Chapter Text
“I'm begging you. Go. Home.”
Belphegor was positive that if she had had a skeletal body, she would have split her skull open long ago, banging her head against the desk table. Today was supposed to have been a simple day, an easy day, where all she needed to do was give a Hellhound a fancy hand and make sure a Sinner wasn't going to break her stitches apart. And what happens?
Family, that's what!
Now Belphegor loved her found family. They were, despite their many flaws, good and kind beings. But the drama and chaos they could bring was something she honestly could do without. And whether it was because she was a healer or because she tended to be passive, they all felt the need to share their woes with her.
Was it too late to ask to be sent to the void?
“Mff's nod fair,” Bee sniffled, cramming one sweet bun after another. “'m 'er a'nt!”
“Yes, yes. Poor you,” Belphegor answered as she gave Bee a half-hearted pat on the shoulder. “Don't talk with food in your mouth. You'll choke.”
How many times had she had to go through this song and dance with Beelzebub now? Six... seven hundred times? From the moment Bee had matured from a little kit to a young... whatever she was, both Bel and Lilith had often had to comfort the emotional Sin through every disappointment or heartbreak that came her way. Bel knew it wasn't exactly Bee's fault. She figured it was probably some form of byproduct from feeding off others' emotions that caused the vixen to react so strongly when she was upset.
But why the fuck did she have to have an emotional breakdown in her office of all places?
“It's not fair!”
“So you keep saying...”
Where was Ozzie or Lilith when she needed them?
Belphegor didn't really get the whole deal about whose name came first when it came to Charlie. Communication was a natural development all children reached at some point, and so far Charlie was hitting her milestones at the right times. Maybe it was the healer in her, but for Bel, what was important was how Charlie was developing and how her health was. Of course, she wanted her to say her name was well, but like Satan, she didn't think that being the first meant she was somehow miraculously their niece's favorite. In fact, she was fairly sure it was just a matter of Charlie finding the sounds fun to say and reacting to everyone around her.
And speaking of Charlie, since she was here, maybe a checkup wasn't a bad idea.
It at least gave her an excuse to aban-give! She meant give Beelzebub a bit of privacy to collect herself.
* * * Hazbin Hotel * * *
“Come on, Char-Char. You can do it. Say Dada.”
For all his pleading, Lucifer was rewarded with a mischievous giggle as Charlie shook her head 'no'. It was starting to dawn on him that this had become a game somehow. That or Heaven had devised a new way to torment him via his own blood. The moment he tried to pressure her to say his name, Charlie seemed to take it as a challenge to see how long she could avoid saying anything at all to him. Which he supposed was fine and all since she was having fun. Why, why did it have to be him?!?
“Please, Starfire? Just once?” Lucifer pleaded, lying down on the ground as Charlie sat chewing on the stuffie's horn. “Please? Pretty please?”
His pleading went unanswered. Instead, Charlie let loose a string of babbles as she shook the doll, nearly smacking him in the face with it. Lucifer sighed in defeat. Logically, he knew that when she was ready, Charlie would smile at him and say those magical words he so desperately wanted to hear. It just... hurt a little that she was saying everyone else's name first. He was her daddy after all. He was the one who had been there those sleepless nights, for the feedings, the first crawl...
His head still hurt whenever he looked at that damn lamp, but Lilith refused to let him throw it away.
“Come on, Charlie. Just one time? Please?” Lucifer tried again, smiling as he twirled his fingers in the air as little sparks of gold glittered between them. “If you do, old Dads will show you a neat magic trick. Huh? One with lots of razzle-dazzle.”
Okay, so he was resorting to bribing her to get what he wanted, but could anyone blame him? He really wanted to hear her say 'Dada' just as she had pleased Lilith with 'Mama'.
And it wasn't like anyone was here to stop him either...
“Daz?”
Lucifer perked up, his eyes widening like saucers as Charlie mimicked the word. The pair looked at each other in silence, Lucifer holding his breath as Charlie seemed to muse over the word, rolling it on her tongue with care as if she was testing it out in her mind as to whether or not she liked it. Had she done it? Had she actually said 'Dad' after all the pleading he had done? Was it actually happening?!
“That's right, Char-Char,” Lucifer urged on, his eyes brimming with hope. “I'm Dada. Say Dada-”
“Da-z,” Charlie repeated a second time before smiling brightly. “Daz!”
* * * Hazbin Hotel * * *
The first thing Belphegor heard as she neared her office was a high-pitched squeal along with a voice cheering with joy that was loud enough to make her dust-based body shudder. The few healers who were passing her in the hallway froze for a second in horror as the Lord of Sloth's form shifted like static, her neon eyes twitching in pain as she entered her office. Once there, Bel glared at the fallen angel and his offspring cheering loudly like they had won something.
If she was to guess, it was her peace because Belphegor sure as hell didn't have it.
“Bel, listen! Charlie said it! She called me Dada!” Lucifer looked over the moon, His scarlet eyes sparkling with pride and joy as he practically thrust Charlie into her face. The eldritch being barely had time to disperse her body to prevent slamming her head into the toddler as she floated a little away from the pair. Not that Lucifer cared, spinning his little girl around like a merry-go-round gone mad. “Charlie said Dada!”
“If she pukes in here, Lu, so help me Mantorok, you're cleaning it up.” Belphegor quickly warned, keeping her distance from the pair.
While she had never been a victim of it, Belphegor had witnessed the vile concoctions that only infants and 'sensitive stomachs' could produce, and she had no wish to end that track record any time soon. Still, she closed the door to give them all some privacy, silently summoning two of her Dream Walkers to guard the door. Sant An hospital rarely had any pests, but Belphegor knew better than to assume that no rats or likewise vermin were lurking about her pristine corridors.
“Daz!”
Belphegor's ears perked as she heard Charlie's call, the word tickling her non-existent ear with curiosity as she watched Lucifer practically melt with joy all over again. If he got any happier, Belphegor was certain the Morningstar would go supernova in her ring. Still, there was something strange about that word, this 'Daz' as their little Firefly called out. Now, to be fair, Belphegor didn't exactly enjoy being around children on average, current company excluded, of course, but as a healer she had heard her fair share of ways a babe might try to call their father. 'Dada' was the classic one, along with 'Papa' or 'poppa' or 'dadee'. But Daz? That was a new one.
“Daz! Daz!”
“That's right, Charlie. Dad. I'm Dad.”
Lucifer twirled about with joy as he hugged Charlie close, her eyes practically spinning from how dizzy he was making her. Not that it stopped her from grinning from ear to ear.
… or reaching for her stuffed toy...
Maybe it was the scholar in her that made her do it. Maybe it was Balphegor's natural curiosity to try and understand the unknown and enigmatic that would waltz into her life, sparking her curiosity if only for a minute. Or maybe it was a bit of revenge for having to deal with everyone's melodrama, but Belphegor couldn't help herself as she gently picked the toy up.
“Hey, Charlie?” With an almost wicked grin, Belphegor gently interrupted the pair. Once she had their attention, Bel wiggled the toy softly in her hand with an 'innocent' smile on her face. “Who's this?”
* * * Hazbin Hotel * * *
'Me and my big fucking mouth.'
Glancing at the weeping angel on her floor, Belphegor wished she could turn back time and kick her own moronic can't-mind-her-own-business ass from meddling. She just had to do it. Had to poke the proverbial broken bone, and she had done it with the finesse of a sledgehammer mending crystal glasses. She had done the math, of course, thought about the risk and weighted the pros and cons of testing her little theory, and the numbers had added up.
Now if she had only recalled that she was absolutely dumb as shit when it came to mathematics.
“Daz. Daz. Daz,” Charlie happily chatted as she made her doll dance before her, the blank button eyes smirking almost mockingly at both adults in the room.
“If I say sorry, will you stop?” Bel groaned almost pleadingly, praying to whatever higher powers that might be, that Lucifer would stop crying soon. If he didn't, the tears were going to warp her wooden boards.
“It was the doll.” A whimpered sniffle uttered from the floor. “Why did it have to be the doll?”
'Sins of the Ancients...'
Belphegor cursed while Charlie gave her father a few 'there, there' pats on the head. At least Belphegor didn't need to fake her sympathy over Lucifer's plight; empathy wasn't exactly her thing, especially since she could never be a mother herself. A womb or breath of life was needed for that which the Lord of Sloth lacked both of. Not that she minded in the least. Parents always seemed to be exhausted and stressed, and children were clearly unpredictable. Just the thought of them was exhausting. No, it was much better being an aunt, showing up with gifts and treats, cuddling whenever she wanted before thrusting her niece right back into her waiting parents' hands and absconding like a whisper on the wind.
“You're not going to stop crying, are you?” Belphegor groaned as she floated over Lucifer's weeping form, only to be met with a sour pout and a ‘bird’ to the face. “Charming... well, you can't be that broken up about it all if your one-bird salute is fine...”
With an ethereal grace granted only by her sand-based body, Belphegor gently picked Charlie and 'Daz' up from their spot on the floor. Once her niece was safely in her hold, Belphegor unceremoniously grasped Lucifer's leg and proceeded to drag him beneath her as they headed out the door. Because of all the recent drama, Bel's schedule was completely off. She should have been asleep hours ago instead of dealing with upset Sins and angels and hyper nieces.
Well, hyper to her anyway. To anyone else, Charlie was happily babbling to Daz again, showing it her aunt's tail.
As for Lucifer, apparently he was too upset to notice or just didn't care that he was being dragged around like a sad excuse for a mop, leaving a river of tears in his wake. Not that Belphegor cared; she wasn't the poor soul who had to clean it up. Nor did anyone dare to comment on the odd sight, the staff knowing better than to bother her.
“Where are we going?”
Lucifre mumbled between sniffles, pouting at the Sin as he yanked his hat tightly around his head. He debated for a minute on whether or not he should demand Bel let him go so he could walk or just remain dragged about like a sack of unwashed laundry.
“To the cafeteria,” Bel answered, trying to sound apathetic. She was doing a poor job at it since her attention was half focused on entertaining Charlie by making her little friend 'Daz' dance before her. Charlie seemed to love it, though she did let out a few loud sniffs from dust. “It's almost lunchtime, and unlike you, apparently, I do recall what fucking menaces hungry hellborns can get.”
“Are you calling Charlie a menace?!? How dare you-”
For a second, Belphegor felt her face disappear with the swat of an angelic wing, her body stiffening as she focused all her energy on maintaining her hold of the pair before shooting Lucifer a warning glare. She was pleased, however, that in his little tantrum outburst, Lucifer had finally stopped crying on her freshly washed and waxed floors.
“I was referring to Damien when he was little,” Belphegor muttered, urging Lucifer to stand up and take his daughter back. She wasn't going to risk dropping her little Firefly if his Majesty accidentally disrupted her form again. “The staff who had to deal with it are still on sick leave due to trauma. Now stop crying. The floor will get slippery.”
Floating on, Belphegor gave a lazy gesture of greeting as a healer came rushing by, their arms filled with medical scrolls and reports. The healer gave them a half-hearted greeting, butchering Belphegor's name with a muddled 'Greetings Lord Belphegor' that came out as a 'Get sendings Lord Belch and gore'. It made her eye twitch for a second in irritation, debating whether or not to reprimand them when-
“WHAT THE-FUUUU-”
She didn't need to look behind her to see what had happened. Just picturing the unfortunate creature's hoofed foot stepping onto the small river of Lucifer's tears, Belphegor was certain the healer had been sent flying about a foot or two, going feet-over-head, crashing to the ground in a rain of paper surrounding them like cosmic karma as they groaned loudly in pain.
“Err should we...?” Lucifer asked nervously, looking back at the poor demon who was now lying flat on his back, his pointed, goat-like horns embedded into the floor at an unnatural angle. Had they been human, their neck would have been broken from its unnatural angle.
“Not my job or problem,” Belphegor yawned as her tail wrapped behind Lucifer's back, gently pushing him to follow her. “Some imp will clean it up later... maybe.”
“Maybe?”
“Fuck if I know.”
* * * Hazbin Hotel * * *
To say Charlie was excited would have been an understatement.
Usually, whenever they visited Auntie Bel, all she got to see was either her office or a doctor's room. But today she got to see Doggyman, Ms. Tabby, and Auntie Bee before finally discovering a massive room filled with food and people. Auntie Bel had called it a 'calf o tear ear,' and it seemed to house many tables and people with tons of food. Most of Hellborn around her looked a little sad, though, like Ms. Tabby did whenever Doggyman said something weird. Or Ozzie when the big funny uncle opened his mouth.
Chewing on her fingers a little, Charlie wondered if they were sad because they were hungry too. After all, that's how she felt when her food took too long, which it often did when Daddy was talking with others. Thankfully, that wasn't the case today, as Daddy just waved a finger in the air calmly and summoned a huge metal plate with lots of dents in it where other little plates were put in with food on. Most of it looked okay; there was porridge, sandwiches, and fruit, but some of the stuff looked questionable to the little girl's mind. Like the plate of mushed green stuff. It looked suspiciously like the 'spin itch' Ms. Tabby would try and get her to eat. However, there were things she liked too, like apples and waffles and ice cream! Charlie loved ice cream!
And what a lovely bowl of ice cream it was. Standing about three scoops high and pure white, Charlie was convinced that it had to be the best-tasting ice cream she had ever seen. She didn't get it often, after all; they were in Hell. In fact, she wasn't meant to have tasted it yet if it hadn't been for Auntie Bee sneaking her a piece as a treat. After that, she had mostly gotten a bite when Daddy didn't want his dessert. Daddy was always good at sharing ice cream, though he did tend to put it too far away sometimes on the table so that she would struggle to get it.
“Ah, no, no, Char Char,” Before she could stop him, Daddy had the unholy audacity to move the bowl farther away from her! Char let out a little growl of disapproval, manifesting her tail to wrap it tightly around Daddy's arm to stop him. Well, as tightly as a baby could. “Charlie, you need to eat something healthy first. Mommy will get mad at Daddy if you don't. Ice cream is for later.”
“Mama?” Looking around, Charlie tried to spot her mother, only to frown a little at Lucifer. Why was he talking about Mommy now? She couldn't see her, and Mommy was impossible to miss. “Ah ah, Mama.”
Either Daddy didn't understand her or he was playing dumb, but rather than answering her or retrieving the bowl for her, Daddy nimbly scooped up a spoon of the strange green stuff and held it up for her to eat. Charlie looked skeptically at it, convinced the slop was oozing on the spoon with slow, lazy bubbles.
* * * Hazbin Hotel * * *
*SPLAT!*
Without any warning, Charlie's small hands smacked the spoon away, sending the... 'mash?' flying, splatting onto the wall near them.
Lucifer just sat frozen, staring at his hand that once held the spoon while Charlie glared at him as hard as she could. Somehow he felt he should have foreseen this, recalling how happy she had been when he and Lilith had tried to feed her cold mashed peas. The last thing he needed was an encore of that mess here in Belphegor's hospital.
“Charlie, we don't throw food,” He lightly scolded, slowly scooping up another spoonful before trying to feed it to her again. Charlie instantly sealed her lips and pushed his hand away. “Charlie, it's yummy-” 'I think.' “-Just try it. Watch.”
Lucifer stared pensively at the green goop that seemed to ooze off the spoon like a slug. He had seen and experienced many culinary experiments and disasters, tasted foods that no living or dead mortal could fathom nor should, and yet... he was certain that whatever this stuff was, even the Void would reject.
Still, he needed to lead by example, right?
Whatever the concoction was, the flavor and texture were unlike anything Lucifer had suffered in his immortal life. Horrifyingly, Lucifer had to marvel at the cook's unique talent to make something taste both slimy and yet gritty like gravel with a bit of garbage juice. Even more so, to create something worse than Leviathan's eldritch cooking.
If he had to choose between this and repeating the whole punishment of the Fall, Lucifer would be more than happy to haul himself off Heaven's peak if it meant the mash would never see the light of day again.
“Bel?” He asked tentatively, his mouth drier than the Sahara as the taste refused to mellow. It left him debating whether or not the slop had conjured an eye from its depths to stare at him. “What... is this... stuff?”
With a mildly sedated expression, Belphegor slowly cocked her head to the side and peered perplexed at the tray as she had never seen one before in her life.
“... I...” She started to say before a yawn tugged firmly on her jaw, making the maw widen into a massive green void that left a few curious onlookers either paling in horror or lewdly blushing.
Had she had bones in her body, Lucifer was fairly certain her jaw would have been akin to a snake's, two mandibles connected by a long, stretchy ligament. Thinking back on it, Lucifer had to wonder who had inspired the idea of giving the snakes a 'walking jaw'. Had it been Adam? No, his creativity had always been based on things he knew, same with Lilith. Michael maybe? No, he would have scoffed at the ridiculousness of it all. Maybe Gabriel?... yeah, it was most likely Gabriel with his constant blabbering.
“... have no fucking clue.” Balphegor's sleepy voice cut through Lucifer's musing, his attention snapping back to the here and now. The Sin carefully poked the mash with a new spoon as if she was expecting it to sprout legs and run away.
“Wait, what do you mean by that?” Lucifer frowned as he watched Bel try to carve a pattern into the congealed mess, trying being the key word. If he wasn't mistaken, the spoon seemed to be bending with every 'swirl' Bel was making. “Do you, I don't know, test it?”
The moment Lucifer had said that, he instantly regretted it. He didn't even need to look at Belphegor's dead-panned eyes to hear the silent shout, 'Did you fucking just?' as she stared at him.
She was the Baku, the Eater of dreams. Her very being was made of the wishes of mortal hearts, fears of the mind, blood, dust, and the sands of time. She didn't eat normal food; she couldn't even taste it. Even during dinner parties, Belphegor would just sit nicely and push food about on a plate to give the illusion of eating because just sitting there unnerved everyone with some strange form of peer pressure. So it was only a given that while it was her hospital, Belphegor probably knew as much about the cafeteria food as a human infant did radiation.
“Hey, you there. The one with the big ears and face that's been hit by a door one too many times,” Waving a lathorgic hand in the air, Belphegor wrapped her tail almost threateningly around a Hellhound's neck, yanking the poor pug like Hellborn over with a yelp. The poor creature looked utterly confused as his face was dragged barely an inch over the food. “Identify what this is.”
Lucifer watched with worry as the pug struggled in Bel's chokehold, or at least he assumed it was a chokehold from his ragged, raspy breathing. Lucifer had seen a lot of different Hellhounds over the centuries, from the feral lupin originals to the more recent newance breeds like the yappy Pomeranians humans seemed fond of. But by his holy father, this poor creature had certainly hit every ugly branch of the genetics tree on the way down. Its eyes were not only bulbous compared to its head, but it seemed neither of them could agree on which direction to look. And its underbite nor enormous lulling tongue certainly wasn't helping in giving it the illusion of any of the lights being on upstairs.
If Mammon ever stood next to the dim-witted pup, his IQ would certainly raise with maybe ten points by default.
“Ehh?” The pug tried to focus its eyes on the plate, its eyes swirling around like a lizard desperately but failing.
Belphegor's eye twitched for a second before she flashed the dog a cold, predatory smile.
“I asked what the fuck this is?” Her tone was low, void of any warmth, and her smile was barely trying to fake it at him as her tail slowly forced his nose closer to the dish. Lucifer started to wonder if she was going to make him taste it or smother him in the green goo, or maybe even both.
The pug looked nervously as he struggled to gulp down mouthfuls of air, his every breath coming out raspy and congested.
“I-it's the Green stuff.”
Both Sins paused for a minute, their faces filled with confusion as the Hellhound tried to stand up normally again as he fought against the tail around his neck. Lucifer had never heard of 'The Green stuff'; hell, it didn't sound like a real food. And he should know; he had seen some of the first meals Eve had cooked from a distance.
And judging by Adam's groans of pain, it was probably a good thing none of them were ever written down.
“And what, in the name of all creation, is... the Green Stuff?” Belphegor drawled slowly, her tail tightening a little around the pug to answer her properly. She didn't have the energy for twenty questions on the best of day, and she certainly didn't have it now.
“Errr....,” Giving it a careful sniff that sounded more like his sinuses were stuffed, the Hellhound thought for a moment as he tried to pick out the ingredients before adding. “Tomatoes, mackerel, kale and... blue cheese... I think. Could be garum.”
There was a long pause of silence as the Sins stared at the concoction posing as food before them. The pug carefully wiggled free from Belphegor's grasp, wincing a little as he rubbed his now sore neck, as Lucifer carefully poked the green mash as if he was expecting it to suddenly jump.
“And... how exactly is this made?”
“It's all boiled together. To save time, I think.”
Lucifer visibly flinched as a bubble slowly make it's way to the surface of the green glob. It struggled slowly beneath the surface, almost writhing, before the outer membrane finally broke with a painfully slow and loud 'pop.
Before any of them could so much as whisper another word, Charlie managed to sum up everyone's opinion of St. An's all-inclusive healthy meal.
“Eeeew.”
* * * Hazbin Hotel * * *
Lucifer wasn't feeding his baby girl anything unhealthy. He was a good father after all. He knew his little girl needed nutritious food to help her body grow, supposedly. Truthfully, it was hard to say since there had never been anything like her before, as far as he knew. But he had read scrolls and books, observed hellborn families with their young, along with a few mortal families, the moment he had felt the little flicker of magic gently embraces his in Lilith's womb.
Sure, he might not have asked permission from said families, but that hardly mattered, right? It wasn't creepy if it was educational, right? Right?
Anyways, he certainly had the whole 'nutritious foods' down like a pro, having heard Ms. Tabiggras-what's-her-name's lecture about the importance of proteins, fat, and carbohydrates. Hell, Lucifer was certain he could recite her lecture word for word in his sleep.
“Meat is important for strength, Your Majesty.” Tabitha's voice softly echoed in his head. “And bread is an essential staple for all meals. Puddings are fine as well in moderation. Ms. Charlotte is a princess after all, not of the working class-”
Lucifer still wasn't exactly sure what she had meant by that back then, and if he was going by the long blank stare Flare was giving, neither did the Hellhound. Mortals were such strange creatures sometimes, and by that logic, so were Sinners by default.
“Are you certain that's better for her?”
Lucifer shot the bemused Dream Eater. He wasn't going to fall for it. He wasn't going to argue with her about what he fed Charlie when her diet consisted of others' dreams and life essence.
“There's nothing wrong with what I'm giving her,” Lucifer huffed stiffly, flicking the fork elegantly in his hand before using it to cut off a soft piece for Charlie to eat. “It has everything she needs. Milk, eggs, bread-”
“Be that as it may, I hardly think cake is an appropriate food for lunch,” Bel snorted before swiping the fancy confection away from the pair. She then paused for a second before sniffing the cake carefully and gagging. “By the Ancient One's blight, did you drown it in syrup?!?”
* * * Hazbin Hotel * * *
Charlie pouted as she watched Daddy and Auntie Bel arguing with each other, the precious cake getting jerked between them as Daddy tried to get it back. Normally she loved a good game of 'Keep Away ', but not when she was hungry. And certainly not when it involved cake!
And what a piece of cake it was too!
Standing nearly as tall as her head, Charlie marveled at the moist sponge cake surrounded by fluffy white frosting and a layer of fondant so pink, you could taste the color just by looking at it. That, and its presence alone in the cafeteria, was causing everyone within a mile radius to have a massive spike in blood sugar levels.
It was just so damn perfect. It needed to be eaten. It had to be eaten. Just looking at it, confectionery splendor was enough for Charlie to hear its sweet, angelic, not to mention near-identical to her own, voice pleading with her to devour it, so how could Charlie not answer its plea?
Though it would be easier if Auntie Bel stopped yanking it away from her grasp!
While the two adults squabbled like children over a toy, Charlie desperately reached for the plate that danced just beyond her fingertips. Thrice she had nearly had too only to feel her tiny claws scrape against the porcelain rim. So when she nearly tipped the plate over, only for Belphegor's tail to yank it out of reach and way above her head, Charlie was officially over their nonsense. She tried to get their attention, letting out several “Mmm!” and “Ahh!”s, but Daddy and Auntie Bel just seemed obsessed with keeping the now very crappy game of 'Keep Away' going.
Honestly, where were Ms. Tabby and Doggyman when she needed them? Not that Ms. Tabby would probably help, but Doggyman might.
Charlie knew she needed to get their attention, but how?
Softly growling, Charlie raked her brain to figure out how to solve her little problem. Yelling hadn't helped. Auntie Bel just ignored her, and Daddy would just pet her hair or bounce her to calm her down. Grabbing it wasn't working either; she had tried that and crying...well, she didn't want to try that as Daddy might think she needed a nap, which Charlie certainly didn't need anymore. She only napped because everyone else was using dirty tricks.
Though, now when she thought about it, Mommy had reacted pretty well to 'Mama'. And Auntie Bel always seemed to give Daddy attention when he called her 'Bel fee door'. Maybe, if she did that too, Auntie Bel would stop trying to hog the cake for herself? But 'Bel fee door' was such a hard name to say and so long, too. What if she...
* * * Hazbin Hotel * * *
For once in her seemingly endless life, Belphegor wasn't going to budge on whether or not Lucifer was going to give her sweet niece the sugary monstrosity. Sure, her knowledge was a little limited when it came to angels and their metabolisms, but he highly doubted that consuming five times one's weight was healthy for anyone. Especially not a baby of Charlie's size.
It certainly hadn't been for Damien when he had gotten into Bee's sweet stash. The kid was practically levitating off the walls with all the energy he had, and according to Satan, his governess had struggled until daybreak to take and get the boy to sleep. The aftermath had not been pretty, and Belphegor did not want to deal with an enraged Lilith again any time soon.
But first she needed to convince Lucifer that cake was not an acceptable meal option for lunchtime. Or any other mealtime at that.
“Lulu, think about it,” Belphegor tried to reason. “Do you want to rot her teeth before they're done coming out? Cause I'm telling you, if Lilith gets pissed, it's your-”
“Bee-zuh, naa!”
For a moment, all of Soth stood still as the tiny voice echoed off the cafeteria's walls. The few staff members that surrounded the trio all seemed to flinch in discomfort, the air suddenly feeling thick and heavy in their lungs like they had been in some long-forgotten room and breathed in dust. As the silence stretched on, Belphegor looked uncertain at Lucifer, the pair both questioning whether or not they had heard the Princess right. Surely she hadn't. Surely Bel had just been subconsciously hoping for Charlie to say her name, and due to missing her usual 4-hour nap, the lack of R.E.M. Had left the Lord of Sloth hallucinating.
“Charlie?
“Beh... Bee-zuh.”
*splat!*
Belphegor let out a haunting droning shhhh. It was the sound of her sand-like body suddenly shifting; the deep booming of its movement would have reminded Arabic Sinners of the Sahara's singing sand. Neon pits stared silently at scarlet irises as her head had slightly tilted, causing the slice of cake to slide off the platter, landing right on top of Charlie's head, turning the Princess of Hell into the Prince of Cake, not that the baby minded as she promptly smiled, cramming the massive mess of pastry into her mouth with joy. As green eyes stared fixedly at scarlet orbs, Belphegor gasped as she noticed the tears slowly beginning to form.
“Fuck...”
* * * Hazbin Hotel * * *
After a good cry fest, a few arm punches, and a lethal serving of ice cream, caramel, crepes, marshmallows, honey, and waffles, Beelzebub moodily made her way down to find Hell's head Healer and apologize for causing a scene. An apology that was totally her own idea and was in no way suggested by or encouraged by Flare and her niece's nanny.
And no, there was no way a Sinner had managed to shame her in any way into doing this. Nope. Not at all...
“That Sinner is seriously terrifying.” Bee mumbled to herself.
Even now she could feel the Sinner's soulless eyes staring her down. The Sinner hadn't yelled or scolded. She had just sounded... disappointed. The same way Lilith would when she, Mam, and Ozzie were younger and would make mischief, especially when it affected Lucifer. When that happened, Lilith became a master of guilt-shaming.
Though it was also kind of nice knowing that there was no possible way her little Candy Apple would ever get spoiled rotten like Leviathan's rotten twins, she was gonna have to be careful sneaking Charlie sweets, as her nanny had been mortified at her little 'feel better' treat.
It wasn't that bad either. It had only been thirty, maybe forty... six... scoops of ice cream and a pound of caramel sauce, all wrapped in twenty crepes. And just cause she had been especially upset that Flare got a name before her, Bee had drizzled honey on top of it all, tossed on two batches of marshmallows while using fifty-two waffles as a plate to eat it all.
Hey, she was the Lord and embodiment of Gluttony, and she could damn well eat what she wanted! Not to mention she needed the energy for both her body and wings, so it wasn't like she was gonna get fat like Mammon. But that was besides the point. Right now, she needed to find Belphegor and give her an apology for throwing a tantrum.
That is, when she could figure out where the insomniac bitch had squirreled herself off to!
“Hey, you there. Where did Bels float off to?” Using one of her arms, Bee picked up one of St. An's many healers by their coat. The poor baphomet let out a bleat of surprise, only to shriek as Bee instantly dropped them. “Eew! Why are you wet?”
“My report!” The doctor wailed as he watched the thousands upon thousands of papers scatter across the room. “... and I just got them organized too...”
Beelzebub blinked as she watched the sea of documents blanket the floor, a few of the pages gently landing in a slightly wet trail on the marble floor.
“Wow. You guys need to be way more careful with your stuff,” Bee commented as she discreetly patted the hell goat's shoulder, wiping her hand dry on his coat. “So... where's Bels again?”
Without looking at his boss' friend, the woeful healer jerked a thumb weakly behind him as he muttered 'something something food something'. It was all Bee needed to hear as she did one last wipe of her hand on his coat to dry it before buzzing off once more, further scattering the papers to the winds. She had barely flown three meters before she heard someone suddenly laughing out loud, then screaming as loud as they could, “Fuck this shit!”, causing Bee to stop for a moment as she looked behind her. There, she watched the Baphomet laughing happily with tears in his eyes, and he began tearing the sheets of paper up around him, throwing them into the air.
“Oh wow. Bels really needs to check who she hires as a healer better. That guy looks kind of crazy,” Shrugging slightly at this, Bee quickly decided that it had nothing to do with her. “Now where is the dining hall?”
* * * Hazbin Hotel * * *
Charlie had been wrong about the cake. It wasn't wonderful.
It was glorious.
One minute she had been reaching desperately for it while yelling at Auntie Bel to stop teasing her with it, and the next, the cake had decided that enough was enough. As if in slow motion, Charlie had watched the cake take a tentative leap of faith and toppled down from the plate only to splatter over her head in a mess of cake and frosting. Instantly, her face was covered in a mask of pink buttercream and marshmallows that filled her mouth with sweetness. Even her hands were covered in the magnificent stickiness, making her instantly cram her fingers into her mouth with a happy 'MMMM!' of approval for all to hear.
This was officially the best day ever!
“Char-Char, hold still, sweetie,' Daddy tried to take her hands while bringing a wet wash rag towards her face. Charlie knew what that was. It was the dreaded face scrub, the wiper of all things good and bad off her face that everyone seemed to rub her face clean between meals. It wasn't her favorite thing in the world, but it was nice when the food was something she didn't like.
Right now though, it was the destroyer of joy!
“No, Charlie. Hold still.” Instantly, Charlie started to growl and struggle, swatting at Daddy's hand with the face scrubber like an angry kitten. She was not going to let him steal her yummy treat until she had licked every bit of sticky sugary goodness off her tiny fingers. “Starfire, please. Hold still for-Argh!”
Charlie grinned with pleasure as she managed to snag the rag from Daddy's fingers and push it into his face, frosting and all. Now he could see how unpleasant it was!
“Lulu? Are you okay?” Auntie Bel floated behind Daddy as he coughed, patting him firmly on the back as he coughed. “Seriously, Lu, don't go dying on me here. I don't want to do the paperwork... again.”
“I-I'm fine,” Daddy said with tears in his eyes. His voice sounded funny, like air escaping a balloon. “I just... just got some cake down the wrong tube.”
Charlie just looked wide-eyed at Daddy while she crammed her fingers into her mouth, licking off as much of the treat as she could. Auntie Bel was gently handing Daddy a glass of water to drink. Though, if she was going by Daddy's expression, there had to be medicine in the water cause he was making a 'yucky' face. It certainly couldn't be the cake. It was too delicious to deserve a 'yuck' face.
Charlie happily turned her full attention back onto the cake, grabbing small handfuls of the treat to stuff into her mouth. She could see all too quickly that Daddy and Auntie Bel were going to talk boring stuff again, and she wanted to enjoy as much of the cake as she could before the rag-o-ruin could return again.
* * * Hazbin Hotel * * *
To say the food selection for St. An's mess hall was limited would have been putting it lightly in Bee's opinion. Apparently, whoever was in charge of the menu or food selection clearly believed that if it was green, then it had to be healthy given the main color scheme. At least that was the only logical reason Bee could think of that explained the half a dozen sweet breads that looked like they had been dunked in a paint can. Cause if it wasn't...
Bee shuddered in disgust. It was probably best not to think about that, not while she was still digesting her comfort snack. Looking around the wide space, Bee had to moral that how impressive it was that a room so wide and sterile could hide two of the rules of Hell so easily. Well, maybe not Lucifer, considering he always wore white clothing, but a dark rainbow-infused entity like Belphegor? One would think she would stick out like a sore thumb, and yet it was Lucifer's ragged, coughing, and wheezing voice that alerted her as to where they were.
“Hey, there, you guys are. I've been looking everywhere for you three,” Bee zipped happily over to them, only to gasp in surprise as she looked at the now cake monster formerly known as Charlie giggle at her. “Fuck, what happened here?”
“It's-khh-kff-fine,” Lucifer barely managed to wheeze out, his eyes watering from the pain of inhaling frosting. “Ju-kff-just dropped some khh-cake is all...”
“Drink this, Lulu,” Belphegor gently urged as she handed him a glass of water. “It should help.”
Lucifer eagerly took the glass and took a huge gulp in hopes of it soothing his throat. He tried to explain what had happened, but his voice was still pretty scratchy, so Belphegor started to check him over.
“Now, must be some cake for you to inhale it like that, Lucs,” Bee chuckled before gently picking Charlie up, indifferent to the sticky mess she currently was. Hell, given Bee loved giving her guests honey and fairy floss. “Hey Candy Apple. You're supposed to eat the cake, not wear it. Is it really that good?”
Looking owlishly at Bee, Charlie flashed her a bright pink frosted smile. Unable to help herself, Beelzebub gave Charlie a quick kiss and lick, sneaking a little taste-test of the treat. Charlie squirmed in her hold as it tickled before giving a little growl when Bee quickly wiped her face clean.
“There's my favorite little Candy Apple. You're already sweet enough without the frosting.” With a tiny cheer, Bee flew up in the air, giving Charlie a small toss to ease the pout away. That was the wonderful thing about little ones like her niece. It didn't take a lot to get her forgiveness. “There's that smile we all love. Were you getting lunch? Can't have gotten a lot of that cake into your tummy there like that.”
“Beelzebub,” Bel instantly started with her warning tone. Bee happily twirled Charlie about in the air, pretending she couldn't hear the Dream Eater. “As I said to Lucifer, she needs a properly balanced meal.”
Bee gave Bel a 'do I look stupid to you?' glare before conjuring up spun sugar candy, toffees, and a batch of pancakes dripping with syrup. Sure, these were perfect-
“Absolutely not,” Belphegor instantly cut through Bee's smug thoughts. “I said a balanced meal.”
“They are balanced!” Bee protested hotly, lifting her arms into the air with the plates and treats resting perfectly on her fingertips. “See? Perfectly balanced.”
For a moment, Belphegor just stared blankly at her, her neon maw agape. It made Bee feel pretty proud of finally one-upping her fellow Sin, something she rarely ever managed to do.
“I... can't tell if you're just fucking with me, or you're just an idiot.” Bel groaned as she pinched the area between her eyes, mimicking how they had seen others express having a headache.
Bee just stuck her tongue out at her.
“Phhhhf! You're just mad cause I'm right,” If Bel could roll her eyes, Bee was fairly sure she would have done it. She certainly was giving both her and Lucifer a very 'I give up' vibe that had a tangy sort of taste to it. “Just ask Candy Apple here. Who's right, Charlie? Boring sleepyhead Auntie Bel-snooze over there-”
“Err fuck you,” Belphegor grumbled, though her words lacked any anger or malice in them.
“Hey, be careful,” Lucifer interjected, silently pleased that his voice was no longer raspy and was returning to normal. “I know we're in Hell and all, but I'd prefer it if Charlie is at least a bit older before she starts swearing.”
“OR!” Bee called out a little louder. “Or you super awesome and fun-loving Auntie Bee?”
Charlie cooed softly as she looked between her two aunts, clearly not understanding the rhetorical question at all. She glanced at Lucifer as if to check he was still there while she chewed a little on her fingers. Once she saw that he was looking at her, Charlie let out a tiny squeal of joy and hid her face into Beelzebub's chest for an impromptu game of 'peek-a-boo', smearing frosting onto Bee's clothes.
“Ah, Charlie! Don't-” Lucifer tried to stop her, only to sigh with the knowledge that it was too late. “Sorry about that, Bee.”
“Nah, it's okay. Not the first time I got frosting on me,” Bee just laughed as she lifted Charlie high above her, her heart warming at the charming smile Charlie gave her. “After all, who's the coolest aunt ever, right?”
* * * Hazbin Hotel * * *
For a moment, Charlie stared down at them all, the tiny gears turning and twisting in her mind. She knew Auntie Bee was asking her something, but she wasn't sure what it was. She had heard the word 'cool' before; in fact, she had heard it used lots of times. Like when Daddy and Mommy made the bath water not so hot, or when Ms. Tabby would blow on her food before giving it to her. Especially when it was 'o-meal'. Ms. Tabby always insisted it needed to be 'cooled' before she could eat it. So as far as Charlie could tell, cool was another word for cold.
So by that logic, Auntie Bee was asking her which of her two aunts was colder than the other. Thinking hard, Charlie tried to recall how each of her aunts felt. Bee was sometimes cold, but that was only on top of her fur. Underneath, Bee was warm and comfy to hug. As for Auntie Bel, she could be warm on top, but she never stayed that way long. It was probably because her body was always moving around, even when she was sitting still. It was one of the reasons she was so comfy to sleep on sometimes, as she always seemed to make the heat go away. Which meant...
Charlie suddenly broke into a massive smile, proud of her own deduction skills as she finally came to an answer. She was pretty sure now that she knew who the cooler aunt was, and now all she needed to do was open her mouth and call out...
* * * Hazbin Hotel * * *
“Bee-zuh!”
Bee froze, her feet instantly hitting the floor as her wings stopped fluttering. Charlie happily clapped her tiny hands enthusiastically as she looked expectantly at the three adults surrounding her. Had it happened? Had she heard her niece correctly?
“What did you just say?” Bee started, her eyes wide with shock as Charlie reached for her stuffie. Without thinking, Bee reached out an extra arm, picked the toy up from the table, and handed it to her niece. “Candy Apple? Charlie? Did you just say-?”
“Bee-zuh!” Charlie cheered again, giggling, and she hugged the stuffy close, nuzzling her face into the soft fabric of its head.
The silence stretched between the lot, and after a while, Lucifer carefully managed to sneak Charlie out of Beelzebub's hold, afraid that the poor sin would drop her out of shock. After all, Bee hadn't reacted well when Charlie had said Flare and Tabitha's names, unlike himself, who had been calm and reasonable despite his disappointment. So for Charlie to say-
“AHA! FUCK YEAH!!!” Everyone gave a slight jump of surprise as Bee suddenly screamed at the top of her lungs, her wings buzzing with joy so fast that she nearly sent herself slamming into the ceiling. “Fuck you, Mammon! First aunt, bitch!”
Unable to contain the squeal of joy, Bee zoomed past Lucifer again, snatching a laughing Charlie with her as she practically danced about the mess hall, praising Charlie to the high heavens and beyond.
“Wait, Bee. That's not-” Lucifer started to say when Belphegor quickly silenced him with a finger over his lips.
“Shh. Let her have this,” Belphegor whispered to him, carefully watching to make sure Bee didn't hear them. “Otherwise I'll have to listen to her whiny ass all week, and I just fucking can't.”