Chapter Text
The flight from Tokyo to New York will take thirteen hours and seventeen minutes.
Dad signed the form without second thought; it was surprisingly easy to get his parents to agree. They’re letting him leave Japan and move in with Ken-san’s friend, despite not knowing who he is. It’s a good thing they’re this lax.
Anticipation tickles along his nerves as he takes his seat; he’s not sure what to expect. He hopes to sleep through most of the flight. However, he’s too anxious right now. He keeps his eyes open, though.
As the plane takes off, he can only gaze out the window, cheek propped up. Something weird settles over him.
He never expected to head to America; especially not so soon, especially not alone. Whenever he pictured going global, Toya was always there. The guy was scared shitless of heights, so he’d hold his hand, offer his shoulder to sleep on.
He misses Toya.
He still doesn’t get it; Toya’s determined and brave, always has been. What made him spit on their dream like that? What the fuck was he thinking? Toya’s resolute and stubborn; he stuck with him through their shaky start, through the ridicule and mockery. He doesn’t need anyone else but Toya, he thinks, even if he still hasn’t wholly decoded Toya’s expression from that day.
Toya hadn’t even told him that he was leaving the country. He learned about it from Kusanagi, of all people, as if Toya wanted nothing to do with him anymore. Doesn’t he deserve a proper goodbye, to see Toya one last time, to try and convince him to stay? If only he calmed down sooner, stopped Toya from running away.
The flight from Tokyo to New York will put six thousand, seven hundred and seventy five point twenty eight kilometers between himself and Toya.
Six hours difference. When he wakes, Toya will be busy at school, because he’s certainly still studying. When he’s practicing, the sun will be already down for Toya; will he be using this free time to read? When he heads to bed, Toya will be fast asleep, as he was never a morning person.
What will Toya do, without their old routine? He’s probably not playing classical again, and he quit street, too.
Did Toya give up?
In the period between their argument and Toya leaving, Toya’s been a ghost. He’s barely been at school, and he was quick to disappear on the days he attended. Was Toya giving him space, or was he already planning to leave Japan? It has to be the first one. Despite his words, he knows Toya is kind and considerate; he just needed extra time to get himself under control.
It’s his fault that he lost Toya.
If he was faster, if he had a better grip on his emotions, he could keep Toya by his side. He’d chase Toya’s worries away, as his partner, instead of letting him leave. His short temper always got him into trouble. Right now, it’s why he’s alone.
Would Toya have come back if he asked him to?
Of course, if Akito ended up wanting him by his side, he’d come back. He’s not enough, not for someone like Akito; his dream was only ever Akito’s, shared with him out of the kindness of Akito’s heart. If Akito chose to share it with him still, he’d stand by Akito’s side.
Would Akito ever want to have him back, after how much he’s hurt him?
He wants Toya back. Toya had to have a good reason to be so cruel; maybe it was his old man again, maybe something awful snuck into his mind to sow doubt. He should’ve noticed, paid better attention, been a better partner. He prided himself on being able to read Toya like an open book, and he failed when it mattered most.
Why did Toya do this?
He had to make sure that Akito won’t want to see him again. Seeing how brightly Akito burns, how Azusawa and Shiraishi share his resolve, he realized how much he lacks in that department. He had to push Akito away, had to break his heart.
Would Akito forgive him?
He doesn’t think he can forgive Toya. He knew what he was doing, he knew where to hit to hurt the hardest. Toya knew he’d heard similar things from people on Vivid Street, and despite staying by his side back then, he chose to be no different from them. He had to have his reasons, though. Even if he doesn’t forgive, he’d still accept Toya back. They’d work through it, together.
To his surprise, the exhale he breathes is wobbly.
He misses Toya.
He misses Toya’s microscopic smile, and the chill of his hand bumping against his own, and the steadiness of his voice. He wants to see Toya’s smile grow with every passing day, little by little, until his eyes crinkle with the force of it. He misses Ken-san’s pancakes, and the cafes they went to together. Without Toya, no one will help him study, and he’s moving into New York while barely knowing any English. If Toya knew, he’d scold him for being so reckless, for never paying attention in class, then lend him his own neat notes.
He’ll miss having someone to practice with, until the sun sets and beyond, and Toya’s calm assurance that tomorrow they’ll get even better than today. He’ll miss Vivid Street, despite the pain it brought him. He’ll miss having someone by his side, their bodies in sync, their hearts beating in the same rhythm.
He covers his face with his hands. He hates how everything played out, and he wishes he was in Japan, with Toya at his side. The distance between them would be none, without a time difference, and he’d be someplace he belongs.
There’s nothing he can do now. He’ll keep going forward, as it’s the only thing he can do, hoping that the key to surpassing RAD WEEKEND is in New York.