Chapter Text
“Alyosha!” Mitya instantly ran backstage once he entered the Korolevskiy Theater. “You and–”
“I don’t want to talk about it.” Alyosha grumbled, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “It’s not true.”
“Really?” Mitya’s scarf scratched his head for him. “I actually thought it was pretty plausible. That’s why I came to ask you.”
“It’s a load of lies.” Alyosha snatched the open newspaper from Mitya’s arms and flipped it back to the front page. “Well, except for this page.” The front page in question was a huge picture of Mitya and Vodyanitsa from the day before, when Mitya flew her away from the press, titled, ‘PRIMA SOPRANO SWEPT OFF HER FEET… LITERALLY?!’
Mitya’s right eye twitched while his scarf looked like it was cackling. “That… is the eight newspaper today with that picture on the front cover.”
“You’ve been counting?”
“It’s hard not to!” Mitya took the newspaper back and scanned through the article. “I haven’t even read this one before.”
SNEZNOGRAD TIMES
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
PRIMA SOPRANO SWEPT OFF HER FEET… LITERALLY?!
Citizens of Snezhnaya, hold on to your hats! This just in, looks like the famed singer Vodyanitsa is officially off the market! But, who is the mysterious man who has melted the singer’s heart? We asked multiple witnesses for their guesses.
— “I thought he’d be this ripped, muscular guy. You know, the whole good girl, bad boy sort of thing.”
— “Whoever he is, he’s gotta be the luckiest guy in Snezhnaya!”
— “Miss Vodyanitsa is the best singer ever! I trust her judgement in whoever she picks!”
— “All I’m gonna say is, her boyfriend should be taller than her. Just feels right.”
— “I wonder if he’s a fan of the theater? Or what if he used to hate her singing until she put him under a spell?”
— “I heard he’s a scientist… I wonder if he used a love potion or something.”
— “Wait a minute, so she’s not dating Odette?”
— “WHAT WILL THE CHILDREN LOOK LIKE?!”
“Love potion?!” Mitya looked extremely offended, even the scarf was about to rip the newspaper into bits. “Don’t these people know that’s practically impossible? Not to mention, highly immoral!”
“So, where’s your kid?” Alyosha teased, finally glad to be getting the upper edge of someone.
“Shut up.” Mitya muttered, as he continued reading.
In truth, it turns out that our beloved singer fell for a scientist of the Royal Energy Commission, named Mitya. However, if any of you expected anything more from the singer, don’t fear, because his man may very well just be one of the most interesting individuals in all of Teyvat.
Registered as a human in his records, but with the ability to fly? In all my days as a reporter, I’ve never seen such a phenomenon. Here’s what the people have to say.
— “It must be the power of love!”
— “Is he a fae?! Vodyanitsa must have been courting him in secret for hundreds of years!”
— “Did no one notice that strange pattern in his hair? Pretty weird.”
— “You guys are overthinking this, if he really is a nerd, then he can somehow create flying technology too… right?”
— “He has a stellar linchpin! Maybe he’s a guardian angel set from the heavens to protect Miss Vodyanitsa!”
If you ask me, I believe we’ll get an answer very soon. But for now, this is Sneznograd Times, signing out!
“Stellar linchpins don’t work like that!” Mitya argued with the newspaper. “And I’m not a— forget it.”
“You’re not a what?” Alyosha was a little curious himself. He could always tell there was something weird about Mitya, something a little inhuman, but he could never pinpoint it. “A fae? Angel? Alien?”
Mitya and his scarf froze. “Well—”
“Mitya!!!” Vodyanitsa ran out of her quarters and practically jumped at the scientist, wrapping him in a warm hug before kissing his cheek. “Hey, what’s that?”
“You haven’t seen it yet?” Mitya handed the newspaper to his girlfriend (it was still so weird referring to her as that… then again, they had just started dating less than 24 hours ago.) “They made everything sound so stupid!”
“Oh, I’ve seen this one already.” Vodyanitsa rolled her eyes at the paper. “I still can’t believe they thought you used a love potion on me.” She quickly ran from her room and back, holding another newspaper in hand. “Have you read this one yet?”
“Bring Out the Kvass— oh no.” Mitya already prepared himself for whatever the front cover of Mironova’s monstrosity looked like.
BRING OUT THE KVASS!
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MITYANITSA, COUPLE OF THE CENTURY!
Move over Kavetham, hello Mityanitsa! That’s right! Snezhnaya’s got our very own celebrity power couple, and they just might be the cutest thing the public has ever seen!
Yesterday, the people of Snezhnaya got to see the next romance story in the making! Mark my words, this story’s gonna be told for generations, and for good reason! It’s not every day you see a beautiful Snowland Fae taking flight in the sky with her mysterious, angelic, scientist boyfriend! Of course, we’re not here to talk about what Mr. Mitya’s true ancestry really is. Instead, we’re here to talk about them and their relationship. And here at ‘Bring Out the Kvass!’, we’re here to answer YOUR questions.
How long have they been in love?
Great question! If you ask me, judging by their behavior together, and the fact that I haven’t seen both of them together in public often, I’d say this is a recent development. But just because this is a young, blossoming love, doesn’t mean it’s a small fling. I mean, DO MOST PEOPLE FLY THEIR RECENTLY ACQUIRED GIRLFRIENDS INTO THE AIR LIKE THAT?!
I think not. Clearly, Vodyanitsa managed to get herself a true gentleman.
Who is Mitya?
Sorry, but if any of you wanted to get your hands on this adorkable nerd, it looks like he’s taken! Not like he was a very well-known figure to the public beforehand. While at the scene, I managed to get some information out of Mr. Mitya’s personal bodyguard, Major Valeriy, hailing from the Armory Palace.
Mironova: “So, tell me about Mr. Mitya.”
Valeriy: “He works at the Armory Palace as part of the Royal Energy Commission.”
Mironova: “What’s he working on there?”
Valeriy: “I’m afraid I cannot disclose that to you.”
Mironova: “Anything else you could tell?”
Valeriy: “He’s one of the smartest researchers and scientists we have. But he talks too much.”
Mironova: “Thank you for your input! And, while I have the chance, might I ask if you have any personal relationships with–”
Valeriy: “We’re done.”
Don’t worry folks, this Tuesday, I’ll be writing an article all about Major Valeriy!
Why are they perfect for each other?
It’s obvious! While unexpected, in hindsight, it makes perfect sense! Who would blame Miss Vodyanitsa for crushing on the heartthrob that is Mr. Mitya? And why wouldn’t Mr. Mitya want to listen to such beautiful music every day when he wakes up in the morning to the love of his life?
Besides the obvious fact that they look good together, it’s worth it to mention that their personalities match as well! It’s a classic case of fan/idol, with a little friendly history behind their backs as well. Of course, while I’d love to give you all a full astrological overview of their star signs, we unfortunately do not have information on Mr. Mitya’s birth date yet. STAY TUNED!
DO I STILL HAVE A CHANCE WITH MISS VODYANITSA?
Who knows? Only time will tell.
Although, I do have to say I do enjoy seeing these two together, so I am sorry dear reader, but I hope you don’t have a chance. Mityanitsa’s just too good. And with that, this has been Mironova of ‘Bring Out the Kvass!’
A/N: If you do happen to see the flying scientist and soprano and have a Kamera on hand, please send those pictures to us.
Mitya could feel his cheeks heating up before turning to face Vodyanitsa. “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”
“You should be lucky!” Vodyanitsa booped Mitya’s nose. “Mironova’s articles are usually ten times worse than this! And she was pretty accurate this time! You are an adorkable nerd.”
Mitya instantly buried his face into the newspaper, trying to find anything else in there which was not about them. “...Alyosha?”
“What now, Mr. Hearttrob?” Alyosha laughed before he turned his attention to the newspaper, looking at it with pure shock and terror in his eyes. “I hate this.”
“Ooh, lemme see!” Vodyanitsa brought the article (and Mitya) closer to her. “WHAT?! I NEVER READ THIS BIT!”
“And, we don’t have to!” Alyosha looked like he was about to shred the newspaper.
“NO! GIMME!” Vodyanitsa grabbed the newspaper. “I want to save this. It has so many pictures of us! And I want to read your article.”
“Dammit.”
THE ICE QUEEN AND THE HUNTER: WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED?!
If you read the front cover article, then surely, you know all about Mityanitsa, but surely no one expected Miss Odette to have a secret lover of her own.
“WHAT?!” Vodyanitsa exclaimed, then looked around the stage. “ODETTE!!!”
“Yes?” Odette glanced at the newspaper and smiled. “Oh, so you found Alyosha’s article.”
“YOU TWO.” Vodyanitsa pushed both of them together. “...I SEE IT. SINCE WHEN?!”
“Since never!” Alyosha clenched his fists. “I’ve been trying to tell you!”
“I dunno.” Vodyanitsa walked around the two of them. “My instincts never lie.”
“Oh, really?” Alyosha looked unconvinced.
“Yeah, really!” Vodyanitsa pointed right at Mitya. “I knew from the moment I saw Mitya that he was in love with me.”
“I–WHAT?!” Mitya squeaked, dropping the newspaper.
“It’s true! You always came to my performances, and my instincts knew it was because you wanted to secretly admire my beautiful voice, but you never looked me in the eye because you were too scared. And let’s not forget how enthusiastic you were to come and meet me backstage for the first time!” Vodyanitsa was very proud of her thinking. “I was totally confident.”
“Yesterday, you were panicking because you thought he liked Odette.” Alyosha deadpanned.
“You thought I liked Odette?!” Mitya looked extremely confused as the scarf pointed at Odette, who did not look impressed. “N-No offense!”
“None taken.” Odette smiled. “But the fact that Vodyanitsa was jealous–”
“That’s not the point!” Vodyanitsa wrapped her arms around her boyfriend. “The point is, I was right! See, look at him! He’s blushing!”
Mitya was, in fact, blushing. The scarf looked like it aged fifty years.
“Why don’t we read what Mironova had to say?” Odette picked up the dropped newspaper. “I’ve been waiting to see the result.”
“What do you have against me?” Alyosha glared at Odette, who was flipping back to the page about herself and the hunter.
“Nothing.” Odette blinked. “That’s why I bother you.”
“You are a menace.” Alyosha muttered, pulling his hood over his head in a vain attempt to disappear into his own coat.
“A menace with a very flattering feature on page six.” Odette corrected. She cleared her throat, holding the newspaper out dramatically. “Let’s see what Miss Mironova has deduced about our tragic, forbidden romance.”
“Don’t read it out loud.” Alyosha begged.
Odette completely ignored that.
Who is Odette’s secret lover?
As many know, Miss Odette is no ordinary woman. The picture of perfection to the public obviously needs something different to escape her worries. And that, dear readers, is none other than a mysterious, hooded hunter, who goes by the name Alyosha.
Not much is known about this untamed man, but I, the great Mironova, was right at the scene of a very romantic interaction between the two of them.
Mironova: “Mr. Alyosha, please tell us more about yourself!”
Alyosha: “I’m a hunter.”
Odette: “He works backstage with me sometimes.”
Alyosha: “Don’t give them too much information.”
Odette: “I don’t see the harm.”
Alyosha: “The press is going to hunt us like prey.”
Odette: “Well, you’re a hunter, aren’t you? I’m sure you can dispose of them, if necesary.”
Alyosha: [face turns red] “...That’s not how it works.”
Mironova: “Fascinating… Very interesting.”
Earlier in the day, I had spotted both of them hiding themselves with newspapers near Podvorye Restaurant. I had asked Mr. Alyosha about this. His response?
Alyosha: “No comment.”
Clearly, he’s hiding something. But perhaps the most damning evidence of all occurred when I asked Miss Odette about her relationship with the mysterious hunter.
Mironova: “Miss Odette, would you say that Mr. Alyosha is someone you trust?”
Odette: “Yes, I would say so.”
Mironova: “And would you say you have a special bond?”
Odette: “I suppose.”
Alyosha: “Odette.”
Odette: “What?”
Alyosha: “Stop answering her questions.”
Odette: “Why?”
Alyosha: “It’s a trap. She’s trying to make us sound like a couple.”
Odette: “And you’re a hunter. Hunters should be able to escape traps.”
Alyosha: “[incoherent grumbling noises] You’re taking it out of context.”
Odette: “Am I though?”
Mironova: “Now this is news.”
Alyosha: “What are you writing?”
Mironova: “Only the greatest enemies-to-lovers story to ever exist.”
Alyosha: “WE’RE NOT ENEMIES!”
Odette: “You seem to feel very strongly about that.”
Mironova: “Are you trying to imply that you are… more than friends?”
Odette: “Perhaps.”
Alyosha: “Don’t help her!”
And then, just another small exchange I found very entertaining.
Mironova: “Miss Odette, what do you think of Mr. Alyosha’s appearance?”
Odette: [pauses] “He looks pleasing to the eyes.”
Alyosha: [coughs violently]
Odette: “What?”
Alyosha: “Nothing.”
Mironova: “And what do you have to say about Miss Odette, Mr. Alyosha?”
Alyosha: “She looks fine.”
Odette: “You said I looked beautiful yesterday.”
Alyosha: [coughs violently again] “I said your performance was beautiful.”
Odette: “Yes, but before that, Vodyanitsa asked about both our appearances, and you said we looked beautiful.”
Mironova: “Ooh, a love triangle?”
Odette: “No. I already told you, Miss Vodyanitsa and Mr. Mitya are perfectly suited for each other. Mr. Alyosha is simply… an odd fellow.”
Alyosha: “Gee, thanks.”
I rest my case. I believe this is more than enough information for readers as clever as you all to figure out the true story behind these two. And if you need more proof, join me today as I visit the pair to get the latest scoop.
Let me just end my statement by saying, perhaps the hunter has been caught in his own trap.
“...It was not my own trap!” Alyosha looked like he was about to break something, before pointing at Odette. “She made it!”
“Poor little hunter… stuck in a trap.” Odette tisked. “How sad.”
Mitya took the newspaper and quickly reread it. “This article is starting to sound a lot less ridiculous than before.”
“See!” Vodyanitsa looked like she just won the lottery. “If my brainiac agrees, then it’s got to be true!”
“I never said that!” Mitya raised his hands up in defense. “I said it sounds less untrue!”
“Same thing!”
Alyosha marched to the exit. “I am leaving.”
“I’m afraid that won’t be possible.” Valeriy blocked Alyosha from moving any further, then faced the group of four. “The press is here. And the fans. They’ve come for the interview.”
“Oh yeah.” Mitya pointed at a sentence in the article. “Mironova did say she was going to interview us.” The scientist froze. “Wait a minute. That means… oh no.”
“I assume you realized what that means?” Valeriy looked at Mitya with a pointed stare.
Mitya gulped. “Yes.”
“Now?!” Vodyanitsa ran back to her room and handed Mitya a brush. “Comb my hair for me.”
“What?!” Mitya almost dropped the comb before using it and carefully brushing out the tangles from the Prima Soprano’s hair.
“Make sure it looks nice.” Vodyanitsa smiled to herself. “I want to make a good impression.”
“You’re worried about that?” Mitya moved her bangs slightly. “You’ll be fine. If anything, all we have to worry about is if I speak too much.”
Alyosha stared at the domestic scene unfolding in front of him, then looked at the terrifyingly calm ballerina beside him, and finally turned back to the Fatui Major guarding the only exit.
“Major Valeriy,” Alyosha pleaded, his voice completely deadpan. “Is it too late to turn myself in for a crime? Any crime. I will confess to treason if it gets me out of this room.”
“I’m afraid the Fatui won’t take being guilty of embarrassing yourself as an acceptable crime.” Valeriy patted Alyosha’s shoulder. “Good luck. Mironova already interviewed me once on the way here.” The muffled, deafening sound of a hundred Kameras waiting on the other side echoed through the wood. “May the Tsaritsa have mercy on us all.”
“I hate newspapers.”
“I think they’re entertaining.” Odette calmly adjusted her hair.
“Because you keep using them as a public outlet to embarrass me!” Alyosha lifted up his hood over his head.
“What makes you say that?”
“Why else would you do that?!”
“You should figure that out yourself.” Odette walked up to the entrance, greeting the reporters in.
“Huh?” Alyosha shook his head. “What’s she on about?”
“There. Done.” Mitya handed the brush back to Vodyanitsa, before observing Alyosha and Odette’s interaction. He whispered into her ear. “I think I’m starting to believe you…”
“YES!”