Chapter Text
June 2017
Gordie (howe) God ☑️ @ilyaroz81
I am happy to announce that I am headed north
Ilya was giddy about getting to spend some dedicated time with each other. No interruption or flights to catch. He was going to have 2 full weeks to spend with the love of his life. They can actually have a chance to talk about everything they had been skirting over due to their limited time. They had already been spending the night when they could and had had breakfast together a few times, which were full of smiles, but it wasn’t enough.
Gordie (howe) God ☑️ @ilyaroz81
The state of summer blends us in with each other
How one summer can change everything. It truly is a miracle what a few weeks can do. Spending the whole day with Shane was so much more than he ever could’ve imagined. Waking up together, eating lunch, playing games, going to bed, and all to do it over again. If a Groundhog Day situation were to ever happen to him, he wishes it could be at the cottage. Ilya thinks he would die of happiness if this were his entire life. His also got his favorite sweatpants back, the ones shane ran out in. While he's not a fan of that reminder, he loves that Shane apparently kept them so he could remember what Ilya smelled like. Ilya decides then and there he will only wear them at the cottage or with Shane so that Shane can keep them.
August 2017
Gordie (howe) God ☑️ @ilyaroz81
Everything you see out here will die oh, it's a matter of time 'til it's fields of ice and reflector lights
Shane: baby
Shane: are you feeling okay
Ilya: Yes, I am fine
Ilya: noah just hit a little bit strong this time
Shane: Remember what we talked about at the cottage
Ilya: моя любовь I am fine
Shane: Ilya
Ilya: Noah is also depressed and doing fine
Shane: You know that's because he has a therapist, right?
September 2017
Gordie (howe) God ☑️ @ilyaroz81
At the end of the day I know there are worse ways to stay alive 'cause everyone's growing and everyone's healthy
Sveta: Ilyusha
Sveta: are you busy right now
Ilya: no, doing nothing
Sveta: okay I’m coming over
Ilya: you don’t need to I’m fine
Sveta: don’t care, I’m bored, I wanna hang out
A few days later
Gordie (howe) God ☑️ @ilyaroz81
Yeah, it's better to die numb than feel it all
Shane: Ok, that's it. I'm pulling out the big guns
Ilya: ???
Yuna: Honey, we just want to make sure you are doing okay
Ilya; you called Yuna, SHANE!
Ilya: he didn’t need to do that I am perfectly fine
Yuna: why are you lying
Yuna: shane showed me the tweets
Shane: Baby, please!
Yuna: we are just worried
Shane: I hate that I can’t be there with you
Yuna: you should have someone to talk to there
Ilya: Stop
Ilya: I have Sveta
Yuna: That's great, honey.
Yuna: But I was thinking someone more professional.
Ilya: if it stops this conversation I will look into it
Shane: for now.
October 2017
Gordie (howe) God ☑️ @ilyaroz81
On some sad-eyed middle-aged man's overpriced new leather couch… Said I’m cured
Shane: Ilya?
Ilya: what i said i would go and i have
Ilya: i stand by my tweet, Im cured
Ilya: talking about it really helped
Shane: Ilya…
Ilya: fine the man suggested i have depression like my mother probably did
Ilya: i know the issue now i dont have to go back
Shane: baby
Ilya: ugh fine I will keep going to the sad-eyed middle-aged man who also probably has depression
Shane: But he probably takes medication for it and can do his job better for it.
November 2017
Gordie (howe) God ☑️ @ilyaroz81
Ok, I'll give it to Connors. I shouldn’t have been so dismissive of the rest of the music that @NoahKahan has. It was just a cruel twist of fate that call your mom came first. I don’t think Noah can write a bad song.
October 2018
Gordie (howe) God ☑️ @ilyaroz81
I filled the hole in my head with prescription medication
↳ Mental health is important guys. Yes you might be ugly in front of an old sad man or Russian woman in my case but they can give you drugs to make you feel better!
Ilya never really wanted to do therapy. Growing up in Russia, you learn that feelings are only for the weak and effeminate. And the only way you can express yourself is by anger; usually, it is okay for men to throw a punch, but to shed a tear will get a punch headed your way. Being in North America for the past 7 years has not really helped to shed any of that bravado, because hockey culture is very similar. The Hollanders are much more of a gentle family. When Shane saw him cry for the first time, he did not yell or laugh at him. Shane held him closer and tried to soothe his worries. David talks openly about his feelings, a man who is starting to change his views on what a father should be. Yuna is the one who finally managed to get him into therapy. While Ilya doesn’t enjoy the task of talking about his feelings, he thinks it has been good to talk with someone who isn’t involved with hockey.
March 2018
Gordie (howe) God ☑️ @ilyaroz81
I miss this place, your head and your heart
Shane: I miss you too, baby.
Ilya: I wish we could go back to the cottage rn
Shane: we just have to get through playoffs, and then I'm all yours
September 2019
Gordie (howe) God ☑️ @ilyaroz81
To know me is to hate me, to hate what I've become
Ilya thinks of his family in Russia way too much in his opinion. He doesn’t even have that much, just Alexi, his niece, and some uncle he has met about twice. Ilya wants to believe he has made peace with leaving Russia behind, but sometimes songs like these remind him of how he was raised. He has changed so much from the boy who left Russia, even from the person he was three years ago before his Twitter crash-out. They are the only people who have truly known him his whole life. Russia raised him, and he sometimes can’t stop thinking about how they would hate him now. He is a bisexual man who openly talks about his feelings and runs a mental health foundation. He is the antithesis of what it means to be a Russian man, and that thought hurts no matter how much he wants to say he’s over it.
February 2020
Gordie (howe) God ☑️ @ilyaroz81
Yes, I'm young and living dreams In love with being noticed and afraid of being seen
Sveta: I see you
Shane: I love you
Yuna: we know how you truly are, and you couldn’t be more perfect
David: My son
Ilya: Thank you, all this means more than you could ever know
March 2021
Gordie (howe) God ☑️ @ilyaroz81
Just to say that some small fame ain't made me someone else.
↳ I have and always will love Shane Hollander
↳Shane Hollander ☑️ @ShaneHollanderHockey
You have never known a version of me that wasn’t with Rozanov in some shape or form. ❤️
May 2021
Gordie (howe) God ☑️ @ilyaroz81
@ShaneHollanderHockey can we be vampires I would love to go out on the sidewalk and smoke with you!
↳Shane Hollander ☑️ @ShaneHollanderHockey
We can do all that except the smoking. I will not have you die of cancer on me!
↳Gordie (howe) God ☑️ @ilyaroz81
Babe, that why we would be vampires, they can only die from garlic
July 2021
Shane Hollander ☑️ @ShaneHollanderHockey
Once all the rain stopped, I was afraid you might wake up and remember who I am and remember what I've done. Well damn, @noahkahan, Ilya may be obsessed with the album but I never actually payed much attention to the lyrics before
↳ Gordie (howe) God ☑️ @ilyaroz81
Never, let's go make a few of our own
Gordie (howe) God ☑️ @ilyaroz81
I wanna love you 'Til we're food for the worms to eat
↳ Shane Hollander ☑️ @ShaneHollanderHockey
'Til our fingers decompose, keep my hands in yours
↳ Svetlana @stevavet
Of course you idiots would use this song for your first dance
↳ Rose Landry @actallrosie
This should’ve been our first hint that we would be hearing Noah, much more!
↳ Shane Hollander ☑️ @ShaneHollanderHockey
My Husband can play whatever he wants, and when you finally decided to find a straight boyfriend, you can play whatever music you want at your wedding
Gordie (howe) God ☑️ @ilyaroz81
[A picture of Shane and Ilya standing together in matching suits, holding hands at the altar]
I won't be alone for the rest of my life! I'll build a boat for when the river gets high. @ShaneHollanderHockey love of my life! You never get to leave me again. ❤️
Shane Hollander ☑️ @ShaneHollanderHockey
[A picture of Shane and Ilya standing together in matching suits, with Ilya’s arm slung around Shane's shoulder, pulling him in closer so he can place a kiss on his cheek.]
Now I'm glad I get forever to see where you end!! ❤️