Chapter Text
bi-tch: how was everyone's weekend
Kaz: I wish no one loved me so I could die.
bi-tch: mood tbh
bi-tch: but also too bad we love you
Kaz: I know.
Kaz: And it sucks.
two guns jesper: if it helps, even tho i adore u man, i love wylan more than i love you
Kaz: Somehow that makes me feel better?
bi-tch: thats probably not a good sign kaz
Kaz: I think...
Kaz: I think I'm happy Jesper has someone he cares about who can love him back like he deserves???
two guns jesper: omg
two guns jesper: thats so sweet kaz im sheddin a tear
Kaz: Ugh I hate this.
bi-tch: im so proud,,, i rlly need 2 air kiss u rn kaz
Kaz: @matt Why did you make me do this
two guns jesper: brb i need to go tell wylan abt this
bi-tch: bye! ily!
Kaz: See you.
Kaz: I'm leaving too. I don't want to have to see Wylan's incomprehensible adoring noises translated into text.
bi-tch: Awww :(
bi-tch: guess its just me
bi-tch: all alone
bi-tch: nobody around to love me
bi-tch: aaaaaaalll by myseeeeeeelllffff
matt: *drives up and winds down my window* oh is that so ;)
bi-tch: *leans out of my window and smiles flirtatiously down at u* o-oh! i wasnt expecting anyone to overhear >w< hi, can i take ur order?
matt: yea, can i get a fuckin uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
bi-tch: *turns into a werewolf with long black hair and wolf ears and a tail but still human* im a werewolf... are u scared?
matt: no... im a werewolf too *turns into a werewolf with huge muscles* and its mating season...
two guns jesper: jESUS FUCKING CHRIST PLEASE DO NOT
bi-tch: you mean 'please do knot' ;)
two guns jesper: I HATE BOTH OF YOU MY BOYFRIEND HAD TO LISTEN TO THAT
two guns jesper: I TOLD HIM KAZ DID SOMETHING CUTE AND THEN HE HEARS THIS FURRY SHIT
two guns jesper: AND NOW HE WONT TALK TO ME
matt: huh. i kind of assumed wylan had like. a secret furry deviantart account somewhere
Voice-to-text: Jesper can you type something into my phone for me I need capslock
two guns jesper: i gotchu babe
Voice-to-text: IM NOT A FUCKING FURRY I HATE YOU GUYS SO MUCH
Voice-to-text: WE ALL HAD A CRUSH ON THE FUCKING FOX IN ZOOTOPIA
bi-tch: no we did not
bi-tch: that was just you
matt: to be fair, wylan has a thing for cocky assholes
Voice-to-text: what the fuck is that supposed to mean
Voice-to-text: (this is still jesper btw)
Voice to text: (wylan is too busy screaming into his pillow 2 talk rn)
matt: actually you know who was a furry when they were younger?
matt: kaz
matt: kaz was DEFINITELY a furry
bi-tch: yeah but like,,, an edgy furry
bi-tch: jesper you knew kaz when he was 12, was he a furry?
Voice-to-text: real sorry guys, ive signed a legal contract that prevents me from talking abt what kaz was like from ages 11-14
matt: sometimes you say things and i literally can't figure out if you're joking or not
bi-tch: tbh i think thats just a confirmation kaz has some embarrassing ocs out there
Voice-to-text: ....
Voice-to-text: *whispers* h e w a s i n t o s u p e r w h o l o c k
matt: I FUCKIGN KNEW IT
matt: I KNEW THERE WAS A REASON HE WORE THOSE NERDY COATS ALL THE TIME
bi-tch: oh my gdo im going to die
Voice-to-text: GUYS SHUT UP HE'LL HEAR
Voice-to-text has deleted 6 messages.
Voice-to-text: Wylan here, I've taken my phone back as Jesper can't be entrusted with his own safety.
Voice-to-text: Also, fuck you guys.
bi-tch: we love you too wylan
matt: i cant believe he fucking killed jesper
bi-tch: r i p he will be missed
matt: birds do it, bees do it
bi-tch: let's fall in love
matt: die
bi-tch: oh
bi-tch: this is why we broke up
matt: i thought it was because u were a furry
bi-tch: also im gay
matt: same!!!!!!
bi-tch: omg twinsies
bi-tch: speaking of @Kaz wink wonk how r u 2 doing
Kaz: I want to kill him.
matt: but i think it's kinda hot
matt: also your not being honest abt your feelings!!! tut tut tut mr.therapy is mad at you
Kaz: Wrong your.
Kaz: And that's so unfair?? Wylan literally just said he hated you guys like four minutes ago?
Kaz: The double standard is2g
Kaz: Speaking of which, what were the messages Wylan deleted?
bi-tch: oh jesper just started rlly oversharing abt their sex life and he got mad.
Kaz: Wow that's like... actually really shitty of jesper?
bi-tch: fuck
bi-tch: ok that was a lie he wasnt being a bitch he was talkin abt ur superwholock phase
bi-tch: im sorry we lied
Kaz: ...
matt: Also can we read your fanfiction?
Kaz has left the groupchat.