Chapter Text
Friday
10:36am
Bakagami: damn this gc is dead
Kuroko: That's what happens when the author runs out of ideas
Bakagami: ???
Bakagami: anyaya wante 2 cme in to gossp
perfectstain: OOOOOO TELL US TELL US
purple giant: ooo gossip
Bakagami: u guysr eall are the mean girls of teiko huh
Bakagami: ANYWAY i heard in the halle arleir that appaently coach and hyuuga-senpai went on a date yesterya
Kuroko: Finally???
Ahomine: thats the dude with the glasses right
Ahomine: who cracks his neck rlly loud for some reason
Bakagami: yea he calsl it clutch time
TsunTsunChan: More like need a chiropractor time.
purple giant: ok that was gkinda unny ur getig better
TsunTsunChan: I don't need your approval.
AbsoluteBitch: I thought it was quite funny Midorima.
Kuroko: You are the last person to be commenting on how funny a joke is.
Ahomine: ooo burnnn
Ahomine: arent u suposed to be going ona fancy business trip akashi whatre u doing texting here?
AbsoluteBitch: I am, yes, but I do love gossip :)
Bakagami: well atleats hes honest
Kuroko: Did you hear anything else?
Bakagami: not trlly i tried to follow them but they saw me and rna away : (
Ahomine: tf weree u oding hidign ebhind corners??
Bakagami: WELL IC OULDN JUST STAND BEHINDTEM
Kuroko: Very classy Bakagami-kun
purple giant: no wodner they ran away
purple giant: i would too if i saw ur ugly eyass face peeking at me from behind corners
Bakagami: god now i know how ksie feels
Bakagami: i tryto provide some entertinnment n all i get is insults
Kuroko: Don't worry, we would have insulted you either way <3
Bakagami: DONT GIVE ME THAT FAKE ASS HEART
perfectstain: welcome to the club kagamicchi (b ᵔ▽ᵔ)b
Bakagami: I DONT WANNA BE AAPART OF IT
perfectstain: ok but did they say where they went for the date????
Bakagami: i thik to the arcade
purple giant: not he best plca for a first daee but ok
Bakagami: ikr
Kuroko: Well he did use to be a gamer so it kinda makes sense
Kuroko: In a vague sort of way
Ahomine: that just makes it worse
TsunTsunChan: I hope he took her someplace nice to eat afterwords at least.
Kuroko: One can dream
Bakagami: look at u guys ebieng so romantic awww
Bakagami: said with sarcas btw
purple giant: yea we got that quadabrow
perfectstain: whars evryrons prefect date idea
Bakagami: going somehwere 2 eat
purple giant: ^
TsunTsunChan: I should have known.
Kuroko: Truly...
Kuroko: Going somewhere quiet like a bookstore with a cafe would be nice...
Kuroko: Maybe taking a walk through the park afterwards as well to look at all the cherry blossoms in season.
TsunTsunChan: I agree. Somewhere like a library would make the perfect spot to get to know someone.
Ahomine: ltieralyl how
Ahomine: ur jsut gonna be quiet the entire time
TsunTsunChan: Knowing one's reading preferences can say a lot about them as a person.
AbsoluteBitch: Indeed.
Bakagami: whats rur ideal date akashi
AbsoluteBitch: To be honest I haven't thought about that much. Perhaps a nice dinner at a restaurant?
Ahomine: ok casanova
Bakagami: what like thsoe high end ones with all the michilen stars
AbsoluteBitch: Mhm.
AbsoluteBitch: Although it can be a bit...much for those not used to it.
Ahomine: understatement of the centry
AbsoluteBitch: Alternatively, I think just staying in with the one you have affection for is also suitable :)
AbsoluteBitch: Just being around that person by itself is more than enough to elevate one's mood.
Ahomine: god u all are so sappy
purple giant: alright hen shae ur ideas trashcan boy
Ahomine: TETSU IM GONAN FCKING KILL YOU
Kuroko: I'll come back and haunt you as a ghost for the rest of your miserable existence.
Ahomine: ghoss etnet evenr eal
Kuroko: Do you really want to start down that train of thought
perfectstain: didnt u pee ur pants durign that one hautned hosue we went to in second year
Ahomine: SHUT UP
Ahomine: NO IDDTN THAT WAS DWEAT
Bakagami: jfc how muchd di u sweat for it ltok lok like piss stains????
TsunTsunChan: It was quite disgusting.
TsunTsunChan: He was more akin to a human waterfall than anything else...
Ahomine: LIEN YOU GUSY WERE ANY EBTTER
Ahomine: KSIE KETP SCRMAINFG HSI FUCKING HEAD OFF AT EVRY JUMPSCARE
purple giant: so were u
Kuroko: Genuinely two peas in a pod
purple giant: more like blanket
perfectstain: *(μ_μ)
perfectstain: its mnot my fautl their jumpscares were so good
TsunTsunChan: No they weren't.
purple giant: yea no they werent
perfectstain: WHA TBAOUT THE GUY WHO CHAEDD US AROUDNW ITH A CHAINSAW
AbsoluteBitch: The chain was removed so it wouldn't have hurt you.
perfectstain: UR NOT HELPING
perfectstain: u kept complimenting the actors costumes the entire time and theorzing how tey mad ehte blood look so real i dont wanna hear anythign rom u akashsicchi
TsunTsunChan: Their attention to detail was quite impressive.
perfectstain: oh my god
purple giant: didnt u also jump a few tiems midochin lolol
TsunTsunChan: SHUT YOUR MOUTH NO I DIDN'T
Kuroko: Mhmmm no I'm pretty sure you did Midorima-kun
TsunTsunChan: Who's side are you on???
Ahomine: o yea it wa the demon that got u good wasnt it lmao
TsunTsunChan: IT WAS VERY STARTLING I WASN'T EXPECTING IT!!!!
Ahomine: youd think being around ademon all day wouldve built up ur tolerance
Kuroko: Honestly that's more of an insult to the demons to compare the two
Bakagami: how akahis tolrates all ofu i ahve no clue
Ahomine: chill we didnt evn say his name dude
Kuroko: Yeah we have to chant it three times to summon him
Bakagami: aright beetlejuice
3:45pm
Bakagami: fuckkkkk im so boreddddd
TsunTsunChan: Don't you have basketball practice?
Ahomine: shouldnt u be practing too and not onur phone
TsunTsunChan: Don't be obtuse, I'm in the bathroom.
purple giant: got aother toilt feak inhere
TsunTsunChan: I'M WASHING MY HANDS THANK YOU VERY MUCH
perfectstain: its like watching ur averge 90s sitocme coupel with these two
Bakagami: ong
Bakagami: but now e dont have pracrice today coach had smth come up so she had to cancel last mintue
Bakagami: so im jsut shooting hoops atthe park
TsunTsunChan: And you're still somehow bored?
Bakagami: well it sno fun playing by myself
Ahomine: if u wanna ask us to come play just sa that damn
TsunTsunChan: YOU should be practicing like the rest of us and not skipping.
TsunTsunChan: I haven't heard anything about your coach also being absent.
Ahomine: whateverrrrrrr
Ahomine: ur such a stick inthe mud u know that
purple giant: more like carrot inthe mud
Ahomine: lmao remmebr that one year we made u dress up as a carrot
Kuroko: You mean when Momoi-san made all of us dress up as our respective fruit?
TsunTsunChan: SHUT UP DO NOT BRING THAT UP ESPECIALLY IN THIS GROUP CHAT!!!!
Bakagami: ok now im curous
Bakagami: spill
Kuroko: For Halloween in our second year we all dressed up as various fruit according to our hair color.
perfectstain: i was a banana! (๑ > ᴗ < ๑)
Ahomine: and way too happy abt it
perfectstain: i looekd prety cute if u ask me
perfectstain: my manager was raving about t for weeks and our sales shot up like 30% lolol
Bakagami: u cant say that ad not show
perfectstain: hold onnnn im getign the pics
perfectstain: [sent a picture]
perfectstain: [sent a picture]
perfectstain: [sent a picture]
perfectstain: [sent a picture]
perfectstain: [sent a picture]
perfectstain: dont we all look amazing (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧
Bakagami: LMAO midorima looks lie ehs abt to fuckign murder u guys
Kuroko: Because he was
TsunTsunChan: BECAUSE I WAS
TsunTsunChan: IT WAS UTTERLY HUMILIATING
Kuroko: Murasakibara-kun and Akashi-kun had to force him into the outfit.
TsunTsunChan: I WONDER WHY
Bakagami: why is kuroko the only oen with a regular costume
perfectstain: aominecchi was alreayd a blueberry and we couldnt think fo toehr blue fruits that would fit him
Bakagami: glossed over even inur own friendgroup huh bro
Kuroko: Quiet.
Bakagami: its os wieird seeingu guys act all,,,,normal
Bakagami: well as nrmal as u can get with u freaks
Ahomine: oh liek ur any better
Bakagami: im nt tej one who had a studpi catchpgradse any tiem he made a dunk
Ahomine: I DIDNT DO TI EVERY TIME
Kuroko: Well...
purple giant: it was prety much evrry tiem dude
Ahomine: LIKE HALF OF US HAVE CATCHEPHRAEDS DONT SIGNLE EM OUT
Bakagami: urs wa hte dumbest
Bakagami: at least muras made sense for the game evryoen tels their ops theyr egonna crush em
purple giant: see
TsunTsunChan: Great he's going to let that get to his head now.
TsunTsunChan: As if it needs to be any bigger.
purple giant: my ehad is normal isezed tyvm
purple giant: u all re ust tiny
Ahomine: can u stop with teh double entendres
Bakagami: mdiroiams just weird so eveyhin he says is just nromal by cmparison for him
TsunTsunChan: Excuse you????
Bakagami: idk f ksie even has one tbh i only like half lsitne to him
perfectstain: so mean (╯︵╰,)
Bakagami: and kurokos is just corny
Kuroko: Excuse you??
Kuroko: How is MINE the corniest?
Kuroko: It's the one that makes the most sense.
Bakagami: yea bt the way u sai t is corny
Kuroko: Unbelievable
Kuroko: What did I ever see in you
Bakagami: the light
Kuroko: 🖕
Ahomine: wha tbat akashis huh
Bakagami: he can back his uop
Bakagami: im not getitng int eh midle o fhtat
purple giant: fair pitn
perfectstain: omg i foudn meore pics of uss from halloween
perfectstain: [sent a picture]
perfectstain: [sent a picture]
perfectstain: [sent a picture]
perfectstain: we shodl all do this sagian it was so fun (o^▽^o)
perfectstain: we cna include kagamicchi this tiem too
Bakagami: how about no
TsunTsunChan: Fun for YOU perhaps.
TsunTsunChan: It was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life.
purple giant: rlly what abt that coupes contest we all did
TsunTsunChan: MURASAKIBARA
Bakagami: yall paticiaptied in a coupes contest????
Kuroko: Yes
Bakagami: why???
Kuroko: It was to help promote the contest so we all ended up dressing up as various couples to encourage more sign-ups.
Bakagami: did it work
Kuroko: Nope.
purple giant: not at all
perfectstain: only one coupel one and it was the only pair that signed up LMOA
Bakagami: u all seem pretty nonchalant abt it
Ahomine: BCUZ HEY IDNT HAVE TOW WEAR A DSTUPID DRESS TNE EHTIEN TIME
perfectstain: oh come on it wasnt that bad aominecchi
Kuroko: I thought you looked rather fetching in dark blue, Aomine-kun.
Ahomine: SHUT THE FCK UPPPPPPPPP
Bakagami: pics or it didnt happen
perfectstain: i gotchu
perfectstain: [sent a picture]
perfectstain: [sent a picture]
perfectstain: [sent a picture]
Bakagami: ugm
Bakagami: wow
Bakagami: why tf did they gie u a heartline dress aomine LMFAO
Ahomine: BLAME SATSUKI
Ahomine: SHE COORDINATD EVETHING
Kuroko: Blaming a woman for all your troubles
TsunTsunChan: Typical.
Ahomine: TAHTS NOT WHA TI MEANT AND U KNOW TI
perfectstain: i ddint think uw ere such a misogynist aominecchi (っ˘̩╭╮˘̩)っ
Ahomine: NO IM NKT
Ahomine: STOP MKAING SHIT UP
Ahomine: I LVOE WOMEN
TsunTsunChan: Perhaps too much...
Bakagami: no offense but why do u look pregnant midorima
Bakagami: the front of ur kimono is like,,,huge
TsunTsunChan: BECAUSE SOMEONE WOULDN'T STOP STASHING SNACKS IN THE FRONT OF IT
purple giant: i told u my ahdns wrre full
TsunTsunChan: THEN STOP BUYING MORE SNACKS
perfectstain: thats like asking a dog not to bark
Bakagami: kuroko how did YOU of all people get roped into beign the big bad wolf
Kuroko: I hid when they were assigning roles so they had to make Akashi-kun Red Riding Hood instead since he was the only other one who could fit in the outfit.
Bakagami: classy
Bakagami: he doesnt look that btohered by it tho
Ahomine: its akshi nothing fazes him
Bakagami: yea tru
Bakagami: did u guys have 2 walk around lekt hat all day
Kuroko: For the most part.
Kuroko: Nijimura-senpai almost convinced us to practice in our costumes.
Bakagami: LMAO
Bakagami: i wish he did
Kuroko: Oh I'm sure.
Bakagami: ???
Ahomine: yo are u still hoopign
Bakagami: yea y
Ahomine: gonna come oer n ebatur ass
Bakagami: in ur dreams
Bakagami: but hrry up im geting hungry
Kuroko: When are you not hungry honestly
Bakagami: and when do u not crave vanilla milkshaeks
Kuroko: At least that's healthier than 20 cheeseburgers in one sitting
Bakagami: I NEED MEAT TO FUCNTION BRO
purple giant: ayo
TsunTsunChan: How you haven't had a heart attack yet is beyond comprehension.
7:32pm
Ahomine: [sent a picture]
Ahomine: lokit thsi fuckin loser dawg lmao
Bakagami: STFU
purple giant: get off the fucking ground dude ur embarassing us
Bakagami: ur not my mom
Ahomine: dude get ur ass up i want maji
Bakagami: ughhhhhhhhhghh
Ahomine: HWY R U COMPAING U LITERALYL SAID U WERE HUNGRY
Bakagami: DONR TUSH ME
Ahomine: goddd im sos cik of hanging around ur borign ass
Ahomine: tetsu can i come over to ur palce instead
Kuroko: No
Ahomine: why???
Kuroko: There's this thing and it's called personal space
Ahomine: all f ua re so fake
Bakagami: oh my god stop compaling im coming
Bakagami: how did kurokod eal with u
Kuroko: I didn't
TsunTsunChan: We just let him tire himself out like a toddler.
Bakagami: yea that tracks
Ahomine: I CAN FUCKFIG READ HELLO
TsunTsunChan: Shockingly.
AbsoluteBitch: Seeing some of his test results it certainly would be a surprise.
Ahomine: great i have akashi doing drivebys on me now
AbsoluteBitch: No different than how it usually is.
Ahomine: stfuj
TsunTsunChan: Did you make it to Osaka okay?
AbsoluteBitch: Yes, we've checked in at our hotel for the weekend so I'm about to begin the paperwork assigned to me for the night.
Bakagami: jeez dude wha thighschooer does corpo work on their weekedns??
AbsoluteBitch: Me, unfortunately.
AbsoluteBitch: I hope you all have a good rest of your night :)
perfectstain: night akashicchiiiiiiii
perfectstain: pick me up the new blsuh line from ebisu plsssss
AbsoluteBitch: I'll see if I have the time.
AbsoluteBitch: Goodnight :)
Bakagami: niteee
Bakagami: also why tf do u need blush kise
perfectstain: oh so we ve got anotehr misogynist in this griup huh
perfectstain: men cant wear makeup now???
Bakagami: THATS NOT WHAT I SAID
perfectstain: its what u were implying
perfectstain: isee how it is (╯︵╰,)
Bakagami: I EMANT WHY D O U NEED MORE ASSHOLE
Bakagami: UR LTIERALLYA MDOEL U PROBABLY HAVE LIKE 10D FIERENT BLUSH PALETTE S ALREADDY
perfectstain: 25 actually
purple giant: wha tht eufkc
perfectstain: but thats besides the point THE POINT IS this new line is suppoesdly rlly good and stays on evenw hen ur sweating a lot and i wanna try it out
Ahomine: u said that abotu teh last like 5 lines
perfectstain: okay but i mean it this time
Ahomine: u also said that last time too
perfectstain: (っ˘̩╭╮˘̩)っ
perfectstain: go eat ur nasty asss bruger already
Ahomine: maji burge ris not nasty
Ahomine: jsut bcuz u have a 'refiend palette' doesnt mean u can diss on our spot
Kuroko: In Teiko he used to eat spaghetti sandwiches
Kuroko: There is nothing refined about his palette.
Bakagami: spaghetti sandwiches are bomb dude what r u on abt
purple giant: im not americna enough for that
Bakagami: oh u cannot eb talking
Bakagami: tatsuyas always tellignem abt the weird shit u eat who tf eats seaweed flavored kitkats
purple giant: i do wtf theyre GOOD
Bakagami: and ur telling em u draw the line at spaghetti betwen two peices of bread???
purple giant: spaghetti does not belong in a SANDWICH
Bakagami: ITS JUSTBREAD
Bakagami: UR TLLING ME WHEN U GO TO OLIVE GARDEN U DONT GET BREADSTICKS EITHER????
purple giant: THATS ANSENTIRELY DIFFERNT FORM OF BREAD FUCKNUT
Bakagami: ITS STILL BREAD
Ahomine: the tberte quesiton is who tf goes to olive gaden for spaghetti
Ahomine: im nto paying like $15 for a palte of pasta
Bakagami: ok yea but if u get their pasta pass its kinda worth it
Ahomine: who is gunning for that deadass
Ahomine: we go to olive harden like. twice a year max bro it aint worth it
Ahomine: jsut go to a fuckidng unlimtied buffet
Bakagami: theyre not the same bro they have a tiem limit
purple giant: u ahev to find a viking style one dude
Bakagami: oh
TsunTsunChan: I'm becoming more and more convinced that you all are five-year-olds masquerading as teenagers.
Kuroko: You and me both.