at the man's words, though in truth he couldn't help but not want to go to the bike shop. He liked this routine they had developed, he liked to see Ryland and have the older man rely on him. He loved the feeling of being something, of warm eyes that searched for him just to smile.
Driver sighed very softly as he watched the other man turn back into the school, going up the stairs. He dramatically swung himself to the side since nobody was there to judge him, sliding into the driving seat. It was easy to be around Ryland, it was good to be around Ryland, and he knew that he was far too attached compared to the mere weeks they'd talked.
Ryland eventually came back out of the school, Driver's eyes instantly on him. He felt a chill run up his spine and pressed his tongue on his toothpick as he analyzed the man's harsh gait. The man was hiding his face in his stripped pull over, an iron grip on his bag. Stressed, upset. As he got closer Driver felt like he'd been stabbed through the heart this time, looking at those redden cheeks and tears slipping down them or attaching to the lenses of his glasses.
It. Was. Not. A. Good. Day.
He wanted his hammer right now, but he was frozen still.
Driver had never seen the man cry before, he had preferred it that way. There were some near times like when they were watching something on the television and they were showing off baby lynxes, Ryland going off about their 'widdle' ear puffs. Driver didn't get it but Ryland was cute and flushed and happy so that's all that mattered.
This was not like that time.
Ryland's chest shook as he struggled to take in breathes, like he was barely remembering to be human. Driver almost flung himself over the center part of his car to let the man in, his skin feeling cold.
"Thanks." Ryland had mumbled, but it was so small that Driver felt his hear break. His brain felt like it was on high alert as he tried to figure out what was wrong just with his eyes. Ryland was sniffly and trying to hold back more tears, face blotchy with its flush.
He hated it.
Ryland tried to hide from him, to keep his eyes away, but Driver wouldn't let that happen. He had already made one mistake letting someone pull away, and he refused to let it happen again. He wouldn't be able to handle that a second time.
Driver leaned into the backseat to grab the box of tissues he kept there, pulling it out and grabbing some. Driver leaned over to Ryland, not caring as the gearshift dug into his rib. Instead he grabbed the man's scruffy chin before gently sliding glasses away from the man's face.
And oh.
Driver felt himself freeze as he looked at those ocean eyes, deep and blue. The tears in them created a shine like sapphires, something he didn't know he needed to see. The man bumbled and hiccuped in the palm of his hand, face wet with a whimper stuck in his throat. It was… Cute. Unfortunately cute.
Driver was learning things about himself.
He forced himself to press the tissue to wet cheeks and hold them to the man's eyes. He dried each of the man's tears just as they slipped out, careful to cradle the man's face. How deeply Driver wished he could feel this warmth without his gloves in they way. He wanted to just stay here, to help the man work though whatever pain this was with his hands, to offer a steady hold.
"Thanks…" Ryland murmured in a small voice, one so unlike his normal tone. Driver felt his knuckles clench after the teacher had pulled away to clean himself up, keeping his eyes torn away. Driver wanted to whine at the way the other man tried to hide. That wasn't a Ryland thing.
And it wouldn't do to try and have someone make him like that.
Ryland jerked his head to send his glasses tumbling down onto his nose- cute- but didn't say anything. He awkwardly shifted around in his seat, uncomfortable. Driver kept him pinned down with his gaze, careful as he watched. His toothpick got pressed between two teeth as Driver poked his tongue with it, hoping that the pain would keep him from pathetically begging for some kind of answer.
"It was just something stupid with my coworker." Ryland finally relented, curling up against the window. Driver let out a soft but shaky breath, ready for the man to continued. Ryland liked to talk, and Driver wanted to listen. "Just a stupid conversation I've had before with other people. I'm… Just tired of the concern."
Ah.
Driver froze as he shifted in his seat, running his finger over the key. He rolled his shoulders, trying to think. On one hand if Ryland was hesitant to talk he shouldn't have to. On the other Driver needed to know what was going on with the man, and talking always seemed to help him organize his thoughts.
"Talk about it to me?" He offered carefully. Driver tried to be careful with his words, wanting the other man to take him seriously when he did speak. He so was just bad at communication, but Ryland saw past that all the time. Still, Driver started the car and pulled away from the school, hoping that the usual ride home would end up filled with words as it always was.
Home. Because like hell he'd give Ryland a reason to pull away when he was like this. No bike shop, no bike, no Ryland leaving when he was miserable.
"It's not the kind of thing I want to repeat."
Driver felt his blood go cold.
What. What had occurred when he was so close by. Driver bit down on his toothpick so hard to the point he could feel it begin to splinter in his mouth and he had to stop. His hands were locked in an iron grip on the steering wheel and gear shift instead.
"I… It's just dumb. People my age have already settled down, maybe have a few kids, so when people see me they just pity me. I don't need the pity but that's always the first reaction to it." Ryland blurted out and Driver grunted.
Okay. Not hammer time. Ryland was just self conscious about people pointing out he wasn't settled down.
Driver could fix that… Technically.
That's not what the other man needed right now though.
"How old are you?" Driver scanned the road as he asked, turning. Ryland was quiet as he stared for a second before he hummed.
"Thirty-six." Was Ryland's simple response. Driver smiled as he wracked his brain for something to say. Ryland had a book on science puns at home, and a shirt with the periodic table. It was a lighthearted read and easy to understand, though Driver got so into it he hadn't realized Ryland was making an attempt to burn down his kitchen in the background.
Thirty-six elections, Krypton, Noble Gas.
"You're young and noble, though." Driver said in a deadpan voice as he made a turn. He could see Ryland's eyes widen then squint from the side and he forced his eyes to look ahead, even as the other man leaned in.
Leaned very far in. Driver squeezed the gearshift as he could feel the other man's stomach press against his arm.
"Oh?" Ryland had a soft tilt to his voice again, an excited undertone. It was like showing a pet a treat, dangling it over to watch them twist and turn.
So very cute.
"I didn't expect that to get much of a reaction." Driver whispered as he struggled to keep a straight face. Ryland was smiling again, a happy little gasp leaving his lips. It was hard to pay attention and his hand flexed under Ryland's abdomen.
"You read my science pun book!" The teacher was excited now and Driver couldn't help but easily nod. It was cute the way he'd get excited over someone showing interest in what he liked, and Driver enjoyed learning for the man.
"A worthy sacrifice if it makes you smile." Driver hummed, guiding the wheel into a turn. Not too strong of a way to come onto Ryland, but the man deserved something gentle and subtle. He was a good person after all, and Driver couldn't help wanting to keep him cradled close.
"Careful now, get any better at the dad jokes and all the girls around you will start running thinking you're taken." Ryland teased, his hand barely grazing Driver's forearm. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest, like he was truly and ultimately alive.
It was so thrilling.
Still, the comment about him being taken had to be rectified. Driver took his eyes off the road to pin Ryland down with it, brow raised and a slight hit to his head, watching Ryland's smile twitch at the attention. He let his eyes roam over the other's face, firm brows, soft edges, scruffy. It was easy to look at Ryland, the man feeling so.. Human that it was just a comfort.
The teacher awkwardly laughed and turned away from Driver, and he caught just enough of a flush on the man's face. He let out a small hum as he looked back at the road, quite pleased with the man's squirming.
Luckily for both of them the apartment was right here and Driver pulled into the usual spot. Ryland floundered around as he struggled to get out of his seat, squirming and hands shaking. His face was still a delightful flush and Driver gripped the steering wheel for a moment before stepping out.
"Dinner." Driver felt himself saying as he rounded to Ryland, keeping his eyes firmly on the man. He slipped the bag off the man's shoulders and onto his own, watching as he froze momentarily. Before the man could snap out of it he went to the familiar staircase, giving a soft sigh as he heard Ryland trot to catch up and open the door.
Has Driver said that Ryland was cute before? He is, even through the bumbling mishaps and the awkward fumbling, and Driver couldn't feel happier to be so attached to the teacher.
The man rambled on about the replaced light in the stair well for a bit as the walked, before he froze on his apartment floor. Driver paused in his steps to look at Ryland, brow furrowing as he followed his gaze.
Flowers…
Ryland never showed much of an interest in flowers before, but these had halted him in his tracks. The teacher had this look on his face, brow twitching and lips thin, before he quickly crossed over to the vase.
"Hahaha, probably for my neighbor, its so easy to mix up the doors here." Ryland tried to move past Driver to toss the flowers to the side. Driver looked at the small note that the other had probably missed, plucking it out. He turned it over in his hand, the other's name neatly written out.
Hm.
The flowers themselves weren't bad, big sunflowers filling up most of the bouquet and the rest being pinks with small dots of red. It was sunny and warm, and Driver could see why the man before him was the obvious recipient. Driver didnt know much about flowers but these looked nice, expensive even, every petal perfectly in shape and not a single one bent or bruised.
"They're pretty." Driver felt himself soothing the man's anxiety over them. They were pretty and perfect and so very Ryland that Driver couldn't help but admire them, especially seeing him hold them up near his chest. This was the kind of image husbands would have of their wife proudly hung up in their home or as a phone background maybe, and Driver just had to commit it to memory.
Driver slid his hands onto Ryland's, just holding them gently before slowly pulling the vase away. The man seemed to like them somewhere under that panic, considering the fact he picked them up at all. Driver looked down at the flowers with a soft sigh, tilting his head. "Door?"
Ryland fumbled around again as he remembered what he was supposed to be doing, patting around his body. Driver couldn't help but smile at the soft noise that he made in satisfaction of finding his keys, pulling the card from Driver's hands before unlocking the door.
Fine, keep some secrets, for now.
Entering the apartment was familiar at this point, warm. There was the smell of coffee lingering in the air, probably Ryland forgetting to empty the pot this morning. The rich colors of the room guided Driver's eyes as he toed off his shoes, crossing over to put the flowers on the coffee table.
They were unfortunately nice.
Driver clutched at the vase for a moment, wishing he was the receiver. What would Ryland do when handed flowers directly and not haphazardly delivered to his door? Would it be that wide sunny smile that so often crossed his face, dimples barely visible. Would he blush at the thoughtfulness, fumbling around as he tried to think of an appropriate way to say thanks?
Driver needed to find out one of these days.
"This happen often?" Driver found himself asking as he turned around. Ryland was staring off into space wordlessly, at some spot on the floor. Driver frowned softly and stepped closer, reaching up to fiddle with the letter that was in Ryland's death grip.
The man jolted out of his mood for just a second, staring up at Driver. His hands shook a little, crumpling the unopened the letter, before he seemingly let out a small breath to calm himself down.
"They're.. Just flowers." Ryland mumbled, looking away. Sunflowers and lilies and some other stuff. Not all that interesting. Friendly."
Driver felt like that last word was more Ryland trying to convince himself.
Ryland's eyes sort of… glazed over again, trapped back in his thoughts. The apartment was so quiet Driver could hear the electricity buzzing in the background, the cars passing down on the street. It was unnatural for any space of the teacher's to be this quiet, Ryland seemed to hate it. He always filled silence with his words or with electronics, even if he wasn't paying attention to the media playing.
So…. Not good.
Driver put his hands carefully on the man's shoulders, not getting any sort of reaction. He found himself carefully guiding the panicking… no that wasn't the word. Ryland was basically just frozen in his own body, jaw practically wired shut. He carefully guided Ryland back against the couch, just until his knees hit the edge of it and sat him down.
Ryland was still looking at the letter in his hands.
Driver let out a worried little croon that slipped past his throat, unused to this. What were you supposed to do when someone was unresponsive but alive? Was this some kind of panic attack? He felt his hands gently rubbing the man's shoulders, but that didnt seem to do much of anything.
He hated it though. More than the crying. He hated this useless feeling as Ryland silently suffered.
Driver pulled away from Ryland for a moment, frowning to himself. Maybe weight could help, Irene would always wrap Benicio in a heavy winter blanket when things didn't seem to calm down for the boy. Driver turned to look over his shoulder, at the door never touched or opened while he was here.
Ryland's bedroom.
Driver swallowed nervously, biting down on his lip. It probably wasn't weird to go into your friend's-that-you-hit-with-your-car-then-got-a-crush-on room, especially just to grab something.
Driver still hesitated as he turned the door knob.
He was being weird about this, most definitely. Driver was weird, period, but so was Ryland.
Its just a blanket.
Driver sighed as he swung the door open, eyes roaming around. It was… a fairly normal bedroom by all assumptions. Maybe a little messy but Ryland kept the door closed for a reason. There was a pile of clothes lazily strewn between a basket and a shitty folder chair that was shoved against the wall, a few ties still knotted laying there.
Maybe he should try and get Ryland into doing laundry more often…
Driver shook his head as he stepped into the room, heading to the bed. There was an excess of pillows on it, and even an oddly disformed… bear? Driver stared at it and a single circular mouth with flared teeth stand back. It reminded him of a bear but it was almost fleshy and had four pairs of legs. Maybe some fantasy monster or microbe.
Still Driver couldn't help but look around, hand sliding over the quilt on Ryland's bed. He'd grab it, he would, but strangely enough being in the other man's bedroom felt so personal. There was his dresser on another wall across from where the bed was, a small CRT TV on top along with some kind of old console. Beside it was a few framed photographs, as well as one flipped down to face against the wood. Driver dragged the quilt along as he went to look at the photos, letting out a soft hum.
There was Ryland in most of them. And an almost-Ryland. That was probably the occasionally mentioned twin, Colt, then and he looked happy in most of the photos. There was a frame that held multiple photos, a series of images from Ryland's graduation it seemed. He was excitedly holding his cap and diploma in the first one, looking around Driver's age. The next one had Ryland's hand in the air as he tossed the diploma, then the next image was him turning to catch it, camera a little blurry as the photographer moved to help.
Driver's eyes slid over to the photograph knocked over, hesitating for a moment. Against his better judgment he gingerly lifted it up, just enough to look at it. In it was an older man, sitting in a hospital chair. He looked exhausted and like he'd been crying for hours, two babies in both of his arms wearing similar expressions.
Driver felt his throat bob painfully.
He put the photograph back down and left the room, pulling the door closed behind him. Ryland was still on the couch, seemingly despondent, clutching that letter. Driver walked over carefully and wrapped the quilt around the man's shoulders. Ryland hunched over just slightly under the weight, but his hands still trembled.
Driver's brows knit as he pulled away, running a hand through his own hair. Ryland was the one who always calmed him down why couldn't Driver do the same. He paced back and forth for a moment as he bit down on his lip, no clue where he'd abandoned his toothpicks at this point. He slid into the kitchen and rummaged around, still a little unfamiliar with how Ryland kept things. He did not find toothpicks, but he did find mugs and a few cheap teabags.
Tea calmed people down, right?
Driver swore under his breath as he fiddled around with the electric kettle Ryland kept in an abandoned corner of the counter, pulling it out and plugging it into the wall before filling it up with water. He pressed his nails into his fingers and tapped his foot as it felt like it took forever to heat up, nervously looking over at Ryland in the living room all the while.
After far too much time for his preference he heard the bubbling of water. Driver allowed himself a controlled breath to calm down, rolling his shoulders before pouring the water. He dunked the teabags in an effort to speed along the brewing process, barely letting the drinks get to a vaguely right color before pulling out the bags and tossing them into the sinks. He strode across the apartment in quick, controlled steps, holding onto both the mugs.
Ryland had opened the letter.
"Drink." Driver felt himself ordering as he extended the cup out. That managed to jolt Ryland out of his mood and the man blinked in surprise as he looked at the letter, then Driver, and then to the outstretched mug. The teacher folded up the note and discarded without much of a care onto the coffee table, taking the mug with a murmured thanks.
Driver looked at Ryland curled up in the quilt with a cup of tea then down at the sofa. He let a soft noise rise out of his throat to get the other man's attention and then gestured down to the sofa. Ryland let out a small hum and shifted to the side, letting the other man sit beside him.
Driver had so many questions, so many concerns. Was Ryland still upset? Was he in danger of whoever gave these flowers? The man didn't seem to have many close friends who would come over to this side of town. Marissa only seemed to do it to help a drunk Ryland home and the man wasn't close enough with his coworkers to host them.
So who the hell would send the man flowers out of the blue? Expensive ones at that.
Either way he reminded silent and extended his arm around the back of the couch, just far enough for Ryland to keep distance if he wanted. Driver was relieved when the other man leaned back though, head pressed onto his arm. Driver just took a sip of tea with his other hand, watching Ryland curl up at his side. The man looked tired in a way tea couldn't slip, and Driver couldn't help but wonder if the other man was wearing a mask that had slipped away now.
Eventually Driver couldn't deal with his own anxious thoughts surrounding the other man, shifting closer. He leaned in a little more and curled his arm, Ryland accepting the closeness by relaxing into him.
"Talking?" Driver felt himself, wanting Ryland to be filling that silence between them. Ryland's eyes trailed off of his tea cup and over to the flowers, his knuckles going white where he had been holding them. The teacher closed his eyes and kept close, brows furrowed. "You don't like them."
It was no skin off of Driver's back if Ryland didn't like them. Hell, if the man wanted he'd go throw them out of the nearest window. Driver just wanted Ryland to be okay again, to not silently suffer like this. Ryland didnt open his eyes but he sighed, squeezing his mug.
"I like flowers. I really like the flowers, they're gorgeous. I just… I don't like who sent them." Ryland mumbled softly, his voice still shaken up. Driver felt his heart twist at how small the usually passionate man seemed, the pain far worse than any stab wound or bullet graze he's had. Driver bit harshly down on his lip as he curled into Ryland, struggling to keep himself from slipping.
"I can get rid of them." He offered, mumbling a reassurance. He didn't care what kind of person this was, they wouldn't have a scar that could resist a hammer after all. People were human at the end of the day, and humans oh so fragile. He didn't care what it would take, as long as Ryland wasn't suffering.
Ryland let out a soft little chuckle as Driver buried his face in the man's hair and nape. He let out a breath of air and Ryland twisted away, shaking his head.
"You don't have to get rid of the flowers. They're nice to look at and I don't think getting sunflowers this time of year is cheap. They're just overly expensive which makes me uncomfortable and T- he usually gets weird about these things. He's a stubborn jerk, always has been, but when it comes to things like this its stupidly sweet and I feel like he expects something." Ryland rambled as he took a sip of his tea, opening his eyes again. He brought a hand to smooth out his hair where Driver had nosed it out of the way, the action almost subconscious.
Oh. Yea the flowers are totally what Driver meant by that. That was normal.
Driver looked at the flower's over Ryland's head, curling closer to the man. He brought his fingers into the blond strands, feeling the dry texture of them on his finger tips. It was surprisingly nice to run his fingers through nonetheless, and Driver leaned in. Ryland's shampoo was surprisingly woodsy, though it suited him none the less. He was lost in thoughts of how cute Ryland was, of his hair and nice scent and general demeanor. He sighed softly as he looked around the room, filled of things but not personal.
"You deserve nice things." Driver murmured reassuringly, squeezing his arms around the man. It was true, Ryland was kind, trusting, funny and determined, and deserved nice things and people. He didn't deserve to feel trapped in his own life, or all alone in his apartment. "And flowers are just plants, they only have arbitrary meanings. And fuck that guy if he's trying to be nice to get something out of it."
Ryland sputtered a little at the last part, laughing into his tea mug. His shoulders were shaking as he tried to hold back the laughter, far more amused then he ought to be. Driver knew that the man had a rather clean vocabulary, probably due to working with children all day, so Driver often tried to emulate that. This was warranted enough though, so a single expletive was enough for Driver to allow himself.
"Yea. He's not just nice for the sake of it like you." Ryland mumbled as he curled into Driver's side, tugging up the quilt over his legs.
Nice. Driver was nice.
That wasn't right.
Driver was selfish, he was greedy. He wanted more than most would be willing to offer, his stain hands keeping a reminder of the costs of things. It was human to want, yes, but Driver knew he took this to extremes.
Driver bit the inside of his cheek.
Ryland had come to rely on him because of offer kindness. That wasn't real though. Driver was selfish and just wanted to have a reason to keep the other man near. He kept putting off on helping Ryland by that bike for a reason, he knew that. He kept randomly popping in to return containers only to take them back after he's helped Ryland cook. He made excuses after excuses for himself, because he was selfish but he too deserved nice things.
Nice things like Ryland.
Driver didn't have work today. He'd still dropped of Ryland saying that he had work of course, but the teacher would have rejected the ride if he had known it was out of the way. Whatever, Drive knew how Ryland worked and he was good at working around limitations.
Still, he drove around, looking around the streets.
When Driver had put a bag in the trash at the back of the apartment building he saw a familiar, slightly droopy bouquet in a flimsy bag. It wasn't even fully wilted or dried, but it had served its purpose for a grand total of six days before being discarded.
Get fucked, mystery guy!
So, given that Ryland now had an empty vase at his apartment, there was only one thing to do.
That's why Driver was going around the streets of San Francisco when he'd normally just stay at home all day. He'd been to multiple flower stands and stores and none of them had sunflowers. One finally had called a few others for him and gave him an address, which meant he'd finally be able to give Ryland what he deserved.
Driver felt a nervous giddy energy over him as he watched Ryland leaving the school that day. He was standing in front of his car with the simple bouquet behind his back out of sight, trying to seem normal.
The two exchanged greetings and just as Ryland got close enough Driver pulled out the flowers. The man's face instantly lit up, mouth open in a pleased smile as he gasped and blushed.
SO FUCKING CUTE.
Driver could die a happy man.
"You didnt have to do that, thank you." Ryland murmured as he took the flowers, gingerly caressing them. He looked so happy at the simplest thing, but Driver sighed at the man's self deprecating words.
"Haven't I told you that you deserve nice things?" Driver huffed out a reminder, rolling his shoulders as he watched the other man. It was hard to keep his hands to himself as the other man had a giddy smile like that, rocking back and forth on his feet. Ryland laughed at that, holding the flowers to his chest as he shook his head.
"You'll have to remind me." Ryland teased, and Driver would easily take the opportunity to do just that. He rolled his eyes and opened the car door for the teacher, dramatically leaning in to buckle him in