Chapter Text
After practice, Javier waited for Yuzuru so they could talk. When Javier asked Yuzuru if he could do something or if he had to go straight home, Yuzuru turned those damn puppy eyes on him and said, “Ice cream?”, which was how Javier found himself buying Yuzuru ice cream.
“How do you eat so much?” Javier asked, looking at the giant sundae Yuzuru was finishing. “You are smaller than that ice cream,” he accused and Yuzuru just rolled his eyes.
“That why my arms and legs are so long. To fit more ice cream,” he said with a straight face, which made Javier crack up.
Javier found it harder to imagine how he hadn’t realized he loved this man, but a small part of him found it hard to imagine how more people weren’t in love with him. When they left, they took the longer way to get to the bus stop they needed, deciding to cut through the park and walk together for longer. Yuzuru seemed to know Javier wanted to talk but wasn’t sure how. “Javi,” he said, curling his hand around Javier’s elbow, leaning into his side as they walked down the path. “You are distracted today.”
Javier sighed and ducked his head. “I wanted to tell you something but I’m not sure how to make it not weird.”
Yuzuru stopped walking and looked around, seeing nobody, and slid his hand into Javier’s to squeeze it. “What is it?”
Javier looked at his concerned expression and squeezed his fingers back. “I had to talk to Brian and we decided to change up our skating schedules so you and I are not on the ice at the same time.”
Yuzuru tilted his head. “Why did you do that? Is something wrong?” he asked, looking guilty suddenly. “Is it because I tease you so much? You know I don’t mean anything-“
“No, no, Yuzu,” he interrupted, lifting their linked hands to curl his other around Yuzuru’s, holding his hand close to his middle. “No,” he said firmly. “You did nothing wrong,” he reassured.” He blushed. “But I am distracted by you. I slipped this morning because I was tired, yes, but mostly because I was looking at you across the ice.”
Yuzuru was clearly still confused. “I do not understand. You don’t always get distracted,” he said, and Javier gave him a pointed look.
“You and I don’t always talk about the things we did last night, either,” he reminded him, and suddenly Yuzuru went from confused to blushing.
“Oh!” He ducked his head, hiding behind his hair a little. “Oh so you mean looking like… looking.” Javier cleared his throat but nodded embarrassedly. “But you said you don’t think about me that way.”
Javier sighed. “I said I had never thought about you that way, but there is a reason I couldn’t sleep last night,” he said and Yuzuru bit his bottom lip bashfully. “If this makes you uncomfortable, I’m sorry. But you’re the one who said what you did and made me think about it,” he reminded him.
Yuzuru shook his head. “I am not uncomfortable,” he said, looking into Javier’s eyes again. “It’s kind of funny,” he said, and Javier saw mischief in his eyes.
“Funny?” Javier asked flatly and Yuzuru nodded.
“You think about me in that way for one day and have to reschedule training. I am gay, I have always been on the ice with hot boys, and I never have trouble,” he teased and Javier laughed in surprise.
“Oh really?” He grabbed his waist and tickled him in retaliation. “Are you saying you never get distracted by sexy guys?” he teased.
Yuzuru giggled and caught his wrists, stopping him. “Yes. If I was not able to focus around hot guys, I could have never come here to train. You are very handsome and I was seventeen and gay. I would have never lasted if I could not ignore attractive men.” He sighed and patted Javier’s cheek once he freed his wrist. “Poor Javi. His life is difficult.”
Javier caught his hand as he patted his face and held it close to his chest. “To be fair, I do not look like you,” he said, and Yuzuru’s eyes widened and then he blushed, ducking his eyes.
“Javi,” he said softly. Javier smiled fondly at the blush on Yuzuru’s cheeks, because it was too endearing. Yuzuru lifted his eyes and looked closely at Javier. He stepped closer and Javier realized what he was doing an instant before Yuzuru’s lips touched his. Javier inhaled sharply through his nose in surprise, but managed to tilt his head and give Yuzuru a better angle. His hands went lax where they held Yuzuru’s and Yuzuru pulled his hands free to rest on Javier’s chest for balance. When the kiss broke Yuzuru’s eyes were already open and he was watching Javier carefully when Javier opened his eyes. Neither spoke for a moment, and Yuzuru’s eyes grew a little wider. “Should I have didn’t do that?” he asked nervously.
Javier smiled and shook his head. “No, it’s okay that you did that.” He raised his hand and touched Yuzuru’s cheek, leaning in. “I like that you did that,” he said as he pressed a small kiss to Yuzuru’s forehead before pulling him into a hug.
Yuzuru relaxed in his arms and hugged him back. “Okay. Good.”
~
“I have thought,” Yuzuru said as Javier stood with him, waiting for the bus. “Really, this was a date,” he said, and Javier raised an amused eyebrow.
“Oh yeah? Why do you say that?” he asked, rubbing his thumb across Yuzuru’s knuckles where they held hands.
Yuzuru smiled bright, clearly pleased with himself for his thought. “Because, you take me to get ice cream, then we go on walk together, and then I kiss you.” He nodded. “Just like in movies. We had a date.”
Javier smirked, stepping in front of Yuzuru. “So does that mean technically I took you on your first date?” he asked and Yuzuru rolled his eyes but his blush told the truth. “I think I did,” he said, sliding his free hand to rest on Yuzuru’s hip.
“Maybe,” Yuzuru admitted finally and Javier grinned.
Javier leaned close. “Do I get a goodbye kiss, then?” he asked, but Yuzuru turned his head, giving him a warning look.
“Javi, no. We’re in public,” he said sternly.
Javier stepped back immediately and nodded. “You’re right, I’m sorry.”
“It is just rude,” Yuzuru said, squeezing the hand he was still holding. “It is bad enough habit I have that I let you always hold my waist and stuff.”
Javier gave him a warm look, unable to help it. “If you don’t want me touching you like that in front of people, you can always tell me to stop.”
“But I like it,” Yuzuru said stubbornly. They held hands still, even after they stopped talking, until Yuzuru’s bus came. When Yuzuru turned to him, he gave him a nervous look. “Javi, I like your accident date,” he said, and Javier melted some at how shy he seemed.
“I liked your kiss,” he admitted quietly and Yuzuru smiled brighter.
“Maybe I do it again some time,” he said, and then his smile fell a little. “We must talk about this, Javi.”
Javier nodded. “I know.” He hugged him once more. “I know, Querido,” he said, sneaking a kiss to his hair as he let him go. “Tomorrow can you come over? We can talk about it in private that way,” he said, and Yuzuru nodded.
“I’ll see if I have time,” he said, waving goodbye before he left to go get on the bus and head home.
~
Yuzuru moaned as he kissed Javier deeply, pushing him against the back of the couch, his fingers tangling in Javier’s curls. Javier was still not quite sure how he got in this situation, sitting on his couch with Yuzuru on his lap, kissing the daylights out of him, but it was not a bad place to be.
They broke to breathe and Yuzuru started pressing kisses down his cheek. “Yuzu,” he breathed, gasping at the feeling of Yuzuru’s lips on his ear. “Yuzu, what happened to talking about this?” he asked, trying to regain some semblance of doing the right thing.
“Can talk later,” Yuzuru said, leaving wet kisses along the side of his throat. “I think all day about kissing you. Little kiss was nice. Really want big kisses all day,” he said, and then Javier couldn’t even agree or disagree before Yuzuru bit down on a spot that made Javier see stars, leaving him absolutely no ability to speak English right now.
Javier let himself give in to the pleasure for a while, but when Yuzuru started to grind against him, Javier’s brain decided to work again and he knew he had to stop this. “Wait, wait, Querido, wait,” he said, catching his hips. He gently pushed Yuzuru’s hips back so that their increasingly excited ‘man parts’, as Yuzuru would say, weren’t so close to each other.
“Javi?” Yuzuru panted, frowning in confusion. He sat back further onto Javier’s lap and it took all of Javier’s willpower not to say ‘screw it’ and let Yuzuru do what he wanted, because with his hair messed up, his cheeks pink, and his lips swollen and red, Yuzuru looked so sexy. “What’s wrong?” he asked, looking worried.
Javier swallowed hard, his throat sticking a bit before he could talk. “Yuzuru, we really have to talk,” he said, and Yuzuru pouted some. “Oh, I know,” he said, reaching up to cup Yuzuru’s face in his hand. “Trust me,” he said seriously. “I really, really like kissing you.”
“Then why stop?” Yuzuru asked with a grumpy little sound, and Javier laughed softly.
“Querido, we have danced around talking about any feelings that might be more than friends for a long time, and then yesterday we had a single kiss, and didn’t talk about anything of importance.” He shook his head. “It’s not a good idea for you to just show up and start trying to get in my pants and me just let you without even talking about anything.”
Yuzuru flushed as he looked at their position and realized what he had done. “Eh,” he said, awkwardly. “I think you are right,” he said, and then slid off of Javier’s lap to sit on the couch beside him, pulling his knees up to his chest. Javier had a good idea why he wanted to do that as he, too, moved and grabbed the pillow off the couch to hold in his lap, fidgeting with the stitching. “Sorry, Javi,” he said and Javier shook his head.
“It’s fine, Querido.” He cleared his throat. “So… I’m guessing you don’t have second thoughts about kissing yesterday,” he started with and Yuzuru laughed in surprise, shaking his head bashfully.
“I like that I kiss you.” He picked at the knee of his pants. “I thank that you like I kiss you?”
Javier nodded. “You think correctly,” he agreed with a warm smile. “The way that I feel for you, Yuzu, is something very real.”
Yuzuru smiled at him. “My mother will never stop laughing at knowing we want to be boyfriends before we know ourselves,” he said softly, and Javier’s heart fluttered at the thought of that word.
“I have been a boyfriend before, but I have never had one,” Javier said, and Yuzuru bit his lip worriedly.
“Are you sure you want that I be yours?” he asked and Javier nodded very seriously.
“I am very positive that I want you to be my boyfriend, Yuzuru.” He shook his head. “I have known for quite a while how much you mean to me. I was afraid of hurting our friendship by doing anything about it, and I was unsure how I felt about dating a man.”
Yuzuru frowned. “You decide you like, right? Cause I feel like you like boys,” he said, and Javier snickered at his straightforwardness.
“Yuzuru, I think you just saw quite well how much I like at least you,” he said and Yuzuru gave a smug little smile as he looked at Javier’s hair, giving him an impression that his hair was probably wild from Yuzuru’s fingers in it.
Yuzuru slid a little closer, turning so that their shoulders were together. “If we do this, we must tell Brian,” Yuzuru said, and Javier nodded. “And I must tell my mother that she was right and we do want to be boyfriends.” Javier knew she would be so smug. Yuzuru hesitated. “You are always very showy when you have girlfriend,” he said softly. “I cannot do that. I would like to, but I cannot,” he said, looking at Javier. “Like you say, I am Yuzuru Hanyu. Skating is my life. I cannot put love for you ahead of what I must do and must be for my country.”
Javier smiled sadly, because he knew. He knew exactly what would happen, likely for both of them, should people find out they were together. “I know.” He slid his hand into Yuzuru’s. “I understand.” He sighed. “I do not like it, but I understand.”
“But is it worth it for you?” Yuzuru asked, and Javier could see the fear in his eyes. He feared rejection and heartbreak, and Javier hated that more than anything.
“I am in love with you, Yuzuru Hanyu,” Javier said seriously, holding is gaze. “I am willing to make many sacrifices to be your boyfriend,” he said, and Yuzuru’s eyes widened.
“You love me?” He looked surprised, as if he hadn’t said the same thing moments ago. Javier wondered now if he realized he told Javier he loved him.
Javier nodded, squeezing his hand. “I have loved you for longer than I ever realized, Yuzu. And I hope to keep loving you as long as you will let me.”
Yuzuru’s smile grew so large that it took Javier’s breath away with its beauty. “I love you, Javier Fernandez,” he said in reply, and Javier would never grow tired of how cute his name sounded in Yuzuru’s voice. Yuzuru leaned in and kissed him again and Javier sank into the kiss gratefully.
This time, when they ended up horizontal on the couch, Yuzuru laying on his chest, they were less fevered and more sentimental as Javier stroked his hands up the long planes of Yuzuru’s back and Yuzuru played with Javier’s curls in between slow, sweet kisses. Giggles interrupted every other kiss as Javier said funny things to intentionally make Yuzuru laugh his adorably weird laugh. “I love that laugh,” Javier said, and Yuzuru beamed.
“That you make me laugh is one of many reasons I love you at all,” he informed him, playing with his favorite curl. “You so silly, and it makes me happy always. I have always liked this,” he said warmly. Yuzuru leaned down to kiss him slowly. “I like small kisses,” he admitted. “Big kisses fun, but with small kiss, I can think,” he said, and Javier knew exactly what he was trying to say.
“It isn’t that I don’t want that,” Javier said, meaning their brush with sex earlier. “I just think it’s best if we don’t rush things.” He stroked Yuzuru’s hair back behind his ear. “We have spent years being in love without knowing it. I think we can move a little faster than that, but we should still not rush.”
Yuzuru nodded. “I agree.” He made a face. “What body wants and what brain needs are not same always, but I have only even kissed two boys before. It best that we do not have sex tonight,” he said, though he still looked a little saddened by that thought.
Javier smiled and stroked his cheek. “I agree.” Yuzuru leaned in to give him a small kiss and Javier hugged him after that, pressing his lips to Yuzuru’s ear as Yuzuru lay on his chest and relaxed. Javier nuzzled Yuzuru’s hair with his nose before speaking. “I have never been with a man, and I want to find out how to make love to you the way you deserve when we finally get there,” he murmured, and Yuzuru actually shivered in his arms, which was very pleasant.
“I- I think that really good idea,” Yuzuru squeaked, and Javier couldn’t help but laugh as he hugged Yuzuru again.
“One day, Querido,” Javier said and Yuzuru hummed his assent, reaching out to play with his favorite curl.
“One day,” he agreed, smiling as he pecked Javier’s lips once again. He pulled back suddenly and frowned. “Oh no. I have thought,” he said, and Javier raised an eyebrow. Yuzuru looked down at him with an annoyed pout. “This mean Shoma did it, Shoma made us stop being stupid and get together,” he said, and Javier was startled into loud laughter, because he had forgotten all about that.
“He did, huh?” Javier mused.
“It not funny!” Yuzuru whined, but Javier just held him close and tried to think of a discreet way of sending Shoma a thank you gift for giving him what he had right now: Yuzuru, his boyfriend, lying in his arms.