Chapter Text
When Will arrived at the Toffoli household with strict instructions to let himself in quietly, he did so without question to hushed whispers coming from the other room. He could feel the tension in the air as he crept towards the living room, progressively making his footsteps a little louder as to not end up eavesdropping on whatever private conversation was happening. It seemed to work as he spied two pairs of eyes trained on him as he turned the corner into the living room, Mack bundled securely in one of Cat’s many fluffy blankets, looking war torn and worn out. Toff settled beside him, his one hand on the kid’s knee, the other laid limply on his lap like he didn’t know what to do with it. He spied the pasta dish on the centre table, it looked like one of Cat’s specialties, but it laid almost untouched.
“Will, come sit bud, I’ll grab you something to eat.” There was a pleased look in the man’s eyes then as he got up, gesturing for him to take a seat beside his linemate. He did then, and the younger leaned into him ever so slightly, breathing quiet, gaze far away, but there. It was silent for the few moments it took for Toff to get back with a plate of food, and Will felt himself becoming more confused by the minute.
When he had first received Tyler’s hushed call, beckoning him to come over he had assumed that what had happened before with his best friend, had happened again. But now that he was here, observing the two, he wasn’t so sure. Toff’s jaw was set with something heavy, like he was trying so hard to keep in something that was aching to burst. Mack seemed present, not as he had been all those weeks ago, but like he was carrying exhaustion so bone deep he looked as if he would crumble.
“Eat kid, Cat made it.” the pasta was pushed into his hands carefully, only once he had a grip of the plate did Toff’s hands disappear before doing the same to Mack.
“Just a bit more bud.” He said softly before leaving the room, to do what Will wasn’t sure, but he reached out to his fork, watching as Mack mirrored the movement, like he was tethered on puppet strings to Will’s being. He felt understanding hit him gently in the chest, and he started eating, slowly, waiting for Mack to catch up.
The two sat in silence for a while, and eventually Mack pushed his plate away from himself, making it through just over half, his mouth forming a small grimace only for a moment before he sunk back into himself, deep into the couch, eyes slipping shut. Will observed him as he finished his own pasta, the way Macklin’s body shook slightly with each breath, the way his hands seemed to tremor, his legs twitching every so often. Like his so tired body was trying desperately to outrun something. It made Will’s stomach ache something nasty, the last bite of his food turning to dust in his mouth.
“I’m sorry” The admission was quiet as it floated into the air, Mack’s eyes now open slightly, trained on him.
“You have nothing to apologize for Superstar.” Will answered honestly, a small smile forming on his lips.
“Superstar?”
“Yeah”
They continued in silence for a while, Mack’s eyes slipping shut again, staying that way even when Toff entered the room again to settle on the arm chair across from them.
“Feeling better bud?” He asked softly, the boy across from him giving no indication that he heard it, head lulling to the side, inches away from resting on his best friend's shoulder. As it finally made contact he answered slowly, like each syllable took mountains of energy to force out.
“Yeah, thanks. I’m sorry I should have been able to handle it.” Will watched a pained look overtake the older man’s face, his hand coming up to riffle through his hair with a heavy sigh.
“Mack, bud. That had nothing to do with you not handling it. You’re gonna get hurt kid.”
The younger looked defiant for a moment, squirting across the room at Tyler, his mouth tilting into a frown, his brow furrowed.
“I’m fine. S’just training Ty, been doing this since I was a kid.”
“You still are- That doesn’t make it fine Mack”
The boy closed his eyes again then, pushing his face into the crook of Will’s neck with a whine, a sound and action Will knew he would be embarrassed about later, if he even remembered this conversation with what sleepy gate he took part in it with.
“I don’t wanna talk about this, wanna sleep..” The words were quiet, and they squeezed Will’s heart so tightly he felt he could barely breathe if only for a moment. He exchanged a look with Toff before nodding, getting up slowly and helping Mack to his feet.
“Come on superstar, let’s get you to the guest room yeah?”
“You staying too?” If Will didn’t already have it in his head before that he would stay over, if only to feel more assured about his best friend's state of mind, he definitely would have been firm on it now. The quiet question triggering that familiar squeeze.
“Yeah Mackie.”
Practice the next couple days was nothing to write home about, and true to Rick Celebrini’s words he picked Mack up the next day. There was no extra training to be had at the SAP centre, just a quiet car ride home and another day that left Will aching for the familiar weight of his best friend. It felt like torture, to go from spending every second of every day with with someone to almost nothing, his friends attention even waning during practices, his eyes constantly on his father standing as he always did, crossed arms and stone faced.
It was after practice, all thrown sweaty gear in stalls that Will began to feel that somehow this situation became impossibly worse. It was as normal as any other time he had been in that locker room, aside from the lack of Macklin energy, the rest of the guys were just as they always had been, all chirps and tired but content with a practice well done.
“Mack that bruise is gnarly!” Someone exclaimed, Will’s eyes snapping over to his linemate, Mack having just pulled his helmet off, placing it on the bench beside him.
Just above his cheekbone, a dark bruise was painted on his skin, curling up behind his hair in a sickening display of deep purples and molted yellows. On instinct Will replayed the morning, wondering how in the world he had missed it, but unlike before he never saw his friend in the mornings now, only at practice and he couldn’t remember once Mack taking a hit strong enough to cause that. Not only that, but he was fairly certain it wasn’t there the previous day, or maybe it was and he didn’t notice, though it felt unlikely considering how often his eyes were trained on their star player.
Macklin seemed to falter for a moment, his full body tensing quickly before it was released like nothing happened, an easy smile gracing his face. He laughed quickly, bringing a hand up to cover it, fingers pressing lightly on the affected area.
“How’d that happen?” Will asked cautiously, his eyes narrowing in on Mack’s hand, watching as he touched the tender skin. He waited for the others' gaze to meet his, but it didn’t as he responded.
“Hit during practice, doesn’t even hurt.” It was rushed out, not quite as easy as the smile had come moments early, but before Will could even attempt to respond, he was gone, off to the shower room, oblivious of how closely he was watched as he left.
Will could feel the careful unease drifting below the easy atmosphere of the room, he didn’t have to turn his head to know that Toff’s eyes were boring into him. He didn’t bother making eye contact, sucking in a deep breath before letting it out slowly, following his friend into the shower room.
“Mack”
The younger one turned to look at him, his face was twisted in all sorts of wrong underneath his weirdly smooth features, like he was a second away from snapping but trying so hard not to. He blinked at Will before raising his brows, the towel in his hands held in a white knuckle grip.
“I’m here, yeah?” Will said with certainty, cataloging each and every expression that graced his friend's face in that moment. He watched as the grip on the towel loosened a fraction.
“I know. Thanks Will.”
There wasn’t much of a conversation after that, but Will could feel the change. Just as he had since that first day the older took a glimpse into the mystery that was their star player, he could feel the silent trust and reliance that had been placed on his shoulders. And it made him more grateful than ever that he had decided to play the long game with someone so stubborn. Mack had never seemed to respond well to hovering.
After Will saw the first bruise, he couldn’t help but be more attentive, and although it seemed Mack had noticed, he didn’t seem to mind. His orbit around his best friend, ever tight and unwavering. The younger had been playing better, seemed more focused, his laugh light and his eyes gleaming with the passion Will loved to see.
But he couldn’t help but notice the change that came along with it. The way his friend was so careful now in the change rooms, the way he’d hide away in the showers when before he didn’t care. The way he seemed hesitant to reach out to anyone but Will, the way he flinched ever so slightly when someone slapped a hand down on his back in celebration. The way he seemed to lose himself in panic when he missed a pass. He was so like himself, but so not the Macklin Celebrini Will loved. Because in everything that had happened, every car ride, every conversation, every vulnerable moment the pair had spent together, Will could feel the deep ache forming somewhere in his chest.
With each day that had passed, the ache became larger. And at first Will thought he simply was just missing his best friend, he was, but as the nights became quieter, he realized that the feeling ran deeper. Looking over at the head resting on his shoulder that night when exhaustion was so bone deep into Macklin he had really felt it. The overwhelming desire to lean over and place a chaste kiss on the crown of his head, to shield him from the weight he carried and to carry it with him. But regardless of that, he kept his feelings to himself, because whatever he was feeling, had no place in the current state of Macklin’s life. It could wait, and it would.
Seeing the way his linemate curled into himself when praise or a supportive hand was directed towards him was causing a deep festering within him. He could feel the worry coiling it’s way up his neck, the want to say more causing him to bite his tongue, lest his friend close himself off even more.
Biding his time seemed to work out in the way he could feel his friend leaning into him more when he was on the bench, in the way Mack seemed to search for him when they were separated on the ice. Though it burned his body in every way to not be able to help further, it brought a kind of solace and pride to know that he was someone the younger could find comfort in. He hoped it would stay that way.
It was only after Rick Celebrini left San Jose that things started to unravel. Which in a way felt weird to Will, because everything was coiled so tightly he was sure it would burst all that time ago. Not during a peaceful evening at the Toffoli household, not when Mack had seemed back to himself, not when he seemed to finally be coming to terms with their latest loss streak.
The months after the man had left brought a sense of normalcy, the team felt lighter, practices ran smoother, and the nights Will craved so desperately were back in full swing. He wasn’t sure how he had lived without them when Mack was confined to a tight Rick approved training schedule.
The biggest change it brought was the development in their "not just friends”, but “not officially more than”, relationship. Something they had agreed upon after Will had not so subtly revealed how he felt to the younger, where rushed apologies were met with certainties and flushed gazes. While it felt different, hushed vulnerable moments mixed in with their regular ones, it also felt familiar. A later conversation ending in snorts and giggles upon the realization that even as a sort of couple it wasn’t that different than before. But regardless of what they had, the warm feeling Will felt each time he laid his eyes upon Mack and remembered that he loved him too made everything worth it. Worth the wait until they’d finally have the courage to really be something more, officially at least.
It led to Will finding himself seated next to Macklin in the Toffoli dining room, hand resting comfortably on the younger's thigh, said boy talking animatedly to Cat and Tyler. It had been a nice evening, one full of laughter and light atmosphere. Especially after the reveal Will and Mack had set themselves to give was met with support.
They were in the middle of a debate about the worst plays Toff had made in his career when the shrill high pitched ring of Mack’s phone went off. He looked sheepish as he pulled out his phone, apologizing with a grimace as he stated that he really had to take the call. Tyler waved him off with a smile, returning to conversation with Will and Cat.
“I’m gonna go check on Mack” Will stated a while later, the food on his plate long having been finished, and his best friends long gone cold. He excused himself quickly, making his way into the spare room where he knew the younger had excused himself earlier. He felt his heart shatter as he stepped inside, his eyes focusing on the figure curled up on the floor next to the bed, his eyes staring straight ahead.
“Mackie?” He called out softly, moving to sit in front of him, his hands reaching out but not quite touching him. Mack’s eyes snapped to his, expression vacant for only a moment before it twisted into something painful.
“I can’t do this” He whispered softly, his eyes slipping closed.
“Do what baby?”
Tyler finally entered the room after a long bout of silence, zeroing in on the two boys on the floor. He took his seat next to Will, his knees cracking as he bent down. The action, the situation felt familiar.
“What’s going on bud?” Toff asked, leaning back against the wall behind him. Mack’s eyes snapped open at the new voice, seemingly not having noticed the addition to the room.
“I can’t.” Mack buried his face in his arms. “I don’t know how to-” He stopped himself, a frustrated half sob breaking free from his chest.
“That’s okay Mackie, can I ask some questions?” Will asked carefully, he could feel the confusion and worry practically radiating off of the man beside him. It was a few seconds before Mack nodded, his head jerking at the sudden movement.
“Who called you?”
“Dad-” Mack looked up then. “He said he’s- he said he’s coming to visit again. He wants me to stay with him. Will I can’t- I don’t want to”
“Then you don’t have to” Will looked at him with certainty, but all he got was a bitter laugh in response. It died quickly.
“I can’t just say no, he’s my dad.”
“Yes you can bud.” Tyler interjected, his voice soft but firm. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, you’re an adult Mack, even if I call you kid, it’s your choice.”
“Why don’t you want to stay with him?” Will asked, and he almost felt like an asshole broaching the subject, knowing Mack likely didn’t want to talk about it. He was surprised when the younger started to talk, but maybe he shouldn’t have been. After all this whole conversation was out of the ordinary, for Mack to even admit he couldn’t do something was unlikely. So maybe the exhaustion was far outweighing any form of reason.
“He’s not- I can’t. I can’t be what he wants me to be. I try so hard but he's just, he’s never proud of me. I thought- I thought our relationship was normal, but then” He looked over to Toff then suddenly. “I started to think of you as a father more than him, and I’m sorry, I don't, I shouldn't have been thinking that. I’m sorry, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have said anything.”
Tyler reached out a hand to gently place on Mack’s head before he could spiral any further. “It’s all good bud, you and Will are like my kids ya know? I’m honoured.”
Mack leaned into the touch, his breath evening out so slightly. “You just made me realize that maybe how I grew up wasn’t normal. But I didn’t want to see that, so I didn’t say anything and I kept lying to you and Will, I just couldn’t admit I was wrong.”
“And I thought it would be fine. He left, and things could be normal. But he wants to come back. He said I’m not focusing, that I don’t play right when he’s not around. But I just can’t. I can’t do it, I can’t.”
“Part of me thinks I should because maybe If I do he’ll finally love me. But I know he won’t, I could kill myself breaking my personal best on that stupid treadmill and he’d still tell me it’s not enough. He’ll still say I’m failing, he’ll still make me go again, he’ll never be proud of me.”
Mack uncurled himself, his breathing becoming more and more frantic as he spoke.
“And you Will, loving you has been the best thing that’s ever happened to me, even if I’m scared. And loving you makes it hurt so much more when I destroy myself over and over cause I can see how badly it hurts you, and I want to be what you deserve. So I just can’t I don’t want to see him, I don’t want to hide how much he makes me hate myself, I don’t want to lie to you anymore.”
“I don’t want to look up at him every time I miss a pass or play a bad turnover, I don’t want to sit through the car ride home where he scrutinised every single thing I did. I don’t want to go home with him knowing what he’ll do if I play badly. I can’t do it. Please don’t make me do it, please you have to tell me I can’t.”
“Macklin..” The words were wavering with emotion as Will closed the distance between them swiftly, pulling the younger towards him, his arms coming up securely around his back, the younger’s face pushed into his chest.
“He didn’t used to be so violent.” The admission was soft and wavering. So soft Tyler pushed himself closer to hear it, his heart breaking at the revelation, at every time he saw the discoloured skin but took the lie he was presented with at face value.
Tyler brought up his hand to rest on Macklin’s back. “I’ll handle it bud.”
Mack pushed himself free from Will suddenly, his head knocking off the older boy’s chin, but he didn’t falter. “I- I didn’t say that, you have to forget that. Please.” His hand latched onto Toff’s arm, his eyes wild with panic, cycling between the two men in front of him. “Tyler, please… Will.”
The older man gently took both the younger hands in his. “Deep breaths bud.” He waited a few minutes, till the look in Macklin’s eyes was less crazed and more balanced, his breath evening out. “I’m sorry I can’t just forget that. But I won’t make it a full production I promise. You just take care of yourself okay? I’ll handle the rest.”
“I trust you” Mack said quietly after a few moments of silence, his body leaning back into Will’s, his head resting back on his friend's chest.
“I’m sorry.” Will spoke then, his voice quiet and uncertain, tight with something akin to anger and despair.
“You didn’t know.”
“I know.”