Chapter Text
Peter Parker had tried to approach MJ and Ned, he really did. He waited a couple days before he went to the coffee shop where MJ worked, ready to make it all right again. After all, he had promised that he would find her.
He walked into the coffee shop MJ worked at with a heart full of hope. It was going to be easy peasy, he would go up to MJ, read her the letter he had written, she would remember him, they would be in love again, and everything would go back to normal, that’s how it’ll go he told himself. Same with Ned and Mr. Stark, he would tell them all about what they had forgotten and then he would go back to building Star Wars Lego sets at Ned’s and working in the lab with Mr. Stark.
However his hopes came crashing down soon enough.
Peter Parker knew that MJ had forgotten who he was, but definitely did not expect to be treated like a total stranger. MJ had the same polite smile she gave to all her customers and Peter was no different than another guy who walked in on a Tuesday afternoon wanting a coffee. Even Flash Thompson would have been treated with more emotion and recognition.
“Hi, my name is Peter Parker and…” he trailed off. MJ gave him a bemused stare.
He stared at her, at the girl who he loved. She stared back, at a total stranger staring at her with such pain in his eyes.
Creepy. At least he wasn’t some old ass man.
In the end he couldn’t do it, all he did was make a fool of himself. He clutched the letter he wrote to her tightly in his hand, scrunching it up.
When he walked out of the coffee shop, away from the girl who he had loved, he left a piece of his broken heart there. Reality hit like a blow to his heart, what did he expect anyways?
Peter had known that everyone would forget him but he didn’t expect it to hurt so bad. How could he make his friends remember him when their past had been scrubbed to nothing?
Well, that didn’t work but you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.
Peter had also promised to come find Mr. Stark after. His mind unbiddenly conjured up an image of Tony Stark looking at this random ass kid who claimed to borderline be his personal intern or even son with disgust and confusion. The same look he had given Flash when Tony learned that Flash was bullying Peter at school.
He faltered in his step.
No, he had promised Tony that he would come find him, and while Peter Parker knew it wasn’t going to work, he still had to give it a shot.
﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌
It wasn’t a long walk to SI. Well, maybe it was but Peter wanted to get some fresh air after what just happened. His stomach turned as he approached the daunting tower.
Huh, he didn’t remember SI being such a huge tower.
Peter craned his head up yet he still couldn’t see the tippy top of the tower. He knew that there were 93 floors but it really seemed like there were 193 floors. The tower loomed over him, casting him in its shadow. The same tower that he had lived in and worked in and made his home never seemed so imposing.
“Hi, I was wondering if I could see Mr. Stark?” He asked the receptionist. She was new, the name tag on her breast read ‘Marie’ in neat white letters against a black background.
She stared at him. Peter’s fingers nervously drummed against his leg.
“Do you have an appointment?” Marie flipped through the book for Tony’s appointments. It was old and tattered, the pages full with pen ink and white out. Peter remembered when he had first met Mr. Stark, and the receptionist had written his name, Peter Benjamin Parker down in a slot for 4:30 in the afternoon with a blue ballpoint pen. He had felt so nervous but at the same time so full of excitement.
“N-no,” Peter stammered.
“Sorry, you need to have an appointment with Mr. Stark to see him, he’s extremely busy” Her tone was apologetic but none of the sympathy in her voice reached her facial expressions. He was just another person who thought they could promote their product to Mr. Stark himself, no doubt.
Peter knew Mr. Stark wasn’t busy. He was probably tinkering away in his lab again.
Right, how was he going to get in anyways? He no longer had an internship because obviously nobody remembered him. He really never had an internship before anyways. Peter Parker and Spiderman were considered family, not some worker that made repairs in the lab and then got out of there. And if nobody remembered the ties between Peter and the anonymous masked neighborhood crime stopping vigilante, nobody remembered Peter.
Sometimes Spider-Man has to do the hard thing, even if it breaks Peter Parker’s heart.
Heart heavy, he thanked her and left.
﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌
They were all better off without him, really.
Ned and MJ had both gotten into MIT, their dream school. They didn’t need some random Peter Parker dragging their leg behind, they deserved this opportunity. After all the chaos that Spiderman had put them through, he could at least owe them this peace. Shelter from the dangers of the risk of being associated with Spiderman.
Peter knew he wouldn’t get into MIT, not with all his records basically scrubbed. He had to apply to a community college as a transfer kid from another country. It broke his heart to see all his academic progress and achievements he had made over the years gone. His record was now a blank state, no Academic Decathlon, no honor role, no grades being the top of his class.
He hated it at Queen’s community college.
The coursework there was dead easy. Back then, with Tony’s help, he was able to enroll in online MIT courses. The same courses that Ned or MJ might be taking at this very moment.
He had no friends. A lot of the people who he did see at Queens from his high school had no recollection of who he was.
Truth is, Peter was scared of making friends. He shrugged off classmate after classmate when they invited him to study sessions, sports games, or even play a round of Nintendo Super Smash Bros in their dorms. They got the message quickly and by the mid of first semester he got no more invites; Peter Parker was officially a loner.
Tony Stark and his crew were better off without him anyways. There was no more kid he needed to wake up at 2am for because he got stabbed. Happy no longer needed to chauffeur him around. Pepper didn’t need to give up so much of her time and attention to him when she was overwhelmed with work. The researchers and employees at SI didn’t need some kid constantly exploding things. Dr. Cho could use the time that she would have spent patching up his one hundredth stab wound on more pressing issues. The Avengers didn’t need to have to look out for his bright blue and red spandex ass because he was the youngest and most inexperienced.
Peter had convinced himself that everyone was better off without him so he wouldn’t break down. He wanted all those things he couldn’t have anymore. He missed his friends and family like crazy. Although he knew that re-entering their lives would only expose them to danger and harm, he missed them like crazy.
The year after Strange erased everyone’s memory was the hardest.
He would often sit by May’s grave with fresh flowers and cry. Sometimes Peter had nightmares about her death. He would wake up screaming or drenched in cold sweat, or both. He wished for May to come back and hold him in her arms like he was a kid again, for her to kiss his brow and sing soft lullabies to him. When she had passed, Tony Stark had stepped in as an acting father of some sort to help sooth Peter’s grief and guilt.
How both of them were gone. The only people who gave a shit about his nightmares now were his neighbors, who would bang at this door and tell him to shut up at 2am.
Peter was overcome with crippling loneliness.
At least he had Karen.
He had taken a break from being Spiderman after Strange erased everyone’s memory. He no longer had educational records or a place to live.
That was what he told himself. The truth was that he was scared how much regret and guilt would hit him when he put on the suit that he had made so many memories in.
Crime had skyrocketed in the week he took off. Victims of mugging weren’t going to stop the mugging on their own anytime soon.
So Spiderman once again swung through the city, catching bike thieves and robbers alike.
When he had put his suit that Mr. Stark had made for him back on, he was surprised by a casual female voice in his ear.
“Welcome back, Peter” came the familiar robotic voice of Karen.
“Woah Karen? You still remember me?” Peter was astonished. Did the spell not work? What was going on?
A moment of silence.
“Why wouldn’t I remember you Peter?”
Relief flooded his veins. At least he still got Karen.
Karen remembered him because she wasn’t a sentient being. She was an AI. The data records of Peter had been removed but Karen remembered him. She might not remember who gave her to him or any connection back to Mr. Stark but she remembered him, Peter Parker. And that was good enough for the boy who had lost his world.