Chapter Text
I was born into a family made from hatred and anger. At my birth my mother gave me the name Madeline. As I grew the more that name felt like poison. I figured out I hated being a women when I was fourteen. I didn't know who to go to. So I kept this within me for a long time. Until I told my friend. Francis. Francis was wonderful. Like what a dad should be. I waited for a night where my parents were gone to call him. I quickly dialed his number
"Madeline? Oh it's been awhile since you called. How are you?"
I quickly responded. I didn't know when parents would return so I couldn't waste time on this. "Francis... I think I hate being a woman. I hate being called Madeline or anything feminine" I talked fast without even meaning to. My mind felt like a jumbled mess.
"woah woah. Calm dowm. It sounds like you're describing being trans.." Francis smooth accent grounded me a bit.
"what is that?" I've never heard of being 'trans' before. My parents always kept me sheltered.maybe that's what I am
"Uh it's basically where you feel more connected to the opposite gender" He explained carefully. Huh. I wonder if that's what I am. I think for a minute before responding
"I wanna be Matthew. Yea. that sounds right" I liked that name. It sounded like it fit me
Francis was silent for a bit before speaking "Be careful when you tell your parents alright?" I quickly said yes and hung up. I heard keys jingling my parents are home. I ran upstairs and into my room.
"Oh hi Maddy"
I gave a quick nod to Alfred before collapsing on my bed. At the age of sixteen I came out to my family. It was terrible. My brother tried to respect my identity but dad always beat him. The worst reaction didn't' come from my dad though. It was my mom. She'd force me to wear humiliating girly outfits and watched me change so she knows I'm not being sneaky and putting a binder on. It was hell. The worst fight between us happened during a family dinner. "Madeline stop slouching you'll ruin your back like you ruined this family." Mom's voice always sounded like cruel poison. I nodded before sitting up better.
"Madeline you could've just been lesbian if you wanted to date women. You'd still be a filthy fag but it wouldn't be as bad... As this You don't have to be some tranny"
"I'm not trans because i want to date women. I'm gay" I knew talking back like this was risky. But I couldn't help it. It was terrible being treated like this.
My dad spoke up next "Great not only does our daughter wanna be some tranny she wants to be a fag too" I curled into myself. I knew they wouldn't hit me. But the words hurt more than words. It hurt more than anything.
After that dinner I snuck into the kitchen and grabbed a knife. it shined in the moonlight so elegantly. After a few seconds of admiring the knife I took it to my wrist. I made eight big cuts that knight. just eight of many to come. My eyes wandered my bleeding skin. I quietly made my way upstairs. I wandered into the bathroom and turned on the water the hottest it can go. I unclothed my disgusting body and stepped in. The wounds burned but I didn't care. I scratched at them slowly. it hurt. Everything hurts. I stopped when the I heard the door open. There was Alfred. His eyes widened when he saw me.
"Mattie... What did you do"
"I hate this body Alfred. I need to escape it" Arthur rushed to force me from the shower. My skin radiated steam from the burning water. This life only filled me with pain the more I lived it.
the day I turned eighteen was supposed to be happy. But the news I would be hearing two weeks later would ruin me more than anything.