Chapter Text
Laying in their shared bed, Leewon and Caesar relax in the aftermath of their frenetic coupling, the faint smell of sweat and sex still lingering in the air.
Both men are hugging each other, Caesar peppering Leewon's face and crown of his head which makes the younger man flutter.
There's something about Caesar's body that Leewon cannot comprehend.
The scars all over his body.
Leewon constantly stares at them and almost feels a slight physical pain at the thought of what Caesar had to endure.
The korean man feels the scars on the Tsar's back. Some scars were big and deep, others were just small, on some parts of his body he had some discoloration, other parts showed ulcers in the waking.
Caesar purred at the sensation of Leewon's hands traveling all over his back. There was something romantic in this gesture he just couldn't explain.
Leewon knew what Caesar had to endure. Sasha was far from being a good parent, and he knows it, Caesar has acknowledged it for a long time and that pains Leewon.
The lawyer sighs in the Tsar's chest, and the blonde realizes what's going on.
Caesar grabs the younger's man chin and makes him look up.
"I know you're upset, but you don't have to worry anymore." Caesar states gently, giving a peck on Leewon's lips.
"I just... cannot fathom what you had gone through for your whole life..." The lawyer whines a little, almost as if he's the one getting physically hurt in the same exact spots of Caesar's scars.
"This was inevitable. Back when I was chosen to be the future heir of the Sergeyev mafia I kept being tested every single day, it was either kidnapping or being hurt from servants. I didn't feel anything, every scar that was adding up felt less painful than the previous ones. This is what all the Sergeyev ancestors had to endure."
Leewon couldn't believe how nonchalant he was. He couldn't believe he was fine with whatever happened in the past.
The lawyer stares into the void for some time, the Tsar squeezing his hand and peppering the palm with kisses.
Suddenly the silence was cut off.
"Are you happy with the outcome?"
Caesar halted for a hot minute.
Was he happy? Was he happy with his body? Was he happy with all the trauma he had experienced since he was around 8? Was he happy about it all?
"If fate chose to make me go through hell and back to meet you, then all the sacrifices were worth." The blonde hides his face in the crook of Leewon's neck.
Leewon stares at the wall bewildered. Had he gone crazy?
"Are you... joking?" The black haired man lifts Caesar's head up to stare at his face. The older man's eyes glistening with love and devotion.
"Would I be joking? You mean everything to me, moya lyubov'. I would go through it all again if I had to."
Caesar leans in for a deep kiss, which Leewon devotedly exchanged back.
A kiss that proved Caesar's commitment to Leewon.
Once they pulled away, Caesar smiled and started talking again.
”
There was a moment in my life, well, multiple ones, where I thought that it was better to die than to wait for the next day to be better than the previous one.
I kept finding a reason to move on with my life, usually Dmitri would've invited me to his bar and send prostitutes in my room to make me feel better.
He thought that could've been the solution to everything, but that wasn't what I wanted.
I never looked for real love. When I was a child nobody has shown me what meant to love or to be loved, so I have never shown interest in relationships.
When I was around 3 or 4, I remember seeing my mother for the first time in my life, she was never in the mansion.
I cannot remember what her face looked like, but I remember her falling to her knees in front of me, hugging me tightly and whispering 'I'm sorry' and 'I love you'. After that moment, I have never seen her again.
I never got to know what kind of relationship my father and my mother had, or what happened to my mother after that meeting, but I didn't need to know the answer.
I was made to be the heir of this clan, and that was final.
The older I got, the worse I felt mentally.
I once remember stepping foot in the vast forest of the country side of Moscow, I was around 9. I was shivering from the cold, I had bruises all over me, my arms and legs were bleeding. That time I managed to run away from Lomonosov's bodyguards and hid myself behind a big tree.
I thought that was the end. In moments like these, I just wanted to disappear out of nowhere. No traces left behind, no one worrying about his absence.
It was honestly never about the scars, but the lack of care and love. It drained me mentally.
At a certain point stuff like this was happening frequently and I started to take action.
I wanted everyone to show I was the strongest and I would've been a great heir.
I killed and tortured every single individual that got on my bad side, just as my father did.
I thought this way, the lack of love would've subsided and I would've never felt like this again,
until I met you.
The more I got to know you, the more I realized I got lucky.
You are an angel sent from heaven, a ray of sunshine that brightens the gray skies after a storm.
You made me feel alive again and I couldn't ask for more.
So yes, I'd go through it all over
again if it meant having you by my side.
”
At those words, Leewon sobbed badly, almost choking in the meanwhile, and Caesar smiled softly at the sight.
"I mean everything I said. Ty — ves' moy mir."
The blonde proceeded to kiss the lawyer's tears.
He hated seeing his husband cry, but during these moments, Caesar knew Leewon cried because of the genuine words coming out of his mouth.
"If you *hic... go through all of it again... I don't know if I could endure it..."
Caesar stares amazed. Oh he was madly in love with Leewon. He hugged the younger man tightly and kissed his temple.
"Now that you are in my life, I do everything to not worry you. Nothing will happen to me, or you, or us."
Leewon looks up at him. He couldn't ask for anyone else better than this giant lovebird.
They stare in each other's eyes and share a deep kiss, tangling their legs together under the sheets, their love now stronger than it was moments before.
"
You are my safe harbor,
in a world full of cruelty and pain. ♡
"