Chapter Text
“Hey, Hikaru.”
”Hm?”
”We successfully pissed off Haruhi.”
”…Yeah. I guess you’re right about that.”
The twins stared at each other in the back of their limousine. Kaoru fed Hikaru another pocky and watched him chew before speaking up again.
”For whatever reason, it didn’t feel as rewarding as we thought it would.”
During third block the next morning, Haruhi was not at school. Which was odd; the commoner was always early. Something about time being of virtue, or whatever.
The two identical twins in the back of the room sat idly. They didn’t know what to do; who to contact, how to react. They didn’t see the rest of the host club for a while, so until then, Haruhi’s lacking attendance would be knowledge only known to them.
On one hand, the twins were indifferent to the girl. On the other, everything had shifted due to her presence. It was puzzling; this was how it had been all the time. Hikaru and Kaoru; the hottie brothers that only ever kept to themselves. For whatever reason, that had changed when they got to high school…
Oh please, for ‘whatever reason?’ Who are they kidding? Obviously Haruhi had managed to penetrate into their bubble and expose them to the outside world.
They communicated these thoughts through silent eye contact and kept each other company for the rest of the morning.
Suddenly, at 10:32 a.m., the door creaked open. In walked their infamous scholar, and she was…
Super unkempt. It's like she just got off a rollercoaster...
They couldn’t hide their shock at the pitiful sight. With open jaws and wide eyes, the entire class stared at Haruhi while she walked to her seat. Even the teacher seemed briefly out of it before he resumed teaching.
Messy hair frizzed off her head, which was hung low. Half-lidded eyes carried heavy, bruised bags, and her lips were pinched together like she was in pain. Her purple uniform seemed messily done; tie out of place and not fully tied.
When she felt the twins eyes on her, she glared at them. Piss off, they seemed to say, and she winced before screwing her eyes shut and breathing aggressively through her nose.
Taking the hint, they looked away, only to find their female classmates…. Enthralled?
There's no way. Kaoru brought his hand to his mouth. You're telling me, even though she looks disheveled like she just rolled out of bed...
THEY STILL THINK HARUHI LOOKS HOT?!
Indeed, upon second glance, the ladies of their grade were silently blushing. A couple closed their eyes, willing the affection to go away, and some whispered to each other about Fujioka's new look. Girls can be attracted to the weirdest things...
Exasperated, Hikaru leaned over and muttered about 'not being surprised.' Kaoru could only nod; their mother worked in fashion; they were taught that beauty can shine through odd appearances more often than not.
But this seems more like infatuation. They shared a look. Yuck. Can't they tell she's having a bad day? It's clear she knows they're staring too. A wave of pity washed through them.
Even some of the boys seemed puzzled by her appearance. 'Fujioka is always neat and tidy; he never acts like this,' they seemed to think.
Idiots! Can't they see she's aware of their attention?
A couple minutes of this continued, Haruhi becoming noticeably more and more uncomfortable. By 10:37, the twins had had enough.
"So, it's clear that the square root would be-"
"TEACH! This is so boring!" Hikaru interrupted, throwing his feet onto his desk and leaning back.
"...Excuse me?"
"I agree! See how no one is paying attention?" Kaoru added with a tilted head. It wasn't an exact lie, seeing as their classmates were distracted by something else.
"You keep yapping about letters and numbers! Last I checked, they weren't supposed to belong together!" The teacher, and the class, stared at them, dumbfounded. Hikaru winked at Haruhi, who's questioning gaze turned to realization as he continued. "Can't we learn about more interesting stuff? Like... I dunno, the rate of change in the circumference of the sun?" Before the teacher could respond, Kaoru added, "Yeah, that'll actually help us. They say the sun is gonna explode soon!"
"You idiots!" Erupted Renge, from her seat. She swiveled around to direct the rage of her voice at them. "Even I know that's not true!"
"Actually," Soga, the president, quips, "they're right; it's just not supposed to happen for another twenty billion years." Momoka, his crush, giggled at his logic and he blushed.
"Now, now, class settle down-"
"See, Renge? Sometimes it pays to keep your mouth shut. Go back to your silly costumes or whatever."
"W-WHAT?! They're not costumes, Hikaru-"
"I'm Kaoru."
"-They're cosplay! Or are you so uneducated that you can't comprehend that?"
"All I'm hearing," snickers Hikaru, "is a bunch of otaku nonsense."
"Hey! I'm not-"
"Otaku's like you are so weird. You shame other people for asking the smart questions, when it's clear the only things running through your mind are fictional characters."
"That's not-!"
"Yeah, they take up wayyy too much space in your head man. Seriously, you're calling us stupid, but we're smarter then you." The twins both looked at her then. "Hey, you spend so much energy on insulting other people. Is it some sort of projection?"
Renge kept turning more and more red. "What has that got to do with-"
Suddenly, they both gasped. "No, that's not it. You're just thinking about those 18+ BL novels we caught you reading the other day, huh? Don't try to deny it, you're a total gooner!"
That seemed to push her over the edge, because she got up ready to fight. Before she could though, another classmate grabbed her arms. One by one, they collectively dogpiled on her.
"R-Renge! He was only joking!" said one, pulling on her arm.
"I'll KILL YOU!" She raged, unrelenting. The more she struggled, the class erupted into even more chaos. Voices shouted over each other, chairs clattered and pens dropped. The twins smirked at her struggle. Distraction: success.
"CLASS!" The teacher yelled, but no one was paying attention. It was almost comical, the determination Renge displayed, struggling in her classmates' grasps. She only seemed to get more and more angry the longer they held her back, much to the dismay of the teacher, who had to jump in himself. "Renge! Cease this behaviour immediately!"
"Not until I RIP OUT THEIR THROATS!"
Amidst all the noise and action, Haruhi reached into her bag. The twins watched out of the corners of their eyes as she took out a tiny blue bottle. She seemed to look around for a second, like she was about to do something illegal, before slipping a white pill into her mouth.
Turning pale, the twins hissed, "Haruhi-?"
"AND YOU TWO! YOU'VE EARNED YOURSELVES A COMFY SEAT IN THE PRINCIPALS OFFICE!" Screamed the teacher, pointing at them.
In the end, they only ended up getting a day long suspension. Mr. Suoh is nicer than we thought.
One of their many servants came to pick them up, and after a hefty earful from their teacher, they arrived at their house. Deprived of any entertainment (a punishment from their father) they sat in their spacious room.
A frog sang songs outside. They sat back to back on their bed.
"so..." Kaoru said, breaking the silence.
"Sooo... what?"
"Haruhi is doing drugs."
Hikaru cringed.
"Keep trying to deny it; you saw what I saw."
"I'm not trying to deny it. I'm just in shock. She takes her scholarship at Ouran so seriously, why'd she risk it all for something like this?"
"Yeah, it's almost like-" Kaoru paused. "Wait... I've seen that pill bottle before." Getting up, he walked into their bathroom. Hikaru followed along. He dug through their medicine cabinet, before pulling out a tiny bottle identical to the one Haruhi had.
"Advil? The cold treatment?" Inquired his brother. "Why'd she take that?"
"I dunno. Maybe she had a stomach bug. She clutched her stomach more than a few times like she had mad indigestion."
"Checks out. She looked horrible." He tsked. "Poor commoners and their low-quality food. She probably ate some cheap sushi and caught it or something."
"Why'd she have to be so secretive about taking it then? Do you think the nurse wouldn't have let her have it?"
"No... It'd only be off limits if it were unnecessary," Hikaru picked at his fingernails. It wasn't all making sense.
"Wait, I've got it," exclaimed his brother excitedly, "Why don't we buy more medicine for her? It could be a peace offering!"
Hikaru replied with a blank stare. "Where are we gonna get that? The servants usually buy it for us."
Kaoru laughed, almost menacingly. "When in Rome, do as the Romans do."
"...You're not making sense."
Navigating drug stores without Haruhi's help was more difficult than it seemed.
The pair stood at the base of a chain brand drugstore, the logo shining brightly down at them. For the first time in a while, they felt like little insignificant ants among everyday people. Intimidated by the thought, they crept into the store, flinching at the bright lights and crowds of commoners.
A smell of plastic and artificial flavoring wafted through the air, making them cringe. Colorful signs shouting deals and offers crowded their vision; an overwhelming situation all around.
"Ugh, it's ten times less entertaining when you're actually looking for something and not just looking around," murmured Kaoru, clutching tightly to his brother. They had asked permission from their mother, who had shockingly allowed them to go. However, they were to be monitored by a body guard who was standing outside the store, practically trapping them inside.
They looked around helplessly. Where's Haruhi when you need her... They shook themselves out of it.
"MOMMM, I WANT ICE CREAM!" A shrill scream reverberated.
"Not right now hon, we need to pick up your father's medicine," replied a tired looking woman. She stood in front of a portion of the store that was like a storefront, labelled 'pharmacy.' Determined, Hikaru approached it as well.
"Excuse me," he tapped on the window, "would you happen to know where the stomach medicine is?"
A bit shocked, the man wearing a white coat gave them directions to the far left of the store. Five minutes later, they were surrounded by a pile of pill bottles and similar labels.
”WHYYY is this so HARRRDDDD?” They complained. For a while, they sat there sulking. It wasn’t until an employee approached them that they sat up. “They all look the sameee…”
”Excuse me, are you two searching for something specific?”
”Yes, but this stupid store has so many brands for the same thing! And none of them say what they do!”
After staring at them for a bit, the employee said, ”Describe what you need and I’ll try to help you find it.”
They looked at each other, before giving a brief summary of Haruhi’s symptoms.
”Our friend seems tired, like she lost sleep, and we saw her clutching her stomach, so we just assumed she had a stomach bug that hurt a lot.”
”A stomach bug, huh? And you’re sure it wasn’t just her period?”
The boys raised their eyebrows. They had been taught by their aunt once, a while ago, what a period was. Although, it was more like she was complaining more than explaining. They both cringed at the memory of her gossip; seemingly unending gripes that went on and on.
“A period, huh? Isn’t that the illness where you bleed and get cramps?”
The employee broke out into laughter. Feeling humiliated, the twins got up and began to walk away, before they were stopped.
”N-no, just wait,” they were told, as the employee wheezed. Clearing their throat and wiping their eyes, they continued. “No, ha, a period isn’t an illness. Sure feels like it, but no. It’s basically a female’s body making up for a lack of pregnancy once she hits puberty. It happens every month, for a week.”
Horrified, the twins gaped. “EVERY MONTH? FOR A WEEK?”
“Yes, and hormones play a big part in it too. Has your friend had any sudden emotional swings in the past few days?”
”You could say that…”
”Well, you’re in luck,” said the employee, leading them to a different aisle. “There are plenty of things we carry here for periods. From heating pads, which help with the stabbing sensation of cramps,” the twins cringed, “to snackbars made specifically for the iron deficiency women face in blood loss. Take a look.”
Before them was a tall shelf stocked with pink packages with the same designs printed all over them. They scanned the shelves, grabbing handfuls of random things, before pausing at an unfamiliar territory.
”Hey, why are there diapers here?”
The employee stifled yet another laugh, before clearing their throat. The twins glared at them.
”Those are pads. Your friend would probably appreciate those.”
”What are they for?” Inquired Kaoru, who grabbed one of the many packs.
”Well, when you bleed, you need to bleed somewhere, right? Pads and tampons can be used to-“
”Tampons?” And the employee just sighed.
”How about I just choose for you?”
That afternoon, Haruhi walked to the host club alone. Seriously, those guys need to get ahold of themselves. Suspended, and for what? Just to distract everyone from me? Tsk. I could’ve handled it.
She stopped when she heard rustling in the bushes in front of her. “Um… hello?”
Think of these devils, she deadpanned, watching two redheads tumble out of a bush. Like deer in headlights, they stared at Haruhi.
”What are you guys doing-“
”QUICK-“ they shrieked, throwing a basket at her. “TAKE THIS!”
”Umph!” She exclaimed, catching the basket. She was about to yell at them before they took off, likely scared of being spotted by campus faculty.
Frowning, she examined the basket. It was wrapped in a pink bow, and a note was attached. Raising a brow, she plucked it off and read it aloud.
”Dear Haruhi,
We are super duper sorry for making you mad that you have to bleed for a week every month. We are also sorry that they didn’t have any of the Switzerland chocolate we tell you about at the drugstore, and this was the closest thing to it.
just stop glaring at us, ok? It’s weird.
- Hikaru & Kaoru”
Puzzled, she opened the package. Inside, there were a glutinous amount of chocolate bars, as well as several tampons and pads. Not only that, they had put in two heating pads and snack bars, as well as many more meaningless period supplements.
At a loss for words, Haruhi thought, damn rich people.