Chapter Text
A full twelve hours passed before signs of life were detected. Even then, it had been Ryland who’d stirred, not Eva. A quick trip to the bathroom had warranted his movements, which ended with his Little getting all fussy, thus starting their day at three in the afternoon. The blond might’ve been more concerned at the late start if it weren’t for the jet lag of flying to the States, then to France, and finally to Germany. Every muscle felt as if it carried a heavy load of lead, every quick turn of his head warranting a carousel’s worth of spinning behind his eyes.
After finishing his business, it had concerned Grace that Eva had not shown any signs of needing to use the restroom. How dehydrated had she gotten? Surely, she could’ve gotten some water while at the prison… right? After last night’s tears and tantrum, she had to be thirsty. Even her little whines and groans of annoyance came out hoarse; cute sounds, but not as cute when it meant she was parched. So, the blond had ended up carrying the ginger downstairs to the kitchen, where the medical team had intercepted.
Dr. Luan had tried to talk to Grace about ‘important matters’, but it had gotten hard to talk when the Little one in his arms started crying again. A failed attempt at setting her down on a nearby counter made the tears come faster. Another try at letting her scoot and sit nearby on the floor made her even more distressed, clearly thinking Grace was abandoning her. A warbling voice called for her grandparents one moment; the next, she only wanted her Caregiver. She could hold a plastic cup of water on her own one minute; the next, she was panicking because she wanted him to do so - an indecisive little thing.
A grieving, ill, and sleep-deprived little girl, who just so happened to be indecisive this afternoon, Grace had re-corrected in his mind. Eva was not trying to be fussy, not trying to make a ruckus in seeking comfort. She had simply wanted him in her time of mourning; he was familiar, he was warm, and she knew he would love her.
Most of their first official evening had passed in a heavy-hearted haze. No red ribbons of celebration had been cut; no expected guests had come to help christen the new house with life. Any welcoming ceremony or tradition Ryland knew of back in the States would not be conducted here. It was an expected thing when the cries of a mourning woman filled every crevice in the home’s foundation, when a heartbroken Caregiver became acquainted with the floorboards of each room after pacing them with the wailing girl. Eva found sanctuary and familiarity in the softly tanned arms carrying her, so Ryland held close to the faint paleness of hers every time they’d completed a lap in their incomplete living room.
No matter how much he’d tried to get her to eat solid foods, she had refused, too upset to stomach the few things the house had on hand (since groceries had yet to be gotten, but a few saltines had been in the cupboard near the sink; another reason Ryland wanted to question about this property). In the end, Grace and the team had managed to get her to drink three cups of water, complete with a bit of applesauce they’d got delivered to the home. It had taken Grace eating some of the sugary paste to convince Eva to have any at all. Monkey see; monkey do. Eva sees; Eva trusts. Grace could appreciate the process of seeing things for yourself, being a scientist and all.
Around ten that first evening, Eva finally fell back into fitful slumber after another ‘release of emotions’ (not a tantrum), with Grace following right behind. They’d slept for another eleven hours before their lives had finally begun.
—————————
“You’re so sleepy! Very… müde! Super müde, hm?”
The Little rolled away from looking at Ryland. She waved a stray hand towards his face, likely to knock his glasses off. Grumpiness was the culprit in this morning’s investigation. He moved away just in time, gently catching the offending wrist.
“Hey, no hitting, bitte.”
A whine of both guilt and annoyance. Hm.
“I’m tired too, but I’m using my words, yeah?”
“…Bett.” The teacher shyly looked to the nurse in the room with them. She mouthed ‘bed’.
“Yeah, bett. That’s where you get to stay, unless you want to get up?” Eva rolled back to Grace’s looming six feet, conflicted again at the English she could grasp. She squeezed one of Tiger’s arms as she kicked under the covers. A longing section of the Caregiver wished they could do this fluently in German; curse his limited knowledge. Well, what was that thing he’d heard before? Better to give young ones two options, right?
“Shhhh,” he hushed while smoothing the ridges and waves created in the duvet. “You can sleep- that’s okay! You can stay nice and cozy in bett, or you can explore the messy house with me. I won’t judge your decision- trust me.”
“Bett. Ich bin müde.” A full sentence? A fluctuating headspace, for sure. He went on a limb for the words he did not know.
“Okay, sounds good. I’ll be just downstairs if you need me, okay?” Grace quietly cooed as he tucked her back into bed, locating the friendly fox attached to her soother. The clock read a quarter after nine in the morning, a much healthier waking time. Little ones needed their sleep, however; especially a certain girl who needed the respite. “You can keep resting. You can stay here with… uh-”
“Ali,” came the softer voice of the nurse who’d offered to watch over the Little. Ryland was needed downstairs to converse with Doctor Luan. For a minute, as Eva seemed to perk up, Grace was curious if Eva was going to stay close after all. Shut-eye won again, however, as the comforts of the blankets and pacifier overcame the other option. “Ali is good, Miss Eva.” He really, really appreciated that Ali (whom he’d met last night, formally) always made sure to speak to Eva, not just him.
Eva trusted the younger woman, as was apparent when the ginger began to struggle with keeping her eyes open. She cuddled Tiger as Grace covered her shoulders with her baby blanket. A sleepy wiggle of excitement came as she recognized the miniature fox plush attached to her pacifier. The design was for comfort, huh? Well, it seemed to be working.
“Nurse Ali will be right here, okay?” He smiled at her, a bright thing that convinced Eva to close her eyes, trusting that he would come back. “Sweet dreams, honey.”
Ryland tiptoed to the door, wincing at the singular squeak off the hinges. Ali gave him a thumbs up as she quietly shut the bedroom door behind him. He was a little hesitant to leave Eva behind, yes, but he trusted this medical team. So far, they had all been extremely helpful and non-judgmental of him or Eva. It was a lovely thing to hear them say ‘Miss Eva’. No signs of ‘Director’ or even ‘Stratt’. A wondering thought passed on how this team was assembled to serve as their primary care team in the first place. Another thing to ask about, another numbered note on his mental laundry list.
Letting her sleep on her own was not a bad thing, too. They were a duo, no doubt about it, but codependency was not the goal here. He reminded himself of the numerous positives of letting himself be independent of Eva’s immediate grasp as socked feet moped down the stairs. Passing the multitudes of boxes was quite easy. Unpacking them was not very appealing, truth be told, as if that were surprising.
A thump across the landing step, footfalls that became lighter as Grace remembered he needed to be quiet. Someone was sleeping upstairs, a very important someone! How he’d never gotten in trouble with his previous arrangements back in San Francisco was nothing short of his own Hail Mary. Grace was embarrassed to know he’d always walked with a heavy prep in his step. But he was a man with tall stature, so… have some grace. ‘Give Grace his grace’. Ha.
A stroll down the short entry hall into the kitchen, and he was there. As expected, Doctor Luan and other personnel (besides Ali upstairs) awaited him at that same kitchen island.
“Guten Morgen, Doctor Grace. Sleep well, yes?”
“Morning. Yeah- wasn’t too bad! Eva fell asleep a lot quicker last night, which is never a complaint.”
“Good,” Dr. Luan finished. “There is a cup of coffee for you, there, near the sink.”
The head of the team waved a hand in the general direction of the refreshment as she sorted documents on the counter. The other nurses and – doctor? Yes! There were two doctors on this team, with a rotating shift of eight nurses in total – did similarly with their own papers, one of them typing on a computer. The two doctors were dressed in snowy lab coats over grey shirts, black pants completing the palette of neutrals. The nurses wore the usual dulled scrubs, some maroons and darker blues, others with black.
Grace thudded his way to the coffee, taking a long swig after relishing the warmth it gave through the protective sleeve. The tip of his tongue was burned, but the punch of the caffeine overpowered the pain. Warmth sat heavy in his stomach, which was admittedly talking to the world due to his present hunger.
He wondered vaguely, perhaps, when he came across his and Eva’s coffee machines, if they would need to be hidden. If Eva could not have coffee, it was worthy of equal restrictions on his end. Tempting her with his cups of coffee would be cruel. So, the microbiologist savored the bitterness of roasted delicacy, thanking long nights on the Vatt for a learned tolerance of all blends of coffee.
“So… busy night?” He tried before leaning on the side of the island opposite the team.
“Mostly tying loose ends, Doctor Grace,” replied a masculine voice he recalled belonging to an individual named Malachi. He was a nurse. “Also, here is the cellular device you have been permitted to use- got it from one of the officials this morning outside.”
“Oh yeah!”
Grace received the phone from the other man’s grasp, giving the device a look over. It was a model he was familiar with. Still- this particular phone must be laced with all kinds of surveillance software, as well as what he hoped could be advanced protection for his location and information. Plenty of folks out there had poor intentions for both him and Eva.
“Thank you.” Malachi smiled and nodded at him. He seemed very down-to-earth, his deeper accent hinting at German lineage. A very nice man from what he’d gathered thus far.
He slipped the phone into the pocket of his dorky sleeping shorts. Another sip of the roasted liquid in his cup went down smoothly. Hm- a little burnt. Stratt, so to speak, had made him into a bit of a coffee snob. But he would still drink the coffee, no matter how much Stratt may have wanted to dump hers out (which she never did; there were snide complaints, though, whenever the grounds had not been to her preference).
Ryland heard a sigh before the moment he knew was coming. “Alright. Now is the best time to talk, Doctor Grace,” Dr. Luan stated.
His stomach ached suddenly from being fed only coffee, burnt coffee at that. A balloon of nerves inflated deep in his gut, rising quickly up his throat, making him queasy with all that air. “S-sure!”
Grace leaned more of his weight into the countertop, suddenly aware of more eyes following his movements. The team was no doubt about to analyze his reactions. This conversation, or string of topics, clearly was going to be important. The leading doctor slid a packet of papers from her files.
“This is a packet of Miss Eva’s wishes.”
“Wait- for if she-”
“Yes and no.” Her eyes carefully narrowed, her hands folding. “There is a separate document of a will Miss Eva must have completed during your time working together.”
Makes sense… sort of. Stratt had made a will, even though she had been expecting to be killed in a prison somewhere? Hm. Maybe she had held a bit of hope deep down, after all. Perhaps Eva had demanded it, had reached out just far enough to wrap the bitterness in endless possibilities of a better outcome. These assumptions could go on forever. Grace knew it was more of a logical move, less of an emotional one for her. He was being too optimistic.
“This one- focus, Doctor,” Dr. Luan intercepted upon seeing him lost in his mind. Grace regained the ability to contribute. “These documents were completed during Miss Eva’s time in France’s legal system. They have been translated for your sake, thankfully.”
He began to thumb through the pages. Hmm.
“So- it’s a safety net for this ‘arrangement’?”
In physically performed quotation marks for the last word. This was very real to him, not just some legal favor. Maybe Eva was less at risk for possible codependency… maybe it was more him. It was starting to feel that way.
“Yes, exactly. But there are written and signed boundaries Miss Eva expects to be followed during her time under your care, as well as ours. Any violations found by my team, or you for this matter, are subject to creating a legal case against yourself, or us.” Yikes. Very serious. “Just read her preferences, and this shouldn’t be an issue, yes?”
“Am I, like- is this violating some sort of medical law-” Grace began to panic after seeing some of Eva’s medical history included at the forefront of the packet. Never mind that she had most likely seen his during the four years. This was different… probably.
“No,” came the slightly exasperated voice. “Doctor Grace-”
“Grace, just Grace-”
“Grace. No, you are not violating anything, for God’s sake. We have our own… you Americans call it…”
“HIPAA? The medical privacy laws.”
“Yes, HIPAA. Germany has its own version of your American HIPAA: our Social Codes and Data Protections for sensitive information. Let’s not be dense, however, Doctor.” Dense? “You are her legal Caregiver, as declared by the UN courts and under procedures following the CATCH Treaty. You have been granted access to her medical information under lawful protection. So, if you will, stop this anxiety about holding those papers, please. Such a worrier.”
Grace shrank back at the correction and heap of information. Hearing those words, that he was her ‘legal Caregiver’, felt like a slap in the face. This was transactional to the UN. He was doing them a favor so they could get back to punishing their scapegoat faster. Duh. Ugh.
The blond said nothing as he took the time to read, to draw a finger over the ink of every section. Fine then. Let’s see. Eva wanted a female nurse present during bathtimes. More than doable; if the team was expecting him to be… offended, or something… the thought disturbed him. He could feel their eyes watching as he scanned through the packet they all, no doubt, had memorized by now. In what he could tell was hesitant writing -lighter, by a hair, less pressure on the pen ink- she had written that she consented to assistance with other necessities such as, and he quotes, ‘dental health, personal hygiene, bathroom habits, dressing, bathing, and other similar routines.’
Okay! Depending on Eva’s headspace, Ryland guessed there might come a time when she doesn’t want/need help; still, he had no issues so far with helping with the listed items. Bathroom trips might be awkward for a bit, though. He could do this, nerves aside.
She consented to him seeing her expanded medical history. She had no history of allergic reactions to any medications. She had a preference for enriching activities that did not solely rely on technology. Perfect! Grace was a fan of toys and crafts anyway; going outside was going to be a huge contender on his list of what to do from day to day. Under dietary preferences and restrictions, there was a single line rejecting any and all to-dos with olives. Grace couldn’t help but chuckle; he already knew this one, had known from plenty of gala dinners gone south.
A shorter section for nicknames and pronouns, as well as any gendered terms used for titles and such. ‘She/her’ was checked, as well as most of the listed ‘endearment’ names (sweetheart, sweet pea, honey, etc). Thank god. Grace felt relief zap his heart at reading through the rest of that part. Truthfully, as long as there were no uses of ‘dad’, or any other variation of that title, Grace was good on anything else… that he was aware of. He would have also liked to have filled one of these packets out before Eva had crashed into what was bound to be a prolonged regression, but alas, he was not at the center of this ‘arrangement’. He had rights -that was not the concern- but still. Part of the process, he supposed.
Something that did surprise him, however, was a last note in the ‘extra lines’ section. She… wore glasses? How had he never seen this in action before? A quick explanation expanded to say a pair was with her belongings at Baikonur. A hunt of searching for the needle in the haystack now awaited him: finding the right box in the sea of cardboard. Jeez. He flipped the pack of stapled papers back to its resting form.
“I mean, everything sounds good to me! No objections here.”
“Ah, very good. You are required to fill one out as well.”
“Oh, cool. Was- was just about to ask that,” Grace replied as the other doctor, Dr. Aryfoglu (or just Dr. Ary, as the man had laughed at the American’s struggling), now provided another packet. “Thank you, guys- uh, Dr. Ary and Luan and… you all.”
The group found the scientist to be entertaining. The entire team of doctors and nurses (at least, those who’d met him so far) knew Ryland was a good man. Dr. Luan and Dr. Ary had been required to sign off on their own approval of the Caregiver, the Ace up the sleeve of the esteemed Clover Miss Eva herself. The scientist had been a bright light in their freezing-over world, a wonderful candidate with his teaching background and microbiology doctorate. This was a man whom they felt as if they could place faith in.
Dr. Luan had seen her share of prideful, arrogant Caregivers in her twenty-seven years in the field; Dr. Ary was no stranger to cases such as these, either, with his fair involvement in emergency placements with Littles in crisis. So far, neither of them had conjured any reasons to be concerned about Doctor Grace and Miss Eva. The former was far more involved and actively attentive than expected.
“Of course.”
Grace wrung his hands for a second, the last of the anxious jitters escaping. “Should I fill this out now… or later? Or does it matter- I mean, of course it matters, but- yeah.”
“As soon as possible would be preferred. We had planned for this to be done your first night but… drawbacks,” Dr. Luan answered, professional all the same as she hinted at what they all knew. Grace caught on after a moment. Yeah. Harder circumstances, then. No issue. “Alas, next topic, since you are still free to speak, no?”
“I mean, yeah!” He laughed, a hand at the back of his neck. “Eva is still asleep, I think.” Ryland looked to the ceiling, as if the roughened texture could work as a baby monitor, ready to tell him if Eva was stirring from slumber. Speaking of textured ceilings…
“I’ve meant to ask, actually, but what’s the history of this property?” Grace inquired as he shifted from one foot to the next. These floors were solid, pressing against his heels and arches with unapologetic design. Slippers would do nicely, right about now, even with his socks.
“Oh, I can answer this one! Dr. Luan, if I may?” Said one of the other feminine nurses sitting at one end of the counter. She was named… hm… it was- Cosima! Nurse Cosima, that’s right! She had a great sense of humor… and reminded him a lot of Ilyukhina, especially with the Eastern European accent.
Dr. Luan nodded her head with approval. If Grace were able to multitask just a bit more, he would’ve caught the way the older doctor’s schooled expression gave way to a bit of amusement with the younger nurse.
“Okay. So, Mr. Grace, this home is a rental property! I was curious as well and did research. The architect was an American, like you! The home was used for tourists who came from your fifty states.”
“Ohh.” Hm! Sort of a strange property then. “Is Ilsenburg a tourist trap?”
“Not say trap. More so a nature destination. Walking and enjoying the scenery, one could say- right, Rolf?”
Oh yeah! Rolf was the other nurse, the guy who made the present team of professionals evenly split on gender. Grace could admit the man had a much thicker German accent. While the American could attest that his time on the Vatt had granted him stronger listening skills, there were still mistakes, still times that made his ears burn asking someone to repeat themselves. He always felt awful about it.
“Yes. Ilsenburg is popular for our mountain. You Americans seem to love our greenery, Mr. Grace! Good number of visitors for biking; brings some money to our community.” So, Rolf was a local, huh? That was cool!
“Well, that’s good! Glad to bring our love, ha…” Sometimes Grace wished he could think before synchronizing his mouth muscles to talk. Still wielding a sign painting ‘I speak before I think!’, still having that tangible target of showing he was a bit awkward. Whatever. He coughed to clear his throat of nonexistent phlegm to fan the air of his words. “So, American builder, hm? I was wondering about that, given the larger size of this home and the one next door. You all are staying there, right?”
Many head nods. “We are rotating responsibilities for checking in on you two from now on,” Malachi butted in.
“Either Dr. Ary or I will check in at least twice each week, just to be sure nothing is about to implode. A nurse will come every day to measure Miss Eva’s health until after Weihnachten. Forgive me: Christmas.”
Makes sense, sounds perfectly good to- wait!
“Wait- what day is it?” Grace asked, bewildered at the thought of the holidays coming on so fast. He’d lost track of the days, had lost all sense of normality until now. It was hard to know which week it was between flying in fighter jets, uprooting his life in California, packing up Eva’s in France, and the days tied up in their bonding evaluation.
Dr. Luan glanced at her watch, a fancy thing that made Grace suddenly wonder where his watch had ended up. He better not have been pickpocketed at some point… because it was not on his wrist.
“Today marks the fourth of December. Better start your advent countdown, Mr. Grace.”
Wow. A staggering eleven days. A ballpark of a whopping 264 hours had drastically changed his life. The power of Eva Stratt, Grace supposed. That meant Christmas was coming fast, which also meant Eva’s birthday! Stratt had never been keen on celebrating her birthday on the carrier. Would Eva want to have a special day? Would that be too quick a monumental thing to spring on her? Hmm.
“O-oh! So- Eva’s birthday is coming up. How should I go about that?”
“Too early to tell. For now, focus on bringing her comfort, on establishing a consistent routine she can depend on. Littles bloom with a predictable schedule in place. It’s why we call them the Flourish-ers, hm?”
Grace felt the last of his hackles drop at the slight joke. Dr. Luan had just proven herself to be up to date with modern science, just from that one casual usage of her words. Oh, these were going to be a great five years (counting there were no changes of employment; he would fight back hard now). He smiled, noticing his chapped lips as they drew up. That would need to be fixed… or else picking at the dried skin would come next. “That’s right.” Guess the whole birthday extravaganza would come later.
Minutes of comfortable silence passed around the island, Grace throwing away his to-go cup as some of the nurses began to pack their things. The home was quite comfortable despite his cooled fingertips. He missed the warmth of the drink already. “One more thing- I’m sorry! I swear I’ll stop asking things after this! Just real quick.”
Dr. Ary chuckled at the Caregiver’s anxiety about coming off as troublesome. “Nonsense! We love Caregivers with questions! What’s the concern?”
Grace tried to laugh back, to roll with the punches of easygoing. He knew his voice was strained ever so slightly, not by the fault of the other man, but by his own awkward landing. Two left feet, he had, sometimes.
“Okay- food. Like groceries- how does that work? Am I required to go out and shop, or is food kinda just… shipped to the home? Do I need to be learning German faster for all of that?”
“Easy,” Dr. Luan started. “You are most certainly wanted by Miss Eva’s less-than-friendly foes. Too dangerous for casual shopping and dining for now, unless you wish to get some physical exercise in, such as running, punching, evading harm-”
“So no shopping?”
“No. You must write a list at the start of each week of what you need. For this run, you need to write one today and the coming Sunday, the eighth of December. Having read Miss Eva’s wishes and medical history, you can brainstorm some meals. However,” she paused for a millisecond as she found a specific paper in her pile. “There are restrictions Dr. Ary and I have come up with to help her gut adjust.”
“Adjust?”
“Yes. Food on your ship was good, but often limited, no?”
“Yeah.”
“In addition, Miss Eva suffered a caffeine withdrawal during her time in France, according to information transferred.” Oh. “On top of a very vulnerable nervous system, also in withdrawal from her illegal suppression medications, her body will be quite sensitive for weeks.”
“It’s making sense now, yesterday. With the applesauce and everything.”
“It’s not unusual for a Little in her current situation to crave some comfort, too. Perhaps she wanted the sugars; maybe there’s a link to her headspace and the applesauce.”
“Like a comfort food.”
“Agreed. A ‘comfort food’,” she said with the phrasing in pointed exaggeration. Do doctors believe in comfort foods on this side of the Atlantic? Was that an American thing? Grace had never considered this thought before. “Nevertheless, giving comfort is very good, but Miss Eva needs sustenance. Electrolytes, protein, omega-3, vitamin C, calcium, fats, to name a few. Her blood test at the start points to evidence she’s been neglecting most, if not all, of her primary nutrients for some time. There will need to be purposeful balances of her diet.”
“I never did see her eat all that often,” Grace thought aloud, feeling partially responsible. Eva Stratt was a grown adult who could make her own decisions, but just how well had those decisions treated her, now?
“That is in the past, Mr. Grace. We work in the now.” Dr. Luan seemed to know exactly what to say and how to say it. She was right. Nothing came from looking at the past; nothing came from worrying about the future. It helped when many of her colleagues nodded in unison, equally connected to this matter. They were here to help her, to help them both, really.
Ryland could only nod, overcome with emotion at the turn. This was a community, maybe, if he could look past the formalities and professionalism. Here were people who had likely agreed to help Eva, to be a part of this. Even if they had merely agreed to a calling… at least he could make the most of their advice and time. Eva wasn’t the only one who was going to feel the effects of the house arrest, of being isolated to this (still very big, wonderful) home.
“Wipe those tears, mister!” Cosima giggled with something akin to fondness, both entertained whilst still observing for genuine distress or negativity in the American. “You will do great things. Already have.”
“We’re here to help you, Doctor,” Malachi piped in. “We’re here for the long run, even if you find us crazy or… or ‘nuts’, as your saying goes.” Rolf nodded from his spot, agreeing with the sentiment.
“Thank you,” the blond croaked, feeling his ears warm at the embarrassment of vulnerability.
“Y’know what? We will write your list, ‘knock it out of your park’, as you say. Objections?” Dr. Ary offered, extending an olive branch in the midst of the Caregiver learning to sail with the winds.
“None. I sucked at shopping for myself,” Grace finally managed to quip, even if it came at the expense of himself. “Neither Eva or I have allergies. But! Uh, no olives, please. She doesn’t like them, so by extension, I don’t either.” That made Eva’s medical team laugh. A solid joke this time- nice!
“Very well. I hope you know how to cook.”
“Oh, c’mon! Low jab, Doctor Luan. I can cook-” A sad, wanting cry echoed its way down the stairs, right into Ryland’s core. “-and I’ll prove it later! I even saved my spices,” he continued as he started to make his way back upstairs.
He heard various voices behind him as he moved quickly. He heard their front door opening and closing as he took the stairs two at a time. Farewells were announced in his general direction, but he was homed in on other things, or really, one specific little thing. His little thing. His Eva.
“Slow down, cowboy. She’s not going anywhere without you.” An amused tone came from the bottom steps, Dr. Luan following with mellow ease, a steadiness. “Both figuratively and literally.”
“I got that one, that time,” he sheepishly said as he slowed down, now waiting at the top for the wiser of them. For now, he would make good on that last promise: no more questions. Even if his brain jumped to wild ideas of how the German government was keeping an eye on him and Eva before recentering. “I’m slowing down.”
“Good. Miss Eva needs calm energy. You are quite the passionate young man, and it’s refreshing for a change, but these are no ordinary circumstances, yes?” He nodded.
“Ah, see?” She was right, and Grace did not bother pretending otherwise as they walked to the bedroom holding the girl of the hour, who was now getting louder in her cries. “Now, deep breath.” He obeyed and inhaled, holding for five seconds without needing to be asked, releasing for twice as long. “Very good. Now go- get out of my sight and into hers.”
And off he went.
—————————
Why was she here? Where…
No. It did not matter where he was. It mattered where they were.
Eva recognized the stained wood surface of this large piece of furniture, the meager bits of light she allowed to break into her office lining the natural pattern. The sun peeked joyfully through the clouds at this time of the day, illuminating the two chairs opposite the outer ledge of her desk, taunting in its dying phase. It was a lonely business in this chamber. Of her two cages, this one, the bars of her enclosure in Kazakhstan, brought the most dread she had been faced with yet. The difference of her posts between sea and land did something to her mentally, the land making it harder to ignore the desperation of these next few hours.
There was no time to focus on this feeling, not when the Earth and her children were bound for a freezing past biblical proportion. Even now, as she bore responsibility for the building of their Ark, Eva Stratt knew she would never board. A serving of verses resurfaced in the mind, bouncing like buoys on these dodgy, uncertain waters.
Alles auf dem Festland, in dessen Nase der Odem des Lebens war, starb. Jedes Lebewesen auf der Erde wurde vernichtet; Menschen, Tiere, das Gewürm auf dem Boden und die Vögel wurden von der Erde getilgt. Nur Noah blieb übrig und die, die mit ihm in der Arche waren.
Die Wasser überfluteten die Erde hundertfünfzig Tage lang.
This Noah would leave Gottes Schöpfungen to live while she drowned beneath the currents. A good Catholic girl knew the book of Genesis. She was no savior, and she was no Jesus Christus. She dug for her rosary in one of the drawers as the reminders of the recent crisis drifted like shelves of Antarctica’s ghost. Time passed in deviations as she held the string of beads in one hand, a foreign grip of anxiety tight as a cobra’s instinct to kill. She closed her eyes and bowed her head, closing her fingers into a fist around her confirmation day’s rosary.
Allmächtiger Gott, lass sie am Leben sein. She- no. Humanity could not afford for their science officers to have perished over measuring mistakes. There was no more time to spare, no seconds the project’s budget could smooth out. She minutely felt the pain where the palm of her dominant hand had made contact with her Science Officer’s face, when she'd watched as Grace had reeled from the impact. Bitterly, she envied how his mind had been allowed to feel the panic in its rawest form, an honor not reserved for herself.
There was no time for this nonsense. A final vulnerability with the Lord above, with hands shifting the spherical beads between fingerprints, she prayed, alone this time without the eyes of her second in command.
Gegrüßet seist du, Maria, voll der Gnade, der Herr ist mit dir. Du bist gebenedeit unter den Frauen, und gebenedeit ist die Frucht deines Leibes, Jesus. Heilige Maria, Mutter Gottes, bitte für uns Sünder, jetzt und in der Stunde unseres Todes.
Amen.
Stratt reached for her radio to ask for an update from Carl, who was supposed to be near the scene. He would know if her scientist were gone for good. She tucked the last piece of herself back into its labelled box, her last moment of weakness to be pushed under the bed for good. There would be no more time for prayer. She dropped the rosary into a random drawer.
“Carl, do you copy?”
Silence. A sound that rang louder than any decibel of recent news.
“Carl Brooks, do you copy?”
Nothing. (This wasn’t how she remembered this going.)
Realizing she had been standing the entirety of her time, she kicked her rolling chair back for good measure as she made for the door. Only now, upon coming closer to the small rectangle of glass previewing the hall beyond, did she notice the lights were off. For that matter, only the sunlight from her larger, partially blinded window provided any clarity to the surroundings. That light only went so far past her doorframe into the darkness of the hallway, which… she did not recall being so narrow, nor so dark at this time of day.
She was not a child, and she was not a naïve and frightened college girl anymore. Those days were over. A lack of sufficient lighting on her already strained eyes would do naught to her safety or well-being. Her glasses were not an option, lest she want to appear even older than she already did with the wrinkles of stress. (Still, her vision was not this blurred, even on the worst days.)
Her office door slammed behind her as the last inches of her shoes left the embrace of the office’s territory. What? Stratt quickly turned to attempt to get the door to budge, with no success. At least she’d held onto her radio. Here was an idea. “Doctor Grace, do you copy?” She asked after switching to another channel, now growing concerned about the circumstances that had ended with her in a widely unfamiliar hallway.
These were not the grounds of Kazakhstan. The German began to walk down one direction of the carpeted corridor, suddenly aware of the echoes of her footfalls. Why was her own presence so loud, so obnoxious in this hallway? Was this even a hallway?
Her radio crackled with static. Why was he unresponsive? If she knew anything beyond this moment, it was that Grace could never get enough of talking into his radio.
“Ryland Grace, can you hear me?”
Stratt felt her heart begin to race, palpitations causing a surge of dizziness. Sounds that were not there, could not be there, taunted her from all directions. Hallucinations. Her knees started to shake beneath the weight of the unknown. This felt like… like the response she used to have upon starting her suppression medication. Something else deeply woven into her by her ancestors was eliciting a primal response of danger.
Voices she knew could not be heard from beyond the grave began to scream at her, begging her to explain all that she had done. Why was her Oma here, yet was completely gone from her sight? Why was Opa so angry at her, so angry at the choices she'd made for the Earth he'd loved too? Her mind spun at the onslaught of confusion, unable to comprehend the logistics of the moment.
How were they speaking to her? Was it a fear of the dark, or the fear of something being in the dark? She couldn’t be alone. Not here, not like this. Not anymore, please.
“Ryland, are you there?” She cried out, ignoring the crack in her voice that gave away just how frightened she was.
Where was he? Had she gone too far with her actions from before? She could apologize! She could be good, could obey her- her Caregiver? What? He didn't know that part of her, and she was going to make sure no one would until she was dead.
Tears began to pool in her eyes, faster than she could blink them away. Why was she crying so quickly like this? Why was this happening? The radio broke at her feet as she raised a hand to cover one ear, the other to yank at her hair. This couldn’t be real, and this wasn’t fair.
Black dots began to cloud her vision as she felt herself falling, falling, falling-
“RYLAND!”
—————————
Eva awoke as a yelp tore out of her throat, burning from where her body had been fighting to keep it down. Her cheeks felt warm, stained by what must’ve been tears. Her surroundings were dark, and there was a figure standing eerily close to where she had been sleeping. The Little began to thrash from where she had ended up on her back, desperate to get her legs untangled from the blankets and sheets and-
Where was her blanket? Where was Tiger? They had to be close. They had to be, Eva thought desperately, feeling herself slipping deeper and deeper into her headspace by the second. The girl pawed for her items to no immediate success in this darkened room. Her one ankle felt as if it was being suffocated, a foreign weight attached to the bone there. Uncomfortable, and not wanted. Still-
No no no- where was he? It couldn’t be.
“Nnno. Nein- nein!”
“Shhhhh- okay, Miss Eva,” came the voice of someone who was not her Ryland. “Du bist in Ordnung-”
No! No, this wasn’t alright! He hadn’t been here while she’d slept, and she wanted him now!
She wailed despite the gentleness of the stray voice close by, flinching at every touch from the unknown person. She tried to smack at their hands to make them go away. Well-mannered Littles did not hit, so maybe, if she was enough of a ruckus, this person would go away. They weren’t him, could never be him, and would not do. She found a firm grip on her baby blanket, nuzzling into the pinkish fabric as salty tears fell.
Time must have passed at one point. Eva was nearly suffocating herself with the beloved blanket when she heard a door opening, hushed voices following suit beyond the squeaks of the hinges. She kicked around before coming to prop herself up on one elbow, hair full of static and her eyes wild. Those troubled pupils dilated at the sight of the one man she’d yearned for even in her frightening dreams, the person she trusted to come back again and again.
“Aww, hey.” Finally.
While seeing her Ryland had brought some solace, seeing his face draw into sympathetic sadness made her feel upset all over again. This time, she contorted her limbs into a very shaky ball, hiding her cries in her knees. This time, when the stranger who’d been here the whole time made a final attempt to touch her, Eva went to bite, missing the nurse’s fingers by mere inches.
“Hey- woah!” Grace winced as he quickly went to stand next to the poor nurse. At least on the younger woman’s end, despite almost having been bitten, she seemed largely unfazed and more concerned for her patient balled up on the bed. Impressive, really. “We don’t bite the staff, Eva.”
The blond paused for a second as he realized Eva might not be comprehending his words, both from her headspace and from the language barrier. If she had been a little slower to answer earlier, before she'd been upset, how could he know if there would be trouble now? There was nothing to worry about, obviously, as Eva made a little growling noise before noticing how close he’d gotten. Coincidentally, after the observation, the growling ceased; instead, she made hands for him, eager to be in his arms to the point of nearly falling off the bed. Grace caught her and rearranged them so he could sit on the edge of the bed, holding Eva in his lap as she started to calm down.
“I’m here, I’m here,” he comforted as a hand began to rub her back, occasionally switching to running through her red strands. “Deep breaths with me, okay? See-” A largely exaggerated inhale that subsequently held the surrounding air for a few seconds, followed by a dramatized exhale. Eva copied her Caregiver to the best of her ability, a desperate part of her headspace concerned with behaving after getting ‘in trouble’ for the biting. This game of wordless Simon Says continued for multiple rounds before Grace decided to ask. “What happened, sweet pea?”
Eva did not want to answer, nor in English or German or any language she could recall. She got away with hiding in his neck for a few more seconds, Grace still rubbing her back and giving her sweet, sweet comfort. He was being so gentle, so patient, to the point where she began to worry that not answering would land her in trouble. Oh no.
“Do you know what happened?” She heard him ask the stranger. Hey- she was right here! She was a big girl who could answer! That was enough to warrant a grumbled admission of the truth before the stranger (nurse) could answer for her.
“…Verängstigt.”
“…Hm?”
“She was scared, Mr. Grace,” said the other… doctor in the doorway Eva had missed until now. Grrrr! Eva fussed as the truth was translated into English for Ryland’s sake. Embarrassing, embarrassing, embarrassing.
“Oh.” Here it comes: disappointment and equal amounts of disgust that she couldn’t hold herself together like her mutter used to say a well-behaved girl should- “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, sweetheart.”
That wasn’t… wasn’t what she’d expected and- and-
Eva started to tear up all over again, her lower lip quivering as she looked at her Caregiver’s somber expression. Her breathing picked up, some breaths getting caught in hiccups at the genuineness she could see. He was being so nice to a rebellious, misbehaving girl like her.
“Oh, no- no, no, no- c’mon,” he fumbled out, hugging her close as she practically melted into his arms. She didn’t see how he quickly looked to Dr. Luan, checking to see if the older doctor had any silent advice to offer on how to move forward. “It’s okay. You did nothing wrong by being scared. I get scared all the time. ‘S a natural reaction to have, Eva.” Even if he didn’t know why she had been scared. Maybe he could work that out later.
It’s because I wanted you, she wanted to say. She had wanted him to save her in the depths of those dreams, had wanted him all to herself on the days on the Vatt where no one else remembered that she had been human too. But these were too big of things to say while drifting the way she was. The aspect of being so utterly little was starting to envelop her every thought, now that her nervous system had recognized the abundance of safety here in his embrace.
It took some more time, but eventually, the tears slowed to a halt, her heart returning to a steadier pace. She blushed when Grace cooed at her hiccups, letting herself indulge in the affection of his thumbs wiping away her tears. Leaving the rest of the distress behind came easily when her best friend in the entire world was eventually offered to her, even when it meant not getting hugged anymore so she could have some room to accept her-
“Kitty,” she said fondly, quietly, shyly. Oh, how she’d missed her kätzchen.
“Yeah! It’s Tiger, hm? She says ‘Good Morning’!”
“Guten Morgen,” Eva echoed back to her Tiger before promptly nibbling on one of the feline’s ears, content to get some stimulation this way. Feeling the fibers between her teeth, the strange tickle on her tongue from the fur, she felt infinitely smaller. Tiger was the best friend ever, always knowing how to help her feel regressed and happy.
“Oh, of course! She said ‘Guten Morgen’, obviously,” Grace corrected, a little smile on his face now. He was always so silly. She bounced in his lap via one of his knees a few times before the inevitable request came that she should’ve been expecting. Still, it came as a surprise, and a humiliating one at that. “I think we should apologize to Miss Ali for the biting, hm?”
No, she didn’t think she wanted to. What part of being batted away hadn’t been understood? Eva shook her head, voting not to apologize. She felt the rumble of Ryland’s surprised laugh, felt her cheeks warm as he continued. She could tell he was amused.
“No apologies? Eva, sweetheart, we can’t bite others. Biting hurts.”
“In fairness, Doctor Grace, I should have narrated my actions better in the earlier stages of Miss Eva’s panic. It is my mistake,” Ali explained, more than ready to take the brunt of the blame here.
“Very good judgement, Nurse Ali,” came the steady voice of Dr. Luan. “Nevertheless, we cannot have Miss Eva mistaking fingers and arms for snacks.” Eva flushed hard at the words, embarrassed at the notion.
“My little tiger cub, exploring with her teeth,” Grace teased. With that, Eva scowled and whined a loud, pitiful noise, burying her face into Tiger’s trusty fur, letting her dear friend keep her ear this time. Her Caregiver had betrayed her- ugh! “We can work on the biting another day.”
So, he was going to stay until ‘another day’. He wasn’t going to leave. Eva fully relaxed at this, not resisting when he slipped a pacifier into her mouth, when he redirected Tiger to sit in her lap. She was even looking forward to this ‘another day’ when she felt the weight of her baby blanket come to rest on her shoulders.
“For now, I think someone needs to eat some breakfast. We gotta do some unpacking, and I would love to have a supervisor while I get started,” he explained in a soft tone of voice, never once sounding like the day was going to be too much. “Then someone needs a bath, stinky girl.”
Then again, this was Ryland, her Ryland, and he was smart and could always figure it out. So, she went limp in his hold as he carried her out the bedroom door, carefully down the stairs, and towards the promise of warm food. It took until a spoon of applesauce was being fed to her that she made a fuss about being called 'stinky'.